D M Roberts's Blog, page 4

Too many

What movies or TV series have you watched more than 5 times?

Without doubt my go to binge movies would be Lord of the rings and The Hobbit, I’ve watched these trilogies so many times I can’t even begin to tell you exactly how many but it would be more than 5.

Popcorn at the ready

If I like a movie I will happily watch it over and over, it helps that I can usually never remember the ending. Other moves I’ve watched more than 5 times are, Marvel – all of them, Shawshank redemption, Trains Planes and automobiles, Dirty Rotten scoundrels, Avatar, Die Hard, Interview with a vampire… The list is endless.

Ideal home

TV shows, well I’m not overly into them so a lot less, Bones and Scandal a fair few times and Everybody loves Raymond purely because Frank is a comedic genius.

Not my favourite thing

Where would you go on a shopping spree?

Interesting question! All women love to shop, right? Not this one. A shopping spree would be my worst nightmare. I can think of nothing more boring and time swallowing than shopping.

Not for me

I love catching up with friends and family for lunch but the minute I hear that there’s shopping involved my brain goes into meltdown. I start visualising all the queues, the endless rails of things that I wouldn’t wear if it was a bet. Then there are the people that see something they like in store one but are not content until we have looked in every other shop first because they might find something else and then, we go back to the first place and get it there anyway! Drives me nuts.

Argh

That’s what I think of shopping.

Ameowsing.

What is the last thing you learned?

The last thing I learnt was my kitty is probably a superior being in disguise. In the months that the little terror has resided with me he has figured out that a Wellington boot is a great hiding place for the small things you need, don’t bother with the stuff that my humans don’t bother with, it’s the jangly things that they pick up when they leave me all alone, the white stuff they sprinkle on the food, that nasal spray the bigger human relies on so much. You know the types of things I’m talking about.

This is where the good stuff arrives

When I want attention all I have to do is push everything possible off the sides and they soon come running. When I want to go out I grab that blue item off the sideboard and run like hell, the human always picks it up when they go outside.

If I want a treat I listen to my human and that makes her think she’s taught me something, sucker!

I am not listening to you

This is the way of the cat. A wise person once said ‘if cat’s could text you back they just wouldn’t ‘ they are superior and what’s more, they know it and this dear friends is what I have learnt.

Goodbye is not forever but it sure feels like it.

Describe the last difficult “goodbye” you said.

I’ve had many difficult goodbyes when I think about it, some recent and others not so much but all with their own stories. Without doubt the one that hit me hardest, still does, is my son. Yes, he is still with us and thriving although not with me.

My ray of sunshine

My son didn’t have the best start in life due to illness. At 3 weeks old he was admitted to the children’s hospital intensive care unit with a mystery chest problem. He suffered 2 cardiac arrests and his saturations remained dangerously low. He couldn’t dispel carbon dioxide from his lungs, he was given nitric oxide and stayed on a ventilator. This was all done while he was medically paralysed and sedated to lessen the trauma to such a young infant. He spent the best part of his first year in that hospital.

Sadly many will understand how much it pains a parent not to be able to pick up their own child. You sit and you wait, you pray, you make bargains with the almighty and then they take the Polaroid pictures for you just in case. It’s one of the worst feelings I have ever experienced in my entire life. I’m your mum but I can’t help you. Not knowing what it is because they don’t know what it is.

The hospital staff were amazing, I cannot express my thanks to them enough for everything they do. And then the miracle happens, he starts to pick up, going from strength to strength until finally we take our baby home.

Fast forward to age 2, the professional bodies start to talk about milestones and being the ever protective mum I tell them he simply needs time to catch up, don’t they realise what he has been through? Age 3 and I have to throw in the towel and agree with them that he is not catching up, in fact he doesn’t seem to be doing any of the things his elder siblings did at that age. Exhausted because his sleep pattern is few and far between not to mention the seemingly constant high pitched screaming because there are still no words I realise I have to listen to these professionals.

