Teela Hudak's Blog, page 48

Your Basic Guide to Water-Based Lube

Water-based lubricants can be used to really enhance your sexual experience. Whether you are enjoying some self-love or enjoying time with others, you may wish to try experimenting with some lubricants. Our bodies produce much of their own lubricants. Saliva is a free and readily available lube. Vulvae also produce their own lubrication. With the body’s natural ability to produce lubrication, why would we want to use a manufactured lube? It can be helpful for anal sex or if a person wants some extra stimulation to help the natural lubrication flowing.

How do you know what lubricant to choose though? There are a few different types of lubes: water, oil, and silicon. With each type, there are a variety of options available but each type has its pros and cons. In this article we will be going over save basics about water-based lubricants.

Benefits of Water-Based Lube

One of the best things about water-based lubes is that they are safe to use with barriers, such as condoms or dental dams. They won’t cause the latex to begin to break down or cause weak spots. You can enjoy some sexy time while ensuring that your method of birth control and STI prevention are perfectly intact.

Water-based lubes are also safe to use with the majority of sex toys. Good quality sex toys can be quite pricey so you want to make sure that you’re not ruining your nice new toy. Always be sure to check the box, or instructions, included with your toy. There will often be a guide to what lubricants are recommended and safe to use with the toy.

The major benefit of water-based lube is that the clean up after using it is the easiest. Since it is water-based, clean up usually just requires some warm water and perhaps some soap. You don’t have to worry about stains with water-based lubes as they will just eventually evaporate.

Drawbacks of Water-Based Lube

So it sounds like water-based lube is pretty great right? What cons could there be? Well one of the largest issues people have with this kind of lubricant is that it tends to evaporate much faster. It will need to be reapplied more frequently, depending on how long the activities go on. Stopping to reapply lube at the wrong moment can really spoil the flow of activities. You can reduce this potential awkwardness by placing your bottle at a convenient and easy to reach location to your fun. It can also help to have the lube in a container that makes dispensing it easier.

Another potential issue with this type of lube is that there are many water-based lubes on the market that contains glycerin or other petrochemicals that can cause vaginal infections. These ingredients are added to increase the shelf life of the lubricant but it’s important that you check the label. Try to choose lubes using more natural ingredients. Any lube with a “warming” sensation is going to contain more chemicals. If you do choose a lube that has glycerin or other petrochemicals in it, ensure that clean up happens quickly after the activities are over. The quicker you clean up with warm water, the less likely an infection will occur.

Take the Time to Learn What You Like

Trying out some water-based lube can be an easy attempt to try something new. There is nothing wrong with trying some simple experimentation to your usual routine. Sometimes it can lead you to discover new forms of pleasure you hadn’t thought of. Experimenting can be a bit anxiety provoking for lots of people. If this describes you, that’s ok. You set the terms for how much you try, how quickly, and in what order. Taking steps to improving your sex life is taking the time to try new things and discover what you like and what you don’t like. As you become better aware of your own preferences, you will relax more and heighten your enjoyment. Keep your learning at a comfortable pace but keep on learning. Join our mailing list for regular tips, discussion, and suggestions on how you can improve your sex life.

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Why Should You Pee After Sex?

So you’ve probably heard that people should be peeing after sex. If you’re a woman, you’ve probably heard this multiple times in your life. What’s the point? Does it matter for anyone with a penis to pee after sex? Is peeing after sex a mandatory must? Urinating, in general, serves an incredibly important function for our bodies. Peeing after sex can be an important step to taking care of our general physical health.

Benefits of Peeing After Sex

Urine acts as a natural cleanser for our own bodies. When we pee, we not only flush out waste, we are cleaning out any bacteria that our bodies don’t like before it can cause a problem. When we have unprotected sex with someone, we are exposing our bodies to any bacteria that may be on their skin. The bacteria may be from around the anus, carried in their sweat, or found in their mouth. It can also be part of that person’s natural body as not all bacteria is bad. Either way our bodies see it as foreign bodies.

If these foreign bodies have the chance to travel up the urethra to the bladder, it can cause a bladder infection. This is called a urinary tract infection, or a UTI. A UTI can cause a burning sensation when peeing as well as discomfort from internal inflammation.

