Bernadette Balla's Blog, page 2
March 20, 2021
What is the shortcut to life?
I have tracked down that the best alternate route to get what you want is to follow your intuition.
There's a voice that is more evolved, otherworldly, and natural.
It's your intuition.
Everyone is intuitive, but not everyone is used to developing their intuition and it is such a gentle voice that it can not get stronger if you do not allow yourself enough courage or time.
It's a voice that has to be honed over time.
Is it always the case that logic is correct?For some reason, we expect more from on intuition than logic.Consider whether your logic has ever been proven to be incorrect.
The majority of people would agree that their logic isn't always correct.
But, despite our lack of experience with intuition, we expect it to be flawless.
As a result, you must always practice making intuitive decisions to make it stronger.
How can I tell if I have genuine intuition?
Visual visualization, as well as any unconscious feeling in your body—with your ear, nose, gut, heart, are all examples of intuition.
Since Western predominantly rely on left brain abilities, most of them have no experience in recognizing any of these.
I wrote all about how to recognize these feelings in my book intuition is your superpower. It’s on amazon for only 9.99 so if you want more in depth information with graphics about how to experience intuition is your body, definitely check out my book!
https://www.amazon.com/Intuition-Your...
What do I do if my intuition provides me with inconsistent information? If your intuition is sending you contradictory information, the only thing you can do is do nothing. You can afford to wait for clarity.
The universe is linked to your subconscious mind. It's the link that connects you, as a conscious human being, to the rest of the universe. All of your deepest desires are stored in your subconscious mind. It's all in your head; it's all in your habits.You have the option of having your subconscious mind work for you or against you, but you are ultimately in charge.
Because this inspiration feeling voice also knows the truth, it is directly tapped in and connected to the truth, which is why following it allows you to take the life shortcut.
Because you're on this shorter path - the path of least resistance - you get to make the fewest mistakes possible; you get everything you need to accomplish whatever it is you want, because you're on the path of least resistance.
Why is intuition too difficult to predict?
Since intuition tends to be so unpredictable, people often ask whether it is really right.
Why does intuition seem to be so unreliable?
When he wrote the Yoga Sutras about 200 B.C., Patajali, an Indian physician turned sage, proposed one potential solution.
The novel, which was developed to help people improve their mental and physical skills, among other things, says this.
Patanjali described four ways to recognize something: (a) its physical presence, (b) your experiences with it, (c) the meaning it has for you and (d) its spirit or essence.
The way you know influences how you feel about intuition.
If the key modes of knowing are focused on (a) the physical or material universe and (b) your interactions with it, intuition is a rare visitor in your life.
Yo, have any of you ever hung out with someone who, on paper, appears to be a very great, truthful, and trustworthy guy, but you just can't shake the feeling that something isn't quite right? "I just don't trust this person for some reason. I don't want to tell them all of my secrets for some reason. I'm trying to avoid getting too close to them.
Then, a week or two later, you learn that they have a secret, or that they have betrayed your faith, or that they are not true to you, or that they are dishonest, and so on. Although the truth will inevitably come out, you will avoid a traumatic experience by following your gut instinct. As a consequence, following your intuition will save you a lot of time and effort.
So, when you're making a decision, pay attention to how you're feeling.
So, if you're feeling a sense of discomfort and something is hanging heavily on your heart, and it feels like the whole world is on your back, and you're lying down, very sluggish, and a little blurry, this is what I'm talking about.
Normally, this is a warning that something isn't right.
It's such an important tool, and all I want to do is encourage you to use it so everybody has it.
Everyone has intuition that they can work through; that they can operate from; that they can use as a compass to point them in the direction of what makes them happy, what makes them feel more satisfied, and so on.
Are you convinced that your intuition doesn’t work? It’s time to change that. Positive, present-day affirmations are the best way to reprogram your subconscious. In this case, you want your subconscious to be reprogrammed into trusting your gut – and allowing you to hear what it has to say.
No need for any special preparation. Just sit down, relax, and close your eyes. Pick an affirmation and slowly repeat it. Resonate with it.
Here’s a list of positive affirmations you can try:
· I trust my intuition and I trust myself.
· I let my intuition guide me every day of my life.
· I am intuitive.
· My gut knows what’s best for me.
· I hear what my gut is trying to tell me effortlessly.
· My gut speaks to me in my dreams.
Listening and acknowledging your intuition can be very healing to the relationship you have with yourself. When we deny truths that we already know, it causes us to live an unsatisfying life. We know we deserve better yet we are unable to forge ahead. We deny our intuition’s push to change how things are because it is hard and uncomfortable and we invested a lot of time in it. Intuition doesn’t care about all that. It cares on healing the body, healing your core self.
Most people are scared of trusting their intuition.
If you follow your intuition and things don't turn out, it's terrifying.
Have you ever thought that pursuing your intuition would lead to a greater quality of life in the long run?
What's the worse case scenario?
Is it easier to be scared or regretful?
Fear is transient, but remorse is not.
Regret is something that will last a lifetime.
Why aren't we treating intuition the same way we treat communication in a relationship, where being able to communicate with your partner is crucial?
Get to know your intuition and fall in love with it. When you come to understand your intuition, you establish a feeling of protection and self-identity that is not based on external influences. Whatever it takes to break you, a broken engagement, death, or the loss of employment, you retain your sense of self-identity because you understand that, despite the stress, we are more than our jobs and how others perceive us.
Instead of ruminating and worrying, we should spend time understanding our intuition.
We suppress our intuition when we suppress our emotional expression.
If someone's brain is too left hemisphere oriented, intuition is harder to come by. Intelligence is more outwardly oriented, whereas intuition is more inwardly oriented.
Women have far more nerve fibers called corpus callosum that connect both hemispheres of the brain than men, which is why they are said to be more intuitive.
Women, in comparison to men, see the bigger picture of things.
We overlook our intuition, which is housed in the right hemisphere of the brain, along with our emotions.
The right brain is responsible for fear, anxiety, and pain.
Most people suppress their emotions because they don't want to feel them. This has an impact on our intuitive abilities. The right brain embraces the complication of life.
Psychic abilities such as clairvoyant, clairaudient are intuitive abilities. Your passions, as well as the people and things you care about, provide a foundation for intuition.
Scientists have intuition when it comes to science; artists have intuition when it comes to music; parents have intuition when it comes to children; and health professionals have intuition when it comes to health.
According to research, people with greater knowledge and faith in their field of expertise—their area of commitment and, in most cases, their area of passion—are most likely to use intuition.
So that is where you can start. Alright everyone, intuition is your superpower is my book on Amazon. Tag me if you’re listening, reading my podcast or my book and I’ll share on my social media too. Everything you learn today has way more information and more specific so check it out. If you have kindle unlimited or an audible subscription you can listen to it for free. Alright, cool topic today huh, thanks for spending your time with me and i will see you next time and remember intuition is your superpower!
March 17, 2021
[ 2021 ] Narcissists are exhausting!
Look, I’m going to be real with you here.
It may sound harsh but… safe yourself the headache. And the heartache.
It’s going to be tempting to try - and yes, you’ll think that you’re “different” and that you can change them - but….. It usually doesn’t work like that.
During the underlying phases of the relationship the narcissist will love you, putting the world at your feet. They will call and text you regularly, sharing transparently the amount they respect you, how stricken they are by you, how crucial and extraordinary you are to them. They will compliment you and need to associate with you consistently. This strategy is classified "lovebombing" and its point is to suck you into a hazardous condition of passionate reliance on their consistent acclaim, consideration and approval.
Furthermore, when they are certain that you have effectively fallen completely devoted to them, damnation will break lose. For you. You will feel horrendous without having the option to very clarify why, you will feel regretful, off-base, self centered and so forth. Furthermore, you will battle for a greater amount of the old scrumptious commendation and care they used to give you. You will end up saying 'sorry' for what you have done and what you are. You will be fixated on the memory of how extraordinary things used to be among you and you will be prepared to do nearly anything to get back there.
You can’t help narcissists simply because most of them don’t want to change. They don’t think there’s anything wrong with them in the first place and they don't think it affects their mental health.
What you ought to understand is that narcissism isn't merely a minor lack of empathy that can be excused by a desire for achievement. The reality is that narcissism is a major personality trait that can have a negative impact on any relationship.
1. Downgrading After Worship
After the glorification stage is finished – which for the most part happens suddenly, with no signs – you will be pushed off your platform. The narcissist will out of the blue (and mysteriously) become cold and removed. It is then that they will begin reprimanding you. They will contrast you with others – consistently to your inconvenience.
At the point when you attempt to converse with them they will give you the quiet treatment and ensure you realize how seriously disillusioned they are with you. You will at that point come to trust you are to blame and you will make endeavors to merit their previous pleasantness again – to push the relationship back to the special night stage.
Your longing to win them back will prompt the narcissist calling you penniless, desirous and choking. Sporadically, the narcissist will wash you in the caring conduct they exhibited in the start of the relationship. And afterward they will return to delaying, lack of engagement and irregularity. Causing you to feel altogether insignificant after you "meant everything to them".
2.Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a manipulative technique employed by the narcissist to make you lose track of how they are causing you pain. Basically, every time you rebel against their accusations, they will make you feel even more inadequate – for bringing up the subject, being crazy, stressing them out, generally pushing them away, and provoking their anger.
The narcissist will convince you that is not them, it’s you. They will explain to you how emotionally unstable you are, how your issues are being projected onto them. The regular phrases they will use are:
“I never knew you were that sensitive”
“I never said that”
“You make it sound like it’s my fault”
“You always take things so personally”
“I can’t take this anymore”
Gaslighting makes you believe you are the one that endangers the relationship with your claims, questions, and neediness. You will somehow always seem to be the one that has to behave better and understand them more. So, even when the relationship becomes really toxic, you will try to stay and fix it – because you will think it’s your responsibility to make amends for your “wrongdoings”.
You realize the amount it harms when someone says another person is such a ton better than you in various stuff. Indeed, that is what is the issue here – causing an individual to accept they're less important or achieved, or appealing than another person.
The individual who the narcissist will contrast you with can be anyone – a companion, a shared colleague, a parent, an escort, even a total outsider. By and by, regularly they will contrast you with somebody of your own sexual orientation ensuring you feel embarrassment and trouble as well as desire.
For the narcissist it is vital to keep you re-thinking their fondness for you. This is on the grounds that their control works best when they cause you to rival an outsider for their consideration and endorsement. You will feel unreliable and lacking, apprehensive that they're losing revenue in you, and you will urgently attempt to adhere to your most desirable characteristics request to tempt the narcissist back into adoring you (and just you!) more.
How to save yourself?
Straightforward yet excruciating. Leave.
You won't ever have the option to beat the narcissist unexpectedly as you stay in the relationship sitting tight for them to change their conduct. Their savagery will in the end transform into delicacy and care. You can't and won't adore them enough to fix them or fix them. They won't return the affection eventually. As agonizing as that may sound, it is your lone pass to a genuinely solid life. Leave the relationship and don't think back in any event, when they attempt to win you back with tears, guarantees, lament, re-touched off energy or whatever manipulative stunt they may make appear out of nowhere.
So, what is narcissism? Here are some narcissistic traits of a narcissist.
They think they’re much better than others. They feel entitled to things. They expect you to always conform to their wishes and desires.
And if you don’t, they’re not afraid to manipulate you into feeling and doing EXACTLY what they want from you.
You know, narcissists are so. much. more. than people obsessed with themselves.
It’s so hard to define them actually.
First of all, they’re NOT madly in love with themselves. They don’t spend days in front of the mirror. They don’t want to be the center of attention because they enjoy it.
Actually, all of that behavior is just a mask to hide on what’s really going on the inside.
The reason why they appear so full of themselves is because they are, in fact, VERY much empty.
Not empty of emotion – empty of self-love and self-worth.
The truth is, they DO have emotions and emotional needs that need to be met (just like regular people) but they don’t have the skills – or the emotional maturity – to communicate what they expect from the other person.
