Iyabo Ojikutu's Blog, page 9

My Question for You: Why Are You Here in This World?

The one question I’d like to ask everyone.

 

I've had this desire in my heart for a while—to ask people I encounter everywhere:

 

"Why do you think you are here in this world?"

"Why do you think you are here in this world?"

I know I will get many different answers. I also know I may get many “I don't know” responses. And the answers will vary depending on age and current life situations.

 

I'm particularly interested in the answers from middle-aged people, as that is my age bracket, and I know I've come a long way to where I am today.

In my 20s, my focus was on my education and residency, and a big chunk of my attention was on getting married, the wedding, and being in love and living happily ever after. This was a fun time of
my life. I thought this pace of life would continue forever. The fairy-tale part of life.

 

My 30s—whoa!!! Not so much fun. Busy, busy, and busy! Having kids, raising kids, being a wife as expected culturally and socially, kicking off a new practice, and struggling to take care of
myself and my individuality in the midst of all this made my 30s extremely tough. During this time, I had a burning desire to know who I was and why I was here, but I could not find the answer.

By my early 40s, I had lost a sister to cancer, gotten divorced, moved a few times, and my kids were entering adolescence. I started to gradually understand the reason I was here. I read many,
many books on the meaning of life, lots of memoirs and biographies, just trying to figure out others’ stories so I could grasp the meaning of my life path so far. I did start to get it! Finally.
A big shift started in me, and I was finding peace, happiness, and contentment in myself and in my heavenly Father. I fully understood those were the only two places I could find
permanent happiness—within my soul and with the grace showered on me by God.

 

Which takes me back to the question—if someone had asked me in my 20s why I thought I was here, I may have answered: "to be happy, to be a good wife, and to do well in school and in my career."

 

In my early 30s, I may have answered: "to be a good mother, to see my kids do well, have a successful practice and open many more and be successful, have a big home, and be a good wife."

In my mid to late 30s I'm sure I would have said: "I just want to be happy, to be free, to have peace in my heart—that's why I'm here." (Because I remember my soul was in so much chaos, that's
all I longed for, and I just wanted to find myself again, my true self.)

 

Now in my 40s, having been through all of the above, self-educated myself by reading a lot and listening to people's stories, asked God uncountable times to show me why I'm here, I am now getting
it…really getting it.

 

I can now answer in my late 40s, with so much freedom, peace, and certainty in my heart, that I was placed in this world "to be a light, a positive influence in others’ lives, to inspire
everyone, especially the younger generation, and to make sure I do my part in leaving the world much better than when I entered it." This will then always make me enjoy the state of permanent
happiness.

That is my answer in my 40s, and I'm so happy I'm living it.

 

I look forward to my 50s and beyond, to reflect on that answer, and to finding out how much of that I've been able to do.

I'm so excited for what the future holds.

 

What is your current answer, at the age you're at now? How do you think you may have answered in earlier decades? I'd love to hear from you.

"Why do you think you are here in this world?"

Above all, find a way to be permanently happy!

Questions I get asked: How do you stay so slim in Your 40s?

I get this question a lot.

 

How do you stay slim in your 40s? You've had two kids, and you look like their big sister? How do you do it? How do you love desserts and still stay slim?

 

Well, it is not just a lucky genetic trait I got from my parents. Many have answered the question for me, even before I have the chance to answer. Some say, "Oh, you're just lucky. You've always
been slim. It must be your genetics." Some say it's because “you're vain—that's why you stay slim.”

 

The last statement is very interesting and funny. I do believe I'm vain to a certain degree. I do love to look good. It puts a strut in my step, a confidence to my persona, and a sureness to my
voice. I will say, I am humbly vain. I like to look in the mirror and dance when I see the beautiful woman reflected back. But I see my inner and outer beauty in the mirror. And
it makes me want to continue to look and feel good.

But looking and feeling good doesn't just happen. Like anything that brings a good outcome in life, it takes commitment, hard work, self-discipline, prioritization of time, and consistency.

 

People you see who look and feel good physically didn't get there by eating whatever they'd like to eat, in any portion they'd like, and by not exercising consistently. Nope. If you follow them
secretly, you'll see they have certain routines to their lives.

 

Exercise is a must-do in my routine. I try to get at least an hour four times a week of cardio exercise, combined with weight training and stretching. Anytime I slack off on exercise, I start to
feel sluggish and tired.