Anyone can get a UTI but it is significantly more common for anyone who has a vulva. People with penises tend to have longer urethrae, so it is less likely that any bacteria is able to travel to the bladder and start an infection. People with vulvae tend to have shorter urethrae so getting a UTI is more likely.

Is It Mandatory?

Peeing after sex is not mandatory, just a good idea for some. If you are prone to bladder infections, then you might want to try to make a habit of it. It will reduce the number of urinary tract infections you get and if you are very sexually active that will make a huge difference to your overall health.

If you’ve never had, or rarely get, bladder infections then it is not as much of a priority for you. Listen to the rhythms of your own body and make the decision accordingly.

There is also no specific time it needs to happen either. You don’t need to jump up after sex to race to the bathroom. Best recommendation is within 30-45 minutes after but it can be pretty much any time you are ready. Just make sure that if your amorous activity is at the end of the day, you make sure to go before you go to sleep.

What If I Can’t Pee?

It’s normal to have difficulty peeing immediately after sex. When we are sexually engaged, our bodies release a whole bunch of hormones during orgasm. The release of the hormones signals to our bodies that the urinary tract should be closed. Your muscles tightly contract to prevent any urine from coming out during intercourse. It can take some time for those hormones to subside and allow those muscles to relax and allow urine to flow.

If you want to pee after sex but find it challenging, don’t fret. Just wait a bit longer and try again. Squeezing out a few drops isn’t going to be enough to flush everything out and it doesn’t need to happen immediately after sex. So take some time to cuddle and relax. You can also have some water to make sure you stay hydrated. Even when your muscles relax, you won’t feel like you can pee if you are dehydrated.

Keep Your Body Running Like a Well Oil Machine

Peeing after sex can be a great way to keep your body clear of infections. Repeated infections can sap our energy as well as impact our overall health. The better we maintain our health, the more we can enjoy fun sexy times as well as other great things life has to offer. Keep making steps and learning ways to improve your health and maximize your enjoyment of sex. Join our mailing list for more tips and information on how to improve your sex life!

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Should you Use Two Condoms at a Time?

Using condoms is usually a pretty good idea whether you’re wanting to avoid pregnancy or just protecting your sexual health. There are lots of different kinds of condoms that come in a variety of sizes. Some are specifically designed to enhance sexual pleasure. All the variety can make it fun to experiment to find out the ones you and your partner like best. Don’t be afraid to try some new types of condoms and have fun experimenting. There are a couple important things to remember while you’re having fun.

Can Two Condoms Be Used Together?

There’s a common misconception that it can provide extra protection to “double bag” with condoms. This means that you are either doubling up on the same type of condom or using a female condom and male condom at the same time. While it seems like this may provide extra protection, it actually puts people at greater risk.

During sex there is a lot of friction that happens. When you have two condoms, there is a lot of extra friction is adding by the two condoms rubbing against each other. The extra friction between the two condoms, even if lube is present, increases the risk that both condoms will break. So instead of having extra protection, you’ll end up with no protection at all.

Best safer sex practices should be the use of only a single condom at a time. If you are interested in having extra protection for birth control, there are a lot of other methods that can be used with condoms. You and your partner could explore the pull out method, hormonal birth control, or a variety of other methods we will discuss in future articles.

Is There Anything Else That Can Cause a Condom to Break?

There are a number of other things to keep in mind to keep condoms in good shape so they don’t break. Being aware of where you store your condoms is important. Keep them somewhere cool. While it may seem like a good idea to keep a condom handy in your wallet, the warmth of and pressure it undergoes when you sit on it can weaken it over time. If you want to keep one handy there, make sure it gets replaced at regular intervals if it doesn’t get used.

The person who is putting on the condom also needs to be careful that they are not using their nails on the condom. If using male condoms, don’t allow any nails to be used rolling down the sides of the condom. Instead use the sides of the thumbs to roll the condom down the penis. Nails can cause tears or weak spots in the condom that can cause them to break during sex.

It’s also important to keep in mind what kinds of condoms you are using and what type of lube you are using. Latex condoms can deteriorate when they come in contact with oil based lubes. So keep in mind what your condoms of choice are made of and choose an appropriate lubricant.

The More You Know!

Protecting you and your partner from unwanted consequences of enjoying each other is an important piece of the sexual puzzle. The more you know and understand about safer sex methods, the better protected you are, and the less you will worry about it. Knowledge will lead you and your partner to more satisfying sex. For even more articles to help you improve your sex life and relationships, join our mailing list.

