Hailey Hudson's Blog, page 9

Blogmas 2023 Day 1 (cozy work day)

Blogmas is BACK for the 8th year in a row and I’m so excited! If you’re new this year, I started doing my own version of Blogmas in 2016: Each day for the first 25 days of December, I post a day-in-my-life blog post that simply shares what I did that day. You’ll see a glimpse into my normal life working as a freelance writer, managing several complex chronic illnesses, and doing fun holiday activities with friends.

I feel like I make this disclaimer every year as my health continues to get worse, but this year’s Blogmas might not be the most exciting. Most of my days are spent back and forth from my bed to my couch (which is obviously not what I’d prefer, but that’s how it is). But you’ll also notice that I’m transparent about what and how I’m really doing. In today’s influencer culture where we’re constantly bombarded with content featuring designer clothing, a constant social life, and fake smiles, I think it’s incredibly important for us to see examples of ordinary people living normal lives. We need to be reminded that we all have both good and bad days–but also, that normal, “boring” days can be beautiful and important and sacred, and there’s always at least a little good in the bad. My goal is to present an honest picture of my life. And the honest truth is that life is really hard, but life is also really good… both at the same time.

So… with all of that being said, I’ll get off that soapbox and let’s get into my day today!

I spent this rainy Friday at home and got moving around 11:30 (which, as much as I wish it could be earlier, is typical for my body). I’m finishing up this Eden to Eternity Bible study. Next, today I had two main work goals: finishing client edits on a blog post about statements of work, and writing a blog post with financial tips for the new year. I also compiled a proposal/list of community outreach ideas for my church for 2024, which was exciting! I had to stop and take a two-hour nap in the middle, but everything eventually got done.

This evening I washed my hair, changed my sheets, and now I’m about to set up tube feeds and IV fluids and go to bed with a book. I’ve been in an Anne Shirley mood lately and I’m flying through a reread of basically everything L.M. Montgomery has ever written. It’s good for the soul, especially as my heart has been a little anxious and discontent.

Today I’m grateful for: Catching up with Brooke tonight.

Check out Blogmas Day 1 2022, 2021, 2020, 2019, 2018, 2017, and 2016. What did you do today?

November 2023 Monthly Wrap-Up

So much happened in November! I had a (pre-planned) five-day hospital admission for some neurological testing, which involved lots of preparation to get ahead on work and then recovery time after. I spent a lot of beautiful, special time with people I love, which in turn also made my health much worse (it was [mostly] worth it, though, because wow I have the best people in my life). And I put quite a bit of energy into a new, exciting-but-also-extremely-anxiety-inducing situation.

This month I’m…

Reading: The Simple Art of Flying, Cory Leonardo. The End of the Wild and Wonder at the Edge of the World, Nicole Helget. Diary of an Early American Boy, Eric Sloane. Tethered to Other Stars, Elisa Stone Leahy. The Rosewood Hunt, Mackenzie Reed. Tunnels, Roderick Gordon and Brian Williams. The Seven Year Slip, Ashley Poston. Louisa Jane and the Nazis in the Waves, L.M. Elliott. The God of the Garden, Andrew Peterson. Anne of the Island, The Blue Castle, and Anne of Windy Poplars, L.M. Montgomery (rereads). Greenlights, Matthew McConaughey. 14 total.

Listening to: My November playlist and my Christmas playlist. The Jonas Brothers and Amy Winehouse (my music taste is nothing if not eclectic). The Call Her Daddy podcast and The Next Right Thing podcast.

Watching: Movies–How to Lose A Guy in 10 Days; The Other Zoey; 27 Dresses. TV shows–Girl Meets World season four (rewatch).

Writing: I felt like I was in a bit of a creative rut this month. I didn’t have a lot of spare words, probably because I’ve been so busy (but it’s okay to prioritize people!) and tired/sick. Pretty much all I did was my usual volunteer work for People Hope and the Diamonds Conference; making envelopes and cards for pen pals; and working on some homemade Christmas gifts.

