Teela Hudak's Blog, page 42

By the Power of Penis! Exploring the Link Between Masculinity & Penis Size

It’s not hard to find a reference to masculinity and penis size. In North America, and many cultures across the world, there is a pre-occupation with the concept that a larger penis means more masculinity and power. Many insults, as well as compliments, play into this idea. We hear it when people criticize a person for their actions by suggesting they have a small dick. Or when someone has done something brave that others admire, they are referred to as “having some serious balls”. It’s highly ingrained in our language and perspectives but where did this link come from? And what implications does it have for our overall happiness?

Masculinity & Penis Size: Why Are We Stuck On This Idea?

The link between masculinity & penis size rests on a few key ideas. Traditionally masculinity is often associated with strength and aggression. People who have these traits can be seen of as “more of a man”. From an evolutionary standpoint, it makes sense why our thoughts about masculinity evolved this way. In the history of our species, stronger and more aggressive males would have been able to defend and provide for their mates and any children. Evolution has favored this aggression by allowing their genetic traits to be passed on to future generations.

When we look at the animal kingdom we see other examples of this in action. It is well noted among the different species of apes that those who have larger testicles are more highly aggressive than the apes who do not. Research suggests that this is because the larger testicles also come with higher levels of testosterone. Testosterone is responsible for many things in the bodies of men. It regulates the sex drive, fat distribution within the body, muscle mass, strength, bone mass, as well as the production of sperm and red blood cells.

All the things that testosterone controls are linked to common and traditional ideas of what masculinity looks like. So if we think about it, makes a certain amount of sense that we would associate larger penises with masculinity.

How Does This Impact Us in the Modern Day?

Evolution happens slowly and over long periods of time. Thanks to the development of culture and technology, things are not impacted in the same way. Natural selection evolution does not have the same hold over humanity in the way it did in the history of our species. Our society has changed us and how we interact but we are still dancing to the tune of evolution based on centuries before us. It is not necessary for men to be hunters, protectors, and providers. So where does that leave us?

With the evolutionary drive still present but no outlet for its original purpose, the outlet for it has changed. In some ways, this change has not done us any favors. The traditional ideas of strength and aggression end up being expressed in other ways.

In our modern day world, masculinity can be easily and often called into question. Many men feel the need to prove their prowess and strength. No one wants to be seen as less or diminutive. Often this need ends up being expressed through aggression and violence. In many cultures, there is a high level of violence from men towards men as well as other groups. Male perpetuated violence is a serious problem. It’s also a problem that impacts everyone, not just men.

How Does All This Impact Male Security?

Many men worry about the size of their penis. There is a whole industry centered around quick fix ways to convince men that they can make their penis larger even though many of them don’t work. Some forms of erectile dysfunction are rooted in feelings of inadequacy and anxiety over penis size.

The traditional ideas of masculinity create a fragile sense of ego for many men. Some men can’t handle any perceived challenges to their masculinity. Other men suffer from low self-esteem and self-worth because they don’t see themselves as masculine at all.

The difficult thing about both these situations is that traditional ideas of masculinity don’t give men a way to ask for help. If a man is struggling with mental health, self-esteem, or body dimorphism not only are there fewer resources available but the guy in question may be less likely to reach out. They may see seeking help as a further blow to their sense of masculinity. So how do we help men overcome these challenges?

Redefining Masculinity

Many traditional ideas and concepts that we have held onto as a society were created by past generations. They continued to be passed along through generations often because people see it as the way things have always been. The problem with this is that these traditions were created in a time when things were totally different. It may have made sense then but does it make sense now? Does the hunter/gatherer perspective of masculinity make sense in today’s age?

We need to re-evaluate what we think of masculinity and what it means. As a society, we are already starting to re-think some of these concepts. Acknowledging the existence of toxic masculinity is one way we have begun to explore new concepts and ways of thinking about masculinity.

By exploring these new ideas we can redefine what makes sense for masculinity in today’s world. We can give men the freedom and rights to express their emotions without being seen as less masculine. We can give men the freedom to accept help for mental and emotional problems. All of these things will eventually lead to less male perpetrated violence.

Don’t Get Too Hung Up on Masculinity & Penis Size

The link between masculinity & penis size is something many of us were raised with. One of the wonderful things about getting older is the ability to develop critical thinking skills and challenge the status quo. Just because something has always been a certain way doesn’t mean that it’s right. Don’t be afraid to challenge your own assumptions.

