Bernadette Balla's Blog, page 4
January 18, 2021
Twin Flame Runner / Chaser
Do you have a question about your twin flame love? Leave a comment and I’ll help as much as I can!
Why do twin flames run away?
What is the runner and chaser stage?
Will twin flames that run come back?
What to do when your twin flame runs away
How to get your twin flame back
Does the twin flame runner love the chaser?
How does the twin flame runner feel?
What happens when the chaser stops chasing?
And you have switched to stuff like googling:
What's twin flame?
My twin flame is gone
Why did my twin flame go?
My twin flame abandoned me
Fleeing doesn't generally mean they'll LEAVE the relationship.
It could mean:
They turn to substances like medications or liquor
They simply need to invest less energy with you
They feel overpowered when you're together
They distance themselves emotionally from you
What it doesn't mean: They cheat you They beat you They misuse you in any capacity, intellectually, financially or sexually, In the event that you experience any of the above things, it's likely not your twin flame. There's no reason for those practices, in any relationship. Particularly not in a twin flame one.At this point, the Runner is often the more wounded "younger" soul, and the Chaser is often the more mature "older" soul.
In other words, while one partner is open to the purifying flames of passion, the other finds the wall they put up is breaking down and too much to cope with.
A twin flame runner is as it looks like, actually.
In the twin flame partnership, it's one of the couples that runs from the relationship.
They may not be able to carry on the strength of the relationship, so they are looking for something new.
They run away from the relationship, whatever the excuse, and it always leads the other person to become a twin flame chaser in the relationship.
You see twins are a perfect representation of one another, your twin flame is you.
In pursuing the outside you are pursuing the connection. You are pursuing the fantasy you have developed in your mind and you are attempting to get a handle on what can't be held. Like grasping water, love only course through, it can't be held. So in the entirety of the chasing the relationship, you at last see that you were fleeing from yourself.
Twin flame coming back?If they're the twin flame, twin flames that run away always DO come back. This indicates that there is always no need to pursue your twin flame, because if it s your twin flame is in the first place, they WILL come back to you. In case you're certain they ARE your twin fire (it's been affirmed by a genuine clairvoyant and you share a few of the signs) at that point you can do a few things to get them BACK. This is what the chaser ought to do, to rejoin quicker: Work on yourself, venture into your motivation, and be VERY open to signs and prods from the universe with regards to what to do next. Do those things, and your twin flame WILL likewise be influenced!
In any case, in the event that you continue pursuing them, utilizing the energy of 'need' and distress, that will just drive them away considerably more. You need to release them, with the end goal for them to return to you. This is something which plays out on numerous occasions.
It's the point at which the chaser quits pursuing that the twin flame begins to return!
The goal of the twin flame connection is primarily about three things.Transforming (of each other)
Elevated personal and spiritual growth
Acceleration and encouragement for others around them
What most individuals tend to miss is the advice part.
It's not just about joining up and then, together in your mansion, being happy and fulfilled.
Even more than that, it's about.
It's about empowering one another, expanding your spiritual life and serving others.
Really, that's what it boils down to.
We are here to Enable humanity to rise, on a wide scale.
This mission is thrilling.
You will cry and ask for kindness since you will feel fragmented. All the more along these lines, you will feel as though you won't ever get the opportunity to feel like nothing is wrong with the world again. In any case, I'm here to disclose to you that you will get past it. You probably won't have the option to see it at the present time, however this extreme agony inside, will before long turn into a gift in your life.
Since the torment of a Dark Night is so unfortunate, you will attempt to escape from yourself.
While your essential goal was to escape from yourself, a Dark Night will bring your consideration and mindfulness back into yourself. You will gaze at yourself in the mirror and see your agony, addictions, fears, connections, molding, marks, limits, and you will quit relating to them. You will awaken from the dream, by understanding that you are substantially more than your agony, considerably more than your misery, and that the light inside you is the most flawless light of presence.
Thus, you will tame your sense of self, and comprehend that life continues onward. You will glance around with sympathy finding that you are by all account not the only one who is languishing. This will grow your vision, and you will comprehend that the division was simply the best thing for your twin and yourself since you both actually had things to mend inside.
January 6, 2021
How Twin Flame and Soulmates Are Created
In one lifespan, when you enter a certain level of consciousness or a higher frequency level, the soul must be separated into two in order to return to a physical body.
Which means that there are two of you exploring the world, practically. Both of you are half the energy that you were initially. It only applies among those who have attained a certain consciousness frequency or level.
There is a magnet in your “twin" that kind of draws the two of you together (like attracts like), and you can meet at any moment, at any point in your path through life.
The bond is very, very strong when you come together.This is because in your own mind and body, you not only struggle with "baggage" but also have to deal with your "baggage" in another body.
This means that not only do the two of you see yourself in each other, but you also see the opposing qualities and defects.
It's more like staring at each other, like looking at a mirror.
Twin Flame connections are generally sentimental on the grounds that there is a fascination on all levels, including a sexual fascination. Twin Flame connections don't need to be male - female, they can likewise be male-male and female-female.
At the point when you meet your Twin Flame, there is a moment feeling of "knowing" and association. Individuals may remark that you resemble the other the same or that you look “great together." Often, you two will have fundamentally the same as characters and mirror the light and shadow sides of one another.
The sources of both are somewhat identical. But in your life, you will find more than one soulmate. We have come to think our soulmate is our companion or life partner.
But that isn't it. There is no reason for you to marry your soulmate.
There is no required requirement that a soulmate in your life must have a romantic role.
In reality, it is a very wrong approach for a soulmate or a twin flames solely for romantic promises.
This partnerships go beyond a romantic association's completion.They are here to support us in this journey of our lives.
And that means leading us as necessary and encouraging us.
What to do next when you see 11:11? Buy the video now!A soulmate and twin flame, each with a special role to play.
It is one of those occasions which are called extraordinary. For you to comprehend the significance of both these classes of spirits you experience through life, you first need to comprehend the inceptions of each.
How your soul is createdThis is one of many moments that are considered exceptional.
To grasp the meaning of both of these types of spirits that you encounter in life, you first need to understand the beginnings of each one.
At the point when a spirit is made, it is never appeared out of nowhere alone. There is normally a gathering of comparable spirits who appeared together. This is your spirit gathering. The spirits who were made close by you, are your perfect partners.
Through your life on Earth, you'll experience probably a few if not every one of them. What's more, they may come in your life for an extremely limited ability to focus may remain with you for a long while, as a parent, friend or pets.
They will be best ready to manage you through the good and bad times of life, as you may help them as well.
Twin Flames is a person
who really is the other half.
Your soul has been divided into two parts through your incarnation on Earth, and when you reach them, you will again become united.
They're not only your love interest, they're practically a part of you, and you can rise to deeper spirituality only together.
However we need to be prepared for this.The link between the twin flames is strong.There's nothing you could have ever previously encountered like this.For you to truly grasp and accept the bond between your twin flames, you both have to be complete in yourself. To be able to control the strength of a twin flames relation, you need to be understanding and mature.