Because after all, having our emotional needs met and meeting the emotional needs of another person is what emotional maturity is all about – that’s how you make friends!
Building relationships with narcissists is impossible. Narcissistic tendencies, since they lack empathy, they can’t form a real emotional connection to any other person…. Let alone offer something in return. (they can manipulate you into thinking they do, though). Their narcisistic tendercies is to avoid therapy.
What they feel strongly about is primal emotions – think fear and anger the most.
That’s why they’re known to behave so… so off-putting and aggressive.
They’re scared.
Deep down, most narcissists are drowning in their own insecurities, hence the need to put on a show for the rest of the world. They have a massive void and try to compensate for that void by CONSTANTLY asking for the admiration and attention of others.
I could go on and on talking about this.
What I’ve said so far is what I’ve noticed from my experience – the truth is, there can always be some differences from one narcissist to another. No two narcissists are the same!
Another thing to point out is that we can all sometimes be a bit narcissistic but that doesn’t mean we have a narcissistic personality disorder.
That’s why I think it’d be helpful if I gave you some pointers on how to tell if you’re dealing with a narcissist and what can you do to keep your sanity!
How to tell if someone’s a narcissist
Narcissists are everywhere around us but it’s often very hard to spot a narcissist when you first meet them.
The reason is, they can appear as a crowd’s favorite. They can be extremely charismatic and charming and people-pleasing, just to get you to like them.
Also, they may seem easy-going at first but once you meet them…. You’ll realize they are anything but!
Just to be sure, I looked this up and here are the MAJOR red flags to tell if someone’s a narcissist. If someone has one or two of these, it’s fine – but if someone you know has MOST of the signs on the list, you better watch out!
· They talk a LOT – and you don’t get to say anything!
Building relationships with someone requires conversations. And conversations are done by TWO people taking turns talking!
Narcissists love doing a lot of talking but prefer to do ZERO listening, just because they pretty much don’t care about what you have to say. Even if you do get a chance to talk, the conversation will redirect back to them in NO TIME.
If you’re talking with a narcissist, expect to be interrupted at least a dozen times and leave that conversation feeling emotionally drained!
Observe – how do you feel when interacting with someone? If they don’t make you feel good during a simple conversation, how do you expect them to be a good friend or partner?
· They don’t care about you
Narcissists can’t identify with other people because they lack both empathy and compassion.
I’ve once read a report from a therapist specializing in treating patients with NPD (Narcissist Personality Disorder) who claims that one-third of her patients can develop SOME empathy very slowly, under the condition that they put in the hard work…
I will NEVER again be in a relationship with a person who can’t relate to me and what I’m going through because that person will make you feel miserable at times you need them the most.
· They try very hard to impress you
Narcissists excel at bragging.
Trust me, the less reasons they have to brag about, the MORE they’ll keep on bragging. That’s how they compensate for the lack of self-confidence – that’s how they do an ego boost!
Most of that is fluff.
· They ask for special treatment
Hey, so I know we can all be special snowflakes for some things… like, we all enjoy getting special treatment but narcissists are next level.
They don’t only ask for special treatment – they DEMAND for constant, never-ending streams of attention and flattery and are known to get seriously upset if they’re not treated like royalty 24/7.
To see if your new friend or partner is guilty of this, just observe how they treat others around them. Do they get impatient or downright evil if they don’t get the special treatment they think they deserve?
If the answer’s yes, then that may be a HUGE red flag!
· They are quick to snap if things don’t go the way they want
Narcissists are known to be unable to handle rejection or failure or anything that indicates things aren’t going the way they want or expect.
It’s like watching a grown up toddler throw a tantrum for a menial reason.
On top of that, even if you suggest ways of handling the disappointment, they never ever want to take responsibility for their own life… and would rather point fingers to others..
Life doesn’t always turn the way we want and being able to cope with that fact is one of the keys to being happy, content and at peace with yourself.
My first contact with a narcissist wasn’t in a romantic relationship, though later on, I unwillingly or better said, UNKNOWINGLY, ended up in one.
Way back in college, a friend invited us for a long weekend to visit her dad. Her parents were divorced but her dad had a boat house at a nearby lake, and according to her, we were welcome there.
As any other college group of girls, we were thrilled to be going away from campus and onto an adventure. I mean, spend the long weekend at A BOAT HOUSE? As an immigrant child, I’d never before even dared to think about a boat house, let alone STAY in one.
What my friend didn’t tell – looking back now, she probably didn’t know it either, she just said her dad can be a bit “demanding” at times – was that her dad was the biggest narcissist I have ever met!
Put most simply, her dad was a jerk – funny, charismatic, successful……. but a jerk nonetheless.
I know, I know, the j-word is probably harsh but before you judge me, trust me, I’ve never seen anything like it before. Honestly, I even doubt I’ll even see something like it again.
He LOVED – L O V E D – being the center of attention.
He wouldn’t stop talking about himself. He thrived talking about his job and how important his role is. (the guy had a senior position at a well-known bank)
He made EVERYTHING about him – even if we said something like, the weather’s nice, he’d go on and add something like, OF COURSE IT’S NICE, I wouldn’t choose this place if it hadn’t had a nice weather! Like dude, you can’t control the weather!
At first, it was fun.
To a bunch of college girls, he was really impressive. He told the best jokes. He took us for a boat ride. He gave us booze. He was like a tour guide!
Soon, it became exhausting.
That guy wouldn’t shut up!
He felt the need to be the star of a show he wasn’t even invited to – after all, it was a girls’ weekend getaway!
Any time we’d try to steer the conversation away from him, he’d become extremely upset. He’d start tapping with his leg or walk away. Once, when he came back, he (very rudely!) interrupted a very short-lived conversation asking whether we are “done talking ONLY about our own lives”.
Once we stared in disbelief at him, he continued talking about his job and his boat YET AGAIN!
But the major red flag was that he continued talking cheerfully, AS IF NOTHING’D HAPPENED A MINUTE AGO! Like, where did all that anger vanish into? It was like a switch went on and off and you NEVER knew what was gonna happen the next minute!
And then came what I call his “tantrums”.
You know how a toddler can get upset for the most various of reasons – something along the lines of, he can’t reach to the sun and the next minute, he’s in tears?
Well, the same happened with this guy.
One of the girls was pouring us some drinks and spilled some on the table. She didn’t even spill the whole drink, just a few drops.
OH. MY. GOD – the guy lost it! He went batshit crazy on the SPOT. He started yelling, saying how disrespectful we are towards him and ruining his property, yada yada yada…
I couldn’t believe what I hear!
That weekend couldn’t finish fast enough and there were at least a dozen other tantrums! Even if there was a tiny teeny inconvenience, he’d flip!
Apart from the spilled drink, reasons for his meltdown included one of the girls asking if we could move the table under the shade – WHY DID WE COME IF WE DIDN’T LIKE STAYING OUT ON THE SUN? – one of the girls supposedly giving him a “funny look” and his own daughter not knowing how to make mashed potatoes right because she’s “just that stupid”.
Yup…….
What is narcissism?
I know the story I told you now is a bit extreme.
I’ve never again had the “pleasure” of meeting someone that extreme but other narcissists can be very, very exhausting.
They think they’re much better than others. They feel entitled to things. They expect you to always conform to their wishes and desires.
And if you don’t, they’re not afraid to manipulate you into feeling and doing EXACTLY what they want from you.
You know, narcissists are so. much. more. than people obsessed with themselves.
It’s so hard to define them actually.
First of all, they’re NOT madly in love with themselves. They don’t spend days in front of the mirror. They don’t want to be the center of attention because they enjoy it.
Actually, all of that behavior is just a mask to hide on what’s really going on the inside.
The reason why they appear so full of themselves is because they are, in fact, VERY much empty.
Not empty of emotion – empty of self-love and self-worth.
Now that I think about it, it’s pretty common to think that narcissist are sociopaths that don’t have any emotion.
The truth is, they DO have emotions and emotional needs that need to be met (just like regular people) but they don’t have the skills – or the emotional maturity – to communicate what they expect out of the other person.
Because after all, having our emotional needs met and meeting the emotional needs of another person is what emotional maturity is all about – that’s how you make friends!
Building relationships with narcissists is downright impossible. Since they lack empathy, they can’t form a real emotional connection to any other person…. Let alone offer something in return. (they can manipulate you into thinking they do, though)
What they do feel strongly is primal emotions – think fear and anger the most.
That’s why they’re know to behave so… so off-putting and aggressive.
They’re scared.
Deep down, most narcissists are drowning in their own insecurities, hence the need to put on a show for the rest of the world. They have a massive void and try to compensate for that void by CONSTANTLY asking for the admiration and attention of others.
I could go on and on talking about this.
What I’ve said so far is what I’ve noticed from my experience – the truth is, there can always be some differences from one narcissist to another. No two narcissists are the same!
Another thing to point out is that we can all sometimes be a bit narcissistic but that doesn’t make us narcissists.
That’s why I think it’d be helpful if I gave you some pointers on how to tell if you’re dealing with a narcissist and what can you do to keep your sanity!
WORD OF ADVICE:
There’s a difference between the Narcissistic Personality Disorder and narcissism as a trait.
How to tell if someone’s a narcissist
Narcissists are everyone around us but it’s often very hard to spot a narcissist when you first meet them.
The reason is, they can appear as a crowd’s favorite. They can be extremely charismatic and charming and people-pleasing, just to get you to like them.
Also, they may seem easy-going at first but once you meet them…. You’ll realize they are anything but!
Just to be sure, I looked this up and here are the MAJOR red flags to tell if someone’s a narcissist. If someone has one or two of these, it’s fine – but if someone you know has MOST of the signs on the list, you better watch out!
· They talk a LOT – and you don’t get to say anything!
Building relationships with someone requires conversations. And conversations are done by TWO people taking turns talking!
Narcissists love doing a lot of talking but prefer to do ZERO listening, just because they pretty much don’t care about what you have to say. Even if you do get a chance to talk, the conversation will redirect back to them in NO TIME.
If you’re talking with a narcissist, expect to be interrupted at least a dozen times and leave that conversation feeling emotionally drained!
Observe – how do you feel when interacting with someone? If they don’t make you feel good during a simple conversation, how do you expect them to be a good friend or partner?
· They don’t care about you
Narcissists can’t identify with other people because they lack both empathy and compassion.
I’ve once read a report from a therapist specializing in treating patients with NPD (Narcissist Personality Disorder) who claims that one-third of her patients can develop SOME empathy very slowly, under the condition that they put in the hard work…
But in my experience, waiting for someone to develop empathy is time lost, and EMPATHY is now one of the traits that are must-have in my partner.
While I can’t reveal much more, I’m only going to add that I will NEVER again be in a relationship with a person who can’t relate to me and what I’m going through because that person will make you feel miserable at times when you need them the most.
· They try very hard to impress you
Narcissists excel at bragging.
There’s nothing more exhausting than ending up seated next to a narcissist at a dinner party… oh boy, I once remember a girl that honestly, left me exhausted by the time I went home.
Trust me, the less reasons they have to brag about, the MORE they’ll keep on bragging. That’s how they compensate for the lack of self-confidence – that’s how they do an ego boost!
Most of that is fluff.
Narcissists tend to portray minor achievements (or should I say, under-achievements) as a huge success just to impress others. Remember, a person who has a lot to brag about stays humble 9 out of 10 times.
· They ask for special treatment
Hey, so I know we can all be special snowflakes for some things… like, we all enjoy getting special treatment but narcissists are next level.
They don’t only ask for special treatment – they DEMAND for constant, never-ending stream of attention and flattery and are known to get seriously upset if they’re not treated like royalty 24/7.
I’ve noticed this is especially true in times when they’re paying for a product or service – think dining out or going on a vacation or even waiting at the dentist. They’ll make a scene the minute they feel like they’re not the center of attention.
Those are the type of people that make a scene at a restaurant if the “ice cream is too cold” or have a meltdown at the dentist if they have to wait a few minutes longer.
To see if your new friend or partner is guilty of this, just observe how they treat others around them. Do they get impatient or downright evil if they don’t get the special treatment they think they deserve?
