Teela Hudak's Blog, page 47
May 26, 2018
Is Nudity Always Sexual?
There is a strong connection between nudity and sexuality. It makes sense because for a lot of sexual activity, a person needs to be at least partially naked. We also may experience sexual desires from seeing someone else naked.
In most areas of the world, we don’t have a lot of modern-day context for nudity that isn’t associated with sex. It’s rare to see any popular media that doesn’t tie the two together as if they are one and the same. But are they really? There are some distinct differences between being naked and being sexual. One is not always the other.
Expressing Sexuality is a Choice
When we are feeling our sexuality, we choose to communicate it deliberately. We choose to express it in a number of ways from verbal to physical. While some people may naturally act in a way that others find highly arousing, it doesn’t mean that person is trying to be sexual. We aren’t always trying to initiate sexual activities and in some situations, it really wouldn’t be appropriate.
There are also lots of other ways we signal sexual interest or express our sexuality that have nothing to do with how we are (or are not) dressed. We can express our sexuality clearly without ever taking off a single piece of clothing. When we have desire and intent to engage others in a sexual way, we choose to express that. It is our choice. Just like it is the choice of the other person to accept or reject our interest.
Nudity is Natural, Not a Show
Humans are really complex creatures. We have morals, values, and ideas about ourselves that vary across the globe. No matter where you go on the planet there, no matter what society you’re in and what ideals they have, there is one basic truth about every human. We are all born naked. We all have to be in various states of nudity when we change clothes, wash our bodies, and expel waste. How many people feel uber sexy sitting on the toilet? Or having a shower? It’s true that some people will feel sexy during these activities but not all the time. Most people don’t find these kinds of activities inherently sexual at all. Yet we are naked or at least partially nude for them.
Nudity is a natural state of being. It’s not a show we put on for someone else. It is just us and our bodies. We do not always feel sexual every time we are naked. We should not allow others to have so much power over us that we can’t be nude without being objectified. Our choice to express our sexuality is simply that, our choice.
While we usually have a say in the times that we are naked, it is still a natural state. We should not associate nudity exclusively with sexuality. If we do, we can disconnect ourselves from our bodies and only appreciate them for a single part of their function.
Sexuality is About Connection
No matter what our sexual orientation is, when we look at how we sexually relate to others it is all about connection. What kind of connection we have and how we like to connect. What makes us comfortable, relaxed, and feeling close to another person. Depending on the different aspects of sex that appeal to you, that sense of connection may be on a range of different levels. It’s very personal and intimate because it will vary from person to person.
Nudity can enhance that sense of connection to someone else but it doesn’t have to be present for it to happen. You can also be naked with another person present and have no sexual connection to them. Context means a lot.
Challenge Your Perceptions About Nudity & Sexuality
There are some distinct differences between nudity and sexuality despite the fact that they can go hand in hand. Don’t be afraid to explore new concepts and redefine how you see sexuality and nudity. Asking these questions of ourselves helps us grow as people. As our understanding of our own sexuality becomes better, we are able to find our way to increase our sexual enjoyment and confidence. Share this article with your circles and get some other opinions. Also be sure to sign up for our mailing list for even more conversation starters!
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May 25, 2018
When is Consent Freely Given?
The Use of Power to Coerce
No one should ever be intimidated or bullied into giving consent. When someone gives the sexual go ahead, they should never be pressured or feel coerced into giving it. Once again this feels like a total give in but it actually happens a fair amount. A common way consent is coerced is when there is a difference in power in a relationship. This can be found in workplace romances or in relationships where people have different socio-economic statuses. People can feel the pressure to consent when they don’t have equal footing in the relationship. If their refusal can cause them negative consequences for their life outside of the sexual relationship, this can clearly influence their choice.