It is quite unusual and occurs only once in life.
You're not going to have to waste your time struggling to trace your twin fire. When the time is right for both of you, the world will make sure that you two meet each other.You may sometimes not be able to remember your Twin Flame before you broke into two because you were unable to recover the same level of consciousness you obtained before you were split into 2.
Put it this way, you spend a lifetime knowing a higher frequency and higher vibration, then all of a sudden you lose half of it and come into physical shape with half of the vitality or awareness you once had.
This can show in your youth years as feeling strange, as you don't have a place, baffled about the world and exceptionally curious.
To be at a low frequencies or vibration and trying to recover your "consciousness" is a difficulty that this time around you have to conquer, and often it will take several lifetimes to achieve the level you once were at.
As soon as your Twin Flame is formed, at the same time or within a few years of each other, you reach Earth.
Perhaps one of the most admirable and most daunting spiritual journeys of all is the Twin Flame Path.
Honorable, because your soul needs a lot of courage and dedication to choose to go on this 3D path to lead to humanity's ultimate ascension.
It's rough because this process is most often about repeating those habits and loops over and over again before you eventually understand the message and recover your soul.
The voyage of the twin soul is not about union; it is about discovering the reason of why your soul wants this divine journey to experience. During this year, the global awakened consciousness will grow and will contribute to a large number of unions across the globe within the next few years.
While everything looks like a sweet fairy tale where you get together with your twin at last, the fact is that instead of flowers, the road to unification is covered with thorns.
It is necessary for both to recover fully from all the trauma and programming that they have absorbed in the 3D for the twin flames to be in union.
And by astronomical phenomena such as the 3 eclipses we have seen lately, the cosmos has provided major causes over the year for this healing to take place.
BUY [ Why you're seeing 11:11 for $11.99]You will find people are more condescending, prickly and dissatisfied than their normal selves, if you actually study the world and people around you.
People who are susceptible to the forces and auras surrounding them frequently get ill, upset their sleep habits, feel lethargic and exhausted even after having a full slumber.
Have you encountered a Twin Flame experience? Do you have questions? Leave a comment!
Twin Flame vs Soulmates
In one lifespan, when you enter a certain level of consciousness or a higher frequency level, the soul must be separated into two in order to return to a physical body.
Which means that there are two of you exploring the world, practically. Both of you are half the energy that you were initially. It only applies among those who have attained a certain consciousness frequency or level.
There is a magnet in your "twin" that kind of draws the two of you together (like
attracts like), and you can meet at any moment, at any point in your path through life.
The bond is very, very strong when you come together.
This is because in your own mind and body, you not only struggle with "baggage" but also have to deal with your "baggage" in another body.
This means that not only do the two of you see yourself in each other, but you also see the opposing qualities and defects.
It's more like staring at each other, like looking at a mirror.
Twin Flame connections are generally sentimental on the grounds that there is a fascination on all levels, including a sexual fascination. Twin Flame connections don't need to be male - female, they can likewise be male-male and female-female.
At the point when you meet your Twin Flame, there is a moment feeling of "knowing" and association. Individuals may remark that you resemble the other the same or that you look "great together." Often, you two will have fundamentally the same as characters and mirror the light and shadow sides of one another.
The sources of both are somewhat identical.
But in your life, you will find more than one soulmate.
We have come to think our soulmate is our companion or life partner.
But that isn't it.
There is no reason for you to marry your soulmate.
There is no required requirement that a soulmate in your life must have a romantic role.
In reality, it is a very wrong approach for a soulmate or a twin flames solely for romantic promises.
This partnerships go beyond a romantic association's completion.
They are here to support us in this journey of our lives.
And that means leading us as necessary and encouraging us.
A soulmate and twin flame, each with a special role to play.
It is one of those occasions which are called extraordinary. For you to comprehend the significance of both these classes of spirits you experience through life, you first need to comprehend the inceptions of each.
How your soul is createdThis is one of many moments that are considered exceptional.
To grasp the meaning of both of these types of spirits that you encounter in life, you first need to understand the beginnings of each one.
At the point when a spirit is made, it is never appeared out of nowhere alone. There is normally a gathering of comparable spirits who appeared together. This is your spirit gathering. The spirits who were made close by you, are your perfect partners.
Through your life on Earth, you'll experience probably a few if not every one of them. What's more, they may come in your life for an extremely limited ability to focus may remain with you for a long while, as a parent, friend or pets.
They will be best ready to manage you through the good and bad times of life, as you may help them as well.
Twin Flames is a person
who really is the other half.
Your soul has been divided into two parts through your incarnation on Earth, and when you reach them, you will again become united.
They're not only your love interest, they're practically a part of you, and you can rise to deeper spirituality only together.
However we need to
be prepared for this.
The link between the
twin flames is strong.
There's nothing you could have
ever previously encountered like this.
For you to truly grasp and accept the bond between
your twin flames, you both have to be complete in yourself.
To be able to control the strength of a
twin flames relation, you need to be understanding and mature.
It is quite unusual and occurs only once in life.
You're not going to have to waste your time struggling to trace your twin fire.
When the time is right for both of you, the world will make sure that you two meet each other.
You may sometimes not be able to remember your Twin Flame before you broke into two because you were unable to recover the same level of consciousness you obtained before you were split into 2.
Put it this way, you spend a lifetime knowing a higher frequency and higher vibration, then all of a sudden you lose half of it and come into physical shape with half of the vitality or awareness you once had.
This can show in your youth years as feeling strange, as you don't have a place, baffled about the world and exceptionally curious.
To be at a low frequencies or vibration and trying to recover your "consciousness" is a difficulty that this time around you have to conquer, and often it will take several lifetimes to achieve the level you once were at.
As soon as your Twin Flame is formed, at the same time or within a few years of each other, you reach Earth.
Perhaps one of the most admirable and most daunting spiritual journeys of all is the Twin Flame Path.
Honorable, because your soul needs a lot of courage and dedication to choose to go on this 3D path to lead to humanity's ultimate ascension.
It's rough because this process is most often about repeating those habits and loops over and over again before you eventually understand the message and recover your soul.
The voyage of the twin soul is not about union; it is about discovering the reason of why your soul wants this divine journey to experience. During this year, the global awakened consciousness will grow and will contribute to a large number of unions across the globe within the next few years.
While everything looks like a sweet fairy tale where you get together with your twin at last, the fact is that instead of flowers, the road to unification is covered with thorns.
It is necessary for both to recover fully from all the trauma and programming
that they have absorbed in the 3D for the twin flames to be in union.
And by astronomical phenomena such as the 3 eclipses we have seen lately, the
cosmos has provided major causes over the year for this healing to take place.
You will find people are more condescending, prickly and dissatisfied than their normal selves, if you actually study the world and people around you.
People who are susceptible to the forces and auras surrounding them frequently get ill, upset their sleep habits, feel lethargic and exhausted even after having a full slumber.
Have you encountered a Twin Flame experience? Do you have questions? Leave a comment!