Enjoyed this article? Join our mailing list for more fabulous articles on sex, sexual health, gender, relationships, and consent. Build your knowledge to improve your sex life and have better relationships. You can also check out what we currently have available for online courses also check out our ongoing and upcoming events. You should also check out our online shop for some unique and special items. We have some thought-provoking as well as scandalously fun stuff there. Lastly, if you’re looking for more fun content, join our Sexy Hero Society for exclusive and excellent content!

The post By the Power of Penis! Exploring the Link Between Masculinity & Penis Size appeared first on Explore Sex Talk.

Everyone is a Sex Expert

This content is for Champion, Hero, Partner, Protege, Superhero and Ward members only. Visit the site and log in/register to read.

The post Everyone is a Sex Expert appeared first on Explore Sex Talk.

Should I Play Hard to Get?

Some people think that it’s necessary to play hard to get. But what does that actually mean? When we are talking about dating and relationships, this usually refers to putting up some resistance to the attention given by another person. The attention may be their pursuit of a relationship or simply interested in a casual sexual encounter. Either way, it’s seen as someone offering up a fight but secretly wanting to give in to the desire and attention of the other person. The belief is that the person wants to be pursued. Sometimes this is also called token resistance because the resistance that they offer isn’t really meant. So if they are going to consent, why do people play hard to get in the first place?

Why Do People Play Hard to Get?

There are a number of different reasons why people may play hard to get. Everyone has their own personal reasons for choosing to put up some resistance but research has narrowed down the three most common reasons people do it.

The first reason is based on concerns of reputation and appearance. Particularly for women, there is a fear of appearing promiscuous, slutty, and therefore not worthy of respect. Someone may wish very badly to enjoy themselves. The problem is that they can have very valid concerns about how that will make them look to their family, friends, or the rest of their community. Every person wants to be respected and valued for who they are. It’s an understandable reaction to want to protect ourselves from scrutiny. Particularly for those who live in areas where sex is viewed negatively, this can be a really strong force of reason to play hard to get.

Another explanation for playing hard to get comes from moral beliefs. This ties into the last reason as well. When these beliefs are coupled with not wanting our reputations to be damaged with our peers, it can become a much stronger and driving force. Morality is heavily influenced by culture, religion and personal beliefs and it can vary widely in what is considered to be ethical and proper behavior. There are some communities, religions, and areas of the world where sex is considered bad or sinful. It is uncomfortable for most of us to consider ourselves bad people and when we are confronted with feelings contrary to our moral beliefs it can lead us to deny or rationalize our feelings. Token resistance can offer people a way to participate in something they want while reducing any negative emotions brought up by moral beliefs.

The last more common reason why people play hard to get comes up relates to power and control. The person who is putting up a “fight” is usually not the person who initiated the sexual contact. Many who believe in playing hard to get do not follow many of the principles that define consent and only see consent as a blanket permission instead of an ongoing process. By employing this technique, a person can feel that they may have regained control over the situation and can have a say in what activities happen. It can give them a position to bargain from. If they had simply submitted to the initiation of contact, they may feel that they have less or control over what happens next or at all for the remainder of the encounter.

How Many People Actually Play Hard to Get?

If we look at popular literature, film, and media then most people would guess that this is a pretty common thing that everyone is doing. It’s often depicted as the sexy way to show someone you’re interested. Men may also be more likely to believe that women are more interested in sex than they actually are and this belief ties into the notion that putting up some resistance is normal behavior.

While the idea that token resistance is something everyone engages in, different studies have shown that only up to 39% of women have reported using token resistance. That’s less than half of women that will play hard to get. Less than half is a seriously far cry from something apparently everyone is thought to engage in. This makes it a dangerous misconception that can lead to a lot of miscommunication with some potential life-altering consequences.

There is nothing wrong with playing games to tease and delight and for some, putting up resistance can be fun. The important thing is to make sure everyone is actually playing. The idea that it is better to beg forgiveness than getting permission does not serve people well when talking about sex. Would you want to be thought of as a sexy rebel after discovering that you misread the situation and your partner feels completely violated? That you are responsible for emotionally scarring someone else? The rest of the world sincerely hopes that you would not. If two people enjoy playing the game and saying “no” is fun then that should be established. It should be a discussion. There should also be some other signal or word to stand in for the real meaning of “no”. This ensures consent can still be respected if one person still wants to decline the activities.

Should I Play Hard to Get?

For those who are engaging in this behavior, you need to ask yourselves what you are really gaining from it. You may wish to examine the reasons why you feel it’s necessary to do it. Do you find it fun? Are you concerned about what others might think of you? That they will fail to respect you if you agree immediately? Are you concerned about your reputation? Do you feel that this particular tryst is sinful? All these questions are things that you should be able to answer about each sexual liaison. They may also be reasons why engaging in sexual activity at that time may not be a good idea. If you are having second doubts about participating, then perhaps you are not ready to participate. Remember, sexual consent is about more than desire. We have a number of other important pillars to consider. If this is your only chance with someone, and you’re still hedging, is it worth it? You may wish to consider just giving up the opportunity. It may not be the right time for you and it’s better to commit enthusiastically than regret it later.