Buying: Way too much stuff while I was admitted (I tend to online shop when I’m in the hospital)–like a Harry Potter satin pillowcase that I love, a Secret Garden book vase, a birth flower necklace that I’ve been wearing every day, and a bunch of stuff because I want my entire life to be her aesthetic.

Grateful for: Excitement and advice from friends. A hospital care package. New music. Laughing about stupid stuff at church. Getting my migraine med. Lying on the couch laughing with friends. Feeling clearheaded.

What did you do in November? Blogmas starts TOMORROW, get excited!!

show up and surrender, surrender and show up. (or, what I learned this fall)

This fall I’ve been learning a lot about the concepts of surrendering and showing up. They might seem like they don’t have much in common, but actually, I think they go hand-in-hand. Surrender to what God has for you and then show up for it. Show up for your life and then surrender.

Admittedly, surrendering isn’t something that I used to think about on a regular basis. I wasn’t actively surrendering the different components of my life to God. But that changed about a month ago when a new situation in my life came up. No matter what ends up happening with this circumstance, I wanted to make sure I was approaching it the right way from the very beginning. So I surrendered it to God–and then when I felt myself tightening my grip, wanting control, I surrendered it again. And then again. And then again–sometimes as often as “every ten minutes,” as I exasperatedly told a friend one day.

And as the Lord has been teaching me more about the importance of surrender, I’ve been making a point to surrender other aspects of my life to Him, too, even when it sets my teeth on edge because I maybe don’t necessarily want to surrender XYZ (as if He doesn’t already have control over it anyway). There have been many anxious 3 AM prayer sessions where I talk myself all over again through the truths of what I know about God; that He is sovereign, that He is good, that He will not lead me where He does not follow–where He is not already there ahead of me. That (as a mentor told me many years ago) whatever God has for me will be good, because the center of His will is the best place to be.

I think my realization about the importance of surrendering may have started back in late September, when I had a “dream day”–something I want to start doing quarterly or so. I was in a new town by myself for a doctor appointment, and I took advantage of the beautiful afternoon to visit a new park; write out some dreams I have (both realistic dreams for my current season, and dreams that I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to fulfill short of a miracle); and pray over each one, surrendering it to God. It was an incredibly special and intimate time with the Lord and it helped me think anew about the importance of surrender.

My friend Hannah, who has a book on a similar topic coming out soon, has also really helped me see these concepts of surrender and showing up more clearly this fall. She shared a great podcast interview where she talked about how our generation doesn’t have FOMO, we have FOBO–fear of a better option. We don’t want to commit to things because we want to keep our options open in case something better comes along. But that’s actually hurting us so much more than we know. I completely agree with her take and I’ve long been an advocate for doing something; God will show you if it’s not the right thing, but don’t get stuck in decision paralysis. I’m trying to show up for my own life, making conscious decisions. I’m not waiting for my life to start–this is my life, right now. I’m living it today. I’m not falling prey to FOBO; I’m choosing and committing and staying.

I think I’m also in a season where I’m reaping the fruit of things I’m invested in, and it’s making me realize how important is to commit and invest. The last couple of years, as my physical capacity has narrowed, I’ve chosen to narrow my focus and go deep instead of wide (which is the opposite of my natural bent as an enneagram 3, lol)–choosing just a few things instead of trying to do everything, and really showing up fully and well for those few things, giving them my best rather than spreading myself painfully thin. For example, at the start of 2022 I made the decision to commit more fully to my church. With whatever energy I had, I chose to prioritize being at church, serving my church, and spending time with people from my church. And I cannot tell you how important that decision was. I love my church and my church family with all of my heart, and being more fully involved and committed with a local body of believers has changed my life.

Other places I’ve committed to show up include my music studio/my songwriting, and friendships (along with my creative pursuits and passions, my female friendships are one of the most important things in my life). Even though I’ve been very sick lately, there have still been so many times, even in just the past couple of weeks, where my heart has simply overflowed with pure happiness and love for my people and my community. God doesn’t waste anything; love is not something that can be wasted. Long story short, I am seeing the fruit of these commitments now. And it tastes so very sweet.

