Bill Conrad's Blog, page 6

118 Lessons My First Book Taught Me

At an early age, I had ideas floating around my bonkers mind and recorded a few precious gems for school projects. It was typical of a young boy building a race car, going on epic adventures, saving the world, going into space, inventing something extraordinary, starting in a rock band, or meeting a beautiful woman.
Most plots faded into obscurity as I grew, but one refused to die. So, on January 09, 2011, I did something about it. I began a journal of my inventions, ideas, thoughts, and essential things that needed to be recorded. I dedicated one section to plots that could become books. Why? I classified a book as an invention. Yeah… Typical engineer.
At that time, I was unemployed, and a few months later, another company hired me. It has always been a dream to start a company, and at this new job, an opportunity presented itself. A coworker was starting an internet marketing company and asked for my help. I worked long hours and spent thousands bringing his vision to life. The company folded at the eleventh hour because he had a mental breakdown. Bummer.
The next time I was laid off, I did not want to start a company because of the bad experience. So, I turned to my journal of inventions for inspiration. I settled on the get-rich-quick concept of writing a book. I discussed this with my wife, and she replied, “Let’s see what you come up with.”
I had five stories that I thought were book-worthy and began with my second-best concept because I wanted to gain experience before tackling my favorite plot.
My first word was recorded on August 16, 2016, at 3:15 pm. The words came out easily because I mentally worked out the plot for ~15 years. About two months later, my first draft was done. Yay? I immediately concluded it was too short. So, I added scenes, pumped up action, and jammed in a side plot. Did I enhance the character/scene descriptions? Err, moving on. I learned the following from this first draft:
1) A normal person can write a book. Translation: A person does not need an expert author.
2) If you know the subject, writing a book is easy.
3) Follow your dreams because writing is fun and rewarding.

So, I had a book in hand. Now what? Obviously, I read it. Eww… needs some work. My second lesson should have been: “Writing a lousy book is easy.” So, I spent the next six months self-editing. During this time, I learned:
4) All that junk I added to puff out the pages was useless. Always stick to the central plot.
5) Self-editing is essential; it eats up lots of time, but correcting mistakes is also crucial.
6) I did not think through the story, meaning there were logic holes. They were tough to uncover and fix.
7) I had many writing ticks, like misspelling the same word (homophones).
8) I learned five years later to write down a list of “things to check for.” I wish I had that back then.

Approximately three months into self-editing, I realized my book needed outside help and asked my mother. She became my beta reader, coach, idea springboard, and helper. Together, we worked for four months, and I learned:
9) It is essential to have another opinion. This is in addition to a grammar/writing opinion. I needed a story/plot/character opinion.
10) LISTEN when somebody takes the time to explain your flaws.
11) It is ultra important to think about the reader’s perspective while writing.
12) Treat negative comments like gold. It is so much better to fix big problems before readers see them. I had to create second editions for my first and second books to correct apparent flaws. I can track these flaws back to my mother’s comments.
13) My story development process was fundamentally unsound. (This was later fixed by beginning every book project with an outline.)
14) I did not know what to ask my beta reader to look for. Now, I know my writing/story issues and ask her specifically to inspect these areas.

Yay, I had a book! But I knew my grammar was subpar. So, I sought out an editor. It was simple. I did an internet search and picked one. And quick as a fiddle, the editor returned my work with many suggestions. During this time, I learned:
15) Indeed, my grammar was shockingly poor.
16) Editors are not magic ferries; they can only do so much with flawed work.
17) Because I had only worked with one editor, I felt the edited book was the best possible result.
18) While I was not satisfied, I felt ready to proceed. This was a mistake. I should have self-edited for another two months. Why? Because I was still finding big errors.
19) Overall, I learned I should have done much more work before handing my book to an editor.

I declared my book ready for publishing. Yay! And there was more good news. I had an easy plan for success. I would email copies of my book to hundreds of publishers, and one would buy them. Easy money! A fast two hours revealed:
20) Publishers do not call books “books,” they are manuscripts. What?
21) Publishers do not accept “unrepresented” manuscripts. Meaning they do not have a place on their website to submit books. In fact, they warn you that they will destroy all books sent in the mail. Harsh!
22) Publishers only accept books from book representatives.

A book representative is a person with inside publishing contacts. The idea is you pay them, and they read your book. If they like it, they will take your book to a publisher. I quickly learned:
23) Book representatives charge $2,000++ (non-refundable) to look at your book.
24) They want 10%+ of the profit.
25) They rarely take on new authors.
26) From their websites, they were an arrogant bunch.

I was not about to give some random jerk a dump truck full of money without any guarantee. So, my effort came to a halt. In desperation, I asked my editor if she knew any representatives. She did not but knew somebody who did. This is how I met Bethany, a “self-publishing helper.” Her business takes care of the process between a first draft and getting it self-published.
I called Bethany, and she explained that it was possible to create your own eBook and print-on-demand books, which could be uploaded to Amazon. They would put the files on their site, and their customers would purchase them. She explained this path was more straightforward than traditional publishing. The author had more control, and the chance of success was higher. Before meeting Bethany, I incorrectly thought:
27) Only publishers create eBooks.
28) There was no such thing as print-on-demand.
29) Self-publishing means paying a printer, and you sell the copies.
30) Amazon only deals with big-time authors.

https://www.publishingpartner.com/

So, I paid Bethany to take me under her wing. The process began with her quickly reading my book to assess what I had produced. She pointed out several flaws, and I worked with an editor she recommended. This editor taught me:
31) There are major differences between editors, including style, attitude, approach, interaction skill, and talent.
32) One editor will catch one thing, and the other will not.
33) There is no universal standard for editors to follow, which means that editors will disagree on what to change and how to change it.

This last lesson was a tough pill to swallow. To this day, I have difficulty knowing what to do when an editor, beta reader, copy editor, myself, Grammarly, ProWritingAid, and books like The Chicago Manual of Style disagree. I later learned that editors range from exceptionally talented to deplorable. I am still looking for one. (The second editor I used was exceptional, but she passed away. Bethany recommended two other editors for my following two books, but I was unsatisfied.)
Then Bethany hit me with a whammy. A book description sometimes called the blurb, is what you see next to the book you are about to buy. I incorrectly thought:
34) The book description is a simple summary and easy to write.
35) Amazon takes care of the book description.

I honestly thought Amazon was 100% responsible for this task. I could not have been more wrong. My mother, Bethany, and I spent three agonizing weeks creating something usable. This included printing it on 11x17 and redlining. During this time, I learned:
36) A book description must be an advertisement, a hook, and easy to read.
37) It must not contain the slightest error. Meaning it is a flawless gem!
38) It must have less than 30% of the plot yet describe the overall concept.
39) The hook better be fantastic.
40) This is the hardest part of writing a book.
41) When I read flawed book descriptions, they stand out like searchlights on a moonless night.
42) After publishing, I changed a sentence about every six months.
43) Four years later, I paid a writer specializing in book descriptions to re-write it.
44) I was never satisfied with the result.

Bethany did not like my original title, A Graceful Interview. The logic behind that title was simple: the lead character’s name was Grace, and I love puns. We brainstormed twenty titles and whittled it down to Interviewing Immortality. In that process, I learned:
45) Titles are ultra important.
46) Do use the title of an existing book, movie, song, or other popular thing.
47) Be edgy, but not cute.
48) Be powerful, but not overwhelming.
49) It’s got to make sense.
50) Do not be insulting, but push the boundaries.
51) It is a title. Translation: It better explain the book.

