Bill Conrad's Blog, page 3
July 2, 2025
Micro-Paragraphs
I recently took a deep dive into examining how AI improves an existing document and discovered a trend. Nearly all the AI chat boxes I tested broke up paragraphs into multiple short paragraphs. There were even single-word paragraphs. To me, this read seemed out of place, and I wanted to learn more about what was happening.
Since I began writing books, my style has evolved, but my initial goal of helping my readers connect with the story in my bonkers mind remained. Thus, I avoid long paragraphs and short paragraphs. I intend to give readers a break while maintaining their interest. My benchmark is a minimum of two medium-length sentences, and I try not to exceed five. The exception is dialogue, where short paragraphs are used to indicate who is speaking.
Yet, multiple AI chat boxes employ this micro-paragraph style. Here is a Microsoft Copilot prompt to “improve the readability” of an existing paragraph.
“Sure thing, Captain!” she called back. “Won’t be a minute!”
Nick stood alone, relishing the rare quiet. Soon, the rest of the crew would join him, but for now, it was just him—adrift in the vastness of space, the stars stretching endlessly around him.
They had fought for this. Earned it.
Freedom.
It hadn’t always been that way.
To me, this reads all wrong, but it occurs to me that I may be ignorant of how modern successful writing is done. To investigate the matter, I did a quick survey of new (not classic) fiction authors who recently released popular works. These are the first six books that appeared in the Amazon “editor’s best books of the month” selection. They all had excellent reviews, and I skimmed the first few pages.
House of Flame and Shadow by Sarah J. Maas
Berserker Obsession by Asa Maria Bradley
Inked by Rachel Rener
Death Row by Freida McFadden
Rewind It Back by Liz Tomforde
Abscond by Abraham Verghese
Although only a small selection, the results were revealing. With one exception, they read how I would expect. Their well-written paragraphs were medium length with good flowing sentences. The outlier, House of Flame, had short, choppy paragraphs, similar to what I saw in AI-generated paragraphs.
Now, I must take a side track. I have written a few articles about AI chat boxes, which have allowed me to understand what they are capable of. I also use ChatGPT during the outline stage to vet my ideas. However, I never allow AI-generated words to be in my books or articles unless I thoroughly prepare my readers with a warning. Why?
Three reasons. It is neither fun nor ethical, and readers are becoming increasingly adept at spotting AI-generated words, which is precisely what I saw in The House of Flame. I am not sure if the author used AI to “up” a poorly written book, or if it was entirely AI-generated. However, all the AI fingerprints were there: precise dialogue integration, unwavering sentence structure, long-winded descriptions, and the use of specific words that I now recognize AI overuses.
However, seeing an AI-generated work with many positive reviews made me think about the bigger picture. Who is using AI the most, and what are they using it for? Kids are using AI to text. Ahh, short sentences and micro-paragraphs now make sense.
So now what? Should I alter my writing style to include micro-paragraphs? Yes, this technique pumps up the action, but my instinct yells out NO!!!!! Yet, The House of Flame had excellent reviews and good sales.
I hate doing something because the world perceives it as cool (bell-bottom jeans), but I must accept that this generation of readers has changed. Micro-paragraphs read well to new readers. What should I do? These paragraphs look unappealing, and more to the point, I have put in a significant effort to refine my style.
Time for some reality. I admit that I am trying to write in the footsteps of my beloved authors. I do this because this style is the standard, it is what I am used to reading, and because I want to be successful.
Could the world revert to enjoying classic writing styles? “Curl up and enjoy a good book with big paragraphs.” I make myself laugh. Micro-paragraphs are the new reality in writing, and despite my distaste, I must accept that this is what the modern reader wants.
Writing this article was a wake-up call. I suppose I could ease into this process with a few mini-paragraphs and throw in a few micro-paragraphs. Girrr. That last sentence boiled my blood.
You’re the best -Bill
July 02, 2025
Since I began writing books, my style has evolved, but my initial goal of helping my readers connect with the story in my bonkers mind remained. Thus, I avoid long paragraphs and short paragraphs. I intend to give readers a break while maintaining their interest. My benchmark is a minimum of two medium-length sentences, and I try not to exceed five. The exception is dialogue, where short paragraphs are used to indicate who is speaking.
Yet, multiple AI chat boxes employ this micro-paragraph style. Here is a Microsoft Copilot prompt to “improve the readability” of an existing paragraph.
“Sure thing, Captain!” she called back. “Won’t be a minute!”
Nick stood alone, relishing the rare quiet. Soon, the rest of the crew would join him, but for now, it was just him—adrift in the vastness of space, the stars stretching endlessly around him.
They had fought for this. Earned it.
Freedom.
It hadn’t always been that way.
To me, this reads all wrong, but it occurs to me that I may be ignorant of how modern successful writing is done. To investigate the matter, I did a quick survey of new (not classic) fiction authors who recently released popular works. These are the first six books that appeared in the Amazon “editor’s best books of the month” selection. They all had excellent reviews, and I skimmed the first few pages.
House of Flame and Shadow by Sarah J. Maas
Berserker Obsession by Asa Maria Bradley
Inked by Rachel Rener
Death Row by Freida McFadden
Rewind It Back by Liz Tomforde
Abscond by Abraham Verghese
Although only a small selection, the results were revealing. With one exception, they read how I would expect. Their well-written paragraphs were medium length with good flowing sentences. The outlier, House of Flame, had short, choppy paragraphs, similar to what I saw in AI-generated paragraphs.
Now, I must take a side track. I have written a few articles about AI chat boxes, which have allowed me to understand what they are capable of. I also use ChatGPT during the outline stage to vet my ideas. However, I never allow AI-generated words to be in my books or articles unless I thoroughly prepare my readers with a warning. Why?
Three reasons. It is neither fun nor ethical, and readers are becoming increasingly adept at spotting AI-generated words, which is precisely what I saw in The House of Flame. I am not sure if the author used AI to “up” a poorly written book, or if it was entirely AI-generated. However, all the AI fingerprints were there: precise dialogue integration, unwavering sentence structure, long-winded descriptions, and the use of specific words that I now recognize AI overuses.
However, seeing an AI-generated work with many positive reviews made me think about the bigger picture. Who is using AI the most, and what are they using it for? Kids are using AI to text. Ahh, short sentences and micro-paragraphs now make sense.
So now what? Should I alter my writing style to include micro-paragraphs? Yes, this technique pumps up the action, but my instinct yells out NO!!!!! Yet, The House of Flame had excellent reviews and good sales.
I hate doing something because the world perceives it as cool (bell-bottom jeans), but I must accept that this generation of readers has changed. Micro-paragraphs read well to new readers. What should I do? These paragraphs look unappealing, and more to the point, I have put in a significant effort to refine my style.
Time for some reality. I admit that I am trying to write in the footsteps of my beloved authors. I do this because this style is the standard, it is what I am used to reading, and because I want to be successful.
Could the world revert to enjoying classic writing styles? “Curl up and enjoy a good book with big paragraphs.” I make myself laugh. Micro-paragraphs are the new reality in writing, and despite my distaste, I must accept that this is what the modern reader wants.
Writing this article was a wake-up call. I suppose I could ease into this process with a few mini-paragraphs and throw in a few micro-paragraphs. Girrr. That last sentence boiled my blood.
You’re the best -Bill
July 02, 2025
June 25, 2025
Duplicated Books Are Now for Sale
I recently read this article:
https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/edmont...
In it, an author warns everybody about a disturbing new trend. Unscrupulous individuals are downloading copyrighted works, feeding them to an AI chat box, and publishing the results as their own. This new trend is only going to worsen, and readers, authors, copyright holders, and publishers are already suffering the consequences.
This is not the first time technology has had a significant impact on the job market or society. A good example is computerized cash registers. Before this invention, cashiers were required to memorize hundreds of prices and know how to operate a daunting mechanical device. Suddenly, anybody could do this job with only minor training, resulting in reduced wages and limited job security.
How does a person use AI to rewrite a book? After obtaining the raw text, the “author” sends it to an AI chat box with a simple prompt like, “Rewrite the following book to be livelier.” “Enhance the following document.” “Alter the following novel to obscure the original writing style.”
Suddenly, BAM! Anybody can be an “author” of an astounding work. Harvy Pots and the Magician’s Rock. Catch 23. The Good Gibspy. The Tiger, The Sorceress, and the Closet. Tim Climpsy’s Search for the Green November. Dang, writing those titles upset me.
So, now what? Obviously, publishers like Amazon are tackling this issue with gusto! Yeah, typing that last sentence made me laugh. Well, at least if an author finds their books have an AI-generated version, Amazon has an easy way for the genuine authors to eliminate them. Wow, I am on a comedy roll.
Companies like Amazon aim to generate revenue. They do not care if a book came from a chat box, a ghostwriter, a computer hacker who broke into an author’s account, a cut-and-paste party, an illegally recorded interview, fake news, a random number generator, misinformation, disinformation, propaganda, state news, alternative facts, or the real author. There is no incentive for Amazon to investigate all incoming books. According to this article, Amazon gets 900-1200 new eBook titles daily. Where would the money come from to pay for a detailed screening?
https://www.quora.com/How-many-eBooks...
But authors could sue Amazon! I am on the biggest comedy role of my life. Well, authors could band together in a class-action lawsuit. I was part of a $95 million lawsuit regarding my smartphone and have been promised $20. So… I could spend two years writing a book, spend $$ editing, and get $20? Yay???
Well, there are copyright laws. The problem is that there are no copyright police. It is up to the author to locate the work, file a complaint, and hope some prosecutor has the time to take the case. And if the offending “author” is in a different country or has provided a false address? Then nothing. Thus, the best-case scenario in a major AI copyright case is that the offending “author” receives a fine.
Alas, readers must accept this new reality, but authors may have an ace up their sleeve. Readers are becoming increasingly adept at identifying AI-generated content. The sentences have a distinct flow, and chat boxes habitually use certain words. Most importantly, readers tend to dislike AI-generated works. Why?
There is nothing technically wrong with AI-generated material. It is grammatically sound, usually correct, and focused. The problem is that readers are people, and people want to read what other people have written. They feel cheated when they read something “genuine” only to find AI duped them. Even if a talented author uses AI in brief areas, readers still dislike the result. To me, the experience is like drinking diet soda when I wanted the sugar. “I did not ask for diet!”
Now hold on. Who is buying this AI junk? Lots of readers. I have found many recent books to be either partially or wholly written by AI. Why? Readers enjoy well-written material, and AI certainly delivers in that department.
These generated books feature fantastic cover art created by AI, along with a well-written description also generated by AI. So, let’s say that an unscrupulous author took The Great Gatsby and passed it through a chat box. What would I see if I were unaware of the original book? It would be a great story set in the roaring 20s about a complicated man. And the writing quality? Well, not the best, but certainly good. What about the guts? That is where AI falters.
F. Scott Fitzgerald is a celebrated author, and, more than any other story I have read, the symbolism in The Great Gatsby takes center stage. In short, a lot was going on, and the diligent reader would have grasped the nuances of the characters, scenes, and motives on multiple levels. Would all of that be present in an AI version?
I suspect those complex elements would be washed away. So no, the result would not read nearly as powerful. I think this would be like the comic book version of a classic story.
There is more bad news. AI chat boxes are dramatically improving. Soon, the generated sentences will be challenging for readers to identify, and they might prefer these polished gems. In fact, this is now possible with a prompt like: “Improve the following book and make the result read like a human wrote it.” Will AI be able to improve The Great Gatsby? Will readers prefer AI-updated books over the originals? Will readers soon demand AI-generated content? Reluctantly, I feel the answer will be yes.
Do I fear that somebody will feed my book into a chat box and then publish it under their name? Even though I have been writing about this topic for the last twenty minutes, in the back of my mind, I had not confronted this reality. So, I took a moment to ponder this concept. Yeah, that would suck. My answer is that I do fear it.