If the answer’s yes, then that may be a HUGE red flag!
· They are quick to snap if things don’t go the way they want
Narcissists are known to be unable to handle rejection or failure or anything of that matter that indicates things aren’t going the way they want or expect.
And what’s even worse, not only are behaving extremely irrational when things take a down turn (because hey, you can’t control life), they take it out on those around them.
It’s like watching a grown up toddler throw a tantrum for a menial reason.
On top of that, even if you suggest ways of handling the disappointment, they never ever want to take responsibility for their own life… and would rather point fingers to others.
If you have a narcissist in your life, I’m sorry but expect to be guilty for whatever’s happening in their life 9 out of 10 times. Someone else (the cashier at Walmart, the Uber driver) will take the fault the 10th time but never the narcissist.
Life doesn’t always turn the way we want and being able to cope with that fact is one of the keys to being happy, content and at peace with yourself.
Can you - and should you - try to change narcissists?
Look, I’m going to be real with you here.
It may sound harsh but… safe yourself the headache. And the heartache.
It’s going to be tempting to try - and yes, you’ll think that you’re “different” and that you can change them - but….. It usually doesn’t work like that.
You can’t help narcissists simply because most of them don’t want to be helped. They don’t think there’s anything wrong with them in the first place.
Even if you bring them to your therapist's office and make them go there… two thirds of narcissists willing to work with someone give up after a few sessions only.
True, they are people just like the rest of us and we should try to understand them and help them as much as possible (without eroding our own personal boundaries) but building genuine connections with narcissists is downright impossible.
In my humble experience, the only way they can be helped is if they agree to work with a therapist and at the same time, work on developing their empathy. There’s no other way.
I know this is too big of a topic so I’m going to slowly wrap things up now but I’d love to hear your opinion and your experience with narcissists.
Have you ever had to deal with a narcissist? Be in a relationship with a narcissist? Have someone in your family that’s a narcissist?
I’d love to hear your stories and your experience, let’s talk more about this topic and help each other!
Resources
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/narcissism
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/toxic-relationships/201812/how-spot-narcissist
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/compassion-matters/201411/are-you-narcissist-infographic
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-narcissist-in-your-life/201910/is-narcissism-treatable
Narcissists are exhausting
Look, I’m going to be real with you here.
It may sound harsh but… safe yourself the headache. And the heartache.
It’s going to be tempting to try - and yes, you’ll think that you’re “different” and that you can change them - but….. It usually doesn’t work like that.
During the underlying phases of the relationship the narcissist will love you, putting the world at your feet. They will call and text you regularly, sharing transparently the amount they respect you, how stricken they are by you, how crucial and extraordinary you are to them. They will compliment you and need to associate with you consistently. This strategy is classified "lovebombing" and its point is to suck you into a hazardous condition of passionate reliance on their consistent acclaim, consideration and approval.
Furthermore, when they are certain that you have effectively fallen completely devoted to them, damnation will break lose. For you. You will feel horrendous without having the option to very clarify why, you will feel regretful, off-base, self centered and so forth. Furthermore, you will battle for a greater amount of the old scrumptious commendation and care they used to give you. You will end up saying 'sorry' for what you have done and what you are. You will be fixated on the memory of how extraordinary things used to be among you and you will be prepared to do nearly anything to get back there.
You can’t help narcissists simply because most of them don’t want to change. They don’t think there’s anything wrong with them in the first place and they don't think it affects their mental health.
What you ought to understand is that narcissism isn't merely a minor lack of empathy that can be excused by a desire for achievement. The reality is that narcissism is a major personality trait that can have a negative impact on any relationship.
1. Downgrading After Worship
After the glorification stage is finished – which for the most part happens suddenly, with no signs – you will be pushed off your platform. The narcissist will out of the blue (and mysteriously) become cold and removed. It is then that they will begin reprimanding you. They will contrast you with others – consistently to your inconvenience.
At the point when you attempt to converse with them they will give you the quiet treatment and ensure you realize how seriously disillusioned they are with you. You will at that point come to trust you are to blame and you will make endeavors to merit their previous pleasantness again – to push the relationship back to the special night stage.
Your longing to win them back will prompt the narcissist calling you penniless, desirous and choking. Sporadically, the narcissist will wash you in the caring conduct they exhibited in the start of the relationship. And afterward they will return to delaying, lack of engagement and irregularity. Causing you to feel altogether insignificant after you "meant everything to them".
2.Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a manipulative technique employed by the narcissist to make you lose track of how they are causing you pain. Basically, every time you rebel against their accusations, they will make you feel even more inadequate – for bringing up the subject, being crazy, stressing them out, generally pushing them away, and provoking their anger.
The narcissist will convince you that is not them, it’s you. They will explain to you how emotionally unstable you are, how your issues are being projected onto them. The regular phrases they will use are:
“I never knew you were that sensitive”
“I never said that”
“You make it sound like it’s my fault”
“You always take things so personally”
“I can’t take this anymore”
Gaslighting makes you believe you are the one that endangers the relationship with your claims, questions, and neediness. You will somehow always seem to be the one that has to behave better and understand them more. So, even when the relationship becomes really toxic, you will try to stay and fix it – because you will think it’s your responsibility to make amends for your “wrongdoings”.
You realize the amount it harms when someone says another person is such a ton better than you in various stuff. Indeed, that is what is the issue here – causing an individual to accept they're less important or achieved, or appealing than another person.
The individual who the narcissist will contrast you with can be anyone – a companion, a shared colleague, a parent, an escort, even a total outsider. By and by, regularly they will contrast you with somebody of your own sexual orientation ensuring you feel embarrassment and trouble as well as desire.
For the narcissist it is vital to keep you re-thinking their fondness for you. This is on the grounds that their control works best when they cause you to rival an outsider for their consideration and endorsement. You will feel unreliable and lacking, apprehensive that they're losing revenue in you, and you will urgently attempt to adhere to your most desirable characteristics request to tempt the narcissist back into adoring you (and just you!) more.
How to save yourself?
Straightforward yet excruciating. Leave.
You won't ever have the option to beat the narcissist unexpectedly as you stay in the relationship sitting tight for them to change their conduct. Their savagery will in the end transform into delicacy and care. You can't and won't adore them enough to fix them or fix them. They won't return the affection eventually. As agonizing as that may sound, it is your lone pass to a genuinely solid life. Leave the relationship and don't think back in any event, when they attempt to win you back with tears, guarantees, lament, re-touched off energy or whatever manipulative stunt they may make appear out of nowhere.
So, what is narcissism? Here are some narcissistic traits of a narcissist.
They think they’re much better than others. They feel entitled to things. They expect you to always conform to their wishes and desires.
And if you don’t, they’re not afraid to manipulate you into feeling and doing EXACTLY what they want from you.
You know, narcissists are so. much. more. than people obsessed with themselves.
It’s so hard to define them actually.
First of all, they’re NOT madly in love with themselves. They don’t spend days in front of the mirror. They don’t want to be the center of attention because they enjoy it.
Actually, all of that behavior is just a mask to hide on what’s really going on the inside.
The reason why they appear so full of themselves is because they are, in fact, VERY much empty.
Not empty of emotion – empty of self-love and self-worth.
The truth is, they DO have emotions and emotional needs that need to be met (just like regular people) but they don’t have the skills – or the emotional maturity – to communicate what they expect from the other person.
Because after all, having our emotional needs met and meeting the emotional needs of another person is what emotional maturity is all about – that’s how you make friends!
Building relationships with narcissists is impossible. Narcissistic tendencies, since they lack empathy, they can’t form a real emotional connection to any other person…. Let alone offer something in return. (they can manipulate you into thinking they do, though). Their narcisistic tendercies is to avoid therapy.
What they feel strongly about is primal emotions – think fear and anger the most.
That’s why they’re known to behave so… so off-putting and aggressive.
They’re scared.
Deep down, most narcissists are drowning in their own insecurities, hence the need to put on a show for the rest of the world. They have a massive void and try to compensate for that void by CONSTANTLY asking for the admiration and attention of others.
I could go on and on talking about this.
What I’ve said so far is what I’ve noticed from my experience – the truth is, there can always be some differences from one narcissist to another. No two narcissists are the same!
Another thing to point out is that we can all sometimes be a bit narcissistic but that doesn’t mean we have a narcissistic personality disorder.
That’s why I think it’d be helpful if I gave you some pointers on how to tell if you’re dealing with a narcissist and what can you do to keep your sanity!
How to tell if someone’s a narcissist
Narcissists are everywhere around us but it’s often very hard to spot a narcissist when you first meet them.
The reason is, they can appear as a crowd’s favorite. They can be extremely charismatic and charming and people-pleasing, just to get you to like them.
Also, they may seem easy-going at first but once you meet them…. You’ll realize they are anything but!
Just to be sure, I looked this up and here are the MAJOR red flags to tell if someone’s a narcissist. If someone has one or two of these, it’s fine – but if someone you know has MOST of the signs on the list, you better watch out!
· They talk a LOT – and you don’t get to say anything!
Building relationships with someone requires conversations. And conversations are done by TWO people taking turns talking!
Narcissists love doing a lot of talking but prefer to do ZERO listening, just because they pretty much don’t care about what you have to say. Even if you do get a chance to talk, the conversation will redirect back to them in NO TIME.
If you’re talking with a narcissist, expect to be interrupted at least a dozen times and leave that conversation feeling emotionally drained!
Observe – how do you feel when interacting with someone? If they don’t make you feel good during a simple conversation, how do you expect them to be a good friend or partner?
· They don’t care about you
Narcissists can’t identify with other people because they lack both empathy and compassion.
I’ve once read a report from a therapist specializing in treating patients with NPD (Narcissist Personality Disorder) who claims that one-third of her patients can develop SOME empathy very slowly, under the condition that they put in the hard work…
I will NEVER again be in a relationship with a person who can’t relate to me and what I’m going through because that person will make you feel miserable at times you need them the most.
· They try very hard to impress you
Narcissists excel at bragging.
Trust me, the less reasons they have to brag about, the MORE they’ll keep on bragging. That’s how they compensate for the lack of self-confidence – that’s how they do an ego boost!
Most of that is fluff.
· They ask for special treatment
Hey, so I know we can all be special snowflakes for some things… like, we all enjoy getting special treatment but narcissists are next level.
They don’t only ask for special treatment – they DEMAND for constant, never-ending streams of attention and flattery and are known to get seriously upset if they’re not treated like royalty 24/7.
To see if your new friend or partner is guilty of this, just observe how they treat others around them. Do they get impatient or downright evil if they don’t get the special treatment they think they deserve?
If the answer’s yes, then that may be a HUGE red flag!
· They are quick to snap if things don’t go the way they want
Narcissists are known to be unable to handle rejection or failure or anything that indicates things aren’t going the way they want or expect.
It’s like watching a grown up toddler throw a tantrum for a menial reason.
On top of that, even if you suggest ways of handling the disappointment, they never ever want to take responsibility for their own life… and would rather point fingers to others..
Life doesn’t always turn the way we want and being able to cope with that fact is one of the keys to being happy, content and at peace with yourself.
My first contact with a narcissist wasn’t in a romantic relationship, though later on, I unwillingly or better said, UNKNOWINGLY, ended up in one.
Way back in college, a friend invited us for a long weekend to visit her dad. Her parents were divorced but her dad had a boat house at a nearby lake, and according to her, we were welcome there.
As any other college group of girls, we were thrilled to be going away from campus and onto an adventure. I mean, spend the long weekend at A BOAT HOUSE? As an immigrant child, I’d never before even dared to think about a boat house, let alone STAY in one.
What my friend didn’t tell – looking back now, she probably didn’t know it either, she just said her dad can be a bit “demanding” at times – was that her dad was the biggest narcissist I have ever met!
Put most simply, her dad was a jerk – funny, charismatic, successful……. but a jerk nonetheless.
I know, I know, the j-word is probably harsh but before you judge me, trust me, I’ve never seen anything like it before. Honestly, I even doubt I’ll even see something like it again.