The next part would be easy because I had an ace up my sleeve. I have been doing technical graphic design for years and had a book cover. Bethany laughed at my childish attempt. She knew a professional book cover graphics designer and insisted I do some background research.
The process is all visual learning. Bethany instructed me to study hundreds of random book covers for common elements. Next, I studied hundreds of books in my literature category, books in other categories (to identify the difference), award-winning covers, advice from professional cover designers, and visual sites for inspiration. Then, I studied bad book covers and looked at books with low reviews.
Eventually, I saw the pattern. This includes the type of font, the colors, the image, the intent, the message, the overall goal, the overall look, and how the cover ties into the story.
When Bethany and I were satisfied with the pre-concept work, she sent it to her professional cover designer. He took the basic concept and presented four rough drafts. I liked one and have since received many compliments. Here is what I learned:
52) There is so much more to a book cover than meets the eye.
53) Unless you are a graphic book cover designer, always hire a professional.
54) This is a game of 1%. Meaning that a tiny improvement is a big deal.
55) A book cover is the primary advertisement tool. Meaning, it better be fantastic.
56) Now, I see tasteless book covers everywhere, and I know readers can (subconsciously) spot a lousy cover.

Bethany told me I needed an endorsement. This is when somebody like Oprah Winfrey says, “I read Bill’s recent book and it was excellent!” I am a nobody, and I do not know anybody famous. Paying somebody famous was out of the question, and this became a dead end. The next best thing was to pay for a professional review. There were hundreds of people waiting to accept my money, but I found huge issues:
57) The professional reviewers were nobodies.
58) Their websites looked tacky, and it was clear that the only people who visited these sites were authors looking to have their books reviewed.
59) Readers never go to these sites because each book only gets one review. This is in contrast to a site like Goodreads, where each book gets many reviews.
60) The reviews were poorly written.
61) The authors using these sites were nobodies. You will never see an author like Tom Clancy paying them for reviews. This fact should have told me something.
62) The sites did not guarantee a positive review.
63) Their prices were outrageous.
64) Yeah, I still needed one.

I found a site that only wanted $99. The result was a so-so review. Clearly, the reviewer skimmed the book and altered a canned review because it read like other reviews on their site. I put the best excerpts on the back cover. Later, Bethany transferred the review from their site to Amazon. I learned:
65) Endorsements or professional reviews are not necessary. Save your money for more important things.
66) Other authors disagree with my opinion. They think that having a professional endorsement is the best marketing tool ever.
67) On the second edition, I deleted the endorsement from the back cover.

Now, I only had two steps left. Formatting the book and putting it on Amazon. I learned:
68) It is essential to use a professional eBook/ print-on-demand formatter. There are so many little tricks to getting an eBook to look good on the multiple eBook readers. A professional format is even more critical for print-on-demand. It takes an experienced eye to set it up properly.
69) The first draft of the formatted work had many little issues that needed correcting.
70) It is essential to have somebody with experience in uploading an eBook and print-on-demand book to Amazon. Many little options that must be selected appropriately. They have since made the process easier.
71) When I read the print-on-demand book, I found many apparent errors. Correcting them was expensive. I should have spent two additional months self-editing.

And then it was done! I released my first book. What was that like?
72) I felt fantastic. I was a published author!
73) My friends congratulated me.
74) My parents were overjoyed.

How were sales? Except for my mother, ZERO!!!! This taught me:
75) A big letdown followed my quick high.
76) I thought Amazon would have done much better promoting my work. In fact, I learned that Amazon puts ZERO effort into attracting readers of new books.
77) I incorrectly thought that a large class of readers would seek out new creations.
78) My biggest mistake was that a good book would market itself. Yes, I was a bonehead.

To increase my sales, I signed up for Amazon’s KDP Select. From the information on the Amazon website, there were three huge benefits. The first is better ranking, meaning that they promote your book. Second, Amazon Prime members can download your book for free, meaning you get a lot more sales. Third, you can offer promotions like giving your book away for free (to all readers) to generate buzz. This will lead to many positive reviews! I leaned:
79) Better ranking? Yeah, right.
80) Only eight people downloaded my book, and I did not get a single review.
81) Authors cannot put their books on other platforms as part of the KDP Select agreement.
82) Amazon often checks other sites for your eBook. They will permanently kick you off their platform. To continue selling on Amazon, you must start with a new identity, book title, and pen name.
83) KDP Select has nothing to do with print-on-demand.
84) You must sign up for six months.

But there’s more! When you opt out of KDP Select, you are out. Right? When the six-month period was over, I opted out, but I was secretly still in. I found this by going on to my wife’s Amazon Prime account and saw my book available for free. I emailed Amazon, and they told me about an obscure second website’s location to commit to being unsubscribed from KDP Select. I did this, waited a week, and my book was still free on Amazon Prime. I then went on the Amazon help site, and after an hour, they did internal stuff and confirmed I was off. I checked the next day and was off. To be sure, I waited a week, and, of course, it was back on. It took over a month to be 100% certain I was off. To be sure, I asked them to email me a letter stating I was indeed off and that there would be no penalty if I popped back on. Jerks!
When I published my second book, KDP select was default selected. When I uploaded my third book, it was selected, but in a hidden area. This shady practice should tell you something: Avoid KDP Select!

Because of the dismal sales, I entered a new phase: self-promotion. It began with begging my friends to post reviews. I do not like pestering people, and this task was difficult. Here is what I learned:
85) I had only three friends willing to write reviews.
86) Positive Amazon reviews are critical.
87) Do your absolute best to avoid negative Amazon reviews.

I then began contacting authors and asked them to exchange reviews. I learned a lot:
88) Not all authors consider review exchanges ethical. Yet, I find these upstanding authors are blind to the reality of modern publishing. The world is not ideal, and you must hustle to get ahead. That’s life!
89) During my exchanges, I met several great authors and became pen pals with two.
90) Several authors gave me writing tips and pointed out critical flaws. I learned many valuable lessons.
91) Most authors willing to participate in this effort are new to publishing. Their books range from dreadful to fantastic.
92) All big-time authors have no interest in review exchanges.
93) It is essential to go into a review with the attitude of looking for the best parts of their book and pumping them up. You cannot have the attitude of “If it is a bad book, I will write a bad review.” Why? Bad reviews only lead to problems.
94) There are professional sites that offer review exchanges. I have strong words of advice:
a. Some exchange authors have unrealistic expectations and demand lengthy reviews of their worthless books.
b. Not all authors are aware of what they have created. I encountered one that had a ghostwriter do the entire thing, and the “author” was stunned by my basic review. I do not think he read the first chapter.
c. Most new authors do not have good techniques.
d. EXPECT a lot of AI-written junk. This is the new reality of books. Learn to love it:(
e. Only agree to an exchange for a book with at least 20 reviews. By then, an author should know their book is a stinker.
f. The administrators of these sites are idiots.
g. The “help desk” employees think “customer service” is a four-letter word.
h. Amazon will eventually find these professional exchange sites and shut them down. I have no idea what punishment they will inflict on authors.

