Page Turner's Blog, page 89

You’re Not the Best at Explaining Who You Are. I’m Not the Most Observant Person. Somehow We Make It Work.

Ten years into my relationship with you, I’m still learning new things about you every day.

The optimist in me wants to say that this is a good sign. To say that this is how things should be.

Like a friend of mine used to say, we’re always growing and changing.  » Read more

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Home Isn’t About Where You Are. It’s About Having Backup.

I get up at 2 am to get ready to leave the house for the last time. Caffeinate. Take a shower. Turn the hot water heater to away setting, throw away the shower curtains and the last threadbare bath towel.

I make sure every window is shut and locked. That every light is turned off.  » Read more

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Are There Situations Where Too Much Support Can Be Worse Than a Lack of It?

I remember the first time I heard the term “secondary gain.”

I was transcribing charts for a large hospital system. I had recently transitioned to a floating role, where I had a primary hospital account I worked for but had been considered flexible and capable enough to work basically anywhere. To cover other people’s time off.  » Read more

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Fight, Flight, Freeze… Fawn?: Responding to Danger by Becoming a People Pleaser

Many long-time readers of the blog know that I identify as a recovering people pleaser. It’s been a long road to recovery, bolstered by an excellent support system and a round of assertiveness therapy several years back.

Growing up under the thumb of a difficult mercurial parent, I learned early on how to anticipate her needs and accommodate them,  » Read more

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Uneven Emotional Labor Is Like When Someone Is Hogging the Controller But Won’t Admit It

I grew up in a pretty busy house, one of four children.

And while we were fortunate that our parents brought us home a Nintendo Entertainment System in the 80s (complete with a zapper light gun and a running pad for the track and field game), we were unfortunate in another way:

We had to share it.  » Read more

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When You Treat Every Conversation Like It Could Be Your Last

It doesn’t matter whether she talks to him for ten seconds or two hours. My mother always says, “I love you,” before she says goodbye to my father any time they talk on the phone.

And she did it every morning before he left to drive to work. She said, “I love you,”  » Read more

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Does Modern Technology Make Separation Easier… or Harder?

I’ve spent the past few months separated from my nesting partner as he’s relocated to take a new job in Texas, and I’ve been staying mostly in Ohio to sell our old house and wrap up loose ends (traveling occasionally to Texas to help him with logistics).

And while it’s only temporary, how temporary it will be has been up in the air for weeks,  » Read more

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Sometimes Polyamory Means Sweet Goodbyes and Hurrying Back

Today’s piece is a guest blog post from Fluffy, an academic in-training, who is studying organizational behavior in hopes of making the world a better place.

Fluffy is a frequent contributor to Poly Land. Their regular blog is Eclectic Discourse (where pith goes to die; in-depth looks at awkward topics).

Here’s what they wrote for us today:

Goodbyes and Sweetness

I held their face in my hands as we kissed,  » Read more

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You Can’t Just Layer Positivity Over a Bad Situation and Call It Good

My grandma once told me that if you’re sad that you should just put on bright lipstick and smile.

Her reasoning was more about self-protection than anything else. She said that people would be too busy looking at your lipstick to notice your sadness.

And so you’d avoid the most dreadful states of all: Pity.  » Read more

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Cheerleader Effect, or People Are More Attractive in Groups

It all stems from a joke on the TV show How I Met Your Mother. Character Barney Stinson points out that when women sit in groups that they all seem more attractive than if they were sitting alone. He calls this the Cheerleader Effect and likens it to how a squad of cheerleaders look gorgeous mid-routine but comparatively plain Jane alone.  » Read more

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