2023 Yearly Wrap-Up + Looking Ahead to 2024

Apparently, 2023 was quite the year. I wrote similar yearly wrap-up blog posts in 2020 and 2022, but neither of them were as massive as this one has ended up to be! At the end of 2022 I was in the hospital the week after Christmas and then doing home IV antibiotics in January, so I never really got a chance to reflect and plan like I wanted to. Maybe that’s why I’m doubling down this year. Anyway, skip through to see the parts that interest you, or grab a cup of tea and sit down to read the whole thing. It won’t hurt my feelings either way. Let’s get into what 2023 looked like for me and what I hope for 2024!

2023, month by monthJanuary

I’m pretty sure the only things I did for the entire month of January were run IV antibiotics (3x/day), watch Teen Wolf, and DoorDash French fries I couldn’t actually eat. It was a really weird time. I did have a fun evening singing the national anthem at a hockey game with my music studio. And another memorable moment was Andrea’s baby being born! She is the first of my close friends to become a parent–what a joy.

Notable quote (from my journal, blog, or other writing): “And the veil has never been thinner. And I didn’t know. And what if I want this after all?”Art that impacted me most in January: The Girl Who Fell From The Sky, Emma Carey (book); This Is What It Feels Like, Gracie Abrams (album)February

I guess I should’ve known that a month that began with an appointment with a surgeon at the Winship Cancer Institute wasn’t going to be the best month I’d ever lived. I turned 24 in February and had a pretty good birthday (performing original music and spending time with girlfriends) and a decent couple of weeks with other new experiences, but the month ended with the worst depressive episode I had had in a long time. It was pretty scary. I was thankful for my friends and community showing up for me on really dark days.

Notable quote: “I want, I want, I want, and I can’t have.”Art that impacted me most in February: Outer Banks season 3 (TV show); The Ballad of Jane Doe, Ride the Cyclone (song)March

The depressive episode continued into March. Joshua’s senior trip to Miami was extremely difficult for me, physically and emotionally. I was tired. I tried my best to grasp at the goodness, but mentally and emotionally there were lots of ups and downs.

Notable quote: “I want to participate, not watch. It reminds me of all I want to go and do and see in the world, that I can’t… Why do I have to be ‘as complex as it gets’? Why can’t I just be normal?”Art that impacted me most in March: Simply the Best, Billianne (song)April

April found me still fighting, my emotions spiking drastically up and down sometimes multiple times in one day. I tried to push through with Escapril and friends and music and work (somehow making more money than I’d ever made in a month). I thought often about something a friend said to me–how he thought if we all put our problems in a pile in the middle of a room, truly seeing what everyone else was going through, we’d still choose to go home with our own problems. I wasn’t so sure.

Notable quote: “…the b natural in measure 59 like a dagger to the heart every time. morendo jusqu’à la fin. slowly dying indeed.”Art that impacted me most in April: The Lonely Heart of Maybelle Lane, Kate O’Shaughnessy (book); From Dust A Flame, Rebecca Podos (book); Some Things Are Meant to Be, Little Women (song)May

May was such a happy month–the best month of the whole year, I’d say. Even with unexpected surgeries and completely-expected exhaustion, it was full of so much special time with my people, including Joshua’s high school graduation; Michelle and Grace Anne’s trip here; and the Sabrina Carpenter concert that Ari and I went to. Oh, and I got my first tattoo! It’s a butterfly on my ribcage, for my grandpa and for the magic and wonder of childhood. Overall, I felt like a normal person living a normal life, and wondered if I was playacting. In May it felt easy to be happy.

Notable quote: “I am settling into life more deeply by the day.”Art that impacted me most in May: If You Go Down, I’m Goin’ Down Too, Kelsea Ballerini (song); Summer in the Hamptons, Brooke Alexx and Lackhoney (song)June

In June I was physically miserable and non-functional the entire month (with what seemed to be a migraine, I think). I flew to Mississippi to see Grandpa, but couldn’t really do anything on the trip. I was very sick all month and it seemed like my body just kept getting worse. I struggled to get work done or leave the house/bed or do much of anything. (Fun fact, according to my 2023 crying log, I also cried the most this month–I cried over a dozen times in June, as compared to 45 total times for the entire year.)

