Hailey Hudson's Blog, page 6

January 2024 Monthly Wrap-Up

January lasted at LEAST six months. I experienced enough in the past four weeks that I don’t need to have any more experiences for the rest of the year. I’m good, thanks. I grew a lot this month–kicking and screaming, but growing. So many people I’m close to went through seriously intense, difficult things where I wasn’t sure how to best support them. I also had client issues; relationship anxiety; and the usual health struggles. But at the same time, I worked hard on projects I’m proud of and spent some special, fun times with people I love. So… as usual, there was good here, too. But man, can February give us all a break?

This month I’m…

Reading: The Mystwick School of Musicraft and The Midnight Orchestra, Jessica Khoury. The Troubled Girls of Dragomir Academy, Anne Ursu. Find Your People, Jennie Allen (reread). Unseen Magic and The Drowned Woods, Emily Lloyd-Jones. Wolf by Wolf and Blood for Blood, Ryan Graudin (rereads). Even If: A Study of Habakkuk, Daily Grace Co. Time Is A Mother, Ocean Vuong. As Long As The Lemon Trees Grow, Zoulfa Katouh. Wildoak, C.C. Harrington. (12 total)

Listening to: My winter 24 playlist. (Prison For Life by Olivia Rodrigo would absolutely have been on this Receiptify if it wasn’t unreleased.)

Watching: Movies–The Boys in the Boat; Castle in the Sky. TV shows–Percy Jackson and the Olympians; The Artful Dodger.

Writing: In addition to my usual volunteer work with People Hope and the Diamonds Conference, I started serving at my church in a role that’s essentially like communicators manager (event planning, social media, etc). I started working on fiction again (my YA contemporary This One Is True) and got in five good sessions on that (less than I wanted, more than I’ve managed in a long time). I had so much fun making Valentines (photos coming next month so I don’t spoil them for anyone). I also filmed a vocal cover of The Ballad of Jane Doe, AND released my debut single–Just Us is available everywhere you listen to music! (Otherwise, though, voice and songwriting kind of fell through the cracks this month.)

Grateful for: Friends with animals. Thrift hauls. People who talk me off the ledge in their own ways. Sunny days. A little sister friend being old enough to us to text planning our outfits. Nights you don’t want to end, so you buy cookies at midnight and sit in the car talking for another hour. An overseas friend moving back to Georgia for a season. Seeing the fruit of my labor. Being surrounded by wisdom and advice. My favorite three-year-old boy saying “I like your earrings” while tenderly touching them. Easy client edits.

What was your January like? Aren’t we glad it’s over? What art did you create or consume this month?

What this space is for

Can we all agree that January has been a beast? Like. My gosh. I have lived a thousand lifetimes in this month alone. But I’ve also grown a lot–kicking and screaming, but growing. And I’m here on this drizzly Saturday to report back with one of the biggest things I’ve learned.

My old counselor used to tell me to leave margin, that God works in the margin. Sometimes I’m better at this than others. But this year, I resolved: In 2024 I was going to focus on space. (It should tell you something that my biggest goals for the year involved reading more poetry and trying every flavor of Jeremiah’s Italian Ice.)

And now, a mere month into the year, I’m back to report that God does indeed work in the margins of our lives. Instead of stuffing my calendar to the gills and pushing my body to its max, I’ve been simply leaving space. I expected this space to end up being used for resting or doing fun writing or watching a TV show just because. And it has been. (I recommend The Artful Dodger on Hulu.) But, surprisingly–and more importantly–I’ve noticed that primarily, this space has given me the energy and ability to care for my people well. Making less plans and holding them loosely has allowed me to find the time and energy to do things like:

Text a friend at 5:30 “hey, wanna come over tonight and I’ll make you dinner?”Push off work in favor of sitting on the phone for hours with a hurting friendStay after the party is over to help clean upGo to coffee with someone who is lonely, and listen more than I talkScour the shelves of Target for items to help someone start fresh

We’re barely 30 days into the year and yet it’s been hard, for everyone. So many people whom I love are hurting and struggling in really serious ways. I’ve needed space more than ever–but I’ve learned that it’s not just for me. This space I’ve carved out in my life has given me the bandwidth to tangibly show up and pour into people who need it right then.

I saw an Instagram post recently talking about how kindness and busyness rarely coexist. “Busy leaves little space for kindness,” the post wrote. To truly love people well, you need to slow down and be more attuned to the people around you. Since my energy and function are quite a bit more limited than most people’s, that requires really slowing down for me–continually reassessing how much I think I can do and then intentionally filling my plate with less than that. (Which, for this enneagram 3, is a struggle.) The result: pockets that God can fill either with time to rest or a person to love, as He sees fit.

I am open to God’s plans for my month, week, or day and how He wants to work in and through me. And in this season, I think a lot of that is going to involve loving and helping different people in my family, friends, and church family who are struggling so much.

I knew this year would be about space. I just didn’t know exactly what that would look like. But I’ve been convicted to focus on helping and supporting the people close to me as much as I can. And creating space in my life has given me many unexpected opportunities to do that–to participate in the good works that God has prepared for me to do.

I’ve also learned a lot this month about trust… but I think that’s going to be a separate blog post. Has your January also been ridiculously long? Have you noticed that leaving margin in your life gives you more ability to help and love others?

