Teela Hudak's Blog, page 44

What is Abortion?

An abortion is a termination of a pregnancy. It stops the baby from continuing to grow and develop. In many cases, this is done through by medical professionals and the majority of abortions are completed in the first 10 weeks of pregnancy. When someone is considering this decision, counseling is often an important part of the process.

Types of Abortion

Most people make the assumption that there is only one type of abortion but there are actually three. There is therapeutic abortion, elective abortion, and spontaneous abortion.

Therapeutic abortion is usually performed in cases where there is a significant or life-threatening risk to the woman, the fetus, or both. Sometimes these are also performed if it is confirmed that the baby will be born with a severe genetic disorder or potentially fatal disease.

Elective abortions are ones that are a matter of personal choice. Typically the choice doesn’t include any of the medical reasons that would be considered for a therapeutic abortion. This type is usually the one most people think of when they think of abortions.

Spontaneous abortions are when the fetus is rejected by the body due to natural causes, an injury, or an accident. Usually, they occur without medical intervention and they are often referred to as a miscarriage.

Abortion Methods

When a medical intervention is required, there are two methods that can be used depending on the age and complications of the pregnancy. The first is an Early Medical Abortion (EMA).

An EMA is an option available up to the first nine weeks (or 63 days) of the pregnancy. This method brings about a miscarriage very similar to a spontaneous abortion. Two medications are used for an EMA that are taken two days apart. If the pregnancy is less than seven weeks (or 49 days) it may be possible to take both on the same day.

The medications are taken at the clinic and then the person is sent home. They are likely to experience heavy bleeding and cramps at the time of the miscarriage. It’s a good idea that the person has someone with them for support. This procedure is usually between 97%-99% successful. A final visit to the clinic for blood work is usually required.

The second method is a surgical abortion. These can be done up to twelve weeks and six days into the pregnancy. Surgical abortions require a stay at the clinic for one to three hours even though the procedure can take as little as three to five minutes.

Medicine is often given to help with pain. Some people report it being quite painful while others report not feeling anything. The procedure is usually 99% effective and can be repeated if it fails. A follow-up appointment will be scheduled for two weeks after the procedure.

Get the Facts About Abortion

No matter how you feel about abortion, whether or not it is something for you, it’s important that we learn the facts about it. As with other aspects of sexual education, it’s the things that we don’t know that can impact our choices. Stay educated and continue to expand your knowledge. It is the only way you will be able to make your own educated opinion. Join our mailing list for more great articles on different sex education topics!

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Creep Off Harassment Reporting Tool

Creep Off is a brand new pilot reporting tool to track harassment and catcalling on the street. It is launched by a Vancouver non-profit, Good Night Out Vancouver. This text-based service collects information about incidents of harassment. The hope is that collecting this information will lead to better support for women, members of the LGBTQ+ community, as well as other groups that are vulnerable to harassment and misconduct.

Good Night Out was founded in 2015 and strives to enhance the safety of patrons, particularly for women and the LGBTQ+ community, in Vancouver’s nightlife. GNO conducts regular audits of bars, clubs, and other late-night establishments to ensure that the care and safety of customers and staff is a priority.

How Does Creep Off Work?

To provide information, all you need to do is to text “creep off” to 778-800-3822 after witnessing or experiencing harassment or misconduct. This sets off an automated chain of questions that will ask for more detail about the location and nature of the incident.

All submissions will be kept anonymous but participants will be asked about their age and gender to help determine the demographics of people participating. In August, Good Night Out will analyze the data that’s been received and provide a report that can be used to improve programs that support victims of harassment.

The reporting can be done after the fact and when the situation is safe. It’s important to know that this service cannot provide any immediate help if someone is an unsafe situation. If help is immediately needed, please call 911. Creep Off is only a research tool at this time.

Is Harassment a Real Problem?

Some people may feel that harassment or cat-calling on the street is harmless. The reality is that it isn’t always. Sometimes these situations escalate into truly unsafe situations. The person on the receiving end of the harassment has no way of knowing how far the perpetrator will take it. It also violates their sense of personal space and autonomy. In most cases, the people who feel this behavior is harmless are usually perpetrators. People in vulnerable groups rarely profess this as harmless fun.

In other countries, such as the Netherlands, street harassment is now a criminal offense. Awareness has been raised by accounts like Instagram’s @dearcatcallers that documents perpetrators of harassment. This account started by posting photos of harassers with their catcalls for a whole bunch by just one woman. And these are just the photos of the men who agreed to pose for the photo with her. The amount was startling and took off in raising the awareness that led to the change of laws there.

