Iyabo Ojikutu's Blog, page 4

Procrastination—the killer of Our Dreams

Procrastination means to put something off intentionally and habitually. 

 

Are you a procrastinator? Could that be the reason you feel stuck? Or the reason you’re rotating in circles and can’t seem to reach your goals?

 

We all have goals, hopes, and dreams. If you stopped 10 random people on the street today and asked them what they desire in their lives and where they’d like to see themselves in 5–10 years,
they would have an immediate answer for you.

 

Problem is, even though we mostly know what we’d like to achieve and see happen in our lives, we don’t always work toward making that happen.

 

There are many reasons for this. Aside from the obvious constraints—work, kids, school, just too busy—I’ll focus on two.

Time and fear.

These are our two biggest reasons for procrastination.

 

Most of us believe we don’t have enough time. Of course, this is true sometimes, and during busy phases of our lives, we just don’t have enough time. However, for the most part, we do have ample
time to do everything we need to do, if only we would just…prioritize! Yes, prioritize.

 

Prioritization is the antidote to procrastination.

 

There are 24 hours in a day! Sleep is a must—at least eight hours. Sixteen left! Exercise/physical activity one hour. Work, maybe an average of eight to nine hours. Still left with six or seven!
Wow!

 

If you cooked and/or spent time with your family for three hours, you still have four or so hours left. Imagine what you could achieve in four hoursif you practiced or worked on it every day
or most days of the week! You could write a book in two months, open a new business, learn a new craft, take online classes for a first or new degree, volunteer for a cause dear to your
heart. You can achieve a lot in four hours!

Problem is, we don’t prioritize. We squander our time knowingly and unknowingly on things that don’t directly serve our goals—social media, watching TV, worrying, daydreaming—events that don’t
grow us or help us evolve.

 

Nothing wrong with social media, but use it sparingly and intentionally to help reach your goals.

 

Worry is a waste of time. Instead, pick up your journal and write down your feelings, hopes, solutions, and action steps. If you don’t have a solution for something, pray about it, believe your
prayer will be answered, and then let it go.

 

Daydreaming is OK if it’s positive, enlightening, warming to your heart, bringing a smile to your face, and being used sparingly.

Social events—of course, we must go out and enjoy quality time with friends and family, but being a social butterfly with no limitations is a waste of time and can be suicidal to achieving our
dreams.

 

Prioritization, organization, and preplanning are ways to manage our time wisely. If you really want something, you’ll make the time to achieve it.

 

Fear. A huge one. The one we never want to admit is our biggest reason for procrastination. 

 

It’s much easier to say, “I don’t have enough time to do it,” than to say, “I’m scared to do it.” Our fears are often subconscious feelings:

possible failure


judgment from others


being too old—how can I start this at 45?!


not enough resources 


lack of knowledge on how to proceed


maybe it’s just not a good enough idea


not enough patience to wait to see the goal come to fruition

The list is endless. Too many fears limit our hopes and dreams from being fulfilled. 

 

If you really want to achieve your goal, you must let go of your fears. There is no other way. 

 

Time and fear lead to procrastination. Procrastination will then kill your hopes and dreams.

 

Would you rather know you did try at 48 years old, put in all you could to make that dream come true, than to wake up one day when you’re 75 years old and have major regrets?

 

Don’t be that person walking around with regret and eventually resentment of others because you procrastinated for so long.

Put away procrastination for good today. Open the window and chuck it out!

 

 

Pick up your journal. 

Write your goals, hopes, and dreams down clearly.

Visualize yourself celebrating that goal one day soon.

Write down action steps needed to start and to maintain the process to full fulfillment.

 

Prioritize your time—break down the 24 hours Sunday to Saturday.

Look for three mentors or advisers or experts in the field of your goals. Seek out their help.

 

Then proceed step by step, day by day—and don’t forget to not give up! (Quitters are worse than procrastinators.)

Achieve your dreams!

 

Remember to enjoy the journey to your goal realization. Enjoying the journey is as important as celebrating the goal.

May we all be permanently happy by notprocrastinating or giving up.

Can Men and Women Just Be Friends?

Can they? Can men and women really just be friends? 

 

My answer is no, I really don’t think so.

 

I do not think they can be friends without one of them, or quite often both parties, developing a romantic intention or interest at some point.

 

A man and a woman meeting alone frequently on a friendly basis for lunches, dinners, walks, and/or leisure activities will, in my opinion, develop romantic feelings for each other eventually.
Sometimes this happens quickly, usually in one party first, then often the other starts to develop the same interest—I believe it’s inevitable.

 

Even if it starts off as a business relationship, and the meetings/encounters are usually just the two of them with no one else involved—this creates fertile ground for feelings to develop.

 

I’ve had this discussion with quite a few people in the past, and opinions are split, as you would imagine. Some, like me, absolutely believe a man and woman cannot just be friends. Some believe
they can be. The latter group are usually the ones who have engaged or are engaging in this form of friendship/relationship setup, and I truly believe their answers are ones of convenience to
justify their desires.