Books I Read in 2023

I’ve said this before, but I never set reading-related goals because I always want to keep reading as something I truly enjoy. And, I don’t need a goal because reading is like breathing to me, lol. It’s going to happen anyway. So, in 2023, I ended up reading a total of 160 books. Here’s how that stacks up with the past few years:

2017 – 135 books2018 – 153 books2019 – 154 books2020 – 174 books2021 – 190 books2022 – 157 books2023 – 160 books (which is a pretty exact average-per-year from these past seven years)

I read the most books in July (17) and the least in April/May (11 both months), with an average of just over 13 books per month. The first book I read in 2023 was A Duet For Home by Karina Yan Glaser, which was very good! I ended the year with the absolute most GLORIOUS under-24-hour-reread of All My Rage by Sabaa Tahir, which I’ll recommend to everyone until the end of time.

“If we are lost, God is like water, finding the unknowable path when we cannot.”

Sabaa Tahir

I had so many amazing reading experiences this year, from a spring filled with every book about golems that I could get my hands on, to a delicious summertime read of The Inheritance Games series, to discovering the BEST middle-grade authors in the early fall and smiling/sobbing my way through all of their books: Cindy Baldwin and Gillian McDunn. I also loved discovering The Magisterium series by Holly Black and Cassandra Clare in October for the first time; I didn’t want it to end! And in November/December, I had the sweetest reread of the Anne of Green Gables chronicles. The older I get, the more profound wisdom, truth, and beauty I find in those books. People are people are people are people.

“Oh, the old magic had not gone. The world was still full of it.”

L.M. Montgomery

My 2023 reading statistics

In 2023 I read 125 books for the first time, and had only 35 rereads, which surprised me. (Included in my total 160 books are also seven DNFs.)

As usual, I read much more fiction than nonfiction: Only 36 of the books I read were nonfiction, leaving the remaining 124 as fiction. (I could never read exclusively nonfiction. I require a certain amount of fiction to help me continue living in real life. Lol.)

What age genres did I read the most of? Here’s how my 124 fiction reads stacked up between adult, YA, and MG books (no big surprises here):

The last few years, I’ve unconsciously moved away from a lot of speculative fiction (fantasy, sci-fi, dystopian) in favor of a lot more straight MG/children’s lit (although a lot of these do have magical realism elements). (Also, don’t ask me how this ended up as 137 total books instead of 160… I have no idea and it’s bothering me, but not enough to count them up again.)

We aren’t going to talk about how many new books I bought in 2023. Frankly, I don’t know and I don’t want to know. It’s really none of my business.

Books that made me cry this year (lol) were:

A Duet For Home, Karina Yan GlaserThe Boy Who Steals Houses, C.G. Drews (reread)Sick Kids in Love, Hannah Moskowitz (reread)The Lonely Heart of Maybelle Lane, Kate O’ShaughnessyAmelia Unabridged, Ashley SchumacherThe Color Project, Sierra AbramsCaddie Woodlawn, Carol Ryrie Brink (reread)All My Knotted-Up Life, Beth MooreThe Girl Who Fell From The Sky, Emma Carey (reread–I read this book twice last year)The House Swap, Yvette ClarkHope in the Valley, Mitali PerkinsCaterpillar Summer and These Unlucky Stars, Gillian McDunnRilla of Ingleside, L.M. Montgomery (reread)All My Rage, Sabaa Tahir (reread)Movies, TV shows, and other media I consumed

Outside of books, I watched 16 movies this year, mostly from September on (hearts by my favorites):

Bama Rush (documentary)Take Care of Maya (documentary)BarbieThe Devil Wears PradaFreaky Friday (2003) Pete’s DragonHigh School MusicalThe Amazing Spider-ManRed Notice (rewatch)Practical Magic How to Lose A Guy in 10 Days The Other Zoey27 DressesThe Amazing Spider-Man 2The HolidayAladdin

I also watched more TV shows than usual:

Teen Wolf season 1Harry & MeghanOuter Banks season 3Shadow & Bone season 2Gossip Girl season 1XO KittyShiny Happy PeopleThe Summer I Turned Pretty season 1 (rewatch) and season 2Girl Meets World seasons 1-4 (rewatch)Percy Jackson and the Olympians

I even found a way to upload your YouTube data and get a YouTube Wrapped that shows your watch history. My five top-viewed channels from 2023 were:

My own channel (lol)Jordan BauthCutThe Frey LifeMadison Strong

I’m surprised that creators like Shelby Church and Sailing Zatara didn’t make it on there, too.

And, finally, my Receiptify shows the artists I listened to the most in the last 6 months, plus my Spotify Wrapped offers another musical overview:

Overall, I consumed so many good stories this year, no matter the medium/format. And I can’t wait to do it again in 2024!

How many books did you read in 2023? What were some of your favorites? Have you read any of the ones I mentioned here? What genres do you gravitate toward?

December 2023 Monthly Wrap-Up

As usual, most of December was duly documented in Blogmas, which started here. Overall, though, December felt like normal life–and that was really, really nice. I feel like I struck a pretty good balance of work, rest, creating, and being with people. I had a cold over Christmas, but fully enjoyed my glorious Christmas break (which I didn’t get last year).