The next phase of my self-promotion process was to create a website. Many great website hosting companies have online free website building programs—for example, GoDaddy. Of course, I chose not to use a free online website builder. Why? I am old school and wanted to make a site on my computer that I could endlessly edit offline. My other motivation was that if the hosting company did not work out (like upping their cost), I could move my website, which I worked on for thousands of hours, to any web hosting company. Yes, I am a control freak.
So, my quest began. My first stop was buying the latest gold standard for website development, Microsoft Front Page. To my utter shock, it is no longer supported. What the heck? Well, there is still the silver standard Corel website creator. Wow, it has become awful. So, I went through every program, including Adobe, Google… Pure junk. (How do big companies make their sites? All these years later, I still do not know.)
Fortuitously, I found a free program called Rocketcake (and then paid for the professional version). It was easy to use, fast, and produced excellent results. The downside is the lack of power. (It did not support splashy features. Only basic website stuff.) But there was an exciting upside. It generates efficient webpages that display lightning fast.
There was another benefit to Rocketcake that no other online website builder had. It (accurately) showed how my website looked on mobile devices. I then tweaked my pages to display on all platforms correctly. GoDaddy and other online-generated web pages look awful on small devices. (I have not checked recently, but I see many pages that do not work well on my phone.) Do people browse on their phones? Hmm. Perhaps there was some logic to my decision.
Then, I needed a hosting company and found WHP. Incidentally, WHP is the least expensive, and their service is decent. Coincidence? I might have been onto something.
https://www.webhostingpad.com/
https://www.ambiera.com/rocketcake/

Creating a website taught me:
95) An author needs to have a dedicated website. This is the central hub of your marketing empire.
96) Keep the site current, and post often.
97) Using a canned solution like GoDaddy locks your hard work into their platform for life.

My next marketing phase was writing articles (blogs) and posting them on multiple sites. Here is what I learned:
98) Writing articles sharpens writing and generates ideas.
99) It is a good creative outlet that brings back the joy of writing.
100) I explore various ideas and have learned a lot, especially about myself.
101) You must write articles with a long-haul mindset. The effort will be successful, but success is a long way off.
102) Articles generate contacts and expand marketing.
103) Find every possible site that will accept your post.

I tried to locate book promotion sites and learned:
104) There are several free book-promoting sites. Make sure you create a separate email account for this effort, like Yahoo mail, because this email address will get lots of spam. I have found the free sites to be marginally successful.
105) There are hundreds of paid book-promoting sites. Tread hyper carefully!
a. At their core, they are spam generators. I do not want people getting spammed by my books.
b. They never define Return On Investment. This means that if I spend $X, they promise $Y sales based on Z prior marketing campaigns.
c. They never show proof of what they claim to do. “I tweeted to 10,000 people!” Who? When? Do you have an electronic log of your posts? Are these people even people?
d. They often use big concept words like “branding” and get quiet when you ask about real marketing terms like Return On Investment.
e. In my discussions with other authors, they unsuccessfully tried a few of these sites.
f. They make shady claims. “We adjust the Amazon algorithm to make your book appear first.” So, they hacked Amazon? Umm…
g. They often want to be paid to redo what you already did. Like having their “professional editors” update your work. You know my book has issues without looking at it? Umm…
h. There is a business here, but I have yet to figure out an angle to start one. Perhaps it has something to do with YouTube influencers.

This is what I should have done:
106) My biggest lesson was to begin all book projects with a thoroughly vetted outline. Then show it to somebody. This is a six-month process for me.
107) I would have put more effort into writing with the reader in mind. My original goal was to write a story “I wanted to read.” The result did not challenge the reader.
108) I should have done more research into publishing and marketing.

A common question is: “How did you find your voice?” From a young age, I knew how to write a story. My first and subsequent books only refined my story-telling ability. So, this does not get a number because there was no lesson.

This is what I did right:
109) I took the leap. Meaning that I set a goal and achieved it.
110) At every step, I applied maximum effort.
111) I did not compromise quality. Granted, my first edition had many glaring issues.
112) Besides adding extra junk to make my book longer, I stayed true to my original story. This choice validated my accomplishment.
113) Even after all these years, I still like my story. So, indeed, I created something special. Well, at least to me.

This is how my first book changed me:
114) My grammar, spelling, and writing have dramatically improved.
115) I now can spot flaws in other works from a mile away. This is not necessarily a good thing. I recently put down a book because the writing was terrible. The content was excellent.
116) Movies and books have become less enjoyable because I get too deep into analyzing the plot and characters.
117) I sometimes look at people as if they were characters. Yes, this is creepy. Don’t tell anybody!

Bonus:
118) Alright, I must admit this. When I spot a big mistake in other people’s work that I know how to fix, it gives me a rush.

It has been quite a journey, but should I have gone down this road? Some dreary days, like when I get a bad review, the answer is no, but the rest are a resounding yes.

You’re the best -Bill
December 04, 2024

Are Today’s Writers Spoiled?

My father was a hard-core author who published from the mid-70s through the 2000s. He began with an IBM Selectric II typewriter and sought out the only publisher, McMillan, willing to take on a ceramic textbook. Later, he used this same typewriter to typeset and self-publish his books, which were sold mail order from our garage.
Today, publishing is quite different. A person can use a free online word processor like Google Docs to write a book, convert it to an eBook, or print on-demand book and publish it online where millions of people can download it.
And the tools we have? Word, Front Page, Excel, Visio, Grammarly, Photoshop, ProWritingAid and Hemmingway. There are even AI-powered resources like ChatGPT. Plus, the internet is a research powerhouse that can fact-check, locate information, find existing works, locate publishing resources, correct flaws, and inspire ideas. Well, I guess that is it. Anybody can publish a book without any effort and make millions of dollars. Umm, no.
Take the topic of Nelson Mandela. With a few minutes of internet research, ALL the essential facts about this amazing man are available. Are they accurate? Multiple sources can easily confirm the vital facts. What can be done with this verified information? Write a book, report, article, educational pamphlet, children’s book, or fantasy story with Nelson as a character or a parody based on researched facts.
For example, an author could use Google Docs to write a time travel story where the main character meets Nelson Mandela. Then, check it with Grammarly, import a table from Excel, and use free online tools to place their book on Amazon. Heck, the cover design could be done by the AI image generator SDXL. The resulting book would be wholly fact-checked, grammar-checked, and properly formatted with excellent cover art. The apex of the spoiled author is to use an AI program like ChatGPT to write the entire book. Truly remarkable.
All true, but there is a problem my father never faced. Readers have a thousand time travel books to choose from or can download a free time travel story from many sites. Do you like horses? “Hey, ChatGPT. Write a time travel story with Nelson Mandela riding horses.” Done!
This wide variety makes it nearly impossible for an author to get a potential reader’s attention. I did an Amazon search for “Nelson Mandela books,” and 409 results appeared. Poetry book? 80,000 results. Religion book? 100,000 results. Harry Potter book? 4,000 results. Side note: When I did this search, I found “Welcome to Hogwarts (LEGO Harry Potter).” Lego publishes books? I do not even know what to say…
It gets worse. A nobody reader can leave a scathing review that stays public until the last hard drive in the universe stops spinning. And oops. The server crashed, and your Google Docs book got deleted. Plagiarism? It is now easier than copying files off a floppy disk.
Alright, I’m getting lazy. “Hey ChatGPT. List the problems facing modern authors.”