During some recent discussions, some have said, “Well, I wasn’t interested. He or she may have been, but I wasn’t, so it doesn’t matter,” or statements such as, “I definitely knew he or she was
interested, but I knew I could never date him or her.” So there you go—there is usually interest on one side, or interest developing on one side, and the other party is fully aware.

 

The question is, if they spend enough time meeting alone as “friends” who enjoy and savor each other’s company, could the other party eventually develop feelings? Yes! It happens, it has
happened, and it will keep happening!

 

So I believe the people who answer that men and women can just be friends without ever developing a romantic interest in each other are not giving honest answers. I believe it is an answer of
convenience.

 

At minimum, one typically has an ulterior motive, or at least, the motive starts to build up the more time they spend with each other and share in each other’s lives.

I’m not married. I’ve been divorced for nine years. I do not have male friends I just hang out with on a friendly basis. That has never worked for me—never. Even if I have no interest whatsoever,
the guy hits on me, so if I’m not interested, I sever that relationship, because it gets weird. Even business partners whom I’ve had to meet with on a regular basis to discuss dealings have hit
on me, so I then quickly make it clear we must keep it professional, as I have no romantic intentions. And if they don’t respect this, I sever those too or seek out someone else in the firm.

 

Of course, I’ve been in the dating field since my divorce, and have also taken prolonged times off without dating at all, by choice.

I’m currently in a relationship, and I cannot and will not engage in one-on-one physical meetings, or even cyberspace communications, with other guys on a regular basis. Of course, I may have to
have business relationships with men, but no secret or frequent alone meetings.

 

So I don’t go out looking for men to have friendships with…because why would I? Why should I? I’ll seek out female friendships. I have many female friends. In my opinion, a male friend never
remains as just a male friend. Feelings will inevitably grow in at least one of the parties.

 

So if you’re both single, then that’s absolutely fine, of course. No harm done. If you both eventually develop mutual feelings for each other that grow from an initial friendship, then hey,
you’re both lucky. The best romantic relationships start off first as true friendships.

 

The stickiness comes when one of the parties is married, engaged, or even in a committed dating relationship and then feels he or she can handle being close friends with someone of the opposite
sex.

No. No…no…no…no. This is a big no.

There is something called boundaries. Something called you know what you’re doing before you head into it. If you intentionally get romantically involved with someone else while you are in one of
the committed unions listed above, then you know fully well that’s cheating.

However, if you believe in your mind you can go out frequently with someone of the opposite sex for lunch, dinner dates, leisure dates without your spouse, or girlfriend or boyfriend, and you
believe this is just a platonic friendship…I believe this is crossing boundaries on many levels. Feelings will likely eventually develop in one of you, so this is crossing the line and really
disrespecting your committed relationship.

 

There is something called boundaries. Something called you know what you’re doing before you head into it. If you intentionally get romantically involved with someone else while you are in one of
the committed unions listed above, then you know fully well that’s cheating.

 

However, if you believe in your mind you can go out frequently with someone of the opposite sex for lunch, dinner dates, leisure dates without your spouse, or girlfriend or boyfriend, and you
believe this is just a platonic friendship…I believe this is crossing boundaries on many levels. Feelings will likely eventually develop in one of you, so this is crossing the line and really
disrespecting your committed relationship.

 

If you’ve been friends before the other party starts dating someone exclusively, or before they get married, I believe it is time to move on and look for other single friends. It is dangerous to
tempt fate or place yourself in situations that could lead to the demise of another person’s union.

 

This could be you one day at the receiving end of this type of mess.

And I’d surmise that 100 percent of the time, the other innocent party in this—the person who doesn’t know his or her “committed” partner has a frequent friend of the opposite sex—is never, ever cool with this kind of ongoing friendship when they find out about it.

So if you weren’t both thinking straight before, as soon as you are aware the other partner is not happy with your ongoing friendship, you should sever that friendship. Respect, boundaries,
morals, putting others in your shoes—that’s the reason you should sever that friendship.

 

The single party should move on and look for new single friends! It is common sense. Pretending you can just be friends and then crossing the line one day and creating hurt for someone else is
too big a price.

 

I know this is a controversial topic. I know I’ll get major differences in opinion. I know some will argue out their viewpoints. That’s OK. We can have mature, healthy conversations. Please share
your opinions on the blog. I’d like to hear from you.

 

But I stick to my point—men and women cannot just be friends! If you’re both single and noncommitted, go on, enjoy your friendship. If one or both of you is/are married, engaged, or dating
exclusively, sever that other relationship if you truly care about your partner—otherwise you may soon lose your marriage, union, or dating prospect.

May we all be permanently happy by placing other people in our shoes and living lives with healthy common-sense boundaries.

Peace Resolutions among Communities—My Passion, Hope, and Dream

A sneak peek into my second book, Our True Colors.

 

 This is my passion, focus, and my dream—to promote peace among all people. My first book, Permanent Happiness, is
about finding and maintaining inner personal peace, which eventually translates into community peace. My second book, Our True Colors, now with my editor, is about tackling human
divisions.