What would happen if I discovered that AI had altered versions of my books? After an unsuccessful attempt to get all the works taken down, I would stop writing. Why? What would be the point? Heck, the “author” could generate ten sequels in ten minutes and then publish them in twenty. I cannot compete with AI and do not want to.
Will this AI perversion make authors obsolete? Unless there is a significant backlash by readers, I cannot conceive of a way to avoid the AI title wave of books. This is a daunting prospect for both me, as a reader, and an author.
You’re the best -Bill
June 25, 2025
https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/edmont...
In it, an author warns everybody about a disturbing new trend. Unscrupulous individuals are downloading copyrighted works, feeding them to an AI chat box, and publishing the results as their own. This new trend is only going to worsen, and readers, authors, copyright holders, and publishers are already suffering the consequences.
This is not the first time technology has had a significant impact on the job market or society. A good example is computerized cash registers. Before this invention, cashiers were required to memorize hundreds of prices and know how to operate a daunting mechanical device. Suddenly, anybody could do this job with only minor training, resulting in reduced wages and limited job security.
How does a person use AI to rewrite a book? After obtaining the raw text, the “author” sends it to an AI chat box with a simple prompt like, “Rewrite the following book to be livelier.” “Enhance the following document.” “Alter the following novel to obscure the original writing style.”
Suddenly, BAM! Anybody can be an “author” of an astounding work. Harvy Pots and the Magician’s Rock. Catch 23. The Good Gibspy. The Tiger, The Sorceress, and the Closet. Tim Climpsy’s Search for the Green November. Dang, writing those titles upset me.
So, now what? Obviously, publishers like Amazon are tackling this issue with gusto! Yeah, typing that last sentence made me laugh. Well, at least if an author finds their books have an AI-generated version, Amazon has an easy way for the genuine authors to eliminate them. Wow, I am on a comedy roll.
Companies like Amazon aim to generate revenue. They do not care if a book came from a chat box, a ghostwriter, a computer hacker who broke into an author’s account, a cut-and-paste party, an illegally recorded interview, fake news, a random number generator, misinformation, disinformation, propaganda, state news, alternative facts, or the real author. There is no incentive for Amazon to investigate all incoming books. According to this article, Amazon gets 900-1200 new eBook titles daily. Where would the money come from to pay for a detailed screening?
https://www.quora.com/How-many-eBooks...
But authors could sue Amazon! I am on the biggest comedy role of my life. Well, authors could band together in a class-action lawsuit. I was part of a $95 million lawsuit regarding my smartphone and have been promised $20. So… I could spend two years writing a book, spend $$ editing, and get $20? Yay???
Well, there are copyright laws. The problem is that there are no copyright police. It is up to the author to locate the work, file a complaint, and hope some prosecutor has the time to take the case. And if the offending “author” is in a different country or has provided a false address? Then nothing. Thus, the best-case scenario in a major AI copyright case is that the offending “author” receives a fine.
Alas, readers must accept this new reality, but authors may have an ace up their sleeve. Readers are becoming increasingly adept at identifying AI-generated content. The sentences have a distinct flow, and chat boxes habitually use certain words. Most importantly, readers tend to dislike AI-generated works. Why?
There is nothing technically wrong with AI-generated material. It is grammatically sound, usually correct, and focused. The problem is that readers are people, and people want to read what other people have written. They feel cheated when they read something “genuine” only to find AI duped them. Even if a talented author uses AI in brief areas, readers still dislike the result. To me, the experience is like drinking diet soda when I wanted the sugar. “I did not ask for diet!”
Now hold on. Who is buying this AI junk? Lots of readers. I have found many recent books to be either partially or wholly written by AI. Why? Readers enjoy well-written material, and AI certainly delivers in that department.
These generated books feature fantastic cover art created by AI, along with a well-written description also generated by AI. So, let’s say that an unscrupulous author took The Great Gatsby and passed it through a chat box. What would I see if I were unaware of the original book? It would be a great story set in the roaring 20s about a complicated man. And the writing quality? Well, not the best, but certainly good. What about the guts? That is where AI falters.
F. Scott Fitzgerald is a celebrated author, and, more than any other story I have read, the symbolism in The Great Gatsby takes center stage. In short, a lot was going on, and the diligent reader would have grasped the nuances of the characters, scenes, and motives on multiple levels. Would all of that be present in an AI version?
I suspect those complex elements would be washed away. So no, the result would not read nearly as powerful. I think this would be like the comic book version of a classic story.
There is more bad news. AI chat boxes are dramatically improving. Soon, the generated sentences will be challenging for readers to identify, and they might prefer these polished gems. In fact, this is now possible with a prompt like: “Improve the following book and make the result read like a human wrote it.” Will AI be able to improve The Great Gatsby? Will readers prefer AI-updated books over the originals? Will readers soon demand AI-generated content? Reluctantly, I feel the answer will be yes.
Do I fear that somebody will feed my book into a chat box and then publish it under their name? Even though I have been writing about this topic for the last twenty minutes, in the back of my mind, I had not confronted this reality. So, I took a moment to ponder this concept. Yeah, that would suck. My answer is that I do fear it.
What would happen if I discovered that AI had altered versions of my books? After an unsuccessful attempt to get all the works taken down, I would stop writing. Why? What would be the point? Heck, the “author” could generate ten sequels in ten minutes and then publish them in twenty. I cannot compete with AI and do not want to.
Will this AI perversion make authors obsolete? Unless there is a significant backlash by readers, I cannot conceive of a way to avoid the AI title wave of books. This is a daunting prospect for both me, as a reader, and an author.
You’re the best -Bill
June 25, 2025
June 19, 2025
Movie and Book Plots Are Different
I have been spending my Friday evenings hanging out with friends for the last 30 years. One of our favorite pastimes is to watch YouTube videos. The subject matter encompasses music, humor, crafting, technical lectures, computers, racing, and educational topics.
Last week, we watched a YouTube Pitch Meeting about the live-action Snow White movie. If you’ve never watched one of these videos, the host pretends to humorously tell himself (as if he were the movie studio) about the movie and why it would be a good idea to make it. IE, he is “pitching it.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x0nSF...
One of the popular catchphrases in these Pitch Meetings is “super easy, barely an inconvenience.” The host uses this comical phrase to describe a scene where the characters easily overcome a significant obstacle. One example occurs when Snow White breaks the evil queen’s spell by saying the names and occupations of the townspeople.
This funny phrase got me thinking about the differences between a movie plot and a book plot. But first, what is a movie from a story perspective? A screenwriter creates a script to capture the plot, using a relatively small amount of dialogue to convey the story. The remaining details are visually conveyed.
A book contains a vast quantity of text and sometimes pictures. More text is required because something simple, like a car, needs a paragraph to be described accurately. The resulting book has substantially more details, but the movie provides a more visually appealing representation.
Yet, there is more to it. I contend that the story is different because of the limited movie format. Sure, the characters could spend ten minutes describing something, but moviegoers would be bored to tears as they sat through a five-hour movie.
Unfortunately, this limited format results in scenes that range from glossing over details to those that lack coherence. Typically, moviegoers ignore these issues and enjoy the film, but sometimes, the omissions are so glaring that the movie suffers.
I wanted to highlight a classic inconsistency that occurred in the Lord of The Rings trilogy. At the beginning of the first movie, the main characters ride large birds. Then, they spend days traveling by foot through harsh terrain while fighting off the enemy. So… Why not fly the whole way?
The author, J.R.R. Tolkien, provided a logical reason why it was not possible to fly, but this detail was omitted from the film. And the audience understands. “Hey, they glossed over that. No big deal.”
The reason behind this decision is that the audience did not need a boring bird explanation. Instead, they sought drama, action, large-scale battle scenes, epic music, attractive characters, computer-generated dragons, impressive weaponry, and over-the-top action. All in 4K with Dolby Digital sound! And the movies indeed delivered.
Books are vastly different. When I write, a big part of my thought process focuses on conveying exactly what is happening and why. Bad reviews confirm the difference. A moviegoer would complain about the lack of drama, slow pacing, and mild action. Yet, a reader would complain about a confusing plot, poor descriptions, lackluster characters, and missing details.
I spend hours at the outline stage to work out precisely how my plot will unfold. I never want to see logic problems, confusing characters, controversy, or poor flow. Then I spend months writing and even more time editing. Ultimately, my goal is to have every detail polished to perfection. Not one word out of place.
Thus, I would never allow one of my characters to use a silly method to break a spell. Instead, I would fully define all aspects of the spell. Then, the character would spend pages thinking of possible ways to break it, and only then would I allow them to try one of those methods. Of course, I would not allow their first attempt to work. Why? Trial and error often lead to great drama, and failures are frequently the most memorable moments.
While the two approaches may ultimately converge, the journey is different, and I have a final example to illustrate this. I have only laughed twice while reading a book, but I laugh all the time during movies.
You’re the best -Bill
June 19, 2025
Last week, we watched a YouTube Pitch Meeting about the live-action Snow White movie. If you’ve never watched one of these videos, the host pretends to humorously tell himself (as if he were the movie studio) about the movie and why it would be a good idea to make it. IE, he is “pitching it.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x0nSF...
One of the popular catchphrases in these Pitch Meetings is “super easy, barely an inconvenience.” The host uses this comical phrase to describe a scene where the characters easily overcome a significant obstacle. One example occurs when Snow White breaks the evil queen’s spell by saying the names and occupations of the townspeople.
This funny phrase got me thinking about the differences between a movie plot and a book plot. But first, what is a movie from a story perspective? A screenwriter creates a script to capture the plot, using a relatively small amount of dialogue to convey the story. The remaining details are visually conveyed.
A book contains a vast quantity of text and sometimes pictures. More text is required because something simple, like a car, needs a paragraph to be described accurately. The resulting book has substantially more details, but the movie provides a more visually appealing representation.
Yet, there is more to it. I contend that the story is different because of the limited movie format. Sure, the characters could spend ten minutes describing something, but moviegoers would be bored to tears as they sat through a five-hour movie.
Unfortunately, this limited format results in scenes that range from glossing over details to those that lack coherence. Typically, moviegoers ignore these issues and enjoy the film, but sometimes, the omissions are so glaring that the movie suffers.
I wanted to highlight a classic inconsistency that occurred in the Lord of The Rings trilogy. At the beginning of the first movie, the main characters ride large birds. Then, they spend days traveling by foot through harsh terrain while fighting off the enemy. So… Why not fly the whole way?
The author, J.R.R. Tolkien, provided a logical reason why it was not possible to fly, but this detail was omitted from the film. And the audience understands. “Hey, they glossed over that. No big deal.”
The reason behind this decision is that the audience did not need a boring bird explanation. Instead, they sought drama, action, large-scale battle scenes, epic music, attractive characters, computer-generated dragons, impressive weaponry, and over-the-top action. All in 4K with Dolby Digital sound! And the movies indeed delivered.
Books are vastly different. When I write, a big part of my thought process focuses on conveying exactly what is happening and why. Bad reviews confirm the difference. A moviegoer would complain about the lack of drama, slow pacing, and mild action. Yet, a reader would complain about a confusing plot, poor descriptions, lackluster characters, and missing details.
I spend hours at the outline stage to work out precisely how my plot will unfold. I never want to see logic problems, confusing characters, controversy, or poor flow. Then I spend months writing and even more time editing. Ultimately, my goal is to have every detail polished to perfection. Not one word out of place.
Thus, I would never allow one of my characters to use a silly method to break a spell. Instead, I would fully define all aspects of the spell. Then, the character would spend pages thinking of possible ways to break it, and only then would I allow them to try one of those methods. Of course, I would not allow their first attempt to work. Why? Trial and error often lead to great drama, and failures are frequently the most memorable moments.
While the two approaches may ultimately converge, the journey is different, and I have a final example to illustrate this. I have only laughed twice while reading a book, but I laugh all the time during movies.
