Teela Hudak's Blog, page 45

#ImmodestWomen

We still live in a world where we still need to fight for equality. Many of the old prejudices and injustices still exist in the world. In some areas of the world, it’s much more obvious than others but it’s still extremely present in all societies. It’s merely a question of how obvious and outright it is.

Women still face a lot of discrimination. This still comes out in our society in a whole variety of ways. One more recent example is the lack of respect shown to women who have achieved a high level of expertise and education.

#ImmodestWomen

The hashtag started when Dr. Fern Riddell put out a tweet after learning that The Globe and Mail was proposing to change its house style to only refer to medical doctors by their titles. For academics, only the surname would be used with a gendered prefix such as Mr, Mrs, or Ms. Dr. Riddell commented that it’s important people know the proper titles for those referenced. Being an expert in a particular field is hard earned and gives some authority to their reference.

There was a large and harsh reaction from men on Twitter calling out Dr. Riddell as vulgar, immodest, and challenging her credentials. Dr. Riddell admits to being amused by the reaction and instead choose to make a statement. She started the hashtag #ImmodestWomen.

Since then a number of women have felt empowered and are now sharing their stories and changing their social media names to include their Dr title.

Step Up and Be Empowered

Women should be proud of their achievements. In many ways, women are still socialized to only be proud and celebrated for their relationships, children, and physical attributes. Women receive far less acknowledgment and praise for their success in academics or business despite many women excelling in those areas. Their success can be met with resistance, especially if they are proud of their achievements.

Women need to step up and seize their empowerment. Women need to take credit for their expertise and hard-won achievements without modesty. Their achievements and expertise matter just as much as anyone else who has made similar achievements. Depending on the personal history of a person and the challenges and discrimination they may have faced, their achievements should be more widely celebrated. They would have had to work harder to overcome those challenges. Celebrate them.

Change Starts With You and Me

Change in societies is slow because it’s all about what each individual thinks. Every person has the power to create change by standing up against injustice. Continue to challenge what you know. Continue to learn and grow. Share this article with a woman in your life today. Join our mailing list for more great tips and advice on your journey to more fulfilling sex and relationships.

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#DroptheB Controversy… Should Be #DroptheJudgment

Have you heard about the #droptheb controversy? The LGBTQ2SA* community has for years used a variation of this acronym. Each letter represents a different aspect of gender or sexual orientation. The community is meant to be inclusive and a safe space for those who have faced discrimination due to their identity and preferences.

Recently, there has been some argument for dropping the “B”, which stands for Bisexuality, from the acronym. This has caused a lot of heated arguments for both sides.

The #DroptheB Argument

 

So why has this become an issue? Why should bisexuality be taken out of the acronym? The argument started on a right-wing forum on 4Chan. The opinion was raised that bisexuality should be excluded because it’s not gender inclusive because there are more than two genders. People feel that this term is outdated and as our language and understanding of gender has changed, the language should evolve as well.

The crux of the objection rests on the belief about the meaning of bisexuality. Many people still see bisexuality as an attraction to men and women. This leaves a lot of other people who don’t fall into those binaries out of the picture.

Discrimination Against Bisexuals

The problem with the #droptheb argument is that it discriminates against those who are bisexual. People who are bisexual already face a lot of discrimination from pretty much every community. They are often rejected by the heterosexual community because heterosexuals are often uncomfortable with their desire for the same sex. The gay community also rejects bisexuals because of their desire for what is seen as hetero relationships.

Bisexuals are often told they can’t make up their mind, that they just haven’t settled, or any other number of things that detract from their sexual orientation. Research has found that bisexuals face the same level of discrimination from the gay community as they do from the heterosexual one. It has also found that the level of discrimination is statistically higher when compared to the discrimination against the gay community.

People who are bisexual have worked hard to come to terms with the conflicting messages, personal confusion, discrimination and exclusion. They have struggled to come to terms with their sexual orientation. The #droptheb campaign continues the trend of saying that bisexuality is illegitimate.