He LOVED – L O V E D – being the center of attention.
He wouldn’t stop talking about himself. He thrived talking about his job and how important his role is. (the guy had a senior position at a well-known bank)
He made EVERYTHING about him – even if we said something like, the weather’s nice, he’d go on and add something like, OF COURSE IT’S NICE, I wouldn’t choose this place if it hadn’t had a nice weather! Like dude, you can’t control the weather!
At first, it was fun.
To a bunch of college girls, he was really impressive. He told the best jokes. He took us for a boat ride. He gave us booze. He was like a tour guide!
Soon, it became exhausting.
That guy wouldn’t shut up!
He felt the need to be the star of a show he wasn’t even invited to – after all, it was a girls’ weekend getaway!
Any time we’d try to steer the conversation away from him, he’d become extremely upset. He’d start tapping with his leg or walk away. Once, when he came back, he (very rudely!) interrupted a very short-lived conversation asking whether we are “done talking ONLY about our own lives”.
Once we stared in disbelief at him, he continued talking about his job and his boat YET AGAIN!
But the major red flag was that he continued talking cheerfully, AS IF NOTHING’D HAPPENED A MINUTE AGO! Like, where did all that anger vanish into? It was like a switch went on and off and you NEVER knew what was gonna happen the next minute!
And then came what I call his “tantrums”.
You know how a toddler can get upset for the most various of reasons – something along the lines of, he can’t reach to the sun and the next minute, he’s in tears?
Well, the same happened with this guy.
One of the girls was pouring us some drinks and spilled some on the table. She didn’t even spill the whole drink, just a few drops.
OH. MY. GOD – the guy lost it! He went batshit crazy on the SPOT. He started yelling, saying how disrespectful we are towards him and ruining his property, yada yada yada…
I couldn’t believe what I hear!
That weekend couldn’t finish fast enough and there were at least a dozen other tantrums! Even if there was a tiny teeny inconvenience, he’d flip!
Apart from the spilled drink, reasons for his meltdown included one of the girls asking if we could move the table under the shade – WHY DID WE COME IF WE DIDN’T LIKE STAYING OUT ON THE SUN? – one of the girls supposedly giving him a “funny look” and his own daughter not knowing how to make mashed potatoes right because she’s “just that stupid”.
Yup…….
What is narcissism?
I know the story I told you now is a bit extreme.
I’ve never again had the “pleasure” of meeting someone that extreme but other narcissists can be very, very exhausting.
They think they’re much better than others. They feel entitled to things. They expect you to always conform to their wishes and desires.
And if you don’t, they’re not afraid to manipulate you into feeling and doing EXACTLY what they want from you.
You know, narcissists are so. much. more. than people obsessed with themselves.
It’s so hard to define them actually.
First of all, they’re NOT madly in love with themselves. They don’t spend days in front of the mirror. They don’t want to be the center of attention because they enjoy it.
Actually, all of that behavior is just a mask to hide on what’s really going on the inside.
The reason why they appear so full of themselves is because they are, in fact, VERY much empty.
Not empty of emotion – empty of self-love and self-worth.
Now that I think about it, it’s pretty common to think that narcissist are sociopaths that don’t have any emotion.
The truth is, they DO have emotions and emotional needs that need to be met (just like regular people) but they don’t have the skills – or the emotional maturity – to communicate what they expect out of the other person.
Because after all, having our emotional needs met and meeting the emotional needs of another person is what emotional maturity is all about – that’s how you make friends!
Building relationships with narcissists is downright impossible. Since they lack empathy, they can’t form a real emotional connection to any other person…. Let alone offer something in return. (they can manipulate you into thinking they do, though)
What they do feel strongly is primal emotions – think fear and anger the most.
That’s why they’re know to behave so… so off-putting and aggressive.
They’re scared.
Deep down, most narcissists are drowning in their own insecurities, hence the need to put on a show for the rest of the world. They have a massive void and try to compensate for that void by CONSTANTLY asking for the admiration and attention of others.
I could go on and on talking about this.
What I’ve said so far is what I’ve noticed from my experience – the truth is, there can always be some differences from one narcissist to another. No two narcissists are the same!
Another thing to point out is that we can all sometimes be a bit narcissistic but that doesn’t make us narcissists.
That’s why I think it’d be helpful if I gave you some pointers on how to tell if you’re dealing with a narcissist and what can you do to keep your sanity!
WORD OF ADVICE:
There’s a difference between the Narcissistic Personality Disorder and narcissism as a trait.
How to tell if someone’s a narcissist
Narcissists are everyone around us but it’s often very hard to spot a narcissist when you first meet them.
The reason is, they can appear as a crowd’s favorite. They can be extremely charismatic and charming and people-pleasing, just to get you to like them.
Also, they may seem easy-going at first but once you meet them…. You’ll realize they are anything but!
Just to be sure, I looked this up and here are the MAJOR red flags to tell if someone’s a narcissist. If someone has one or two of these, it’s fine – but if someone you know has MOST of the signs on the list, you better watch out!
· They talk a LOT – and you don’t get to say anything!
Building relationships with someone requires conversations. And conversations are done by TWO people taking turns talking!
Narcissists love doing a lot of talking but prefer to do ZERO listening, just because they pretty much don’t care about what you have to say. Even if you do get a chance to talk, the conversation will redirect back to them in NO TIME.
If you’re talking with a narcissist, expect to be interrupted at least a dozen times and leave that conversation feeling emotionally drained!
Observe – how do you feel when interacting with someone? If they don’t make you feel good during a simple conversation, how do you expect them to be a good friend or partner?
· They don’t care about you
Narcissists can’t identify with other people because they lack both empathy and compassion.
I’ve once read a report from a therapist specializing in treating patients with NPD (Narcissist Personality Disorder) who claims that one-third of her patients can develop SOME empathy very slowly, under the condition that they put in the hard work…
But in my experience, waiting for someone to develop empathy is time lost, and EMPATHY is now one of the traits that are must-have in my partner.
While I can’t reveal much more, I’m only going to add that I will NEVER again be in a relationship with a person who can’t relate to me and what I’m going through because that person will make you feel miserable at times when you need them the most.
· They try very hard to impress you
Narcissists excel at bragging.
There’s nothing more exhausting than ending up seated next to a narcissist at a dinner party… oh boy, I once remember a girl that honestly, left me exhausted by the time I went home.
Trust me, the less reasons they have to brag about, the MORE they’ll keep on bragging. That’s how they compensate for the lack of self-confidence – that’s how they do an ego boost!
Most of that is fluff.
Narcissists tend to portray minor achievements (or should I say, under-achievements) as a huge success just to impress others. Remember, a person who has a lot to brag about stays humble 9 out of 10 times.
· They ask for special treatment
Hey, so I know we can all be special snowflakes for some things… like, we all enjoy getting special treatment but narcissists are next level.
They don’t only ask for special treatment – they DEMAND for constant, never-ending stream of attention and flattery and are known to get seriously upset if they’re not treated like royalty 24/7.
I’ve noticed this is especially true in times when they’re paying for a product or service – think dining out or going on a vacation or even waiting at the dentist. They’ll make a scene the minute they feel like they’re not the center of attention.
Those are the type of people that make a scene at a restaurant if the “ice cream is too cold” or have a meltdown at the dentist if they have to wait a few minutes longer.
To see if your new friend or partner is guilty of this, just observe how they treat others around them. Do they get impatient or downright evil if they don’t get the special treatment they think they deserve?
If the answer’s yes, then that may be a HUGE red flag!
· They are quick to snap if things don’t go the way they want
Narcissists are known to be unable to handle rejection or failure or anything of that matter that indicates things aren’t going the way they want or expect.
And what’s even worse, not only are behaving extremely irrational when things take a down turn (because hey, you can’t control life), they take it out on those around them.
It’s like watching a grown up toddler throw a tantrum for a menial reason.
On top of that, even if you suggest ways of handling the disappointment, they never ever want to take responsibility for their own life… and would rather point fingers to others.
If you have a narcissist in your life, I’m sorry but expect to be guilty for whatever’s happening in their life 9 out of 10 times. Someone else (the cashier at Walmart, the Uber driver) will take the fault the 10th time but never the narcissist.
Life doesn’t always turn the way we want and being able to cope with that fact is one of the keys to being happy, content and at peace with yourself.
Can you - and should you - try to change narcissists?
Look, I’m going to be real with you here.
It may sound harsh but… safe yourself the headache. And the heartache.
It’s going to be tempting to try - and yes, you’ll think that you’re “different” and that you can change them - but….. It usually doesn’t work like that.
You can’t help narcissists simply because most of them don’t want to be helped. They don’t think there’s anything wrong with them in the first place.
Even if you bring them to your therapist's office and make them go there… two thirds of narcissists willing to work with someone give up after a few sessions only.
True, they are people just like the rest of us and we should try to understand them and help them as much as possible (without eroding our own personal boundaries) but building genuine connections with narcissists is downright impossible.
In my humble experience, the only way they can be helped is if they agree to work with a therapist and at the same time, work on developing their empathy. There’s no other way.
I know this is too big of a topic so I’m going to slowly wrap things up now but I’d love to hear your opinion and your experience with narcissists.
Have you ever had to deal with a narcissist? Be in a relationship with a narcissist? Have someone in your family that’s a narcissist?
I’d love to hear your stories and your experience, let’s talk more about this topic and help each other!
Resources
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/narcissism
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/toxic-relationships/201812/how-spot-narcissist
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/compassion-matters/201411/are-you-narcissist-infographic
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-narcissist-in-your-life/201910/is-narcissism-treatable
March 6, 2021
[ 2021 ] What is a false twin flame and more!
Have you ever met someone for the first time, but in your heart you feel as if you have met them before? Have you ever met someone and instantly felt a connection between you and him?
As you grow spiritually, you start seeing more and more truth unfolding before your eyes, and you start understanding life more profoundly. .
You also come to the point when you realize there are different types of spiritual and cosmic connections between individuals.
Soul mates are deep, profound connections, these are people you just click with.
But did you know that there is another level of spiritual bonding, which is even deeper and stronger than the soul mates connection? These connections are called twin flames, and they are very special and very rare. So, what exactly are twin flames?You might hear every now and then ‘mirror soul’ or ‘soul connection’. Well, these are just different names for twin flames.
Twin flame is the other half of your soul. The theory says that when a soul is created, it splits in two parts, and they incarnate over and over again in different bodies, until eventually they come together as a whole.
A soulmate is someone you have a close relationship with, he or she is made from the same type of energy as you and you have a deep level of understanding of each other.
A twin flame is somebody that exists in fusion with you, it’s a connection on another level.
It’s a divine, magnetic union between you and the other person.
You can have many soul mates because there are many people you can align with on a deeper level, but there is only one twin flame you can click with.Twin flame is the other part of your soul – this is why you can only have one twin flame.
And that’s also the reason why not every person has met their twin flame. It’s not easy to encounter your other half, right?
Meeting your twin flame usually ends up in a romance, but it can also manifest as a unique, deep friendship.
You know you’ve met your soul mate when this person shows you what’s holding you back. Your soul mate is constantly bringing problems and questions to your attention, because this way you grow for the better. Your soul mate comes to you to shake things up, wake you up and make sure you’re not avoiding the elephant in the room.
Your soul mate push you to figure out your karmic issues and grow to a higher spiritual level.You will instantly know you’ve met your soul mate if this person is pushing your boundaries and making you overcome your fears and deal with your problems. That’s how you can easily recognize you’ve met your soulmate.
But here comes your twin flame. While your soulmate is somebody you have a strong bond with and whose purpose is to help you get on a higher personal level, your twin flame is a person you have a divine bond with, he is a mirror of you. In other words, you are each other’s yin yang.
But don’t get me wrong when I said your twin flame is your other half: that doesn’t mean you have any void that needs filling. You can live a very happy and contented life. What I’m saying is that if, or when you find your twin flame, the feeling is like you’ve found a part of yourself in another person, like you’ve just completed yourself on a whole other spiritual level. It’s a crazy and very powerful feeling!