January 4, 2021
Twin Flame Angel Numbers
The best way to explain these patterns and sequences is the symbol of the universe.
Number patterns begin to become so persistent is against all probability that they get your eye.
Also called angel numbers these occurrences stand out because it's statistically impossible that you'd see them if they weren't deliberately put before you.
There is some controversy about ideologies, and where these numbers actually come from whether this is your twin flame, your higher self, or even anything entirely external (like your spiritual guides).
Why you see them.They give direction and consolation.
They won't generally illuminate precisely what we need to hear in plain English, yet they are there to help. The real importance of the number example is the place where you can get more explicit direction. However the way that you're seeing them at all is a positive sign that you're on a genuine twin fire venture.
I do believe it's significant that you tune in to the message of the number examples and don't simply kick back and trust that the universe will thoroughly take care of you.
There's a significance to these particular number groupings and we'll take a gander at that in a second.
Does my twin flame also see numbers?This is an interesting one to reply.
The appropriate response is in fact yes since anybody experiencing this sort of profound association is probably going to be guided by heavenly attendant numbers.
The issue here is they're less inclined to see number themes and synchronicities on the off chance that they're the sprinter since they're (usually) less profoundly mindful in their spirituality. In case you're experiencing a separation stage it's completely likely these examples are introducing themselves to your twin and they're absolutely unaware of them…!
This is significant: Just in light of the fact that you don't see one or any of these groupings doesn't mean you're not in a twin relationship. The excursion is diverse for us all and it's unfathomably uncommon to try and be at this stage not to mention observing any of these numbers.
Twin Flame Angel Number 1010
This is a sign of creation, spiritual development, and growth. It's a call to take things to the next level and to concentrate on you.
Twin Flame 222Patterns with a strong use of number 2, such as 222 and 22:22, ask for confidence and persistence.
A reminder that the twin flame journey is rarely simple, and it often takes a little inspiration to keep us on track.
222, in particular during tough times of separation, gives you support and a shoulder to cry on.
Twin Flame 333
Groupings with the number 3 (33, 333 and 3333 for instance) are a ground-breaking indication of association. While different examples give direction or consolation to the overall energy, the 333 example is a ground-breaking token of your profound mission and why these difficulties are set before you. If you could somehow take this into consideration and reflect on your quest and spiritual growth, then the importance of this sequence is maybe one of the most exciting you can see.
It is a sign of transformation and higher purpose.
Twin Flame 444
The twin number 4 regularly mean love and enthusiasm. That solid force that drives you both to one another. Seeing numbers like 44, 444 or 4444 is an indication that your twin has you in their contemplations. Generally during times of high feeling, out of the blue, their psyche has likely gone to you when you see this example.
Twin Flame 555An indication of fast approaching change and you need to set yourself up. 555, 5/5/5 or 55:55, for instance, are solid signs that something is going to occur.
Twin Flame 666Although some societies do not like the number 6 patterns (666 as the numbers for the devil), the number 6 patterns (including the 666 patterns) are indicators of our vibrational frequency - a symbol of genuine affection from the people of our lives.
The number 6 is the number of innovation and language.Perhaps it's time to share your affection and emotions, or to prove that your twin is subconsciously expressing their emotions with you.
Twin Flame 7777 is a call for awareness and spiritual awakening. A sign we want to see from the runner flame, but the pattern can also appear when we spiritually evolve ourselves during any phase of the journey. It’s a sign of progression and while maybe doesn’t herald an immediate change like the number 5, it’s a reassuring sign that you’re taking a step in the right direction towards union.
Twin Flame 888Number 8 is an example of prosperity and accomplishment in angel numbers.
In the positive hand, it's fantastic news, but the 888 sequence is probably one of the most complicated for your travel to decode any significance because this is such an overarching message of progress.
It could be anywhere within your life.
January 3, 2021
Can you - and should you - try to change narcissists?
Look, I’m going to be real with you here.
It may sound harsh but… safe yourself the headache. And the heartache.
It’s going to be tempting to try - and yes, you’ll think that you’re “different” and that you can change them - but….. It usually doesn’t work like that.
You can’t help narcissists simply because most of them don’t want to be helped. They don’t think there’s anything wrong with them in the first place.
So, what is narcissism?
They think they’re much better than others. They feel entitled to things. They expect you to always conform to their wishes and desires.
And if you don’t, they’re not afraid to manipulate you into feeling and doing EXACTLY what they want from you.
You know, narcissists are so. much. more. than people obsessed with themselves.
It’s so hard to define them actually.
First of all, they’re NOT madly in love with themselves. They don’t spend days in front of the mirror. They don’t want to be the center of attention because they enjoy it.
Actually, all of that behavior is just a mask to hide on what’s really going on the inside.
The reason why they appear so full of themselves is because they are, in fact, VERY much empty.
Not empty of emotion – empty of self-love and self-worth.
The truth is, they DO have emotions and emotional needs that need to be met (just like regular people) but they don’t have the skills – or the emotional maturity – to communicate what they expect from the other person.
Because after all, having our emotional needs met and meeting the emotional needs of another person is what emotional maturity is all about – that’s how you make friends!
Building relationships with narcissists is impossible. Since they lack empathy, they can’t form a real emotional connection to any other person…. Let alone offer something in return. (they can manipulate you into thinking they do, though)
What they feel strongly about is primal emotions – think fear and anger the most.
That’s why they’re known to behave so… so off-putting and aggressive.
They’re scared.
Deep down, most narcissists are drowning in their own insecurities, hence the need to put on a show for the rest of the world. They have a massive void and try to compensate for that void by CONSTANTLY asking for the admiration and attention of others.
I could go on and on talking about this.
What I’ve said so far is what I’ve noticed from my experience – the truth is, there can always be some differences from one narcissist to another. No two narcissists are the same!
Another thing to point out is that we can all sometimes be a bit narcissistic but that doesn’t make us narcissists.
That’s why I think it’d be helpful if I gave you some pointers on how to tell if you’re dealing with a narcissist and what can you do to keep your sanity!
How to tell if someone’s a narcissist
Narcissists are everywhere around us but it’s often very hard to spot a narcissist when you first meet them.
The reason is, they can appear as a crowd’s favorite. They can be extremely charismatic and charming and people-pleasing, just to get you to like them.
Also, they may seem easy-going at first but once you meet them…. You’ll realize they are anything but!
Just to be sure, I looked this up and here are the MAJOR red flags to tell if someone’s a narcissist. If someone has one or two of these, it’s fine – but if someone you know has MOST of the signs on the list, you better watch out!
· They talk a LOT – and you don’t get to say anything!
Building relationships with someone requires conversations. And conversations are done by TWO people taking turns talking!
Narcissists love doing a lot of talking but prefer to do ZERO listening, just because they pretty much don’t care about what you have to say. Even if you do get a chance to talk, the conversation will redirect back to them in NO TIME.
If you’re talking with a narcissist, expect to be interrupted at least a dozen times and leave that conversation feeling emotionally drained!
