Muthulakshmi Mahesh's Blog, page 3

Is it really hard being an introvert?

She zipped her mouth and was mocked by many and named as shy. Just to clarify, she was not really shy but just being observant with a million thoughts running in her mind. I’m still the one who wouldn’t mumble a word until it is really necessary even for which a few rehearsals would run in my head.

I know that I have the adequate skills but still not wanting to prove my colleagues have become my mindset now because they are not going to give me a job. Why would I prove them? I claim this to be my level of understanding others. But I never give a chance to fail when it comes to an important event as like attending an interview or addressing a public gathering. These are not as same as talking casually on the phone or directly with a single person.

Spending time alone has always been my choice. I am not more open to things that do not add value to my existing understanding, undeniably this has become my only reason to lose a lot of people in my life. I wasn’t able to be like them or match them thus I became more concerned about myself.

Prioritising myself, I was aware of the major responsibilities that I need to take to become the person whom I wish. In my journey of becoming the person whom I want to be, I became connecting with optimistic people who discuss opinions and get in-depth conversations as that would enthuse more to focus on priorities than casual and informal talks. I always wish to have formal conversations and the standards stay in my mind and I couldn’t alter to become jovial and use casual tone. As to manage with other people, I stepped out of the circle that drew, and began accompanying my colleagues with the activities which they did and trust me that was a new and fun-filled experience.

But I knew my limits, a person who is not in control to be within limits can never really succeed. Thus, I always set my boundaries when it comes to relationships, emotions, food, finance etc. It is because setting a limit and sticking to it would make us feel more powerful.

Being true to the set of values would guide us to reach our destination. I have reframed my thoughts to be positive:
•If I sacrifice one for today, I can enjoy two for tomorrow.
•All my unpleasant experiences are learning for my growth and betterment. My suffering in the future would be less.

These ideologies motivate me to perform better. I.e Even when the circumstances of partying and working came, I prioritised work and started isolating myself from people to work, not in all the cases. But I believe it is necessary to sacrifice a few enjoyments and work hard as that work would be recognised one day even if it is not immediately.

I have realised the power of introverts, just spending ample time in silence is a way to recharge my battery to bring out my thinking abilities to light. Always my mind is in control with enough is enough. Just accepting my way of being myself, considering things of my own to be significant within my small circle.

Written by a quiet girl who socialises with the people she knows well.

[image error]

What keeps you going?

It is evident that we need a driving force to make us decide our goal for which we would start working thinking we have a purpose to survive. The thin line that comes all through the journey is setting our intention. Choosing the right destination will help us guide in choosing our directions to reach the end goal.

Choosing the right people: Staying motivated all day doesn’t just happen that way by one’s own self. You should be surrounded by people who support you in good times and oppose you when your decisions are wrong. I must say, I’m grateful to get optimistic people who comprehend my problems just by the utterance of a word from me from which I get a plethora of assurance about solving the issues. That makes me feel I have people who indeed care for me. Choosing the wise people was the first choice that turned my vision more clear. It is obvious sometimes we are left with no option in selecting people, but with God’s grace, we still tolerate, learn and experience even from those people.Staying optimistic: It is an undeniable fact that we do lose ourselves in certain circumstances though we think we are brave enough to tackle life issues. We all would have gone through this phase of life, but what makes up heal up again is by sharing your thoughts with loved ones, doing your favorite work, practicing mindfulness, and giving yourself some space in rejecting your unrelated thoughts. Choosing to be optimistic is a characteristic of becoming successful.Everything is an experience: It is not about winning or failing in the race, all that matters is that you had the experience of taking part in the event. Failing every time in the completion of orders of the clients, crying alone, and not repeating the same mistake with the next client gives you more confidence, self-reliance, and experience which transforms your mindset to tackle whatever situation may arise even in the future as this would reflect in the work-life. I believe effortful learning which is combined with education gives more value to an individual to have a lasting impact.Being self-reliant: All my life, I have learned to be self-reliant. Expecting from other people has never been my thing. Taking decisions, paying my own bills and solving problems by myself is what I always wanted to be. I have experienced that people are not always the same and I can never really trust them when I am in need as they might not adhere to the utterance of their words all the time. Not everyone can become me. So I’m the first priority for myself. That is when I started spending more of “me time” in which I started reading, writing, and other works.

Conclusion

I consider the above things to be vital as I’ve been experiencing much in recent days. I would always opt to be confident with whatever I have and not in a need to bother for the things that are missing out as same as staying away from negativity, discussing about the people, etc. Focussing more on what is important and the first things first was me.

[image error]

Switch of thoughts from owning a business to getting into a job

People indeed have differences in opinion when it comes to opting for a job or becoming an entrepreneur. Many love doing business as it gives a sense of satisfaction in negotiating better deals, brings happiness of being one’s own boss and the dignified feeling owing to witness one’s own success in providing job opportunities to the surrounding people. Even if it is small profits, still it gives utmost gratification to the one who performs all the functions and undertakes the business. The idea of being independent, owning things, dreaming big, being professional made me fall to start my own company as I was a kid.