Evolving Language and Evolving Ideas

There is no reason to remove bisexuality from the fold. It should be embraced by the community. The argument for #droptheb and that language should be considered can still be looked at. With the evolution of our understanding about gender and the acceptance of more than just the two gender binaries, we have options to expand and redefine our language.

Given its history and the evolution of the community, there is nothing wrong with leaving the definition of bisexuality as the common definition. New identities can be created for people who may be attracted to two genders but not the two ends of the spectrum. We have created lots of new language on our journey of exploring gender and sexuality, there is no need to reject a whole community because our understanding and vocabulary is expanding.

Another option would be to expand our understanding of what bisexuality means. In it’s basic definition, “bi” is Latin for two. The Latin prefix before the word simply means nothing more than attraction to two. Bisexuality is the attraction to two. There is nothing in the definition that says specifically that it must be the two genders on the opposing ends of the spectrum. We have accepted that as the long standing definition because for a long time, only those two genders were discussed or acknowledged. The term is actually inclusive of different genders. It is up to each individual who identifies as bisexual to decide which two genders capture their fancy.

#DroptheB Should Be #DroptheJudgment

Out of all we have learned about gender, sexual orientation, and sex you think we would have learned to stop telling people how they should identify. It is up to each person to decide what is and is not ok for them and what speaks to them. Don’t cut bisexuals out of the community. Keep it inclusive. Share this article with your circles today and see what they have to say about #droptheb. If you’re interested in getting more information about gender and sexuality, sign up for our mailing list! You can also drop by our store to find the perfect gift for someone special in your life or shamelessly add to your collection today!

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Does a Soulmate Make a Difference?

Do soulmates exist? And if they do, does it make a difference if you are with yours or not? Relationships can be tricky to navigate and many people feel like they fail at them. Finding a lasting and fulfilling relationship can be tough. People also have a lot of different ideas about what a good relationship looks like. Some people feel that it’s effortless with the right person while others hold that good relationships take work and effort over time to keep them alive. So which is the truth? If you find your perfect soulmate, does that make relationships effortless?

The Soulmate Ideal

Soulmates are considered to be a person’s perfect and true match. They are the person who gets us, who we can’t live without, and who will bring us ultimate happiness. We feel closer and more a part of our soulmate than any other person. We accept them and their faults without question and love them regardless. They help you break through your own limitations and challenge you to live your life to the fullest. They make you be a better person.

The connection with a soulmate is more than just a physical one. You feel connected on a mental, emotional, and spiritual level. Often people say they feel like they knew their soulmate before. They make you feel secure and protected and the relationship is more intense than any other you have ever experienced. There is a feeling of not needing limits with the person and being able to be totally open.

Many people feel that their mission in life is to find their soulmate. They feel that their life will not be complete without this connection and that they are not complete without this person.

The Soulmate Reality

Part of the problem with the concept of soulmates is that in many cases, we are wrong about a person being are ultimate match. This can leave people feeling disappointed, depressed, and alone. It can increase the feeling of frustration people have when dating. The thought of having a perfect mate increases the sense of pressure to find them for a lot of people.

Dating can already be challenging for many people. We are searching for a lot of things in a potential partner: sexual attraction, mental and emotional compatibility, common interests, common life goals, compatible spiritual beliefs, similar views on politics, and plenty more. We are already searching for a lot of things to come into line. If we place a lot of emphasis on searching for perfection on top of it, it can heighten our frustration.

Belief Can Impact the Relationship

Research has shown that people who believe strongly in soulmates react differently in relationships than those who do not. It can impact the course and final outcome of the relationship in an entirely different way. If a relationship experiences any conflict, people who believe strongly in soulmates are more likely to give up on the relationship quickly. They believe that the conflict is a sign that the partner is not their perfect mate and spend more time debating if they should end the relationship.

Conversely, people can also compromise themselves and their lives in pursuit of the ideal. If a person believes another to be their ultimate match and soulmate, they can end up tolerating all kinds of abuse that they would never have, or should have, experienced. It is tolerated because of the belief that their soulmate should be accepted without question.