If you are enthusiastically consenting but still sending out those mixed signals, you need to be aware of the message you are sending. You are outright sending the message that the other person does not need to respect you or the words you say. You are giving away the power you have over your own body and solidifying the message that you are an object to be used for the enjoyment of someone else. If that idea holds appeal to you, there is a time and a place for those kinds of games and, once again, it’s important to communicate clearly and ensure that everyone is playing. Without that communication, you risk sending the idea that this is true for every sexual encounter they have with you or even that your words and preferences are not important in other areas of life. If you mean “yes”, say it. Be clear. No matter how you feel about it for yourself, consider how that impacts others.

When you engage in the culture of token resistance, you are teaching people that “no” means “yes”. Token resistance helps create the atmosphere where people may not feel safe to enforce and stand by their refusal. The typical response when someone believes the other person is playfully resisting is to become more aggressive. To refuse to take “no” for an answer. The more a person resists, the more angry and aggressive the other person becomes. This is often portrayed as strong and sexy. The reality is it can be terrifying for the person who actually wants to walk away. They are not playing and just wish to get out of the situation. Their attempts at exits can quickly escalate into a situation where it may not be safe to walk away. They give in because it may become the only safe and perceivable option.

Preserve Consent When Playing Hard to Get

A common defense in rape cases is the accusation that the victim actually wanted it. That they really meant “yes” and many attackers have believed this. This type of victim blaming is a huge reason why many people are reluctant to come forward and report the assault. People can feel re-victimized by the system or come to believe that there’s no use in reporting it because no one will believe they meant “no” anyways. All of these problems grow from the idea that “no” means “yes”. The fact that a little less than half the population still believes in this idea perpetuates many of these issues. When you teach someone that your words don’t need to be respected, you contribute to the culture that justifies rape. Your feigned resistance may be the lesson that leads to someone else’s sexual assault. Create a safer space for everyone. Don’t use token resistance. Don’t be part of the problem. If you are not enough of an adult to use your words to say what you want, you are not enough of an adult to be having sex. Period.

If you enjoyed this article, join our mailing list for more great info. You can also support us by joining us on our Patreon Page or by visiting our online store. Share this article on your favorite social network as well today and spread the word of consent and sex education!

The post Should I Play Hard to Get? appeared first on Explore Sex Talk.

Should I Play Hard to Get?

Some people think that it’s necessary to play hard to get. But what does that actually mean? When we are talking about dating and relationships, this usually refers to putting up some resistance to the attention given by another person. The attention may be their pursuit of a relationship or simply interested in a casual sexual encounter. Either way, it’s seen as someone offering up a fight but secretly wanting to give in to the desire and attention of the other person. The belief is that the person wants to be pursued. Sometimes this is also called token resistance because the resistance that they offer isn’t really meant. So if they are going to consent, why do people play hard to get in the first place?

Why Do People Play Hard to Get?

There are a number of different reasons why people may play hard to get. Everyone has their own personal reasons for choosing to put up some resistance but research has narrowed down the three most common reasons people do it.

The first reason is based on concerns of reputation and appearance. Particularly for women, there is a fear of appearing promiscuous, slutty, and therefore not worthy of respect. Someone may wish very badly to enjoy themselves. The problem is that they can have very valid concerns about how that will make them look to their family, friends, or the rest of their community. Every person wants to be respected and valued for who they are. It’s an understandable reaction to want to protect ourselves from scrutiny. Particularly for those who live in areas where sex is viewed negatively, this can be a really strong force of reason to play hard to get.

Another explanation for playing hard to get comes from moral beliefs. This ties into the last reason as well. When these beliefs are coupled with not wanting our reputations to be damaged with our peers, it can become a much stronger and driving force. Morality is heavily influenced by culture, religion and personal beliefs and it can vary widely in what is considered to be ethical and proper behavior. There are some communities, religions, and areas of the world where sex is considered bad or sinful. It is uncomfortable for most of us to consider ourselves bad people and when we are confronted with feelings contrary to our moral beliefs it can lead us to deny or rationalize our feelings. Token resistance can offer people a way to participate in something they want while reducing any negative emotions brought up by moral beliefs.