This month I’m…

Reading: Anne’s House of Dreams, Anne of Ingleside, and Rilla of Ingleside, L.M. Montgomery (all rereads). Amen: From Eden to Eternity, Daily Grace Co. The Dead Romantics, Ashley Poston. The Memory Thief, Lauren Mansy (DNF). Class, Stephanie Land. Bright Dead Things, Ada Limon. The Lightning Thief, The Sea of Monsters, and The Titan’s Curse, Rick Riordan (all rereads). Devotions, Mary Oliver. The Pink Motel, Carol Ryrie Brink. All My Rage, Sabaa Tahir (reread). 14 total.

Listening to: Katelyn Tarver. My winter 24 playlist.

Watching: YouTube–Shelby Church. Movies–The Amazing Spider-Man 2; The Holiday; Aladdin. TV shows–Percy Jackson and The Olympians!!!

Writing: In addition to my usual volunteer work with People Hope and the Diamonds Conference, I did some songwriting work.

Grateful for: Dog Christmas wrapping paper. The feeling of being almost home. An order replaced for free. Time with women I love. Peppermint hot cocoa gelato. Brain energy. Talking to my bonus little brothers. A baby on the way! My own Hallmark moments. Friends who talk me off the ledge. Feeling more confident with new client work. Unexpected payments for work I’d thought was volunteer. Talking about music performances with Dad. Corn silk baby hair. Time and space to rest and play. “Glowing Review” on a sunset drive between people I love. Kitten toe beans. Making myself laugh so hard I collapsed on the floor. A movie by the tree. Snow!

What did you do in December? How was your holiday season? How do you feel as we end the year?

2023 Yearly Wrap-Up + Looking Ahead to 2024

Apparently, 2023 was quite the year. I wrote similar yearly wrap-up blog posts in 2020 and 2022, but neither of them were as massive as this one has ended up to be! At the end of 2022 I was in the hospital the week after Christmas and then doing home IV antibiotics in January, so I never really got a chance to reflect and plan like I wanted to. Maybe that’s why I’m doubling down this year. Anyway, skip through to see the parts that interest you, or grab a cup of tea and sit down to read the whole thing. It won’t hurt my feelings either way. Let’s get into what 2023 looked like for me and what I hope for 2024!

2023, month by monthJanuary

I’m pretty sure the only things I did for the entire month of January were run IV antibiotics (3x/day), watch Teen Wolf, and DoorDash French fries I couldn’t actually eat. It was a really weird time. I did have a fun evening singing the national anthem at a hockey game with my music studio. And another memorable moment was Andrea’s baby being born! She is the first of my close friends to become a parent–what a joy.

Notable quote (from my journal, blog, or other writing): “And the veil has never been thinner. And I didn’t know. And what if I want this after all?”Art that impacted me most in January: The Girl Who Fell From The Sky, Emma Carey (book); This Is What It Feels Like, Gracie Abrams (album)February

I guess I should’ve known that a month that began with an appointment with a surgeon at the Winship Cancer Institute wasn’t going to be the best month I’d ever lived. I turned 24 in February and had a pretty good birthday (performing original music and spending time with girlfriends) and a decent couple of weeks with other new experiences, but the month ended with the worst depressive episode I had had in a long time. It was pretty scary. I was thankful for my friends and community showing up for me on really dark days.

Notable quote: “I want, I want, I want, and I can’t have.”Art that impacted me most in February: Outer Banks season 3 (TV show); The Ballad of Jane Doe, Ride the Cyclone (song)March

The depressive episode continued into March. Joshua’s senior trip to Miami was extremely difficult for me, physically and emotionally. I was tired. I tried my best to grasp at the goodness, but mentally and emotionally there were lots of ups and downs.

Notable quote: “I want to participate, not watch. It reminds me of all I want to go and do and see in the world, that I can’t… Why do I have to be ‘as complex as it gets’? Why can’t I just be normal?”Art that impacted me most in March: Simply the Best, Billianne (song)April

April found me still fighting, my emotions spiking drastically up and down sometimes multiple times in one day. I tried to push through with Escapril and friends and music and work (somehow making more money than I’d ever made in a month). I thought often about something a friend said to me–how he thought if we all put our problems in a pile in the middle of a room, truly seeing what everyone else was going through, we’d still choose to go home with our own problems. I wasn’t so sure.

Notable quote: “…the b natural in measure 59 like a dagger to the heart every time. morendo jusqu’à la fin. slowly dying indeed.”Art that impacted me most in April: The Lonely Heart of Maybelle Lane, Kate O’Shaughnessy (book); From Dust A Flame, Rebecca Podos (book); Some Things Are Meant to Be, Little Women (song)May

May was such a happy month–the best month of the whole year, I’d say. Even with unexpected surgeries and completely-expected exhaustion, it was full of so much special time with my people, including Joshua’s high school graduation; Michelle and Grace Anne’s trip here; and the Sabrina Carpenter concert that Ari and I went to. Oh, and I got my first tattoo! It’s a butterfly on my ribcage, for my grandpa and for the magic and wonder of childhood. Overall, I felt like a normal person living a normal life, and wondered if I was playacting. In May it felt easy to be happy.