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Is the Pull Out Method Effective?

If you’re considering birth control methods, you may be toying with the idea of the pull-out or withdrawal method. People employ this method by ensuring that the penis is withdrawn from the vagina prior to orgasm and ejaculation. The cum must be away from the vulva entirely.

Planned Parenthood estimates that using this method, approximately 1 in 5 people will get pregnant. Pulling out is not totally ineffective but it also still is not full proof. The hardest part about the withdrawal method is that people are not always able to judge the right time. Accidents can happen. Anyone considering using this method should consider a secondary method of birth control as well.

How Does it Work?

The person who is pulling out requires a lot of self control. They need to be able to know when they are about to orgasm and hold back that moment until after the penis is away from the vulva. This moment can be hard to determine if someone isn’t used to it. Masturbation can help people learn what it feels like just before they cum.

If there are any concerns or issues around premature ejaculation, this may make this method less effective as well. It can be hard for someone who starts to cum before they realize they’re ready to be able to pull out in time.

Trust needs to be between both partners as well. The partner with the vagina must trust that their partner will withdraw in time.

What About Pre-Cum? It’s There Sperm in It?

A lot of things are still unknown about pre-cum. Some smaller studies have found no sperm in the pre-cum. More recent studies have found that approximately one third of the participants has sperm present in their pre-cum.

The potential for sperm found in pre-cum can definitely impact the effectiveness of this method of birth control. It would also be impossible to know if a person would have sperm in their pre-cum without laboratory testing.

Does the Pull Out Method Prevent STIs?

No, the pull out method doesn’t prevent the transmission of sexually transmitted infections. If one person has a STI, and no barriers are used, there is nothing standing in the way of that infection being transferred to the partner.

Some STIs can be contracted through skin-to-skin contact such as HPV or gential herpes. Other STIs, such as gonorrhea, can be carried by pre-cum and the early transfer of fluids.

You and your partner should know your STI status if you plan on using any birth control methods that don’t incorporate some sort of barrier.

What Makes the Pull Out Method Great?

One of the great things about this method is that it’s free and is always an option. If you live in an area where birth control methods can be more difficult to come by, this is always an option. It’s better than no method of birth control at all.

The pull out method has no side effects. Unlike some other forms of birth control, such as hormonal, this method doesn’t subject you to any unwanted side effects.

It can also be paired with other forms of birth control to further reduce risks of pregnancy. There is nothing stopping you from adding this method as another measure to keep the risks of an unwanted pregnancy low.

Using the Pull Out Method is a Personal Choice

The pull out method is a recognized form of birth control, even though it tends to be less effective than other forms of birth control. What you and your partner choose should be dependent on what you feel will work best for you both. You should be the person to decide your own comfort level for what is best. Make sure that you have all the facts to make an informed decision. Join our mailing list for even more info!

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Is Masturbation Evil?

Masturbation can be a super taboo subject for many people. There is a lot of misinformation out there about masturbation. Many people today still see it as evil, unhealthy, and having severe moral and health consequences. Some children are still severely punished for exploring and learning about their body. Where do these negative feelings towards masturbation come from? Why is it seen in such a light?

Historical Views of the Evils of Masturbation

As we look back through history, we eventually start to see some literature emerge discussing masturbation. This is mostly through medical and psychological texts. In these articles, even sex for reproduction was seen as weakening and dangerous to the health. Around the 1700s, they viewed semen as a precious fluid that flowed throughout the body. It was seen as more crucial to our survival than blood. Therefore, any loss of semen was seen as weakening our body and affecting our health. They believed that semen performed the functions of testosterone in the body.

It was understood that sex was required for reproduction but people were discouraged from any other loss of semen. They even saw orgasm as an epileptic seizure that was a serious medical condition. It was thought to be responsible for all sorts of conditions such as blindness, insanity, liver failure, and eventually death.

Obviously, none of these things are medically true. We now know more about sperm production and semen. We now know that we have hormones like estrogen and testosterone that play vital roles in our bodies functioning. Semen is not responsible for our bodies’ functions. It is not dangerous to lose it from the body. So what does masturbation do?