Power imbalances can be very tricky because of the incredibly vulnerable place they can put the victim. Often, the victim has a lot less options and also gets few ways to receive justice. These types of consent violations have become more of a focal point for many conversations around consent. It’s becoming easier for people to see and understand how power plays a role in forcing someone’s consent. We are starting to more clearly define what is acceptable and what is not. It’s important that we continue to hold those in power accountable and responsible for how that power is used.
Consent Needs to Be Free From All Types of Coercion
Power imbalances are not the only way someone’s consent can be coerced. A common perception is that people should be persistent when pursuing a love or sexual interest. That people should not take no for an answer and continue to pursue, ask, flatter, seduce, or override every objection that comes up. When someone is constantly hassled they may begin to feel that there is no other choice. Their choice to consent may be coerced by feeling it’s becoming unsafe to refuse or that they don’t have any other options. If all of their previous objections and refusals have been ignored, how many ways can they say no? Will refusing one more time make any difference?
For consent to be freely given, someone can’t be harassed into it. People need to be taking the initial refusal at face value and leave it at that. If there is real and genuine interest from the person declining, they will make the next step. It creates a safe space where both people are choosing to move forward because they want to. It reduces the risk that anyone is being put in a situation they don’t want to be in.
Consent Needs to Be Informed
In order for us to be able to freely choose to give our consent, we need to know what we are consenting to. This means we need to be of sound mind and aware. We need to know what we are agreeing to and with whom as well. This all plays heavily into our choice to give our consent freely.
Our choice to consent in a particular situation is based on more than just our desire. We make the decision based on all the information we have available to us. Do we like the person? Are they looking for a one night stand or a relationship? Are they currently involved with anyone? What is their STI status? What kind of sexual activities is there interest in? All of these things and more inform our decision.
A common socially accepted form of coercing consent is the use of mind or mood altering substances like alcohol. Many people see alcohol as a crucial ingredient to successful dating and lubricating the conversation so that it will lead to sex. It’s no secret that alcohol has a significant impact on our decision-making capabilities. Things that we would never normally do sober may sound ok when we are under the influence. A lot of people have been socially conditioned that it’s perfectly acceptable, and a great strategy, to take advantage of this fact. The truth is that consent was never freely given because the person was not actually fully aware.
Consent is an Evolving Conversation
We are still learning and exploring consent conversations. There a lot of people on board with the message of freely given consent but there are still people out there who don’t really get it yet. It’s important that we keep learning and engaging with the evolving conversations around consent. The more we know, the more we can engage others and create safer spaces for everyone. Pick up your own copy of “Got Consent?” for a solid and well-rounded base of information on consent. Also be sure to sign up for our mailing list for more articles and discussions on consent and other important topics related to sex.
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May 23, 2018
The Steel Phallus Festival
In Japan every year there is the Kanamara Matsuri, or Steel Phallus Festival, in the first weekend in April. It happens at the Kanayama Shrine in Kawasaki which is a fertility shrine.
This festival is a penis-themed celebration of fertility, reproduction, and sexual health. There is a large push to generate awareness and funds for research on sexually transmitted infections.
The festival started in 1969 and each year has continued to grow in popularity with tourists and locals alike. The festival is heavily influenced by the nature-based Shinto religion and focuses on being sex positive. The events of the festival are made to be LGBT-inclusive and sex-positive.
[image error]Kanayama Shrine
The Legend Behind the Steel Phallus Festival
One of the major inspirations behind many of the festivities is an old legend. It tells of a demon, hundreds of years ago, that fell in love with a beautiful woman. He seduced her and was a jealous lover. When the woman didn’t return his feelings, he plot his revenge.
On the night of her wedding, the demon crawled inside the woman’s vagina and bit off the penis of her husband when they went to consummate the marriage. The woman remarried and it happened on the second wedding night as well. The woman sought the help of a blacksmith who forged her a steel penis. She managed to trick the demon into biting down on it and breaking his teeth. Defeated the demon finally left the woman.