You’re the best -Bill
June 19, 2025
June 11, 2025
The Dramatic Semicolon Decline
Yesterday, I randomly found this article:
https://www.theguardian.com/science/2...
It claimed that over the last 20 years, the use of semicolons in British English has fallen by 50%. I have also noticed the decline, but I did not think it was this severe. Well, what is going on? Of course, I have a wacky theory.
But first, when is it appropriate to use a semicolon? I could provide the Wikipedia answer, but I prefer my own methodically researched version. It is used when… Alright, truth. I have no idea. My best guess is that a semicolon gets mashed in between two disconnected topics. Its purpose is to magically separate the two thoughts. As far as when they are appropriate? I let MS Word, ProWritingAid, Grammarly, or my editor sprinkle them in. Otherwise, those pesky little beasts never enter my documents. Translation: I only use them when I am told to because they are a complete mystery.
Well… I could investigate the matter. Perhaps even learn something. I suppose, but I would rather leave it to the professionals, which leads to my theory. I think I am not alone because I do not want to look like an idiot by misusing them. Instead, I use a coma or period, which seems more than enough to separate thoughts. Also, a sentence with a semicolon is often misread. Why?
The whole point of punctuation is to help the reader and, more importantly, the speaker. “Stan played with his toy car, boat, plane and spaceship.” What an amazing sentence. First, there was a capital letter at the beginning. Nice! I know when to begin speaking. Then, the comma indicates when to pause naturally. Thus, the listening person knows the toys are separate. Meaning the car is different from the boat, as opposed to a vehicle that can transition between land and water. Finally, that wonderful period. I know precisely when to stop speaking.
But a semicolon? Umm. Am I supposed to pause my speech longer than usual? Is this for dramatic effect? Is this literary device an “almost” comma or “maybe” period? Should I treat it like a yield sign instead of a caution sign? How is it supposed to help the reader or speaker?
Alright, I broke down and researched the matter. “A semicolon connects two closely related independent clauses within a single sentence or separates items in a series when those items contain commas or are lengthy. It’s used when a period would be too strong and a comma too weak.”
Wow, that explanation made things so much worse. Too many commas? Strong period? That makes little sense. “Stan played with his toy car; boat; plane; and spaceship.” So, he never plays with them at the same time because of the semicolon? And only grammar experts would know this. Yay?
I am no closer to understanding the semicolon, and my research convinced me that my confusion is justified. So yes, I am allowing the semicolon to fade into obscurity. It is too complex for today’s reader, and me. Now, if we can only get rid of the long dash—, underscore_ and vertical bar|
You’re the best -Bill
June 11, 2025
https://www.theguardian.com/science/2...
It claimed that over the last 20 years, the use of semicolons in British English has fallen by 50%. I have also noticed the decline, but I did not think it was this severe. Well, what is going on? Of course, I have a wacky theory.
But first, when is it appropriate to use a semicolon? I could provide the Wikipedia answer, but I prefer my own methodically researched version. It is used when… Alright, truth. I have no idea. My best guess is that a semicolon gets mashed in between two disconnected topics. Its purpose is to magically separate the two thoughts. As far as when they are appropriate? I let MS Word, ProWritingAid, Grammarly, or my editor sprinkle them in. Otherwise, those pesky little beasts never enter my documents. Translation: I only use them when I am told to because they are a complete mystery.
Well… I could investigate the matter. Perhaps even learn something. I suppose, but I would rather leave it to the professionals, which leads to my theory. I think I am not alone because I do not want to look like an idiot by misusing them. Instead, I use a coma or period, which seems more than enough to separate thoughts. Also, a sentence with a semicolon is often misread. Why?
The whole point of punctuation is to help the reader and, more importantly, the speaker. “Stan played with his toy car, boat, plane and spaceship.” What an amazing sentence. First, there was a capital letter at the beginning. Nice! I know when to begin speaking. Then, the comma indicates when to pause naturally. Thus, the listening person knows the toys are separate. Meaning the car is different from the boat, as opposed to a vehicle that can transition between land and water. Finally, that wonderful period. I know precisely when to stop speaking.
But a semicolon? Umm. Am I supposed to pause my speech longer than usual? Is this for dramatic effect? Is this literary device an “almost” comma or “maybe” period? Should I treat it like a yield sign instead of a caution sign? How is it supposed to help the reader or speaker?
Alright, I broke down and researched the matter. “A semicolon connects two closely related independent clauses within a single sentence or separates items in a series when those items contain commas or are lengthy. It’s used when a period would be too strong and a comma too weak.”
Wow, that explanation made things so much worse. Too many commas? Strong period? That makes little sense. “Stan played with his toy car; boat; plane; and spaceship.” So, he never plays with them at the same time because of the semicolon? And only grammar experts would know this. Yay?
I am no closer to understanding the semicolon, and my research convinced me that my confusion is justified. So yes, I am allowing the semicolon to fade into obscurity. It is too complex for today’s reader, and me. Now, if we can only get rid of the long dash—, underscore_ and vertical bar|
You’re the best -Bill
June 11, 2025
June 4, 2025
AI Writing Improvement Shootout
The remarkable and sometimes dreadful accomplishments of Artificial Intelligence are dominating the news, and a significant part of these advancements certainly affects writing. Today, from my humble desktop, I can ask an AI chat box to write a story about elephants, critique a paragraph, answer a question, flush out a concept, or even complete an English writing homework assignment. And the result? Very impressive.
Let’s break that down. The text output is typically free from grammatical and spelling mistakes. It reads smoothly, makes sense, and the content is usually correct.
I wanted to focus on a single AI chat box ability, improving a document. As a writer, I have not taken advantage of this feature for two reasons. The first is that I have a writing limitation; I require a lot of time. Meaning I need more time than the average person to settle on the best words, arrange them in a way that makes sense to me, and then self-edit my work. What I am doing is getting comfortable with what I have created. Only when I am fully confident do I allow my words to be made public.
Having a chat box completely rearrange everything, use unfamiliar words (not my typical vocabulary), and add or subtract topics goes against my method. I do not want to waste people’s time with words that do not meet my standard.
My second reason is that AI chat box words contain a huge fingerprint, and readers are catching on. We prefer human-written words and are getting upset with AI-generated nonsense.
Still, I thought it would be fun to provide the five most popular chatbots —ChatGPT, DeepSeek, Claude, Meta AI, Google Gemini, and Microsoft Copilot —with a paragraph that needs help. Then, evaluate the results.
Let’s examine one of my first drafts and pick out a dreadful section. Now, hold on. What about my rant about not wanting the public ever to see something I have claimed to have written, but which was generated by AI? Very true. Therefore, I will look elsewhere.
But where? That is easy—fan fiction. Yes, dedicated fans worldwide spend years developing new plots for their favorite franchise characters. Comic books, movies, books, plays, anime, cartoons, video games, board games, and television shows all have sites where fans post their homebrew stories.
Since novice writers often create fan fiction, their words are typically not edited, and the document is likely to be read by a small number of fans. Thus, people who enjoy fan fiction understand that the quality is not the best. Additionally, due to copyright, trademark, and legal concerns, these documents have been released into the public domain. This wealth of less-than-ideal documents makes fan fiction sites the perfect repository for my experiment.
So, I went to
https://trekkiefanfiction.com
selected two paragraphs, and here is the first:
“Sure thing, Captain,” came her reply. “Won’t be a minute!” It wouldn’t be long before the other six members of the motley crew would be down to join him, and Nick took the solitary moments to consider the strange roads that life had led him down to the moment where he stood, sharing the wonder of the infinite cosmos with his closest friends– his family. They were finally free. Free to be their own. It hadn’t always been like that.
https://trekkiefanfiction.com/stories...
My evaluation is that this does not read well. It seems that the author is trying to make something more exciting than it is, resulting in redundant sentences. In the broader context, the voice is weak, the dialogue is campy, and the narrative lacks focus. This paragraph needs a substantial rewrite.
Well, let’s get a professional to evaluate this paragraph. ProWritingAid gave it:
Grammar score 52% (should be 100%)
Style score 100% (should be 100%)
Glue words (unnecessary words) 52% (Should be less than 40%)
The site:
https://datayze.com/readability-analyzer
gave it the following:
Flesch Reading Ease 87.68 (Lower is better, indicates grade school)
Gunning Fog Scale Leve 5.7 (A fog score of 5 is readable, 10 is hard, 15 is difficult.)
Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level 3.02 (Requires a third-grade education to read.)
Dale-Chall Score 5.81 (A score of 4.9 or lower indicates the passage is easily readable by the average fourth grade.)
I asked ChatGPT to “Improve the following paragraph for readability.”
“Sure thing, Captain,” she called back. “Won’t be a minute!”
The other six members of the motley crew would be joining him soon, but for now, Nick stood alone, savoring a rare moment of solitude. He let his thoughts drift, reflecting on the strange and winding paths that had brought him here—to this point in space, surrounded by the vastness of the cosmos, sharing it all with his closest friends. His family.
They were finally free. Free to live on their own terms.
It hadn’t always been that way.
My evaluation: This reads better but not great. The writer is still trying too hard. Why are there two small paragraphs? Dramatic effect? I guess. The chatbot added some good details. Here is the analysis:
Grammar score 100%
Style score 55%
Glue words (unnecessary words) 46%
Slow pacing 50%
Flesch Reading Ease 92.09
Gunning Fog Scale Leve 4.92
Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level 1.81
Dale-Chall Score 5.85
For kicks, I asked ChatGPT, “more aggressive update” and got this:
“Sure thing, Captain,” she shouted back. “Give me a sec!”
The rest of the crew—six misfits bound by grit and luck—would be down soon. Until then, Nick stood alone, staring out into the endless stretch of stars. For a fleeting moment, he let himself feel it—the weight of everything they’d survived, the chaos they’d clawed through to get here.
This wasn’t luck. It was earned.
Now, they were free. Truly free. No chains. No orders. No one left to answer to but themselves.
It hadn’t always been that way. But damn, it was now.
My evaluation: I like the added details, and the result reads slightly better; however, there is a clear problem. It reads like AI-generated text and has lost the writer’s voice. And three short paragraphs? Strange…
I have never used Deepseek due to privacy concerns, but since it is ranked #2, I created an account using an email address I check once a year. Here is the result:
“You got it, Captain!” she called back. “Be right there!”
The rest of the crew—all six of them—would join him soon, but for now, Nick stood alone, savoring a rare moment of peace. His thoughts drifted, retracing the strange and winding paths that had led him here—to this quiet corner of the cosmos, surrounded by infinite stars, yet never truly alone. Not with them. His friends. His family.
They were free at last. Free to live as they chose.
But it hadn’t always been that way.
My evaluation: Not much of an improvement, and it added an exclamation point! Boo! Again, the two added short paragraphs. Here is the analysis:
Grammar score 100%
Style score 100%
Glue words (unnecessary words) 47%
Slow pacing 50%
Flesch Reading Ease 97.52
Gunning Fog Scale Leve 4.12
Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level 0.82
Dale-Chall Score 5.29
Since I was there… “more aggressive update”
“Yeah, yeah, Captain—keep your boots on!” she barked back. “I’m moving!”
The rest of the crew would be on his ass soon enough, but for now, Nick stood alone—just him, the void, and the ghosts of every bad call that had dragged them here. No regrets. No turning back. Just the endless black and the six lunatics he called family.
Free. Finally, goddamn free. No chains. No rules. Just whatever the hell they carved out for themselves.
But freedom? Yeah, that shit came with a price. And they’d paid in blood.
My evaluation: This reads a lot better. The redundancy is gone, and some nice added details have been included; it no longer reads like AI-generated text. Yet, there are swear words, which can be a big turn-off. What if this was a church newsletter? The two added paragraphs are longer, which I guess makes them a little more appropriate. The large invented details might clash with other text.