Since I published my first book, I’ve been asked this question a lot: Where are you going with these books? What’s your ultimate plan? These have been my answers: If I can inspire five young
girls or young women to be the best they can be and to impart in them that all they really need to thrive lies within their innermost beings, I would have done my job with my books. Because
societies where women are strong and have a voice are societies that truly thrive.

 

It so happens that I did that quickly. I’ve inspired several young girls and women since my book was published, and their testimonials and mentoring requests are what keep me going.

 

So now I have a bigger goal, a bigger dream. I want to be a voice and advocate for world peace. So my answer has changed to this: I’d like to promote personal peace and happiness in individuals,
and I’d like to see world peace come to fruition in my lifetime.

 

Many react with skepticism, sometimes with chuckling—that I must be joking—believing that there can be world peace. Many think is a tall order, an insurmountable task.

 I would say that’s a big part of the reason why there’s so much hate and turmoil in the world. It is because most of us are skeptics. We don’t think people or nations can get along. We
believe world peace is unachievable, so we don’t position ourselves to play our own part to make things better.

 

If you don’t believe something, or that a cause is doable or achievable, you’ll never put in everything required to make it happen or to change the status quo.

 

So I’m writing this blog post in order to challenge you with three practical tips on how we can make this happen.

 

Many of us would like to see peace in the world. Unfortunately, these days, it feels like we’re moving further and further away from achieving that goal rather than moving toward it.

 

You turn on the TV or the radio and all we seem to see and hear is senseless killings, loss of lives, discord among people because of race, skin color, religion, tribal differences, political
affiliation, or sometimes, for no reason at all. How do we even begin to foster peace among our communities? Where do we start? How do we start?

 

The starting point, I believe is here:

 

1. It starts within each of us. It doesn’t start with the government, as most of us expect it to, or with the peace advocates we all look up to all over the world. Of course, these people are
doing phenomenal work, and we thank them for the progress that has been made. But each of us must first consciously and actively introspect to figure out who we really are, what our mindsets are,
and really figure out how our thought processes are contributing or not contributing to community peace. It’s really all about our mindsets.

Before we can individually embark on community peace and eventually world peace, we must work on ourselves first and find that ever so important individual and inner personal peace. Only by doing
so can we then find that peaceful place within ourselves where we can embrace others and them a chance.

 

2. We must ask ourselves some critical questions. Am I listening to the other side? Am I willing to put my opinions and beliefs aside for just a moment, so I can hear another point of view? Will
I be willing to sit at a round table with people with opposing views and be able to listen to their views and share mine in a respectful and dignified manner?

 

If I’m black, have I closely befriended at least three white individuals (and vice versa)? If I’m Christian, do I have three Muslim friends, three Hindu, agnostic, atheist friends? Do I have
friends of a different sexual orientation? Am I getting to really know them, really understand their points of view?

 

I believe the way forward to peaceful friendships and peaceful communities is by befriending people who are not quite like us and getting to really know them from their deepest core, what their
hopes and dreams are, what fears they may have.

You will be pleasantly surprised that we have a lot more in common than we think or perceive. As members of the human race, we all fundamentally want the same things—provision for our families,
safety, good health, visibility, and acknowledgment in the community, representation of our voices so we can be heard, and mutual respect and love from others.

 

3. Move it to the community level. As we consciously and actively make these personal friendships and bonds, we must then take it to the community level and regularly hold round-table discussions
where different groups of people are represented. Healthy, respectful discussions where everyone gets to have a voice, share their standpoint, and at the end of which we can carry the conclusions
made and lessons learned from others and implement those at a community and hopefully state level.

 

We can never foster peaceful friendships or peace resolutions among communities if we continue to talk at each other instead of with each other, and just listen more.

Stereotypes are dangerous. They are assumptions made of others, which are often false. You cannot assume that everyone of a certain race or religion or skin color are all the same. People are
individuals, and we must view them as such and give each other a chance.

 

Every accomplishment starts with baby steps. It takes a baby 12–18 months to walk fully and be steady on their feet. Community peace and world peace sounds like a tall order, like an unachievable
task, but every step gets us closer and closer to that goal. I do my part. You do yours. Then we all do ours, and I’m optimistic that we will start to make steps forward.

 

We must all do our parts. We must raise awareness, but we must do this peacefully and with due respect of others.

 

So I challenge everyone reading this blog post to go forth with some introspection, find that personal peace and clarity from within first. Spend needed time with yourself and with your thoughts,
find out where your mindset really has been, challenge yourself, and decide to have more of an open mind. Then step out to make intentional, authentic friendships with people you consider not
like you, spread this practice in your communities, and then start to put together round-table peace resolution discussions in your communities.

Use the power of social media to raise awareness about our collective ambition for peace resolutions.

 

But please remember: No Violence. No hatred. Violence and hate and stereotypes have done nothing so far to help move us toward our peace goals.

 

Peace, peace, peace. Peaceful, loving, and respectful friendships, alliances, and discussions.

 

Peace must always be at the forefront of everything we do. We must be intentional and ambitious about fostering peaceful alliances and friendships, and we must really believe in it for it to
happen.