Notable quote: “I cannot overstate how much I cannot live like this. The thought makes me panic.”Art that impacted me most in June: Take Care of Maya (documentary); Done This Before, Cozi Zuehlsdorff (song); Doin’ My Best, Kelsea Ballerini (song); Laura Wood’s books; Katie Daisy (artist)July

My health was somewhat better in July, but still pretty rough. I was also discouraged at my Emory doctors telling me they were out of ideas to help. I managed to start recording original music, which was my big goal for the summer. I simultaneously enjoyed summer days with friends while also struggling with several things that were happening in different areas of my life.

Notable quote: “I want my brain back again. I like the person I am when I have energy. She has dreams that are bigger than surviving today. I just want to be that person all the time. Will I ever consistently feel like myself again? I never wanted any of this. ****. I’m terrified at the thought of this never getting better.”Art that impacted me most in July: The Good Witch, Maisie Peters (album); The Inheritance Games, Jennifer Lynn Barnes (book series); The Summer I Turned Pretty season 2 (TV show); Cindy Baldwin’s books; It Is What It Is, Jenna Raine (song); No Time To Die and What Was I Made For, Billie Eilish (songs)August

August was full of beautiful sunny days with people. I stayed busy driving all over north Georgia for special events and activities–antiquing with Kenna, a dog agility trial with Karen, dropping Joshua off at college, singing the national anthem at a minor league baseball game, and more. While this all took a lot of energy and I had a lot of very sick days (often falling asleep on my living room floor as soon as I got home), it was worth it!

Notable quote: “All I really want in life is to drive through the north Georgia mountains with my windows down, listening to music.”Art that impacted me most in August: Snow Angel, Renee Rapp (album); Girl Meets World season 1 (TV show)September

September was a calmer month (which was much needed). I consumed and created; dealt with the unexpected medical stuff that always comes up; and felt overwhelmed with love for my church family. And, blessedly, that was about it.

Notable quote: “the funny thing is, this isn’t the life i wanted / the funny thing is, my younger self would be so happy and proud / the funny thing is, i feel like i’ve been forced into so many elements of my life without a choice / the funny thing is, i’ve been incredibly intentional to build a fulfilling life around my needs, passions, limitations / the funny thing is, i’m too sick to enjoy it / the funny thing is, a lot of the time it feels blessedly normal / the funny thing is, i want so much more that i can’t have / the funny thing is, i know i’m where i’m supposed to be.”Art that impacted me most in September: The Firefly Summer, Morgan Matson (book); I’m Not In Love, Emily James (song); Can’t Go Back Now, The Weepies (song)October

In October I took myself to two concerts: Maisie Peters and Renee Rapp. Despite some new and different symptoms, I also enjoyed great movies and music; beautiful fall days with friends; and my usual October life crisis, which resolved into unexpected peace.

Notable quote: “It’s like a switch flipped and all of a sudden I feel ready.”Art that impacted me most in October: The Magisterium, Holly Black and Cassandra Clare (book series); Practical Magic (movie); Grace Enger (musical artist); Alexander23 (musical artist); So Much More Than Me, Annika Bennett (song); Girl Meets World season 3 (TV show); assemblage art; Gillian McDunn booksNovember

November was full of people and events and emotions. I had a pre-planned, five-day admission for neurological testing and monitoring, and spent a lot of time with people I love–plus meeting new people, too (which involved a whole lot of anxiety… fun times).

Notable quote: “My cup overflows with the people around me.”Art that impacted me most in November: Back to Black, Amy Winehouse (album); How to Lose A Guy in 10 Days (movie); Your Surrender, Nina June, Emily James (song); How Do I Do This, Kelsea Ballerini (song)December

For the most part, December felt like normal life, and that was really, really nice. I feel like I struck a pretty good balance of work, rest, creating, and being with people. I had a cold over Christmas, but fully enjoyed my glorious Christmas break (which I didn’t get last year). I ended the year with my next quarterly Dream Day, and on NYE we will see old friends.