Benefits of Masturbation

So if masturbation isn’t bad for you, is it good for you? The answer is actually yes. There are many benefits to enjoying some physical self-love. For starters by having regular contact with your genitals, you will be better aware if anything is wrong. Finding any lumps, sores, or anything unusual on your genitals can be a huge difference in treatment of any serious disease or cancer.

When you masturbate you are also able to determine what you like and what you don’t like. Knowing your own body makes it easier to communicate with your partner. It can also increase your sexual endurance and help you increase your pleasure for longer intervals during sex. Masturbation is a bit like practicing for sex. As with other things, when you practice you get better at it. It also becomes easier and you can relax and enjoy it more.

Masturbation is also good for stress relief. We know that continued stress can have some severe and lasting negative health benefits. Orgasms release endorphins and help your muscles relax. Research has shown that orgasms can reduce stress and improve overall health. It’s also been shown that penile masturbation can reduce the risk of prostate cancer.

Re-examine What You Know About Masturbation

No matter what your background and how you were raised, it never hurts to re-examine what you know about masturbation, sex, and sex education. The more you know, the more you can take that knowledge to improve your sex life and relationships. What were you taught about masturbation? If this article challenged what you knew about it, share it with someone you care about today. May is masturbation awareness month. Start a conversation today and expand some horizons. To keep your knowledge base growing, join our mailing list for even more information.

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How to Talk to Attractive Strangers

It can be hard to meet people. It can be even harder to meet someone for a more romantic relationship. Sometimes we may see someone on the street that we find attractive and that we would love to talk to. The question then becomes, should we try to talk to this person?

Engaging a random stranger on the street, or waiting for the bus, is not the best scenario. There are a lot of unknown variables. Are they in a rush? Are they having a bad day? Are they having a good day? Are they currently involved with someone? Would they be interested in talking? Are they shy? Would they speak to a stranger? Is their attention focused on something more important to them? So many unknown variables that could impact whether or not an interaction would be successful. So how should we proceed?

How To Tell If Someone is Open to Chatting

Most people wish to be polite so the majority of people won’t just say they don’t want to talk. Some people will even engage in what feels like awkward conversation because they are trying to be polite. Their responses, however, are short and they are wishing the interaction to end. They rely on us picking up on social and visual cues to leave them alone. Body language tells us a lot about where someone is at.

If a person has their headphones in, reading a book, engaged with their phone (either an active phone call or simply looking at the screen), this is usually a good clue that they are not open to talking to anyone. Many people when they are in transit take the time to give themselves some mental space. It’s a bit of quiet time throughout the day. The majority of people who enjoy this, usually don’t want it to be disturbed.

How to Initiate Successful Conversations with Attractive Strangers

If you see someone you think you want to talk to, you can try to make eye contact. If they make eye contact, try giving them a smile. If a smile is returning, take the next step and say, “hello”. The next moments will be very telling so pay attention! If the person returns the greeting but then resumes their interest in their phone, book, music, whatever they were doing before you walked up, then let it drop! They are not interested in talking or connecting with you! This is not automatically a personal slight. Remember there are a whole lot of reasons why a stranger in public may not be willing to talk. Be respectful and don’t intrude on what they are doing.

If the person disengages from their phone/book/music and makes more eye contact, you can try following up with a question. Perhaps ask them how they are or what they are reading or listening to. This can be a great conversation starter because it’s not too personal but appeals to their interests.

Continue to pay attention to their body language. Are they giving you short responses? Are they avoiding eye contact and looking around to others or the surrounding area? Is their body turned towards yours? These are social cues that their responses are only being polite and they aren’t actually interested in talking. If you’re getting these kinds of signs, politely disengage from the conversation. If they want to talk to you more, they will initiate more conversation.

Body Language is Key

Body language makes a lot of difference in most of our social interactions. It’s something that gives us deeper shades of meaning to what people are saying and how they are really feeling. Body language is not always something that is easy for people to understand and it can be impacted by cultural differences.

If someone seems like they could be uncomfortable, it is always better to err on the side of caution and give them some space. If they are just shy and want to keep the interaction going, they will take the next step and continue or restart the conversation.

If you struggle with understanding body language cues, the best way to get better is to learn more and practice. You can also sharpen your skills by trying to imagine how the other person could be feeling. Try not to focus just on how you hope they feel but the full range of possibilities of what they could be feeling.