The problem with a lot of harassment now is that it is so commonplace and yet underreported. Most people who experience don’t have a place to report it that will make any difference.

Make a Difference that Contributes to Safety

Program the Creep Off number into your phone. Encourage your friends to put it into theirs. If you experience or witness an incident, send the text and answer the questions. The more data we have about incidents of harassment, the more we can determine the best way to create safer spaces for everyone. Share this article and help spread the word!

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How Do I Get Tested?

Everyone has an STI status and it’s important for you to know yours. It’s a huge piece of being a sexually healthy and responsible adult. Getting tested on a regular basis will help you avoid any long-term health risks by helping you to address any problems quickly and before they cause any serious damage. It also helps you keep your sexual partner(s) safe as well by reducing the risks they have of contracting anything.

What kind of routine you have for getting tested should be dictated by your lifestyle. Whether you go once a year, before every new partner, or as frequently as once every three months, should be a personal choice that is in line with keeping yourself safe and healthy.

Getting tested doesn’t have to be a scary or anxiety-invoking experience. Just remember that no matter what the results are, you are taking important steps to protect your long-term health. Many people don’t like going to the dentist but we do it, all the same, to keep our mouths and teeth healthy. Getting tested is like going to the dentist…. for your genitals.

Where Do I Go to Get Tested?

When it comes to STI screening, you have lots of options of where you can go. If you have a family doctor, they can order the test for you. If you don’t have a family doctor, you can ask for the screening to be done at any walk-in clinic.

Another option is going to a sexual health clinic. If you’re feeling at all anxious about getting your screening done, a sexual health clinic may be the better way to go. Many of the professionals at these clinics are experienced with helping those with anxiety around STI screenings. They will also be almost guaranteed to have up to date information on sexually transmitted infections and be able to answer more complex questions. General practitioner doctors may be less prepared as they do not specialize in that information.

Finally, in some regions like BC, you have the option of requesting the exam from an online service. Get Checked Online is a website that allows you to create an account with an email. You will be able to create a lab form that you can take to a Life Labs participating location. You provide the samples they need for the tests and then your results will be available online to the account that you created.

What Happens During the Exam?

What occurs during the exam will depend on what sexually transmitted infections are being tested for. Tests can range from samples taken from a cheek or genital swab, urine, blood sample, or if any active symptoms are present. If you are testing for everything, you may need to provide one of each.

The tests break down in the following ways for each STI

Chlamydia
Chlamydia is usually tested for with a urine test or swab around the genitals. If you have had any unprotected oral or anal sex, a swab in these areas may be necessary as well. It is something you should mention to your health professionals. It is possible for the mouth or anus to be infected without urine samples testing positive.


Gonorrhea
Gonorrhea is tested for with urine or a swab around the genitals. Like chlamydia, gonorrhea can infect the mouth or anus without testing positive in urine. Be sure to discuss this with your healthcare professional if you have been having unprotected oral or anal sex.


HIV
HIV is tested for with a blood test or a swab inside the mouth.


Genital Herpes
Genital Herpes can be tested for with a blood test. If you are not showing any symptoms, be sure to ask for a specific IgG test and not an IgM test. If someone is experiencing symptoms, a swab can be taken off the infection area. If a test is being performed on an outbreak, it’s important that it occurs within 48 hours of the outbreak. As more time passes, the culture may not read accurately.


Syphilis
can be tested for with a blood test or sample taken from a sore.


Trichomoniasis
Trichomoniasis is tested for with a swab of the infected area, a physical exam, or a sample of discharge. It’s important to note that it’s harder to diagnosis trichomoniasis in penises than in vulvas.


HPV
HPV is typically only tested for in vulvas, although people with penises can be carriers. HPV can cause genital warts which are visually diagnosed. It can also cause cervical cancer which is typically found in abnormal cells found through PAP tests.



What the Doctor Refuses to Test Me?

If you have gone to a walk-in clinic or visiting your family doctor, sometimes it can happen that the doctor feels the test is unnecessary and that you are not at risk. It’s important that you fight for your basic rights to health care. STIs are a lot more common than most people believe. You are one of the best people to determine your level of risk as you are aware of what activities you have been engaged in and what safer sex methods have been utilized.

Getting tested more than once every three months is considered a bit redundant because many STIs take time to show in your system. Getting tested more than once every three months can be a waste of money and resources. Aside from this, no doctor should be refusing a screening.