Notable quote: “I am settling into life more deeply by the day.”Art that impacted me most in May: If You Go Down, I’m Goin’ Down Too, Kelsea Ballerini (song); Summer in the Hamptons, Brooke Alexx and Lackhoney (song)June

In June I was physically miserable and non-functional the entire month (with what seemed to be a migraine, I think). I flew to Mississippi to see Grandpa, but couldn’t really do anything on the trip. I was very sick all month and it seemed like my body just kept getting worse. I struggled to get work done or leave the house/bed or do much of anything. (Fun fact, according to my 2023 crying log, I also cried the most this month–I cried over a dozen times in June, as compared to 45 total times for the entire year.)

Notable quote: “I cannot overstate how much I cannot live like this. The thought makes me panic.”Art that impacted me most in June: Take Care of Maya (documentary); Done This Before, Cozi Zuehlsdorff (song); Doin’ My Best, Kelsea Ballerini (song); Laura Wood’s books; Katie Daisy (artist)July

My health was somewhat better in July, but still pretty rough. I was also discouraged at my Emory doctors telling me they were out of ideas to help. I managed to start recording original music, which was my big goal for the summer. I simultaneously enjoyed summer days with friends while also struggling with several things that were happening in different areas of my life.

Notable quote: “I want my brain back again. I like the person I am when I have energy. She has dreams that are bigger than surviving today. I just want to be that person all the time. Will I ever consistently feel like myself again? I never wanted any of this. ****. I’m terrified at the thought of this never getting better.”Art that impacted me most in July: The Good Witch, Maisie Peters (album); The Inheritance Games, Jennifer Lynn Barnes (book series); The Summer I Turned Pretty season 2 (TV show); Cindy Baldwin’s books; It Is What It Is, Jenna Raine (song); No Time To Die and What Was I Made For, Billie Eilish (songs)August

August was full of beautiful sunny days with people. I stayed busy driving all over north Georgia for special events and activities–antiquing with Kenna, a dog agility trial with Karen, dropping Joshua off at college, singing the national anthem at a minor league baseball game, and more. While this all took a lot of energy and I had a lot of very sick days (often falling asleep on my living room floor as soon as I got home), it was worth it!

Notable quote: “All I really want in life is to drive through the north Georgia mountains with my windows down, listening to music.”Art that impacted me most in August: Snow Angel, Renee Rapp (album); Girl Meets World season 1 (TV show)September

September was a calmer month (which was much needed). I consumed and created; dealt with the unexpected medical stuff that always comes up; and felt overwhelmed with love for my church family. And, blessedly, that was about it.

Notable quote: “the funny thing is, this isn’t the life i wanted / the funny thing is, my younger self would be so happy and proud / the funny thing is, i feel like i’ve been forced into so many elements of my life without a choice / the funny thing is, i’ve been incredibly intentional to build a fulfilling life around my needs, passions, limitations / the funny thing is, i’m too sick to enjoy it / the funny thing is, a lot of the time it feels blessedly normal / the funny thing is, i want so much more that i can’t have / the funny thing is, i know i’m where i’m supposed to be.”Art that impacted me most in September: The Firefly Summer, Morgan Matson (book); I’m Not In Love, Emily James (song); Can’t Go Back Now, The Weepies (song)October

In October I took myself to two concerts: Maisie Peters and Renee Rapp. Despite some new and different symptoms, I also enjoyed great movies and music; beautiful fall days with friends; and my usual October life crisis, which resolved into unexpected peace.

Notable quote: “It’s like a switch flipped and all of a sudden I feel ready.”Art that impacted me most in October: The Magisterium, Holly Black and Cassandra Clare (book series); Practical Magic (movie); Grace Enger (musical artist); Alexander23 (musical artist); So Much More Than Me, Annika Bennett (song); Girl Meets World season 3 (TV show); assemblage art; Gillian McDunn booksNovember

November was full of people and events and emotions. I had a pre-planned, five-day admission for neurological testing and monitoring, and spent a lot of time with people I love–plus meeting new people, too (which involved a whole lot of anxiety… fun times).

Notable quote: “My cup overflows with the people around me.”Art that impacted me most in November: Back to Black, Amy Winehouse (album); How to Lose A Guy in 10 Days (movie); Your Surrender, Nina June, Emily James (song); How Do I Do This, Kelsea Ballerini (song)December

For the most part, December felt like normal life, and that was really, really nice. I feel like I struck a pretty good balance of work, rest, creating, and being with people. I had a cold over Christmas, but fully enjoyed my glorious Christmas break (which I didn’t get last year). I ended the year with my next quarterly Dream Day, and on NYE we will see old friends.