Respecting Personal Boundaries is Key

No matter who you’re talking to, respect is totally key. Respect is one of the key foundations of any kind of relationship. Respecting someone’s personal space and privacy is very important. The more we all practice this in our daily lives, the better off the world will be. As people get better at responding to people with respect and courtesy, the quantity and quality of their relationships will start to greatly improve. How do you practice respecting boundaries in your daily life? Share this article with someone who needs it today! Be sure to sign up for our mailing list for even more articles on relationships, dating, and sex. Start the journey to improving your sex life today!

The post How to Talk to Attractive Strangers appeared first on Explore Sex Talk.

Should You Talk to Attractive Strangers?

It can be hard to meet people. It can be even harder to meet someone for a more romantic relationship. Sometimes we may see someone on the street that we find attractive and that we would love to talk to. The question then becomes, should we try to talk to this person?

Engaging a random stranger on the street, or waiting for the bus, is not the best scenario. There are a lot of unknown variables. Are they in a rush? Are they having a bad day? Are they having a good day? Are they currently involved with someone? Would they be interested in talking? Are they shy? Would they speak to a stranger? Is their attention focused on something more important to them? So many unknown variables that could impact whether or not an interaction would be successful. So how should we proceed?

How To Tell If Someone is Open to Chatting

Most people wish to be polite so the majority of people won’t just say they don’t want to talk. Some people will even engage in what feels like awkward conversation because they are trying to be polite. Their responses, however, are short and they are wishing the interaction to end. They rely on us picking up on social and visual cues to leave them alone. Body language tells us a lot about where someone is at.

If a person has their headphones in, reading a book, engaged with their phone (either an active phone call or simply looking at the screen), this is usually a good clue that they are not open to talking to anyone. Many people when they are in transit take the time to give themselves some mental space. It’s a bit of quiet time throughout the day. The majority of people who enjoy this, usually don’t want it to be disturbed.

How to Initiate Successful Conversations with Attractive Strangers

If you see someone you think you want to talk to, you can try to make eye contact. If they make eye contact, try giving them a smile. If a smile is returning, take the next step and say, “hello”. The next moments will be very telling so pay attention! If the person returns the greeting but then resumes their interest in their phone, book, music, whatever they were doing before you walked up, then let it drop! They are not interested in talking or connecting with you! This is not automatically a personal slight. Remember there are a whole lot of reasons why a stranger in public may not be willing to talk. Be respectful and don’t intrude on what they are doing.

If the person disengages from their phone/book/music and makes more eye contact, you can try following up with a question. Perhaps ask them how they are or what they are reading or listening to. This can be a great conversation starter because it’s not too personal but appeals to their interests.

Continue to pay attention to their body language. Are they giving you short responses? Are they avoiding eye contact and looking around to others or the surrounding area? Is their body turned towards yours? These are social cues that their responses are only being polite and they aren’t actually interested in talking. If you’re getting these kinds of signs, politely disengage from the conversation. If they want to talk to you more, they will initiate more conversation.

Body Language is Key

Body language makes a lot of difference in most of our social interactions. It’s something that gives us deeper shades of meaning to what people are saying and how they are really feeling. Body language is not always something that is easy for people to understand and it can be impacted by cultural differences.

If someone seems like they could be uncomfortable, it is always better to err on the side of caution and give them some space. If they are just shy and want to keep the interaction going, they will take the next step and continue or restart the conversation.

If you struggle with understanding body language cues, the best way to get better is to learn more and practice. You can also sharpen your skills by trying to imagine how the other person could be feeling. Try not to focus just on how you hope they feel but the full range of possibilities of what they could be feeling.

Respecting Personal Boundaries is Key

No matter who you’re talking to, respect is totally key. Respect is one of the key foundations of any kind of relationship. Respecting someone’s personal space and privacy is very important. The more we all practice this in our daily lives, the better off the world will be. As people get better at responding to people with respect and courtesy, the quantity and quality of their relationships will start to greatly improve. How do you practice respecting boundaries in your daily life? Share this article with someone who needs it today! Be sure to sign up for our mailing list for even more articles on relationships, dating, and sex. Start the journey to improving your sex life today!

The post Should You Talk to Attractive Strangers? appeared first on Explore Sex Talk.

Face Licking: When Will It Be a Consent Issue?