It does happen though. I once argued with a walk-in clinic doctor for over half an hour because he believed that I was not at risk but I had gone in requesting a screening prior to starting a new relationship. Experiences like this can be off-putting and discouraging but if that happens, don’t let them stop you. As we have discussed, there are lots of options for getting tested. You can easily go to another clinic, go to a sexual health clinic, or try the online feature if its available in your region.

It’s your responsibility to look after your sexual health. Be sure to fight for your right to have regular screenings.

Getting the Results

Once the test is complete, it can take some time for the results to be in. Depending on where you are located and how busy the local lab is, results can be anywhere from a few days to up to 3 weeks.

An important thing to know is that results will never be given to you over the phone. It is against the clinics’ rules to release any sensitive information like that over the phone. In many cases, if the tests come back clear, the clinic simply will not contact you. If you wish to have a confirmation of results, you will have to make an appointment.

If the clinic does call you back, don’t panic. Sometimes the clinic may have found something else in your blood or urine that they may wish you to know about. Occasionally, this can be signs of another type of infection such as a urinary tract or bladder infection.

If you have tested positive for an STI, it is not the end of the world. You just need to take the next steps to restore yourself back to health. The doctor will walk you through the next steps. All you need to do is follow their instructions to the letter.

If you have tested positive, it’s important that you inform your sexual partners. They should also go in for a screening to find out if they are positive for the STI. If you are nervous about contacting previous partners, a lot of clinics have a courtesy program. If you provide the names and contact information they will discreetly contact any partners and ask them to come in for screening. They will not mention any names as to who identified them as a sexual partner. You can always discuss this with the clinic to see if they provide this courtesy service.

Take the Fear Out of Getting Tested

One of the easiest ways to take the fear out of getting tested is to establish it as a routine. It will only be scary the first couple of times you go. Each time you go, you will get more comfortable and be more at ease with the process. You can take charge of your sexual health and general health in a whole new way. You may also wish to consider having a friend that you go get tested with. Sometimes it can be easier to go with someone else. Share this article today and find yourself a buddy to go get tested with. Join our mailing list for more great articles and advice on ways to safeguard your sexual health and improve your sex life!

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What is Vaginal Sex?

Vaginal sex is what most people think of when they talk about sex. It is often primarily thought of as a penis entering a vulva and into the vagina but that is only one part of vaginal sex. It is actually the penetration of something into the vagina. The penetration could be from fingers, a penis, or a toy of some kind. All of these things count as vaginal sex.

Are There Any Risks to Vaginal Sex?

Anytime you have sex with someone, no matter what kind of sex, there are varying degrees of risk. People are at risk for contracting an STI or, in the case of penis penetration into the vagina, pregnancy. You can control the exposure to risks by being aware and making small adjustments to how you engage. What methods you choose should be based on your lifestyle and the circumstances. It’s important that you take proper precautions by using safer sex methods that work for you and your partner. If there are concerns about unwanted pregnancies, you and your partner may also wish to consider additional forms of birth control.

If you are in a committed and monogamous relationship, you may be less concerned about STIs. You and your partner should discuss how you wish to avoid or reduce the risks by discussing fluid bonding. Another solid measure to avoid sexually transmitted infections is ensuring that both you and your partner get tested regularly.

If you are enjoying sexy times with a range of people, or even just a one-night stand, you may wish to consider some different safer sex methods and include the use of barriers. Aside from just using condoms for penile penetration, you should discuss using barriers for other types of penetration. Condoms can be used on toys to keep them in good condition and make clean up easier. If penetration is happening just with fingers/hands, you might wish to consider using gloves. If the person using their hands has any cuts on their hands, or if their cuticles are in rough shape, some infections can be passed.

Does Vaginal Sex Hurt?

Vaginal sex should not hurt. Many people say that it hurts the person the first time it happens but this is not always the case. If a person is feeling relaxed, ready for penetration, and received a proper amount of stimulus through foreplay, vaginal sex should not hurt.

There are a lot of reasons why people with vulvas may feel tense during sex, particularly if it is their first sexual experience. Some people may feel nervous or anxious. Depending on how they were raised, a person may have some anxiety about engaging in sexual activities in general. Women, in particular, are socialized to believe that they should be modest and hold back when it comes to sex. This can impact their ability to relax when they do choose to participate.