Don’t Lose Your Head Over Love

Love is undeniably one of the greatest things we can hope to experience. We all want to find our perfect mate, someone who we can really be ourselves with. There is nothing wrong with putting your energy into finding that person. You can choose for yourself how important that pursuit is for your life but don’t let it dictate your ultimate happiness. Your happiness is not dependent on finding or not finding that perfect match. You don’t need someone to complete you, you are a whole person already on your own.

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What is Oral Sex?

When we are talking about sex, it can mean more than just one thing. Oral sex is one type of sex that people can engage in. It involves the use of the mouth and tongue to stimulate the genital or anal region of someone else. The whole purpose of oral sex is pleasure. It’s not possible for pregnancy to occur from oral sex.

Is Oral Sex Real Sex?

Many people don’t define oral sex as sex. It is seen as different because it can’t result in a pregnancy. Also much of the historical literature about sex only refers specifically to intercourse as sex. Previous generations have not considered whether or not it falls specifically into the definition.

If it’s not sex, then why is it called “oral SEX”? The truth is that oral sex is a sexual act and can transmit an STI. It is a form of sex. For some couples, it is the main kind of sex that they have. Including oral sex in the definition of sex sees sexuality as more of a complete whole and for more than just reproduction. It acknowledges that sex is also performed for pleasure.

Types of Oral Sex

Depending on what area of the body is being focused on, oral sex can take on some different names. There are different tips, tricks, and considerations for different types of oral sex. What works well for one type, won’t necessarily transfer to another type. Giving them different names also helps people find the literature they are looking for when they are trying to read up on it. So what are the different types of oral sex? There is fellatio, cunnilingus, and anilingus.

Fellatio, more commonly called a blowjob, is when oral sex is performed on a penis. The word fellatio comes from the Latin noun fellatus, which means “to suck”. Cunnilingus is when oral sex is performed on a vulva. The word comes from the Latin words cunni and Lingus which translates to vulva licking. Anilingus, also referred to as rimming or tossing salad, is when oral sex is performed on the anus. It comes from the Latin words anus and Lingus which translates to anus lick.

Oral Sex is Part of Our History But Still a Personal Choice

Oral sex is not new, it’s been around for a long time. There are documented art and writing from previous generations as well as ancient civilizations documenting oral sex as a normal activity among people. Despite it being a long part of the history of sex, no one is under any obligation to participate in oral sex. Just because people do, and people can, doesn’t mean that anyone has to.

Some people really love oral sex while others don’t find it anything special. What kinds of sexual activities a person enjoys will vary widely from person to person. It is based on our preconceived notions, our history, and our experiences. If someone feels resistant to oral sex, there is usually a reason for it. Whether or not a person moves beyond that reason to engage in it is entirely up to them. Respect their level of consent.

Take Charge of Your Sexuality

The more you learn about sexuality and yourself, the more you will be able to make informed choices about what activities you wish to participate in. It’s important that you take time to consider what you are interested in trying and what you are not. This is the first step in being able to find out what you like. Taking charge of your sexuality is all about being able to articulate what you enjoy. Join our mailing list for more great guides to help you on your journey to sexual pleasure and empowerment. Also, stop by our shop to find that perfect gift for that special someone.

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Types of Condoms

One of the ways we can practice safer sex is by ensuring we are using protective barriers, such as condoms. Some people that condoms ruin sex but along with keeping us safe, many condoms are designed to enhance pleasure. It’s all about figuring out what kind of condoms you prefer for which activities. Which one you choose will depend on your needs and preferences. There are a lot of different kinds of condoms to choose from but they do fall into three basic categories: external, internal, and oral.

External Condoms

External condoms are the ones that are the ones most people think of when they talk about condoms. These are sometimes called “male condoms” because they are meant to fit over external genitals, such as penises. They are also suitable for protecting a variety of different sex toys as well. External condoms are readily available at a variety of places including sexual health clinics, drugs, and grocery stores, as well as sex stores. You can usually find them in “Family Planning” if they are not labeled directly as condoms.