My friend Hannah also shared an Instagram Reel this fall about how there aren’t shortcuts to growth–how the best way to reach a goal or a milestone is to just show up, and then to keep showing up. To take the next step. It made me think of the results I’ve seen after changing the way I study the Bible/do my quiet time this summer. It’s a long story (ask me about it if you want! Basically just better learning how my brain retains information lol), but part of those changes included being more consistent–actually sitting down to open my Bible, focus, and read and pray in-depth every day instead of just whizzing through my Scripture memory app from bed and calling it done. And this is another area where I’m absolutely seeing fruit. My relationship with God feels so much stronger and closer, and I approach my day and others differently. Showing up for our spiritual disciplines is part of our sanctification.

This was mostly a big ramble (what else is blogging for?), but this is what I’ve been learning the past few months. The importance of surrender. The importance of showing up. I remember a recent night when I laid flat on my back in a hospital bed, staring at the fluorescent lights above me (see below), thinking about my current situation and listening on repeat to a song that I’m just now realizing is called Your Surrender. I remember 1 AM this morning, when I couldn’t sleep and was feeling so uncertain about my future, panicking about things where I really just need to CHILL. I remember the people who have surrounded me recently with spontaneous invites to coffee because they want to hear the updates, and drives home when I freak out in public because I’m a mess right now, and (so many, sorry y’all) texts reading along the lines of “it hasn’t been long enough to panic, just keep praying through it. And also switch to decaf babe.”

I think maybe as long as I keep surrendering, and keep showing up… it’ll be alright.

October 2023 Monthly Wrap-Up

During October I was pretty sick, in some ways that were new and different. Thankfully I made it to both of the concerts I’d bought myself tickets to: Maisie Peters and Renee Rapp! (They were great, but after seeing my total $500 Uber bill, I swore off concerts for the forseeable future.) I also enjoyed some great movies, music, and books; beautiful fall days with friends; and getting some new clients. Plus my usual October life crisis, which is usually less than enjoyable but resolved into unexpected peace on the last day of the month.

This month I’m…

Reading: Hope in the Valley, Mitali Perkins. Every Falling Star, Sungju Lee. The Brothers Hawthorne, Jennifer Lynn Barnes. Caterpillar Summer and These Unlucky Stars, Gillian McDunn. The Chalice of the Gods, Rick Riordan. The Iron Trial, The Copper Gauntlet, The Bronze Key, The Silver Mask, and The Golden Tower, Holly Black and Cassandra Clare. Love, Ruby Lavender, Deborah Wiles. (12 total)

Listening to: The latter half of my September/October playlist (so much good stuff). Maisie’s and Renee’s setlists.

Watching: YouTube–Glory’s Stories; Jordan Bauth; Shelby and Monica Church; Lindsay Heather Pearce. Movies–High School Musical; The Amazing Spider-Man; Red Notice (rewatch); Practical Magic. TV shows–Girl Meets World season 3 (rewatch).

Writing: Not much beyond the usual–volunteer work for People Hope and Diamonds; envelopes and letters to pen pals; writing songs; and dreaming about the MG novel I wish I could handle right now.

Buying: The cutest hair clip to ever clip hair. This theology handbook from Daily Grace Co. The comfiest Amazon lounge pants ever. This amazing handmade assemblage art piece that will be a staple in my library for years to come!

Grateful for: Girl talk. Finding easy sources. The fall breeze. Autumn browns, tans, and golds. PJO nostalgia. Talking to my brother/dad on the phone in Ubers at 11 pm. The exhilarating feeling of creative flow. Finally getting my LLC officially going. Friends who feel like home.

What did you do in October? How are you feeling about November?

September 2023 Monthly Wrap-Up

September found me wanting to hibernate. It was a busy summer ahead of a busy fall, and I wanted to stay home, enjoy solitude, and read books. When I wasn’t doing that (or dealing with the unexpected medical stuff that always, always comes up), I spent every spare minute with my church family. Overall I’d say it was a pretty good month, even though there was a lot less of that special kind of September magic that usually makes this my favorite month of the whole year.