The last more common reason why people play hard to get comes up relates to power and control. The person who is putting up a “fight” is usually not the person who initiated the sexual contact. Many who believe in playing hard to get do not follow many of the principles that define consent and only see consent as a blanket permission instead of an ongoing process. By employing this technique, a person can feel that they may have regained control over the situation and can have a say in what activities happen. It can give them a position to bargain from. If they had simply submitted to the initiation of contact, they may feel that they have less or control over what happens next or at all for the remainder of the encounter.

How Many People Actually Play Hard to Get?

If we look at popular literature, film, and media then most people would guess that this is a pretty common thing that everyone is doing. It’s often depicted as the sexy way to show someone you’re interested. Men may also be more likely to believe that women are more interested in sex than they actually are and this belief ties into the notion that putting up some resistance is normal behavior.

While the idea that token resistance is something everyone engages in, different studies have shown that only up to 39% of women have reported using token resistance. That’s less than half of women that will play hard to get. Less than half is a seriously far cry from something apparently everyone is thought to engage in. This makes it a dangerous misconception that can lead to a lot of miscommunication with some potential life-altering consequences.

There is nothing wrong with playing games to tease and delight and for some, putting up resistance can be fun. The important thing is to make sure everyone is actually playing. The idea that it is better to beg forgiveness than getting permission does not serve people well when talking about sex. Would you want to be thought of as a sexy rebel after discovering that you misread the situation and your partner feels completely violated? That you are responsible for emotionally scarring someone else? The rest of the world sincerely hopes that you would not. If two people enjoy playing the game and saying “no” is fun then that should be established. It should be a discussion. There should also be some other signal or word to stand in for the real meaning of “no”. This ensures consent can still be respected if one person still wants to decline the activities.

Should I Play Hard to Get?

For those who are engaging in this behavior, you need to ask yourselves what you are really gaining from it. You may wish to examine the reasons why you feel it’s necessary to do it. Do you find it fun? Are you concerned about what others might think of you? That they will fail to respect you if you agree immediately? Are you concerned about your reputation? Do you feel that this particular tryst is sinful? All these questions are things that you should be able to answer about each sexual liaison. They may also be reasons why engaging in sexual activity at that time may not be a good idea. If you are having second doubts about participating, then perhaps you are not ready to participate. Remember, sexual consent is about more than desire. We have a number of other important pillars to consider. If this is your only chance with someone, and you’re still hedging, is it worth it? You may wish to consider just giving up the opportunity. It may not be the right time for you and it’s better to commit enthusiastically than regret it later.

If you are enthusiastically consenting but still sending out those mixed signals, you need to be aware of the message you are sending. You are outright sending the message that the other person does not need to respect you or the words you say. You are giving away the power you have over your own body and solidifying the message that you are an object to be used for the enjoyment of someone else. If that idea holds appeal to you, there is a time and a place for those kinds of games and, once again, it’s important to communicate clearly and ensure that everyone is playing. Without that communication, you risk sending the idea that this is true for every sexual encounter they have with you or even that your words and preferences are not important in other areas of life. If you mean “yes”, say it. Be clear. No matter how you feel about it for yourself, consider how that impacts others.

When you engage in the culture of token resistance, you are teaching people that “no” means “yes”. Token resistance helps create the atmosphere where people may not feel safe to enforce and stand by their refusal. The typical response when someone believes the other person is playfully resisting is to become more aggressive. To refuse to take “no” for an answer. The more a person resists, the more angry and aggressive the other person becomes. This is often portrayed as strong and sexy. The reality is it can be terrifying for the person who actually wants to walk away. They are not playing and just wish to get out of the situation. Their attempts at exits can quickly escalate into a situation where it may not be safe to walk away. They give in because it may become the only safe and perceivable option.

Preserve Consent When Playing Hard to Get

A common defense in rape cases is the accusation that the victim actually wanted it. That they really meant “yes” and many attackers have believed this. This type of victim blaming is a huge reason why many people are reluctant to come forward and report the assault. People can feel re-victimized by the system or come to believe that there’s no use in reporting it because no one will believe they meant “no” anyways. All of these problems grow from the idea that “no” means “yes”. The fact that a little less than half the population still believes in this idea perpetuates many of these issues. When you teach someone that your words don’t need to be respected, you contribute to the culture that justifies rape. Your feigned resistance may be the lesson that leads to someone else’s sexual assault. Create a safer space for everyone. Don’t use token resistance. Don’t be part of the problem. If you are not enough of an adult to use your words to say what you want, you are not enough of an adult to be having sex. Period.