There are a number of brands for these kinds of condoms that come in different sizes. Each brand produces a whole range of condoms for different sensations and pleasure. A lot of research and development has gone into making the condoms better and enhancing pleasure as well as providing proper protection. It may take some experimentation to figure out which brands and types you and your partner prefer. This will give you and your partner an excellent excuse, if you need one, to have lots of sex until you figure it out. Don’t be afraid to experiment and take note of which ones work out better for you.

Internal Condoms

Internal condoms are usually referred to as female condoms because they are meant to be placed inside internal genitals, such as vulvas. One of the greatest advantages of these types of condoms is that no one needs to be aroused in order for the condom to be put in place. It can be put in place at any time and left there until it’s time for you and your partner. For anyone who feels that putting on an external condom disrupts the flow of sex, these types of condoms may be just what’s needed.

There are not as many brands and options for these kinds of condoms as there are for external condoms. Internal condoms do hold another advantage of covering more of the area surrounding the genitals than external condoms though. They may be the better choice to provide more protection for anyone who is concerned about genital herpes, HPV, or any STI that can be easily transferred only by skin contact. Internal condoms can also be an excellent choice for anal sex. It’s actually quite common in the gay community for internal condoms to be the condom of choice because of their advantages.

Oral Condoms

There are a few different options when looking for safer oral sex options. Some brands of external condoms have released condoms specific for oral sex. These condoms come in a variety of different flavors. Common flavors are usually fruit themed though there is usually a mint flavor available. It’s important that flavored condoms only be used for oral sex. Using a flavored condom for vaginal or anal sex can cause an infection. The flavoring placed on the condoms can leave behind a residue that can breed bacteria in the vulva or the anus. It could also upset the pH balance in the vagina which could lead to an infection. These condoms are only meant for oral sex.

Another option for safer oral sex is dental dams. Dental dams are a rectangle of latex meant to be placed over the area you intend to be licking. These also come in a whole variety of flavors. Dental dams are a wonderful barrier but it can be more difficult to find them. Not all drug and grocery stores will carry them. You may not find them in all of the sexual health clinics either. Sex stores that cater to a variety of interests, like Little Sisters, will carry them. If you are having a difficult time locating them, they are available to order online and this may be the cheapest and easiest way to obtain some.

Best Practices for Condom Use

There are a few things to keep in mind to keep condoms the effective barrier you want them to be. Where you store your condoms makes a difference. Keep them somewhere where they won’t be exposed to extreme temperatures. Heat, in particular, can cause weak spots in many condoms. It’s not a good idea to store a condom in your wallet as the combination of heat and pressure will make the condom likely to break.

Another thing to keep in mind is to be mindful of what the condom is made of if you are selecting a lube. Water-based lubes are the only kind you should use with any barrier made out of latex. Oil-based lubes will cause the latex to break down and will end up disintegrating the condom. Definitely not something we want to happen. So be mindful while doing your shopping to choose the appropriate lube to match the type of condoms you are using.

The last important consideration to keep in mind is being aware of nails. Sometimes it can be easy for nails to scrape across a condom while handling or putting it on. Nails scraping can cause weak spots that can cause the condom to break under the friction of sex. Be mindful of how the condom is handled to keep it in the best shape possible.

Explore All the Types of Condoms

One of the best ways to learn what you like and what you don’t is simply to learn about the different options and experiment. What ends up being pleasing may surprise you. Maximizing sexual pleasure for you and your partner is all about increasing your knowledge, being open to new experiences, and experimenting. Take the next steps towards a more fulfilling sex life by sharing this article with those close to you. Get some opinions and knowledge from your lovers and friends. You can also take the real condom challenge and support sexual health research. Take the challenge now!

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Female Genital Mutilation in Egypt

This spring women’s rights have taken a step forward in Egypt. On May 30, 2018, it was declared that female genital mutilation (FGM) goes against all religious principles. FGM is now considered to be an attack on religion through damaging the most sensitive organ in the female body. This is a huge step forward because it’s a step towards acknowledging women as people, and not property, in Islam.

What is Female Genital Mutilation?