I was unaware of Claude.ai, so I created an account. Here is the result:
“Sure thing, Captain,” she called back. “Won’t be a minute!”
The other six members of the motley crew would be joining him soon, but for now, Nick stood alone, savoring a rare moment of solitude. He let his thoughts drift, reflecting on the strange and winding paths that had brought him here—to this point in space, surrounded by the vastness of the cosmos, sharing it all with his closest friends. His family.
They were finally free. Free to live on their own terms.
It hadn’t always been that way.
My evaluation: There is not much improvement. Again, with the small added paragraphs. I will have to give this some thought. Perhaps short paragraphs are now the rage. Here is the analysis:
Grammar score 100%
Style score 55%
Glue words (unnecessary words) 47%
Slow pacing 50%
Flesch Reading Ease 99.87
Gunning Fog Scale Leve 2.35
Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level 0.53
Dale-Chall Score 5.99
Here is the “more aggressive update” result:
“Sure thing, Captain!” she called back. “Won’t be a minute!”
Nick stood alone, savoring the solitude. Soon the other six would join him, but for now he had this—silence among the stars.
He let his thoughts drift. Strange how life had twisted and turned to bring him here. Floating in the vastness with his closest friends.
His family.
They were free now. Free to live on their own terms.
It hadn’t always been that way.
My evaluation: Better, but it reads choppy. It does not read AI-generated, but now there are six paragraphs wich is overkill. Here is what Gemini AI did:
“Sure thing, Captain,” she called back. “Won’t be a minute!”
The other six members of the motley crew would join him soon. For now, Nick stood alone, savoring a rare moment of solitude. His thoughts drifted, reflecting on the strange, winding paths that had brought him to this point: surrounded by the vastness of space, yet sharing it all with his closest friends. His family.
They were finally free—free to live on their own terms.
It hadn’t always been that way.
My evaluation: There is very little change, except for breaking it into four paragraphs. Here is the analysis:
Grammar score 100%
Style score 100%
Glue words (unnecessary words) 43%
Slow pacing 50%
Flesch Reading Ease 90.04
Gunning Fog Scale Leve 5.45
Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level 2.27
Dale-Chall Score 5.87
Some clear improvement in readability. Here is the “more aggressive update” result:
“Sure thing, Captain,” she called back. “Won’t be a minute!”
The rest of the crew—all six—would shatter this quiet soon enough. For now, Nick stood utterly alone, claiming a precious sliver of silence in the void. His mind plunged, unbidden, down the twisting, improbable spiral of choices and chances that had hurled him here: an infinitesimal speck adrift in the star-dusted abyss, yet anchored to meaning by his friends. His family.
They were free. Finally, fiercely free. Free to forge their own destiny.
Such liberty was a raw, intoxicating thing, almost too new to trust.
My evaluation: This is very similar to the ChatGPT text. It reads better, but it is clear that the AI generated it. Here is what Microsoft Copilot generated:
“Sure thing, Captain!” she called back. “Won’t be a minute!”
For now, Nick stood alone, relishing a rare moment of solitude. Soon, the other six members of their motley crew would join him, but in this brief interlude, he let his thoughts wander. He reflected on the long, twisting journey that had led him here—to this place among the stars, surrounded by the endless expanse of the cosmos, sharing it all with the people who mattered most. His closest friends. His family.
They were free at last. Free to live life on their own terms.
My evaluation: This reads more tightly and has a better flow. It combined the last two sentences into one paragraph, which I like, but added an exclamation point, which I do not. The three paragraphs seem to be a trend. Of all the updates, this was my favorite. Here is the analysis:
Grammar score 100%
Style score 100%
Glue words (unnecessary words) 46%
Slow pacing 33%
Flesch Reading Ease 88.83
Gunning Fog Scale Leve 5.32
Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level 2.36
Dale-Chall Score 6.57
Some improvement on readability. Here is the “more aggressive update” result:
“Sure thing, Captain!” she called back. “Won’t be a minute!”
Nick stood alone, relishing the rare quiet. Soon, the rest of the crew would join him, but for now, it was just him—adrift in the vastness of space, the stars stretching endlessly around him.
They had fought for this. Earned it.
Freedom.
It hadn’t always been that way.
My evaluation: This tightened things up, but I have never been a fan of one-word sentences or tiny paragraphs.
Here is the next paragraph. This time, I will skip the analysis.
“No, of course not. She told me about this place some time ago...before you and I... you know...and I thought it would be, well, fun to spend a few weeks in the early 2000 era. You have to admit, driving the car is exhilarating and these bed and breakfast places have been wonderful. I must tell you though; I didn’t know exactly how it would be. I suppose I took a chance...do you want to go someplace else?”
https://trekkiefanfiction.com/stories...
ChatGPT:
“No, of course not. She told me about this place a while ago—before you and I... well, you know—and I thought it might be fun to spend a few weeks in the early 2000s. You have to admit, driving the car is exhilarating, and these bed-and-breakfast places have been amazing. I’ll be honest, I wasn’t entirely sure what to expect. I guess I took a chance. So... do you want to go somewhere else?”
ChatGPT more aggressive update:
“No, of course not. She mentioned this place a while back—before things started between us—and I figured, why not? A few weeks in the early 2000s sounded like a blast. Come on, driving that car is a rush, and these bed-and-breakfasts have been incredible. I won’t lie—I didn’t know exactly what I was walking into, but I went for it. So, what do you say? Ready to move on, or are you still in?”
Deepseek:
“No, of course not. She told me about this place a while ago... before you and I... well, before everything. I thought it’d be fun to spend a few weeks in the early 2000s. You have to admit—driving that car is exhilarating, and these bed-and-breakfasts have been wonderful.
But I’ll be honest—I wasn’t sure how it’d turn out. I took a chance. If you’re not happy here... we can go somewhere else?”
Deepseek more aggressive update:
“Hell no. She told me about this dump before we got tangled up. Figured it’d be fun to time-jump to the f-ing 2000s - at least the car’s got some balls to it, and the beds are decent.
Look, I didn’t promise you paradise. I took a shot. If you’ve got a problem with it, spit it out. Otherwise quit whining and enjoy the ride, or we can bail right now.”
Note: I edited down the F-word in the above paragraph.
Claude.ai:
“No, of course not. She told me about this place some time ago—before you and I... you know—and I thought it would be fun to spend a few weeks in the early 2000s era. You have to admit, driving the car is exhilarating, and these bed and breakfast places have been wonderful. I must tell you though, I didn’t know exactly how it would be. I suppose I took a chance. Do you want to go someplace else?”
Claude.ai more aggressive update:
“No, of course not. She mentioned this place before we... before us. I thought it’d be fun—a few weeks in the early 2000s. The driving’s exhilarating, right? And these B&Bs have been wonderful. But honestly? I didn’t know what to expect. I took a gamble. Want to go somewhere else?”
Google Gemini:
“No, of course not. She told me about this place a while ago—before you and I... well, you know. I just thought it would be fun to spend a few weeks in the early 2000s. You have to admit, driving that car is exhilarating, and these bed and breakfasts have been wonderful. Honestly, though, I didn’t know exactly what to expect. I suppose I took a chance… Do you want to go somewhere else?”
Google Gemini more aggressive update:
“God, no. She told me about this place ages ago—way before we were a thing. My bright idea, right? A quick dip into the early 2000s, just for kicks. And this car is a blast, you can’t deny it. These B&Bs? Surprisingly sweet. But look, cards on the table: I didn’t really know what this would be. Total shot in the dark. So, if you hate it... seriously, we can pull the plug. Go somewhere else?”
Microsoft Copilot:
“No, of course not. She mentioned this place to me a while ago—before you and I… well, you know. I thought it would be fun to spend a few weeks in the early 2000s. You have to admit, driving that car is exhilarating, and these bed-and-breakfasts have been fantastic.
I’ll be honest—I didn’t know exactly what to expect. I suppose I took a chance.
Do you want to go somewhere else?”
Microsoft Copilot more aggressive update:
“No, of course not. She told me about this place a while ago—before you and I… well, you know. I thought it’d be exciting to spend a few weeks in the early 2000s.
Driving that car? Exhilarating. These bed-and-breakfasts? Fantastic.
The ChatGPT-generated results impressed me; they had a good flow and sounded natural. Wow, Deepseek had a serious potty mouth and desperately needs a “no profanity” setting. The result read raw, but I liked the first result. There are some good improvements.
The Claude.ai did not clean up much on the first pass, but the aggressive results showed good improvement. The aggressive results on Google Gemini read the best. Microsoft Copilot was the only one to break it up into three paragraphs, and then it combined them back in the aggressive update. Strange.
My conclusion is that using AI to clean up a document still has room for improvement, and no chat box stands out as a clear winner. Yes, there were improvements, but flaws were also introduced. This includes added concepts that may not make sense in other parts of the document, micro-paragraphs, swear words, a changed tone, and a clear AI fingerprint.
The universal use of micro-paragraphs deeply confused me.
Does.
Breaking.
A.
Thought.
Into.
Ten.
Paragraphs.
Help.
The.
Reader?
I am going to apply some noodle time to figure that one out. Stay tuned for a future article.
For now, I do not recommend cleaning up a document with AI because the results are too unpredictable. One would think that there would be at least some consistency among the top five chat boxes. All I asked for was to improve the readability, which, in my mind, should be equivalent to accepting all the changes from ProWritingAid, Hemingway, and Grammarly. I expected small but powerful changes. However, facts were added, which is far outside the realm of readability. I would have understood if I had asked the chatbot to make the document more exciting, dramatic, thrilling, romantic, or funny.
Still, I see the potential in augmenting a document with AI, and perhaps in five years, chat boxes will improve to the point where they will be powerful enough to help yet tame enough to trust. For now, I will stick with my trusty keyboard and a bonkers mind to polish my documents.
PS, funny side story. I always run my articles through ProWritingAid and Grammarly. They had many suggested improvements for the AI-generated work, which I did not accept but found amusing that state-of-the-art AI still has grammar issues. And the original two paragraphs? Many suggestions…
You’re the best -Bill
June 04, 2025
Let’s break that down. The text output is typically free from grammatical and spelling mistakes. It reads smoothly, makes sense, and the content is usually correct.
I wanted to focus on a single AI chat box ability, improving a document. As a writer, I have not taken advantage of this feature for two reasons. The first is that I have a writing limitation; I require a lot of time. Meaning I need more time than the average person to settle on the best words, arrange them in a way that makes sense to me, and then self-edit my work. What I am doing is getting comfortable with what I have created. Only when I am fully confident do I allow my words to be made public.
Having a chat box completely rearrange everything, use unfamiliar words (not my typical vocabulary), and add or subtract topics goes against my method. I do not want to waste people’s time with words that do not meet my standard.
My second reason is that AI chat box words contain a huge fingerprint, and readers are catching on. We prefer human-written words and are getting upset with AI-generated nonsense.
Still, I thought it would be fun to provide the five most popular chatbots —ChatGPT, DeepSeek, Claude, Meta AI, Google Gemini, and Microsoft Copilot —with a paragraph that needs help. Then, evaluate the results.
Let’s examine one of my first drafts and pick out a dreadful section. Now, hold on. What about my rant about not wanting the public ever to see something I have claimed to have written, but which was generated by AI? Very true. Therefore, I will look elsewhere.
But where? That is easy—fan fiction. Yes, dedicated fans worldwide spend years developing new plots for their favorite franchise characters. Comic books, movies, books, plays, anime, cartoons, video games, board games, and television shows all have sites where fans post their homebrew stories.
Since novice writers often create fan fiction, their words are typically not edited, and the document is likely to be read by a small number of fans. Thus, people who enjoy fan fiction understand that the quality is not the best. Additionally, due to copyright, trademark, and legal concerns, these documents have been released into the public domain. This wealth of less-than-ideal documents makes fan fiction sites the perfect repository for my experiment.