Enjoyed this article? Join our mailing list for more fabulous articles on sex, sexual health, gender, relationships, and consent. Build your knowledge to improve your sex life and have better relationships. You can also check out what we currently have available for online courses also check out our ongoing and upcoming events. You should also check out our online shop for some unique and special items. We have some thought-provoking as well as scandalously fun stuff there. Lastly, if you’re looking for more fun content, join our Sexy Hero Society for exclusive and excellent content!

The post Should I Play Hard to Get? appeared first on Explore Sex Talk.

Audio File: How to Get Tested

This content is for Champion, Hero, Partner, Protege, Superhero and Ward members only. Visit the site and log in/register to read.

The post Audio File: How to Get Tested appeared first on Explore Sex Talk.

Is Fighting in a Relationship Healthy?

Can fighting in a relationship be healthy? A certain amount of conflict is natural and to be expected. It doesn’t matter what kind of relationship we have with a person, conflict will occur at some point. This will also be true for our romantic partners. So if fights occur naturally, why do we worry about it in our relationships?

When we have a close, romantic relationship with someone, we can have more intense reactions to conflict with them. It makes the fights more intense. It can also make us question our relationships and whether or not our partner is the right person for us. So how can we tell good fights from bad ones? Too much fighting over not enough?

What Causes Fights and Why Do They Get So Heated?

How often we fight with our partner will range on a variety of factors. It can be influenced by things like the temperament of each person or how their life beliefs and experiences compare to each other. Everyone is influenced by their history and past relationships. All of this comes together to form a complex picture of how each person reacts in a relationship. As our relationships develop, we can fall into certain patterns with our partners. Sometimes these patterns can cause tension and conflict for us.

Fighting with our partner can feel much more intense than fights we have with anyone else because of our sense of vulnerability. Most of us feel closer to our romantic partners than anyone else. With this sense of closeness and intimacy comes a feeling of vulnerability. They know more about us than others. Our partners also have the ability to hurt our feelings in ways that others usually can’t.

Is Conflict Always Bad?

Many people feel that fighting is a sign that the relationship may be in trouble. Fighting is seen as inherently bad. Too much conflict can place the couple under a higher level of stress compared to couples that quarrel less often. When fights get really heated, people can say some pretty hurtful things. Some of those things can be hard to come back from. If we hear something from our partner that is hurtful or damaging to our trust in them, it can change the relationship forever.

Conflict isn’t always a bad sign though. A couple who never quarrel may just be sweeping issues under the rug. This can be equally damaging to a relationship. Resentment can build to emerge in a much larger fight over something the couple could have easily moved passed with proper communication. It’s important for people to address problems that arise in their relationships. Working those issues out is how we can build stronger relationships with our partners.

Conflict gives us the chance to air our feelings instead of keeping them bottled up. It gives us a chance to voice our concerns and let our partners know about our unmet needs. Fights give us the chance to work towards compromises that can make things better for us.

Fighting in a Relationship is About Quality, Not Quantity

How often a couple fight isn’t a reliable gauge of whether a relationship will be successful. What makes a difference is how those fights happen and how they are resolved. The way we engage with our partner in a fight is much more significant than how often it happens.

Fighting can be destructive if the problem fueling the fight never gets resolved. Couples need a way to work through the issue. If a compromise is never reached, or the primary reason for the conflict is never addressed, then the fight will just continue. As more time passes, resentment over the unresolved issue will grow and cause more conflict. This is what usually causes the end to most relationships. People can no longer tolerate the problem that continues to persist in the relationship.

Learn to Up Your Relationship Game

Relationships are not always the easiest things to navigate. We can hit a lot of bumps along the way trying to connect with our partners. Continuing to learn about relationships, communication, and conflict can help you avoid pitfalls. Join our mailing list for more great information and tips on how to increase the intimacy and strength of your relationship.

The post Is Fighting in a Relationship Healthy? appeared first on Explore Sex Talk.

What is Birth Control?

Birth control is any number of methods that work to prevent human sperm from reaching and fertilizing an egg inside of the vulva. The basic goal is to prevent pregnancy. There are a number of different types of birth control and each varies in effectiveness, expense, and method.

There are a number of reasons why a person, or couple, may wish to prevent pregnancy. These reasons can range from financial to health to simply not being ready to be a parent. Some people feel that sex should only happen when a couple is trying to conceive but sex can be had for pleasure and fun. Many people enjoy sex for this reason. If you are interested in sex for the pleasure and not because you’re trying to have a child, birth control is definitely something you should explore.