This month I’m…

Reading: Enchantment: Awakening Wonder in an Anxious Age, Katherine May. You Are A Theologian: An Invitation to Know and Love God Well, Jen Wilkin and J.T. English. The Girl Who Fell From The Sky, Emma Carey (reread). Clues to the Universe, Christina Li. Into The Planet: My Life as a Cave Diver, Jill Heinerth. The House Swap, Yvette Clark. The Firefly Summer, Morgan Matson. Starstruck: A Memoir of Astrophysics and Finding Light in the Dark, Sarafina El-Badry Nance. Counting The Cost, Jill Duggar. When It All Syncs Up, Maya Ameyaw. Roman and Jewel, Dana L. Davis (reread). When Sea Becomes Sky, Gillian McDunn. The Otherworld, Abbie Emmons. 13 total.

Listening: My September playlist (Alessia Cara, Emily James, The Weepies… September music just hits different). Waves, Victoria Bigelow’s EP. Maisie Peters’ and Renee Rapp’s setlists (insert peeping eyes emoji). Kainos Project podcast. Terminal: The Dying Church Planter, the (excellent) podcast my dad did for work (learn more here).

Watching: YouTube–Paige Anastasi; Shelby Church vlogs. TV shows–Girl Meets World season 2 rewatch. Movies–The Devil Wears Prada; Freaky Friday (2003); Pete’s Dragon.

Writing: I did my usual volunteer work with People Hope and Diamonds as well as writing letters to pen pals and friends. I played some original stuff in a show at my music studio, and wrote 13,000 words of my memoir in under a week (then never touched it again lol #typical) plus played around with some MG novel ideas. I also uploaded two YouTube videos I’m proud of–VLOG: My Weekend Rhythms With Chronic Illness and the funny thing is….

Buying: Fall basics, like jeans that actually fit and neutral-colored sweaters.

Grateful for: Being able to contribute to God’s kingdom work. Creative words–even nonfiction ones–coming easy. My weighted eye mask. “I love you!”‘s across the parking lot. “Feed the Birds.” My favorite client doubling our monthly work. September golden hour. Alexia potato puffs. It feeling like fall. Actually being able to watch a movie. The amazing clouds. Being able to help a dear friend in a small way.

What did you do in September? What’s your favorite month of the year?

How would you live if you knew you were dying? (Podcast launch)

New England church planter Richard Pope is dying.

Well, yeah. Technically, you and I are dying, too.

The difference? Richard knows more or less how long he has left.

My dad Tony Hudson, a producer and writer for the North American Mission Board, has been working hard for nearly two years now to tell the story of Richard Pope, a young pastor and church planter who is living with terminal cancer. Today, the eight-episode podcast released into the world!

This important story is so well-told as it reminds us that our circumstances do not change our calling. To find the link to listen on your favorite podcast platform, click here.

(TW: This contains heavy topics including descriptions of childhood sexual abuse and suicide attempts, particularly in episode 2, so listen with care.)

August 2023 Monthly Wrap-Up

Wow, I’m just now realizing as I look back that August was a SUPER busy month. It wasn’t all good (my BeReals from August are mostly just me lying in bed being sick, lol), but a lot of it was! Exciting things happened, like finishing the recording sessions for my music; dropping Joshua off for his freshman year of college; and singing the national anthem at a minor league Braves game (listen here). And there was a lot of sweet time with my people, like joyful Sunday lunches that dragged late into the afternoon; a glorious antiquing/picnic day trip with Kenna; hanging out with Karen while she sold her handmade bags at a dog agility trial; unmatchable time with old friends; a lovely winery evening with Andrea and her family; and more. Selected photos below…

This month I’m…

Reading: Beginners Welcome, Cindy Baldwin. Fourth Wing, Rebecca Yarros. Philippians, Baker Bible Guides. Every Good Boy Does Fine, Jeremy Denk (DNF). A Bird Will Soar, Alison Green Myers. Mitch and Amy, Beverly Cleary (reread). A Separate Peace, John Knowles (reread). Give Me A Sign, Anna Sortino. Family of Liars and We Were Liars, E. Lockhart (both rereads). The Museum of Lost and Found, Leila Sales. Bicycling with Butterflies, Sara Dykman. The Westing Game, Ellen Raskin (reread). Preaching the Gospel to Yourself, Daily Grace Co. Ruby Lost and Found, Christina Li. The Naturals, Jennifer Lynn Barnes (DNF). 16 total.