Notable quote: “This could really be something. It could.”Art that impacted me most in January: The Anne of Green Gables Chronicles (book series); Percy Jackson and the Olympians (TV show and book series); Cinematic and What Makes A Life Good, Katelyn Tarver (songs)2023 goals in review

How did I do on my goals for 2023? Let’s take a look:

Get a retirement fund set up. Check! I did this. I set up a traditional IRA and maxed it out.Upgrade my business from a sole proprietorship. I am now The Hardworking Creative, LLC (a single-member LLC taxed as an S-corporation).Finish BI, draft TOIT, and continue querying TWL. I did a little bit of work on This One Is True, but for the most part in 2023 my body and brain were too sick to consistently write fiction, which I hate. I miss it so much.SAVE MONEY (for a house). I’m still saving, but decided early in the year that it wasn’t time for me to buy yet (both because of the market, and for other reasons).Get a single on Spotify? Or at least some on YouTube?? The production process has been moving slowly, but I did record three original songs this year that will be on Spotify soon! Do the CHOP protocol. Unfortunately, the severity of my health and symptoms has continued to prevent me from doing this. With the help of some new doctors, I hope to find a way to begin this protocol in 2024. Get new headshots done. I got new professional headshots done in April (plus some other gorgeous photos done in July with Grace Anne).Fun stuff: Noah Kahan concert, Sabrina Carpenter concert, Maryland wedding, Joshua senior trip and graduation, see Wicked at the Fox. I sold my Noah Kahan ticket; had a great time at the Sabrina concert with Ari; sadly wasn’t able to attend the wedding due to my health; struggled a lot on Joshua’s senior trip, but his graduation was so special; and sadly also couldn’t see Wicked because of my health.Have a prayer time every day. The way and the amount in which I study the Bible and spend time with the Lord has really changed this year. Spiritually, I feel like I am in a really good place. I’ve been learning and growing a lot and it feels so good.

A non-exhaustive list of things I did this year that I’m proud of:

I reported a surgeon for sexual harassment.I asked for help–a lot–and communicated my feelings.I set up hundreds of my own infusions and hundreds of my own tube feeds. I also became completely independent in caring for my central line.I took proactive steps toward seeking the medical care and treatment I need.Despite often struggling to work even 10 hours a week, my income remained at $90k.I challenged myself creatively in a new way by recording original music for the first time.I showed up for the people I love while honoring my body’s limitations.I went through a couple rounds of auditions and sang the national anthem at a minor league Braves game.What worked in 2023Soft pretzels. I can’t eat much by mouth. When I do feel up to eating, soft, plain, carb-y type of foods work best… like soft pretzels. Sonic, Applebee’s, Walmart–I’ve probably eaten my weight in soft pretzels over the past year!Batching my productivity differently. Instead of spreading my work thinly over the week and feeling like I had to do some work every weekday, I learned to be okay with focusing hard a few days a week, and then doing zero work on days when I had to leave the house to see a doctor or a friend.Surprisingly, watching TV shows. I’m not a big TV show person, but I watched several shows this year. I also discovered that watching them on my phone instead of my laptop makes it easier for my eyes/head/etc.Reading theology books. This summer I started intentionally studying theology; having my Bible time on the couch instead of in bed; and reading Scripture in bigger chunks rather than smaller ones. Little changes, but they’ve made a HUGE difference in my Spiritual growth. The more I study the Word, the more I want to study the Word.My Sabbath routine. I talked about this in a September vlog, but on Sundays I’m very firm about doing three things and three things only: I go to church, take a nap, and do “weekly prep” (tidy my apartment, change my IV dressing, plan out my work week, etc). This is what my body and mind needs to prepare for the week.Finding my personal style. I feel like I’ve really honed in on my personal style this year, putting together stylish, comfortable outfits for everyday and for concerts or special events. I describe my style as “Old Navy with a little extra edge,” lol. (I also learned how to do eye shadow, shout out Grace Anne.)Antique/vintage items. As I’ve been discovering my personal style, I have also discovered a love for vintage items. Whether it’s wearing vintage gold earrings, buying furniture at estate sales, or purchasing maybe slightly kitschy handmade rugs on Facebook, I’m realizing I love unique vintage and antique stuff!Dream Days. In September, I started doing quarterly Dream Days. I go somewhere new and/or beautiful, journal out some dreams, and pray over them, surrendering each one to God. It’s a special, intimate way to step back from the everyday and give myself space to zoom out and reflect on what I want out of life. (In fact, I’m finishing up this blog post during my December Dream Day.)What didn’t work in 2023Pushing myself. Well, duh–pushing myself never works. But this year specifically, there were many, many times when I was at an event or simply out of the house for any reason, and just felt so incredibly horrible that I could not function or be present. So not worth it… and yet, I somehow continued to do it.DoorDash. Remember how I discovered soft pretzels? Well, this year I also discovered DoorDash. The fees add up and the food always makes me sick, so, this is a habit that needs to end.Participating in certain fandoms. I know there are certain fandoms that are not great for my mental health. That became even more apparent this year. My counselor gave me some ideas to help, but ultimately, I’ve realized it’s best for me to just quit these certain books/shows/characters cold turkey. Traveling. Unfortunately, traveling did not work for me at all this year. I went exactly two places–Miami in March and Mississippi in June–and they were both rough trips, with my body barely functioning. Because I couldn’t travel, I missed out on attending weddings and seeing friends/family and exploring by myself. Even spending the night at my parents’ house, five minutes away, is a massive amount of effort because of all the medical supplies I have to pack up.2024 goals and plans

In 2024, my biggest goal is to create space. My brain needs uncluttered space to journal, think, reflect, read, create. I want to spend time in solitude and have true emotional, spiritual, and creative rest (rather than the kind of rest that consists of sleeping just long enough to get me upright for the next thing on the calendar). I did a lot of fun things with people this year–which I don’t regret, and I will continue focusing on people–but I need a break! I want to make time and space for the things that make me feel like me, even if that requires saying no to fun plans with a friend in favor of a night in working on a creative project by myself. My counselor used to tell me often to leave margin; God works in the margin. I want to do a better job of that.