So, I went to
https://trekkiefanfiction.com
selected two paragraphs, and here is the first:
“Sure thing, Captain,” came her reply. “Won’t be a minute!” It wouldn’t be long before the other six members of the motley crew would be down to join him, and Nick took the solitary moments to consider the strange roads that life had led him down to the moment where he stood, sharing the wonder of the infinite cosmos with his closest friends– his family. They were finally free. Free to be their own. It hadn’t always been like that.
https://trekkiefanfiction.com/stories...
My evaluation is that this does not read well. It seems that the author is trying to make something more exciting than it is, resulting in redundant sentences. In the broader context, the voice is weak, the dialogue is campy, and the narrative lacks focus. This paragraph needs a substantial rewrite.
Well, let’s get a professional to evaluate this paragraph. ProWritingAid gave it:
Grammar score 52% (should be 100%)
Style score 100% (should be 100%)
Glue words (unnecessary words) 52% (Should be less than 40%)
The site:
https://datayze.com/readability-analyzer
gave it the following:
Flesch Reading Ease 87.68 (Lower is better, indicates grade school)
Gunning Fog Scale Leve 5.7 (A fog score of 5 is readable, 10 is hard, 15 is difficult.)
Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level 3.02 (Requires a third-grade education to read.)
Dale-Chall Score 5.81 (A score of 4.9 or lower indicates the passage is easily readable by the average fourth grade.)
I asked ChatGPT to “Improve the following paragraph for readability.”
“Sure thing, Captain,” she called back. “Won’t be a minute!”
The other six members of the motley crew would be joining him soon, but for now, Nick stood alone, savoring a rare moment of solitude. He let his thoughts drift, reflecting on the strange and winding paths that had brought him here—to this point in space, surrounded by the vastness of the cosmos, sharing it all with his closest friends. His family.
They were finally free. Free to live on their own terms.
It hadn’t always been that way.
My evaluation: This reads better but not great. The writer is still trying too hard. Why are there two small paragraphs? Dramatic effect? I guess. The chatbot added some good details. Here is the analysis:
Grammar score 100%
Style score 55%
Glue words (unnecessary words) 46%
Slow pacing 50%
Flesch Reading Ease 92.09
Gunning Fog Scale Leve 4.92
Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level 1.81
Dale-Chall Score 5.85
For kicks, I asked ChatGPT, “more aggressive update” and got this:
“Sure thing, Captain,” she shouted back. “Give me a sec!”
The rest of the crew—six misfits bound by grit and luck—would be down soon. Until then, Nick stood alone, staring out into the endless stretch of stars. For a fleeting moment, he let himself feel it—the weight of everything they’d survived, the chaos they’d clawed through to get here.
This wasn’t luck. It was earned.
Now, they were free. Truly free. No chains. No orders. No one left to answer to but themselves.
It hadn’t always been that way. But damn, it was now.
My evaluation: I like the added details, and the result reads slightly better; however, there is a clear problem. It reads like AI-generated text and has lost the writer’s voice. And three short paragraphs? Strange…
I have never used Deepseek due to privacy concerns, but since it is ranked #2, I created an account using an email address I check once a year. Here is the result:
“You got it, Captain!” she called back. “Be right there!”
The rest of the crew—all six of them—would join him soon, but for now, Nick stood alone, savoring a rare moment of peace. His thoughts drifted, retracing the strange and winding paths that had led him here—to this quiet corner of the cosmos, surrounded by infinite stars, yet never truly alone. Not with them. His friends. His family.
They were free at last. Free to live as they chose.
But it hadn’t always been that way.
My evaluation: Not much of an improvement, and it added an exclamation point! Boo! Again, the two added short paragraphs. Here is the analysis:
Grammar score 100%
Style score 100%
Glue words (unnecessary words) 47%
Slow pacing 50%
Flesch Reading Ease 97.52
Gunning Fog Scale Leve 4.12
Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level 0.82
Dale-Chall Score 5.29
Since I was there… “more aggressive update”
“Yeah, yeah, Captain—keep your boots on!” she barked back. “I’m moving!”
The rest of the crew would be on his ass soon enough, but for now, Nick stood alone—just him, the void, and the ghosts of every bad call that had dragged them here. No regrets. No turning back. Just the endless black and the six lunatics he called family.
Free. Finally, goddamn free. No chains. No rules. Just whatever the hell they carved out for themselves.
But freedom? Yeah, that shit came with a price. And they’d paid in blood.
My evaluation: This reads a lot better. The redundancy is gone, and some nice added details have been included; it no longer reads like AI-generated text. Yet, there are swear words, which can be a big turn-off. What if this was a church newsletter? The two added paragraphs are longer, which I guess makes them a little more appropriate. The large invented details might clash with other text.
I was unaware of Claude.ai, so I created an account. Here is the result:
“Sure thing, Captain,” she called back. “Won’t be a minute!”
The other six members of the motley crew would be joining him soon, but for now, Nick stood alone, savoring a rare moment of solitude. He let his thoughts drift, reflecting on the strange and winding paths that had brought him here—to this point in space, surrounded by the vastness of the cosmos, sharing it all with his closest friends. His family.
They were finally free. Free to live on their own terms.
It hadn’t always been that way.
My evaluation: There is not much improvement. Again, with the small added paragraphs. I will have to give this some thought. Perhaps short paragraphs are now the rage. Here is the analysis:
Grammar score 100%
Style score 55%
Glue words (unnecessary words) 47%
Slow pacing 50%
Flesch Reading Ease 99.87
Gunning Fog Scale Leve 2.35
Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level 0.53
Dale-Chall Score 5.99
Here is the “more aggressive update” result:
“Sure thing, Captain!” she called back. “Won’t be a minute!”
Nick stood alone, savoring the solitude. Soon the other six would join him, but for now he had this—silence among the stars.
He let his thoughts drift. Strange how life had twisted and turned to bring him here. Floating in the vastness with his closest friends.
His family.
They were free now. Free to live on their own terms.
It hadn’t always been that way.
My evaluation: Better, but it reads choppy. It does not read AI-generated, but now there are six paragraphs wich is overkill. Here is what Gemini AI did:
“Sure thing, Captain,” she called back. “Won’t be a minute!”
The other six members of the motley crew would join him soon. For now, Nick stood alone, savoring a rare moment of solitude. His thoughts drifted, reflecting on the strange, winding paths that had brought him to this point: surrounded by the vastness of space, yet sharing it all with his closest friends. His family.
They were finally free—free to live on their own terms.
It hadn’t always been that way.
My evaluation: There is very little change, except for breaking it into four paragraphs. Here is the analysis:
Grammar score 100%
Style score 100%
Glue words (unnecessary words) 43%
Slow pacing 50%
Flesch Reading Ease 90.04
Gunning Fog Scale Leve 5.45
Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level 2.27
Dale-Chall Score 5.87
Some clear improvement in readability. Here is the “more aggressive update” result:
“Sure thing, Captain,” she called back. “Won’t be a minute!”
The rest of the crew—all six—would shatter this quiet soon enough. For now, Nick stood utterly alone, claiming a precious sliver of silence in the void. His mind plunged, unbidden, down the twisting, improbable spiral of choices and chances that had hurled him here: an infinitesimal speck adrift in the star-dusted abyss, yet anchored to meaning by his friends. His family.
They were free. Finally, fiercely free. Free to forge their own destiny.
Such liberty was a raw, intoxicating thing, almost too new to trust.
My evaluation: This is very similar to the ChatGPT text. It reads better, but it is clear that the AI generated it. Here is what Microsoft Copilot generated:
“Sure thing, Captain!” she called back. “Won’t be a minute!”
For now, Nick stood alone, relishing a rare moment of solitude. Soon, the other six members of their motley crew would join him, but in this brief interlude, he let his thoughts wander. He reflected on the long, twisting journey that had led him here—to this place among the stars, surrounded by the endless expanse of the cosmos, sharing it all with the people who mattered most. His closest friends. His family.
They were free at last. Free to live life on their own terms.
My evaluation: This reads more tightly and has a better flow. It combined the last two sentences into one paragraph, which I like, but added an exclamation point, which I do not. The three paragraphs seem to be a trend. Of all the updates, this was my favorite. Here is the analysis:
Grammar score 100%
Style score 100%
Glue words (unnecessary words) 46%
Slow pacing 33%
Flesch Reading Ease 88.83
Gunning Fog Scale Leve 5.32
Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level 2.36
Dale-Chall Score 6.57
Some improvement on readability. Here is the “more aggressive update” result:
“Sure thing, Captain!” she called back. “Won’t be a minute!”
Nick stood alone, relishing the rare quiet. Soon, the rest of the crew would join him, but for now, it was just him—adrift in the vastness of space, the stars stretching endlessly around him.
They had fought for this. Earned it.
Freedom.
It hadn’t always been that way.
My evaluation: This tightened things up, but I have never been a fan of one-word sentences or tiny paragraphs.
Here is the next paragraph. This time, I will skip the analysis.
“No, of course not. She told me about this place some time ago...before you and I... you know...and I thought it would be, well, fun to spend a few weeks in the early 2000 era. You have to admit, driving the car is exhilarating and these bed and breakfast places have been wonderful. I must tell you though; I didn’t know exactly how it would be. I suppose I took a chance...do you want to go someplace else?”
https://trekkiefanfiction.com/stories...
ChatGPT:
“No, of course not. She told me about this place a while ago—before you and I... well, you know—and I thought it might be fun to spend a few weeks in the early 2000s. You have to admit, driving the car is exhilarating, and these bed-and-breakfast places have been amazing. I’ll be honest, I wasn’t entirely sure what to expect. I guess I took a chance. So... do you want to go somewhere else?”
ChatGPT more aggressive update:
“No, of course not. She mentioned this place a while back—before things started between us—and I figured, why not? A few weeks in the early 2000s sounded like a blast. Come on, driving that car is a rush, and these bed-and-breakfasts have been incredible. I won’t lie—I didn’t know exactly what I was walking into, but I went for it. So, what do you say? Ready to move on, or are you still in?”
Deepseek:
“No, of course not. She told me about this place a while ago... before you and I... well, before everything. I thought it’d be fun to spend a few weeks in the early 2000s. You have to admit—driving that car is exhilarating, and these bed-and-breakfasts have been wonderful.
But I’ll be honest—I wasn’t sure how it’d turn out. I took a chance. If you’re not happy here... we can go somewhere else?”
Deepseek more aggressive update:
“Hell no. She told me about this dump before we got tangled up. Figured it’d be fun to time-jump to the f-ing 2000s - at least the car’s got some balls to it, and the beds are decent.
Look, I didn’t promise you paradise. I took a shot. If you’ve got a problem with it, spit it out. Otherwise quit whining and enjoy the ride, or we can bail right now.”
Note: I edited down the F-word in the above paragraph.
Claude.ai:
“No, of course not. She told me about this place some time ago—before you and I... you know—and I thought it would be fun to spend a few weeks in the early 2000s era. You have to admit, driving the car is exhilarating, and these bed and breakfast places have been wonderful. I must tell you though, I didn’t know exactly how it would be. I suppose I took a chance. Do you want to go someplace else?”
Claude.ai more aggressive update:
“No, of course not. She mentioned this place before we... before us. I thought it’d be fun—a few weeks in the early 2000s. The driving’s exhilarating, right? And these B&Bs have been wonderful. But honestly? I didn’t know what to expect. I took a gamble. Want to go somewhere else?”
Google Gemini:
“No, of course not. She told me about this place a while ago—before you and I... well, you know. I just thought it would be fun to spend a few weeks in the early 2000s. You have to admit, driving that car is exhilarating, and these bed and breakfasts have been wonderful. Honestly, though, I didn’t know exactly what to expect. I suppose I took a chance… Do you want to go somewhere else?”