1. Oversaturation of the Market: With the rise of self-publishing and digital platforms, more books are being published than ever, making it harder for authors to stand out.
Discoverability: Competing for attention in a crowded marketplace requires significant effort in marketing and branding.
2. Financial Instability
Low Royalties: Traditional publishing contracts often offer modest royalties, and self-published authors may struggle to make consistent sales.
Pressure to Write Quickly: Authors may feel pushed to produce content rapidly to keep up with market demand, which can lead to burnout.
3. Marketing and Promotion
Lack of Support: Many authors, especially in the self-publishing world, must handle their marketing and promotion, which requires time, money, and expertise.
Social Media Pressure: Authors are often expected to maintain a solid social media presence to engage readers, which can be overwhelming and detract from writing time.
4. Changing Reader Habits
Shorter Attention Spans: With the dominance of digital content and streaming services, some readers may have shorter attention spans, impacting interest in lengthy works.
EBook vs. Print: The shift to eBooks and audiobooks changes how books are consumed, and some authors struggle to adapt.
5. Technological Disruption
AI and Automation: Tools that generate content, like AI-written texts, are emerging, potentially altering how stories are created and valued.
Piracy: Digital piracy remains a significant concern, with unauthorized copies of books cutting into authors’ earnings.
6. Diversity and Representation
Gatekeeping: Some authors face barriers related to race, gender, or identity when trying to break into traditional publishing.
Pressure to Represent: Authors from marginalized backgrounds may feel obligated to focus on specific narratives, limiting creative freedom.
7. Creative Challenges
Writer’s Block: Pressure to produce can exacerbate creative blocks.
Balancing Art and Commerce: Authors may struggle to balance writing what they are passionate about with what sells.
8. Mental Health Concerns
Isolation: Writing can be a solitary profession, leading to feelings of loneliness or disconnection.
Public Criticism: Negative reviews, online trolls, and cancel culture can affect an author’s mental health.
9. Industry Gatekeeping
Traditional Publishing Barriers: Many authors face rejections or long waits for decisions from conventional publishers.
Focus on Trends: Publishers may prioritize trendy genres or themes, making it harder for unique or unconventional stories to find a home.
10. Sustainability
Environmental Impact: Authors may grapple with the ethics of traditional publishing’s reliance on paper and physical distribution.
Cultural Shifts: Trends and norms evolve quickly, requiring authors to adapt their writing styles and themes to remain relevant.

Today, authors face many challenges my father could not have imagined in the seventies. When he started, there were only TWO ceramics textbooks. I searched Amazon for “ceramics textbook,” and 242 books appeared. This number is incorrect because my father amassed over 500 hardcover ceramics textbooks during his writing effort.
And the quality of the modern ceramic textbook? Nearly every new ceramic textbook, potter’s manual, glaze recipe cookbook, reference book, or guide has my father’s books in the appendix or bibliography. So, I know they must be good.
My father faced many technical and economic challenges that today’s authors can only read about in history books. Instead, our challenges are the extreme competition, cut-throat marketing, developing new ideas, and utilizing new technology. So, today’s authors have many tools at their fingertips that my father could only dream about, but we face sophisticated modern readers and mountains of existing work. We certainly are not spoiled, but neither was my father.

You’re the best -Bill
November 27, 2024

The Smart Rat

A close friend has found herself in a challenging situation. She’s bright, a hard worker, and a tremendous asset to her company. In fact, her efforts have improved multiple projects, and the managers have promoted her. Wonderful! Right? Well, no.
Her job is frustrating because the company is large, meaning there is endless. Well, have no fear. The owners hired an outside vice president to fix all the problems. When it came time to update her department, she was put in charge of several projects. The result is more work and responsibility without authority. To make matters worse, her manager is spineless and takes on every project without pushback. Now, she is swamped with work; the projects are slower, and she is getting more blame.
It gets worse. Her main project is writing a government proposal. Like all such projects, the government has strict procedures, and if they are done per their guidelines and the questions are thoroughly answered, then the proposal might get accepted. The VP wants to skip the first step (safety) to save time. Is the government going to allow that? Of course not.
There is an even bigger problem. Three other companies have approved excellent solutions, but their proposed solution will be less than 30% effective. Why on earth is the company going in this direction? It is a big market, and the owners only see dollar signs. The result is that she is working like crazy on something that will never be approved or used. I see the frustration in her eyes every time we talk.
What is she going to do about it? Because the company is huge, correcting the multiple issues across all departments will take a gigantic effort, and the VP shows no signs of heading in that direction. This leaves one viable solution for my friend. Find a new job.
This woman has had several interviews, and I anticipate that next week, she will turn in her resignation. Will the managers be surprised? Of course, but her coworkers will not because they are looking, too. I have seen this pattern many times. Great coworkers see problems, get frustrated, and leave. There is an old saying, “The smart rats leave the sinking ship first,” which perfectly explains what is happening to my friend.
What is going on? One can view society and companies like waves gently rolling in the sea. Sure, there are storms, but usually, they gently roll by. Something to be ignored. The key is watching the waves and ensuring your ship is positioned to capture their energy. What is a wave? It is anything substantial that can be considered good or bad.
Take the computer and the cashier. Let’s pretend it is the early ‘80s. For a cashier to do their job effectively, they spend years learning prices and how to operate a mechanical cash register—completing a refund? Wow, learning how to do it effectively is a big part of the job.
Then, a big wave approaches. A company invented a cash register that has a computer inside. This technology has a price database and a barcode scanner. Suddenly, the cashier sees the future. All their skills are meaningless. The smart cashier sees two options: Learn how to use a computerized cash register or take their career in a new direction. The oblivious cashier did not see the big wave, and a few months later, the owner bought computerized cash registers. Now, the oblivious cashier is out of a job.
This pattern is all over modern society. We desire the latest entertainment, a time-saving kitchen gadget, look for a shorter route to work, avoid an unpleasant situation, ignore a problem, or do something stupid when we know better. The trick is to see the big picture and make the best decisions for the long term. This means paying attention to innovations and taking advantage of the situation, technology, or windfall.
As always, I try to tie concepts into writing. In this case, the smart rat. This character type would be wise, make good decisions, see the trends, avoid unpleasantness, and do their best to lead a happy life. Err, I’m describing a lazy know-it-all. Yeah…
Take the situation my friend is in. No reader wants depressing work descriptions. How about some conflict? Tell that VP to shove it! And the cashier? Why spend pages lamenting about learning how to use a computerized device? It’s easy. Move on!
My point is that an author must be careful when creating characters that mimic real-life situations. Readers like typical characters who live exciting lives. They dislike tedious situations, apparent solutions to big problems, and characters who seem to think they know everything. Yet, this is precisely what people must do to remain ahead. Be the smart rat. It is interesting when life mirrors art, but even more fascinating when the opposite is true.