So, with all of that being said, here are my biggest specific, quantifiable goals for 2024 that will hopefully help me achieve this:

#1. Write fiction at least twice a week.

This is my most important goal for 2024: to get back into fiction. Besides a few thousand words early in the year, I haven’t written fiction in 2023, and I miss it so much. I don’t feel like myself if I’m not working on a novel, but my symptoms have made it incredibly difficult:

“From January to March I let myself have a little fun and start playing with a YA contemporary called This One Is True. While I enjoyed and liked the ~15,000 words I wrote, I found that I was usually only able to work on it once a week, which just wasn’t often enough for me to keep up my momentum. I used to write fiction in the evening hours–anywhere between 4-8 PM, several days a week–but my brain and body just can’t do that right now. The new condition I developed a year ago is better controlled than it used to be, but treatment isn’t fully working, and it still impacts me a lot (unpredictably so) every day.“

Fiction is worth it to me, though, so I’m going to be no excuses here–even if that means taking on less paying client work so I can work on fiction during my usual weekday work hours, when my brain is functioning best. I’m not totally sure yet which novel I’ll work on–I have finished drafts that need to be queried and edited (like Things We’ve Lost and The Art of Staying), half-finished first drafts that need to be completed (like Butterfly Island and This One Is True), and seeds of ideas that need to be fleshed out (like my MG school story or my chronic illness novel)–but I’m leaning toward This One Is True. For now, I’m writing for the goal of joy, not the goal of publication.

#2. Each month, read at least one poetry book and watch at least one movie.

I am realizing more and more how much I love poetry and how it feeds my soul, so next year I want to make sure to read at least one poetry book per month (this is, of course, in addition to my usual fiction reading, which I never set goals about) (my 2023 book post will be out in a few days). I’m going to get actual, physical books I can annotate rather than just saving poems on Instagram here and there. (In the past couple of weeks I’ve loved poetry books by Ada Limon and Mary Oliver–please give me any and all other recommendations of poets to check out! I tend to like more modern poets best.)

And this year, I realized I did not watch a single movie for the entire first six months of the year. There were valid reasons for that–like having two-month-long migraines or watching TV shows instead–but I love movies and want to watch more.

#3. Try every flavor of Jeremiah’s Italian ice.

Remember, your New Year’s “resolutions” or goals can be fun, too! I love Italian ice (it’s a clear liquid) and a new location of Jeremiah’s recently opened near me. So next year, I want to try all 40+ of their flavors. Who wants to join me?! I’m a big advocate of scheduling joy and fun into your life, and Italian ice is it for me!

Business goals

I’m very thankful that, even though there were many weeks this year where I only felt well enough to work 5-8 hours, I maintained my yearly income at $87,500. I couldn’t live without my two virtual assistants!

I always do a client analysis at the end of the year (see details on my 2022 work year in this YouTube video). Here are some fun takeaways and statistics from my 2023 analysis:

I worked with over 27 total clients in 2023 (I say “over” because some of these clients are agencies through which I do work for multiple other brands). The majority of these clients were in the healthcare or the marketing/tech industries.I made the most money in April (a five-figure month!) and the least in December.

My primary goal for 2024 is simply to maintain my income at the number it’s been the last couple of years and do content marketing work for interesting clients who pay me well and treat me well. I also have a session with my business coach in January to talk about getting a marketing cadence/frequency in place that works for me, because this is something I have really struggled with the last couple of years. I’m looking forward to getting her help with creating a plan. I know that fewer clients = more mental space, which is what I need… but also, I thrive on the newness of working with all different companies on various projects. I will have a clearer idea of my business goals for the year after I meet with her. Overall, my goal is always to fit my work into my life–not the other way around.

Medical stuff

Starting from the moment I was discharged from the hospital on NYE 2022, this year brought many central line placements (four total) and sleep studies/MSLTs (four total) and migraines (that lasted weeks) and so much more, with my body struggling every single day. I didn’t have as many doctor appointments or tests this year as I often do. But I spent countless hours in bed feeling terrible and not functioning well at all. My health was mostly stable this year (stable-ish? I guess); I only had two ER visits the entire year, which is really good for me! (lol what is my life) I made so many fun memories with people I love–but I struggled with feeling pretty terrible during them. So many of my BeReals this year were just me lying in bed, it’s kind of comical. I was told that my body/case is “as complex as it gets,” and I feel that every day.

As usual, I don’t know what to expect medically next year. But we’re starting off 2024 strong (sarcasm) with a trip to Cleveland Clinic in Ohio in February. I’ll be meeting with doctors in half a dozen specialties with a goal of getting second opinions on some surgeries, getting ideas for new treatment options, catching anything we may have missed over the years, etc. Please pray it will be a helpful, productive, and hopeful trip. My goal is always to simply be faithful in taking care of my body and managing my medical care–to do what I can, to be as well as I can.

Other personal goals for 2024

I’m not going to attempt to quantify these right now, but next year I also want to spend more time outside (I do okay at this in the spring/fall, but not otherwise) and to resist overconsumerism (less shopping, less hauls, less stuff like clothes and mugs and washi tape that I barely use) (this doesn’t apply to books… see poetry goal above).