 

Even when traveling, I try to move as much as I can. Walking is easy on some trips. On many trips to Europe, my daughters and I intentionally do not take taxis or buses. We walk around all day
from place to place and easily get in 10 miles a day. On one trip to Napa Valley with a friend, I walked 20 miles in one day. We walked from town to town and didn't even feel it, because the
scenery was so beautiful!

On my last trip to Orlando and Cabo, we walked a lot at the theme parks and took one-hour yoga classes in Cabo.

So when home, my exercise is scheduled on my calendar. I choose early morning workouts because I'm a morning person. Once I get my eight hours of sleep and complete my one-hour exercise class,
I'm ready to face the day. I sometimes change the routines I do: gym, Pilates, spinning, West Coast workout, Barre.

And then food. Food, food, food!!!

We must be careful what we consume. Our bodies function according to the fuel we place in them. Some foods we consume cause bad inflammation, which leads to a host of chronic diseases, such as
cancer, heart disease, joint pains, inflammatory bowel disease, loss of memory, depression, and so on.

 

My diet consists of a lot of fresh fruit, fresh veggies (especially green), and nuts (I love nuts—almonds and walnuts mostly, but I eat only about 10 pieces a day, and they are unsalted and
mostly raw and organic). Eating a cup or more of highly salted nuts a day is not a good choice.

I eat mostly seafood, sometimes chicken and turkey.

Breakfast consists of oatmeal with nonfat milk, nuts, and berries; or Greek yogurt; or a smoothie; and/or egg whites with veggies/avocado.

 

I rarely eat red meat, maybe once a week or once every two weeks.

 

I'll occasionally eat duck or pork when dining out.

I avoid foods with thick white sauces and loads of butter and cheese sauces. I go for tomato-based sauces, or I just ask for the sauce on the side.

 

I eat very little rice, maybe once a week (this was hard for me, considering my Nigerian background), but eating a big plate of rice once or twice a day seven days a week will pile the pounds on
you. White rice has little nutritional value except for energy giving, but your blood sugar gets unstable after such big carb loads—a quick way to developing type 2 diabetes!

I no longer cook with palm oil—it is high in saturated fats. I cook with canola or olive oil. I eat a variety of beans. Beans are high in protein and good for you!

 

I eat small portions. I am conscious of my satiety level—I eat to that point and stop.

 

I drink 16 ounces of water first thing every morning and at night. I drink water all day long and a variety of green teas and other herbal teas—hot, unsweetened.

 

I drink wine, mostly red, once or twice a week, one glass. Only when out with friends or if they visit. I do have wine at home, but I do not drink alone. I stay away from cocktails except when on
vacation, when I'll drink the occasional cocktail.

I do not drink sodas, even diet sodas—I stopped this a few years ago.

 

I do love my desserts. I eat a slice of cake at least twice a week. But when I do, I'm conscious of everything else I consume that day. I'll consume more of fruits and veggies and pulses and
beans.

 

So there you go. Being slim at 47 is doable—if you exercise consistently and make good food and drink choices and practice portion control.

 

Take care of your body the natural way. Be permanently happy!

Questions I get Asked: So, What’s Next? Where are you going to take this book project?

Where are you going to take this book project?

 

I have been getting this question since the release of my debut book,
Permanent Happiness.

 

That has been a somewhat difficult question for me to answer. I'm inherently a planner. I have been a planner most of my life. Sometimes rigidly and to a fault. I really felt I had to plan
everything, but with wisdom, age, life happenings, and now with my writing, which just showed up out of nowhere, I fully realize I don't need to plan all aspects of my life.

I just wrote a blog about this a couple weeks ago.

 

My writing suddenly came upon me because I was in the natural flow of life. I had freed myself from all control on life. I reconnected with myself, my inner soul, embraced solitude and quiet, and
asked God for meaning and why I was really here. I did this after a turning point in my life—my dad's passing.

 

Flow happened in my life. My gifts blossomed as I became open. My creative aspect found me. I would like to believe this had been lying dormant in me for a while. Or maybe not? Maybe everything
just happens in its own time if we're open to receiving it.

So for those who have asked me this question or who are thinking of asking me this question, the answer is "I don't know." I didn't plan this aspect of my existence. It found me. So I will
respond accordingly and remain in my flow. I'm open to what God has in store for me, but I won't plan it rigidly. I will only listen to the peaceful whispers when they come, and they already have
in the last several months. The whispers and the connecting dots. I have heard and seen some of those already. Connecting dots of people who bring other people to you, and the connections make
sense. Or you get that aha lightbulb moment over why somebody showed up in your life and vice versa.