You’re the best -Bill
November 20, 2024

The Phantom Edit

It was May 1999, and so much was going on. We were about to have the New Year’s Eve party of the century, and the wait was over. Yes, George Lucas released A FOURTH Star Wars movie, the Phantom Menace. Finally!!!
I was working at a medical device company at the time, and I ducked out to watch the movie a week after it opened. How was this astounding creation? Plain awful. Really? George Lucas is a talented filmmaker with credits, awards, and accomplishments significant enough to fill a warehouse. It’s all true, but those accolades did not save the movie.
Why? I mean, the film had everything. Fantastic graphics, Skywalker sound, endless budgets, big-name actors, and the best director/screenwriters ever. This creation comfortably rested on the foundation of cinema’s most astounding science fiction creation. All true, but the premise, plot, characters, and film direction were lacking.
The drive back to work was depressing. Plus, I was out five bucks (it was a manatee). Well, that’s that. I watched a bad movie and nothing can be done. Except there was. One person decided to fix the problems. Mike J. Nichols is a professional Hollywood film editor who edited a VHS copy of The Phantom Menace. His effort included trimming/rearranging scenes, changing dialog, adding the deleted scenes, and limiting exposition.
The result he titled The Phantom Edit nearly eliminated the worst part of the film, the notorious Jar Jar character. The resulting edit had a snappier pace, the plot made sense, and most importantly, the edit was in line with the prior Star Wars movies. And the fans/critics agreed that Mike had rescued a good story from an awful film.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Pha...
This was the first fan edit that was widely shared over the internet. Star Wars geeks like me spent hours downloading this creation because the internet was slow then, but the movie studio and George Lucas reacted differently. They were furious and used every conceivable resource to bury this fan edit, but their efforts had an unintended outcome called the Streisand Effect. Then is when somebody complains about their obscure issue, and the resulting publicity aggravates their problem. In this case, more people downloaded it.
But that was kind of it. This fan edit was a tiny bump in cinema history that is nearly forgotten. However, this effort inspired many people to do their own fan edits of popular films. La La Land without the singing? Jaws in reverse, where the shark saves the beach? A Star Wars/Pulp Fiction mix? How about a heavy-metal Star Wars holiday special? A decent version of Howard the Duck? A happy version of Twelve Angry Men? You can get it all here:
https://fanedit.org/
Fan edits generally fall into two categories. The first corrects flaws by deleting unnecessary material or adding back the deleted scenes. The second is when editors create something new. I wish I had sat in the movie theater to see a fun fifteen-minute version of The Thin Red Line. That’s two dreary hours I am not going to get back.
What does this have to do with me? I have never heard of a fan editing a popular book, so that should not be a problem. But I admit it. I spend hours daydreaming about one of my stories, making it to the big screen. Would there be a fan edit?
Somebody could limit my character backgrounds. A comedy version might be interesting. What about a reorganized timeline? Eliminating characters? Removing the romance? Turning a drama into an action story? Changing the villain into a hero? An X-rated version? A disco version? How about a Star Wars mash-up? I guess that could work.
Would I be upset if a fan edited my book? I think it is important for an author to understand what it means to publish. Once something is out there, it is out there, meaning that plagiarism, editing, free distribution, or a complete re-imagination is all possible. This means that people will do what they want; a creator should expect this reaction and I should say, “I am honored that you cared enough to spend time reimagining my work.” Yeah, no. I am firmly in the George Lucas camp. “Hey! I spent a huge part of my life creating my books. Leave them alone!”

You’re the best -Bill
November 13, 2024

This Is Working

I wrote my first article on September 10, 2017, to get the word out about my books. Why? Sales. Since that first one, my goal expanded to include budget therapy, a creative outlet, a whiteboard of ideas, and an exercise space to improve my writing.
What did I get out of it? I have met (online) many people, had lots of fun, significantly widened my writing scope, learned a lot about myself, and solved a few problems. However, the core goal of sales remains. “Hey, if you like this article, please consider buying one of my books.”
How are my book sales? Umm, not well. Last year, I sold 61 books, which is nowhere near profitability. How many sales came out of writing articles? I had no idea. Until now! I just read a review of Interviewing Immortality, “I enjoyed Bill’s blogs and purchased one of his books.” Insert Rockey theme music!!! This is working!!!
Now that there is a data point, it is possible to evaluate the marketing effectiveness of writing articles by looking at the Return On Investment (ROI). I have written 344 articles since 2017, and each article requires about 2.7 hours, which is 140 hours per year. Using ROI math, I traded 344 articles or 825 hours for one sale. My ROI is, umm, dismal. What did I expect?
I knew from the beginning that marketing a book is challenging, especially with a limited budget. Other authors pay for advertisements, endorsements, influencers to promote their works, and Amazon to up the ranking. Why not join this bandwagon? It is a waste until I have a book series with many reviews. In the meantime, my budget is for editing, formatting, and using tools like Grammarly.
Is writing articles worth continuing? From an ROI analysis perspective, no. Yet, that is not where my thought process is. A good ROI would be vital if I paid a ghostwriter to write these articles, but I am doing it myself. Instead, I think of my article writing effort from the reader’s perspective. Presently, I have published four books, but they are from three different series. “Hey, potential reader. Buy my first book and wait two years for the second and the third in four years.” That is a hard sell.
Thus, my effort is intended to generate limited buzz and have some fun. When I have a published trilogy with good reviews, then I will pay for professional marketing. Still, having one of my article readers buy my book boosted my ego. I claim victory! To that individual, thanks!!!

You’re the best -Bill
November 06, 2024

The Corn Syrup Droughts

There is so much conflict, but it is not supposed to be this way. After all, we set up the United Nations and the Geneva Conventions with dedicated leaders who were charged with mitigating conflict, promoting peace, saving humanity, and ensuring prosperity. Plus, the internet is an astounding invention that brings everybody together. There should be no reason for the present devastation. Yet, some people were not surprised, and they even predicted these horrific conflicts.
These predictors go by many names: futurists, fortune tellers, fiction writers, palm readers, prophets, psychics, gamblers, oddsmakers, investors, estimators, or spiritualists. How do they make such predictions? They use past and present knowledge to understand what might happen. Their results depend on individual skill, luck, and the topic they are estimating. For example, I have a friend whose only income is horse betting. So, indeed, he accurately predicts the future well enough to make a living.
The topic I wanted to discuss came from watching the beginning of the movie Ready Player One. The plot is set in a dystopian future where everybody uses The Oasis, an interactive three-dimensional space where anything is possible. The dystopian aspect comes from the predicted reality that such technologies make everybody poor.
The line stuck in my bonkers mind is: “After the corn syrup droughts, after the bandwidth riots.” This was the event that the screenwriter/author invented to set up a dystopian future. This means that corn syrup ran out at some point, which caused great hardship. Why this particular event?
Authors and screenwriters develop crazy ideas to show a fantastic, average, or dismal future. In the sixties television show The Jetsons, the father has a flying car. In The Terminator, the world has become a battlefield against intelligent robots. So, a corn syrup drought does not seem like a big stretch. Yet, it is a prediction, meaning that corn syrup could be in short supply in the distant future. If this occurs, the plot of Ready Player One is possible.
Well, what if it did? The year is 2030 (six years away), and suddenly, bam! No corn syrup. This means we cannot buy candy, pies, soda, or jam. Umm, that does not seem like a big problem. A nuclear war seems like a better starting point for a dystopian plot.
So, why this particular event? I guess the author/screenwriter wanted us to think, “Hmm, that’s amusing and in line with this kind of plot.” Not too serious, like The Terminator, and not too funny, like The Jetsons. Right in the middle of the entertainment spectrum.
How likely is a corn syrup drought to occur? I would answer low, but anything is possible. Yet, that is not quite why the line stuck in my bonkers mind. Big surprise! I am noodling a plot for an upcoming book set 100 years from now. It is a dystopian romance between a robot and a human. My concept is that the economy is in ruins, and people blame robots. How do I set this up?
My first step was taking a high-level view of existing works, including the movie Ready Player One. I got the idea of adapting this line to inspire my plot. “After the fall of Chuck E. Cheese.” Quirky, funny, but not romantic. “After the great election crisis of 2112.” Getting there. “After the last embers of humanity had fallen.” Ooo, wrong direction. “After the last person posted a YouTube video.” Good, keep going. “When robots were finally able to join the union.” A little off, but getting there. “Remember when having a billion dollars meant something?” Closer. Try combing with that YouTube angle. “When YouTube stopped paying their creators and started paying robots.”
This kind of abstract thinking is precisely what the author/screenwriter did when they created that line. It embodies the perfect balance between reality and silliness.
What does it all mean? I have developed a quirky plot development tool. Is this something that you could use? That is about as unlikely as a corn syrup drought leading to a dystopian future with an alternate reality three-dimensional computer living space.
I wrote this article to get myself thinking in the right mindset and bring you along for the ride. Not all topics and techniques for getting ideas must be serious, but keeping our minds open to new ideas, possibilities, and viewpoints is essential. This is how we evolve, grow, learn, overcome obstacles, and tolerate issues. My real goal is to end this with “made you think!”