It was decided that we needed a diagnosis and a statement of special educational needs. Soon my son was accepted into a special needs school in an autism exclusive class. We read all the books, usually written by people who don’t actually have children with autism, after a while you stop reading the books and learn to adapt the way you bring up your own unique child.

By age 6 my son began to talk, it was the best thing ever and although many couldn’t understand what he was saying, we could. It helped with the frustration in him that he could now tell us what he wanted instead of us frantically showing him literally everything in the cupboards hoping something would turn out to be what he wanted.

Don’t get me wrong it was hard for a long time, he could be aggressive but never to anyone outside the house, I often sported a busted lip, broken ribs etc but I could never get upset with him, after all it was a miracle he was even here.

In his life he has come on amazingly well and I am so proud to be his mum. He sings and dances and he makes even the most grumpy people smile with his innocent honesty.  He’s a man now and a beautiful one at that.

His father and I parted ways and the children lived with me. We moved quite far away but they kept the relationship with their father and often went to stay for the week.

A few years ago after my eldest 2 moved back to their hometown – they missed the night life of city living – my youngest had a visit to his dad’s for a week. When I brought him home it was evident that something had changed. His aggression started to resurface and no matter what I tried he was not happy. It was the very first time I saw my son cry, he said his heart hurt and he missed his dad and his brother and sister. I asked him what should we do about this and his answer was that he wanted to go back and stay some more. It broke my heart. I spoke to his dad and we came to an agreement that I would take him back to stay until a time that he decides he wants to come home. He’s still there and thankfully he’s happy, healthy and settled. What more can a parent ask for? It was and I imagine always will be the hardest most painful and difficult goodbye I have ever had to say to my little boy, he will always be my little boy.

What can I do for you?

Flash fiction first try…

The door crashed shut as the large man stomped into the hall, his hair swept up from the high winds that howled outside.

“Where is your Father?” demanded the red faced and clearly irritated figure.

“He went out, the pub I think, he didn’t say. What can I do for you?” My reply was feeble but what could I do? I could hardly tell him that my Father was hiding in the loo not more than 8 feet away from him.

“Then I will wait for his return. Get me a drink girl and be quick about it, I’m parched.” With that he plonked his heavy frame down onto the leather armchair, it was all I could do not to giggle as the protesting leather squealed, putting me in mind of Billy Martin’s attempts to play a tune with his flatulence.

Thoughts of my Father still hiding out in the toilet and its almost arctic temperatures leapt into my head. He would be wondering right about now why this person was still here, why haven’t I gotten rid of him. Fortunately the toilet was out of view from the sitting room, enough at least for me to throw a blanket in there. Who knew how long the stranger was prepared to stay. 

“Where’s that drink girl?”  Hell’s bell’s he was a demanding old crotch of a man.

“On its way mister.” Not sure exactly what type of drink he was expecting but he got water.

“There you are. What did you want to see Dad about?”

“None of your business, miss. What kind of gin is this? It has no taste, it almost tastes like water.” Slamming the glass on the table the man shook his head. The colour, at least, had started to regulate in his skin. He looked less like a beetroot now and more like a very old peach.

“He could be out for the night, just saying in case you have places to be. Sometimes he doesn’t come home at all.” There, that should do it, I thought triumphantly as I folded my arms.

“Best get comfy then if it’s going to be a long wait. He usually leaves you alone for the night? How old are you girl?”

“None of your business.” I know it was rude of me but what’s good for the goose and all that. I imagine Dad would be seething in the loo, he didn’t like me using smart ass answers. Talking of which I really ought to try and pass him a cuppa of some sort, that’s if he hasn’t fallen asleep!

“Where are you going? I would rather you didn’t leave the house while I’m here. Come and sit with me girl.”

“I have to go to the bathroom if it’s all the same to you.” Turning the handle and expecting it to be locked I could feel the breeze from the outside winds pushing against the wooden door. He wouldn’t, would he? Oh that’s just fanfeckintastic! Window wide open and the Father not to be seen.