 

So let’s go forth—go forth and make some intentional, authentic friendships with those we consider not quite like us, and let’s start to organize healthy, respectful, and meaningful round-table
discussions on varied topics.

Inspiring Our Kids and Youth—My Passion and My Personal Story

My desire to impact the lives of children and youth started when I was in my own youth years. As I began medical school in my birth country of Nigeria at the age of 16, I was immediately drawn to
the plight of kids and youth. I saw so much poverty, lack of opportunities, and preventable diseases affecting children in such large numbers that I instantly chose pediatrics as my career path.
I have been practicing pediatrics since I graduated at 22 years old. I have practiced in Lagos, Nigeria, in the UK, and then in the US since 1998.    

My private practice in metro Atlanta has been serving kids from 0–21 years old since 2004. It is located in Clarkston, Georgia—one of the most diverse areas in the entire US in terms of race and
nationality. It is the “United Nations” every day in my office. My patients are from all corners of the world—southeast Asia, Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria, Africa, India, Turkey, Europe, and of
course America.

 

In my 25 years of practice, I have been motivated both by the twinkle and the sadness I’ve seen in the eyes of kids and youth. My desire and hope is to keep the twinkle going for those who have
it and to replace the sadness and apathy with a twinkle in the other group.

 

As my writing path began in 2015—I was inspired to start writing after my dad passed—I realized I could touch the lives of even more youth with my books. My first published book in May 2017,
Permanent Happiness, has an entire chapter dedicated to the well-being of our kids and youth.    

My writing and now my speaking platforms are my hope to reach much larger numbers of our youth and empower them to grow and evolve into their best selves.

 

When I first published my book last May, someone asked me what my goal was with the book. I said if I could touch and inspire five young girls, my job would be done, because those five girls
would go on to impact multiples more girls. I believe I Inspired five girls within just a few weeks. So many private messages already from girls and youth thanking me for something that has
inspired them from my social media postings and from my life example. Also, young women asking me to be their mentors—from the UK, Nigeria, Brazil.

My dream is now much bigger than five girls. My dream is to empower, motivate, and inspire youth all over the world with my experiences as a pediatrician, entrepreneur, author, and speaker. I had
the great influences of my parents as positive role models growing up, and I’ve also been inspired by many successful and impactful people in the world. My hope and continued dream is to be this
hope and light to as many kids and youth as possible.

 

The best way to begin is to live my everyday life as an example to our youth. I believe the most effective way I can impact a child’s or youth’s life is by them observing my daily living—the
choices I make and am still making, the actions I take, and the causes I believe in. My goal is to continue to dedicate my time to the well-being and overall development of our kids and youth
globally.    

What are you doing to contribute to the health and well-being of kids and youth in your community or in the world at large?

Our children and youth need us. They need our inspiration, influence, and example. They are our hope for a brighter and better future.

 

May we all inspire and influence children all over the globe to be permanently happy!    

Is Life Hardening or Softening Your Heart?

I often wonder, is it a good thing to harden my heart in order to protect my heart from hurt and disappointments? Or is it better to soften my heart in order to feel myself fully and be able to
be in touch fully with others’ feelings?

 

First, let’s discuss the role life plays in hardening or softening our hearts.

 

I believe the more hurt, setbacks, pain, and disappointments in life, the more we tend to harden our hearts. Especially if it’s a situation that was very dear and important to our hearts. Or if
the situation involved a close friend, family, or other trusted person or close work colleague.

 

If a loved one disappoints us, it leaves scars on our hearts and often causes us to harden our hearts. In essence, guarding and protecting ourselves from future pain or mistreatment. By doing
this, we numb ourselves from getting too close to or opening our hearts to potential hurt from another person.

Many of us do this without realizing we’re doing it. We get hurt, then quickly build a shield around our hearts, and stay on 24-hour guard to identify any culprits who may be out to hurt us
again.

 

This shield is strong, so formidable that people around us quickly notice it and head the other direction instead of trying to break it down—they think it may be too much of an effort.

 

Disappointment after disappointment, pain after pain, hurt after hurt, setback after setback often lead to hardening of our hearts. The more relationships that have hurt us, the stronger and
thicker we build our safeguards.

 

In another context, a hardened heart is one that is totally self-consuming. One that is so prideful and thinks he or she is right all the time and will refuse to listen to truth or to correction.
One example is a person with lung cancer who thinks there is nothing wrong with continuing to smoke. This is self-righteousness arrogance and extreme pride.

A softened heart on the other hand, even though it is quite self-aware, is also open, is sensitive to others’ needs and feelings, and allows others’ feelings in. There are no strongly armored
safeguards. There is a deep sense of self, but also the deep sense of being open to others’ love, care, and help. The softened heart is more evolved. This type of person has come to terms fully
with who he or she is and will allow themselves to feel, understand, and also be felt and understood by others, while at the same time deciphering positive from negative influences out in the
world.

 

We have all hardened and softened our hearts in response to life and its happenings. These two states are on a spectrum. Some people maintain a hardened heart much more than a softened one,
either by choice or by circumstances.