You’re the best -Bill
October 30, 2024

“I Don’t Believe What I Write”

For those unfamiliar with Jeremy Clarkson, he is an outspoken, brash, offensive, and controversial man with so many health problems that he should have been dead ten years before he was born. He is also responsible for Top Gear, one of the world’s highest-rated television shows. Plus, a newspaper columnist, author of several books, and now hosts the Amazon Prime show Clarkson’s Farm.
Over the years, Jeremy got into trouble by striking a producer and commenting negatively about the royal family. This resulted in his termination from the show Top Gear and The Grand Tour. Yet, his brash mind has also provided many words of wisdom:
Ambition is a very dangerous thing because either you achieve it and your life ends prematurely, or you don’t, in which case your life is a constant source of disappointment. You must never have ambition.
I don’t think I am particularly funny. In fact, I know I’m not.
Speed has never killed anyone. Suddenly becoming stationary, that’s what gets you.
I’ve said it before and I’m going to say it here again, now. Nothing brilliant has ever resulted from a meeting.
Flirting is the oil that lubricates the engine of ingenuity and wit.
We waste an enormous amount of time making decisions based entirely on this fanciful notion that we like alternatives.
The rules of war, then, have always changed as a reaction to the conflict that’s just been fought.
A book needs more than beautiful sentence construction, a left-wing take and wry observation. It needs, more than anything else, a story.
The problem is that social media, which is seen as the pulse of the nation, is actually nothing of the sort. It’s the pulse of the young and the idealistic.
The faster you go, the more time slows down. This is a scientific fact. I spend my life driving quickly, which is why I have a 1970s haircut.

I wanted to discuss this quote: “I don’t believe what I write, any more than you believe what you say (about the Iraq war).” It is from a discussion with Alastair Campbell, a British writer, campaigner, and strategist. He served as the Prime Minister’s official spokesperson from 1997 to 2000.
It is important to remember that Jeremy earns an income by making pompous statements intended to be offensive so that the viewers/readers find them entertaining. To do so, the quote confirms that he does not necessarily believe his own words.
Our society thrives on shock because it creates discussion, change, and problem awareness. For example, the group PETA uses pictures and protests with scantily clad celebrities to promote their cause. Their goal is that the people seeing these erotic scenes are shocked into thinking, “Wow, I should not eat meat.”
Jeremy’s quote points out the flaw in shock value. Taking the prior PETA example, do these famous people walk around in their revealing outfits all day long to promote the PETA cause? No? Yet, they still (occasionally) pose for the pictures, just as Jeremy makes occasional bold statements.
My writing is at the other end of the spectrum. I am morally obligated to write what I believe in, which means not having shock value. Yet, there is a significant inconsistency with my factious stories. For example, I have an immortal female character. Living forever breaks medical principles, making this character impossible. So, how do I believe my fictitious words? I must take a leap of faith.
At the beginning of every book, I clearly state that my book is fictional. From that point forward, I am free to passionately write a story that does not follow a truthful narrative. Yet, this is not precisely the point Jeremy was making. Take this article. I researched the topic and worked hard to convey my thoughts accurately. Still, it is an opinion.
What if I did add some shock, just like Jeremy? Readers would probably enjoy a little spice. The answer is that Jeremy’s personality is far different from my own. I welcome readers to enjoy my words and would feel bad if I offended them. This leaves lots of room for shock creators like Jeremy to occupy that space.
I conclude that Jeremy’s simple statement embodies what it means to be a shock creator. For them, lying is not a big deal. However, to maintain sanity, such people must not believe in the lie. It’s called entertainment for a reason.

You’re the best -Bill
October 23, 2024

One For the Road

I graduated from college in 1993 and moved to Orange County, California. Why? My two best friends were moving there to get hot jobs, and I wanted to do the same. It turns out that the job market was terrible, so I took a minimum wage job at a copy shop. The lack of money was problematic, but we saved up for Friday nights. Typically, we went to a movie or had an inexpensive meal—lots of driving around to see what was out there. I have so many good memories of those budget-stretched nights.
A year later, I had to move home, and my college friends moved back to their home state of Massachusetts. I eventually got an engineering job that started me off on the path to adulthood. Yet, one tradition remained from that time. Going out with friends on Friday nights.
Because I moved home, I reunited with my high school buddies. Since we were all employed, we could afford to go to good restaurants and bars. Our evenings concluded at my friend Ray’s, where we talked about life, work, girls, computers, technology, world events, and cars.
Around 20 years ago, my friend Ray moved to an apartment in Mira Mesa because it was close to his work. Two traditions formed at this time. The first was that Ray usually grilled something yummy for dinner, and then we watched something online. Wait. What is that?
Why it’s the latest thing. You need a high-speed internet connection. One MEGABIT minimum. You can search for videos and download them to a USB stick. Getting one video at this high speed only takes about an hour.
What strange things are available to download? Whatever you like. They even have full-length movies!
Watching stuff from the internet became the highlight of our week, and Ray became a master at finding unique material. It was at this time that he located our jam. The year was 2002, and the show was called Top Gear. It was a car program hosted by three very different guys, and they joked around while discussing and driving cars.
Every Friday night, we had to watch at least three episodes. Had we seen them before? Sure, but it did not matter because we could watch the same show a hundred times. But why was the show so special?
I have been trying to answer this question since I watched the first episode. My best answer is that the three hosts have great chemistry, the producers went far out of their way to provide interesting material, and the subject of cars is always appealing.
The Top Gear program ran until 2015 due to a blow-up with one host and a producer. (Note: The BBC tired new hosts without success and canceled the show in 2023.) In 2016, the three original hosts started a new show called The Grand Tour. It had a similar format, and in many ways, was better. Yet, after a solid first season, we began watching less and less Grand Tour. The hosts were getting older, and the magic was fading. “Been there, done that.”
We still get together every Friday night, but things are changing. Where to begin? How about the group’s parents? First, Tim’s father passed away, then Ray’s mother, followed by Susan’s father. My father has Parkinson’s, Ray’s father’s heart is not doing well, both my mother and mother-in-law had a significant fall with broken bones, and my father-in-law has substantial medical issues.
Ray is the nexus of our group. Six years ago, he stopped controlling his diabetes, which damaged his eyes, toes, and liver. He has started managing it, but the damage cannot be reversed. Ray used to be so dynamic and vibrant. Now, he is quiet and routinely discusses dying. I fear writing an article titled “Ray.” While there will be a lot of material, the article will be challenging to write.
As for me, I have been out of a job for way too long, and my minor health issues are no longer minor. The good news is we have a fantastic daughter who is healthy and happy, but there is a problem. She left for college two weeks ago, leaving a hole in our lives. Our house feels like a place with three light bulbs, one of which has burned out. There are shadows of her everywhere, and it is so quiet.
A recent event highlighted this life change. On September 12, 2024. The Grand Tour had its final episode titled “One For the Road.” It lacked drama, fun, and action.
I had to stop the video several times to walk around because I did not want to see the ending. And then it ended. Now, I have no desire to see any reruns or learn what the hosts are up to because doing so would be too painful.
Why am I so sad? After all, I have experienced the ending of many beloved television shows. Plus, I read cherished books with a final chapter. None of these left me so mopey. The answer is that nothing will ever replace that joyous moment in my life, and this mirrors our Friday nights. Now, we talk about getting older, health problems, and how bad politics have become. Fridays went from the highlight of my week to a depressing meeting where we cheered each other up.
Writing this article sparked a memory. My parents used to have big parties with all their friends. It was the ‘70s, and they did all kinds of crazy stuff. Now, they sit around and deal with medical issues. That is going to be me very soon. The last Grand Tour episode brought this into focus. My social life is finite, and the end is fast approaching.
Well, I am going to end this article with a final bummer. I enjoy the Paramount Plus show Lower Decks. It is an animated series set in the Star Trek Universe, and the writing is fantastic. Due to botched lower ratings, the streaming service canceled the show, and they are airing the final ten episodes on October 24.
I should be grateful because there have been far too many abruptly ended book series and television shows. Hopefully, I will get some answers about the Lower Decks characters.
Enough! I am getting out of this negative funk by writing, editing, and creating new plots. That way, my fans will get a proper ending.