The steel penis is a focal point of the Kanayama Shrine and a symbol for the festival. Historically, it was popular for sex trade workers to attend the shrine to pray for protection from sexually transmitted infections.
Today the Kanayama Shrine is still a well-known fertility shrine and a popular location for anyone praying for increased fertility, easing childbirth, and even for improving sex between a couple.
[image error]What Festivities Take Place?
The festival is completely penis-themed. There are many vendors selling unique fertility themed objects from candles, masks, ornaments, gag gifts, sex toys, and more. Everything is penis or vulva themed.
There’s more to see and do than just vendors though. The festival holds a number of fun activities such as carving a penis out of radishes or riding a giant wooden penis.
People often dress up in funny costumes and there are photo booths. It’s common to see fertility statues or large penises carried through the streets. At some point through the festival, an official parade is also part of the activities.
The Kanamara Matsuri is an All-Inclusive Event
The priests of the Kanayama Shrine in charge of the event stress that while this event is fun, it does have deeply rooted spiritual beliefs. The event is meant to be all-inclusive with no one turned away. The priests make a point of including everyone of any sexual orientation and gender.
The festival doesn’t discriminate in age either. It’s common for people to bring their children along to learn about sexual health and participate in the activities.
Celebrate Sexuality and Fertility
The Steel Phallus Festival is all about celebrating sexuality and fertility as well as learning about and raising money for sexual health. We can learn a thing or two about from the philosophies of the Kanayama Shrine. Take a step towards celebrating your sexuality and allow yourself to relax and have a little fun about it. Don’t be afraid to learn more about sexually transmitted infections and what you can do to protect your sexual health. Join our mailing list for a steady stream of well-researched information to expand your knowledge and improve your sex life. Join today!
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May 22, 2018
What is Sex Positivity?
There are a lot of ways to look at sexuality. People are influenced by their upbringing, culture, religion, and their life experiences. Our ideas about sexuality evolve throughout our lives based on all these factors. As we have more open discussion in society about sex and relationships, we’ve developed new ideas and terminology. In recent years, there has been more and more talk about being “sex positive” but what does this really mean?
What Does Sex Positivity Mean?
The idea of being sex positive stems from the roots of being comfortable with your body, sex, and sexuality in general. It is an approach and attitude. People who are sex-positive accept that sex is a natural part of life and are accepting of it. They are open to learning about the different aspects of sexuality and themselves. They also challenge many of the preconceived and popular notions about sex.
Sex positivity embraces personal choice in level of interest in sex as well as which sex practices a person participates in. This means that sex-positive people don’t judge others for their sexual preferences. The focus is on whether or not people engaging in those activities are consenting or not. There is no moral judgment on the activities themselves. There is also no pressure and moral judgment if someone declines an interest in sexual activities some or all of the time.
The fundamental idea about sex positivity is consent, personal choice, and non-judgment.
So What’s the Downside?
Well that all sounds lovely and super empowering, so why don’t some people don’t like it? Well like many other things in life, the flaw is not in the ideology but potentially it’s practice. No one is perfect and we all are on our individual journeys that are on different spots on the road. We face challenges as they arise and people who sex-positive are no different.
It can be difficult to challenge a lifetime of preconceived ideas. We all have more growing to do, more prejudices to worth through. It’s a part of being human. Despite how sex-positive a person, or community of people, maybe there are still things that come up that go against the primary philosophy. It may be that a person hasn’t had the chance to confront their own prejudice towards a certain activity or orientation or it may be that they aren’t ready to confront those prejudices yet. We need to be patient with ourselves as well as others and as we continue to strive towards our ideals.
People also assume that being comfortable with the idea of a particular sexual activity means that you must be into doing it. That is not the case at all. A person may be ok with others making the personal choice to engage in something kinky, for example, and have no desire to engage in the activity themselves. You don’t need to want to do every possibility under the sun to be ok with other people choosing to do it.