Your twin flame is somebody you are destined to connect to on a mental, physical, emotional and spiritual level. This person is your mirror, he’s the mirror of your personality, your deepest needs and desires. He will reflect to you all your inner strengths, your inner beauty and shadows. That’s what I meant when I said your twin flame is bringing you to a whole different level.
how do you make sure you’ve met exactly your twin flame and not another soul mate?.
It’s difficult for some because one person is aware and ready while the other might not be ready for such a powerful connection. Sometimes things are not rosy and one of you has to overcome his or her personal barriers to allow the other half to enter their life.
Another way to know you’ve met your twin flame is if you make an immediate bond with this person.
You will feel immediately comfortable, and his presence feels like you’ve arrived home. Like this is the person you’ve been looking for.
Fake twin flames are the direct opposite of your actual twin, who supports your higher self instead of sapping the force from you.
For different purposes, we also call fake twin flame the energy vampire. They drain the vitality from you, use it for their upkeep, and fuel their aura.
They give you some of their unpleasant vibrations and essentially make you a little bit like them.
You can see that they're jealous, short-tempered, manipulating, and emotionally inaccessible.
You're trying to give and give, and what they're going to do is take from you without ever giving back.
What you need to know is that the vampires don't want to be vampires – they were victims once, too.
The detection of a fake twin flames is very hard since their actual selves are buried under layers of perfectly curated individuals.
Fake twin flames are the direct opposite of your actual mirror soul, who supports your higher self instead of sapping the force from you.
For different purposes, we also call fake twin flame the energy vampire.They drain the vitality from you, use it for their upkeep, and fuel their aura.
They give you some of their unpleasant vibrations and essentially make you a little bit like them.
You can see that they're jealous, short-tempered, manipulating, and emotionally inaccessible.
You're trying to give and give, and what they're going to do is take from you without ever giving back.
What you need to know is that the vampires don't want to be vampires – they were victims once, too.
The detection of a fake twin flame relationships is very hard since their actual selves are buried under layers of perfectly curated individuals.
The fake twin flame relationship will show itself in fundamentally the same as characteristics of the genuine twin flame love. Why would that be? The fake twin flames relationships has not yet gone through a spiritual growth and personal growth inside themselves the more elevated levels of awareness and self reflection that a divine masculine twin life partner has.
So as opposed to doing the troublesome spiritual growth and personal growth work, the fake twin flame love will join themselves to the more developed twin and retain their energy and quintessence as their own. If done on an inner work level, this sort of energy trade is exceptionally hazardous for the real mirror soul.
When the fake twin believes they have obtained what they require from you, they will have little or no time for you. They get agitated instantly and clearly retreat.
These are known as karmic cycles—they are there to help you clear karma from an earlier time, with the goal that any future connections you go into will be more solid.
You don't know which direction to go during the process. Your heart tells you that this individual is special. In the process you don't know what direction to go. Your heart discloses to you that this individual is extraordinary, and there were such countless signs revealing to you they were "the one" You had comparable childhoods, interests, objectives, dreams. Nobody comprehends you the manner in which they did.
The following stage is you start to reprimand yourself for the relationship going south. You may apologize frequently and consistently assume the part of peacemaker.
Check out the signs below of a fake twin flame relationship.
Disappears in time of needWe’ve seen this happen multiple times in any relationship. When you need the person the most, they vanish. This a big sign that your supposed twin flame is a false one. True twin flames will be present and be there for you when you need them the most.
2. Fake PersonaThere's nothing more terrible than being involved with somebody and not realizing what is happening in their minds. You can't guess their feelings and you feel that they are not demonstrating their actual self to you. A genuine twin fire will be open and empathetic.
3. Frightened of responsibilityAt the point when discusses your future together become the subject, you feel them start to get awkward. A fake twin flame is frightened of responsibility and doesn't see a future with you. Their objectives are present moment and just like being with you because they are bored.
4. Shallow qualitiesA twin flame connection is deep and you feel like you can talk about anything. On the off chance that all they talk about is shallow things and stray from profound subjects, that is a terrible sign.
5. Brings up past issues
A real twin flame reflects more on the future than on the past. Your connection is usually a false twin flame, if problems from the past are always dragged up.
7. Dating life is still complicatedYou're together one day and you aren't together the next. If this is your new partnership situation, perhaps your fake twin flame may have been identified. A fake relationship with a twin flame is always in limbo. You never know where you stand.
8. Making you feel unqualifiedWhen, your lover acts and makes you feel incompetent, ditch them. Never put up with such behaviour and attitude.
9. Doesn't at all support you with your aspirations and milestonesThey cause you to feel terrible for being having goals and aspirations.
10. Seems far off and unapproachableTwin flame connections should be deep and spiritual; it rises above an ordinary relationship. On the off chance that your lover seems removed and detached, that is a terrible sign.
11. Leads you onA genuine twin flame won't keep leading you on. They will be honest and open about their affections for you. Leading you on is a major warning if they keep lying about their intentions long term.
12.Emotionally unavailableSome individuals find it impossible to be emotionally accessible.Being emotionally inaccessible is a sign of a false twin flame, particularly when you need them the most.
13. Extremely sexual partnership
Due to a major codependent relationship at the sacral chakra, the relationship is usually extremely erotic in essence.If the relation between you is sexual for the most part, so it is not a real twin flame.
A real twin flame reaches beyond man's lascivious impulses and wants a deeper connection than just sex. The sacral chakra is the place where codependency lives, and it is the place where we structure sexual associations with others. It is the place where our undesirable youth connection issues and wounds dwell.
14. Involvement of third parties
They have sexual or intimate affairs with other people when committed to you, or begin new sexual relationships while attached to you. They can conceal it from you or make them known to you. Although relationships can indeed be difficult, if they are want to see other women, it indicates that they're not even treating your bond sincerely and you can consider this as an indication to let them go. In general, this type of connection consists of empath (the real victim of twin flame), and narcissism (the false twin flame).
Can a false twin flame become a real twin flame?
The appropriate response is no. Once in a while our psyche is so fixated on our bogus twin relationship that we won't see reality. In any event, when we begin seeing the indications of a bogus twin fire, we like to disregard it. This is a characteristic propensity where you intentionally decide to try not to recognize the harsh reality with the expectation that it will improve one day.
Tragically, this prompts accumulating of enthusiastic trouble and negatively affects our emotional well-being. You won't ever have mental harmony with a fake twin flame relationship because there is so much drama surrounding the two of you.
You learn to unconditional support and respect yourself in life. This really is the role of the fake twin flame They might well stimulate you, disrespect you, and handle you badly, yet you will be unable to break up the bond for whatever reason. You must recover yourselves and heal your internal bruises to a place that you can grow to value yourself enough to let them go, even though you are already attached to them.
You learn to avoid denying love and start being open to dating someone. someone You tend to attract circumstances in which others wish to give you their affection, and this pushes you to confront your own problems of denying love and being rejected by others.
Here is the thing that I know without a doubt:
The world is loaded with amazing, talented ladies like you who want to have an effect on the planet, who feel bad for needing what they need and confounded on the best way to get it. Ladies who frequently struggle having faith in themselves and their school , home, work and love life. There isn't anything amiss with you. Furthermore, there is unquestionably nothing amiss with needing what you need.
Sample the book for free by clicking the “preview” button in the picture below.Intuition is Your Superpower and it is on Amazon for $9.99
It is loaded up with streamlined system, new viewpoint, and the early strides for beginning and developing your intuition so you won't feel unsure if you should do something or not..
Every chapter incorporates homework, diary prompts and assertions so you can coordinate and apply the lessons to your life, business, and online media presence... today.
2021 is a major year for ladies prepared to do the things.I'm so eager to perceive how you manage this substance, data and energy!
My book: https://www.amazon.com/Intuition-Your-Superpower-follow-confidence-ebook/dp/B07MP7Z8L6
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What is a false twin flame and more!
Have you ever met someone for the first time, but in your heart you feel as if you have met them before? Have you ever met someone and instantly felt a connection between you and him?
As you grow spiritually, you start seeing more and more truth unfolding before your eyes, and you start understanding life more profoundly. .
You also come to the point when you realize there are different types of spiritual and cosmic connections between individuals.
Soul mates are deep, profound connections, these are people you just click with.
But did you know that there is another level of spiritual bonding, which is even deeper and stronger than the soul mates connection? These connections are called twin flames, and they are very special and very rare. So, what exactly are twin flames?You might hear every now and then ‘mirror soul’ or ‘soul connection’. Well, these are just different names for twin flames.
Twin flame is the other half of your soul. The theory says that when a soul is created, it splits in two parts, and they incarnate over and over again in different bodies, until eventually they come together as a whole.
A soulmate is someone you have a close relationship with, he or she is made from the same type of energy as you and you have a deep level of understanding of each other.
A twin flame is somebody that exists in fusion with you, it’s a connection on another level.
It’s a divine, magnetic union between you and the other person.
You can have many soul mates because there are many people you can align with on a deeper level, but there is only one twin flame you can click with.Twin flame is the other part of your soul – this is why you can only have one twin flame.
And that’s also the reason why not every person has met their twin flame. It’s not easy to encounter your other half, right?
Meeting your twin flame usually ends up in a romance, but it can also manifest as a unique, deep friendship.
You know you’ve met your soul mate when this person shows you what’s holding you back. Your soul mate is constantly bringing problems and questions to your attention, because this way you grow for the better. Your soul mate comes to you to shake things up, wake you up and make sure you’re not avoiding the elephant in the room.
Your soul mate push you to figure out your karmic issues and grow to a higher spiritual level.You will instantly know you’ve met your soul mate if this person is pushing your boundaries and making you overcome your fears and deal with your problems. That’s how you can easily recognize you’ve met your soulmate.
But here comes your twin flame. While your soulmate is somebody you have a strong bond with and whose purpose is to help you get on a higher personal level, your twin flame is a person you have a divine bond with, he is a mirror of you. In other words, you are each other’s yin yang.
But don’t get me wrong when I said your twin flame is your other half: that doesn’t mean you have any void that needs filling. You can live a very happy and contented life. What I’m saying is that if, or when you find your twin flame, the feeling is like you’ve found a part of yourself in another person, like you’ve just completed yourself on a whole other spiritual level. It’s a crazy and very powerful feeling!
Your twin flame is somebody you are destined to connect to on a mental, physical, emotional and spiritual level. This person is your mirror, he’s the mirror of your personality, your deepest needs and desires. He will reflect to you all your inner strengths, your inner beauty and shadows. That’s what I meant when I said your twin flame is bringing you to a whole different level.
how do you make sure you’ve met exactly your twin flame and not another soul mate?.
It’s difficult for some because one person is aware and ready while the other might not be ready for such a powerful connection. Sometimes things are not rosy and one of you has to overcome his or her personal barriers to allow the other half to enter their life.
Another way to know you’ve met your twin flame is if you make an immediate bond with this person.
You will feel immediately comfortable, and his presence feels like you’ve arrived home. Like this is the person you’ve been looking for.
Fake twin flames are the direct opposite of your actual twin, who supports your higher self instead of sapping the force from you.
For different purposes, we also call fake twin flame the energy vampire. They drain the vitality from you, use it for their upkeep, and fuel their aura.
They give you some of their unpleasant vibrations and essentially make you a little bit like them.
You can see that they're jealous, short-tempered, manipulating, and emotionally inaccessible.
You're trying to give and give, and what they're going to do is take from you without ever giving back.
What you need to know is that the vampires don't want to be vampires – they were victims once, too.
The detection of a fake twin flames is very hard since their actual selves are buried under layers of perfectly curated individuals.
Fake twin flames are the direct opposite of your actual mirror soul, who supports your higher self instead of sapping the force from you.
For different purposes, we also call fake twin flame the energy vampire.They drain the vitality from you, use it for their upkeep, and fuel their aura.
They give you some of their unpleasant vibrations and essentially make you a little bit like them.
You can see that they're jealous, short-tempered, manipulating, and emotionally inaccessible.