Vaginal sex can hurt if there is a lack of adequate lubrication. The vulva has a natural tendency to self-lubricate. How much this occurs will vary from person to person. It can also vary across different situations. Foreplay can make a huge difference in levels of lubrication as well as the relaxation and enjoyment for the person who has the vulva. People with vulvas take longer to achieve orgasm than people with penises. Taking things slowly will help both people ease into it and make the experience more pleasurable.

Learn More to Enhance Your Sex Life

Vaginal sex is just one type of sex people participate in. Learning about the different ways people connect with each other can help you add creativity to your bedroom activities. A little knowledge helps but the more you know, the more you will be able to maximize pleasure for yourself as well as your partner. Join our mailing list for more great sex information and tips. You can also take a visit to our online shop for some must-read books and novelty items to add a bit of spice and fun to your life.

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Should You Practice Safer Oral Sex?

Is it really necessary to practice safer oral sex? A lot of people would argue that it really ruins the experience. It’s also a fairly common perception that there is no need for safer sex methods when engaging in oral sex. Since there is no risk of anyone getting pregnant when having oral sex, most people think that using protection isn’t important. There are more reasons than just potential pregnancies for using protection when engaging in oral sex. Unprotected sex of any kind still leaves you open to potential risks.

Unprotected Oral Sex Still Has Risks

Oral sex is still sex that interacts with cum. People may not get pregnant but they can still contract an STI. There are a number of STIs, like chlamydia, syphilis, herpes, HPV, or gonorrhea, that can infect your mouth and throat. Aside from the symptoms that come along with these infections, if they are left untreated they can develop into cancer. What’s scary about that as well is that people may not even know they have an STI if they haven’t gotten tested and don’t experience any symptoms or anything unusual.

The risk of unprotected oral sex is really underestimated and under-appreciated. It’s thought to be a really low risk of transmission but the truth is that we don’t actually know for sure. To date, there hasn’t been a lot of research conducted on the rates of STI transmission through oral sex.

What we do know is that unprotected sex has contributed to the mutation of certain STIs, like gonorrhea, to become stronger and resistant to antibiotics. Super gonorrhea has developed thanks to unprotected oral sex and so far we have had limited success curing it. Just another reason to engage in safer sex practices.

Safer Oral Sex Tips

One of the best ways to avoid risks from oral sex is to be prepared and engage in safer sex practices. There are a number of different kinds of condoms that can be used depending on who is performing oral sex on who. Which ones you choose should depend on your preference and tastes. Remember to ensure you are choosing a barrier specific for oral sex. Using condoms meant for intercourse could have lubes and spermicides that don’t belong in the mouth and will taste positively awful.

There is also flavored lubes available to assist in safer oral sex. Adding some on top of the barrier will add some taste for the person performing the oral sex. It can also help with lubricating to ensure there is enough moisture for oral to be performed comfortably.

Some lube can also be added underneath the barrier as well. This will give the person receiving the feeling of moisture that would normally be provided by saliva. It will add more sensation for the person receiving as well as help the tongue move the barrier across the genitals with ease. If you and your partner do this, ensure you choose a lube that won’t cause irritation on the genitals but also will not destroy the barrier. Oil-based lubes will cause latex barriers to disintegrate. It’s better to place a water-based lube underneath a latex barrier.

If you’re still not crazy about the idea of using barriers for oral sex, ensure you and your partner are getting tested before engaging in oral sex. If you are in a committed and monogamous relationship, you can choose to have a discussion about fluid bonding with your partner. It is still a good idea to get tested every once and a while but you and your partner will not have to go as frequently.

Practice Safer Oral Sex for Your Lifestyle

It’s important that you take the appropriate steps to protect your health. No one wants to get an STI or cancer or die. This doesn’t mean that you can’t have fun, it just means you need to accept some responsibility for your health and choose what level of risk you are comfortable with. Once you decide that, you can choose what safer oral sex practices you wish to engage in, if any. Knowledge about STIs can be scary, but it’s what you don’t know that can hurt you. Join our mailing list and always be informed of ways you can improve your sex life and protect your health. Also be sure to check out our store for some fun things to add to your collection today!

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Doug Ford Leave Comprehensive Sex Ed Alone!

Doug Ford is already sparking some controversy since being elected into office by vowing the repeal Ontario’s sex education program from schools. He says he intends to replace the Liberals’ updates to the curriculum. There have been no official reasons given as to what’s wrong with the currently more comprehensive program. Ford only says that the new curriculum didn’t consult parents enough and is not in in line with their best interests.