Be Humble & Keep Growing Towards Sex Positivity
If you like the idea of sex positivity, remember that it’s something that you can continue to strive for. It can take some time to become more comfortable with the idea of all the different aspects of sexuality that exist. Keep an open mind and take the time to learn about each thing as it comes up. Gaining all the knowledge will take time and research. Join our mailing list to cut down on your research time and take the next steps towards sex positivity.
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May 21, 2018
Do You Get Embarrassed Talking About Sex?
Sex can be a difficult topic and many people are easily embarrassed talking about it. There are plenty of reasons why it can be a really uncomfortable topic. It can depend on how a person was raised, their cultural background, their previous experiences, and their religious beliefs. All of these things come together and influence our comfort levels with sex. If the sum of all those things leaves us in an uncomfortable place talking about sex, it can take a lot of conscious effort on our part to get over it.
Why Should We be Comfortable Talking About Sex
Have you ever noticed that when something is uncomfortable you really avoid doing it? Many people avoid exercise, like push-ups, because they can be challenging and uncomfortable to do correctly. We all know the benefits of being physically fit but our discomfort will keep us from achieving that goal. If we get over our discomfort and practice those push-ups, we get better at them. They get easier and we start to enjoy them more because we are proud of our accomplishment. Getting over our discomfort with sex can do something very similar for us.
Sex is a perfectly natural thing and part of the human experience for our entire existence. Not only is it essential to the survival of humanity, it can be pleasurable. When we are more comfortable with the topic, it’s easier to relax when engaging in sexual activity. The more relaxed you are, the easier it becomes to enjoy what you are experiencing.
Developing a laid-back attitude about your sexuality is one of the keys to unlocking your own sexual power. You will be able to connect with your body on new levels and find more sexual satisfaction. This will help you get more cozy with yourself. Once you are comfortable in your own skin, your confidence and self-esteem will increase as well.
How Do I Get Over Getting Embarrassed?
The easiest way to get over your discomfort doing something is to take a deep breath and start doing it. You can start simply by having conversations about sex with your partner. This should make it easier since you will already be on more intimate terms with that person. Even if you and your partner have not engaged in a lot of sexual activity, if you are open to doing it with them then you should be able to at least talk about it. In a supportive relationship, your partner should not make you feel bad for being awkward about it. The more you discuss it with them nonchalantly, the easier it will become.
If you currently do not have a partner, you can open up the conversation with some close friends. Swapping knowledge with friends can be a great way to learn more and expand your horizons. Just keep in mind that your friends may also have trouble talking about it. Be sure to check in with your close friends to make sure that they feel comfortable discussing sex with you. Keep the conversation and level of detail appropriate for the friendship and be respectful towards their feelings.
If you’re not quite feeling like you’re ready to take the plunge into a conversation, start educating yourself. Pick up some books, read a few more blogs, listen to some podcasts, or watch some sex education shows. As you begin to learn more about the topic, it should start to feel less intimidating. You should start to feel better prepared to have conversations about it. If you find that this isn’t helping you get past your discomfort, you may wish to consider exploring the issue further with a counselor or some other professional.
Take Control of Your Sex Life by Getting Over Embarrassment
Life is too short to waste time being embarrassed by something that is perfectly natural and healthy. You can take the first steps toward empowering yourself and gaining comfort over your own body. All you need to do is take a deep breath and decide you want to move forward. You’ve already taken the first step with reading this blog post. Wasn’t it easy? Take the next baby step and read one more. Feel free to join our mailing list to have content delivered to you regularly and keep you on track to a better sex life today!
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May 20, 2018
5 Reasons Why A Vulva May Smell Different
A vulva is a complex system. It has its own pH balance and produces its own healthy bacteria and fluids that naturally clean the vagina. Everyone has their own natural odor that they give off but sometimes that odor can be different or unpleasant. There are a number of things that could impact the smell of a vulva. Depending on what a person is experiencing they should consult a medical professional. When in doubt, it’s always a good idea to check in with a medical professional to make sure it’s nothing serious.