 

I will continue to ask God to "use me" in any way He sees fit. I will remain in my flow. I'll be open. I'll receive the whispers and signs from God. And my ultimate goal still remains—my hope and
dream and great desire is to leave this world a lot better than when I entered it. Touch lives, inspire lives, and be a force to help people discover their best selves.

Be permanently happy by saying "I don't know" sometimes.

Because truly, sometimes, we just don't know until we know.

We Must Love Love

That four-letter word is ever so important in today's world. The one word that can automatically cure all human division and ignorance. That one word that is an action verb and also a noun.

 

We must love love.

We must love love, embrace it as the strongest noun that exists and carry it out as the most important action verb we know, in order to do our part. Our part is all that matters now. Love is the
easiest action in life, yet we humans make it difficult. I always wonder in my quiet time why it is so difficult to love fellow citizens…fellow humans of the world. We were all made in God's
image. "Love your neighbor as yourself."

 

Every religion talks about it. Every religion preaches it. But why is it so hard for us to practice it?

 

Love is effortless—a smile, a hello, a kind word, a hug, a pat on the back, saying it's going to be OK, don't give up, or I'm proud of you.

We must be intentional about making friends with people of different races, different skin colors, different religions, different tribes or cultures, different economic brackets—really getting to
know them and being a part of their lives, leaving all judgement aside.

 

Then you'll understand they are actually just like you. They really are. We are all searching for the same things in life—we all crave true love from others, peace, good health, a safe place to
call home, and so on.

 

Loving others does us and them so much good. It is so much easier to love than to hate. Love is the one action verb that can unite us, bring world peace, make the world better for the next
generation. Love adds years to our lives. It even reduces inflammation in our bodies and strengthens our immune systems, making us healthier and happier.

 

My heart aches and my stomach rumbles every time I hear the never-ending bad news on TV about all forms of human divisions in our world.

Divisions based on race, skin color, religion, gender, sexual orientation, economic level, tribe.

 

I'm uncomfortable about the world we are building or not building for our children and generations to come.

 

But I'm an optimist. I've always been. So therefore I hold tight to hope. With hope, everything is possible. Hope is love. Love is hope.

 

I choose to believe we all really do know better, we can do better, and we must do better.

We must love love.

Don’t Dwell on the Negative

My younger daughter, Moni, asked me a question recently. "Mummy, when you were in school, did you get offended when other girls were mean to you?”

 

"I did not get offended because I never really noticed they were being mean to me," I answered.

 

That was a very-close-to-accurate answer. Very close to, because I did notice on some occasions, but it never offended me.

I have to humbly say, I've always been a confident person, from my childhood till now. I believe I owe that to my upbringing and nurturing from my parents, but also to genetics and just innate
tendencies. I never take what people do or say to me to heart if they are mean spirited. I can obviously decipher negative statements or acts quickly, and I process then in my heart and figure
out what to do with them quickly. I do not allow meanness to linger on indefinitely and block me from peace.

 

I sometimes will let the person know, as politely as possible, that I did not appreciate the comment. But most instances, I just let it go, though I adjust my contact and level of relationship
with the person.

I modify the amount of space they're allowed in my heart-and-soul sacred space.

I work on my own reaction and protect myself. I have absolutely no role in changing them. They will do that by themselves if they want to, and when they're ready.

The only people I try my best to nurture and correct are my daughters, because that is a God-given responsibility. At least until they are of responsible age, 18–21. Then I’ll tell them I'm
always here for them whenever they need me. At that point you can only pray for them remotely and spend time with them to make sure they are doing well, and intervene responsibly and wisely.
Parenting has quite a narrow timeline. We must use it wisely.

 

As I've said on a few of my blog posts, relationships are our life building blocks. We have to choose whom we allow into our heart-and-soul spaces. If you give negative relationships a dwelling
in that sacred space, you subconsciously build your life around that negativity, and it turns into a negative empire in you. Many people walk around in their day-to-day lives with this negative
empire dwelling in them, which severely limits them from experiencing life in its fullness.

After I answered my younger daughter, she said to her sister, "Reni, did you hear what Mom said?” Reni answered from the bathroom. "Yes, I did." Moni was so shocked and impressed by my answer
that she had to call her sister's attention to it. I believe we parent mostly by example and just by being around our children. They observe us, they mimic us, they learn from us, they soak it
all in, and they then pass it on.