In 2024 I am also looking forward to continuing to dig into the Word; invest in relationships with family and friends; and participate with my church and my music studio. I often tell people that it feels like my life is made up of four components–work, health, relationships, and my creative pursuits (in no particular order–different areas take priority in different seasons–and with faith overlaying them all). There are so many other things I wish I could do both within and outside of these categories, but these things don’t seem to be realistic for my body right now, so I’m going to focus on more attainable goals and plans.

I have some other personal dreams and hopes for 2024, too, but right now this is not the place to share them. Ask me if you wanna know.

Word of the year?

I’m not a big word of the year person, but sometimes, I do feel a theme on my heart. At the beginning of 2023 I was pondering the word faithful. I meant it as in being faithful to God and being faithful with whatever was in front of me each day. But I think this year it ended up more as me seeing how God was and is faithful to me.

“The tough things that have defined, changed, and reshaped my life? They were present all the way back in 2000, slowly building and worsening over the course of my life. But the gifts that gave me a soft place to land? The foundation for those was being built earlier than I realized, too.”

If I were to choose a word for 2024, it would be space.

What’s next?

As I sit in this little mountain coffee shop at the end of the year, listening to my Spotify 2023 Top 100 playlist while snow flurries swirl outside, overall I feel overwhelmingly thankful–for my people, for my passions and work, for this life. God has shown me His goodness this year. Yes, there were many hard days full of stress and tears and poor health. But I am richly blessed. I have tasted and seen the goodness of the Lord. And I know that His faithfulness to me will continue no matter what comes next.

So… in this new year, let’s give ourselves the space to read lots of poetry and eat lots of Italian ice. 2024, here we come!

Tell me about your 2023. What characterized your year? What did you learn? What art did you consume or create? And, what are your goals, plans, or hopes for 2024?

Blogmas 2023 Day 25 (Christmas)

I was too congested to use my BIPAP last night, so I had a crappy night of sleep and felt rough this morning. But opening presents was still a lot of fun! I gave my brother Monstrous Devices by Damien Lowe and disc golf hangers; my dad Bombas running socks and a trivia quiz game based on the movie Elf; and my mom Caterpillar Summer by Gillian McDunn and a beautiful watercolor map of the Charlotte’s Web storyworld.

I received From Dust, A Flame by Rebecca Podos, The Lonely Heart of Maybelle Lane by Kate O’Shaughnessy, The Pink Motel by Carol Ryrie Brink, and The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron (I’ve read–and loved–the first two, but haven’t read the second two); a beautiful layered sunburst necklace; a Paper Source gift card; and a set of bread-themed cat toys. I also plan to use grandparent money to switch out some of the art and pictures on my walls.

When we finished opening presents, I rested in bed for a while before my cousin came for lunch. I was able to eat some new potatoes and white rice, and it was so delicious! We visited through the afternoon. It’s been raining all day–pretty hard at some points–and it’s gross outside.

By this time of the month, I’m always ready for Blogmas to be over. But I have a few end-of-year blog posts coming later this week that I’m excited to share… and I hope to get over this cold so I can work on fun projects during break, and see my grandpa next week. Thanks for following along with me in the leadup to Christmas this year!

Today I’m grateful for: Despite feeling crappy, I felt like I was able to be present all day today, even if a lot of that was while lying on the couch in the adjacent room.

Check out Blogmas Day 25 2022, 2021, 2020, 2019, 2018, 2017, and 2016. What did you do today?

Blogmas 2023 Day 24 (I am so sick)

Today didn’t feel like Christmas Eve. I jumped out of bed this morning and went straight to church with Annabelle, not giving myself time to think about how I felt–but by the time we got to church, I realized I felt pretty horrible. I just have straight cold symptoms, no fever or anything, but anytime I get sick it hits me hard and makes my “normal” chronic illness symptoms worse. So, I was really struggling this morning.

When I got home I immediately went to bed and slept for three hours. Later in the day, when my family left for their church’s Christmas Eve service, I moved down to the couch so I could run fluids. I went through my journal and my photos from this year and worked on my massive 2023 year-in-review blog post (coming this week). It was good to have some quiet time to reflect.

This evening I laid on the couch in the living room with my family. I’m feeling pretty horrible and hope to go to sleep early.

Today I’m grateful for: Time to reflect on this year and next.

Check out Blogmas Day 24 2022, 2021, 2020, 2019, 2018, 2017, and 2016. What did you do today?

Blogmas 2023 Day 23 (cats, coffee, Christmas, oh my)

Whew! Today was very long, but very good day! I’m feeling pretty sick with the cold I’ve been slowly developing all week, but otherwise I actually felt fairly decent today, so I managed to somehow make it through the day.

Brooke was in town and I spent the day with her today! I went to her parents’ house and saw her cats, including the new two-week old kittens (my HEART).

In the afternoon we went to a local coffee shop and talked about life and the past/upcoming years. We also swung by a yard sale and the library. It’s always so, so good to spend time together and talk about what is going on in our lives.

Next, we came to my place and Brooke helped me unpack packages and then pack up my clothes and stuff so I could also have the energy to take a shower. We loaded my car and I took her home before coming to my parents’ house this evening to stay for the next several nights!