Listening to: My July/August playlist. Rolling Up The Welcome Mat (For Good), Kelsea Ballerini’s new EP. Snow Angel, Renee Rapp’s debut album! Alexander Joseph.

Watching: YouTube–Sailing Zatara; Katie Mack; Jordan Bauth. TV shows–The Summer I Turned Pretty season 2; Girl Meets World season 1 (rewatch, and yes it is still just as unspeakably perfect as always).

Writing: I did very little work this month and had very little work stress, which is always the dream. I volunteered with People Hope and the Diamonds Conference; worked on recording/producing my music as well as preparing for a show I’m playing in next month; posted one YouTube video; and made letters/cards for friends and pen pals.

Buying: Too much stuff at antique shops–including a narrow chest of drawers that I randomly found at an estate sale and that just happened to be from my bedroom set! Outfits for concerts I’m going to this fall. A microphone for Zoom.

Grateful for: CREATING! WITH! PEOPLE! Kitty yawns. The sunset God gave me. My family helping around my house. Good parking spots. True rest. A waitress who brought me a (free) Popsicle. Being able to drain my stomach again (after six months). Joshua’s college updates. The kittens under the porch. Antique earrings. Stretching my voice in a way that I haven’t in a while. Fun new experiences. Good morning texts from one grandpa and letters from the other.

What did you do this month?

July 2023 Monthly Wrap-Up

July was kind of a weird month; I don’t know. I packed in a lot!! Health-wise, I had two rough weeks and two somewhat better weeks (and worked on investigating out-of-state treatment options). I dug deep into working on my original music with any spare ounce of energy I had–doing recording sessions, photoshoots, in-depth harmony brainstorms or listening and re-listening to demos. There was also a destructive tornado in my town, and a nervous breakdown about work, and multiple pieces of disappointing news… and giddiness about progress on my music, and sunny happy days with friends, and feeling so deeply content lying in the sunshine with my kitty eating Italian ice. I took a TON of pictures this month, so maybe these (selected) photos will speak better than my words!

This month I’m…

Reading: The Hired Girl, Laura Amy Schlitz (reread). We Are All That’s Left, Carrie Arcos. The Chosen, Chaim Potok (reread). Demystifying Disability, Emily Ladau. Tales From A Village School, Miss Read. No Matter the Distance and Where the Watermelons Grow, Cindy Baldwin. The Lost Year, Katherine Marsh. Wreck at Ada’s Reef, Michael D. Beil (DNF). Misty of Chincoteague (reread) and Misty’s Twilight, Marguerite Henry. Skating Shoes, Noel Streatfeild. The Opposite of Butterfly Hunting, Evanna Lynch. Maid, Stephanie Land. The Inheritance Games, The Hawthorne Legacy, and The Final Gambit, Jennifer Lynn Barnes. 17 total.

Listening to: The Good Witch album, Maisie Peters (!). Lily Williams. It Is What It Is, Jenna Raine (what did she put in this song). No Time to Die and What Was I Made For? (can’t stop streaming either one), Billie Eilish. My July/August playlist. Made For This, Jennie Allen’s podcast.

Watching: YouTube–Monica and Shelby Church vlogs; Finn Whitaker. Movies–Barbie. TV shows–The Summer I Turned Pretty season 2.

Writing: My primary creative focus this month was to work hard on producing my original music! Beyond my usual lessons, I had recording sessions, photoshoots, and spent a lot of time and thought digging deep into every detail of these songs. It’s been a lot of work and going a little slower than I expected, but the process is making me so excited and happy, and I’m learning a lot.

In July I also did my usual volunteer work with People Hope and the Diamonds Conference, and sent letters to friends and pen pals.

And I upgraded my freelance writing business from a sole proprietorship to a single-member LLC taxed as an S-corp (The Hardworking Creative, LLC), as well as opening a retirement account (things you have to do for yourself when you’re self-employed).