Prior to the new curriculum being introduced, there was a fairly substantial group of parents consulted. The new curriculum also received input from mental health organizations, parent groups, police, as well as child development professionals.

What Does the Ontario Sex Ed Program Currently Look Like?

So with this new system in place, what is it actually teaching kids in Ontario? The students are introduced to new concepts gradually and throughout the grades. The way it’s presented gives students the chance to interact with the information on an age appropriate level and also reduces the pressure of having the sex ed program take place all at once in one class.

Here is a break down of how the program is being taught at the different age levels

Grade 1: Students learn the proper names for body parts. There is some education and discussion around exploitative behaviors and feelings.
Grade 2: Students are taught about physical development and how the body changes over time
Grade 3: There is a discussion around same-sex relationships
Grade 4: Students are taught about the emotional and physical changes of puberty. They are also taught about abuse and bullying and how to stay safe when on the Internet or using technology
Grade 5: Students are taught about the reproductive systems. They learn about menstruation and how sperm are produced. There is also some discussion around emotional well-being and stress during puberty
Grade 6: Students are taught about stereotypes and assumptions. There is also discussion around masturbation as well as personal identity. The conversations around person identity delve into body image and gender identity as well.
Grade 7 & 8: Students are taught about anal and oral sex, contraception, prevention of STIs, sexual orientation, gender identity and expression, and sexting. They also cover sources of sexual health supports.

The current program is fairly comprehensive. It doesn’t cover everything but it covers a lot of aspects that young people need for the modern world.

What Will Doug Ford Replace it With?

There has been no official conversation on what Doug Ford has in mind in replacing the current system with. There is a lot of concern that it will be simply replacing with the older and less comprehensive education program.

The problem with this program is that it so outdated. Much of the information is out of date or no longer relevant for young people today. It is a program put in place when many people who are currently well into their adulthood were in grade school. The old programs relies heavily on scare tactics to push abstinence and does little to prepare young people for reaching their sexual maturity.

The Importance of Comprehensive Sex Education

Comprehensive sex ed is an important thing to be teaching our young people. When we arm young people with the proper knowledge, we are able to help them avoid harm. They can make informed choices and take proper care of their sexual health.

Research has shown that this method is more successful than the scare tactics employed by older theories of sex education. When sex education programs rely on scare tactics, they generally fail to teach young people adequately on how to engage in safer sex. This is often because of the fear that teaching young people about safer sex will result in them becoming more sexually active at a younger age. There is no research that actually supports that fear.

When young people are taught appropriately about the risks, encouraged to ask questions, and given the proper information about sex education, relationships, consent, gender, and everything else we are empowering them to make the right choices. Teens who have this information usually tend to delay sexual activity of their own choosing. It reduces the mentality of “that won’t happen to me”. It also helps people to be more sex positive.

Another important piece of comprehensive sex education is it is often the only time a number of people are taught about sex ed. As people get older, they may become embarrassed to ask or learn or may feel that they have received all the necessary information they need to know. They don’t take the time to learn more. If we have provided people with gaps in sex ed when they are young, we are not preparing them to be healthy and functional sexual adults.

Tell Doug Ford (And Those Like Him) We Need Comprehensive Sex Education!

Doug Ford is insisting that parents were not consulted on the new comprehensive sex education program. This is actually a false statement since parents, as well as a number of other groups, put feedback into the program. We need to stand up for our future generations and ensure that they are receiving the best education and information that is relevant and up to date. Share this article and add your voice to the call for comprehensive sex education! Join our mailing list for more great articles & stop by our online store and pick up something special today!

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What is Sexual Assault & What Can We Do?

Sexual assault can take many forms. The legal definition will change a bit from place to place but it is generally defined as any action that is sexual in nature and violates the sexual integrity of the victim. It is an unwanted and non-consenting action performed by one person on another. In many cases, sexual assault is defined by its lack of freely given consent. It is used as more of an umbrella term that includes a wide variety of unwanted actions.

What Actions Are Considered Sexual Assault?

Since sexual assault can be used as more of an umbrella term that can describe a number of different actions, what actions are considered to be sexual assault? Once again this may vary in legal definition from one place to another.

When we consider what sexual assault is, we take into account several factors.

The nature of the contact
The part of the body touched
Gestures or words that accompanying the act
Circumstances surrounding the act
Situation in which the contact occurred
Any threats that may or may not have been used

All of these things factor into the determination whether or not a particular action can be considered sexual assault. Actions, such as rape, are always sexual assault but not all sexual assault is rape. The definition can also include things like groping, fondling, or forcing the victim to perform other acts like oral sex.