1. Hygiene
It’s no secret that people sweat. When we get warm, we sweat from a variety of areas on our bodies to release heat and help cool us down. The crotch, like the armpits, is one of the areas where sweat is released. Sweating in our groin can be intensified by the kind of clothes and fabrics we wear as well. If we are wearing tight clothing and fabrics that don’t breathe, this can trap in sweat, bacteria, and bad smells.
The smells of the vulva can also be impacted by the kinds of soaps and cleaning products that we use. Some soaps can upset the pH balance in the vagina or they can clean away the natural good bacteria that the vulva needs. When these balances are thrown off, it can cause a funny smell.
2. Diet Can Affect Smell
When we eat certain foods, any strong odors associated with those foods tend to come out in our sweat. Garlic, asparagus, and other similar foods that are known for putting off a strong smell can impact how we smell. While some will argue there is no scientific evidence to support this, there is a history of anecdotal evidence that suggests that it does make a difference.
If you are noticing a strong unpleasant smell with a few meals of unhealthy foods, try switching up the diet for a few days. If this doesn’t help, consider checking in with a medical professional.
3. The Menstruation Cycle
At different times throughout the month, the vulva can give off some different smells depending on where a person is in their menstrual cycle. Throughout the month, the body will release different hormones. These changes can change the type of smell the vulva releases.
Another thing to remember is that if tampons are used during that time of the month, to ensure that all tampons are properly removed in a timely fashion. A buildup of menstrual blood from a tampon left in too long can result in an unpleasant smell and potentially develop into an infection.
4. An Active Sex Life
Some types of condoms, lube, spermicides, and toys can interfere with the pH balance of a vulva. Every person will be different so some brands may impact people differently. Be sure to pay attention to any irritation that comes from anything used during your sexual adventures. Is there any irritation? Did you notice a smell or any discomfort in the days following?
Unusual smells can also come from having unprotected penile-vaginal sex. The natural semen of one person can interact with the natural bacteria in the vagina and cause an unusual smell.
5. Infections
There are a few different infections that could cause an unusual and unpleasant smell. Infections could range from a yeast infection to a sexually transmitted infection like trichomoniasis. Infections will often, but not always, come with other symptoms. A person experiencing an infection may also experience a sense of burning, itching, or a vaginal discharge.
If you suspect that an infection is present, it’s important to follow up with a medical professional as soon as possible. Depending on the type of infection present, the treatment required and the possible impacts on your health will vary depending on what type of infection it is. It’s much better to safeguard your health and get checked out and the problem taken care of sooner.
Increase Your Vulva Knowledge
One of the best ways we can improve our sex life is by increasing our knowledge about sexual health and anatomy. This knowledge can be shared with partners, friends, family, and anyone else important in your life. Even if you don’t have a vulva yourself, it’s important to know about them. The more knowledge that is common, the better the chance that we can catch any health issues before they become serious. Share this article with your circles today. What do you know about vulva health? Join our mailing list to grow your knowledge with ease!
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May 19, 2018
3 Tips to Resolving a Fight with Your Partner
Solid and open communication is the key to any kind of successful relationship. The difficult thing about communication is that there are many different layers to being able to do it successfully. When we are having a fight with someone close to us, emotions can end up running high. We can feel vulnerable it can be really hard to think clearly. This can make clear communication even more challenging. So how do we handle an intense fight with a romantic partner? How do we keep those lines of communications open?
In a Fight, Timing is Everything
Usually fights aren’t a predictable thing. They often pop up in the moment and not always when it’s most convenient. The point of that isn’t to make it the most difficult but it’s usually triggered by something for someone. Whatever the reason someone feels the need to start the fight at that moment, it’s usually because the person feels pushed from something internal. They may know it’s not the best time but feel that they can’t wait any longer. If your partner is raising the issue with you, it’s important that you take the moment to stop and listen. This can be challenging when you’re caught off guard but it can be crucial in keeping communication open.