 

If we teach them that the only thing they are in control of is their reaction to negative acts toward them, and how to handle negativity wisely, they will grow into confident and stable
women.

We must teach them that they must not allow such negativity, lies, and bullying into their hearts. They must lessen contact with such persons gracefully and seek out more positive friends. And
once they do that, they must empty those acts from their souls and spirits—otherwise negativity will build a fortress there and limit them from living their lives in full.

 

This is ever so important now with social media and its effect on our kids.

 

I do not believe in turning the other cheek, because this is retaliating in some form. Retaliation or getting back at people makes matters worse.

 

We must teach our kids to guard their hearts, be kind and polite, seek out like-minded, positive relationships, and let go completely of past hurts.

People can only offend us if we allow them a dwelling space in our hearts to do so.

Please take time out to teach your kids this truth, and of course, practice it yourself.

Plan to Unplan Your Life

Do you have all of your life planned out? Do you have rigid hopes and dreams of exactly how you would like to live in the future?

 

Are you still working hard to make sure all of those hopes and dreams come true?

 

How has that gone for you so far?

 

How many of them have come true?

 

It is not a bad thing to hope and dream. It is actually good to dream and dream big. However, some of us hustle so much and get into a daily grind of stressing ourselves out to achieve those
dreams that we not only never achieve those dreams, but we never fully experience the joys of life. We have a picture in our minds of what we want in life, hold on to it rigidly, and do anything
it takes to realize those dreams.

How is that routine working out for you so far?

 

First of all, what are those hopes and dreams you're planning for? A mansion, luxury cars, a luxury boat, designer stuff, jewelry for the wifey, lavish parties, exotic vacations, a good education
for yourself and your kids, waitstaff, chefs, chauffeurs…money to show off to others in any way you can?

 

What is the reason you're working so hard, planning all of the above, and making sure they all come true?

 

Not everything I listed above is grandiose. Most of the list is, but some are reasonable.

Vacations, in my opinion, are good experiences to invest in. They help us relax and rest our souls and spirits, and we get to experience other cultures and ways of living.

 

A good education is also necessary for a bright future and for more choices and opportunities.

 

Everything else is grandiose, but we don't realize that until it is sometimes too late, and we spend our whole lives acquiring stuff and planning and planning so rigidly, it costs us life's joys
and annuls our true life purposes.

We must plan some areas of our lives and leave some parts unplanned.

In my opinion, the parts we should plan are in only two categories:

The basic necessities of life—a good education, comfortable shelter, nutritious meals, clean water to drink, exercise several times a week, times of rest and solitude to connect with our
souls and spirits, and positive/healthy/solid/life-building relationships. The people we associate with pave our life paths, whether we want to admit it or not. Some will add here a savings plan
for future expenses, and a retirement plan.





Influencing other people positively. We must find a person/people to pour into their lives consistently.

Everything else, in my opinion, should be left unplanned and open. This is the part where we experience what I call the “Flow.”

Flow is allowing positive life energies to be attracted to you. Allowing yourself to be a part of the natural pace of life. Letting go of control and praying to be used for your true and divine
life calling. Creativity can only exist when you leave some parts of your life unplanned.

Let go, and you'll let in positivity.

So if you're focusing on the two planned aspects above and let go of all the material desires and obstacles—keeping up with the Joneses and the unending rat race—you will find the Flow of Life.
Everything you are on this earth for will flow to you in its own time, and you will experience joy and your life purpose in its fullness.

Some of us never experience Flow because we are hustling too much, all in the hope of owning the best of the best. Material possessions and competing with others has never, and will never bring,
anyone permanent happiness.

 

No two lives will be the same. We are all born with different gifts, and our paths will be different. Hustling to be like someone else is a complete waste of time. Find your own Flow in Life, and
you will then truly live a life of purpose.

 

In my 30s, I subconsciously entered into the rat race. Planning, planning, planning…to have 5–10 practices all over the US. Hoping for big homes. Planning for a lavish lifestyle. Nowhere in there
did I include influencing people. I was teaching medical students, but not really with a conscious desire to touch their lives. I didn't really value my self-care and self-love. Life consisted of
long days of go go go. Many things had to give and change in my life, and in my late 30s, I gradually started to see the light, and I really started to get it. I began to read books on
spirituality and started journaling, and I realized my life needed some changes.