There was a guide- my father who explained to me that reality is different from what you study. Theory and applications on practical life are not going to be the same considering the below factors:
•Risk is involved,
•Sticking to the same routine in the same company is significant,
•No assurance for profits or losses; meaning bearing uncertainty,
•Patience in putting more effort to establish the business.

I do not easily believe someone's words, rather I'll go with my intention if I find my path is right. So I did not lose confidence hearing the above statements. Thinking about the choices of doing a business and working in a job; I thought of being self-employed and working in a company during my undergraduatation; subject to my level, I chose to organise book reviews and do an internship at the same time.

Let me take two instances in my life. By organising book reviews and doing freelance work, I felt the difficulty in:
• Constantly reminding the reviewers,
• Dealing with the removal of links,
• Blocking of their accounts,
• Maintaining a record of data and
• Being answerable to the client.

These issues concerning review links getting from bulk reviewers favoured me to gain pleasant and unwelcome experience, I controlled my annoyance and learned to be patient and responsible to answer the client's requirements. Also, the polite way of communication was a key for me to get things done through others which led me to earn profits and recommendations.

Coming to my working experience, I got an opportunity to get into GREedge and Siam computing during the second year of my bachelor's in business administration. The systematic way of processing the payment, occasion bonus and variable pay impressed me to work better. That gave me a feeling of being self-reliant. Also, the weekly meetings to check our understanding and the director inculcating knowledge in work allowed me to explore more.

By considering business and being an employee, I choose to work in an organisation as I could derive more advantages in the job. Also, being patient to get returns in business is not my cup of coffee which makes me frustrated and being committed to big responsibilities usually pressures my mind. Hence, in my opinion, working in an organisation reduces headaches and lets me enjoy life by investing in mutual funds.

[image error]

Atomic habits summary

It's true that everyone wishes to be successful but were unsure where to begin. It actually starts when we take small steps each day. If you wish to be a successful artist then being consistent in painting every day is important. It doesn't mean you need to spend hours but just dedicating some time every day will help us to achieve our goal.
When these tiny changes happen in our everyday life, there will be changes in our behaviour. Forming a habit is a bit challenging but connecting a new habit to the existing one will be easy to follow. Eg. Keeping in mind drinking water right after brushing teeth.

It's more like opportunity cost, when two options are given, we need to select a choice that is favourable to our decision, so our working process would help us reach the destination. For instance, if you have already set your decision to be consistent in painting then you need to choose painting over watching a movie. That doesn't need to be all the time but at least for some time. So in simple terms, we need to stick to the decision and follow the schedule that we make.

James clear has broken down the process of forming a habit into four steps ie. we need to make the habits obvious, attractive, easy and satisfying.

It's significant to determine whether the habit is good or bad. To form good habits, we gonna fix the target in mind and follow it. Eg: I'm an amateur who wishes to be an artist. Then I need to start an art account and follow art pages, so I'll get inspired from other artists, I'll watch their videos, pictures, also I'll need to talk with other artists be it in clubhouse, form groups etc. In this way, I can make my goal of becoming an artist.

Changing the environment with supportive, optimistic people becomes prior as it says who we are and where we are up to land. If you wanna break a bad habit, then stop the thing that makes you choose it. Eg: If you wanna quit smoking but your friend seeks company, avoiding such meetups would be in one's favour to escape bad habits.

Sometimes thinking about meeting your favourite person makes you more happy and excited than spending time with them, in the same way, waking up with the thought of thinking about your work will help you in achieving your dreams. To do that, find out the work you are passionate about. Taking small steps towards our passion will gradually improve and master our skills also if we get satisfied over doing the task then that satisfying feel would provoke us to follow the routine every day.

As everyone suggested me to read this book, I listening to the audiobook in audible. I found this self-help book to be much helpful in forming new habits and breaking bad habits. I'd recommend this book to the ones who are losing their focus, hope, procrastinating over this pandemic. ;)

How people around you influence you?

I remember when I was a kid, my teacher used to say 'Tell me who your friends are, and I’ll tell who you are." I felt that, the saying means the people with whom we join are a reflection of ourselves. We tend to hang out with people who share similar characteristics.

Moving from the saying to the practical life, I always wanted holidays when I was traveling to college. Trust me, it was an hectic hour travel where I would literally turn a sleepyhead while returning home in metro. I used to think, if I had the same time in home, I would’ve used it potentially either to add up knowledge or to make some bucks occupying myself to get my professional work done.

Things turned in favor to what I wished as we got pandemic. It was total lockdown, though I felt irritated to be inside home all day still I chose the advantages of being in home. In that way, I used my time potentially rather than talking with people or winding away playing games. I was not distracted in my home because if we had college classes, obviously, I would hang out with friends and I would never have time to focus in my passion and I would never get time to read books. Hence, I considered lockdown to be a boon and had set myself unique and focussed on improving my skills than anything else.

When it comes to people, I would generally be surrounded myself with elder people because when I talk with them, I can learn and grasp more from their experiences rather than falling myself into a trap and experience it by myself. So it’s better to be cautious with their experiences. Whole my life I learned to surround myself with optimistic people who would help me increase my understanding, who would identify my mistakes and rectify them to get the better me. I grasp and become the best version of their advice ie. dad the best example.

