Roger K. Allen's Blog, page 10

Becoming-Nourishing That Unseen Part of You

I’ve introduced, in the past, the ABCs of happiness: Appreciating, Becoming, and Connecting. I’ve also written quite a bit about appreciating in past blog posts. I define it as an attitude of gratitude, expressing thanks for the goodness of your life and what has made it so. Today, I want to turn our attention to a definition of becoming, at least how I think about becoming.

Meaning of Becoming

So let me offer a definition of becoming. I think of it as a process of growth into a more mature hum...

Becoming-A Key Ingredient of Happiness

I’ve introduced, in the past, the ABCs of happiness: Appreciating, Becoming, and Connecting. I’ve also written quite a bit about appreciating in past blog posts. I define it as an attitude of gratitude, expressing thanks for the goodness of your life and what has made it so. Today, I want to turn our attention to a definition of becoming, at least how I think about becoming.

Meaning of Becoming

So let me offer my definition of becoming. I think of it as engaging in practices that nourish and en...

Summer Sale-Incredible Prices

Woman excited to get lowest price for online course

Hi my friend,

As a kick-off to summer, I wanted to reach out to you and offer you the lowest prices on some of my online courses. Just scroll down and click on a subject that interests you. (You don’t even have to start the course right away. You own it for a lifetime and can come back to it at your convenience.)

These are incredible prices. Most online video courses that are the length and quality of my courses sell for $200.00 to $500.00. But...

A Few Myths of Happiness

In a recent blog post I talked about the ABCs of happiness or the three core themes to live a happier life. Now I want to step back and talk about some of the myths of happiness. We have to understand what happiness is and also what it is not in order to live happier lives. So here are some common misconceptions.

You are happy or you are not

One myth of happiness is that you are happy or you are not—like you’re born with it or you’re not. And although there is a strong genetic component to happ...

A Perfect Happiness Score

I talked, in my last post, about what we learn from science about happiness and suggested three core themes from the happiness literature (the ABCs of happiness).

I want to continue this topic by sharing a short video on the topic. Before you watch it, let me just share a bit of the backstory. The woman featured in the video is a former school teacher in Los Angeles. Since retiring, she has opened her home, in evenings and on weekends, to struggling youth. And just before this video she went th...

Tips to Be Happy-What We Know from Science

I’ve long been interested in understanding happiness and, consequently, have stayed abreast of this body of research over the last several years. Now I want to share what I’ve learned from the  science of happiness (and tips to be happy).

The Genetic Component

Notice that 50% of our happiness is hard-wired. This has been determined by studies on identical twins. The first of these studies was conducted in the mid-seventies by researchers at my alma mater, the University of Minnesota. (As an as...

Three Strategies to Shape Your Thinking and Feel More Joy

 

Your brain is a lot like Amazon.com.

But instead of books, socks, and vacuum filters (or whatever you buy on Amazon), your brain sells THOUGHTS. Millions of them. And you are the customer. Every day, every minute, inside your mind, you are searching for thoughts, browsing through thoughts, and clicking on the ones you want to believe.

All the thoughts in the world are available to you inside of what I call your “Mindazon.com.”

You have your own Mindazon account. Your own browsing history and ...

How to Feel Better About Yourself

 

One of the most important decisions you will ever make in life is how you feel about yourself. Of course, we don’t usually think of this as a decision. It’s a given, just the way it is. And yet, I want to suggest it is a decision and one with far reaching consequences. How you feel about yourself is a filter through which you interpret all of your life experiences. The purpose of this article is to help you better understand this notion of self-esteem and one very important thing you can do t...

Vulnerable Listening

Photo by Joanna Nix-Walkup on Unsplash

Vulnerable Listening

In my last article, I talked about the importance of being vulnerable in your communication. Being vulnerable is a willingness to own and communicate your thoughts, feelings, needs and wants in a clear and yet non-dogmatic or blaming way. It’s communicating in a way that allows you to assert yourself while also showing respect for your partner.

Now I want to talk about the other side of communication—listening, and in particular being v...

Being Vulnerable in Marriage

In my last post, I talked about four different styles of communication: dominating, accommodating, avoiding, and collaborating. Collaborating means that you’re honest about your own thoughts, feelings, needs, and wants. You’re also willing to show empathy for your partner’s thoughts, feelings, needs, and wants. This is the healthiest of the communication styles and becomes particularly important as you get into deeper and more sensitive conversations.

This kind of communication requires vulnera...