You're trying to give and give, and what they're going to do is take from you without ever giving back.
What you need to know is that the vampires don't want to be vampires – they were victims once, too.
The detection of a fake twin flame relationships is very hard since their actual selves are buried under layers of perfectly curated individuals.
The fake twin flame relationship will show itself in fundamentally the same as characteristics of the genuine twin flame love. Why would that be? The fake twin flames relationships has not yet gone through a spiritual growth and personal growth inside themselves the more elevated levels of awareness and self reflection that a divine masculine twin life partner has.
So as opposed to doing the troublesome spiritual growth and personal growth work, the fake twin flame love will join themselves to the more developed twin and retain their energy and quintessence as their own. If done on an inner work level, this sort of energy trade is exceptionally hazardous for the real mirror soul.
When the fake twin believes they have obtained what they require from you, they will have little or no time for you. They get agitated instantly and clearly retreat.
These are known as karmic cycles—they are there to help you clear karma from an earlier time, with the goal that any future connections you go into will be more solid.
You don't know which direction to go during the process. Your heart tells you that this individual is special. In the process you don't know what direction to go. Your heart discloses to you that this individual is extraordinary, and there were such countless signs revealing to you they were "the one" You had comparable childhoods, interests, objectives, dreams. Nobody comprehends you the manner in which they did.
The following stage is you start to reprimand yourself for the relationship going south. You may apologize frequently and consistently assume the part of peacemaker.
Check out the signs below of a fake twin flame relationship.
Disappears in time of needWe’ve seen this happen multiple times in any relationship. When you need the person the most, they vanish. This a big sign that your supposed twin flame is a false one. True twin flames will be present and be there for you when you need them the most.
2. Fake PersonaThere's nothing more terrible than being involved with somebody and not realizing what is happening in their minds. You can't guess their feelings and you feel that they are not demonstrating their actual self to you. A genuine twin fire will be open and empathetic.
3. Frightened of responsibilityAt the point when discusses your future together become the subject, you feel them start to get awkward. A fake twin flame is frightened of responsibility and doesn't see a future with you. Their objectives are present moment and just like being with you because they are bored.
4. Shallow qualitiesA twin flame connection is deep and you feel like you can talk about anything. On the off chance that all they talk about is shallow things and stray from profound subjects, that is a terrible sign.
5. Brings up past issues A real twin flame reflects more on the future than on the past. Your connection is usually a false twin flame, if problems from the past are always dragged up.
7. Dating life is still complicatedYou're together one day and you aren't together the next. If this is your new partnership situation, perhaps your fake twin flame may have been identified. A fake relationship with a twin flame is always in limbo. You never know where you stand.
8. Making you feel unqualifiedWhen, your lover acts and makes you feel incompetent, ditch them. Never put up with such behaviour and attitude.
9. Doesn't at all support you with your aspirations and milestonesThey cause you to feel terrible for being having goals and aspirations.
10. Seems far off and unapproachableTwin flame connections should be deep and spiritual; it rises above an ordinary relationship. On the off chance that your lover seems removed and detached, that is a terrible sign.
11. Leads you onA genuine twin flame won't keep leading you on. They will be honest and open about their affections for you. Leading you on is a major warning if they keep lying about their intentions long term.
12.Emotionally unavailableSome individuals find it impossible to be emotionally accessible.Being emotionally inaccessible is a sign of a false twin flame, particularly when you need them the most.
13. Extremely sexual partnership
Due to a major codependent relationship at the sacral chakra, the relationship is usually extremely erotic in essence.If the relation between you is sexual for the most part, so it is not a real twin flame.
A real twin flame reaches beyond man's lascivious impulses and wants a deeper connection than just sex. The sacral chakra is the place where codependency lives, and it is the place where we structure sexual associations with others. It is the place where our undesirable youth connection issues and wounds dwell.
14. Involvement of third parties
They have sexual or intimate affairs with other people when committed to you, or begin new sexual relationships while attached to you. They can conceal it from you or make them known to you. Although relationships can indeed be difficult, if they are want to see other women, it indicates that they're not even treating your bond sincerely and you can consider this as an indication to let them go. In general, this type of connection consists of empath (the real victim of twin flame), and narcissism (the false twin flame).
Can a false twin flame become a real twin flame?
The appropriate response is no. Once in a while our psyche is so fixated on our bogus twin relationship that we won't see reality. In any event, when we begin seeing the indications of a bogus twin fire, we like to disregard it. This is a characteristic propensity where you intentionally decide to try not to recognize the harsh reality with the expectation that it will improve one day.
Tragically, this prompts accumulating of enthusiastic trouble and negatively affects our emotional well-being. You won't ever have mental harmony with a fake twin flame relationship because there is so much drama surrounding the two of you.
You learn to unconditional support and respect yourself in life. This really is the role of the fake twin flame They might well stimulate you, disrespect you, and handle you badly, yet you will be unable to break up the bond for whatever reason. You must recover yourselves and heal your internal bruises to a place that you can grow to value yourself enough to let them go, even though you are already attached to them.
You learn to avoid denying love and start being open to dating someone. someone You tend to attract circumstances in which others wish to give you their affection, and this pushes you to confront your own problems of denying love and being rejected by others.
Here is the thing that I know without a doubt:
The world is loaded with amazing, talented ladies like you who want to have an effect on the planet, who feel bad for needing what they need and confounded on the best way to get it. Ladies who frequently struggle having faith in themselves and their school , home, work and love life. There isn't anything amiss with you. Furthermore, there is unquestionably nothing amiss with needing what you need.
Sample the book for free by clicking the “preview” button in the picture below.Intuition is Your Superpower and it is on Amazon for $9.99
It is loaded up with streamlined system, new viewpoint, and the early strides for beginning and developing your intuition so you won't feel unsure if you should do something or not..
Every chapter incorporates homework, diary prompts and assertions so you can coordinate and apply the lessons to your life, business, and online media presence... today.
2021 is a major year for ladies prepared to do the things.I'm so eager to perceive how you manage this substance, data and energy!
My book: https://www.amazon.com/Intuition-Your-Superpower-follow-confidence-ebook/dp/B07MP7Z8L6
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March 4, 2021
Can faking happiness make you happy 2021?
Here are 4 happiness illusion that steals away your joy.
You know the feeling of seeing happy couples anywhere you turn? I wanted SO bad to be one of them!
I wanted not only to be in a relationship but to have someone to hold my hand, open doors for me, buy me flowers, call before bed, have someone to come back home to… I was so desperate to experience all of that relationship stuff that it literally hurt me to watch other ppl be together.
To me, being a couple equaled being happy.
Don’t get me wrong – I wasn’t jealous of them, and I sure didn’t envy people in a bad way. I just wished I had what they have because then, my brain convinced me that I could finally – FINALLY! – be happy!
And as always, life or destiny or fate or the Universe – whoever you want – found a way to do a reality check with me.
I was suddenly stuck in the most life-sucking, loveless relationship you can imagine. I mean, there was love – but now that I look back, it was one-sided.
It took me years to learn that you can’t expect your partner to fill out your void. You can’t expect your partner to satisfy your emotional cravings. You can’t expect your partner to help you deal with the trauma from the past.
It’s not fair but even if it were fair, it’s completely impossible for someone else to make you happy – every day, all day long.
I spend most of the time on my own today – I eat lunch alone, I take myself out on dinner dates, I live alone and yet, I swear, I haven’t felt lonely for a minute!
Hollywood and all of those rom-coms we’ve soaked up as kids have really messed with our heads and the expectations we have from romantic relationships. The princess in the movie is always miserable on her own but once Prince Charming shows up along in her life, she suddenly has everything, yada yada!
Yeah… it doesn’t work like that in real life.
The truth is, it takes a lot of work to be part of a healthy, emotionally-satisfying relationship. Both sides have to be willing to participate and make compromises if you want it to work in the long run.
Both sides have to be happy on their own before they can be happy together!
Your partner can only be PART of your life and PART of the reason why you’re happy. The rest is up to you – you have to make yourself happy first. It’s my best advice to you, before you even consider getting into a relationship, know what makes you happy and know how to make yourself happy without needing anyone.
Any other way, and you’ll be putting just too much of a burden on your partner and too much of a burden on yourself.
Trust me, if there was a Happiness destination, I’d take you all with me. It’s just that being happy doesn’t exactly work this way.
We all have goals we work for in life. Most of the time, we want to do something because we believe that in the end, it’s going to change our life for the better.
When I was in college, while working on getting my degree, money was tight. Naturally, I believed that a job that pays well is the solution to all my problems.
Next thing I know, I have a job. And it pays well. And I love working. But soon after, I’m restless again. What if I could get a promotion – and earn even more money?
I have everything I’ve ever wanted and you know what happens? I’m feeling miserable! I’m crying myself to sleep, I’m anxious, and I’m depressed even though according to my brain, I should’ve been the happiest woman on the planet.
That’s what happens to all of us once we realize that happiness doesn’t hide in the next big promotion or the next big house. Actually, once you buy a big house, soon after you want a bigger house. And after you get a bigger house, you start wanting an even bigger house.
Now, asking for more and wanting more out of life is definitely, definitely not a bad thing. It’s just that it puts your focus on the FUTURE, rather than on the present! Happiness is never in the future, it never hides in a future moment – happiness is right here and right now.
Nowadays, there are bits and moments when I realize just how happy I am. Tiny, fleeting moments where I’m suddenly like – oh wow, I’m really happy now! I’m sitting in my apartment, it’s raining outside but nothing too bad; I see the San Francisco skyline; Leo’s napping on the couch, and I have music playing in the background. What’s there NOT to be happy about?
All of that I just described is making me ten times as happy than any of the big checks or big promotions ever made me feel!
3. Happiness is a lie!
There was a time in my life when deep down, I was convinced it’s all a lie. The happy life is a lie. Happiness is a lie. There’s no such thing as a happy life.
Looking back at it from this perspective, I’m pretty sure I was going through a VERY bad patch in life. I was angry at the world, I was angry at the people around me but mostly, I was angry with myself.
I wish I could tell you there was one particular event that changed my life and opened my heart in a way that taught me how to allow myself to feel but the reality is, it took me years to accept the whole emotional spectrum.
There’s this common belief that a happy life doesn’t involve any sadness or frustration or anger or disappointment – and that’s just not true. Again, Hollywood movies, I blame you!
We’ve spent years labeling emotions as positive and negative, learning to attract more of the good vibes and avoid the bad ones but unfortunately, that’s not how any of this works.
The whole point of unpleasant emotions is to help us raise our own awareness and find out what’s wrong – are we missing out on something? Is our heart aching for something else? Do we have any emotional needs that need to be met?
After years and years on working on myself and my own personal development, after a lot of heartache and taking as much time as I needed to heal my old wounds, I learned it’s impossible to have the yang without the yin.
Emotions are there to be felt but emotions alone aren’t the only indicator of a good life because honestly now… emotions sometimes do get the best of all of us.
Being happy at one particular moment doesn’t mean we’ll never again feel anger or disappointment or grief. However, feeling all of those things doesn’t wipe away happiness because that’s just not how happiness works!
If you’re going through a period in life where you think all of this – the hours you invest in working and improving yourself – are pointless, here’s your reminder to be gentle to yourself. Express whatever it is you’re feeling – resentment, fear, disappointment – and make room to feel something amazing. I guarantee, you won’t regret it!
Are you on social media? You probably are. We all are.
You know, I’ve been using social media for more than a decade now. You know I live in SF, so you could basically say I watched how social media was born. I knew the people working on it behind the scenes… I knew what they wanted to achieve… and yet, I fell victim to it.
Better said, I fell victim to the content I saw online.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have anything against social media, and neither should you.
As long as you use it right, social media is a wonderful tool, however, the problem is, how many of us can stay immune to the comparison that stems from using social media?
That’s right, no one!
We’ve all been there.
We’ve felt bad when we saw friends having fun on Instagram stories without us.
We’ve felt a sting of jealousy and regret when we stalked our ex and found out he’s dating a new girl now.