Recently there has been some upset in the world of hockey when one particular player, Brad Marchand, has been put on suspension for licking the face of two other players during the game. The more recent incident happened after Marchand had been punched a few times. He decided to respond by licking the other player’s face. NHL has warned Marchand with a threat of discipline. Marchand continues to be flippant about the situation. It’s clear he doesn’t see this as a big deal.

Why Isn’t the Face Licking Being Seen as a Consent Issue?

What’s interesting about a lot of the media coverage of this situation is that so far no one is seeing this as a consent issue. It’s clear that many people are upset about it, not just the players on the receiving end of the unwanted tongue. There is a lot of talk about how it’s a violation and that it should be seen on the same level as spitting, which is a $200 fine. Marchand has been quoted as calling that idea “cute” and through his twitter posts it’s clear he doesn’t care.

The only person who has weighed in on this issue as bordering on consent is Don Cherry. He pointed out that this is on par as a kiss, a French kiss even. Cherry has also acknowledged that this is not an OK action. If this face licking had happened to a woman instead of another man, there would be a lot of calling this out as a consent issue. So why aren’t we talking about this here?

How is This a Consent Issue?

When you think about it, licking someone’s face is an incredibly intimate act. A person has to move very close into the personal space of someone else. That closeness to the face is usually reserved only for those who we are the most intimate with. Our intimacy in this area is also usually reserved most for those who we share a romantic attachment to. The use of the tongue for contact also is associated very strongly with kissing and sex.

All of these things tie into our feelings of how we would respond to someone unfamiliar, and that we potentially don’t like, leaning in and licking our face. It could be seen very much as a violation of autonomy in a way that is very personal. Situations like this should not happen in a private setting, nevermind one that is supposed to be a professional atmosphere. As a highly paid professional who is seen as a role model for many young people, this is even more unacceptable behavior.

The fact that Marchand doesn’t see it as a big deal speaks to the base attitude and entitlement that is the main problem at the root of consent issues. Why does he feel that he is entitled to violate the bodily space of someone else in such a cozy way?

Keep Your Face-Licking to Yourself, Unless You’re Asked!

Consent is all about respecting the bodily space of someone else. We should not be licking the faces of others unless that person is asking us to. A professional who is a role model to many young people should be setting a better example. Everyone needs to learn more and practice consent. If you’re interested in learning more, check out my book, “Got Consent?“, and join our mailing list for even more great articles!

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Who Remembers Being an Infant? Does Infancy Attachment Impact Your Relationships?

Do you remember being a baby? Do you remember the things you did with your caregiver? Chances are the answer to that question is no. This doesn’t mean that that time doesn’t play a hugely significant role in how we develop. Infancy attachment plays a major role in our development or trust and how we approach future relationships.

The human brain is truly an amazing thing. It continues to grow well after our birth and doesn’t reach it’s full development until we are in our early 20s. After we are born, our brain grows quickly and forms connections to help us adapt to our environment. While most of us don’t remember our early infant years, this time has a huge impact on us. The interactions we have from newborn to about three years old plays a significant role in comfortable and easy we form connections and relationships. It is also has a huge impact on how we are able to handle stress.

Infancy Attachment and the Caregiver

The bond we form with the person giving us the most care as an infant shapes how we see relationships and the world. As an infant, we experience others as part of ourselves. We haven’t quite developed enough to understand that they are separate individuals from us. If you watch a person caring for an infant, you will see that they often engage in simple facial games. The baby will smile, the caregiver will smile and vice versa. Often happy baby sounds are mimicked back and forth between the caregiver and the infant.

When these mirroring things happen, the baby’s brain learns that the environment is responsive to them. It suggests to the brain that the environment is nurturing and the brain develops accordingly. Such environments allow the baby to develop attachments and feel secure. They know that this caregiver will respond to them. It may seem like a simple thing but this is a crucial trust building time. It is our first exposure to relationships.

If a baby is neglected and does not receive positive responses, or any responses, from its environment then something different occurs. The message is sent to the brain that the world is not a supportive place and the brain prepares the baby for survival. If this happens, the baby will be less likely to form attachments easily.

By the time we are about three years old, many of the neural pathways developed from infancy are set. Our brains have responded to the environment and prepared the brain for what seems like the best chance for the baby’s survival. It is this foundation that sets the stage for how we form attachments for the rest of our lives.

Can We Ever Change Our Sense of Attachment?