You’re the best -Bill
October 16, 2024

Evil Richard

I got my first summer job at 20 when I worked at Kinkos. They are a copy center and big surprise; I made copies. After college, I could not get a job because of the horrible 1994 economy, so I worked at Kinkos again. Not a great time.
One day, a person randomly came in wanting, big surprise, copies. It was company policy not to look at customer’s work, but everybody did it, leading to my first job. It was a tiny place, but I had a blast because there were no other engineers, and I could do things however I wanted.
The owner died, and the company folded. Major bummer. So, I tried to start my own business, which ended in disaster, but I learned a lot.
A year later, I took a job at a medical device company. This business was huge with procedures, documentation processes, production, and many employees. I had engineering coworkers, meetings, and had to follow established rules for the first time—quite an adjustment and learning curve.
Our group had about ten engineers, and we were coupled with documentation, which had five people. While a little dysfunctional, everybody got along, and the company made respectable products. I learned a lot quickly in those early years, especially people skills.
Like all big companies, there were hard workers, slackers, brilliant innovators, introverts, hard-headed opinionators, saboteurs, backstabbers, coaches, sounding boards, helpers, underminers, mentors, boneheads, leaders, followers, offenders, jokers, and those to avoid at all costs.
If you were to categorize me at that time, I was a smart, bratty, undisciplined kid who did good work. A big part of my personality was and continues to be pride, meaning that I had difficulty listening to criticism, suggestions, and following the rules. I was not a bad coworker, but I certainly needed improvement.
I could write at least one article about every one of my coworkers at the time, but I wanted to focus on one. His name was Richard, and he was a fellow electrical engineer. At that time, I was 25, and he was in his late 40s. At first, we went out to lunch together and enjoyed talking about engineering, the company, women, life, and the news.
Richard was a real “man’s man.” Bold, arrogant, confident, overcompensating, and thought he had a dashing look. He loved sexist jokes and would often comment, “I’ll put a man on it. Ha, ha, ha.” Physically, he needed to lose 30 pounds but otherwise dressed well.
Richard’s expertise was in power supply design. And I admit he indeed cobbled together some knowledge. His designs mostly worked, but they were sloppy. And I will admit to something else. I learned a lot from Richard.
He helped me out many times with power supplies, especially one called a CUC converter. I also learned a lot about life, especially female coworkers. The biggest lesson was what not to do by observing him. Richard was a tank blinding driving into a minefield when it came to coworkers. He would talk to them, learn what they were about, and then tell us what not to say. Secretly, I wish every company had a person like him because it would save trips to the HR office for ordinary people like me who accidentally offend coworkers.
About eight months into my employment, things began changing. Richard became distant and started blaming me for his problems. His work had never been great, but this new wrinkle forced me into a bad situation during group projects. I openly criticized his work and requested he not be on my projects. My behavior did not go over well with my boss, but I had to maintain my sanity.
I can trace the change to when Richard began dating a woman who worked in the production department. Like him, she was a larger-than-life person with a forward personality. It was widely known that she had substance problems, and Richard followed her down that path.
Around that time, I had a friend named Garry and another friend with the same name. To distinguish them, my friend Ray named one Evil Garry and the other “less than Evil Gary.” Because we had two Richards at work, I began calling one Good Richard while privately calling the other Evil Richard. We all had a good laugh during meetings when he was not present.
Richard’s life rapidly spiraled, and a coworker witnessed him snorting lines of cocaine on his desk. He smelled strongly of booze every day, and it was common to see him drinking in his car before/during/after work. We all saw empty 750ml Jack Daniels bottles scattered around the parking lot.
About six months into the devastation, a considerable problem occurred. The company changed from using its internally developed power supply to an outside vendor. Richard oversaw the selection process, and the rumor was that the saleswoman of the winning design had a relationship with Richard. (At this point, he broke off the relationship with the woman in the production department. I think this was because of her substance abuse or poor performance.)
We had shipped about a thousand products with these new power supplies, which failed like popcorn. Fortunately, we had a power supply expert. Yay? Richard bumbled around for a month investigating the issue until our boss called in an expert power supply consultant. (Note: Richard openly requested that I was not to be a part of this critical investigation. I was happy to comply and watch him fail.)
Together, the expert and drunk Richard attacked the problem. They were not progressing, and the boss hired a “problem-solving” consultant to manage the data. He helped focus the investigation and was instrumental in uncovering the problems. On a side note, the boss asked him to teach a problem-solving class. I learned a lot and still have a folder with notes and materials.
After a month, they had uncovered several issues but could not replicate the core problem. So, they rented an epic amount of test equipment, including an electronic load. I had never seen one before and played with it after work. Yes, I blew up a power supply in the process. What did I do? I placed it back in their “tested good” pile of supplies.
Even with all this help, they were stumped. One day, I was in the lab and saw them completely frustrated. The expert loudly complained, “We cannot get this to fail!” I did not tell them that I knew the settings on the electronic load, which would take out the supply, but they agreed to look at what they were doing. Since I was an expert in the system, it was apparent the configuration was completely different from what we were shipping. So, I correctly set up the system, and the power supply failed. They were stunned! Did I get any credit for this big breakthrough? Of course not.
The power supply had three significant issues: faulty circuit design, improper assembly, and counterfeit parts. By the end of the investigation, Richard was reduced to a helper. I also overheard a conversation with the boss where the consultant complained about his alcohol breath.
Despite the body abuse, Richard was physically fit and played racquetball twice a week. He was on a round-robin team at the local gym, and they had a tradition. On odd weeks, one player would bring beer to celebrate the game; on even weeks, the other. One week, Richard accidentally signed up for a 3 pm game. So, he was out buying beer at 2:30, and who was in the parking lot as he strolled out with a six-pack? That’s right, the boss. He got six days of unpaid leave, and he had to explain to HR how he would clean up his act. We all laughed about this, but he still drank like a fish.
As part of our job, engineers must conduct a design review. Typically, companies conduct the review in a meeting where engineers and managers review the design, comment, make changes, and ask questions. I do not enjoy this activity, but I accept it is part of the job. Richard and I took this opportunity to tear each other apart.
A traditional design review ends with a list of suggestions for investigation, accepted changes, and open questions. Then, the designer would make updates, send out new drawings with the list of changes, and answer the questions. Next, the other engineers would comment over email.
Richard’s input during reviews was always stupid, but I still went through the exercise to defend my design and thoroughly answer his questions. Of course, he never wrote down my comments/questions in the review, and the boss never made a fuss. Yes, this unfair treatment ticked me off.
Another one of Richard’s issues was he drove like a maniac. Everybody knew to avoid the red Honda that routinely cut them off in the parking lot and nearby streets. It is a miracle he survived the drive home every day.
One of Richard’s quirks was that he never went anywhere without his notebook. Typically, engineers record their technical notes, but for Richard, this was his primary memory device. One day, he misplaced his notebook and did not know what was happening. There was no choice, and he had to start another. Turns out, he left it in my cubical. I saw it, laughed, and ignored it for a week. When I asked him about it, words cannot describe how happy he was to get it back. In retrospect, I should have opened it to see what he had recorded or made photocopies of the absurdity.
Around the time of the racquetball incident, I listened to the morning radio. The DJs asked the listeners to tell funny stories, and one caller described placing a wireless microphone in a deeply paranoid friend’s car. When the friend discovered it, the prankster said, “Wow, I bet there are listening devices all over your home.” The joke went overboard because the friend tore out his drywall to locate more devices.
I happened to have a Radio Shack wireless microphone and placed it behind Richard’s monitor with the antenna poking out. He found it and asked everybody if they saw anybody in his cubical. When he asked me, I casually mentioned, “Wow, I bet there are listening devices all over your home.” He did not tear out the drywall but searched for two days.
Something had to give, and one morning, Richard woke up paralyzed. His roommate took him to the hospital, and he needed a week to recover. Richard vowed off drugs and booze. This was a vast improvement, but the damage was done.
What did we do about this problem coworker? We all complained to the boss, but Richard continued to be employed. I recall several conversations where one of us would say, “Well, if Richard gets away with A, this means nobody will complain when I do B.” It is amazing how one bad team member can bring down a whole group.
Eventually, Richard saw what was coming (I know he got awful job reviews) and worked as a salesman at a local electronic parts distributor. When I learned he was leaving, I blurted out, “Clearly, that company did not have drug testing.” But the joke was on me. Richard has “the gift of gab,” and he became an outstanding salesperson. This lasted six years until the internet changed component marketing, and he lost his job.
I ran into Richard about ten years later. He looked healthier and now works for Sony designing power supplies. So, if you buy a Sony device, chances are he created the power supply. I hope you have fire insurance.