We’ve all wondered whether we’re doing alright with our careers when we see posts about people getting promoted or landing better jobs or achieving big things while we’re still struggling to make ends meet.
And we’ve all taught to ourselves, even if it’s for a tiny, insignificant millisecond - everyone’s happy but me…….. We’ve felt worthless, unproductive, and ultimately, UNHAPPY, just because of a tiny little image we saw on our phone. How crazy is that?
But the life we see others living on social media is not real life. Think about it - you probably don’t post as much about your failures as much as you do about your victories? Well, the same applies to others!
We control social media, we decide what we see there, and we decide whether we allow it to make us feel lonely or not worthy of love or like a complete failure but every time you’re tempted to think any thoughts like that, just remember that no one has a perfect life.
Everyone has some good days and some bad days but in the end, we decide what we choose to focus on. Put your focus on the good days, shine some gratitude on whatever’s going good for you!
I encourage you to start using social media as a place to lift and inspire others, as a place where you seek motivation and inspiration, not as a place where you compare yourself to others.
You have all the freedom in the world to design your feed, and don’t be scared to unfollow people or brands who make you feel bad or unworthy or unhappy...
And remember, if someone’s life seems too good to be true…. Then you’re not far away from the truth!
March 1, 2021
[2021 ] Why do I want to be sad sometimes
The myth of ever-lasting happiness
First I finished high school, then I went to college, then to graduate school, then I landed a great job in SF… I did everything by the book.
And yet, even though I lived through plenty of happy moments throughout, I still felt sad sometimes. I still had bad days. I still didn’t want to leave my room sometimes.
To me, that was an absolute deal-breaker.
I was not ALLOWED to feel bad – for any reason whatsoever.
How dare my brain make me feel something else than pure joy?
That’s not the life I imagined to have, I used to think to myself.
I had it all, I was supposed to ALWAYS be happy and yet I wasn’t. Where’s my happiness now?!, I so unreasonably demanded someone to answer.
The way I saw it, living a happy life was the opposite of living an unhappy life.
In my mind, people were either happy or sad – never both. I couldn’t comprehend that both happiness and sadness could coexist – pretty happily, mind you – on the same spectrum.
It wasn’t until I crashed hard and hit rock bottom that I realized just how unfair I was to myself. I held myself to expectations no human being could ever live up to.
Turns out, there’s this myth of a happy life we’ve been fed all our lives.
In that myth, there’s no room for sadness or doubt or fear or anger… or any other emotion dubbed unpleasant on the spectrum.
You see that myth everywhere around you: in books, magazines, movies, commercials, people talk about it, people hustle hard trying to turn it into a reality.
I want to be happy when I grow up has become a mandatory goal for everyone…
And in a society that values “good emotions only” being sad feels like being a failure.
The truth about happiness & sadness
But that’s just not how it works.
Sadness is one of our main emotions that we need in our day to day life.
Mind you, we’re not talking here about chronic depression – I just hate how often sadness is being connected with depression when that’s just not the case – … that’s completely different.
We’re talking about being sad for… reasons.
Someone you love moves away on the other side of the country. You hear about the bushfires in Australia and you feel bad for all the animals that lost their lives. You have an argument with a loved one and things don’t end up well.
That type of sadness often feels like an invisible weight we’re left carrying around with us.
The problem is, a lot of people struggle to identify what they’re feeling. They feel bad but don’t know the reason: they’re refusing to let themselves feel bad. And pinpointing sadness isn’t always easy because hey, we’re complex people – there’s never ONLY one emotion we feel at a time, it’s often a mix of at least few.
I’ve felt bad for the last few days and I didn’t know why. I was lethargic and unproductive and just wasn’t in the mood to do much. I had that feeling of carrying a burden within but couldn’t find out why.
To my rational brain, there wasn’t a reason to feel blue… and yet that’s exactly how I felt. But our emotions can’t always be as rational as we expect them to be.
Wanna know when I felt better?
I only felt better after allowing myself to feel sad.
The truth is, I’d been bothered with a particular problem for a while now, and that problem, apart from making me angry and disappointed, it also made me feel sad.
I just didn’t want to admit the sad part to myself. The sadness was hiding beneath all that anger and disappointed because hey, being sad for something means we care. And I didn’t want to admit to myself that I actually cared more than I thought!
So what did I do?
Well, I got a bit emotional at first and once I allowed myself to feel sad, it all just started pouring out of me. Wave after wave after wave. I couldn’t believe just how much I’d been carrying around!
I had a good cry, I admitted to myself what’s been hurting me and what’s the reason I respond so emotionally to a situation like that.
And guess what… in as little as an hour, ONE HOUR, I felt re-energized, like my old self.
All of that happened only after I allowed myself to feel SAD.
So see, that’s how sadness and happiness can coexist in harmony.
Feeling sad is great. It’s wonderful actually! It means that soon after, you’ll feel happy again!
What to do about it?
As you can see, I dealt with my sadness by crying.
Some people talk to their friends. Others journal. Some go for a run. Some call their therapist.
You choose what works for you.
It’s okay if you do different things on different occasions.
I felt like crying the other day and that did me good. Other times, I’ve called my friend and after talking for a few hours, I was as good as new.
The method doesn’t matter as much as acknowledging the emotion first.
Now, if you’re feeling a lot of different emotions and aren’t sure whether you’re sad or scared or angry, talking to yourself helps.
To decide whether you’re sad or not, do two things:
- Observe your body. Sadness has the ability to suck energy out of you, so if you’ve been procrastinating or just felt tired all the time, maybe do a quick self-check to make sure you’re allowing yourself to experience even the unpleasant emotions on the spectrum.
- Another thing I’ve found helpful is asking yourself reverse questions until you dig out the basic emotion underneath.
For example, what am I feeling right now? I’m feeling very, very angry.
What made me feel that emotion? My friends met up on a Friday night and I wasn’t invited.
Why does being invited matters so much to me? I care for my friends and I also don’t want feeling left out.
What happens if I feel that someone’s leaving me out? I get triggered because I have abandonment issues.
What’s the reason for my abandonment issues? My father left me when I was young.
And how did that make me feel? That made me feel sad.
BOTTOM LINE: I may feel angry towards my friends but that’s just a surface emotion. The core emotion I’m feeling is sadness!
This may be a dumb example but you see my point here. Just guide yourself through the process!
How to tell if sadness is more than just sadness?
So bottom line is, feeling something, even if that feels unpleasant, is good for you. LET YOURSELF FEEL. Give yourself permission to feel!
BUT BUT BUT! I feel obligated to say this!
Not all sadness is equal.
If you notice you’re feeling blue for longer periods of time without an obvious reason (you’re not grieving or dealing with a loss), then do something about it.
Let’s say, if during the last 5-6 months you’re more lethargic than usual, you don’t feel like doing anything, you’d rather stay home and do nothing – then talk to someone.
Be that a friend or a therapist, just find someone to talk to.
Remember, sadness is an emotion and emotions usually don’t last that long.
There’s no shame in acknowledging your feelings and talking openly about them, so please, just talk to someone. We all need a little push from time to time and I promise you that you’ll feel better soon!
Spot Your Emotional Baggage™. Don’t delay your chance to experience emotional release any further than today. from bernadette balla on Vimeo.
Why do I want to be sad sometimes
The myth of ever-lasting happiness
First I finished high school, then I went to college, then to graduate school, then I landed a great job in SF… I did everything by the book.
And yet, even though I lived through plenty of happy moments throughout, I still felt sad sometimes. I still had bad days. I still didn’t want to leave my room sometimes.
To me, that was an absolute deal-breaker.
I was not ALLOWED to feel bad – for any reason whatsoever.
How dare my brain make me feel something else than pure joy?
That’s not the life I imagined to have, I used to think to myself.
I had it all, I was supposed to ALWAYS be happy and yet I wasn’t. Where’s my happiness now?!, I so unreasonably demanded someone to answer.
The way I saw it, living a happy life was the opposite of living an unhappy life.
In my mind, people were either happy or sad – never both. I couldn’t comprehend that both happiness and sadness could coexist – pretty happily, mind you – on the same spectrum.
It wasn’t until I crashed hard and hit rock bottom that I realized just how unfair I was to myself. I held myself to expectations no human being could ever live up to.
Turns out, there’s this myth of a happy life we’ve been fed all our lives.
In that myth, there’s no room for sadness or doubt or fear or anger… or any other emotion dubbed unpleasant on the spectrum.
You see that myth everywhere around you: in books, magazines, movies, commercials, people talk about it, people hustle hard trying to turn it into a reality.
I want to be happy when I grow up has become a mandatory goal for everyone…
And in a society that values “good emotions only” being sad feels like being a failure.
The truth about happiness & sadness
But that’s just not how it works.
Sadness is one of our main emotions that we need in our day to day life.
Mind you, we’re not talking here about chronic depression – I just hate how often sadness is being connected with depression when that’s just not the case – … that’s completely different.
We’re talking about being sad for… reasons.
Someone you love moves away on the other side of the country. You hear about the bushfires in Australia and you feel bad for all the animals that lost their lives. You have an argument with a loved one and things don’t end up well.
That type of sadness often feels like an invisible weight we’re left carrying around with us.
The problem is, a lot of people struggle to identify what they’re feeling. They feel bad but don’t know the reason: they’re refusing to let themselves feel bad. And pinpointing sadness isn’t always easy because hey, we’re complex people – there’s never ONLY one emotion we feel at a time, it’s often a mix of at least few.
I’ve felt bad for the last few days and I didn’t know why. I was lethargic and unproductive and just wasn’t in the mood to do much. I had that feeling of carrying a burden within but couldn’t find out why.
To my rational brain, there wasn’t a reason to feel blue… and yet that’s exactly how I felt. But our emotions can’t always be as rational as we expect them to be.
Wanna know when I felt better?
I only felt better after allowing myself to feel sad.
The truth is, I’d been bothered with a particular problem for a while now, and that problem, apart from making me angry and disappointed, it also made me feel sad.
I just didn’t want to admit the sad part to myself. The sadness was hiding beneath all that anger and disappointed because hey, being sad for something means we care. And I didn’t want to admit to myself that I actually cared more than I thought!
So what did I do?
Well, I got a bit emotional at first and once I allowed myself to feel sad, it all just started pouring out of me. Wave after wave after wave. I couldn’t believe just how much I’d been carrying around!
I had a good cry, I admitted to myself what’s been hurting me and what’s the reason I respond so emotionally to a situation like that.
And guess what… in as little as an hour, ONE HOUR, I felt re-energized, like my old self.
All of that happened only after I allowed myself to feel SAD.
So see, that’s how sadness and happiness can coexist in harmony.
Feeling sad is great. It’s wonderful actually! It means that soon after, you’ll feel happy again!
What to do about it?
As you can see, I dealt with my sadness by crying.
Some people talk to their friends. Others journal. Some go for a run. Some call their therapist.
You choose what works for you.
It’s okay if you do different things on different occasions.
I felt like crying the other day and that did me good. Other times, I’ve called my friend and after talking for a few hours, I was as good as new.
The method doesn’t matter as much as acknowledging the emotion first.
Now, if you’re feeling a lot of different emotions and aren’t sure whether you’re sad or scared or angry, talking to yourself helps.
To decide whether you’re sad or not, do two things:
- Observe your body. Sadness has the ability to suck energy out of you, so if you’ve been procrastinating or just felt tired all the time, maybe do a quick self-check to make sure you’re allowing yourself to experience even the unpleasant emotions on the spectrum.
- Another thing I’ve found helpful is asking yourself reverse questions until you dig out the basic emotion underneath.
For example, what am I feeling right now? I’m feeling very, very angry.
What made me feel that emotion? My friends met up on a Friday night and I wasn’t invited.
Why does being invited matters so much to me? I care for my friends and I also don’t want feeling left out.
What happens if I feel that someone’s leaving me out? I get triggered because I have abandonment issues.
What’s the reason for my abandonment issues? My father left me when I was young.
And how did that make me feel? That made me feel sad.