Observe – how do you feel when interacting with someone? If they don’t make you feel good during a simple conversation, how do you expect them to be a good friend or partner?
· They don’t care about you
Narcissists can’t identify with other people because they lack both empathy and compassion.
I’ve once read a report from a therapist specializing in treating patients with NPD (Narcissist Personality Disorder) who claims that one-third of her patients can develop SOME empathy very slowly, under the condition that they put in the hard work…
I will NEVER again be in a relationship with a person who can’t relate to me and what I’m going through because that person will make you feel miserable at times you need them the most.
· They try very hard to impress you
Narcissists excel at bragging.
Trust me, the less reasons they have to brag about, the MORE they’ll keep on bragging. That’s how they compensate for the lack of self-confidence – that’s how they do an ego boost!
Most of that is fluff.
· They ask for special treatment
Hey, so I know we can all be special snowflakes for some things… like, we all enjoy getting special treatment but narcissists are next level.
They don’t only ask for special treatment – they DEMAND for constant, never-ending streams of attention and flattery and are known to get seriously upset if they’re not treated like royalty 24/7.
To see if your new friend or partner is guilty of this, just observe how they treat others around them. Do they get impatient or downright evil if they don’t get the special treatment they think they deserve?
If the answer’s yes, then that may be a HUGE red flag!
· They are quick to snap if things don’t go the way they want
Narcissists are known to be unable to handle rejection or failure or anything that indicates things aren’t going the way they want or expect.
It’s like watching a grown up toddler throw a tantrum for a menial reason.
On top of that, even if you suggest ways of handling the disappointment, they never ever want to take responsibility for their own life… and would rather point fingers to others..
Life doesn’t always turn the way we want and being able to cope with that fact is one of the keys to being happy, content and at peace with yourself.
Have you ever had to deal with a narcissist? Be in a relationship with a narcissist? Have someone in your family that’s a narcissist?
I’d love to hear your stories and your experience, please tag on me Instagram @bernadetteballa
Tag me on instagram!
Resources
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/narcissism
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/toxic-relationships/201812/how-spot-narcissist
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/compassion-matters/201411/are-you-narcissist-infographic
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-narcissist-in-your-life/201910/is-narcissism-treatable
December 30, 2020
Your Twin Flame and Soulmates
Today’s episode is about twin flames and soul mates. Have you ever met someone for the first time, but in your heart you feel as if you have met them before? Have you ever met someone and instantly felt a connection between you and him?
As you grow spiritually, you start seeing more and more truth unfolding before your eyes, and you start understanding life more profoundly. .
You also come to the point when you realize there are different types of spiritual and cosmic connections between individuals.
Soul mates are deep, profound connections, these are people you just click with.
But did you know that there is another level of spiritual bonding, which is even deeper and stronger than the soul mates connection? These connections are called twin flames, and they are very special and very rare. So, what exactly are twin flames?You might hear every now and then‘mirror soul’ or ‘soul connection’. Well, these are just different names for twin flames.
Twin flame is the other half of your soul. The theory says that when a soul is created, it splits in two parts, and they incarnate over and over again in different bodies, until eventually they come together as a whole.
A soulmate is someone you have a close relationship with, he or she is made from the same type of energy as you and you have a deep level of understanding of each other.
A twin flame is somebody that exists in fusion with you, it’s a connection on another level.
It’s a divine, magnetic union between you and the other person.
You can have many soul mates because there are many people you can align with on a deeper level, but there is only one twin flame you can click with.Twin flame is the other part of your soul – this is why you can only have one twin flame. And that’s also the reason why not every person has met their twin flame. It’s not easy to encounter your other half, right?
Meeting your twin flame usually ends up in a romance, but it can also manifest as a unique, deep friendship.
You know you’ve met your soul mate when this person shows you what’s holding you back. Your soul mate is constantly bringing problems and questions to your attention, because this way you grow for the better. Your soul mate comes to you to shake things up, wake you up and make sure you’re not avoiding the elephant in the room.
Your soul mate push you to figure out your karmic issues and grow to a higher spiritual level.You will instantly know you’ve met your soul mate if this person is pushing your boundaries and making you overcome your fears and deal with your problems. That’s how you can easily recognize you’ve met your soulmate.
But here comes your twin flame. While your soulmate is somebody you have a strong bond with and whose purpose is to help you get on a higher personal level, your twin flame is a person you have a divine bond with, he is a mirror of you. In other words, you are each other’s yin yang.
But don’t get me wrong when I said your twin flame is your other half: that doesn’t mean you have any void that needs filling. You can live a very happy and contented life. What I’m saying is that if, or when you find your twin flame, the feeling is like you’ve found a part of yourself in another person, like you’ve just completed yourself on a whole other spiritual level. It’s a crazy and very powerful feeling!
Your twin flame is somebody you are destined to connect to on a mental, physical, emotional and spiritual level. This person is your mirror, he’s the mirror of your personality, your deepest needs and desires. He will reflect to you all your inner strengths, your inner beauty and shadows. That’s what I meant when I said your twin flame is bringing you to a whole different level.
how do you make sure you’ve met exactly your twin flame and not another soul mate?.
It’s difficult for some because one person is aware and ready while the other might not be ready for such a powerful connection. Sometimes things are not rosy and one of you has to overcome his or her personal barriers to allow the other half to enter their life.
Another way to know you’ve met your twin flame is if you make an immediate bond with this person. You will feel immediately comfortable, and his presence feels like you’ve arrived home. Like this is the person you’ve been looking for.
December 14, 2020
Have you heard of Spirit Babies?
Spirit babies are souls that had previous lives but now are ready to be reborn and start a new life. They often have past life connections to the people who are going to take care of them in their new life.
I said ‘the people’ because it’s not always the parents who have this connection – sometimes a spirit baby gets born in a family where it has this past life connection with the grandparents, or the siblings, or the uncles or aunts.
This connection may have been built because in your past life you’ve helped them, and now they come to you to help you back or return your kindness during this life. It’s also possible that your spirit baby might be someone special who you lost, and now he’s coming back to you as your spirit baby.
So that day I was having this nice conversation with a friend of mine. I wouldn’t describe her as a very spiritual person – she’s more pragmatic than spiritual, but she is very open-minded and likes learning about spirits guides, angel numbers and other things spiritual. So we were chatting about life and stuff, and we got to the point about angel numbers. As I was telling her about angel numbers and that they are messages from our spirit guides, she asked me a very interesting question.
She said: ‘Okay, Bernadette, are there other forms of messages we get from our spirit guides? But not numbers… like.. objects, people…’
That got me very curious because I know her and she wouldn’t say anything like that unless she knew something or something happened and it had a special meaning for her.
I just asked her directly ‘Okay, you got something in mind, what is it?’
So, as she is walking down the street rushing for somewhere, she passes by a kids shop and her eyes fix on a very beautiful baby dress. She said she still remembers all the details of how this dress looked, but she has no idea why she was so impressed by this dress. Then she keeps on walking and a mother with a baby passes by her. A few minutes later she hears a crying baby behind her.