I’m pretty sick and congested, but we laughed, watched stupid TikToks, and I played around with Look For The Light from Only Murders in the Building which I’m currently obsessed with. Christmas is so close!

Today I’m grateful for: Driving through the sunset from my friend-who-feels-like-family’s house, to my parents’ house, listening to Maisie Peters’ Glowing Review.

Credit: Shannan Martin

Check out Blogmas Day 23 2022, 2021, 2020, 2019, 2018, 2017, and 2016. What did you do today?

Blogmas 2023 Day 22

I had a rough night last night and didn’t wake up today until after one. I felt pretty crappy, so I got a slow start, but I still had a little bit more work to do today before Christmas vacation.

Midafternoon I finally got moving and wrote two solution pages: one on servers, one on Office365. Then I was done with work for the year! I’ll be completely off next week, and mostly off the first week in January (when my grandpa will be in town!). As usual, I have a long list of fun projects and other things to enjoy getting done over Christmas break. Last year I ended up in the hospital the entire week after Christmas, which rolled straight into a month-plus of PICC lines and ID appointments and IV antibiotics (remember a year ago today when I thought I had the flu… yeah, it wasn’t the flu). So this year, fingers crossed, I’m looking forward to hopefully actually getting a true Christmas break!

When I finished work, I rewarded myself with my favorite Friday treat: a bowl of Alexia potato puffs, and Glory’s Stories‘ new YouTube video.

And then Christmas break stretched out deliciously in front of me! I decided to write letters and make wax seals, which I haven’t done in forever (yes, I did accidentally set some cardboard on fire). I set up on the kitchen counter and turned on The Holiday to watch while I did it (which I’d never seen–don’t hate me, but I wasn’t really into it).

Finally, I cleaned up my kitchen and did some light yoga. And now I am very excited to go to bed with a book!

Today I’m grateful for: Christmas break!

Check out Blogmas Day 22 2022, 2021, 2020, 2019, 2018, 2017, and 2016. What did you do today?

Blogmas 2023 Day 21 (Chattanooga and PJO!!!)

Today I spent the day with my family, making a day trip to Chattanooga to see my grandpa. I rode with my mom there and back (my dad and brother usually stay for a few days) and it was fun to catch up with her! In Chattanooga, we visited at my grandpa’s house and went to lunch at Cheddar’s. Total, I was gone about 9-5–a pretty exhausting, but good, day.

I finally had time tonight to start the new Percy Jackson show and it was SO. FREAKING. GOOD!!! It’s a good thing for my cat that my voice is gone (from being a little sick), because otherwise there would have been A LOT of screaming! Okay–let’s get into my thoughts!

To understand how important this show is to me, you have to understand that PJO was really my first ever proper fandom (besides Narnia or something like that). For me, Percy came before Harry Potter, before Shadowhunters, before any of the 2010s dystopian crazes like Hunger Games or Divergent or Maze Runner. Percabeth was my first ever OTP, and I remember writing OC Percy Jackson fanfiction when I was 11 or 12. (I would pay a lot of money to still have that fanfiction now.) (Actually, no, it’s probably better that I don’t.)

Basically, I fell fast and I fell HARD into this fandom when I was a kid. And that feeling has never left. (I have to say, it does make me feel old that I have been a Percy Jackson fan for longer than Walker Scobell, who plays Percy in this new adaptation, has been alive.)

Of course, we don’t recognize the movies in this fandom. (See below: All of us, toward the Logan Lerman movies.) We demigods have been waiting for a solid book-to-screen adaptation for a very long time. And let me tell you: THIS. IS. IT.

Obviously the layout of Camp Half-Blood was different than I’ve pictured in my head for the last decade-plus, and the renderings of the monsters looked different, and apparently I’ve been pronouncing “minotaur” wrong for half my life. But the casting of the golden trio–Percy especially–is *chef’s kiss*. Even early on, the show is really nailing the themes of the whole series–about glory and honor and power and fighting for people; the focus on Percy’s disabilities and how he feels like his brain is broken, that something is inherently wrong with him, how he just wants to be seen. And so much of the dialogue/narration is taken verbatim from the book. Truly, you couldn’t ask for more!!

I am EXTREMELY pleased and so excited to continue watching past these first two episodes! I find a familiar, much-loved home in many fandoms, but there’s no place like Half-Blood Hill. It makes me feel 12 years old again in the best way. (Also, yes, I am basic and now want a tattoo of “Hold fast. Brave the storm”.)

(I also have so many thoughts about revisiting this world so deeply as an adult and viewing these characters who used to be my age through an adult’s lens, but… I need to go to bed, so that’s a TED Talk for another day. You’re welcome.) (Also THE EASTER EGGS?!!! Not only the obvious Nico ones, but even the really subtle ones? Mr. Kane? HELLO?!?) (Okay I’m really done now. Bottom line, THANK YOU UNCLE RICK for your dedication to making this amazing adaptation become a reality.) (Also can you say SALLY JACKSON SUPREMACY)

Today I’m grateful for: Blue Jellie Bellies. (If you know… you know. What other color could I eat?)

Check out Blogmas Day 21 2022, 2021, 2020, 2019, 2018, 2017, and 2016. What did you do today?