Taking the time to talk it out when it happens can be pretty important. People may have been trying to work up the courage to bring up the issue. If it is immediately brushed off, they may feel like their concerns are not being taken seriously or that they are less important. People are also more likely to be more honest in the moment where they feel ready to talk about it. If the conversation gets rescheduled, they may be in a different head space and not have everything they wanted to say in mind.
If it truly is not the moment that you can take or if there’s some other more pressing reason why it can’t be talked out then, it’s best to communicate that gently with your partner. Be clear about the reasons that the conversation needs to happen later. Ask them if it’s ok if the conversation is had later. And here’s the really important piece, schedule a time to sit down and talk about it later. It’s really important for the follow through to happen. If it doesn’t, it will erode the trust in your relationship and make things worse.
Keep a Cool Head
It’s natural for our emotions to run really hot during a fight with someone we are close to. The tough part about this is that it can compromise our thinking. We may say things we don’t mean or be intentionally hurtful in the heat of the moment. It may feel good at that point but it probably won’t later. It also won’t be good for the health of your relationship.
Everyone is different when it comes to conflict. There are a lot of different ways that people prefer to handle it or how they cope with it. When speaking to your partner, remember that how they cope with it may be very different from you. Remember to take a deep breath. Listen to the needs of your partner and if you need to moment to think or take a breath, let them know that.
The best way to ensure that fights don’t get too intense is to try to keep tension from building up. If something is bothering you, don’t let it build up. Bring it up with your partner and talk it out before it becomes a real issue. Create safe spaces for your partner to also bring up things that may be on their mind. This is an important part of keeping relationships strong.
Be Aware of Dismissive & Triggering Language
We all come with a past and previous experiences. Whether these are from friendships and relationships from our childhood to previous romantic attachments. Each of these interactions leaves their imprint on us. We grow with each relationship we have. Sometimes some of those attachments were hurtful, abusive, or damaging to our self-esteem. These memories and feelings can be triggered by certain words, phrases, mannerisms, or actions that were common from those bad situations. It’s important that we are aware of what we find uncomfortable and why. When these are communicated to our partners, it can help avoid an unnecessary upset.
If your partner has communicated anything that reminds them of past hurt, do your best to avoid those triggers during a fight. Using them, even unintentionally, can severely damage the trust in your relationship and escalate the fight. It can make your partner feel as if you don’t care about them. It can also create an association between you and the past negativity.
Don’t Let Fights Get Out of Hand
Fights in a relationship can happen for a lot of different reasons but it doesn’t need to always be intense or over the top. You and your partner can resolve any issues you have by taking things one step at a time, remembering to respect each other’s boundaries, and keeping communication open and safe. We are all on a journey and it takes knowledge and practice to get better. Keep building your knowledge and talk to people in your life. Join our mailing list for more great articles to help keep your journey going.
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May 18, 2018
What is Pornography?
Pornography, often called porn, is a representation of sexual behavior that is meant to excite and cause sexual arousal. It can be in many different forms like video, pictures, podcasts, books, statues, or other media.
The word, pornography, is was originally defined as any work of literature or art depicting the life of prostitutes. It is derived from the Greek words porni, which means prostitute, and graphein which means to write.
Is Pornography Erotic or Obscene?
Perceptions around porn are very subjective and will be based heavily on a person’s upbringing and culture. In different areas of the world, it will be seen in a different light. Religion and views on sex will also have a tremendous impact on how people see porn.
Pornography always seems to be straddling the line between erotic and obscene. As the content is always sexual and what is arousing will vary from person to person, the same representation could be seen as erotic by one person but totally obscene by someone else. It’s also true that some representations may not be concerned porn at all by one person’s standards but a different person would see the same piece as porn.