She said back this day she saw so many babies it felt like she has never seen so many in her life. It seemed strange to her.
She described it as they were manifesting especially to her. She knew about selective attention and she knew that when you need or want something, you start seeing it everywhere
And to make it even more confusing, she was shifting careers back then and she was flying to another city for a job interview. On that plane she said she felt absolutely shocked, because there were so many babies it seemed odd now.
And to add to that, a mother with a baby was next to her, and the mother asked her to hold her baby for a minute so she could go to the toilet, and as she was holding it the baby puked on her shirt because it had just eaten.
The story gets crazy here as my friend had no extra clothes with her and was in a rush for the interview, so she went there with the stain. In the end of the interview she apologized that a baby puked on her shirt and that’s why she has a stain, and shockingly, she got the job – the interviewer said: ‘It’s impressive that you are able to take care of a baby and still be productive. To me that means you can handle stressful situations and you can deal with times when you have a lot on your plate’.
All these situations led my friend to me that day, and as little spiritual as she is – she’s a super pragmatic person – she was sitting in front of me searching for answers, and she was convinced at this point there was something going on on a spiritual level here.
I was not very familiar with the concept of spirit babies back then, but I knew for sure she was receiving a message from a spirit and she shouldn’t neglect that.
Well, because she got the job, she moved to that city together with her fiancé. Her new job was way less stressful, so she had more time for her fiancé. It turns out that he had always wanted a baby with her but he felt she wasn’t ready because she was too focused on her career, so he never pushed her and just gave her time. Now that they moved and their life changed, she started thinking about a baby.
When she called me last year and she said she’s pregnant, I already knew the answer to the question she asked me back in our conversation.
That was her spirit baby sending her messages and showing her it’s time for her to become a mother to the baby she was always meant to have.
To help you understand this whole thing – imagine the Spirit Realm. So there are the spirits of people currently living their life, spirits of people who have recently passed away, spirits of people who are not ready to be reborn, so they are still wandering around the spirit realm getting ready, and then we have the spirit babies, who are spirits ready to be reborn.
It’s very interesting how spirit babies manifest to the parents they’ve chosen. There are plenty of signs you should watch out for because they might be pointing you to your spirit baby.
My friend’s signs were the repeating manifestations of babies. That’s a common sign – if you are experiencing selective attention and for some reason your attention is constantly drawn to babies, chances are this is your spirit baby giving you a sign it’s time for you to start thinking in this direction.
Also, maybe babies are constantly looking at you very attentively, maybe they are giggling when they see you – attention here – they know you have a spirit baby waiting for you to make the step.
Also, if a name pops in your head out of the blue, and then you start seeing this name too often and it stays with you, maybe this is your spirit baby introducing itself to you, maybe it’s telling you its name.
Or if people constantly tell you you’re going to be a great parent someday, or you feel like buying something for your future baby, well, that’s not just a whim: this is manifested to you through your Spirit Baby.
But keep in mind sometimes you receive all the messages and manifestations of a Spirit Baby, but the child might not be yours. Sometimes it’s another family member’s baby that you have a deep connection with.
I told you in the beginning that Spirit Babies are soul connections with us, so it’s a soul that is ready to be reborn in order to come in your life and bring kindness because you helped it in your past life. So yes, it’s absolutely possible that your Spirit Baby is somebody else’s child.
In this situation it’s very important how you feel about it. Your guts are a very intelligent guide. I’ve already explained this in breadth and depth in my book ‘Intuition is Your Superpower’, but let me say that again: your intuition is pointing you to the answers you need. So if you feel like you want to become a parent, this is definitely your Spirit Baby that has chosen you and is ready to be reborn.
Even if you’re not planning to have a baby but kids and babies love you and you hear people telling you you’ll make a great parent, chances are you have a Spirit Baby standing behind this.
If your intuition is telling you you’re still not ready for a child but you’re in such a situation, then your Spirit Baby will come as somebody else’s child, but you’re meant to be close and spend time together. It’s a matter of a spiritual connection more than a biological connection. So yes, I want to reaffirm you – you should listen to and trust your intuition.
Also, you can even have more than one spirit baby. Maybe you have twin spirit babies. You will know that because they have different energy and communicate with you in their own distinct and special way. There are ways that you can talk to your Spirit Babies, so you can ask for confirmation if you have more than one.
But how can you speak with your spirit babies? Like, what are the ways?
There are different ways. One way is to ask them for signs, but you have to be as specific as possible. For example, ask them to show you something rare to confirm your question. It has to be something that you won’t mistake if you see. You can also ask them to send you answers in your dreams. But I recommend that you write them somewhere because you can easily forget their messages.
Another way is through meditation. When you meditate, your soul and mind are calmed, and open to receive spiritual messages.
Saying this, I’m thinking about my friend before she moved and changed jobs. She was constantly questioning whether she should stay in the company where she worked or change jobs and move to the field she specifically enjoyed, which happened to be in another city. It was clear to me that changing jobs is the best thing to do because I could see her drained after yet another crazy day, and to me really enjoying what you do can’t be as draining as doing something because you just have to.
She was constantly in a hurry and her mind was just busy with everything else but the space to think seriously about that. And the idea for having a baby was nowhere around her at that time. She started meditating from time to time, and funny, at some point she managed to empty her mind from the stress and focus on what’s important for her. That’s when she realized she should take the step and apply for the new job. And that’s about the time she started getting the messages from her Spirit Baby. And her Spirit Baby helped her get the job so she could also have the peace to become a mother.
Isn’t it crazy? Things are so connected but we only start seeing the connections when we give our minds some peace and clarity.
I am pretty sure her Spirit Baby started manifesting when it knew she’s ready for that step in her life. And she was ready only after she started meditating and seeing things with more clarity.
And there’s one last thing I want to share with you about Spirit Babies because I think it’s important to know:
Spirit Babies sometimes come to you but then they return back to the Spirit Realms because they need to overcome a fear or make some adjustments. This is when abortions or miscarriages occur.
Yes, your Spirit Baby can terminate your pregnancy if it feels like it needs to go back and readjust its life plan. Sometimes they make the decision at a very late stage, and that’s when miscarriages happen. It’s important to know that these things happen because of your Spirit Baby’s decision, so you shouldn’t be blaming yourself if that happens to you.
So, to go back to my friend’s question whether there are other types of manifestations of our spirit guides – yes, there are. Angel Numbers are just one of the ways. Your spirit baby can also be your spirit guide. Just like in my friend’s situation, she got helped out by her Spirit Baby, so yes, watch out for them! As I told you earlier, you can talk to them and ask them questions. They are not with you all the time, but they come when they are needed.
October 18, 2020
Where are your guides in this pandemic?
Spirit guides are this awesome group of high energy beings that are following us everywhere, always watching our back and guiding us towards happiness.
But come a time when life is not going good… and it’s completely natural that you have a few doubts. Like, hey guys, are you working right now, what’s going on?