Google Gemini more aggressive update:
“God, no. She told me about this place ages ago—way before we were a thing. My bright idea, right? A quick dip into the early 2000s, just for kicks. And this car is a blast, you can’t deny it. These B&Bs? Surprisingly sweet. But look, cards on the table: I didn’t really know what this would be. Total shot in the dark. So, if you hate it... seriously, we can pull the plug. Go somewhere else?”
Microsoft Copilot:
“No, of course not. She mentioned this place to me a while ago—before you and I… well, you know. I thought it would be fun to spend a few weeks in the early 2000s. You have to admit, driving that car is exhilarating, and these bed-and-breakfasts have been fantastic.
I’ll be honest—I didn’t know exactly what to expect. I suppose I took a chance.
Do you want to go somewhere else?”
Microsoft Copilot more aggressive update:
“No, of course not. She told me about this place a while ago—before you and I… well, you know. I thought it’d be exciting to spend a few weeks in the early 2000s.
Driving that car? Exhilarating. These bed-and-breakfasts? Fantastic.
The ChatGPT-generated results impressed me; they had a good flow and sounded natural. Wow, Deepseek had a serious potty mouth and desperately needs a “no profanity” setting. The result read raw, but I liked the first result. There are some good improvements.
The Claude.ai did not clean up much on the first pass, but the aggressive results showed good improvement. The aggressive results on Google Gemini read the best. Microsoft Copilot was the only one to break it up into three paragraphs, and then it combined them back in the aggressive update. Strange.
My conclusion is that using AI to clean up a document still has room for improvement, and no chat box stands out as a clear winner. Yes, there were improvements, but flaws were also introduced. This includes added concepts that may not make sense in other parts of the document, micro-paragraphs, swear words, a changed tone, and a clear AI fingerprint.
The universal use of micro-paragraphs deeply confused me.
Does.
Breaking.
A.
Thought.
Into.
Ten.
Paragraphs.
Help.
The.
Reader?
I am going to apply some noodle time to figure that one out. Stay tuned for a future article.
For now, I do not recommend cleaning up a document with AI because the results are too unpredictable. One would think that there would be at least some consistency among the top five chat boxes. All I asked for was to improve the readability, which, in my mind, should be equivalent to accepting all the changes from ProWritingAid, Hemingway, and Grammarly. I expected small but powerful changes. However, facts were added, which is far outside the realm of readability. I would have understood if I had asked the chatbot to make the document more exciting, dramatic, thrilling, romantic, or funny.
Still, I see the potential in augmenting a document with AI, and perhaps in five years, chat boxes will improve to the point where they will be powerful enough to help yet tame enough to trust. For now, I will stick with my trusty keyboard and a bonkers mind to polish my documents.
PS, funny side story. I always run my articles through ProWritingAid and Grammarly. They had many suggested improvements for the AI-generated work, which I did not accept but found amusing that state-of-the-art AI still has grammar issues. And the original two paragraphs? Many suggestions…
You’re the best -Bill
June 04, 2025
May 28, 2025
Do I Encourage People to Write a Book?
My friends were all surprised to learn I had published a fictional book. This makes sense because I’m not a highly creative person. So, we get to talking, and they often comment, “Hey, I have an idea. Do you think I should write a book?” My answer falls into two categories.
If the person does not want to make money on their project, I tell them to have a blast. Writing is entertaining, engaging, therapeutic, skill-building, confidence-building, and a great outlet; it is also easy to self-publish. The result? People have written an endless number of outstanding books, but they have never made a dime. That is fine because they went into the project without any expectations. The important thing is they had fun and created something that will last a lifetime.
If the person wants to make money, my answer is vastly different. I tell them the road to success will be extremely difficult. In fact, I have coined a phrase, “Being an author is 99% self-promotion and 1% other.” This was a harsh lesson.
What is going on? I have read stunning books that got no attention and trashy junk loaded with typos that sold over a million copies. The difference? It boils down to the amount of effort the author puts into promoting their book.
Yet, that is not the entire story (a book pun). A few key ingredients are required to make a profit. Besides having a bubbly online personality, they need to have existing online followers. Secondly, they need to have a concept that is new or radically different from existing works. For example, there are thousands of romance authors and even more titles. Breaking into that competitive field with a traditional story will be challenging.
Next, funds are necessary to hire a good editor, a cover designer, and a formatter. Note: Locating talented people in these areas will be difficult. Yes, this was and still is a difficult and expensive lesson.
Assuming all the necessary ingredients are present, the author has written a good book, the money has been paid to polish/present it, and the author has the personality to promote it, then we are good. Right? No, I do not recommend publishing for profit because, even with a flawless book, the chances of success are too low.
This is not the fault of the author. What has happened is that society has undergone significant changes. Why would a kid read Harry Potter when they can watch the movie? The book market has been shrinking for many years, but the number of new books is increasing. This is a heartless numbers game that stops new authors dead in their tracks, punishes existing authors, and somehow rewards deceased authors. That last part is utterly baffling.
Is this bad? A good book deserves a chance. It is a tragedy that so many fantastic books lack even a single review. So yes, my negative opinion is awful, and I should be encouraging new authors all day long.
Am I being harsh or bitter about my marketing failure? Obviously, many successful authors have figured something out. So yes, I am bitter. I have invested a significant amount of effort in marketing, and this article is a testament to that. I try and try, but success evades me.
Am I being delusional? Perhaps I wrote awful books, and the public hates me. This is certainly a possibility, but I have read numerous articles by authors, publishers, retailers, marketing experts, and insiders that conclude the chances of success for a new author are slim, and the future is bleak.
Still, I have enjoyed the experience, but I now write for fun. (Yes, I still pay editors, proofreaders, and formatters, but that is another painful topic.) My publishing endeavors have allowed me to meet fellow authors, learn new skills, and overall, it has been a positive experience. However, this positive experience does not change my opinion. Publishing is not for the meek. Profit is a microscopic worm hiding under a rock in a vast forest full of starving bears and haters with ten lifetimes of too much time on their hands who only have the goal of writing bad reviews for books they have never read.
You’re the best -Bill
May 28, 2025
If the person does not want to make money on their project, I tell them to have a blast. Writing is entertaining, engaging, therapeutic, skill-building, confidence-building, and a great outlet; it is also easy to self-publish. The result? People have written an endless number of outstanding books, but they have never made a dime. That is fine because they went into the project without any expectations. The important thing is they had fun and created something that will last a lifetime.
If the person wants to make money, my answer is vastly different. I tell them the road to success will be extremely difficult. In fact, I have coined a phrase, “Being an author is 99% self-promotion and 1% other.” This was a harsh lesson.
What is going on? I have read stunning books that got no attention and trashy junk loaded with typos that sold over a million copies. The difference? It boils down to the amount of effort the author puts into promoting their book.
Yet, that is not the entire story (a book pun). A few key ingredients are required to make a profit. Besides having a bubbly online personality, they need to have existing online followers. Secondly, they need to have a concept that is new or radically different from existing works. For example, there are thousands of romance authors and even more titles. Breaking into that competitive field with a traditional story will be challenging.
Next, funds are necessary to hire a good editor, a cover designer, and a formatter. Note: Locating talented people in these areas will be difficult. Yes, this was and still is a difficult and expensive lesson.
Assuming all the necessary ingredients are present, the author has written a good book, the money has been paid to polish/present it, and the author has the personality to promote it, then we are good. Right? No, I do not recommend publishing for profit because, even with a flawless book, the chances of success are too low.
This is not the fault of the author. What has happened is that society has undergone significant changes. Why would a kid read Harry Potter when they can watch the movie? The book market has been shrinking for many years, but the number of new books is increasing. This is a heartless numbers game that stops new authors dead in their tracks, punishes existing authors, and somehow rewards deceased authors. That last part is utterly baffling.
Is this bad? A good book deserves a chance. It is a tragedy that so many fantastic books lack even a single review. So yes, my negative opinion is awful, and I should be encouraging new authors all day long.
Am I being harsh or bitter about my marketing failure? Obviously, many successful authors have figured something out. So yes, I am bitter. I have invested a significant amount of effort in marketing, and this article is a testament to that. I try and try, but success evades me.
Am I being delusional? Perhaps I wrote awful books, and the public hates me. This is certainly a possibility, but I have read numerous articles by authors, publishers, retailers, marketing experts, and insiders that conclude the chances of success for a new author are slim, and the future is bleak.
Still, I have enjoyed the experience, but I now write for fun. (Yes, I still pay editors, proofreaders, and formatters, but that is another painful topic.) My publishing endeavors have allowed me to meet fellow authors, learn new skills, and overall, it has been a positive experience. However, this positive experience does not change my opinion. Publishing is not for the meek. Profit is a microscopic worm hiding under a rock in a vast forest full of starving bears and haters with ten lifetimes of too much time on their hands who only have the goal of writing bad reviews for books they have never read.
You’re the best -Bill
May 28, 2025
May 21, 2025
Pantsing Versus Plotting
I am not afraid to admit that I do not know everything. In fact, in many areas, I have zero knowledge. Quantum Mechanics? I would not even know where to start. Elephant anatomy? Umm… That’s a mammal. Did I get that right? Yet, in some areas, I do humbly admit that my knowledge base is proficient, and I even claim to be an expert in narrow electrical engineering topics.
I decided to start writing books in 2016, and have learned a great deal along the way, but like all fields, there is always more. Still, I was a little shocked to discover a new writing term, “pantsing.” It means writing by the seat of your pants, sometimes called “discovery writing.” Take an idea and begin! Write a story about a blue pony or a one-armed boxer. How about a romance set in 1800? All a writer needs is a pencil and paper.
While a new term, I have tried pantsing and failed miserably. The one-armed boxer entered the boxing ring and… Had a cup of tea? Yeah, I have nothing. This is because I do not have the mental skillset to begin writing suddenly. Instead, my preferred method is called plotting, which means working long hours to expand an initial idea. My first book took over ten years of mental effort, and I have since streamlined this process to six months of “noodling” and a year of outline work to firm up a plot to the point where I feel confident to write.
What is the advantage of pantsing? It is fun, easy, rewarding, and raw. The raw part is the big difference from the reader’s perspective. But I need to take a step back. How on earth would I know the first thing about pantsing? It turns out that I have a secret weapon. Five years ago, I (online) met a fellow author who pantsed all her books. We often speak about her development process, plots, and writing ability.
And the result? Fantastic! I have read all her books cover to cover. They contain outstanding plots, bold characters, and detailed dialogue. But… What about story structure and all those fancy literary ingredients? Her stories do not fit the traditional mold, but that does not detract from their quality.
What are the standard structures? Many include rags to riches, buddy comedy, three/five-act play, or forbidden love. My friend’s stories have events surrounding the central characters. Yet, she is a talented writer, and her books have a distinct beginning, middle, and end.
https://www.amazon.com/stores/Emily-R...
One could argue that her lack of structure upsets some readers, but I would argue that our daily lives do not have structure. When I wake up, I kind of have a plan for my day, but random events shake things up.
For example, last week in my quiet neighborhood, an unstable homeowner threatened a gardener who called the police. That event was the first story in the evening news, and I certainly could not have anticipated it. Readers relate to real-life events because they occur daily, meaning our lives do not follow the classic five-act play.
Still, I wish I could pants up a story. Let me tell you what my blue pony got up to today… Oh well, that’s life. Everybody gets something unique, and I missed riding the pantsing train.
You’re the best -Bill
May 21, 2025
I decided to start writing books in 2016, and have learned a great deal along the way, but like all fields, there is always more. Still, I was a little shocked to discover a new writing term, “pantsing.” It means writing by the seat of your pants, sometimes called “discovery writing.” Take an idea and begin! Write a story about a blue pony or a one-armed boxer. How about a romance set in 1800? All a writer needs is a pencil and paper.