Buying: The usual–books, clothes, letter/card supplies.

Grateful for: Going out on a Saturday night. Old friendships that just feel so natural and familiar. All of the gracious help I’ve been receiving to make my dreams and goals happen. Chapel services. Benadryl. Feeling like myself. Brain energy. Screen door sunshine. The feeling of diving into an amazing new book series. Discovering epic harmonies. Driving on July nights with the windows down.

What did you do in July?

How the faithfulness of God has defined my entire life

I started this blog post two months ago and have been meaning to finish it ever since. A few weeks ago, I was sitting in the wooden pew at church with my friends, watching the clouds pass through the curved window above the stage. “You know why you’re good at what you’re good at?” my pastor said during the course of his sermon. “The grace of God.” Hey, I thought immediately, I really need to finish that blog post. In his next breath, my pastor pointed at me (sitting in the front row problems). “You know why Hailey is such a good writer? God’s grace.”

This morning I sat in the same spot (don’t tell me you don’t do it, too) and we sang Great Is Thy Faithfulness in a chapel lit only by sunlight (the storm/tornado this week hit my area hard). My pastor asked the congregation to share how they’ve seen God’s faithfulness in their lives, and I spoke a little bit about this–clumsily, I’m sure, because I haven’t looked at this blog post in two months. But I’ve still been thinking about it, and so finally, here it is.

A couple of months ago, my mom found some journals that she kept when I was a baby and a toddler. She gave them to me to read and keep. Some of the stories in the journals are well integrated into family lore, told so often I got sick of them years ago (“speaking of zebras, did you bring any dental floss?”). Others were new to me: It cracked me up that my two-year-old self misheard “dogwood tree” as “doggie treat tree” and, when corrected, sadly told our dog Charlie that he couldn’t actually climb the doggie treat tree because there weren’t really treats on it. (Children’s book, anyone?) My mom also noted that a lot of the things I said as a toddler sounded very passive aggressive, which, yes, that tracks. And in many ways, I truly have not changed: I cackled when I read my three-year-old self’s line “I’m going to cry in my bed tonight because I miss Charlie [who was boarding at the vet while we were on vacation],” because I basically reacted the exact same way in May when Mom broke the news that she’d banished Sophie for the weekend of Joshua’s graduation.

I could talk about cute dog stories forever, because there were a lot (“dog” was my first real word), but that’s not the point of this post. What really stuck out is this: how early both the biggest defining hard things in my life, and the biggest defining good things in my life showed up.

Here’s what I mean by that. Starting out with the hard things: My chronic illness didn’t get serious until I was 15 or 16, but I’ve had health issues my entire life. Including, apparently, the odd seizure-like activity that started when I was a baby. Before my first birthday, my mom’s journals note that I began having episodes (often associated with fevers) where I would shake my head back and forth and my eyes would roll back into my head. This happened many times and sent my parents back and forth to doctors, clinics, a neurologist, and eventually for a brain MRI. (Now, I’ve had more brain MRI’s and EEG’s than I can count. I have another one this week, and I’m trying my best to get out of an additional full three-day hospital admission for seizure monitoring this summer.) Ear infections and sinus infections were common, too. And a few years later, at the age of four, I was (separately/unrelated) diagnosed with amblyopia by a pediatric ophthalmologist. I remember decorating my eye patch with stickers just like I now decorate my current medical devices with tubie pads and tape, 20 years later.

Besides music and dogs, the other prominent theme that I saw in my mom’s journals was language. I recognized letters and spoke in three- to four-word sentences before the age of one; narrated my dollhouse family’s life with complete sentences in “he said ____” or “____, she asked” by two; loved doing handwriting and reading beginner readers at the age of four. Fast forward a few years and I was reading on a 5th-grade level in first grade. Not that I was some kind of child prodigy, but I love language and words and they seems to come naturally to me, and I think it’s interesting that this showed up so early.