It seemed like forever sitting there in silence with the stranger. I’m sure he nodded off a few times but still I kept quiet until the sound of the phone leapt out from the kitchen. 

“I better get that.” Scrambling to my feet I almost tripped myself up in my hurry to speak to the outside world. 

“Hello. Yes, yes that’s right. No, no I don’t know. It could be a while. Okay, thanks. Yeah, bye.” Placing the phone back on the sideboard I was startled to find the stranger standing right behind me. 

“Was that him? Don’t lie to me girl, my patience is wearing thin.”

“No it wasn’t. If you must know it was my auntie calling to speak to Dad. You must have heard every word you were standing right there!” This stranger was starting to get on my nerves now, if it wasn’t for the fact he was a big menacing looking man I would have thrown him out a long time ago.

“Calm yourself down missy, I only need to speak to your Dad for a few minutes, it’s nothing sinister I can assure you. If you can contact him? I know he has problems financially, he’s well known at the bookies, where do you think I got the address.”

It was true, Dad owed people all over the place including some pretty nasty loan sharks. He didn’t owe hundreds of thousands that was true but he did owe and it had only been a matter of time before someone came knocking. Who’s to say this man wasn’t trying to get one over on me so I would tell him where to find Dad? Not that I knew where he had scarpered to.

“I don’t know where he is and I think you are wasting your time waiting here. If he saw you coming or if any of the neighbours have told him he has a visitor he won’t come home so I think you should go.” There, I told him, I must admit as I spoke I could feel my feet edging backwards to the kitchen door.

The stranger circled me then stopped at the back door, his hand pushing the handle down. Damn, it was locked, Dad must have the key on him.

“I think we should go sit back down where it’s more comfortable, don’t you?” He made his way back to the front room, a smirk twisting on his lips as he retook his seat.

I’ll pretend he isn’t here, I’ll put a dvd on the telly and blank him out, that’s what I’ll do.

It was quarter past one in the morning when I finally heard a key in the back door. Shooting me a glance the stranger put a finger to his lips so as to shush me and being so peed off with Dad I sat there quietly thinking you’re the grown up you can deal with this now. The sound of the light switch clicking on seemed to echo in the now silent room. 

The second Dad clapped eyes on the stranger he stopped dead in his tracks and I waited, the stranger was on his feet and they stood silently staring at each other for what seemed an age. I waited for fists to fly, swearing, loud voices or anything but they just stood there. It was Dad that moved first, stepping forward and I swear the tension nearly gave me heart failure! Still no words or fists.

“Oh my God! Oh my God, how long have you been here?” Turning to me he gasped. “Why didn’t you ring me?”

“You left your phone and I didnt know who it was, who is he? Why has he been here all night? I thought you’d done a bunk out the toilet window!” My voice was indignant now.

The stranger lunged toward Dad, his big arms wrapping around Dad’s skinny body and lifting him off the ground. What the hell was going on?

“Jeez Sparrow, it’s been a long time! You’re still as tiny as I remember you. Aren’t you going to introduce me to my niece?”

What! Niece? What the hell. Dad was beaming like a Cheshire cat. 

“Millie, meet your Uncle Jerry, Jerry this is my girl Millie. Oh my God Jerry, where have you been all these years? I thought you were dead for christ sake. 22 years man, 22 years and I couldnt find out anything and I looked, God knows I looked. Mam and Dad passed, Sorry I should have put that a bit more delicate like but they did and that’s a fact. Our Lindy went too, just last year. Where were you man?”

The newly named Uncle Jerry shook his head and hugged Dad again, a single tear rolled down his cheek. I’ve never seen a man that looks so tough cry before today and I can’t say I want to see it again. It’s too sad.

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How boring am I!

What is your favorite drink?

Water, when all else fails to quench my thirst it has to be good ol’ fashioned , straight from the tap, ice cold water.