My divorce hardened my heart for a while. I placed safeguards all around me and was careful to not allow anyone to hurt me. I overcompensated in some ways and was not flexible in other areas of
my relationships. I was on high alert to quickly sniff out any behavior from the other person that could potentially disappoint or hurt me. It prevented me from fully relaxing into a relationship
and helped create a lack of compatibility with who I was in a relationship with. Lack of compatibility and lack of understanding in relationships leads to walking on eggshells and always being on
high alert—which leads to hardening of the heart.

 

I have evolved as a person over the years. I have learned many life lessons, gathered wisdom from everywhere, starting from my upbringing with my parents to life in itself. I’m better in touch
with who I am and know what to look for in friendships as well as romantic relationships.

 

To answer my question in the beginning, I do now conclude it’s much better to soften my heart to feel all my own emotions well so that I can also feel fully be open to God’s grace and be
sensitive to others’ emotions.

In other words, having a softened heart makes us a bit more vulnerable.

 

 

Vulnerability, I believe, is the beginning of personal true character and relationship building.

Without a softened heart, there can’t be vulnerability. Without vulnerability, there can’t be authentic relationships and trust building.

 

May we be permanently happy by softening our hearts and being more vulnerable and authentic.

Moments in Time—Adding Pieces to Our Life Jigsaw Puzzle

On my flight from London last December, heading back to Atlanta after a nice Christmas holiday with my daughters, we were sitting across the aisle from an elderly British couple. Their home is in
England, and they were visiting friends in Florida.    

 

Her husband’s health was in noticeably poor condition. He had a limp and unsteadiness to his gait and was slightly bent over. I noticed this as they took their time to get settled in their seats.

He sat by the window. She sat on the aisle seat just across from me.

 

She gave me a smile as we buckled in, getting ready for takeoff.

 

For the first hour or so of the flight, she glanced over, looking at my daughters and me with curiosity. Then she looked at me and my laptop intently as I typed away.

 

I write on flights. The feeling of being up in the air with no time constraints inspires my writing.

 

I was writing blog posts and my third book.

 

After feeling her uncomfortable stare, even though it was done with a kind demeanor, she finally leaned in and started asking me questions.

She wanted to know what my relationship with the “other two ladies” was. I guess it wasn’t obvious I was their mom. That reaction from people, of course, always makes me happy. She said she
wasn’t sure if we were friends or sisters. Ha-ha! Well…I’ll take that conclusion from anyone any day.

 

She asked if I was writing for TV. She said she noticed I had been typing away since the plane took off, and wanted to know if I wrote as a career.

 

She was partly right.

 

I told her I don’t write for TV (maybe I will one day! I’d love to add that to my list of hopes and dreams! How cool would that be?), but I do write nonfiction books.

She immediately brightened up and wanted to know what my books were about.

 

As I told her the title of my first book, Permanent Happiness, she did not hesitate to say, “No way. Permanent happiness is not possible,” in a determined, serious tone.

 

Of course, I wanted to know why her reaction was so quick. I wondered why a couple, seemingly in their late 70s or early 80s, would think it wasn’t possible to be permanently happy after so many
years alive—at least the wife thought that. Her husband paid us no attention. He was quiet and looked straight ahead during our conversation.

 

She then gave me a long account of how her husband had been diagnosed with Parkinson’s a few years back and how she watched him change before her very eyes.

 

 

I honestly held back tears as she poured out her heart to me. She told me how he was now fully dependent on her for almost everything. She leaned in more toward me and lowered her voice—I guess
to prevent him from listening in—as she gave me sensitive details. Details of how their life had completely changed and how she now gets easily angry at him and yells at him when he’s moving too
slow. She said she knew it wasn’t right, but couldn’t help herself.

 

 

 I listened in, nodding, soaking in all her words and trying not to shed tears, even though they were welling up in my eyes. I suppose I assumed older couples at that age who were still
together just lived more harmoniously with each other.

 

She then, of course, wanted to know about my book and how it would help her. I gave her the three steps in my book that I believe can help anyone live a permanently happy (peaceful) life. She was
still skeptical, but as I explained further, saying we cannot be ecstatic or euphorically happy as often as we want, or have all our needs met, but we can live peacefully, trusting that our inner
souls can withstand anything. Anything…just by the way we react. Not that we will never have sadness. We will, but we can quickly overcome it, and also find the lesson and the gem in the sadness.

 

 

Permanent Happiness just means working every day toward our own inner peace and accepting each moment for what it is.

 

 

After all that, she brightened up again and said she will try all the tips I gave her and that she would buy my book and read it herself.

 

I wished I had a copy on me to give to her, but I didn’t.

 

She ended by saying I had made her day and given her hope.

 

This encounter inspired me, probably much more than it did her. It taught me this:

Anyone can be inspired or positively influenced by someone older or younger than them. We must never underestimate the influence we could receive from someone we least expect it from.


People are walking around with concealed hurt and pain in their souls. We must therefore smile, be open, and meet others with kindness.


