Page Turner's Blog, page 76

You’re Likely to Weight Your Introduction to Something Far More Than You Should

It can be kind of annoying sometimes, and humbling, but the truth is that the human brain is calibrated for speed, not accuracy.

It makes sense when you think of it from an evolutionary perspective. Snap decisions are crucial in survival settings. If you’re being chased by a predator, it’s more important that you react quickly.  » Read more

The post You’re Likely to Weight Your Introduction to Something Far More Than You Should appeared first on Poly.Land.

Confessions of a Recovering People Pleaser: I Didn’t Want to Change

As I’ve written many times, I’m a recovering people pleaser.

On confident days, I find myself venturing the idea that I am a recovered people pleaser. But then I decide that’s how they get you. You get complacent and assume you are forever changed, and then you’re slipping back into the old ways.  » Read more

The post Confessions of a Recovering People Pleaser: I Didn’t Want to Change appeared first on Poly.Land.

Exploring the Kink Scene Was Healthy for Me — and Boy, Did I Ever Resent That

Over a decade ago, I plunged onto the kink scene. Once I make up my mind to pursue something, I let go exuberantly, some might say recklessly.

I tend to be rather cautious when I’m considering doing something new. I’m known to research and interview people and to spend quite a while thinking over the issues in question before pursuing it.  » Read more

The post Exploring the Kink Scene Was Healthy for Me — and Boy, Did I Ever Resent That appeared first on Poly.Land.

I Don’t Want Blind Loyalty

“Aren’t you upset?” they said “Don’t you expect your friend to take your side?”

I shook my head no. “No, not automatically. Not if they don’t agree with me or what I’m doing.”

Blind Loyalty and Self-Satisfaction

I think a lot about loyalty. It’s often put forth as a virtue, right up there with honesty.  » Read more

The post I Don’t Want Blind Loyalty appeared first on Poly.Land.

You Can Be Conditioned to Expect Communication to Be Full of Tricks and Traps

I grew up in a strict authoritarian household where I had very little freedom. It was a house in which you had to ask permission to have a glass of water — because after all, someone had to wash it later.

A promise to be the person who washed the glass wasn’t good enough.  » Read more

The post You Can Be Conditioned to Expect Communication to Be Full of Tricks and Traps appeared first on Poly.Land.

Confessions of a Recovering People Pleaser: Discovering Places Between Pushover and Pusher

I write quite frequently about being a recovering people pleaser, including one piece I wrote for a client about the 10 biggest lessons I learned while recovering from people pleasing.

And yet… sometimes I feel like I’ve only scratched the surface in addressing how profoundly different my thinking was before I began to critically examine it.  » Read more

The post Confessions of a Recovering People Pleaser: Discovering Places Between Pushover and Pusher appeared first on Poly.Land.

Music Is Enjoyable Because of Expectation, Surprise & Uncertainty

I supported myself for several years as a professional musician. These days I mostly play in private, using it as a way to unpack thoughts or relieve stress.

Anyway, I used to date a non-musician who, while well aware of my history as a musician, insisted that the way I listened to music was wrong.  » Read more

The post Music Is Enjoyable Because of Expectation, Surprise & Uncertainty appeared first on Poly.Land.

Some People Are Predisposed to Take Rejection Harder

Rejection. Ugh. It’s awful.

Looking around at everyone I’ve ever known, I can’t honestly think of a person who enjoys rejection.

And I wish I could say that I’ve always taken it gracefully, but I can’t. Looking back, I can remember times when I was basically a big old baby in the face of rejection.  » Read more

The post Some People Are Predisposed to Take Rejection Harder appeared first on Poly.Land.

Those Moments When I Worry I’m Just a Very Intelligent Digestive System

“I bet there’s good stuff to eat there,” the voice on the phone says.

I sigh. “Yeah, a ton of restaurants.” Because it’s true. Just like I was amazed by the wide array of offerings available to me when I moved from Central Maine to Cleveland, it’d be hard to not notice how many more restaurants there are in Dallas-Fort Worth,  » Read more

The post Those Moments When I Worry I’m Just a Very Intelligent Digestive System appeared first on Poly.Land.

“Have You Ever Wanted to Give Up on Polyamory?”

Hey there! I’m new to poly, I’ve only been doing it for less than a year. I’ve been following your writings for that time and they’ve been a great help.

I still struggle with jealousy though, anxiety attacks, and just generally feeling terrible when my partner goes to explore new connections.  » Read more

The post “Have You Ever Wanted to Give Up on Polyamory?” appeared first on Poly.Land.