Everyone across the world has different measurement of what counts as porn. It is highly subjective and influenced by politics, religion, race, gender, and sexuality of a person.
A Brief History of Pornography
It’s challenging to chart the history of porn because it is so subjective. What would be considered erotic imagery of the past is just common place for some eras through history.
In ancient Rome and Greece, it was very common for a lot of phallic imagery and depictions of sexual activity to be present but from what we know, it would not have been considered porn as we define it today. Many cultures across history and the world have created a variety of depictions. Some of them have served religious purposes while others were just depicting another aspect of life.
As technology began to advance, images of sexuality became more prevalent and readily available. As the world moved into the 1800s, porn shops started to emerge in major cities. With each advancement of technology, porn would see a surge in popularity. Its popularity is particularly persistent in times throughout our history where society has taken on more puritanical views.
How Do You Define Pornography?
Each person must decide for themselves how they feel about pornography. There is no right or wrong answer. As with other aspects of sexuality, it’s something that you should decide your own comfort level with. There are many personal factors which will come into play for how you feel about it or if any of it appeals to you. Continue to learn more and make your own choices. Join our mailing list for more great articles.
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May 17, 2018
Sexual Violence & the LGBTQ2S* Community
Sexual violence is an ongoing problem for many communities across the world. It is a very complex issue that is influenced by a variety of different factors. There is a common perception that sexual violence only happens towards women but this is not always the case. People of any gender can experience sexual violence. Research has confirmed that those who belong to the LGBTQ2S* community tend to experience more sexual assaults and violence than the heterosexual population. The CDC conducted a national survey in 2010 and found that rates are significantly higher for those who identify on the LGBTQ2S* spectrum.
@penmistress , photographer: @maggie.hospersA Snapshot of Sexual Violence & the LGBTQ2S* Community
From recent research in the US and Canada, we know that approximately 44% of the LGBTQ2S* community have reported experiencing sexual violence. On the 2015 Transgender Survey that rate was a solid 47% of people who took the survey. It is extremely probable that this still is not even an accurate picture of what is really happening. Sexual assaults and violence are the most under-reported crimes in any community.
There are a lot of reasons why a person would be reluctant to report a sexual assault. Someone could feel ashamed or be concerned that no one will believe them. They could be afraid to make the report. They could even be emotionally traumatized enough that they don’t feel they are able to go through the process.
@theshelleyshow, photographer: @maggie.hospersWhen we are looking at the LGBTQ2S* population, we are already a layering of complex issues. Many people who are part of these communities experience problems with self esteem, acceptance from their family, or other issues related to their identity and orientation. They also experience a high level of discrimination in most areas of the world. Even in places where it is more accepted, there are still cases of hate crimes as well as less violent forms of discrimination. When all these factors are combined with the culture of victim-blaming that surrounds sexual assault, it’s clear that we will only get a percentage of reports instead of the full picture.
Support People to Reach Out for Help
There is still a lot of work to do be done in our society around sexual assault. We still need to build a lot of awareness. Sexual assault can happen to anyone by anyone. People need to be able to challenge their preconceived notions about what sexual violence looks like and who are the victims.
@wulf_odinson_photography, photographer:maggie.hospers
We also need to continue to empower and support victims/survivors. We need to help people to feel comfortable and secure reaching out for help. It can be hard to know where to look for professional supports. So here is a short list of some places and resources that can be contacted for more information.
Canadian Resource Centre for Victims of Crime
VictimsInfo
AMS Sexual Assault Support Centre
Sexual Assault Services of Saskatchewan
Ontario Coalition of Rape Crisis Centres
Association of Alberta Sexual Assault Services
Challenge Your Perceptions About Sexual Assault & the LGBTQ2S* Community
The more we continue to learn about sexual assault, the more we come to realize how much we actually need to challenge our preconceived perceptions of what we know. Sexual assault is not always what it’s depicted in movies or on TV. What most people think they know about sexual violence is actually only a small part or totally inaccurate. How much do you know? Never stop challenging your perceptions and learning more. Each person educating themselves is how we will take steps forward to real change. Share this article with your circles today & have some meaningful conversation. Join our mailing list to continue to expand your knowledge of sexual violence, consent, sex, gender, relationships, and more. Start your journey today.
