Jordan Antonacci's Blog, page 53

Poem: Blackout

The anger still lingers

The face in the mirror

Distorted by the danger

Looks only like

a stranger

So I took a marker

and colored the mirror

black

We used to be

so so close

you used to be

a place I called home

but now that home

has grown so cold

and empty, like

decaying bones

I’ve recently

committed a crime

and no I didn’t

even think twice

I took a knife

my oh my

and stuck it into

my past life

All the pictures

All the memories

All the hearts

my lovers sent to me

has burst into

flames of my past

And it’s okay

I’m not even sad

as a new day will rise

and bloom from the ash

The grass here is greener

Finally, at last

“Life is for the living”

-Action Bronson

Don’t just live in life—thrive.

-Jordan

Photography by Jordan Antonacci (ya boy)

Poem: The Heartbeat of Years

The clock ticks

away years

like the beat

of my heart

You’re still

in my tears

I wear your name

like a scar

Wishing you

were here

as I look upon

a million stars

I awake into

a nightmare

everyday I’m not

in your arms

We’re all home now

but you are nowhere

to be found

Together, we remember

of everything before

that cold day in December

As we hope and try

with dimly lit eyes

to keep you and your love

burning through the night

Unable to face

the truth of sunrise

so we

choose to go blind

We missed you at the reunion. Love you.

Hey peeps! Thanks for stopping by MrHushHush Entries; I hope you liked the poem.

Hopefully, I’ll have some new music and a new vlog posted by tomorrow so do check out the YouTube channel!

Like and follow along. Thanks guys!

Love y’all

Jordan

I think I just moved back to TN

It’s amazing how quickly your whole life can change, isn’t it? One minute you have a perfect idea of how everything is going to play out… the next, something as gentle as a breeze comes along and changes the direction of everything.

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So, the family reunion that brought me to Knoxville went well. Really well. The entire family connected in a way I’m not sure it has in a long time. And in the middle of it all, I had something of an epiphany. A real eye opening moment. Suddenly, everything in life fell into perspective.

For so long, I’ve been on the run from this empty feeling—but I’ve always run in the wrong direction. As I sat at that reunion, I realized I had unknowingly been led in the right direction. Finally.

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I was supposed to be heading back to TX tomorrow, but when I woke up this morning, I knew that wasn’t going to happen. I immediately got ready and went job hunting. My aunts brother does AC work, so I talked to him and he’s going to let me work with him for awhile. My cousin said I can rent out the extra space she has behind her house. And I couldn’t be more thrilled.

Just like that, I’ve dropped everything and started over. From the ground up. Honestly, I’ve never felt more at home or at peace. Or alive.

This is the start of a new book, from chapter one. A new journey.

I’m crazy, I know

Overnight road trip: Tx to Tn (pics & vid)

For me, I’m realizing that I feel most alive while traveling—when I’m out on the open road with the world at my feet and time in my pocket. There seems to be nothing more thrilling to me than a journey. I love having a destination in my mind, but what I love even more is the adventure to get there.

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So, I was originally supposed to leave early Thursday morning… but that didn’t happen. Instead, for whatever delusional reason, I chose to leave at 7 pm, and drive all night. It was definitely a memorable experience. I think. I was so tired I hardly remember anything after 4 AM.

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What’s making this trip even more exciting is where I’m sleeping. Initially, I had plans to sleep in my car, but then my friend offered to let me stay in one of his empty houses. I wasn’t going to just say no.

There isn’t any furniture though.

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Though I chose to move from this place, Knoxville still is and will always be my home. In fact, I’ve had such an amazing time these last few days reconnecting with friends and family, I’m longing to move back. I’ve missed the tight, winding roads, the rolling foggy hills and mountains, the abandoned barn houses and country folk…

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Just goes to show—you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone.

Thanks for reading! I’m not quite sure when I’m going back “home” at this point, so I’m sure I’ll be doing another travel post soon.

Have a good weekend

Jordan Antonacci

Overnight road trip: Tx to Tn

For me, I’m realizing that I feel most alive while traveling—when I’m out on the open road with the world at my feet and time in my pocket. There seems to be nothing more thrilling to me than a journey. I love having a destination in my mind, but what I love even more is the adventure to get there.

[image error]

So, I was originally supposed to leave early Thursday morning… but that didn’t happen. Instead, for whatever delusional reason, I chose to leave at 7 pm, and drive all night. It was definitely a memorable experience. I think. I was so tired I hardly remember anything after 4 AM.

[image error] [image error] [image error]

What’s making this trip even more exciting is where I’m sleeping. Initially, I had plans to sleep in my car, but then my friend offered to let me stay in one of his empty houses. I wasn’t going to just say no.