Notable quote: “This could really be something. It could.”Art that impacted me most in January: The Anne of Green Gables Chronicles (book series); Percy Jackson and the Olympians (TV show and book series); Cinematic and What Makes A Life Good, Katelyn Tarver (songs)2023 goals in review

How did I do on my goals for 2023? Let’s take a look:

Get a retirement fund set up. Check! I did this. I set up a traditional IRA and maxed it out.Upgrade my business from a sole proprietorship. I am now The Hardworking Creative, LLC (a single-member LLC taxed as an S-corporation).Finish BI, draft TOIT, and continue querying TWL. I did a little bit of work on This One Is True, but for the most part in 2023 my body and brain were too sick to consistently write fiction, which I hate. I miss it so much.SAVE MONEY (for a house). I’m still saving, but decided early in the year that it wasn’t time for me to buy yet (both because of the market, and for other reasons).Get a single on Spotify? Or at least some on YouTube?? The production process has been moving slowly, but I did record three original songs this year that will be on Spotify soon! Do the CHOP protocol. Unfortunately, the severity of my health and symptoms has continued to prevent me from doing this. With the help of some new doctors, I hope to find a way to begin this protocol in 2024. Get new headshots done. I got new professional headshots done in April (plus some other gorgeous photos done in July with Grace Anne).Fun stuff: Noah Kahan concert, Sabrina Carpenter concert, Maryland wedding, Joshua senior trip and graduation, see Wicked at the Fox. I sold my Noah Kahan ticket; had a great time at the Sabrina concert with Ari; sadly wasn’t able to attend the wedding due to my health; struggled a lot on Joshua’s senior trip, but his graduation was so special; and sadly also couldn’t see Wicked because of my health.Have a prayer time every day. The way and the amount in which I study the Bible and spend time with the Lord has really changed this year. Spiritually, I feel like I am in a really good place. I’ve been learning and growing a lot and it feels so good.

A non-exhaustive list of things I did this year that I’m proud of:

I reported a surgeon for sexual harassment.I asked for help–a lot–and communicated my feelings.I set up hundreds of my own infusions and hundreds of my own tube feeds. I also became completely independent in caring for my central line.I took proactive steps toward seeking the medical care and treatment I need.Despite often struggling to work even 10 hours a week, my income remained at $90k.I challenged myself creatively in a new way by recording original music for the first time.I showed up for the people I love while honoring my body’s limitations.I went through a couple rounds of auditions and sang the national anthem at a minor league Braves game.What worked in 2023Soft pretzels. I can’t eat much by mouth. When I do feel up to eating, soft, plain, carb-y type of foods work best… like soft pretzels. Sonic, Applebee’s, Walmart–I’ve probably eaten my weight in soft pretzels over the past year!Batching my productivity differently. Instead of spreading my work thinly over the week and feeling like I had to do some work every weekday, I learned to be okay with focusing hard a few days a week, and then doing zero work on days when I had to leave the house to see a doctor or a friend.Surprisingly, watching TV shows. I’m not a big TV show person, but I watched several shows this year. I also discovered that watching them on my phone instead of my laptop makes it easier for my eyes/head/etc.Reading theology books. This summer I started intentionally studying theology; having my Bible time on the couch instead of in bed; and reading Scripture in bigger chunks rather than smaller ones. Little changes, but they’ve made a HUGE difference in my Spiritual growth. The more I study the Word, the more I want to study the Word.My Sabbath routine. I talked about this in a September vlog, but on Sundays I’m very firm about doing three things and three things only: I go to church, take a nap, and do “weekly prep” (tidy my apartment, change my IV dressing, plan out my work week, etc). This is what my body and mind needs to prepare for the week.Finding my personal style. I feel like I’ve really honed in on my personal style this year, putting together stylish, comfortable outfits for everyday and for concerts or special events. I describe my style as “Old Navy with a little extra edge,” lol. (I also learned how to do eye shadow, shout out Grace Anne.)Antique/vintage items. As I’ve been discovering my personal style, I have also discovered a love for vintage items. Whether it’s wearing vintage gold earrings, buying furniture at estate sales, or purchasing maybe slightly kitschy handmade rugs on Facebook, I’m realizing I love unique vintage and antique stuff!Dream Days. In September, I started doing quarterly Dream Days. I go somewhere new and/or beautiful, journal out some dreams, and pray over them, surrendering each one to God. It’s a special, intimate way to step back from the everyday and give myself space to zoom out and reflect on what I want out of life. (In fact, I’m finishing up this blog post during my December Dream Day.)What didn’t work in 2023Pushing myself. Well, duh–pushing myself never works. But this year specifically, there were many, many times when I was at an event or simply out of the house for any reason, and just felt so incredibly horrible that I could not function or be present. So not worth it… and yet, I somehow continued to do it.DoorDash. Remember how I discovered soft pretzels? Well, this year I also discovered DoorDash. The fees add up and the food always makes me sick, so, this is a habit that needs to end.Participating in certain fandoms. I know there are certain fandoms that are not great for my mental health. That became even more apparent this year. My counselor gave me some ideas to help, but ultimately, I’ve realized it’s best for me to just quit these certain books/shows/characters cold turkey. Traveling. Unfortunately, traveling did not work for me at all this year. I went exactly two places–Miami in March and Mississippi in June–and they were both rough trips, with my body barely functioning. Because I couldn’t travel, I missed out on attending weddings and seeing friends/family and exploring by myself. Even spending the night at my parents’ house, five minutes away, is a massive amount of effort because of all the medical supplies I have to pack up.2024 goals and plans

