Jordan Antonacci's Blog, page 49

Poem: LONER

They showed me

a path

One which

cut through

the dense forest

like a knife

Paved

guaranteed

to keep me

safe

I said

No thanks.

Turned and walked

into the trees

to pave

my own way

and in the process

began

to suffocate

Night fell

quick

and little did

I know

the sun would never

rise up

again

I looked back, and

everyone had

left

Cut ties

burned bridges

No goodbyes

Unread messages

Some days

alone

I wondered which way

to get home

But this was

my journey

The adventure of

a lifetime

A flame that was

burning

I knew I’d chase

till I died

Some days

I did wish

for everything

to just end

But even the smallest light

will shine bright

in the darkest night

And through my

never ending night

I believe I’ve spied

a flare of sunrise

If not

then I guess I’ll die

blind

I know day break

is somewhere

I just need

to get there

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Published on September 24, 2018 08:17

Poem: My Garden of Eden

Within my heart

a garden of Eden

A garden of the gods

A garden so ripe

succulent with life

Within the suns light

blossoms bloomed bright

At least

once upon a time

Then stems

withered in storm winds

Leaves

shriveled and fell from trees

Roots

cracked as the earth shook

And skies

turned black

No angels can beckon me back

It’s hotter than hell where I’m at

I am an animal

with you

Troye Sivan, Animal

The Garden of Gods

that once thrived with life

lost the beat to its heart

Eden had died

Then

Like the wind

she parted the clouds

In a breath

allowed light to stream down

to touch vines

and supply the garden

with a revived life

A single step

onto earth

was as if

time reversed

She came wielding

seeds and greenery

Sowing fields

Blossoms of feeling

Allowing soil and earth

to finally beat again

Supplying life

to my Garden of Eden

I don’t know if you’ll ever read this… but if you do, I hope you know it’s to you

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Published on September 20, 2018 18:49

Is Goodbye to Me that Easy

They don’t

notice me

I

live life

so lowkey

Alone

but not so lonely

Still,

wont anyone

ever come and hold me?

Nobody

wants to pay

attention

till I’m sittin

wrist slit

A victim of

something hidden

They wont care

till I’m dead

then the whole town

is my best friend

talking on

what never happened

false tears

all on my casket

All I wanted

was to be seen

but am overlooked

on my knees

pleading

They just

leave

Is goodbye

to me that easy?

Thanks for reading, guys!

So, I met a girl the other day. Took her out to a movie ( The Nun). Lol I really like her. We’re going hiking this weekend. I’ll post pictures and all that

Hope you liked the poetry!

Love,

Jordan Antonacci

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Published on September 19, 2018 05:08

Release Me

“Just make sure you tell my family it’s okay, I’m sorry. But it’s too late, I’m sorry. So much weighing on me. I don’t wanna live to see another day, I’m sorry. But I can’t stay, I’m sorry. So much weighing on me.”

-Joyner Lucas, I’m sorry

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I don’t miss you

To miss you,

I’d need to care

You would’ve needed to

be there

But you weren’t

All you did in life

was quit

A wife and kids,

you abandoned

A whole life you just

left

Why?

The only thing you could

commit to was,

suicide

So many things,

I just don’t know

So many more since you

left no note

Can you hear me?

You can, I hope

So many words

I never spoke

Now I can’t

cause you left

On those words,

I choke

Were we alike?

Did we share

the same mind?

I’ve felt so alone

through my whole life

Again I ask,

why?

Terrified I might

Grow to be like

you.

If so,

I’d probably choose

to end up

six feet deep too.

“Oh, dear Dad. Can you see my now? I am myself–like you somehow. I’ll wait up in the dark, for you to speak to me. I’ll hold the pain. Release me.”

-Pearl Jam, Release Me

Even if you don’t enjoy hip-hop, I still encourage you to watch this video and listen to the lyrics. Very poetic and powerful writing by Joyner Lucas.

Thanks for reading! Find me on Twitter @misterhushhush

-Jordan Antonacci

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Published on September 18, 2018 20:40

Poem: Is Goodbye to Me that Easy

They don’t

notice me

I

live life

so lowkey

Alone

but not so

lonely

Still,

wont anyone

ever come

and hold me?

Nobody

wants to pay

attention

till I’m sittin

wrist slit

A victim of

something hidden

They wont care

till I’m dead

then the whole town

is my best friend

talking on

what never happened

false tears

all on my casket

All I wanted

was to be seen

but am overlooked

on my knees

pleading

They just

leave

Is goodbye

to me that easy?

Thanks for stopping by and reading, guys!