There isn’t any furniture though.

[image error]

Though I chose to move from this place, Knoxville still is and will always be my home. In fact, I’ve had such an amazing time these last few days reconnecting with friends and family, I’m longing to move back. I’ve missed the tight, winding roads, the rolling foggy hills and mountains, the abandoned barn houses and country folk…

[image error]

Just goes to show—you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone.

Thanks for reading! I’m not quite sure when I’m going back “home” at this point, so I’m sure I’ll be doing another travel post soon.

Have a good weekend

Jordan Antonacci

Poem: Tears of an Angel

When I was young

My grandma would say

the rain from above

came from the eyes

of Angels

as they cried

To me

it didn’t mean much

at the time

But now that

my Nanny has become

an angel herself

when it rains

I dwell

I pray these tears

aren’t flooding

from her loving eyes

as well

Please, Nanny

don’t be

sad

I love you

Check out my vlog on YouTube if you haven’t yet!

Poem: Shy Girl

Shy girl

Oh shy girl

When you stare into

The shattered mirror

I don’t believe

You see what I see

The way you grin

At the ground

The way you laugh

Without a sound

The heart you seek

Is upon your sleeve

I see the way

You weep as it bleeds

You think you may

Have my eyes covered

But I don’t see

Quite like the others

You hide your tears

In daylights rain

From clouds you brew

To shade your pain

When you try

To hide your face

Afraid of all

They may say

Shy girl

Oh shy girl

When I stare into

Your shattered eyes

The pieces of you

Seem to fit

perfectly with mine

Hey there, thanks for stopping by, and I hope you liked the poem! If so, I invite you to follow along

Poem: Rivers and Dreams

I dream of love

Only to awake and face

The truth of my heart

That it is made to break

My dreams were stolen

Before I

Awoke

This here

Is why I

Am broke

But I don’t cry

For the rivers and oceans

Have fun dry

It’s only when

I close my eyes

That I

Finally feel alive

Soils that were once

Bone dry

Become flooded, but

Only at night

And the world of reality

That harbors drought

Fades away

Like wind through clouds

But only at night

When I

lie down

I dream of love

Only to awake and face

The truth of my heart

That it is made to break

Thanks for reading, everyone

I Quit my Job to be a Full-time Dreamer

How do you make your dreams come true?

Is there some secret formula that’s been written and hidden in a safe in Mr. Krabs’ office? I certainly hope there isn’t. I’d be pretty pissed.

Since I was a teenager, I’ve been pursuing my dreams, and for the last six years, I’ve been pursuing them in the exact same manner. Every. Fucking. Day.

I get up at the ass crack of dawn, got to work in the hundred degree heat, then come home and spend the few hours I have left chasing a dream. I’m not getting any younger, Time’s not reversing, nor is it slowing down. Opportunities are slipping from my grasp and I’m just watching them go. I am running in place while these dreams I reach for only get further and further away.

I’m a huge believer in giving a hundred. If you truly want something, you have to give it your all. Anything less and you’re just wasting your time. In my previous relationship (some of you may remember), the girl never gave 100; because of that, we didn’t work out.

Do I feel like this is a stupid idea? You betcha. Undoubtedly. A million times yes. While I am a believer in giving something your all, I’m also a believer in not putting all your eggs in one basket. Since I was 13, that’s what I’ve been told… and I think I believed it a bit too much, because for the past six years, I’ve pursued my dreams with the comfort of having something to fall back on, and honestly, I think I’ve gotten too comfortable.

In an episode of “Friends,” Chandler tells Rachel that she needs to quit her job and get “the fear,” so that she can find the motivation to pursue her dreams a bit harder. Since I saw that episode, that notion has been stuck in my head. So… here I am. I now have “the fear.” Let’s see what happens.

 

P.S. I’m pretty close with my boss, so he understands where I’m coming from. Worst comes to worst, I go back to the damn job. But honestly, at this point, I think I’d rather buy a van and live in it. *Shoulder shrug* We’ll see.

Thanks for reading!

-Jordan Antonacci

Twitter: @misterhushhush

 

Photography by Jordan Antonacci (ya boy)

 

Poem: The Perfect Curse

Penning the words

of a perfect curse

Forgetting, or

a broken heart

Tell me what

hurts the worst

This is the art

of how I fall apart

and why my feelings

won’t just work

I’m dying to

feel alive

Finding the light, but

only at night

I long to feel

the tug of a smile

a feeling I haven’t felt

in the last 24 miles

But this is the sadness

that fuels the habit

to put pen to paper

and drive the madness

Thanks for reading, and I hope you liked it! I’m going to go make some coffee now. Hope everyone enjoys their Saturday