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May 16, 2018
How Do You Know If You’re In Love?
Love can be very confusing, especially if you’ve never been in love before. So how do you know if you’re in love? We get a lot of messages about what love should look like through the media. We are shown what the idea of perfect love looks like in TV and movies. Most of us form our basic ideas about love and relationship from our early experiences from our caregivers. As we grow up, we continue to learn and come to our conclusions about what love is and what it looks like.
It can still be tricky to tell though. Often others will simply say, “You just know” when talking about being in love. However, there are a lot of unhealthy ideas and relationships out there. Often these unhealthy dynamics are passed off as love but it’s not. It’s used as a manipulation that can be along the first stages of abuse.
The Difference Between Love & Obsession
There is a common perception that love is meant to be all-encompassing. That your ultimate love will complete you. You will be unable to think, eat, sleep, survive without this love. It will eclipse your total life with passion. This may sound like a romantic dream but the truth is that this is fundamentally obsession. Obsession is defined as “the domination of one’s thoughts or feelings by a persistent idea, image, desire, etc” (Dictionary.com, 2018). If you are unable to take a single step without thinking of this person, it’s safe to say they are dominating your thoughts. Obsession can lead us down some fairly unhealthy paths.
We could become totally dependent and unable to function without the other person. There is a difference between missing someone and unable to function without them. When we are unable to go on, we restrict ourselves and our lives. We pass up opportunities that could be great for us. We live less full and happy lives. Love should not be making us less.
Obsession could also lead us into abusive situations. Abuse does not just appear in our lives and many of us would not accept it if it did. When we are obsessive and too eager to please someone, we slowly start to accommodate them more and more. As the relationship continues, unhealthy habits continue to form that take us down the slippery slope to abuse. Does this always happen? No, absolutely not. However, it is one way people find themselves in unhealthy situations. They mistake obsession for love and become committed to it.
Real love should support and nourish you, not take over your entire being. It should not complete you, you are already a whole person on your own.
So How Do You Know If You’re In Love?
Your experience of love will be very personal. It will be based on your childhood perceptions, past relationships, and your beliefs about love. For many, love is a very strong feeling. You love someone because of who they are and what they mean to you. It is made up of a variety of memories and experiences that you have with that person.
Love comes in many forms and in many different types of relationships. If you’ve never experienced love before, or if you are unsure, think about someone close to you that you share a special connection with. It may be a caregiver, a sibling, a childhood friend. Think of the bond that you have with that person and what it means to you. Romantic love is a combination of that bond with a feeling of intimacy that many feel after sharing a sexual experience. Most people experience a strong sense of validation and trust in their romantic partner.
It is intimate on a level that most people only achieve with a romantic partner. You will feel safe, secure, and validated on an emotional, mental, and physical level. Depending on your personal beliefs, you may experience it on a spiritual level as well. It can be a difficult feeling to describe. Each person that experiences it, will experience it a little differently as well. This is often why many offer the seemingly unhelpful advice of, “You just know”.
Pave the Way for Healthy Relationships & Love
Your perceptions and notions about love and relationships will shape how you approach them. Take the time to think critically and decide what love means to you, what you feel it is, and what you are willing to do for it. The more you learn about yourself and healthy partner dynamics, the better you will be able to set boundaries and find fulfilling romantic relationships. Your journey to a more satisfying connection starts today. Share this article with someone in your life and start the discussion about what love really means to you. Join our mailing list to keep on top of your quest and get new and relevant content to keep you going.
The post How Do You Know If You’re In Love? appeared first on Explore Sex Talk.