One of the most common questions… Well, it isn’t even a question, it’s more like a dilemma I get lately: Bernadette, things aren’t going to plan right now and I am freaking out! Weren’t my spirit guides supposed to warn me the world’s going to turn into chaos?
And I get it, I understand it’s deeply unsettling when you make plans, set goals, work hard and see ZERO results for reasons that have nothing to do with you.
And yes, you will wonder WHERE’s that higher guidance when you need it the most – where’s your spirit guides now?
My point is, you’re not alone with thoughts like that.
We didn’t miss on any messages or lowered our vibrational levels to the extent that we attracted nothing but bad things.
After a lot of meditation and a few deep talks with my own spirit guides I’m finally able to understand WHY spirit guides don’t shout out warnings when life’s not going the way we want it.
That’s why I want you to join me today as we talk more about what’s going on when life gives us lemons, what on Earth are our spirit guides doing at a time of crisis, and what’s the best way to respond so we enter the next stage of our lives happier and stronger.
So you think life’s not going according to plan……but before you become DEEPLY convinced there’s a conspiracy theory against you, I want you to take the time and think about this: how do you know that the life you so desperately want is the right life for you?
It’s not that a plan – or a desire, or a wish – isn’t working. It’s that the specific plan, desire, wish or whatever else you want to call it, is not the right fit for us.
At the time, we may think it is but it is really not.
Sometimes, the best thing that can happen to us is not getting what we want!
I understand it’s not easy to let go and have a bit of faith but seriously, things are working out in your best interest, even when it doesn’t feel like it.
What we can do is take the rejection with gratitude. Like hey spirit guides, thank you guys for watching my back! Thank you Universe for not manifesting EVERYTHING I want! YOU THE BEST, I can’t wait to see what’s in store for me because it’s sure much better than what I wanted in the first place!
That shift in the way we think won’t only save us from heartache and disappointment but it’ll change our lives. It helps your energy go from low to high in an instant, and we know that’s the place we want to be if we want more of the good things in life, right?
What do spirit guides do during a crisis?
Actually, hold on – what do they do BEFORE the crisis? If they are that good at knowing the future, why don’t they get out of their way to stop us from making mistakes?!
Life would be so much easier if spirit guides worked like that but they don’t.
So here’s the deal.
The future – our future – isn’t set in stone.
The choices we make along the way shape our future.
It’s like that interactive episode of Black Mirror, remember? Different choices you make lead to different endings.
Well, real life’s something like that. Call it the Butterfly Effect if you want but every single decision we’ve made, big or small, has brought us to where we are today.
And here’s the trick.
Our spirit guides can only see the possibilities that lie ahead but they don’t know – and they cannot know – what’s the choice we’re going to make.
Let’s say, they can see that in the near future, you’ll get two job offers, one in LA, the other one in NYC… but they won’t be able to see which one you pick until YOU make that decision.
I swear, my life would be easier too if my spirit guides could tell me what to do! Even better if they could FORCE me to make the right choice.
Basically, the advice we get from our spirit guides is more in the form of guidance rather than predictions.
For instance, my spirit guides knew I wasn’t exactly happy with my career the last few years.
They saw several options for me: the one where I stayed, the one where I got another job, and the one where I started my own business. If you think about it, those were the ONLY solutions to the problem but I never really saw it that way.
My spirit guides never said a word about what my future would be like if I’d chosen one of them… no weird dreams, no nothing. They’ve sent me the clues but ultimately, they let ME decide.
They DID help in the only way they could: they'd sent me signals when I was moving in the right direction and gave me warnings when I was not.
Overtime, the more I worked to get in tune with the higher guidance, the easier it became for me to interpret the signals and understand what MAY be the best next step.
I say MAY here because believe it or not, sometimes things change by the minute!
Sometimes, some things change because SOMEONE ELSE, another person, made a different decision.
I mean, don’t get me wrong, we’re responsible for our own life 99% percent of the time, it’s just that THAT 1% is sometimes well out of reach! Just take a look at what’s happening in 2020 and you get the idea.
One of my followers worked really hard on finding her true path. Her spirit guides were constantly nudging her in the direction to quit her job, start her own biz and travel the world.
And she finally did that in January 2020… but you know what happened next, right.
Yup, that’s right – the covid-19 pandemic started mere WEEKS after. Airports closed, travel bans took place, businesses came down… not the best start, right?
Initially, she freaked out BIG TIME, because hey, it’s no fun being in THAT position during the worst medical crisis in modern history.
She was also in the process of moving out of her apartment, so there she was, making THE decision that was supposed to change her life and things definitely, definitely didn’t go the way she planned. And should I mention her ticket to Thailand has gone to waste or did you already figured that out?
So did she interpret the wrong message? Did the spirit guides send the wrong message? What the hell happened here? Who’s to blame?
The truth is, no one’s to blame!
Even though she was obviously disappointed and her enthusiasm dwindled, I insisted she keeps up with all the work: the daily meditations, the dream journaling, the active imagination.
And while she may not be in Thailand right now, she was able to rent a house upstate and jumpstart her online business.
Actually, she’s really happy with the way things have turned out right now, since she’s had MORE time to focus on work and had the advantage of having people pay more attention to social media, meaning she got traction FASTER than she’d normally do.
Now, when travel is possible again, she won’t have to worry about getting a business off the ground and things are going to be so much easier, meaning she can enjoy her travels more. So while it definitely didn’t go as planned, in the end, things did turn out in her best interest!
That’s why I don’t want you to worry when life’s not going according to plan, 99% of the time is for a higher good.
Since putting this into practice is easier said than done (and there’s always the voice of doubt at the back of your mind) I want you to think about 5 times when things didn’t go to plan but in the end, they turned out to be even BETTER than you’ve imagined.
Thoughts? Comments welcome.
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July 11, 2020
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When I say the correct way, I mean in a way that you can decipher what your subconscious and unconscious parts are trying to tell you via your dreams.
How often do you dream? Are your dreams black and white or in color?
Do you remember your dreams?
How are dreams making you feel – positive or negative?
Are there recurring dreams that you keep on dreaming but have no clue what it means?
Are there any people you dream more often than others?
My interest in dreams is recent and even though I’ve been a spiritual person for decades, I’m going to go on and admit that I hadn’t been paying much attention to my dreams until a few years ago.
I was blown away by the whole concept of dreaming and how the unconscious uses our dreams to materialize whatever’s going on deep within us.
Everything we suppress or don’t talk about or ignore is coming back to haunt us in our dreams. Haunt is probably too strong of a word to use here but bear with me for a while, I’ll explain why I’ve used it.
To me, the moment I realized that dreams aren’t only random images we see in our Rapid Eye Movement stage part of the dream was life-changing.
I immediately got obssessed and started exploring more about Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung and any other therapist that tried to figure out what the hell do our dreams mean.
What prompted me to dive even deeper in the field of dreams was a recurring dream of mine. You know how sometimes, there’s this dream that we keep on dreaming over and over again?
Well, that’s exactly what happened to me.