While a new term, I have tried pantsing and failed miserably. The one-armed boxer entered the boxing ring and… Had a cup of tea? Yeah, I have nothing. This is because I do not have the mental skillset to begin writing suddenly. Instead, my preferred method is called plotting, which means working long hours to expand an initial idea. My first book took over ten years of mental effort, and I have since streamlined this process to six months of “noodling” and a year of outline work to firm up a plot to the point where I feel confident to write.
What is the advantage of pantsing? It is fun, easy, rewarding, and raw. The raw part is the big difference from the reader’s perspective. But I need to take a step back. How on earth would I know the first thing about pantsing? It turns out that I have a secret weapon. Five years ago, I (online) met a fellow author who pantsed all her books. We often speak about her development process, plots, and writing ability.
And the result? Fantastic! I have read all her books cover to cover. They contain outstanding plots, bold characters, and detailed dialogue. But… What about story structure and all those fancy literary ingredients? Her stories do not fit the traditional mold, but that does not detract from their quality.
What are the standard structures? Many include rags to riches, buddy comedy, three/five-act play, or forbidden love. My friend’s stories have events surrounding the central characters. Yet, she is a talented writer, and her books have a distinct beginning, middle, and end.
https://www.amazon.com/stores/Emily-R...
One could argue that her lack of structure upsets some readers, but I would argue that our daily lives do not have structure. When I wake up, I kind of have a plan for my day, but random events shake things up.
For example, last week in my quiet neighborhood, an unstable homeowner threatened a gardener who called the police. That event was the first story in the evening news, and I certainly could not have anticipated it. Readers relate to real-life events because they occur daily, meaning our lives do not follow the classic five-act play.
Still, I wish I could pants up a story. Let me tell you what my blue pony got up to today… Oh well, that’s life. Everybody gets something unique, and I missed riding the pantsing train.
You’re the best -Bill
May 21, 2025
May 14, 2025
The Heroic Journey
I was having dinner with friends last week, and the topic of books came up. We discussed The Hobbit by J. R. R. Tolkien, and one friend casually mentioned, “A classic heroic journey.” They all joined in the discussion, including how closely it followed this classic story structure, except for me. I remained silent because I had no idea what they were talking about.
My friends are not writers, yet they all know something fundamental about writing that I was completely unaware of. Late that evening, I looked up the topic and learned all about it.
In essence, the heroic journey is when the main character has personal growth, transformation, and adventure. Some movies with this structure include Star Wars, Harry Potter, The Lion King, The Lord of the Rings, The Matrix, and The Wizard of Oz.
Note that this is not only an action story. A romance, spy novel, mystery, or documentary can follow this pattern. Other story types include rags to riches, quest, buddy comedy, mystery, superhero, three/five-act, cyclical, tragedy, voyage, rebirth, and forbidden love.
Why is it essential to have a story structure? Readers need distinct elements to maintain interest. A heroic journey is a timeless structure that begins with a solid foundation and grows into something bigger. Without structure, the story is not a story but events strung together.
How have I used the heroic journey? Well… Since I only learned about it last week, not much. Initially, my process was far from any structure because I never intended to write a book. Instead, I thought about stories to amuse myself. One fun day of unemployment inspired me to write up my thoughts.
Of course, this development method had significant issues, and I spent months self-editing, making beta reader changes, and working with three editors. The result was a more structured story that read far better than my first draft.
Since then, I have entirely embraced outlines as my story development tool. A big part of my process is to examine the transitions. I group the elements to form a clear beginning, middle, and end. Of the books I have written, two books partially followed the heroic journey structure.
My upcoming three books are in the outline stage, and for this article, I have reviewed the structure to see how the heroic journey structure might fit. I was surprised that one had several elements that indeed fit. So, I began tweaking the outline to shore up the transformation section. While the plot did not change, there was an improvement in this section that readers will appreciate. So, this casual dinner conversation led to a writing improvement. Nice.
So… Why should you care? I have learned to observe everything possible and apply what improves my life. What does not enhance, I discard. The heroic journey is a perfect example of a knowledge gem that will help my writing. Thus, if this knowledge helps you, wonderful. f not, I hope you found my chaotic discovery of this thousand-year-old literary technique amusing. Yet, I did find an unexpected benefit.
Now, I see the story structure when I watch a movie like The Matrix (for about the 20th time). Knowing this secret will make the film more enjoyable. I will watch it for the twenty-first time to confirm my suspicion.
https://www.storyboardthat.com/articl...
You’re the best -Bill
May 14, 2025
My friends are not writers, yet they all know something fundamental about writing that I was completely unaware of. Late that evening, I looked up the topic and learned all about it.
In essence, the heroic journey is when the main character has personal growth, transformation, and adventure. Some movies with this structure include Star Wars, Harry Potter, The Lion King, The Lord of the Rings, The Matrix, and The Wizard of Oz.
Note that this is not only an action story. A romance, spy novel, mystery, or documentary can follow this pattern. Other story types include rags to riches, quest, buddy comedy, mystery, superhero, three/five-act, cyclical, tragedy, voyage, rebirth, and forbidden love.
Why is it essential to have a story structure? Readers need distinct elements to maintain interest. A heroic journey is a timeless structure that begins with a solid foundation and grows into something bigger. Without structure, the story is not a story but events strung together.
How have I used the heroic journey? Well… Since I only learned about it last week, not much. Initially, my process was far from any structure because I never intended to write a book. Instead, I thought about stories to amuse myself. One fun day of unemployment inspired me to write up my thoughts.
Of course, this development method had significant issues, and I spent months self-editing, making beta reader changes, and working with three editors. The result was a more structured story that read far better than my first draft.
Since then, I have entirely embraced outlines as my story development tool. A big part of my process is to examine the transitions. I group the elements to form a clear beginning, middle, and end. Of the books I have written, two books partially followed the heroic journey structure.
My upcoming three books are in the outline stage, and for this article, I have reviewed the structure to see how the heroic journey structure might fit. I was surprised that one had several elements that indeed fit. So, I began tweaking the outline to shore up the transformation section. While the plot did not change, there was an improvement in this section that readers will appreciate. So, this casual dinner conversation led to a writing improvement. Nice.
So… Why should you care? I have learned to observe everything possible and apply what improves my life. What does not enhance, I discard. The heroic journey is a perfect example of a knowledge gem that will help my writing. Thus, if this knowledge helps you, wonderful. f not, I hope you found my chaotic discovery of this thousand-year-old literary technique amusing. Yet, I did find an unexpected benefit.
Now, I see the story structure when I watch a movie like The Matrix (for about the 20th time). Knowing this secret will make the film more enjoyable. I will watch it for the twenty-first time to confirm my suspicion.
https://www.storyboardthat.com/articl...
You’re the best -Bill
May 14, 2025
May 7, 2025
My Doddering Deposition Dialogue
In 2021, I witnessed a car accident and gave a deposition two weeks ago. In case you have never had the pleasure, this is when the plaintiff and defense attorney sit you in front of a video camera with a court reporter. They take turns pummeling you with questions while doing their best to get the answer that helps their side. It felt like I was a piece of rope that two dogs were fighting over.
I answered all their questions to the best of my ability and was happy when it was over. A few days later, they sent me a copy of my transcript to review, and when I looked it over, the court reporter perfectly captured my words. Yay?
Now, I must take a quick side track. I claim to be an author, meaning I should have basic English language skills that extend to my daily speech. Right? It turns out this is not so. My deposition contained junk words, bad grammar, tangents, and wildly incoherent thoughts. What a mess. So, I thought it would be fun to take a trip down the awful dialogue lane.
“So that has nothing to do with – with -- what happened. I’m just clarifying what -- what I’m seeing.”
“No. I -- I -- um, no. I’m -- I’m thinking of jury duty. Sorry.”
“The -- the speeding car went into the Sheriff’s car. So, I mean, they – they both impacted, they were both moving at the time of -- of the accident”
“By the time the -- the -- that I was able to get through traffic and park, people had run over, and they were crowding that area.”
“The -- the parking lot is here, that’s another circle with an ‘X’, and -- and I walked over and watched and -- and waited for the police officer -- or -- or a free police officer that I could attract their attention.”
“The -- the -- the car that was speeding, I believe it was black, I believe it was an SUV, the exact type I’m really not sure.”
“I don’t remember if he gave me his business card or whatever, and I think later on they called me and I said, Hey, I -- I don’t have that. And they’re like, Hey, bring down what you do have and give it to this person.”
“I -- you -- you know, you -- we have to be fair and you’re correct. I am not sure if he began the issue -- incident here or if he was here.”
“It was kinda just like in the movies, you know. It’s not something you expect to see in real life, but, yeah, you know.”
“So what happened was the -- the light here had changed, so that’s going this direction; that that’s permitting traffic to flow.”
“So, I mean, they – they both impacted, they were both moving at the time of -- of the accident.”
“The Plaintiff called me, what, four or five weeks ago, I’m not sure how long ago, and said, Hey, you know, heard you had video. And -- and so I -- I described what we said today, but in -- in much less detail.”
“I don’t remember if he gave me his business card or whatever, and I think later on they called me and I said, Hey, I -- I don’t have that. And they’re like, Hey, bring down what you do have and give it to this person.”
These quotes read like I spoke with a mouth full of rocks. Hey, was it obvious, like I live in like, California and stuff? What was up with “the -- the – the?” Does my mouth work like a 70s car that does not turn off? Ka-chunka, ka-chunka, ka-chunka.
To top this off, I strive to speak well, and on that day, I put in great effort to be as clear as possible. This was not a lazy conversation with friends; I was actively doing my best to speak clearly. That makes my rabble even worse. Of course, I know humans do not have grammatically perfect speech, but I expected better.
Should writers and scriptwriters study depositions to create realistic dialogue? Take this mess: “It was kinda just like in the movies, you know. It’s not something you expect to see in real life, but, yeah, you know.” My corrected version would read: “What I witnessed was unreal, as if I watched a movie.” It now makes sense, but the two are far apart.
The problem is that readers are unwilling to accept my natural speech because it is too uncoordinated. Thus, I do not recommend writers get near a deposition for inspiration because this “resource” would do more harm than good.
Taking a high-level view, my deposition was not as bad as it could have been. I certainly have witnessed my share of poorly spoken English. Still, this was a wake-up call that my verbal skills require improvement.
You’re the best -Bill
May 07, 2025
Hey, book lovers, I published four. Please check them out:
Interviewing Immortality. A dramatic first-person psychological thriller that weaves a tale of intrigue, suspense, and self-confrontation.
Pushed to the Edge of Survival. A drama, romance, and science fiction story about two unlikely people surviving a shipwreck and living with the consequences.
Cable Ties. A slow-burn political thriller that reflects the realities of modern intelligence, law enforcement, department cooperation, and international politics.
Saving Immortality. Continuing in the first-person psychological thriller genre, James Kimble searches for his former captor to answer his life’s questions.
These books are available in softcover on Amazon and in eBook format everywhere.
I answered all their questions to the best of my ability and was happy when it was over. A few days later, they sent me a copy of my transcript to review, and when I looked it over, the court reporter perfectly captured my words. Yay?
Now, I must take a quick side track. I claim to be an author, meaning I should have basic English language skills that extend to my daily speech. Right? It turns out this is not so. My deposition contained junk words, bad grammar, tangents, and wildly incoherent thoughts. What a mess. So, I thought it would be fun to take a trip down the awful dialogue lane.
“So that has nothing to do with – with -- what happened. I’m just clarifying what -- what I’m seeing.”
“No. I -- I -- um, no. I’m -- I’m thinking of jury duty. Sorry.”
“The -- the speeding car went into the Sheriff’s car. So, I mean, they – they both impacted, they were both moving at the time of -- of the accident”
“By the time the -- the -- that I was able to get through traffic and park, people had run over, and they were crowding that area.”
“The -- the parking lot is here, that’s another circle with an ‘X’, and -- and I walked over and watched and -- and waited for the police officer -- or -- or a free police officer that I could attract their attention.”