Who Commits Sexual Assault?

Sexual assault can be committed by a person of any gender at almost any age. Perpetrators can be from any ethnic background as well. It is much more common for men to be perpetrators of sexual assault but that doesn’t mean that all perpetrators are men.

There is a common conception that the majority of offenses are committed by a stranger who is hiding in the bushes or attacks people in their homes. These kind of offenders tend to be the most extreme and most likely to attract more media attention. Their motives are more apparent and people are significantly more likely to report these kinds of attacks. The truth about them is though that they only make up a small percentage of known sexual assaults.

The majority of sexual assaults are committed by an offender who is known to the victim. It could be a romantic interest, a friend, a family member, coworker, babysitter, schoolmate, or anyone else who has an acquaintance with the victim. These kinds of assaults are severely under-reported. It is estimated that only approximately 10% of people come forward and report them. There are a lot of complex reasons why these assaults are less likely to be reported and it can be influenced by that prior relationship.

Who Falls Victim to Sexual Assault?

As with the realities of who can commit these horrible acts, anyone can fall victim to them. Some demographic groups, such as women or the trans community, suffer higher rates of assault than other groups. It still stands true that it could happen to anyone.

Victims of sexual assault are never asking for it. It is not their fault that the offender chose to commit terrible acts against them. It has nothing to do with what they were wearing, what they said, what their sexual or personal history is, or any other reason. It was the offender’s choice to refuse to take “no” for an answer.

Unfortunately, in many societies across the world there is a good deal of victim blaming that occurs. Instead of being focused on providing justice for victims, they can get harshly interrogated. There can be more focus on interrogating the victim than there is on finding or interrogating the offender. This is another reason why many sexual assaults are not reported. Victims feared being blamed after they have already been through a traumatic experience.

How Can We Create Change?

Sexual assault is a real problem. In Canada, 1 in 4 women will experience an assault in their lifetime. The numbers vary across the US but it is an estimated 1 in 5 for the whole country. And once again, these numbers are based on actual reports received. So what do we do? How do we stop this?

Awareness is a large piece of the start to change. Conversations and movements like #MeToo have already had an impact on changing the level of general awareness in society. We need to keep raising that awareness. We need to keep the conversation around the problem in the spotlight on social media and our lives.

Education is another huge piece in creating change. As people become aware of the problem, they need to be able to access appropriate materials to educate themselves and others. No fake news, no false facts but real information based on current research and conversation. More resource material needs to be available to the public. We need more books like “Got Consent?” that educate and explore consent. The more people truly come to understand the concept of consent and how to apply it in their lives, the less we will have a problem with assault. Certain places have already had success reducing their rates of sexual assault by up to 50% by simple educational programs on consent.

Lastly a powerful way to promote change is by supporting victims and survivors. We need to create safe spaces where people can feel comfortable coming forward to make reports, getting support, and accessing services that will help them move past the traumatic event. If we can move away from victim blaming and start victim supporting, we can turn the focus to offenders. If we put our focus on offenders we can determine why these assaults take place, prosecute the guilty, and stop future assaults from occurring.

Sexual Assault is a Real Problem But You Can Be Part of the Solution

The sexual assault problem will only get worse if we close our eyes and pretend it doesn’t happen. It’s what we have done, for the most part, as a society so far and all we have seen is the number of assaults continue to climb over the years. You can easily be part of the solution by educating yourself and those in your life. You can be part of the solution that saves another person from experiencing trauma and pain. Share this article with people in your life. Sign up for our mailing list to continue to expand your knowledge and expertise. Be part of the solution today, not tomorrow when things may be worse.

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What is BDSM?

BDSM stands for Bondage, Discipline/Dominant, Sadism/Submissive, and Masochism. It often refers to a collection of activities that are considered kinky. BDSM can be used to add some spice to sexual activities. Many scenarios use informed consent to exchanges in power and can include a variety of toys or objects. Sometimes people incorporate pain elements to their play time but that is not always an objective or requirement. It’s a very personal choice.

Is BDSM Normal?

There is nothing obscene or evil about the practice of BDSM. It is nothing to be ashamed of and people who participate in it are perfectly normal. As with any community, there may be a few people who experience some mental health concerns but that would not characterize the majority of people.