For some people, that’s running away from something – for example, my college roommate kept dreaming she and her family are trying to escape a war for YEARS!
Others keep seeing the same place in their dream – and even more common, they keep dreaming that they’re stuck.
My recurring dream was FALLING.
For years, I kept dreaming that I’m falling in all sorts of different situations.
I’d dream that I’m standing on the top of a tall building and people are watching me, expecting me to jump…. And instead of jumping and flying, I end up falling.
I’d dream that I’m stuck on a cliff, overlooking a MASSIVE canyon when my leg slips… woah, just the thought of that canyon is enough to give me chills and make me feel a knot in my stomach.
FALLING is one of the MOST COMMON dreams people have, so I didn’t pay much attention to it.
I googled the meaning a few times but it was always you’re upset about something, something’s stressing you out in real life, blah blah blah. And since I’m mortified of heights anyway, it made perfect sense.
My thinking went something along these lines: I’m scared of heights so my brain probably remembers the last time I took the elevator to the 50th floor or something, nothing’s wrong, I’m good to go.
Why dreams can’t be interpreted the same
There’s data that people have been dreaming for as long as the human race exists. Even animals dream and relive their days all over again.
Since our dreams can be very realistic, people have always tried to give them meaning.
Some cultures considered – actually, still consider – dreams to hold predictions for the future. Others believe that’s how spirits communicate with us from the other world and send us messages or give us warnings.
Different cultures interpret dreams differently. For example, dreaming of an owl might mean death in some cultures, wisdom in another one, and hearing big news in a third one.
So which one’s right?
The truth is, there’s no right answer here.
An owl can mean anything… and it really depends on the person who dreams of an owl.
If you’ve ever tried to interpret dreams on your own and you looked it up on Google, then you were probably left with more questions than answers.
That happens because we expect there to be a one-size-fit-all formula for dream interpretations – and that’s just not how it works.
To figure out what YOUR dreams mean, you have to approach them from an individual point of view.
Let’s say I dreamt of a purple cow last night and you dreamt of a purple cow last night too.
Our purple cows don’t have the same meaning.
The only way to give meaning to my purple cow is to look at what’s going on in my life right now.
Am I waking up my creativity? YES! Am I allowing my energy to flow more freely and be more unusual? YES!
Am I doing weird and unconventional things that make me stand out in a crowd? ALSO YES!
But your purple cow can’t be and shouldn’t be interpreted the same as mine and I’m going to explain to you why.
You know how I mentioned Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung earlier?
Well, they both agreed that dreams are messages from the unconscious.
So your purple cow has a completely different message from your unconscious than mine purple cow.
However, I also feel like I should add that messages from the unconscious and the subconscious aren’t – and shouldn’t – be seen as a negative thing.
Even if our dreams are unpleasant, and even if we sometimes decipher them as warning signs or we think of them as a peek into our deepest, darkest fears… reality is, not every message from our unconscious is negative or bad.
Believe it or not, most of the messages we receive from the unconscious are completely neutral and simply point us to our internal conflicts and ways to solve them!
Again, both Freud and Jung agreed that even our darkest dreams, you know, the ones that have you wake up drenched in sweat, usually don’t only point out to the problem… but also point out to the solution as well!
So how do you know if you need to pay extra attention to a dream?
Easy – follow how you feel after waking up!
Vivid, realistic dreams, and dreams that leave you experiencing a deep emotion are usually the dreams you should do something about.
And there’s one simple thing you can do that will help you find more answers: that thing’s called active imagination.
What is active imagination
Active imagination is sort of a mindfulness exercise that allows you to talk to your unconscious.
You can also think of it as creative thinking, as thinking outside the box – or put most simply, as meeting your unconscious halfway!
Before we go on, here’s a fun fact concerning active imagination: believe it or not, active imagination isn’t only used in psychotherapy. Active imagination is a skill that comes in handy in every possible field, especially in science.
It’s basically a form of an exercise where you allow your thoughts to freely move in every possible direction in order to find a solution.
Archimedes and the moment of his eureka! were possible because he used active imagination: he imagined his body being a gourd of water. Einstein also solved more than a few problems with active imagination – he imagined himself as a photon on a horizon of velocities.
So now you’re wondering what that has to do with your dreams.
We’re going to go over how to use the concept of active imagination to find out the meaning behind your dreams, solve internal conflicts, and release hidden emotional baggage holding you back.
You can use active imagination in any form you’d like.
Some people draw images and let the hand move freely. Others engage in a written or spoken conversation with their unconscious. Some create music or paint with oil – I’ve heard stories of people dancing as a way to express their unconscious.
It’s a personal choice really, and you use whatever type of “medium” you’re comfortable with.
The way I do it, I have spoken conversations with my unconscious.
I use my phone to record the conversation as to not get distracted by writing or remembering what’s being said… so basically, yes, I’m talking to myself out loud BUT without restricting myself.
I know it sounds silly but trust me, once you remove yourself from all the mental “boxes” – once you start talking without filtering yourself – and get rid of all the expectations of what you’re supposed to do or say or think… you reveal a side of you that you’ve never known.
I’ve used active imagination not only to find the meaning behind my dreams but also to solve my procrastination and find the reason why certain people trigger way too strong of an emotional reaction in me.
The best part is that this whole concept works AMAZINGLY well on the first try, which is ideal for beginners.
You know how the story usually goes… most people struggle to keep the mind silent as they meditate and can’t seem to reach the state of mindfulness, which I’m going to admit, can be frustrating and make you to give up.
But not with this concept. Active imagination works right off the bat and hits the nail on the head every single time.
Here’s how you can do active imagination – give it a try and let me know if it works for you!
How to use active imagination to talk to your unconscious and interpret your dreams
1. Find someplace quiet – you don’t want any distractions. You can sit or lie down – whatever’s comfortable for you. If you’re writing, have a piece of paper and a pen right next to you.
2. Take a few deep breaths to fully focus. Now, invite your unconscious. I say something like, hey unconscious, this is Bernadette, can we please talk? For me, the answer comes straight away – and 99% of the time, it’s a yes. If you get a no, maybe try to calm down a bit before trying again.
3. Once you’ve opened up the communication channel with your unconscious, recall the dream you want to find the meaning for. You can recall people or places or objects… whatever has been appearing often in your dreams.
4. Talk to your unconscious about it. Ask questions. Let’s take again the purple cow example – you can ask something like, why am I seeing a purple cow? What is she doing there? Why is my grandma petting the purple cow? Why is the cow purple? What does purple mean to me?
5. Then let your unconscious do the talking. You’d be surprised by the answers that pop up! For example, your purple cow can be your creativity trying to come out of you or a strong emotion you’re feeling but struggle to express – I’m just thinking out loud, you have to find out on your own!
6. Repeat for as many questions as necessary and keep going. As soon as you sense that you’re overthinking and filtering your answers, stop and give it another try some other time.
Are you irrational – or is that just your unconscious?
What is the unconscious?
To put most simply, think of the unconscious as our basic operating system.
The fact that we’re not aware of it doesn’t mean that it’s not working.