In 2024, my biggest goal is to create space. My brain needs uncluttered space to journal, think, reflect, read, create. I want to spend time in solitude and have true emotional, spiritual, and creative rest (rather than the kind of rest that consists of sleeping just long enough to get me upright for the next thing on the calendar). I did a lot of fun things with people this year–which I don’t regret, and I will continue focusing on people–but I need a break! I want to make time and space for the things that make me feel like me, even if that requires saying no to fun plans with a friend in favor of a night in working on a creative project by myself. My counselor used to tell me often to leave margin; God works in the margin. I want to do a better job of that.

So, with all of that being said, here are my biggest specific, quantifiable goals for 2024 that will hopefully help me achieve this:

#1. Write fiction at least twice a week.

This is my most important goal for 2024: to get back into fiction. Besides a few thousand words early in the year, I haven’t written fiction in 2023, and I miss it so much. I don’t feel like myself if I’m not working on a novel, but my symptoms have made it incredibly difficult:

“From January to March I let myself have a little fun and start playing with a YA contemporary called This One Is True. While I enjoyed and liked the ~15,000 words I wrote, I found that I was usually only able to work on it once a week, which just wasn’t often enough for me to keep up my momentum. I used to write fiction in the evening hours–anywhere between 4-8 PM, several days a week–but my brain and body just can’t do that right now. The new condition I developed a year ago is better controlled than it used to be, but treatment isn’t fully working, and it still impacts me a lot (unpredictably so) every day.“

Fiction is worth it to me, though, so I’m going to be no excuses here–even if that means taking on less paying client work so I can work on fiction during my usual weekday work hours, when my brain is functioning best. I’m not totally sure yet which novel I’ll work on–I have finished drafts that need to be queried and edited (like Things We’ve Lost and The Art of Staying), half-finished first drafts that need to be completed (like Butterfly Island and This One Is True), and seeds of ideas that need to be fleshed out (like my MG school story or my chronic illness novel)–but I’m leaning toward This One Is True. For now, I’m writing for the goal of joy, not the goal of publication.

#2. Each month, read at least one poetry book and watch at least one movie.

I am realizing more and more how much I love poetry and how it feeds my soul, so next year I want to make sure to read at least one poetry book per month (this is, of course, in addition to my usual fiction reading, which I never set goals about) (my 2023 book post will be out in a few days). I’m going to get actual, physical books I can annotate rather than just saving poems on Instagram here and there. (In the past couple of weeks I’ve loved poetry books by Ada Limon and Mary Oliver–please give me any and all other recommendations of poets to check out! I tend to like more modern poets best.)

And this year, I realized I did not watch a single movie for the entire first six months of the year. There were valid reasons for that–like having two-month-long migraines or watching TV shows instead–but I love movies and want to watch more.

#3. Try every flavor of Jeremiah’s Italian ice.

Remember, your New Year’s “resolutions” or goals can be fun, too! I love Italian ice (it’s a clear liquid) and a new location of Jeremiah’s recently opened near me. So next year, I want to try all 40+ of their flavors. Who wants to join me?! I’m a big advocate of scheduling joy and fun into your life, and Italian ice is it for me!

Business goals

I’m very thankful that, even though there were many weeks this year where I only felt well enough to work 5-8 hours, I maintained my yearly income at $87,500. I couldn’t live without my two virtual assistants!