Kinky play is a lot more common than most people think. There is no right or wrong when addressing what is appealing to consenting adults. Our world is very diverse in a lot of different ways and diversity is what keeps the world growing. It’s perfectly natural for people to be diverse in their tastes as well.

For a long time, society has conditioned us to believe that we should be modest and plain in our sexual expression. People were highly encouraged to see sex as only necessary for reproduction. These ideas are still visible and pushed in our society today. It varies from place to place and community to community but the roots of those teachings are still present.

BDSM encourages us to explore and connect with our partners on different levels to find different kinds of pleasure. It is truly a sex positive practice that embraces the idea that people can be attracted to a variety of sexual activities.

How Do People Practice BDSM Safely?

Depending on what kind of kinky activities people are interested in, there may be some risk involved. An important piece of the BDSM lifestyle is having the knowledge about things that interest you before jumping in. A huge piece in safety is learning about the potential risks and best common safety practices for each type of kinky activity. When you are new to something, you don’t always think about all the different things that could happen in a given scenario. Things may come up that you wish you had known to avoid or you may miss out on a method that would really enhance the experience for you.

When we start exploring other things in our lives, be hobbies or new skills, we often learn about it from others. Sometimes we read about it, other times someone may teach or show us. This helps us learn the best practices for our new skill. It cuts down the learning curve and keeps us from harm or wasting money. Learning about BDSM is no different. Taking the time to put some research in can be the difference between enjoyment and having an unpleasant experience. It’s important to take the time to learn about kinks your interested in.

You will be able to prepare best by finding out what others have done or do in those activities. Once you have the proper knowledge, you and your partner can best determine how you want to avoid any risks or unwanted outcomes from exploring your interests. There are plenty of books and reputable websites that can also help offer you guidance as you explore new desires and interests. You can also join community events or online forums to meet people who can help offer advice for resources and techniques.

How is BDSM Explored Consentually?

The other major piece to exploring BDSM safely is ensuring that you have open communication with your partner. There should be conversation around consent, safewords, and any concerns either person has. Clear communication is key as it is with many other aspects of relationships. You and your partner need to be clear with each other when discussing what you both are comfortable with and interested in. No one should be pushed into trying something they are really not interested in.

You and your partner should be well informed of any potential risks or unwanted outcomes of your sexual interests from reading about it and discussing it with each other. From there you can have that conversation and make some informed decisions about if you actually wish to try it and where the limits are for how far you want it to go. It’s common practice in BDSM, to set up a safeword or series of safewords. These are words that are agreed upon before you and your partner begin to play. They are meant as a fail safe to automatically and clearly indicate a desire to end a play session without question or negotiation. If you and your partner are role playing a fantasy where one person wants to “protest” or fight against the activity, this can be a way to ensure that consent is obvious and maintained. It creates a safe space to ignore common stop words such as “no” and use the agreed upon safeword as the way to withdraw consent.

Don’t Be Afraid to Explore Your Sexuality

Exploring BDSM with your partner may be a wonderful way to learn more about yourself and your partner. It only needs to go as far as you are comfortable with and want it to go. The point is to be comfortable and secure in your sexuality. Getting comfortable is one step closer to more satisfying sex. Join our mailing list for more articles and advice on how to improve your sex life. You should also stop by our online shop today to pick up something a little scandalous for you or someone special in your life!

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Kamloops Schools Create Task Force to Increase Student Safety

In the wake of a series of allegations that have been coming forward, Kamloops schools are looking at updating their policies and education around consent issues. There are been a two young women who have come forward to report instances of being gropes, kissed, or struck by boys at their school. After these events, parents are wondering what is being done.

Creation of a Task Force

When interviewed, the superintendent said she was “personally shaken by the reports”. The school board is responding by creating a safety task force. The task force will work to update existing protocols and policies around sexual misconduct and harassment.

The school board is starting to acknowledge the gap in support provided to staff and students on responding to cases of sexual harassment and assault. The task force has already released its first set of recommendations which involves calling for more staff training as well as educational consent programs for students. There are also updated protocols for informing parents and authorities of incidents in a more timely fashion.

The task force will continue to work on creating solutions including looking at ways to increase student comfort in reporting any incidents.

Tackling Consent Issues on All Fronts

There are a lot of deeper issues when we are talking about solving problems around consent, sexual harassment, misconduct, and abuse. Many of these problems stem from a fundamental lack of understanding and a general attitude about what is ok and what is not.