FGM is a practice still carried out by a few countries in the world. It is a surgery performed on women and, depending on the country, can be done in three different ways. One way is the total or partial removal of the prepuce. The second is the total or partial removal of the inner labia. The third option is the removal of all the external genitalia and fusion of the wound. These surgeries are also sometimes referred to as female castration.

The practice basically alters women from being able to experience pleasure during sex. It is believed that this will promote chastity and fidelity. The surgery is usually performed when the girl reaches puberty and without her consent.

Illegal But Still a Social Norm

Female genital mutilation has been illegal in Egypt since 2008 ever since a high profile case of a young girl who died after the procedure. The family sued the doctor and this paved the way for the laws in Egypt to change. It was additionally criminalized in 2016.

Despite being illegal, it’s still a very common practice. In 2008, Unicef estimated that as much as 91% of women between 15 and 49 had undergone the procedure and about 72% of them had been mutilated by doctors. The practice in Egypt is so common that if it was eliminated there, it would eliminate one-fourth of worldwide cases.

The Egyptian government is continuing to fight FGM by introducing new penalties including imprisonment. Hospitals are required to notify police when they receive any female circumcision cases and they have launched educational programs as well.

On a social level, many women still feel powerless to stop it. Young women can object all they wish but they have no say over the procedure being done or not.

Religion stepping in to condemn the practice as a violation of religious beliefs may be a huge step towards changing the social views on the practice. It adds another voice of authority and morality reasoning against the useless and barbaric practice.

We Must Continue to Strive to End Female Genital Mutilation

Female genital mutilation is a barbaric practice with a lot of complications and absolutely no health benefits. We need to continue to educate people about gender equality and encourage them to stand up against injustice. Share this article with your circles today. Spread the message further and join our mailing list to stay in the loop! You can also support our articles by picking up an item from our online store. Add something fun and scandalous to your collection today!

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Is Asking for Consent Awkward?

When consent is a newer concept or conversation for you, it may feel awkward to start doing it. We don’t have a lot of good examples modeled to us of suave and sexy consent conversations. There is usually a whole lot of the opposite. Movies and TV often sell the idea of just taking action is sexier and more daring. This is a horrible and potentially dangerous idea. It is ideas like that which have led us to our current state of affairs where at least 1 in 4 women in Canada experience a sexual assault in their life. It is ideas like that which have created the need for social movements like the #MeToo Movement. Consent is incredibly important and it doesn’t have to feel awkward.

Examining Why It Feels Awkward

If you feel that asking for consent is totally awkward, you should take some time to figure out where the source of your discomfort is. Are you unsure how to ask? Is there a fear of rejection? These things are perfectly natural to feel but it shouldn’t stop you from obtaining consent. As with most things in life, the more you practice something, the easier it becomes and the better you get at it. Having the consent conversation feels healthy and natural to people who are experienced. Also, a good portion of people will appreciate the consent and boundary conversation. Those who don’t are usually people you want to sleep with anyway.

If a person truly is resistant to the consent conversation, it’s usually because they are concerned with only their own pleasure and have little care for the well being of their partner. This is the kind of person is just out to get what they want regardless of the feelings or consent of others. A person like this can be dangerous for others. They are more likely to sexually assault someone or push past the boundaries of agreed upon consent. It’s best to avoid them if you safely can.

How to Ask for Consent
There are lots of ways you can ask for consent. A simple, “Do you consent?” is a straightforward way. Many people feel this to be uncomfortable and clunky but if it’s good enough for the Starks of Winterfell, why not you? There are still other ways to check in with your partner around consent if Game of Thrones nobility isn’t your style. Depending on the context of the situation you can try one of the following:


“Hey, is this ok for you?”
“What did you have in mind?”
“Where would you like things to go from here?”
“Can I kiss you?”

Consent is all about checking in with your partner to ensure that you both are in the same spot for your desires. There are a lot of reasons why it may not always be obvious if a person is into what is happening. Many men have been convicted of sexual assault charges who just assumed their partner was into it but never bothered to check.

What If I Get Rejected?