So if our neural pathways are set, does that mean we can never change? Those who have trouble will attachment are just screwed? Not that is not always the case. Those who experienced a stress forming attachments as infants will have more trouble than those who did not but there is more to it. As we continue to develop, we continue to change according to our experiences with our environment. What happens in the years following our initial development makes a huge difference. The longer we go in abusive, neglectful, or damaging environments the worse the damage will obviously be.

It takes work to overcome these experiences and trauma but that doesn’t mean that it’s impossible. Human nature thrives on interpersonal contact. The important piece is whether or not a person feels that their relationships have problems. If they feel they are disconnected and wish to change. It is almost impossible to force a change in someone not willing, not to mention you’d probably have to resort to some highly unethical methods.

If someone wants to explore their trouble with attachments, it’s best to find the appropriate supports. This can be a therapist or support group. It can even be doing personal research and introspection. Not one way will be right for everyone. Although those who choose to do it alone may miss out on the insights of others that could help.

Being Comfortable Forming Relationships

Our sense of attachment really comes down to our basic sense of trust. How we trust others when we form any kind of relationship with them. Our basic sense of trust is something we learn right from infancy, whether we remember it or not. We are impacted by it. It’s important that we understand our own comfort level with forming attachments. This understanding will help us determine what will and will not work for us. It will also help us figure out what our limitations are, whether we want to try to change them, and the best way to move forward. Share this article with someone you care about today. Start the conversation that can help lead to a healthier and more satisfied you. Also be sure to join our mailing list for even more great information and advice!

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What Does Evolving Sexuality Mean?

Is there such a thing as an evolving sexuality? A good portion of people are still raised with the idea that sexual orientation is a strict binary, you like men or you like women. It is seen as fairly static, only one of the two options, and unlikely to change over the course of someone’s life. That is not always the case and it’s not strange to explore outside the accepted societal binaries. Why would we do this? Because it’s perfectly natural to have an evolving sexuality and identity. We change our attitudes, feelings, and thoughts about countless other things throughout life. We acquire new tastes and discard older ones. Our sexuality and sexual preferences are no different. There are a number of different sexual orientations that may speak to us. What calls to us may also change throughout our lifespan.

Does Everyone Experience An Evolving Sexuality?

Sexual orientation and preferences are an extremely personal thing. Not everyone will feel the need to question who they feel attracted to. Some people are quite comfortable sticking with the common society standard. There is nothing wrong with this. There is also nothing wrong with questioning.

Questioning sexuality can be a confusing, and sometimes isolating, time for many. Much of mainstream media is geared towards heterosexual couples. Folks who are not experiences the same desires as those expressed by their peers may feel like there is something wrong with them, especially when they are younger. The important thing to remember is that it’s perfectly natural to be one of the questioning folks. Nature is full of examples of different types of sexuality. LGBTQA is expressed in different ways throughout the entire animal kingdom.

Is Sexuality Always Evolving? Or Is It Just a Phase?

The journey for everyone is different. How much experimentation and change occurs depends on the experiences a person has and how they are impacted by them. Our upbringing and current environment also play significant roles in our level of comfort and ability to experiment. All these factors change the journey of self-discovery for every single person. The journey ends when and where the person taking it decides they feel comfortable with who they are and who they are attracted to or they wish to stop exploring. For some people, this is a journey takes a whole lifetime.

Whether or not a particular sexual preference or orientation is a phase can only be determined by that individual. Often the phrase, “it’s just a phase,” it’s used to diminish our experience. It can be belittling to those who are experiencing something new. If anyone feels unsure about exploring a different area of their sexuality, hearing this from a lover, friend, or family member can be devastating. Overall the phrase tends to be more harmful than helpful.

Don’t Be Afraid of Your Own Evolving Sexuality

The more questions we ask ourselves, the more we come to learn about ourselves. Whatever level you feel that your sexuality is fluid, don’t be afraid to ask yourself what you truly desire. You don’t need to act on it. You don’t need to change how you are living your life. The choice is always yours. You have the power to decide what it means to you. Examining how you feel can simply help you understand yourself better. It may lead you to better relationships and increase your overall happiness. Who wouldn’t like to be happier? Share this article with someone you care about today. Help spread the message of love and self-acceptance in your circles. Also, don’t forget to join our mailing list for even more great articles!

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