Actually, a lot of the things you do by default – things that don’t require you to actively think about doing them – are under the direction of your unconscious.
Ah, the lovely, beautiful unconscious.
What’s the first thing that pops to mind when you hear the word unconscious?
I’m going to be honest with you here.
Before doing the deep work and learning how our brains and bodies work together, whenever someone mentioned the word unconscious all I could think about was Freud and his sex theories.
I know – how silly of me!
But in the last 50 or so years, we’ve been trained to associate Freud with the unconscious.
The unconscious got the reputation of being a dark place somewhere deep within our mind, filled with our deepest fears and naughtiest sex fantasies.
To younger Bernadette at the time, the unconscious was all about nasty trauma, wet dreams, and dysfunctional family relationship – a place no one wants to go. Well, at least not voluntarily.
In the last few years, I’ve been reading a lot on the topic.
The more I’ve read, the more I’ve been finding proof that the unconscious isn’t as malicious a place as believed by many.
And believe it or not, the unconscious is much more than trauma and kinky stuff.
Basically, our unconscious is our most basic operating system.
My name’s Bernadette and join me here as we dive deep – pun intended – into the world of the unconscious.
What is the unconscious?
To put most simply, think of the unconscious as our basic operating system.
The fact that we’re not aware of it doesn’t mean that it’s not working.
Actually, a lot of the things you do by default – things that don’t require you to actively think about doing them – are under the direction of your unconscious.
For example, you know how you never forget riding a bike? Even if you hadn’t used a bike in years, I can guarantee you that the minute you climb and start turning the pedals, it’s going to feel as if you’ve never stopped!
Or take another example – the way we drive.
We sit in the car, turn the ignition on and then just drive.
Yes, we’re focused on the driving but we don’t think about the act of driving per se – it comes naturally to stay in the right lane, turn the wheel, and step on the brake.
All of that is ingrained into our memory and into our unconscious. In fact, it’s ingrained so well that our bodies just follow along.
BUT imagine you’re flying off to England tomorrow. You’re getting a rental there. Would the driving be as smooth?
Well, probably not.
The problem is, they’re driving on the LEFT and you’d probably have to drive a stick – not an automatic car.
Since that’s not something you do normally, it’s going to take a bit more additional conscious effort to drive in England.
This was a simple example just to help you understand that the unconscious isn’t dark or scary.
Think of it almost as an algorithm.
We’re feeding data into it – the unconscious is taking memos on everything that happens to us in daily life, draws conclusions based on what happened and then decides on the best action to take.
“But I feel like I’ve known him my whole life”
You know how sometimes you feel like you’ve known someone your whole life – even if you just met them?
Well, that’s your unconscious at play.
A while ago my friend calls me and she goes – Bernadette, I’ve met the love of my life! I’ve known from the minute I saw him – that’s him! I’ve been looking for him everywhere!
She met a guy and was obsessed with him, from the very first minute.
Unfortunately, as magical as the story sounds, that didn’t end well and now I’m going to tell you why.
Put apart here the love hormones or the excitement of the honeymoon phase… that’s an integral part of every relationship.
The real mystery here is – why did she feel like she’s known him her whole life?
Well, the reason why she so quickly attached to a complete stranger is the unconscious.
Or in a lack of better words, you can blame the unconscious for the love at first sight!
The thing is, she never actually knew them.
Her unconscious recognized something familiar in him.
It could be the way the held the fork – and that reminded her of her grandpa, whom she deeply loved.
It could be the way the guy looked at her, the same way her mom did.
Something him – and it could be anything – his body language, cues, words, is familiar to your unconscious, which then feels familiar to you too.
The unconscious prefers the familiar.
To your unconscious, familiar is good.
Familiar is predictable and safe.
But unfortunately, that’s not how it always works out in real life – which is why we feel that love at first sight failed us.
On the other hand, I’ve had a college friend who felt completely uncomfortable around men with beards.
It’s ridiculous when you first hear it but whenever she saw someone with a beard, her heart would start racing and she’d start sweating.
She had no clue why this happened and it goes without saying, it made her daily life complicated. I still remember when she was job interviewing and missed on a couple of great opportunities just because the HR guy had a beard!
After working with a therapist, she was able to dig deep and worked her way through a traumatic memory from her childhood.
When she was little, a man with a beard stole her mom’s purse and ran away. Luckily, no one got hurt and everyone was fine – so fine that my friend had literally forgotten all about this event.
However, her unconscious didn’t!!
Why your behavior is not irrational?
All of that proves you’re not being irrational or silly – you’re just performing under the guidance of your unconscious.
A similar pattern of behaving happens any time your unconscious thinks you’re in danger. Based on what it’s learned from your experience, and particularly on what it has learned from any traumatic experiences, it quickly takes defense.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had a panic attack in the past just because I couldn’t reach someone I loved.
The same thing happened with my mom and with my ex-boyfriends and with my friends.
I immediately imagined the worst once they wouldn’t pick up and instead of being relieved when they finally did, I’d throw a tantrum. I was furious – how dare they NOT pick up right away when I worried about them!
Later, I realized that’s just my unconscious trying to protect me from being hurt. All of that was a result of my abandonment issues. Because it’s easier to be mad than to get hurt, right?
Not a single emotion in the mix was a conscious decision of mine.
It took a lot of work, a lot of unpacking and tears, to be able to overcome… to choose to overcome this problem.
What to do?
If you recognize yourself in this podcast, I first want to tell you that there’s nothing wrong with you.
Everything’s fine – and you’re fine.
You’re not irrational or crazy or mad.
It’s just that you were hurt in the past and that messed up the algorithm in your head. Remember how we said that the unconscious is like an algorithm – it constantly learns and improved based on the experiences you feed it.
I know it’s stupid to say this… like wow, thanks Captain Obvious! Buuuut… do try to consciously feed your unconscious positive things.
You know, gratitude, being present in the moment, things like that.
It won’t solve everything but it’s going to help you relax and reduce the survival response when you’re not in a life-or-death situation.
If you can’t find the positive about a situation from the past, then think about all the lessons you’ve learned. If there’s literally nothing you’ve learned, then remind yourself that you wouldn’t be the person you are today if that hasn’t happened.
I understand it’s tempting to keep asking why me or why has this happened to me but believe me, that’s the best way to stay stuck in the past or keep going around in circles forever.
Another thing that has helped me massively is just being aware of where the problem is. I may not be able to always predict the way I’m going to respond to something but I’m pretty good at telling whether there’s a real reason to get upset or my brain’s playing tricks on me.
For example, if I’m trying to reach someone and they don’t answer, I tell myself, in a nice way, that they’re probably fine – they’re maybe busy or in the bathroom or eating lunch or something.
I also try to predict future obstacles, so if I know that I want to talk to someone this week, I’ll schedule phone calls beforehand, which massively reduces my anxiety!
Did you learn something new? Tag me on @bernadetteballa on Instagram and let me know your thoughts. And find me on YouTube to watch videos about this.