Rejection is never fun and can feel really awful but why would you want to be with someone who’s not interested in being with you? Sex is always best when everyone is enthusiastically involved. It’s true that when you ask, you may sometimes get a “no” for an answer. While this is not an ideal outcome, it’s still better than pushing ahead and finding out later that the person feels violated and never wanted it.

Now the argument can be made that if someone really didn’t want it, then they should have tried harder to stop it. The problem with this logic is that there are a LOT of reasons why someone may not fight to stop it. These reasons could range from a fear of their safety after the rejection to feelings of futility at being able to stop it. Asking for consent solves a lot of these problems. It communicates to your partner that you care about their well-being and pleasure. It creates a safe space for people to say no.

At the end of the day, no one’s pleasure is more important than the personal autonomy of someone else. It’s never fun to be rejected but it’s much better to share experiences with people who actually want to share them with you. It will lead to better sex, more fulfilling relationships, and a more solid reputation.

Challenge Popular Ideas on Consent & Sex

A lot of mainstream popular ideas of what relationships and sex should look like are not always promoting healthy ideals. Many of the ideals are toxic and promote abusive relationships. Never be afraid to challenge these ideas and explore new ways to do things. Keep learning about consent, healthy relationships, and communication. These are the keys to a more satisfying and fulfilling sex life. To learn more about consent, pick up a copy of “Got Consent?“. It is a detailed overview of some of the key basics to consent that will change how you approach it and really up your game. You can also sign up for our mailing list for access to even more great article and tips! Start your journey towards better sex today!

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Should You Take Back a Cheater?

Should you ever take back a cheater? It can be really hard when someone betrays your trust, especially someone who you are particularly close to. Depending on the particulars of the situation, it may not be something the relationship can come back from. In the relationship game, sometimes there are no easy answers or clear decisions. You need to make the choices that are best for you and while others may pitch in ideas for your consideration, ultimately the choice is yours. There are several important things you should consider if you are debating if you should take this person back or make a clean break.

The Cheating Happened for a Reason

There are a lot of different kinds of reasons that people cannot remain faithful. Sometimes it’s because their needs are not being met in some way. Other times it can be because the current relationship commitment is not in line with their personal values on relationships. There are also some who cheat because they simply are not committed to their relationship.

If you are considering staying with the person, you need to know why the cheating happened. If this is not addressed, there is a good chance that it will continue to happen again and again. You and your partner will need to have some serious and open discussion about what caused the cheating to take place. Are their needs being met? If not, what do they need? How are you feeling about what they have communicated to you? Are they asking for any compromises? Are they compromises you feel you can handle?

When talking all of this out, emotions can get pretty hot. Don’t be afraid to take the conversation slowly, take breaks as needed. If you plan to stay together, you may wish to consider seeing a relationship counselor to help you two work through the issues and help build a stronger foundation.

The Relationship Will Never Be the Same

An important thing to realize is that the relationship will never be the same again. No matter what happens or how the two of you proceed. It may be that the cheating causes you to work things out and it makes the relationship stronger. It also could go the way of the making the relationship less supportive and satisfying. No matter which direction it goes, the relationship as you have known it will never be the same. You need to understand that if you are to make an educated choice. Even if you and your partner just agree to back things up and try to be as before, one or both of you has been changed by the cheating and that will have an impact. It could impact the trust in the relationship or even the respect you have for one another. The knowledge of the infidelity will make a difference.

Knowing that things will be different can help you make a decision. Are you alright with things being different? Do you have an idea or hope of how they will be different? Where is the line for you? What do you need to make this right?

Sometimes Love Is Not Enough

Betrayal can be a really hard pill to swallow. Depending on your personal history and views on the relationship, it’s perfectly ok to say that this will not work out for you. If the betrayal hit you really hard, it may not matter how much you love someone. It can be impossible to forget it or get past it. You deserve to have people in your life that you feel that you can trust. Be honest with yourself and take some time to think about it. Is the relationship worth moving past the betrayal? If it is, are you in a place where you think that is possible?