Birth Control Types

There are a whole range of contraceptives that are available. Some of the options include:

The Patch
Sponge
Vaginal Ring
Birth Control Pills
Shot (Depo-Provera)
Implant
Internal Condom
Cervical Cap
Outercourse
Diaphragm
Pull-Out Method
External Condom
Spermicide
IUD
Tubal Ligation (sterilization)
Vasectomy
Breastfeeding
Fertility Awareness-Based Methods (FAMs)
Abstinence

If there is a concern about any of these methods failing, there is also the option of the Morning-After Pill. This should never be the first choice for a contraceptive. It can be quite harsh on the body and an unpleasant experience. It is an option available if things go wrong but should not be a default option.

How Should You Choose a Contraceptive?

How you go about finding the right type of birth control will depend on the answers to a few questions.

Do you and your partner plan on trying to have children in the near future? Certain types of birth control have longer lasting effects. It can either take more time for the effectiveness to decrease, in the case of the shot, or they may be designed for longer use, such as IUDs. If you and your partner are planning on trying to conceive within 1-2 years, your choice in contraceptives should reflect those goals. It would be better to choose methods such as condoms and fertility awareness.

Is there concern over protection from STIs? Most options only protect you and your partner from unwanted pregnancies. If there is a concern about the transmission of sexually transmitted infections, you and your partner need to consider other safer sex methods to address these risks. Choosing to use barriers will definitely help and there’s no rule that says you can’t use condoms with another form of birth control. You may also wish to consider discussing fluid bonding with your partner or set a schedule for getting tested. No matter what you and your partner decide, a conversation about the potential for STIs is just as important as a discussion about unwanted pregnancies.

How much effort do you want to put in? Some methods, such as the pill, require a person to remember to take the medication on a daily basis. For best results, it’s important they take it at the same time every day as well. If this seems like it could be an issue with scheduling or remembering, another option may be a better choice.

How much does the contraceptive cost? We all wish the cost of things didn’t factor into our thinking but it does. This may be a consideration for you and your partner. Thankfully there are a number of options that are lower in price.

Once you and your partner can answer these, it will help narrow down the focus of what kinds of contraceptives may be a good fit. Finding the right method can take a little bit of research and perhaps some trial and error. If you or your partner don’t like a particular kind of birth control, another option can be explored. Just be sure to put in your research!

Health Issues That Impact Contraceptive Choice

When you and your partner are exploring options, it may be best to consult your doctor. Some forms of birth control may not be safe for you to take or use. Health issues that can limit choices include any serious health problems, such as high blood pressure, migraines, diabetes, or heart disease.

Your doctor will also need to know if you are a smoker, have a current sexually transmitted infection, ever had breast cancer, or have any blood clots (or family history of clots) in the legs or lungs. All of these things can impact which option may be the best one for you and your partner.

How Can You Get Birth Control?

So you’ve done your research, consulted your doctor, talked it over with your partner and you’re ready to get your choice! So how do we do that? Well if the choice is a non-prescription option, such as condoms or spermicides, you can simply purchase those at any drugstore. Once again there are a variety of brands available. You and your partner may have to experiment with a few different brands before finding the one that works best for you.

If you are looking at a prescription option, this will have to happen in a consultation with your doctor. If you don’t have a family doctor, you may wish to consider visiting a sexual health clinic to discuss and receive help from a physician.

Birth Control Takes Out the Anxiety of Unwanted Pregnancy

Getting pregnant can be a wonderful thing but not if you and your partner are not ready for it. Birth control is the step that takes out the anxiety and concern of unwanted pregnancy. When it’s properly executed, contraceptives should give you and your partner peace of mind to enjoy your time together. There is plenty of time to start thinking of having a family. This is part of the reason why contraceptives can be thought of as family planning.

Join our mailing list for more great information on sex, sexual health, relationships, dating, consent, and more! You should also stop by our online store to pick up the perfect conversation piece for your next social gathering.

The post What is Birth Control? appeared first on Explore Sex Talk.

Is Porn Real?

Is porn real? Is it a good way to learn about sex? Many people think that watching porn can teach them how to be better in bed. It seems like a great place to pick up tips right? Well maybe not. Porn is all staged sex, it’s not actually real.

What Do You Mean Porn Isn’t Real? It’s Sex, Doesn’t That Make Porn Real?

Porn is all about fantasy. That’s the whole point. It is scripted and designed to be stimulating and exciting. In the fantasy world, two people, often strangers, come together and are having sex within minutes of meeting each other. The strangers know how to please each other, what the other person wants, and both are always into it.

The people who perform in porn are actors. They are paid to act like they are enjoying it whether they are or not. Their money is earned from putting on a good show, not enjoying what they are doing. It doesn’t mean that they can’t enjoy their job but it is a job nonetheless.

Have you ever had a day when you’ve had to go into work but you didn’t really feel like it? We all have. We put on a smile and head off to our job and do our best to do it well. Pornstars are no different.