My old counselor, who was also a good family friend and has now sadly passed away, used to say often that he believed God had given me the gift of writing to allow me to support myself through chronic illness. I believe this, too–lately, more strongly than ever. As an enneagram 3, things like independence, work, and a career are very important to me. But I couldn’t go to college and there is no way I could hold down any sort of “normal” or traditional job–I would absolutely still be living with my parents, maybe on disability. Sometimes–lately, much more often than I’d like–all I have is an hour a day that I can push myself to sit on my couch and write on my computer. Turns out, that’s all I need.

The defining pillars of my life have been present for longer than I can remember. The chronic illness and weird health stuff and doctors who couldn’t explain what was happening in my body–but also, the writing (and music and dogs, haha). Words and language–the unique gifting from God that not only brings me joy, but gives me the priceless ability to support myself through illness. It makes me feel comforted and infinitely cared for to recognize how God’s hand has been on these things from the beginning.

And it’s not all about work. Writing brings me joy, too. I have gone through multiple periods over the last few years, including right now, where my health has made me unable to write novels–but as I can, I still write poetry, songs, or simply blog posts like this. My mom’s journals also talked about music; I was playing songs by ear on the piano by the age of four, or “conducting” music that I heard in church. And while my health prevents me from making a living through music, music still provides a source of joy and community, even when it’s hard (musicogenic epilepsy, anyone?). Writing and music have always felt like the two things that make me the most me. I try not to put too much stock in these facets of my identity; of course, anything can be taken away. But so far, God–Who will never leave or forsake me–has graciously given me these things to help me make it through chronic illness and life here on earth.

The tough things that have defined, changed, and reshaped my life? They were present all the way back in 2000, slowly building and worsening over the course of my life. But the gifts that gave me a soft place to land? The foundation for those was being built earlier than I realized, too.

And if that doesn’t show the faithfulness of God, I don’t know what does.

June 2023 Monthly Wrap-Up

June was not a great month. Chronic illness stuff hit me very hard almost this entire month, and we don’t fully know why. I did make a few nice memories like visiting my grandpa (watch a music video of the trip); singing (spontaneously) at the grand opening of a new local music studio/art gallery that I’m really excited about; and the rare days when I had the energy to run errands or sit on my balcony. I won’t say June was a complete wash, because there was value here, too. But it didn’t feel like it a lot of the time.

This month I’m…

Reading: Tune It Out, Jamie Sumner. Betsy and Joe, Maud Hart Lovelace (reread). Disfigured: On Fairy Tales, Disability, and Making Space, Amanda Leduc. Systemology, David Jenyns. Under A Dancing Star, A Snowfall of Silver, and A Sky Painted Gold, Laura Wood (rereads). All My Knotted-Up Life, Beth Moore. Paris, Paris Hilton. Happy Place, Emily Henry. Hitty: Her First Hundred Years, Rachel Field. Invincible Louisa, Cornelia Meigs. 12 total.

Listening to: My June playlist. The Good Witch, Maisie Peters’ new album (IT’S HERE AND IT SURPASSED MY EXPECTATIONS). Kelsea Ballerini (never thought I’d say this, but I am fully in my Kelsea Ballerini era).

Watching: YouTube–Sailing Zatara; Finn Whitaker; Jordan Bauth; The Frey Life. Movies–Take Care of Maya (read my review of this documentary). TV shows–Shiny Happy People; The Summer I Turned Pretty season 1 (rewatch).

Writing: This month was tough in this category. Most weeks, I struggled to work for 5-8 hours. It felt like I was forced to take every other day completely off. But I did my usual volunteer work with People Hope and the Diamonds Conference; wrote letters to friends; and made progress on working toward recording my music.

Buying: A new phone case (OBSESSED). Some devotional books and prayer journals. Butterfly stamps and butterfly earrings. A new journal and a 2024 planner. Overalls.

Grateful for: Being able to run fluids wherever I am. Blue jays. Late night arguments, complete with demonstrations, about what words mean. Fresh sheets. The hot breeze while driving barefoot. Girl talk. Days that feel like hope. My friend and I falling in love with the same music artist at the same time. Signing with new clients. No more home health!! Energy for errands. Chapel time.

What did you do in June? What music is defining your summer this year?