Staying with someone who you cannot trust is not a testament to how much you love someone, it’s a recipe for life-long unhappiness. Being able to repair trust and move past betrayal has nothing to do with how much you may love someone. A desire to try may be motivated by love but at the end of the day, you can love someone very much but never be able to repair that trust. You are under no obligation to stay with this person, regardless of the countless reasons why you think you should. Your decision should be based on what will make you happy in the long term and what is going to be best for you.

Safety is also an important consideration but if that is something that needs to be taken seriously, you should do what is in your best interest to keep yourself safe. Concerns about safety leaving a relationship is another topic too big to be covered in a small section of this article. There are a number of supports out there and available. Please keep yourself safe and reach out for help if possible.

Choose What’s Right for You

No one can tell you if you should take someone unfaithful back better than you. If you are on the fence about it, take time to really consider it and don’t rush the decision. It can be difficult to predict what the future holds so don’t be too hard on yourself. Just try to be honest with yourself about where you are at and what you need. All these things will change from person to person, relationship to relationship, and sometimes even just at different times in your life. You are going to be the best authority on what you need and what you think will work best for you. Talk it out with those closest to you to gain some perspective and go from there. The bottom line is that everyone should get the chance to be happy. What will give you that best chance?

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Guide to Oil-Based Lube

Oil-based lube is another way you can increase your sexual pleasure. It can be used if you are with someone or just enjoying some time masturbating. Our bodies produce much of their own lubricants. Saliva is a free and readily available lube. Vulvae also produce their own lubrication. With the body’s natural ability to produce lubrication, why would we want to use a manufactured lube? It can be helpful for anal sex or if a person wants some extra stimulation to help the natural lubrication flowing.

How do you know what lubricant to choose though? There are a few different types of lubes: water, oil, and silicon. With each type, there are a variety of options available but each type has its pros and cons. In this article, we will be going over save basics about oil-based lubricants.

Benefits of Oil-Based Lube

One of the best things about oil-based lubes is that you only need a small amount and it tends to last quite a long time. You don’t have to re-apply it often. A bottle of oil-based lube will last you for quite a while. They make everything feel very silky and smooth. There is also less of a chance of an allergic reaction or skin irritation because they are made mostly from synthetic substances.

Another great thing about it is that it works well in water. The water will hit the oiled area and bead up and roll off. It won’t easily wash away and help you and your partner maintain the right level of lubrication to keep it pleasurable.

Oil-based lubes tend to have a thicker consistency and this can make them ideal for any sexual activity that involves anal play. Whether having anal intercourse or using anal toys, oil-based lubricants may be more effective, providing you are using the correct toys for the oil.

Oil-based lubes can also be used effectively in foreplay. They are great for massages or when hands are just being used. They are also really effective for stimulating other non-genital erogenous areas, such as nipples.

Drawbacks of Oil-Based Lubes

One of the most important things to know about oil-based lubes is that they can’t be used with anything that is latex. This means latex gloves, dental dams, condoms, or toys. The oils in the lube will eat away at the latex and cause it to break down. It will cause condoms to break during intercourse and destroy any toys.

Another thing to be aware of is that oil-based lubes can easily cause stains that can be difficult to get out. If you are using them, it’s probably a good idea to put down a towel or blanket that you don’t care if it happens to get stained.

If you plan on using oil-based lubes you also must be extra meticulous about personal hygiene. Oil tends to clog up the pores. This can cause all kinds of irritation as well as preventing clean air getting to the sensitive skin of the genitals. The vaginal canal can be particularly prone to infection-causing bacteria that can build up on oil-based lubes left behind after play and improper cleaning. Be sure to clean well with soap and water after using oil-based lubes.

If you plan on using oil-based lubes for any kind of anal play, clean up is extra important. Anal tissue already is exposed to a lot of bacteria and oil-based lubes can leave behind a thin film that can collect infection-causing bacteria. If this area is not properly cleaned, bad bacteria will be given the perfect environment to thrive into an infection. With proper cleaning and care, this won’t happen.