You’re the best -Bill
October 09, 2024

Brian’s Big Mistake

I recently re-watched the 2017 episode of Family Guy, where Brian the dog tweeted that he was about to watch a movie. He failed to see that his post was wildly racist.
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt7168010/
This fictional event got me thinking about my public interactions. While I do not use Twitter or Instagram, I post articles and write books. Could something I create be misinterpreted, taken out of context, or accidentally offensive? That is a real possibility because I must push boundaries so my work stands out. My controversial topics include murder, aliens, intimate relationships, deceit, theft, fraud, torture, plagiarism, working with criminals, and entrapment. Each one of these topics is a potential powder keg of public outcry.
Also, the public is bombarded by offensive noise, and they have grown to ignore it. From outlandish comedians pushing every possible boundary to news about hate crimes. It is easy to assume that a “casual” remark is acceptable. For example, two people joke around, and an author might think, “Hey, that joke was funny. Since I heard it in public, it must not be too offensive. I’m going to use it in an upcoming book.”
Could I overcome such a mistake? I cannot because my meager status as an upcoming author does not have a loud voice to overcome millions of people reading/creating slanderous posts about my mistake. What damage could this do? The best case is that my efforts to become a successful author would be put on hold for five years. The worst case is that all online markets would remove my books, and people would continue to insult me until the day I die. Yikes!
How likely is this to occur? To answer this, we must think about the Family Guy episode. Some nobody tweeted an offensive post. In real life, people tweet offensive material all day long without consequence. So, the reality is that it is unlikely that a large group will form to attack a nobody author like me.
Yet, the public is fickle. Who knows what random subject people will latch onto? Recall that all major news outlets focused 200% on the disappearance of Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 for six months during 2014. There were many wild theories, calls to action, pseudoscience, demands for more searches, and expert opinions. The public absolutely could not get enough.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Malaysi...
What am I doing to prevent myself from making mistakes? My first line of defense is to write in a safe space devoid of offensive topics. For example, I would never intentionally write something racist. (I also do this for moral reasons.) To do this, I make sure my characters, while flawed, do not cross certain lines. For example, if my story involved a biker gang member, I would avoid making them racist, sexist, or a stereotypical biker. As a result, if readers were motorcycle enthusiasts, they would not give a second thought to the scene. “A hard-core biker committed a robbery. No big deal.” Now, if I made the biker out to be a bumbling idiot or a racist, then people would be offended. “Hey, not cool!”
There is a tradeoff with writing in this limited space. My range is limited, and this has consequences. For example, I have wanted to write an article about how the media portrays women poorly. The problem is that to create such an article, I would have to list examples that would offend readers, so I will never publish such an article. Bummer.
Another method to avoid controversy is heavy editing. Thus, I review each article for three weeks before posting. If I uncover anything even remotely offensive, it gets deleted. Since my writing adventure began, I have deleted three articles to keep controversy to a minimum. What were the topics? I am not falling for that one.
For my books, there is no choice but to have at least three pairs of eyes reviewing my words. I eliminate or edit the offending section if they detect anything remotely offensive.
My last line of defense is to pull an article or book if the public has a bad reaction. My second book fell into this category, and I released a second edition that corrected the problem. That was a big mistake and a hard lesson. Did this mean that my creativity was compromised? You bet.
My biggest failing in this area is not researching every sentence. For example, I enjoyed the show Leverage. There is plenty of material to discuss. After all, the show was popular and well-written. Yay!
It turns out that the show’s star, Timothy Hutton, was accused of a 1983 incident. This greatly affected his reputation, and if I had not known about this incident, I could have easily written an article praising Timothy Hutton’s character and received substantial backlash. Would the public care that much about one of my timid articles? It only takes one angry person to get the ball rolling.
What are some examples of mistakes I caught? I uncovered one last week in an upcoming book. A female main character made a mistake and then joked about her error to the male main character. It read well, but on about the fourth editing pass, I was shocked by my unintentional sexist creation. The problem was that humor is easy to misinterpret. So, I re-wrote the entire section.
My conclusion is that being an author is like walking in a minefield. Eventually, I am going to step on one or more mines. Hopefully, my minefield only contains small ones.

You’re the best -Bill
October 02, 2024