Each moment we live is a special moment. Each moment in time is one more piece of our life jigsaw puzzle. The puzzle won’t be complete till we depart from this earth. Then that complete
jigsaw puzzle will be available to continue serving others and changing lives still.

The encounter with this couple was a big piece from my life jigsaw puzzle. I’ll never forget it.

 

May we all be permanently happy so we may be ready at any point in time to fill others with permanent happiness!

Losing to Gain

Do you feel like you’re always losing something in life?

 

How many times have you lost something you believed in? Worked hard for? Hoped for? Dreamed of?

 

If you’ve never lost something important to you, then you haven’t really experienced life in its totality.

 

This will surely happen. It’s only a matter of time. Loss is inevitable. When I refer to loss, it’s not only in the context of losing a loved one to death or divorce or a breakup. Loss also
refers to any life circumstance you held dear to you and it just disappeared or you had no choice but to let it go.

Losing something you value or esteem highly and that you’ve poured your entire being into is not an easy thing. It hurts. It pierces your heart, and no matter how much you try to let go of the
pain, it seems so hard and impossible to forget it and move on.

 

The questions don’t seem to stop. Why me? Why now? Why after I tried so hard? Why after I trusted him/her so much? Why after I spent so much money? Why after I poured my heart into
training/mentoring that person? Why after so much personal sacrifice? Why after the business was fully established?

 

The questions just never seem to run low on steam or battery power.

 

Only time can heal loss. Let time do its job. In the meantime, take care of yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

Loss stinks! It really does. But there’s always that light at the end of every loss—you always GAIN something.

 

Loss and gain are life’s way of keeping us in check and making sure we have a heart of gratitude.

 

If you don’t lose some important elements in your life at some point, you’ll never be able to make room for bigger and greater things. You won’t be able to have a heart that is thankful and
appreciative of what you have left. You won’t be able to dream bigger dreams. You won’t be able to see clearly and redefine your life direction. You may continue in that cluttered, blocked-off
life path that lacks growth if you don’t lose or let go of some things.

 

There are so many life paths/things/people I have personally lost, but afterward, I gained so much more. Loss of a loved one is not easy—don’t get me wrong. It’s the most painful thing that can
happen to anyone.

After losing my dad, the loss stunk so badly. But out of that emerged my writing skills and my newfound passion. That skill was brought forth from his inspiration and the key roles he had played
in my life.

 

My divorce nine years ago was painful, but I have gained a deeper and more powerful knowledge of who I am to the core. That loss gave me the ability to define myself and find my true, authentic
self in all its glorious power.

 

All through my career path—physician, and even now, with my author life path—I have lost some money from business dealings I trusted, which didn’t quite materialize as I had expected. But I
always gained something—wisdom and stronger intuition to choose better. Then actually finally knowing whom to look for and what qualities to seek in business dealings. Those losses have served me
so well, as I now choose much wiser.

I let go of my first pediatrician job about fifteen years ago, and this gained me my own pediatric practice about a year after I quit that job.

 

Like the famous saying says, if you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it is yours. If it doesn’t, it never was.

 

This is so true. Loss does not have to bring us pain for so long. Every time we lose, we gain something. It may take some time, but if we’re patient enough, we will reap some gain—usually
something meaningful, bigger, and/or greater.

 

Even if it’s just loving and fond memories of a person—there’s a lot we gain from those memories, including peace of mind.

 

And if the memories are mostly negative, just give it time, and work on yourself from the inside out. Work on forgiving and forgetting, and you’ll start to see gains all around you.

 

 

It works. Loss always leads to gain. Patience and time and maybe some soul searching are all that are needed.

 

Even in the context of healthy living—eating right, getting in shape, losing weight—gains you a healthier and happier life.

 

 

A home or work space that is cluttered needs to lose some stuff so we can have clarity and work in a clean, light, peaceful environment. Losing stuff and junk gains us peace of mind so we can
focus on calmness and positive growth.

Losing to gain…

 

Loss of clutter gains you a calm, peaceful environment.

Loss of weight gains you better health.

Loss of a loved one gains you sweet memories.

Loss of a job gains you opportunities for a better one or entrepreneurship.

Loss of a relationship gains you better choices for future friendships and true love.

 

#losetogain

 

So let’s not be afraid of losing. Only by losing can we make room for greater and have clarity to gain more and better.

 

 

May we all stay permanently happy through our losses and gains in life.

Kids Say the Darndest Things!

I walked into an exam room at my office a few days ago to see a 9-month-old patient, and as soon as I opened the door and stepped in, her 7-year-old sister screamed “Michelle Obama” as she
pointed at me. Her mom and I simultaneously burst into laughter, and of course the young girl had a bewildered look on her face, like What is so funny?

 

Her mom said, “That’s not Michelle Obama—that’s Dr O! Michelle Obama is not even a doctor.”

 

And I said, “And if she were a doctor and seeing you today, there’d probably be a hundred cameramen here.” Then she eventually started to laugh, and the three of us had more belly-shaking
laughter.