Experiment With Oil-Based Lubes

One of the best ways to learn what you like is to find out more about it and then experiment with your partner. As you have more experiences, you will come to learn what works for you and what doesn’t. It’s important to keep educating yourself through the process. Doing this can help you avoid common mistakes and figure out some of the best practices. Join our mailing list for a constant stream of new information to help you on your journey to sexual empowerment and satisfaction. Stop by our online shop for some fun and unique items to spice up your life as well.

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What is Fluid Bonding?

Have you ever heard the term “fluid bonding“? Fluid bonding is a fairly simple but an important concept in a relationship. Put simply, it is the agreement between two people to share bodily fluids. This may not seem like a big deal but it has some crucial implications for the state of the relationship, trust, and open communication. There can be different and distinct levels of fluid bonding. For example, you may consent to share saliva with someone but that doesn’t mean that you would be willing to have unprotected sex with them or share blood with them. In most cases, fluid bonding typically refers to the choice to have unprotected sex with an ongoing partner. For it to be considered fluid bonding, it must be a deliberate choice made by the couple.

Making the Choice to Bond Fluids

Choosing to become fluid bonded with someone is a deliberate choice and commitment. A conversation needs to be had between two people about boundaries, consent, and safer sex. When you decide to bond fluids with someone, it is adding a level of responsibility and gravity to the relationship. You and your partner have discussed and set out specific guidelines for the comfort level for both people on different types of risks when it comes to bodily fluids. This means discussing concerns around STI transmission and (if applicable) pregnancy. It also means being open to discussing your full sexual history openly and honestly with your partner.

There should also be some discussion about the different types of bodily fluids such as saliva, cum, blood, urine, or scat. Not everyone will be comfortable being exposed to all the possibilities and even if they are, it may only be under specific circumstances. Everyone has their own history and perceptions based on their past experience. They may have negative or positive associations with certain fluids in certain contexts. That is why these discussions are so important. It gives each person a chance to really flesh out what they are comfortable with and what may cause anxiety or other negative feelings.

Can Any Couple Choose to Fluid Bond?

Currently, it’s more common for non-monogamous couples to have conversations about fluid bonding. If a couple is consenting to date outside their relationship, they may wish to establish guidelines and rules about safer sex with those other partners. This helps everyone to feel safe and protected.

That being said, there is nothing stopping any couple, of any gender and sexual orientation, to have a discussion about fluid bonding. As we established, it’s a huge communication piece in a relationship. It provides safe space for people to voice how they feel about certain activities and their own comfort level. This can be extremely helpful in monogamous relationships as well. It helps each individual feel empowered and in control of their sexual health and their body. This conversation can open the door to other discussions that can enhance your sexual relationship with your partner as well.

Is Fluid Bonding a Sign of Increased Intimacy?

There is a common misconception that having unprotected sex is a sign of trust and increased intimacy in a relationship. This is a totally incorrect and dangerous notion. There are many incredibly valid reasons for wishing to engage in safer sex practices from respecting personal autonomy to enjoying the variety of sensations that some condom brands provide. Engaging in unprotected sex doesn’t mean that the relationship is better. In fact, if no conversation around boundaries and consent around different sexual activities has been had, or can be had for whatever reason, it can be a clear sign that the relationship may not be healthy.

Pushing for fluid bonding can potentially be damaging as well. If one partner is not ready, or not honest, it can expose both people to greater risks to their sexual health. It can also be damaging on an emotional level. No one likes to be pushed into anything, especially if they are feeling resistant.

Whether or not you and your partner decide to fluid bond is not an indicator of the success or failure of the relationship. It is not a sign that the relationship is more trusting or better than other people’s. Fluid bonding should not be an ideal but an informed decision made by two people in a relationship based on what is best for them and their relationship.

Make the Choice That is Right for You

When it comes to fluid bonding, there is no right or wrong answer. It depends on you and your partner. Ultimately, you need to discuss it and reach the decision that works best for both of you. Talking it out this way will increase the feelings of respect and emotional intimacy in your relationship regardless of what decision is made. The most important part is to keep the lines of communication open and keep enhancing your knowledge and sex, communication, and relationships. Join our mailing list to keep you on track on your journey to more satisfying sex today! Also, don’t miss the chance to pick up a unique item from our online shop.

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