I always do a client analysis at the end of the year (see details on my 2022 work year in this YouTube video). Here are some fun takeaways and statistics from my 2023 analysis:

I worked with over 27 total clients in 2023 (I say “over” because some of these clients are agencies through which I do work for multiple other brands). The majority of these clients were in the healthcare or the marketing/tech industries.I made the most money in April (a five-figure month!) and the least in December.

My primary goal for 2024 is simply to maintain my income at the number it’s been the last couple of years and do content marketing work for interesting clients who pay me well and treat me well. I also have a session with my business coach in January to talk about getting a marketing cadence/frequency in place that works for me, because this is something I have really struggled with the last couple of years. I’m looking forward to getting her help with creating a plan. I know that fewer clients = more mental space, which is what I need… but also, I thrive on the newness of working with all different companies on various projects. I will have a clearer idea of my business goals for the year after I meet with her. Overall, my goal is always to fit my work into my life–not the other way around.

Medical stuff

Starting from the moment I was discharged from the hospital on NYE 2022, this year brought many central line placements (four total) and sleep studies/MSLTs (four total) and migraines (that lasted weeks) and so much more, with my body struggling every single day. I didn’t have as many doctor appointments or tests this year as I often do. But I spent countless hours in bed feeling terrible and not functioning well at all. My health was mostly stable this year (stable-ish? I guess); I only had two ER visits the entire year, which is really good for me! (lol what is my life) I made so many fun memories with people I love–but I struggled with feeling pretty terrible during them. So many of my BeReals this year were just me lying in bed, it’s kind of comical. I was told that my body/case is “as complex as it gets,” and I feel that every day.

As usual, I don’t know what to expect medically next year. But we’re starting off 2024 strong (sarcasm) with a trip to Cleveland Clinic in Ohio in February. I’ll be meeting with doctors in half a dozen specialties with a goal of getting second opinions on some surgeries, getting ideas for new treatment options, catching anything we may have missed over the years, etc. Please pray it will be a helpful, productive, and hopeful trip. My goal is always to simply be faithful in taking care of my body and managing my medical care–to do what I can, to be as well as I can.

Other personal goals for 2024

I’m not going to attempt to quantify these right now, but next year I also want to spend more time outside (I do okay at this in the spring/fall, but not otherwise) and to resist overconsumerism (less shopping, less hauls, less stuff like clothes and mugs and washi tape that I barely use) (this doesn’t apply to books… see poetry goal above).

In 2024 I am also looking forward to continuing to dig into the Word; invest in relationships with family and friends; and participate with my church and my music studio. I often tell people that it feels like my life is made up of four components–work, health, relationships, and my creative pursuits (in no particular order–different areas take priority in different seasons–and with faith overlaying them all). There are so many other things I wish I could do both within and outside of these categories, but these things don’t seem to be realistic for my body right now, so I’m going to focus on more attainable goals and plans.

I have some other personal dreams and hopes for 2024, too, but right now this is not the place to share them. Ask me if you wanna know.

Word of the year?

I’m not a big word of the year person, but sometimes, I do feel a theme on my heart. At the beginning of 2023 I was pondering the word faithful. I meant it as in being faithful to God and being faithful with whatever was in front of me each day. But I think this year it ended up more as me seeing how God was and is faithful to me.

“The tough things that have defined, changed, and reshaped my life? They were present all the way back in 2000, slowly building and worsening over the course of my life. But the gifts that gave me a soft place to land? The foundation for those was being built earlier than I realized, too.”

If I were to choose a word for 2024, it would be space.

What’s next?

As I sit in this little mountain coffee shop at the end of the year, listening to my Spotify 2023 Top 100 playlist while snow flurries swirl outside, overall I feel overwhelmingly thankful–for my people, for my passions and work, for this life. God has shown me His goodness this year. Yes, there were many hard days full of stress and tears and poor health. But I am richly blessed. I have tasted and seen the goodness of the Lord. And I know that His faithfulness to me will continue no matter what comes next.

So… in this new year, let’s give ourselves the space to read lots of poetry and eat lots of Italian ice. 2024, here we come!

Tell me about your 2023. What characterized your year? What did you learn? What art did you consume or create? And, what are your goals, plans, or hopes for 2024?