BOTTOM LINE: I may feel angry towards my friends but that’s just a surface emotion. The core emotion I’m feeling is sadness!
This may be a dumb example but you see my point here. Just guide yourself through the process!
How to tell if sadness is more than just sadness?
So bottom line is, feeling something, even if that feels unpleasant, is good for you. LET YOURSELF FEEL. Give yourself permission to feel!
BUT BUT BUT! I feel obligated to say this!
Not all sadness is equal.
If you notice you’re feeling blue for longer periods of time without an obvious reason (you’re not grieving or dealing with a loss), then do something about it.
Let’s say, if during the last 5-6 months you’re more lethargic than usual, you don’t feel like doing anything, you’d rather stay home and do nothing – then talk to someone.
Be that a friend or a therapist, just find someone to talk to.
Remember, sadness is an emotion and emotions usually don’t last that long.
There’s no shame in acknowledging your feelings and talking openly about them, so please, just talk to someone. We all need a little push from time to time and I promise you that you’ll feel better soon!
Spot Your Emotional Baggage™. Don’t delay your chance to experience emotional release any further than today. from bernadette balla on Vimeo.
Intuition that something bad is going to happen: Why?
This has happened to me:
It’s just another day – and you’re there, doing your thing. Suddenly, you feel something’s off. Like really, really off.
You can’t put your finger to it – and you start to overthink.
Is something bad going to happen? Are your loved ones okay? Are you going to get hit by a bus on your way home?
Whatever you do, you can’t shake off this feeling. You start to believe your intuition is screaming to you. Damn, what is your gut trying to tell you so hard?
And then, as you make it home safely, it dawns on you: that wasn’t your gut talking. Nothing bad is going to happen. That’s just anxiety!
But how can you tell the two apart? How do you know whenever you have to listen to your gut – or completely ignore the chatter in your head?
Well, there are some signs you can use to never again let yourself get lost in troublesome thoughts.
Bear with me here to learn the difference between intuition and anxiety and get rid of your irrational thoughts once and for all.
Why do we confuse our gut feeling with anxiety?
Okay, so first things first:
People can confuse the two because honestly, they sound almost identical. You know, they sound the same in your head.
You recognize them as same – well, at least that’s what your rational mind does. But they don’t feel the same.
Notice the keyword there: feel.
You need to look at how that inner voice makes you feel to be able to distinguish between the two.
Intuition never feels scary – there are no feelings of panic coming with it. Intuition is always calm, assertive, and reassuring.
Still not sure how to tell the difference between intuition and anxiety?
It’s a fact:
Anxiety makes it harder to hear your inner voice.
But you can give your inner voice some clarity – even if you’re fighting with anxiety. Here are some tips to help you out!
1) Meditate, meditate, meditate!
I know – I’m probably boring you to death with this whole meditation thing. But honestly now – you can’t calm your anxiety nor sharpen your intuition if you don’t meditate.
Don’t worry about how long you manage to meditate – or whether you’re doing it right. Simply sit down, take a few deep breaths and stay in the moment.
If you’re really struggling to meditate, then I encourage you to try practicing mindfulness in other ways. You can try some adult coloring, knitting – or even baking.
Tip: Can’t calm the mind no matter how hard you try? Journal for a while and get all of the thoughts out of your head. There, meditating should be easier now!
2) Find the pattern
Anxiety usually comes with a pattern.
Something triggers you – and you get upset.
For example, you know how some people get anxious on Sunday – while others get panic attacks before major meetings.
It’s your job to be aware of that pattern. Discover your main triggers – maybe it’s your boss, maybe it’s your ex-boyfriend, maybe it’s your mom. Don’t obsess about it – just be aware of your emotional triggers.
Whenever you get drowned in worrying, check – are you sweating over one of your usual triggers? If the answer is yes, you may want to cut your intuition some slack – it’s not talking to you right now!
3) Do a reality check
Intuition isn’t only about the spiritual witchy woo. Intuition also means you’re able to fuse together past experiences & real-life knowledge with present-day emotions.
So, do exactly that – use your rational mind to calm down. Do a reality check.
Ground yourself back to the present moment. Take a deep breath – and look around.
Focus on the present moment. If you’re reading this, then you’re probably somewhere safe.
Talk to someone if you need to – preferably someone you trust. Once you say what you’ve been worrying about out loud, you’ll instantly know whether it’s been real gut talk or another panic attack.
4) Confusion means one thing only
Are you feeling confused after making a big decision? Well, hear this: 99.9% of the time, confusion means only one thing – anxiety.
The thing is, intuition never leaves you questioning – you always know. You’re always at peace with your decision.
Next time a question pops up in your head – followed by a million others – give yourself a break. You’re not getting into any real danger – you’re simply having anxious thoughts.
5) Watch the intensity of what you experience
Have you noticed how loud it gets in your head whenever you’re hit by anxiety? Well, anxiety is loud and pushy and generally unpleasant – it just totally overwhelms you.
On the other hand, intuition is more peaceful, soothing. I always describe intuition like a hug – whenever it talks to me, I get the same warm feeling I get from a hug.
Makes sense, right?
Oh, and intuition is never about the past or the future – it’s always about the present. Right here, and right now.
If you experience any extreme worry about what had been or what is going to come, then that’s not your gut – it’s anxiety trying to play tricks on you!
Are you having trouble telling the difference between anxiety and intuition? How do you deal with that?
Leave me a comment and let me know – I’d love to hear your experience!
February 22, 2021
What does full moon mean sexually?
The Moon’s Influence on a Woman’s body
How many times have you heard men making comments about how impulsive we women are? I bet at least a dozen. But only few of them know the real reason behind our sometimes unpredictable and moody behavior.
How would you react if I told you that our bad moods, poor self-esteem, sometimes sudden fatigue, nervousness and even emotional upheaval - all of these ups and downs in our bodies are actually controlled by the moon. Yes, you heard that right - they are controlled by the moon. And I’m excited to tell you more about your relationship to the moon.
We all are dependent on mother nature cycles, from the change between day and night, to the change of the seasons. But here comes the thing – women, unlike men, we are dependent on one more cycle: which is the month cycle. It starts with the first day of your menstruation and ends with the next one. Usually this cycle matches with the duration of the moon cycle, which lasts for 28 days – but not all the time. Did you know that the word ‘month’ is actually an Old English word for the Moon?
I was having this conversation with a friend about the connection we have with the Moon, and my friend kind of teased me saying if that’s true and we are really that dependent on the moon, then we all should have our cycle at the same time.
Long ago when we didn’t use contraceptives, didn’t have the option for abortion and lived in complete harmony with the cosmic rhythm, our menstrual cycle was completely aligned with all the phases of the lunar month.
Yes, in the past our cycle fully corresponded to the Moon cycle starting from the first phase of the moon – the new moon, going through the full moon and ending with the last phase – the waning moon.
Some of us have preserved this biological accuracy, but many women have their cycle a few days away from the moon’s cycle.
In this podcast I’m going to walk you through the moon phases, our relationship to them and we’ll see how we women and our personal calendars depend on them. I will help you understand the mysterious laws by which the moon guides your life, when you should be cautious because your health is vulnerable, what’s the best time to go on a diet so it has the best effect and how to use your spirits in each phase.
I’m starting with the New Moon – the first phase of the month cycle.
So, the New Moon is the period when our menstrual bleeding begins. For most of us this phase means a lot of discomfort, pains, bad moods. The first days of our cycle, which are under the sign of the very young Moon, are rarely nice and auspicious. In this time our bodies are at their lowest points of vitality. Our immunity weakens, sometimes we feel anxiety and inexplicable fear, and we have a tendency to depression.
Our health in the phase of New Moon is pretty shaky. The effect of drugs we take increases, but also does the risk of side effects. At new moon our bodies best absorb vitamins and minerals, especially magnesium, calcium and iron. That is why doctors recommend us to start any healing courses at the days of the new moon - for example, prophylactic intake of multivitamin complexes or immunostimulants. It is important to remember that during this period the body is vulnerable to all forms of poisoning - from insect bites to poisoning with products we have intolerances to.
The new moon phase even affects the way we take care of our appearance. Usually we are not really into taking much care of our appearance during new moon. But cosmetologists actually believe that this is the best period to take care of our skin with massages and moisturizing products.
But what about diets and does the New Moon really affect nutrition?
Well, that’s certainly the best time to start a strict diet, become a vegetarian or do a bowel cleansing. That’s because in the first phase, the process of fat accumulation intensifies and for this reason eating high-calorie foods is not the best thing to do. What you also might find interesting is that the young moon helps those who are determined to quit drinking or smoking too.
Okay, what you need to remember about the New Moon is that this is the time for us women to relax, meditate, focus more on going inwards and spend our time as much as we can in stillness.
Let’s see, how does the Full Moon, or the second phase of the month cycle affect us.
Full moon is the time when we have our post menstrual period, and it usually takes place between the 5th and the 14th day of our cycle. Our bodies become stronger, and our moods get better.
We feel light and charming.
When it comes to our health, that’s the phase of our ovulation, when the egg matures and releases from the ovary. During this time the ovaries release a large amount of estrogen – the hormone that regulates the maturation of the egg. What you might be interested to learn is that estrogen not only affects our sexuality but it also has a beneficial effect on cardiovascular activity and regulating the intake of calcium in our bones.
That is exactly the time when we are cheerful and joyous, and we are also very efficient when it comes to our work.
The full moon is also the best time for us to experiment with our appearance, like changing the make-up, or changing our hairstyle completely. It’s the best time to change what you’ve been thinking about but always got scared to do, like cutting your hair. It’s because, in Ayurveda , Full Moon is the time when we are at our strongest.
Full moon is also a great time for us to do healing fasting, and you can see that nutritionists highly recommend it exactly at this time. It’s because at full moon it has the best effect and we do it with less effort than in other times.
You should be brave in the period of the Full Moon because all the changes we make have a positive effect on us both when it comes to appearance and our spirits.
Okay, so let’s see the last phase of the month cycle, or the waning phase of the moon. Waning is when the moon gets smaller each day.
This is the time of our premenstrual period that takes place between the 15th and the 28th day.
At this phase we get easily annoyed and we often feel like crying. I am sure you recognize yourself in my words. We all go through this time when our spirits are low and we feel somehow weak.
Men sometimes make these comments how easily we engage in fights, and our moods change all the time. Well, it’s not really our fault! We are trying our best.
That’s the time when our body produces another hormone – progesterone, which prepares our body for becoming pregnant! The bad side is that at the same time it has a depressing effect on our psyche. Simply because if pregnancy hasn’t occurred by the 27th day of the menstrual cycle, ovaries stop secreting progesterone. Blood vessels respond with a sharp drop of this hormone, which is the reason behind the typical premenstrual headache.
So what you need to remember about the waning moon is that this is our time for evaluation and reflection, it’s when we should look at the negative aspects of our lives and focus on what we want to change.
Those are the three moon phases and cycles in our female calendar, so let me quickly review them.
First we have the New Moon when our bleeding starts. I would describe this time as a transition between winter and spring time because we are inwardly focused, we want to be left alone and in peace. And towards the end of this phase we enter the spring moods: when our bleeding stops and we metaphorically plant a seed for the next cycle.
The next cycle - ovulation, or Full Moon, is when our summer-like spirit shows up.
We are full of energy, creative, interested in our physical appearance, we are excited.
Then we have the last cycle or the waning moon. The autumn-winter feelings come in, and we can feel both positive and negative, depending on what we achieved during summer time. If we managed to change things we were planning to change for a long time, then at this phase, we would feel happy and satisfied, and if we couldn’t succeed in something we wanted to, then the disappointment spirits come in.
It’s actually in our own hands: if we recognize our spirits and the phases we are in, we can take great advantage of them and use them in our favor. That is why knowing the relationship between our cycle and the moon phases is so important for every woman.
Thank you for listening to my podcast – I’m Bernadette Bella, and today we spoke about the Moon’s Influence on the woman’s body. Follow me on Instagram and let me know what you think on this episode. Chat soon everyone.