In my opinion, people around us impact our behaviour. We can see, even if one watches an inspiring movie or listens to a motivational talk, one would get the confidence to reach heights, so I firmly believe surrounding oneself with good connections is essential for one’s success. It helps them to grow as an individual.

What did I learn from my dad?

When I was a kid, the regular subjects didn’t captivate me and so I didn’t want to study. I was just below average until my 10th grade. I was weak, fragile and all alone. I was aimlessly moving, having no potential. I didn’t know the purpose of life- meaning the Ikigai. It was a challenge to come out of the usual circle where my colleagues would win every time in academics. The biggest task was to tackle and identify what I’m actually good at. I started exploring and experimenting more. With those trials and errors- I began writing blogs, learning to code websites using html5 and css3, creating UX designs, etc. It was my decision to choose business administration owing to my interest in studying business. Though I got other opportunities still I chose to go with what I love even if it’s not that big. I was not forced to do anything.

On seeing the whole picture, I realize that I focussed only on my strengths rather than weaknesses. Now people encourage me all because of my dad who supported me and had let me do what I’m good at. Thankfully, he had not only motivated but also identified my strengths and guided me showing the path to reach the destination so it was because of him who wasn’t strict to make me study a particular subject which he had in his mind and perhaps I’m that stubborn who would voluntarily fail if someone forces me to do things. I remember those days when he wanted me to do what he wishes and I would find ways to escape. Obviously, he understood on seeing me doing those stuff.

We can still work on weaknesses as it contributes to our personal growth but I believe it is significant to focus on our strengths as they are precisely bounded within our passion ergo it enables us to have a clear direction, increases our productivity, progress forward, gives a sense of satisfaction and stay on track.

How I understood what life is?

Ever since my childhood, I have always been listening to the words of someone. It started with my parents then my friends. Though I take a decision, I fail to keep up the decision owing to my wandering heart which listens and believes to the words of others.

At a point in time, I realised that only I know what is happening in my life. Even though others seem to be genuinely caring, they still do not know how I handle people, situations meaning they know just one side of the whole story from which their decisions in my life cannot be right. I literally felt what my close friend told me was true, I didn’t live my life all these days.

Now if I wish to ask something to someone whom I trust then I would choose to tell the whole story and make them understand to validate my choice or leave it still without uttering a word so that their interpretations don’t confuse my decisions. That is how I understood what my life is and have become ready to face the consequences of my own choices cause’ at least I have the happiness of my own choice.

Innocence fade away

I used to be happy with what I had,
But now the time has changed,
I feel the pressure and stress of hustling,
Running all the time with no clear idea.

I used to laugh with all my heart,
But now the time has changed,
I hide the pain in my smile,
Adding up the responsibilities with the age,

I used to love the personalities and characteristics,
But now the time has changed,
People made me believe I was wrong,
Convincing looks and statuses are where you belong,

'Make your own choices':
they say, and whenever I make my own choice,
I get criticised and mocked, this is all your ability; Their talks pull me down with a thought of toxicity.

'I do not know these plays', I cry,
They call me immatured,
I have learned many things to satisfy this world.

I want to unlearn the things this world had taught me,
I want to be like how I used to be,
I want to laugh my heart out and be happy with what I have.
© Muthulakshmi Mahesh

Do you think the people around you take advantage of you?

During the early times of my life, I realised that people take advantage of me, but I couldn’t refuse their pleas. So I started helping them considering friends. I have been so fragile that I feel I’ll hurt them if I say 'no’. That paved way to an undeniable path of worries and sorrows, the more I said 'yes' to their requests, the more I fell into trap.

After being silent for many days and years, I spoke up in her face and complained being straight forward. That was when I felt relieved of being myself. I then felt what I did was actually correct and with these people I realised I’m unique in my work and I’m resourceful in what I do. This lesson has made me believe that one should never be afraid to do what is right. It is ok to be selfish because you probably know that no one is going to travel throughout your life.

How much should I tolerate?

It’s not a day or two. It’s been quite some time since I’ve lost my job in which I thought I could establish myself as a professional instructor. The blend of little dreams was shattered in just a few days. I was lost. I couldn’t make it. The trust of what I believed was shattered. It took a few days for me to accept the reality.

I went into a dilemma of choosing what I like to study. Getting assured and being promised to pursue the course was much important rather than failing after expecting.

I never got what I really wished to. And that’s my life. I never got someone who could listen to my every minute story and make me arrive at the decision by thinking me as important.

I couldn’t accept what the reality brings me. Those unexpected situations make me gain more experience and patience in me to not expect anything. It makes me lose hope and trust on everything I have. I don’t care if I lose money. I don’t care if I get an order refused after working hard. I don’t care if I delete all my hard earned youtube profile.

My life has made me realise this because I’m not lucky to get what I wish. Though I was confident, still I get cheated in everything I try. Everything comes near me, but I can never acquire or own anything. Still, I pretend to be like I have everything for the sake of the society in which I live.