Page Turner's Blog, page 55

One Day I’m Going to Look Back & Thank Past Me for Surviving

How am I doing?

One day I’m going to look back on this time and remember how hard it was and thank past me for surviving.

But when you’re on the ground level living through a rough patch, it can be pretty overwhelming.

I reach the end of the day,  » Read more

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I’ve Worried I’m Becoming Agoraphobic Because of the Pandemic

Last night I left my apartment building for only the second time since the pandemic hit in mid March (three months from when I’m writing this essay).

I didn’t leave my car either time, which is almost like an extension of home. It does help to impose a bit of distance between you and others,  » Read more

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I’ve Had My Own Advice Used Against Me… and That’s a Good Thing

“Are you sure about that?” my partner says. “Because I think you’re biased here.”

“Well,” I say in response, my voice dripping with equal parts defensiveness and smugness, “I may be biased. But that doesn’t mean I’m wrong.”

“You know,” my partner says, “that reminds me of something a relationship writer once wrote.”  » Read more

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Sometimes You Just Need to Throw Out Anything That Doesn’t Work for You

Here’s a truth for you: someone in your life has died. And now, nobody knows what to say, and it’s going to really, really piss you off. That’s the nature of the beast here. Nobody knows what to say, so they will say things that are quite stupid. And they’ll say things that make you cry and things that’ll make you want to punch them in their ugly fucking face.  » Read more

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I Always Feel Like I’m About to Be Let Go

While these days I’m a full-time writer, I’ve held a number of jobs over the years. A few of them were cushy, but most of them weren’t. I worked as a hotel maid and as a telemarketer. I’ve worked in food service.

And I spent quite a while working retail.

My favorite retail job was working at the Borders Bookstore in Bangor,  » Read more

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Sometimes You Have to Make Your Own Closure, No Matter What It Takes

Ever since my father passed away in April, I’ve been talking to my mother a lot more. We haven’t had the best relationship, my mother and I. It’s long and complicated. Mostly, she’s wanted to be close to me, although she doesn’t actually like me as a person (and I don’t much like her).  » Read more

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I Am Constantly Fighting Against Self-Sabotage

I’ve managed to make a lot of progress over the years, working on myself. Figuring out ways to bring out my natural strengths. And at the same time, improving or at least compensating for my weaknesses.

But the truth is that I’m still struggling. And I think it’s always going to be that way.  » Read more

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The Hardest Part Is Getting Started

I’ve never liked the moment before things happen. Never liked the silence before someone opens their mouth to speak and I suspect they’re going to say something bad.

I’ve never liked the time I’ve spent rehearsing a difficult conversation before it happens. Mapping out endless contingencies. Telling myself “well if they say this,  » Read more

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If Only There Were Stages to Grief

My father passed away in mid April, and I’ve been doing my best to deal with my grief since then. These are extraordinarily strange times, what with the global pandemic, confirmed recession and probably economic depression, and large-scale demonstrations protesting police brutality and racial inequality.

Even without 2020 being ridiculous on the grand scale,  » Read more

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It’s Important to Figure Out Which Problems You Can Live With

Here’s a brutal truth: When you commit to a relationship, you’re also committing to unsolvable problems.

If only I’d known this a long time ago, I could have saved myself so much pain and confusion.

I know, I know. It’s not what anyone thinks of when they’re single and dreaming of having a relationship.  » Read more

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