The other thing to be aware of is that not only is porn scripted and designed for its intended audience but there are a lot of things you don’t see. Some scenes may be reshot multiple times. There are a whole bunch of people on set to control the cameras, lighting, direction. The industry has workers called “fluffers” who help actors stay stimulated and ready between takes.

The entire environment of porn is controlled. It’s carefully thought out, packaged sex. None of this makes porn real.

Porn Doesn’t Show Real World Sex

What isn’t shown during porn is all the aspects of sex that take place in the real world. In the real world, there is negotiate and communication. People discuss boundaries, consent, sexual desires, and more. These things are usually totally ignored in porn.

Porn also doesn’t show some of the realities of sex like:

Sometimes sex positions don’t always work the way you expect.
There are moments where sex is silly and laughter is appropriate.
People can also have different levels of arousal at different times.
Not everyone is ready to have sex all the time.
Negotiation of consent and boundaries
Vanilla sex is just as OK as kinky sex
Not all sex ends in orgasms
Not all sex extends for half hour or more
People will all kinds of body types have sex
How to use safer sex methods
Every person wants a threesome
Every penis and vulva looks the same
Having sex during that time of the month

All of these things are really just the tip of the iceberg. This list just gives you an idea of just a few of the ways that porn fails to pass as real sex. An important thing to remember is that what looks good in porn doesn’t always mean that it feels good.

Should You Watch Porn?

As with so many other things concerned sexuality, this is a highly personal answer. How you choose to interact with porn can have an effect. The decisions that a person makes about what kinds of porn and how often they are watching it can impact their sexual tastes. It may end up affecting their sexual needs. All of this can play out into influencing the types of relationships people are engaging in.

You may enjoy watching porn and there’s nothing wrong with that. You just need to remember that it’s as real as any other movie. These things could happen, and in some cases they do, but it doesn’t mean they’re going to. Porn is meant to be a supplement that adds enjoyment to sex. It shouldn’t be used to replace it.

Don’t Learn About Sex From Porn

There is so much that can be learned about sex that is not covered in porn. If you are relying on porn to teach you how to have better sex, you are missing more than half of the picture. You will also get some really distorted views on what sex actually looks like. There are significantly better ways to learn ways to improve your sex life. Join our mailing list for recommendations, tips, and tricks to maximize pleasure for you and your partner. Share this article today and spread the word.

The post Is Porn Real? appeared first on Explore Sex Talk.

What is an Orgasm?

An orgasm is the sensation of intense sexual pleasure. It is often considered the climax or peak of sexual activities and is sometimes referred to as “cumming” or “climaxing”. Anyone can have an orgasm if they are feeling properly sexually stimulated. At this time there is no agreed upon, overarching explanation of orgasms.

Health experts have only recently started looking at the benefits of orgasms in the last 50 years or so. Acknowledging the idea of the female orgasm only really started around the 1970s. Historically it was believed that it was normal for women to never experience an orgasm. We know a lot about the human body but we actually don’t know as much about orgasms. It’s still an area that we are continuing to expand our knowledge but we have learned some things

Stages of an Orgasm

An orgasm doesn’t just happen. There are actually a few different stages to the changes that happen in our bodies. There are some different ideas on what these stages are, depending on the model.

Most researchers accept the Master & Johnson Four-Phase Model. This model holds that it happens in four stages. People first feel excitement and then progress to a small plateau. The orgasm follows the plateau and then moves into the resolution stage.

Kaplan has a different theory of the stages of an orgasm. The Kaplan model holds that there are three stages: desire, excitement, and orgasm. This model is usually less commonly accepted because most researchers tend to avoid non-genital changes. Desire can be difficult to predict and definitively observe. It’s also important to note that desire is not always a part of sexual activity.

Orgasms & Our Brains

When we orgasm, our brain is flooded with dopamine. This is a feel-good chemical in our brain. It makes us feel good and creates a desire, or craving, to have it again. When we have dopamine in our system, a number of other hormones are also released into the body that contributes to our feelings of pleasure and satisfaction.

Research using PET scans has found that brain activity during an orgasm is the same regardless of gender. Everyone’s brain activity is the same no matter the other differences in experience or duration.

The lateral orbitofrontal cortex turns off which allows us to let go of reason, control, and self-evaluation. This is what creates the feeling of loss of control during the orgasm. It shuts down our anxiety and fears which is essential to a satisfactory climax.

People with vulvas will also experience a trance-like state that is caused by relaxation in the amygdala and hippocampus. For those who have penises, the relaxation in these brain areas reduces aggressiveness and increases a state of tranquility.