I’ve been slacking these last couple of days and I apologize. I’ve had a bit going on: trying to take this music seriously, just finally got moved, planning a new book, andddd I’m kinda talking to someone

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Published on September 18, 2018 05:45

Poem: Two AM Text

It’s about two

through the window

I watch stars

I watch the moon

Though I feel the need

to pull the curtains to

I can’t keep

from texting you

Just one

one more message

that’s what I’ve said

since ten

Then

a notification

One more time

let me check

what text

she’s sent

Through low lids

blurry vision

I read

then laugh

like a kid

half awake

half in bed

typing something

I’ll probably regret

We just met

not even in person

yet this back and forth

has drifted to flirtin

Drifting like

me, in a way

in and out

of dream’s doorframe

Coz what you say

to me

couldn’t be

reality

Then again

anybody

can be anyone

on the other end

What is a dream

if not

imagination

pretend

Still

you have me

on the edge

of my bed

like I’m dangling

from a cliff

one fingertip

in this book

of fiction

Breathless

awaiting

your next

text

So, tonight is my first night sleeping in my car. I’m actually finding it rather enjoyable. Uncomfortable, but enjoyable. It’s well past midnight and I’m texting this certain someone–ahem, the poem.

Anyway, I have to get to sleep soon somehow. Me and her are going hiking in the morning and if I’m too tired I’ll die at the bottom of the first hill. Not a great first impression.

Also, check out my YouTube!

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Published on September 16, 2018 05:44

Depression and Addiction

I’m not saying these two (depression and addiction) go together–but there does seem to be a painfully in-your-face relation between the two in my life.

So, I’ve been blogging for over a year now. A year and a half? Over 200 posts, and in each, I’ve been incredibly open–bringing to light sensitive and personal matters such as loneliness, mental health issues, failed relationships, and even my biological father’s suicide.

Insides out. Guts spilled. Blood for ink. All in the open. Put on display with hopes that others will read, connect, and find even the faintest sense of comfort in knowing they’re not alone in how they feel.

But in all of this vulnerability and transparency, never have I really touched up on the brittle subject that is addiction–an issue so prominent in my life that it has plagued me for the last decade. So, in this here post, I intend to finally shine a light toward that dark corner of my cage, and make its presence known.

Come out come out, whatever you are.

Life isn’t Enough.

In my personal opinion, we’re all addicted to something. Oh, we’re not? Wait, you’re not popping pills on the daily? Cool, but that’s not what I meant. What I mean is that we all have our own little obsessions which we’d hate to live without but aren’t necessary to the continuance of life. You have the gym rat, the shopaholic, the gambler, the food addict, the workaholic, the alcoholic, the adrenaline junkie, the sex addict, the pill junkie… Rarely do I come across someone in life who is simply high on life. And even then, everyone has their dirty little secrets.

I’ve always said it like this: life is the basics of a cake. It’s enjoyable if it’s all you know. But then you’re introduced to icing, sprinkles, whipped cream, ice cream… At that point it’s like, “WHY WOULD I GO BACK TO REGULAR, BORING OL CAKE?!”

Desperate for Flavor.

Take that icing-less cake, drop it into a bowl with a cup of depression, mix it up, and get a taste of the most bland, dry, nothingness you’ve ever tasted. You may as well be eating paper. No, it’s worse than that. You may as well be eating a spoonful of dry air.

And depression–depression in my head is like a constant flat line. Some people describe it as the feeling of dying, but for me, it’s the feeling of already being dead and six feet deep. I’m never happy, I’m never sad… I just am.

So, I’m not sure what it is, but that concoction of bland cake and depression leaves me gagging hard. Leaves me desperate to get flavor on my tongue to wash down that bleh.

Cause and Effect.

I suppose, at its core, this is a simple case of cause and effect. But, you know, the kind with the simplicity of a blizzard brewing over the Sahara Desert.

One of the ingredients listed in that cup o’ depression is something along the lines of lacking feelings for things you once loved. For me, I find it extremely difficult to find satisfaction/pleasure in everyday activities. The norm. On the daily, I drown in a proneness to boredom and a thirst for excitement that can’t quite be quenched.

I flip every cushion, check behind every door, sail every sea to no avail. Nothing. There’s nothing on this earth that can make me feel ANYTHING.

Well… not exactly. I too like icing on my bland cake. I like sprinkles, whipped cream, ice cream, and I like a lot of it!

But even still, once I’ve filled myself with all the deliciousness I thought I craved, I put down my fork and knife only to realize I’m still hungry.

Thanks for reading, guys! I’ve been away for several days, but I’ve been busy driving back to Texas, selling my furniture, and stuffing my car with what I can. It’s all done though. The chapter of Texas is over. Now it’s time to write the next.

Jordan Antonacci

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Published on September 14, 2018 18:18

Poem: I now Pronounce you, Husband and Wife

How do you sleep

in meadows and pink skies

yet live

with ghouls and cycled cries

How do you stomp

red roses and lillies

then plant new seeds

hoping for twice the beauty

You buy a house

on top of a mountain

then watch the view

from behind glass

You buy a new phone

with perfect signal

then turn it off

when anyone calls

You paint a masterpiece

spending night after night

then once done

set it alight

You preach of peace

love and happiness

then flood the streets

with blood and madness

You want a family

to give and receive love

but kill every relationship

on first touch

You dream of cartoons on the tv

a happily every after

but know all you’ll ever see

is a static screen, and disaster

How do you dream

of such beauty

yet live

in such chaos?

Hey my peoples,

Thanks for stopping by and checking out today’s poetry. Currently, I’m in a sleeping bag on the floor, watching the sunrise through these picture-still TN trees. A dream last night kinda inspired this piece. Hope you liked it

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Published on September 09, 2018 04:24