“The -- the -- the car that was speeding, I believe it was black, I believe it was an SUV, the exact type I’m really not sure.”
“I don’t remember if he gave me his business card or whatever, and I think later on they called me and I said, Hey, I -- I don’t have that. And they’re like, Hey, bring down what you do have and give it to this person.”
“I -- you -- you know, you -- we have to be fair and you’re correct. I am not sure if he began the issue -- incident here or if he was here.”
“It was kinda just like in the movies, you know. It’s not something you expect to see in real life, but, yeah, you know.”
“So what happened was the -- the light here had changed, so that’s going this direction; that that’s permitting traffic to flow.”
“So, I mean, they – they both impacted, they were both moving at the time of -- of the accident.”
“The Plaintiff called me, what, four or five weeks ago, I’m not sure how long ago, and said, Hey, you know, heard you had video. And -- and so I -- I described what we said today, but in -- in much less detail.”
“I don’t remember if he gave me his business card or whatever, and I think later on they called me and I said, Hey, I -- I don’t have that. And they’re like, Hey, bring down what you do have and give it to this person.”
These quotes read like I spoke with a mouth full of rocks. Hey, was it obvious, like I live in like, California and stuff? What was up with “the -- the – the?” Does my mouth work like a 70s car that does not turn off? Ka-chunka, ka-chunka, ka-chunka.
To top this off, I strive to speak well, and on that day, I put in great effort to be as clear as possible. This was not a lazy conversation with friends; I was actively doing my best to speak clearly. That makes my rabble even worse. Of course, I know humans do not have grammatically perfect speech, but I expected better.
Should writers and scriptwriters study depositions to create realistic dialogue? Take this mess: “It was kinda just like in the movies, you know. It’s not something you expect to see in real life, but, yeah, you know.” My corrected version would read: “What I witnessed was unreal, as if I watched a movie.” It now makes sense, but the two are far apart.
The problem is that readers are unwilling to accept my natural speech because it is too uncoordinated. Thus, I do not recommend writers get near a deposition for inspiration because this “resource” would do more harm than good.
Taking a high-level view, my deposition was not as bad as it could have been. I certainly have witnessed my share of poorly spoken English. Still, this was a wake-up call that my verbal skills require improvement.
You’re the best -Bill
May 07, 2025
Hey, book lovers, I published four. Please check them out:
Interviewing Immortality. A dramatic first-person psychological thriller that weaves a tale of intrigue, suspense, and self-confrontation.
Pushed to the Edge of Survival. A drama, romance, and science fiction story about two unlikely people surviving a shipwreck and living with the consequences.
Cable Ties. A slow-burn political thriller that reflects the realities of modern intelligence, law enforcement, department cooperation, and international politics.
Saving Immortality. Continuing in the first-person psychological thriller genre, James Kimble searches for his former captor to answer his life’s questions.
These books are available in softcover on Amazon and in eBook format everywhere.
April 30, 2025
Covid: The Story
Back in 2021, I was having a typical day. I drove to Harbor Freight to buy an air-fitting and was on my way home while listening to the podcast The Dollop. As I absently waited at a stoplight, I noticed a police car. Suddenly, a car blew a red light, and the officer turned on his lights/siren. As he headed into the intersection, another vehicle arrived at high speed. The two collided, sending the speeding car tumbling, and a kid flew out. It was just like the movies.
As people came to the aid of the wrecked car, I realized I had a dash camera. So, I pulled into a nearby Walgreens parking lot and waited for the other police to arrive. When the police controlled the situation, I flagged down an officer and told him about the video and what I witnessed. He asked me to give him a copy, which I provided it the next day. Then, silence until four weeks ago.
A private investigator called me and asked if I still had the video. I had long since deleted it, which disappointed him. He said there was a lawsuit and asked me to describe what I recalled. There was a long pause when I told him about seeing the kid flying out of the car. Yeah, I knew I would have to testify. So, on Monday, I found myself in a conference room before a video camera and told my story. They had lots of back-and-forth questions and then the big shocker. They had me on video with the officer with whom I spoke.
I have seen myself on video many times, but this was not a Christmas video or work event. No, this was me describing what he had seen in detail. My first thought was, “Man, I loved that shirt.” It was a Dr. Who phone booth with a British flag. So cool. Then, my thoughts turned to amusement as I saw myself in a face mask. After my report, we did a “virtual fist bump” instead of a handshake. So typical of 2021.
Now, I must pivot. “He had a thousand-yard stare.” Do you know what I am referring to? The soldiers returning from Vietnam were subjected to intense action, affecting their mental state. Often, people would talk to them, and it was as if the veterans were staring ahead of them as if they could see the future. What was it like to talk to one of these veterans? I do not know because I was five years old when the Vietnam War ended. So, the only way I can answer this is to ask people who were adults during this time.
My point is that I do not have any direct experience with the thousand-yard stare, but I do with Covid. I hope that my daughter will have a child, and that child will ask me about what it was like during Covid. It will be fun describing all the craziness, but what will be important is that my description will come directly from my experiences. And this brings up the point of this article.
I can write an accurate character interaction during Covid, but not about that “thousand-yard stare.” My only option is to read about the subject or ask a Vietnam veteran. Does the thousand-yard stare exist? Or did a bunch of people make it up? I cannot say for sure.
Well… Did we do fist bumps instead of shaking hands? How about those masks? Did we wear them in public? They look somewhat dorky. People might think that a bunch of people wearing masks is not true. Yet, I was there, and everybody wore masks.
And while I have not read a book or seen a movie set in the Covid time, I think this would make for a great story. How many movies were set in the 70s? Disco, fly collars, bell bottoms, 8-Track players, and all that chest hair. Yet… No deaths, fake news, travel bans, quarantines, or running out of toilet paper. Looking back, not a lot happened in the 70s compared to Covid.
Here is another example. My daughter graduated from Junior High School right in the middle of Covid. Long before graduation, they were conducting virtual classrooms. How did gym work? They had gym class, and the coach made them exercise on camera. Homework, school projects, and group projects? All over the computer. How well did that work? Yeah… Not well.
Her graduation was crazy. We were instructed to arrive in a thirty-minute window and not leave our car. At the first stop, a person was masked and gloved up. She checked in my daughter’s textbooks. Then, we drove to the second stop, where we settled her school credit account. At the third stop, we filled out paperwork and were handed a diploma. In total, eight minutes. How insane is that? There was a dump truck full of story material in my hum-drum life.
Do you remember when they first allowed the vaccine, and there were lines of old people stretching for miles? Drive up Covid testing? X’s on sidewalks telling you where to stand? Only 20 customers are allowed in the store. No exceptions!
Yet… I have not seen one book or movie set in this time frame. Yet, I have seen or read WWII/Korean/Vietnam/Gulf War/Afghanistan stories released during those tragic events. Sure, a few television shows have been adapted to current events, but other than a hastily created documentary, there are no big Covid movies or books. Well, what’s going on?
I have a few theories. First, people wearing masks would not be visually pleasing, so a movie or television show would be difficult. Second, it was a depressing time instead of an exciting or controversial one. Third, many poor decisions would not make for a good story. Fourth, there was not much action. Instead, we spent lots of time at home. Fifth, the circumstances are still too new, meaning that the events are fresh in our minds.
I think by 2030, society will be ready for Covid stories. How about a Covid romance? A kid is going stir-crazy and sneaks out of the house to do something exciting. Many people passed away (including my father’s sister), which is always good story material. And who could forget the secret government coverup? It is all there. All we need is a title. Covid II, the reckoning!
You’re the best -Bill
April 30, 2025
As people came to the aid of the wrecked car, I realized I had a dash camera. So, I pulled into a nearby Walgreens parking lot and waited for the other police to arrive. When the police controlled the situation, I flagged down an officer and told him about the video and what I witnessed. He asked me to give him a copy, which I provided it the next day. Then, silence until four weeks ago.
A private investigator called me and asked if I still had the video. I had long since deleted it, which disappointed him. He said there was a lawsuit and asked me to describe what I recalled. There was a long pause when I told him about seeing the kid flying out of the car. Yeah, I knew I would have to testify. So, on Monday, I found myself in a conference room before a video camera and told my story. They had lots of back-and-forth questions and then the big shocker. They had me on video with the officer with whom I spoke.
I have seen myself on video many times, but this was not a Christmas video or work event. No, this was me describing what he had seen in detail. My first thought was, “Man, I loved that shirt.” It was a Dr. Who phone booth with a British flag. So cool. Then, my thoughts turned to amusement as I saw myself in a face mask. After my report, we did a “virtual fist bump” instead of a handshake. So typical of 2021.
Now, I must pivot. “He had a thousand-yard stare.” Do you know what I am referring to? The soldiers returning from Vietnam were subjected to intense action, affecting their mental state. Often, people would talk to them, and it was as if the veterans were staring ahead of them as if they could see the future. What was it like to talk to one of these veterans? I do not know because I was five years old when the Vietnam War ended. So, the only way I can answer this is to ask people who were adults during this time.
My point is that I do not have any direct experience with the thousand-yard stare, but I do with Covid. I hope that my daughter will have a child, and that child will ask me about what it was like during Covid. It will be fun describing all the craziness, but what will be important is that my description will come directly from my experiences. And this brings up the point of this article.
I can write an accurate character interaction during Covid, but not about that “thousand-yard stare.” My only option is to read about the subject or ask a Vietnam veteran. Does the thousand-yard stare exist? Or did a bunch of people make it up? I cannot say for sure.
Well… Did we do fist bumps instead of shaking hands? How about those masks? Did we wear them in public? They look somewhat dorky. People might think that a bunch of people wearing masks is not true. Yet, I was there, and everybody wore masks.
And while I have not read a book or seen a movie set in the Covid time, I think this would make for a great story. How many movies were set in the 70s? Disco, fly collars, bell bottoms, 8-Track players, and all that chest hair. Yet… No deaths, fake news, travel bans, quarantines, or running out of toilet paper. Looking back, not a lot happened in the 70s compared to Covid.
Here is another example. My daughter graduated from Junior High School right in the middle of Covid. Long before graduation, they were conducting virtual classrooms. How did gym work? They had gym class, and the coach made them exercise on camera. Homework, school projects, and group projects? All over the computer. How well did that work? Yeah… Not well.
Her graduation was crazy. We were instructed to arrive in a thirty-minute window and not leave our car. At the first stop, a person was masked and gloved up. She checked in my daughter’s textbooks. Then, we drove to the second stop, where we settled her school credit account. At the third stop, we filled out paperwork and were handed a diploma. In total, eight minutes. How insane is that? There was a dump truck full of story material in my hum-drum life.
Do you remember when they first allowed the vaccine, and there were lines of old people stretching for miles? Drive up Covid testing? X’s on sidewalks telling you where to stand? Only 20 customers are allowed in the store. No exceptions!
Yet… I have not seen one book or movie set in this time frame. Yet, I have seen or read WWII/Korean/Vietnam/Gulf War/Afghanistan stories released during those tragic events. Sure, a few television shows have been adapted to current events, but other than a hastily created documentary, there are no big Covid movies or books. Well, what’s going on?
I have a few theories. First, people wearing masks would not be visually pleasing, so a movie or television show would be difficult. Second, it was a depressing time instead of an exciting or controversial one. Third, many poor decisions would not make for a good story. Fourth, there was not much action. Instead, we spent lots of time at home. Fifth, the circumstances are still too new, meaning that the events are fresh in our minds.
I think by 2030, society will be ready for Covid stories. How about a Covid romance? A kid is going stir-crazy and sneaks out of the house to do something exciting. Many people passed away (including my father’s sister), which is always good story material. And who could forget the secret government coverup? It is all there. All we need is a title. Covid II, the reckoning!
You’re the best -Bill
April 30, 2025