 

I guess to a 7-year-old, a black woman who is in a dress and is somewhat tall and, I’d like to say, also carries herself well (said with a wink and with humility, of course) is Michelle Obama. I
don’t think we resemble each other that much physically per se—she’s a lot taller than I am, for sure—but we are both black women…and sophisticated, and fit, and beautiful, and brilliant and both
professionals. :-)

And in that little girl’s eyes, the first image in her brain as I walked in was that of Michelle Obama.

 

So yes, after all that excitement, I did see her very cute 9-month-old sister for the visit she came for, and we all left that experience with happy hearts.

 

I pondered that exchange on and off through the day and had several lightbulb and aha moments, with lots of lessons learned.

 

Remember my post last week about zooming in? I zoomed in totally to that situation, and my heart was full of so many takeaways from that
little girl just uttering those two words.

 

Kids do say the darndest things, but there is so much to learn from those darndest things. Pay attention to what they say.

A little girl thought I was the former First Lady of the United States! What an honor. What a privilege. What a statement to be proud of. She thought I was Michelle Obama! Who else could I ask to
be like? An accomplished, super-brilliant, super-confident, self-assured, super-smart woman—Michelle Obama is everything a little girl should dream of being, everything even a 47-year-old like me
should dream of being. I was totally honored that an innocent little girl saw Michelle in me as I walked into the child’s world, into her mind space.

 

I was proud that she even knew who Michelle Obama was. I’m glad she’s been exposed to a great woman who is a role model for so many. Kudos to her mom for making sure she was aware of our amazing
former First Lady.

 

I had on an above-the-knee gray dress and black pumps. My hair was half pulled back. I had assured, confident steps and a smile on my face as I walked in. She noticed. She saw a confident woman.

Appearances do matter. A confident aura does matter. Being fit does matter. Being graceful does matter.

 

I don’t think I would have reminded this girl of Michelle Obama if my boobs were hanging out, or I had on a provocative dress, or wasn’t self-assured as I walked in.

 

Kids have innocent minds, and they analyze situations in a simple and childlike manner. Their minds get influenced by adults, other kids, and their environments. That’s why we must be careful how
we raise our kids, what we allow them see and hear, and what we expose them to.

Kids need more role models all around them.

 

We must all collectively be these role models.

 

Call for action—live your life every day as if all the kids around the world are watching you.

What better way to keep ourselves in check, and what better way to influence our children positively?

They are watching us! Watching our every move.

 

 

My life goal is to be a positive influence in this world—to all people, but especially to our children. I will always speak the truth to, and about, our children, and I will always carry myself
in the best way I can in order to be a good role model. I want every kid to see me living out my life purpose so they can strive to live out theirs.

 

I will never stop being a strong voice and advocate for our children. My life work will always focus on a better world and future for our kids.

Of course, we can’t please everyone. Some people will not like you or feel you’re a good role model, but that’s OK—you don’t need to be liked by everyone or please everyone.

 

This must never stop you from focusing on your goals, hopes, dreams, and life purpose. Live your life every day as if an innocent child from each corner of the globe is watching you.

 

Are you living out your life purposefully?

Working on your goals to change the world?

How do you carry yourself every day? With Grace, humility, and confidence?

Do you flash a smile as you go about your day?

Are you aware first impressions last?

Do you know all our kids are watching?

Finally, and most importantly, who would you like an innocent kid to think you are? This is the most important and most vital takeaway thought and question from this blog post.

 

Ponder that carefully.

 

Once you determine who that person is, then ask yourself, Am I living out my life every day to be even close to that person’s character?

 

Food for thought!

May we all be permanently happy and influence our children positively. They are our hope for the future.

Zooming In

Do you zoom in to pictures and posts on social media so you can see every detail? I do! I often want to see every detail, every writing, and just take it all in. I’m a sponge, an observer, and a
ponderer. I gather information everywhere I go, and juggle it back and forth in my mind till I find the lesson, the key message, and the tool that I can put into practice in my own life to make
it better.

 

I do not zoom in just to see what other people are doing…just because…that’s a total waste of time. Even when I’m being just entertained, I still gather nuggets of wisdom.

 

I zoom in to find inspiration, to learn something, to get those aha moments, those spark-in-the-brain moments I totally love.

 

 

Are you zooming in on posts on social media? And are you gathering vital inspiration and motivation by zooming in, or just zooming in to see what others are up to? And then leave with nothing for
you?

 

Be wise about zooming in. Gather knowledge everywhere you go.

 

Social media has everyone spilling out their best knowledge, best stories, best selves, best wisdom. Use this to your advantage. Zoom in!

 

I actually got the inspiration to write this post a few days ago while zooming in to a post on Instagram that read, “Teach Girls to be Somebodies and Not Somebody’s.” This is a page that empowers
our girls in every way. If you’re on Instagram and you have a daughter, or are just passionate about girls’ empowerment, please follow @girlifeempowerment. They post incredibly inspiring posts for our girls. 

I zoomed in to that post, stayed there for a while, and pondered that phrase back and forth, and thought, This is so true!!! Everyone with a daughter or planning a family should hear this. I’ll
share it on a blog! Our daughters must be taught to be somebodies first before they even think of giving their essence to someone else—be it a spouse, friend, or work colleague.