Happy individuals

Who are your favorite people to be around?

A little late with this one but, my favourite people to be around – not counting the obvious here as they go without saying one would hope?- are happy people. You know the types of people that are actually happy in their own skin? They don’t feel the need to impress anyone nor do they go weak at the knees when confronted with impressive individuals, they remain themselves and do it with a jolly demeanor.

It’s in the eyes

Some people have an infectious energy that you can’t help liking. Sure we can all fake a smile, what you can’t fake is that twinkle in the eyes. In a world so full to the brim with problems and sadness I value the power of a genuinely optimistic, happy soul in my company more than ever.

Pass along that smile

Clarks brogues Tell us about your favorite pair of shoes,...

Clarks brogues

Tell us about your favorite pair of shoes, and where they’ve taken you.

These have to be my all time most favourite and most importantly, comfortable shoes ever! I can’t quite remember when I got them but it was many years ago. They are my ‘Triggers broom’ of shoes. For those that don’t know what Triggers broom is see only fools and horses. They have been re-laced, re-heeled, re-soled, re-dyed.

Craftsman

And still I have them. They have seen me through many years and many miles like a trusted and familiar friend. Never questioning my next step, simply being there when I took it. These shoes have been with me when I felt that nobody else was and for that I am profoundly grateful.

Travel companion

They took me on my journey from one end of England to the other, never did they nag that I was doing the wrong thing, that I couldn’t do this on my own, they just did what they were made for. There are so many people that discard a thing because it may become tatty or old instead of taking the time to have it rejuvenated allowing it to continue being part of your life and do what it was meant to do.

Do you believe?

Can you share a positive example of where you’ve felt loved?

It’s all you need

This is a strange one so bear with me. When people talk about love you assume it is from or for someone they know/are close to. My experience happened a long time ago. I took my then young children on a holiday to Wales.

Sugar and spice

Over the weekend I took them to the obligatory fun fair where they rode the kiddie rides, had a go or two of tin can alley and ate way too much candy floss and hotdogs. Well we were on holiday. Leaving the enormous field an older woman got up from her chair, she had been sitting in the sunshine watching the world go by.

She walked toward us, her eyes fixed firmly on mine. She asked if I had time to chat – toddler autistic son all the while having one hell of a meltdown – I was tired and wanted to get back to where we were staying so made my apologies mumbling something about how the kids had had enough today. She smiled and nodded saying she would only take a little amount of my time. Me being me I said okay and followed her back over to the chair outside her van.

She went inside and swiftly returned with a chair and asked me to sit down. She then proceeded to ask me for the palm of my hand and I immediately thought “Aha!” I explained that it was very nice of her but I didn’t have any cash left on me and I really should get the irritated little ones back. The woman chuckled and shook her head saying that she didn’t want money she simply had to talk to me.

The woman said she had something for me and offered her hand forward. Now, I’m not in the habit of holding strangers hands, yet I took her hand. Her fingers curled around mine as she sat looking at me with the softest expression on her face and in that instance I felt the most overwhelming love I have ever felt, it was more than a hand held, it felt like the most amazing hug from a mother to a frightened child that without words said everything will be okay.

She nodded and smiled  “I was asked to give you that” she let go of my hand and went back into her van.

I took the kids back to the ground the next day to see if I could find her but she wasn’t there. I can imagine what the sceptical amongst us will think, I choose to think it was a reminder that my mum who passed when I was a young child was still with me at a time when I needed it the most.

Guilty as charged or not

Have you ever broken the law and didn’t get caught, if so how?

It’s illegal to be drunk in a pub.
It’s an offence to handle a salmon and look at all suspicious.
It’s against the law to jump the queue at a tube station.
UK law states it’s illegal to linger after a funeral.
It’s an act of treason to put a British stamp upside down… All the above pulled from Google search

Definitely not

There you have it! Although I haven’t handled a salmon looking suspicious,, I have unknowingly committed the other ridiculous offences.