We are at an interesting tipping point with consent in our society. Thanks to many of the conversations that are happening because of the #MeToo Movement, we are expanding our knowledge and redefining what are the limits. These conversations need to keep happening. We need to continue to educate ourselves, our families, our children, and our friends.

Changing things on a large scale takes time. People need time to educate and digest new information and decide how it fits into their world. Societal attitudes will shift when enough people have had their assumptions challenged and been given a chance to go through this process.

The Task Force is One Step in the Process

The school board creating the safety task force is an important step to raising awareness and challenging perceptions around sexual misconduct. If we can teach people at young ages the importance of consent then we are already making wonderful strides for future generations. Arm yourself with knowledge by grabbing a copy of “Got Consent?“. This book thoroughly covers a lot of the grey areas around consent that people really struggle with. Get yours today and have a handy resource to educate yourself and others. Join our mailing list for more great articles and guidance!

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When Can Consent be Withdrawn?

When is it ok for consent to be withdrawn in a given situation? Is there a point of no return where a person must simply follow through? No matter who you speak to, everyone will have a different opinion about this aspect of consent. There are a lot of different opinions based on people’s experiences and their upbringing but the truth is that most people haven’t really learned about consent. Most people have not taken the time to learn about and explore the topic. They feel they have a good understanding just because they have a basic understanding. Research actually shows that most people aren’t able to correctly identify the finer points of consent. This is why it’s important we continue to have the discussions exploring the different aspects of consent. So when can consent be withdrawn?

So When Can Consent be Withdrawn?

The important thing to know is that consent can always be withdrawn. People are allowed to change their minds, reconsider the decision, even stop what’s currently happening and put an end to it. Sure it may not be a lot of fun if you want to keep going and your partner doesn’t but they still have the right to choose to stop and withdraw their consent. They are not under any obligation to continue going.

In other areas of our life, we don’t expect people to follow through on pleasure activities that they are not enjoying. Say two people agreed to go play a game of racket ball. They start playing and one person decides they aren’t really enjoying the game. Maybe their mood changed, or they weren’t feeling well, or maybe they really didn’t enjoy how competitive or noncompetitive the other player was being. They still have the choice to exit playing the game. We would consider it pretty bad etiquette to get if someone would get into a huff over the other person wanting to exit the game. We wouldn’t take kindly to being pressured into continuing. It’s likely we wouldn’t consent to playing with that person again.

The same is true when talking about sex. Just because two people may agree to have sex doesn’t mean that either of them should expect that the other person will again just because they said yes once. And if someone wishes to stop and reverse their consent after giving it, that needs to be respected. Sure, the other person may be upset if they were enjoying it and really into what was happening but at the end of the day, their enjoyment should not take priority over the discomfort of someone else. Period.

Can Consent Be Withdrawn Long After the Act?

The ability to change your mind and withdraw your consent is an important aspect of what it means to have real consent. There are a number of reasons why someone may wish to change their mind on engaging in an activity. It is up to each person to decide where that line is for themselves and communicate it but can consent be reversed well after the activity is over?

If two people engage in sexual fun and consent was obtained at that time, how long does a person have to reverse that consent? Would it be acceptable to say the next day, or after a few weeks, that consent for that particular interaction has been reversed? That the interaction was no longer consensual?

Sexual consent is an agreement to engage in mutually pleasurable activities for a period of time. The period of time varies wildly depending on the interest of the people involved, whether it is for a single moment, night, or an ongoing relationship. How consent evolves is always an ongoing process. A process that negotiates for the current moment and the future. If consent has already been given, people need to be able to trust the words at face value in the same fashion that they should be respecting whether consent was given in the first place. People need to be able to trust that their partner will communicate and withdraw consent if needed. If people cannot trust the word of consent that was freely given, then it is meaningless.

Consent can be withdrawn. It is reversible in the moment that things are happening. It can communicate the desires for the future. It cannot change the past. Consent was freely given or it was not.

Consent Creates Trusting & Supportive Relationships

Consent is all about respect. We are respecting the decisions and rights a person makes over their own body. When we respect these things, the other person feels heard, respected, and cared for. It is one of the best ways we can show someone how much we care for them and their well being. It will deepen our connection with our partners and build a stronger foundation of trust within the relationship. Consent is truly key. Share this article with your partner and friends and pass on the wisdom that will make all of our lives better. Join our mailing list to continue to expand your knowledge and put you on the journey to better sex and relationships today. You can also visit our shop and pick up your own copy of “Got Consent?” which will guide you through all the finer aspects of understanding consent. Get yours today!

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