 

Here I am in my late 40s, and I feel so much better, like I'm living my purpose. All I had to do was the above points I made. I reprioritized my life, let go of negative company, and started to
experience Flow.

Start planning to unplan some parts of your life, and your true purpose will then be attracted to you.

May you find permanent happiness as you begin to let go of controlling every area of your life.

Sunset Cruise and Boat Ride in Cabo

Photo shoot on the beach before the sunset cruise.

Arriving at the marina.

Selfie on the cruise.

A colorful cocktail before sunset.

Fun with my daughters!

Spectacular sunset!

The famous rocks at sunset. Incredible rock formations at sea—El Arco de Cabo San Lucas.

Amazing sunset!

Sky on fire!

One more sunset picture…

The marina and city view at the end of our sunset cruise.

Day 2—arriving at the marina for a daytime boat ride.

Hello there!

Soaking in the sun, the ocean breeze, and the peace all around.

Posing. :-)

The boat crew caught mahi mahi for their dinner, and they let me take a picture with it!

My kids returning from snorkeling.

Gift shops at the marina.

Old town of San Jose del Cabo

Waiting for our ride from our resort. Headed out to the old town of San Jose del Cabo to sightsee and have dinner.

 

This is me with my daughters and friends. It's always fun to vacation with friends, especially old friends.

Old town!

A hotel in the old town. Lovely Mexican architecture.

Close up of the entrance to the hotel. The tile accents on the steps are so pretty.

Time for dinner—tacos!!

Chips and guacamole to start.

Hot to Hottest. These sauces will set your mouth on fire!

Yummy tacos…pork, shrimp, and fish trio.

Perfect dinner with friends and family.

Lovely buildings with hanging potted plants.

I could not resist taking a pic by this lovely red gate.

Organic soaps and fresh vegetables at the market.

The city church st the central plaza.

Los Cabos, Mexico

Los Cabos, Mexico.

Pretty welcome sign as you step out from the airport doors.

Esperanza resort, An Auberge resort.

A spectacular resort!

Be inspired by nature at its best!

Palm trees, varieties of cacti, and beautiful flowers like hibiscus make this destination in Mexico truly breathtaking.

Plunge pool in our room on the top floor was a very nice feature!

Ah-mazing ocean views!

Fresh fruit at the pool—mango carefully and cleverly carved into a mango popsicle!

Fresh, light salads with fresh seafood. Yum!

Of course, the spa is delightful. Took yoga classes here every morning, and my daughters and I enjoyed specialty massages and body wraps.

Soooo many varieties of cacti. Soooo beautiful. Marveling at nature.

What's a trip to Mexico without hand made corn tortillas made into tacos and quesadillas. All made with fresh veggies.

Hmmmm.....I could take these views in every single day.

Esperanza resort at night. Stunning!

Fresh habaneros and jalapeños. Spicy!!!

Restaurant Cucina Del Mar, on a cliff. Refreshing ocean breeze. Spectacular views. Fresh food. Peace!!

Cacti and palm trees side by side!

Sun, sand, palm trees, ocean, pools—Permanent Happiness!

The Four Seasons resort, Walt Disney World

The Four Seasons Resort, Walt Disney World. One of my favorite hotels. This was our second stay here.

 

This hotel has everything you need for a fantastic stay and a lot more, including a beautiful lobby.

View from outside is clean and breathtaking.

One of the best cafes I've been to. Lickety Split has everything you need for a quick breakfast, light snack, and variety of beverages....not to talk of a sweet selection of gelatos. Located
right in the lobby of the hotel.

The grounds of the hotel are really peaceful and pretty.

The lazy river is a great feature in the hotel. You can stay in here all day and even forget to visit the big water parks! Really nice.

I absolutely love the flower arrangements in the lobby. Very tasteful and pretty.

An ice cold cup of healthy drinks as you head out of the hotel refreshes you as you head into scorching temperatures outside.

Lavish light fixtures

No hotel is complete without a NICE spa!

The children's pool and fountain area.

My kids absolutely love the water slide! Another great feature in the hotel.

Halibut dinner at the Capa restaurant on the 17th floor. So tasty. Here, you can watch the fireworks every night at 9pm.

Dessert-Coconut cream cheese cake. Dinner is never complete without dessert!

Four Seasons, Orlando at night. Very beautiful!