So I zoomed in, learned something vital, and did something with it. That’s the power of zooming in on social media. Social media is not for entertainment purposes only! It is for helping you
build yourself up. Use it as such!

 

I also zoom in to all areas of my life. My relationships, my lifestyle, my finances, my hopes and dreams. I never look at things only on the surface. I dig deep.

 

This is so much more important if you’re playing several roles at once and working on several projects. This makes you aware you have no time to waste on things that do not serve your hopes and
dreams.

 

You must zoom in to every aspect of your life on a daily basis, so as to figure out what works and what doesn’t.

 

This process of zooming in and pondering the details activates your brain and helps you decipher what you need to gather from that situation and run with for your own personal development.

I don’t leave situations hanging for too long and waste my precious time. I get quiet, zoom in to the situation, ponder, decide, and then make the leap! 

 

Every negative feeling that comes up about a situation in my life, I pay attention to immediately. My gut feeling has never once deceived me. Not once.

 

I have looked back many times at my life and realized, Wow! I do have good intuition. I felt that clearly in my gut, and months after. Alas! Clearly what I felt was the right decision. Of course,
I’m human, so I have ignored my gut feelings a few times and realized that was a bad decision. But that is just practice.

 

Practice on how to really zoom in and listen to your own inner feelings, inner voice. The more you listen and see the evidence of its reliability in the future, the more you’ll trust
yourself.However, ignoring it every time and making a mess of your life only leads to apathy, confusion, and a disordered life pattern.

Trust your gut! Practice by zooming in!

 So I zoom in a lot to situations and people surrounding me. I’ve been practicing zooming in even more lately, since I have so much going on with my book venture. I’m meeting so many people
concerning my book, that I switch on my “zooming in” antennae and look at every fine detail as I meet people and examine words, body language, etc. I basically zoom in to activate my intuition,
my gut feeling.

 

It has helped me a lot.

 

I hope you’ve learned something about zooming in.

 

Make zooming in work for you on social media.

 

Make all that time you spend there work toward building up your life positively.

 

Practice zooming in to your life situations too. In this case, zooming in means looking for the fine print, the obscure details, pondering them, spending some quiet time to figure out the key
lessons, and then following your intuition.

 

May zooming in help you strengthen your gut feeling, and may you then use your gut feeling/inner voice to soar into permanent happiness.

Self-Love First

It’s the week of Valentine’s Day. February 14. The day most people consciously remember to show love to a loved one, a secret admirer, family members. Some even propose or get married on this day
of love.

 

It’s a beautiful day in every sense and in every meaning. Love is given. It is received. Flowers, chocolates, gifts all around. Many people feel appreciated, and they feel those heart-fluttering
and stomach-bubbling sensations.

Problem is, this often is a fleeting period. One day, and then everyone slowly crawls back into their routines of complacency with relationships.

 

If only the world could continue at such a loving pace—how magnificently happy we would all be.

 

I’ve personally spent my last several Valentine’s Days at dinner with my daughters. I do hope when that special guy comes around, we will have Valentine’s Day on most days and not just on
February 14. That would be a lot more meaningful, make a lasting effect on us, and sustain the relationship.

 

It’s the most beautiful gift one can give to others. Love. It feels good to give and to receive. However, it is not so easy to give love if you are not filled with self-love first. You cannot
give what is not in your possession.

I’ve worked on my self-love for as far back as I can remember, but really consciously for the past ten years.

 

I’ve realized the only real, sustainable love comes from within first. Then once you love yourself and are at peace with who you are, this starts to attract people.

 

This could be good or bad. You may work on yourself so well and have so much self-love and self-assurance that you attract many people and may not have the wisdom to decipher those who are
genuine.

So this is another piece of the puzzle. That second part comes with life experiences—being intuitive, watching the other person’s patterns and behaviors, and understanding how your soul feels
around them.

 

It is actually easy to decipher this if you’re truthful with yourself. Our gut/intuition/inner self/God/higher power is always talking to us, but we often don’t listen. If you are sensing
someone/something telling you your choice of person for a relationship is not good for you, listen.

 

Even if you don’t completely or immediately sever the relationship, give yourself time to tread carefully. Watch his or her patterns, and take time to understand how you feel around the person.
Then once you make a decision to stay or leave, stick to it and don’t look back. You’ll thank yourself in the future.

 

If you’re not happy, not at peace with yourself, and not yet fulfilled on your own, then a partner is not going to help you achieve those. Don’t rely on a partner to help you complete yourself.

Work on you first, pave your path in life, create your life vision, fill yourself with self-love, then true love will find you. It may not be in your own timing, but since you’ll be pleasantly
busy creating the life of your dreams, you’ll be OK. Very OK.

 

So love yourself first, and then it will be much easier to give love to others and to receive love from others.

 

As it goes in one of my favorite gospel songs “Shine Like Stars,” by Casey Darnell of North Point Music, “When we love one another, we light up the dark…we will shine like stars." 

 

May love, light, peace, joy, and permanent happiness be yours to keep on Valentine’s Day and every day!