Orgasm Benefits To Our Health

We are still studying the health effects of having orgasms but we have identified several hormones that are released during an orgasm. These hormones, such as oxytocin and DHEA, cause our muscles to relax and reduces the amount of the stress hormone in our system.

There are also some studies that suggest that these hormones have some protective qualities that reduce our chances of heart disease and cancers. Some research has found that the risk for prostate cancer is 20% lower in people who had ejaculated at least 21 times in a month compared to those who had only ejaculated 4-7 times in a month.

Don’t Short Yourself on Orgasms

Historically people believed that having an orgasm cost you life and vitality. People thought it weakened your body and spirit. We now know that this really isn’t true. There are a lot of good reasons to make sure you are having a good time with your partner. Not only can it protect your health but it can increase the sense of intimacy and closeness in a relationship. For more knowledge and tips to improve your sex life and relationships, join our mailing list. You should also stop by our online shop to pick up something unique for that special someone in your life.

The post What is an Orgasm? appeared first on Explore Sex Talk.

Basic Anatomy of the Penis

The penis is the primary sex organ of one of the two types of reproductive organs commonly seen in humans. The penis is referred to by a number of different words, including some colorful slang. Some of the names people use for penis include, but not limited to, cock, wang, one-eyed wonder weasel, pecker, wood, tallywacker, Johnson, willy, or Mr. Giggle Daddy.

It can be seen as being composed of three major sections: the root, the body, and the glans. The root typically covers the portion of the penis that is hidden within the body of the person. The body covers the majority of the external part of the penis. Finally, the glans is the tip of the penis. Each section contains some pieces of anatomy that contribute to the overall function of the penis. So let’s go over some of those individual pieces of anatomy.

The Glans

As we just mentioned, the glans is the tip or head of the penis. Here we find the opening of the urethra. It is from this opening that urine, as well as pre-cum (formally known as pre-ejaculate) and semen, come out of the penis. Many people find this to be the most sensitive area of the whole penis.

The Shaft of the Penis

The shaft of the penis is the main body of the penis. It is the part that extends from the head of the penis to where the base of the penis connects with the crotch. The shaft looks more like a tube and contains the length of the urethra inside it.

It also contains tissues known as the corpus cavernosa. These tissues consist of a fibrous protein and elastic fiber. They form empty spaces that are able to expand with blood to allow the penis to become erect. The shaft of the penis also contains a similar fibrous tissue with less empty space called the corpus spongiosum. The urethra runs through the corpus spongiosum which prevents it from becoming closed off during an erection.

The Foreskin

The foreskin is a patch of skin that covers and protects the head of the cock. During an erection, the foreskin pulls back to show the tip of the penis. Sometimes this skin is cut off the penis of children of a young age in a procedure called circumcision. This is often done for religious reasons. Historically doctors believed that it increases the health and hygiene that leads to better performance of the reproductive organ but there is little to no scientific evidence to support this.

The Frenulum

The frenulum is where the foreskin meets the underside of the penis. It usually looks like a small V just under the head of the cock. Many people find it very sensitive, particularly for those who have been circumcised. Although it may also be removed during a circumcision.

Some people are concerned about tears or breaks in the frenulum. However, the frenulum should remain intact. If it feels overly sensitive or uncomfortable during sexual activity, checking in with a doctor is a good idea.

The Scrotum

The scrotum is normally referred to as the balls. It is the sac of skin that hangs below the shaft of the penis. It holds the testicles and keeps them at the right temperature. The scrotum tightens or relaxes to raise or drop the testicles away from the body to warm or cool them.

The scrotum can be large or small, have lots or little hair, and can vary in color. It’s very common among people for the scrotum to have one side larger than the other. Many people find their scrotum sensitive and extremely responsive to any twisting or hitting. Despite this sensitivity, many people do enjoy having the scrotum gently touched during sexual activities.

The Testicles

The testicles exist inside the scrotum. They are ball shaped and are responsible for producing sperm. They also play a role in producing and distributing testosterone throughout the body.

Each testicle is protected by a fibrous layer called the tunica. The inside of the testicle is divided into parts called lobules. Every lobule is made up of U-shaped tubes. These tubes are lined with cells, called germ cells, which are where sperm begin their journey.

Learn More About the Penis

There is even more to learn about the anatomy of the penis, this article only covers some of the basics. Learning about human anatomy and having a better understanding of how it all comes together can help us identify if something is wrong. This can be an important step in safeguarding our sexual health. Join our mailing list to get more information on anatomy related to our sexual health.

The post Basic Anatomy of the Penis appeared first on Explore Sex Talk.