Iyabo Ojikutu's Blog, page 12
June 19, 2017
Have You Written Your Life Story?
Each one of us has a life story. A unique one. From the day we took our first breaths to date. Good memories, bad memories. Exciting memories, apathetic memories. Joyful memories, sad memories.
Together they make up our own unique and special life stories.
The best life stories are written by the individual themselves, not told by other parties.
Are you brave enough to write down your entire life story and be at peace with every aspect of it?
Will you be able to smile even when you write down the bad, sad, and apathetic parts of your life story?
How much of your life can you recall by yourself without the help of others?
Do you have the courage to complete the entire process of penning down every thought about your life that comes to mind as you write?
As you have probably read in some of my earlier blog posts, the writing of my first book came automatically to me. It started with my life story. I penned down key parts of my entire story from
early childhood to the time of my dad’s passing. As I did this, I felt a freedom and release within me. I was able to really connect with my own spirit and with God, and I felt peace as I wrote
and when I read over my story. All the parts connected better, lessons popped out, and I was inspired to keep writing.
As I wrote my second book, I was then further inspired to use parts of my life story as connecting aspects and examples to that topic also.
Writing our own individual life stories is a big part of our self-growth and self-development. The process moves us toward achieving our dreams, as we are able to grasp fully who we really are,
as we connect with our own selves all over again.
WRITE down your life story.FIND clarity.BE at peace with your life.
Start today. Complete your story to date, and then continue this practice by journaling on a daily basis.
You will be transformed!
June 16, 2017
The Red Flags in Our Lives
Are you actively ignoring yours?
I've had many red flags in my life. I've tried my best not to ignore them.
Those warning signs from God that start off with yellow blinking caution lights and then turn into flashing red lights. Eventually, the red light just stays on and stops blinking. And it doesn't
go away until you notice it.
Some of us eventually decide to act on what the red light is telling us. Some of us completely pretend it's not there and just go on about our days.
The latter group, even though they act like they don't notice the red hazard light, it’s still present in their subconscious and physical selves. It often manifests as that knot in their backs,
the rumbling in their stomachs, or the tension in their heads that won't go away. They notice the manifestation in their bodies every day, but they attribute those symptoms to other causes.
Oh, my mattress is not comfortable. It keeps hurting my back and giving me cramps.
That food doesn't agree with my stomach. It's constantly giving me gas.
I have too many tasks at work, and they give me a headache.
All these could be true, and do make sense, but the point is, there's something deeper causing the physical symptoms. It usually is not the obvious finger pointing and blame placing at those
other superficial causes.
The cause is often a deep-seated one that affects our daily lives, leads to emotional and spiritual imbalances, and eventually to physical symptoms.
The statement “trust your instinct” or “trust your gut feelings” is related to this.
The blinking yellow light and flashing red lights are exactly this. Those lights are reminding us to trust ourselves and go with what our instincts, our guts, are telling us to do.
Notice the statement uses “gut” as the description. Why not any other part of our bodies?
Because many symptoms in our gut are related to our emotional and spiritual states. Have you been so nervous before about a situation that you've had to run to the bathroom back to back because
your bowels just became super-active?
We transfer a lot of our emotional and psychological feelings into our guts, and that shows up as a variety of gastrointestinal symptoms.
Ever heard of irritable bowel syndrome? That nonspecific condition that “has no definite cause” but is believed to be due, in part, to psychological imbalance.
Obviously, you must consult your physician as soon as you notice any symptoms.
However, do not allow red flags to stay in your life too long. Stop ignoring them. You already know they will never go away.
I’ve had quite a few in my life. The most recent one was during the process of looking for a new sitter to hire to help with my younger daughter. When a gal came over for the interview, I had
that gut feeling—the yellow blinking light—after she shared some interactions with her mom relating to medications. Her body language also seemed uneasy, and this became the flashing red lights.
She, however, had some good traits, and I felt a connection with her. But I was not completely at ease with hiring her, so a constant red light followed me over the few days of my
decision-making. I went back and forth with my decision. I was unsure…until my daughter, while surfing through Instagram, found her profile…and alas, she had 50K followers…and hundreds of
nude/seminude pictures. Well, you now know what my decision was! Our values did not align. I’m glad I did not jump to hire her. I gave myself time to ponder the warning signs.
So if you ignore these red flags, one of two things will happen. They will stay lurking and circling around your daily life and block you from experiencing the complete and full life that God has
given you.
Or, as you notice them, you act on them, and let go of them quickly and never look back. This then leads to your freedom and to the straight path to your complete and whole life.
People around you don't need to wave your own red flags at you. You already know they are there. You vividly saw the yellow warning sign, and you cannot miss the bright flashing red one or the
eventual bright and constant red one that stays until you act on it.
Don't pretend you can't see them and then wait around for others to point out your own red flags to you, and tap you on the shoulder and say, “Hey, have you seen this red flag? It's all around
you. It's pretty bright. How can you not see it?”
When are you going to act on it?
This happens way too often to us.
We ignore red flags and red lights for far too long and remain in a state of blockage from our blessings.
Everyone sees them around us, but us. We prefer to numb them out.
Which red flags in your life are you ignoring?
How many are there? One? Two? Five?
Have you been ignoring them for so long in your life, you now feel stuck and they now feel like part of you?
Have you accepted complacency and welcomed red flags permanently into your daily life?
You know what they are. Write them down today, listen to what they are telling you, and make a decision to let go and let in.
those negative parts of your life and allow new, better, and more
positive experiences to flow in.
You will be pleasantly surprised at the freedom you experience.
Waving Red flags, flashing yellow caution lights, flashing danger red lights, and constant danger red lights are all God's way of sending messages to us.
Trust yourself to listen to God.
He wants only the best for you.
June 14, 2017
Does Your Comfort Zone Lie in Your Past?
Would you rather dwell in your past world than flourish in your present world? Are the thoughts of your past more comfortable than the dreams of your future? Do you feel the emotion of fear at
thoughts of your future goals? Are the emotions of security and comfort present when you dwell on thoughts of your past?
Most of us dwell in the past for way too long. In my opinion, there are only two advantages of our past lives. Only two. Anything else you think of can be grouped under these two categories:
No. 1 is to give us sweet memories of all the happenings and events of our past birthdays, anniversaries, marriages, project breakthroughs, successes, memories of our travels, work
achievements, healing from ailments, our children's milestones, and so on.
No. 2 is to give us unlimited and continuous lessons and life-growth tools so that we are fully equipped for our future trials—failed businesses or projects, divorces, failed friendships,
health problems, avoidable injuries, money issues like bad debt or bankruptcy, death of loved ones, and so on.
These two purposes of our past are very important to our lives. However, we must view them as advantages and treat them as such. Celebrating our sweet memories makes us happier and more peaceful
people. It fills us with gratitude, and we look forward to making more sweet memories. This contributes immensely to the strength of our present and future spiritual lives. We can then look
forward to the future with hope, joy, peace, and faith, as we long for more sweet memories to come.
This is the easy part of dealing with our pasts. The No. 1 advantage is pretty comfortable and soothing to us.
No. 2—not so much! The "negative" events in our pasts are more complex to deal with, and they bring us pain, not joy. However, it is your choice to view them as painful. It is OK to feel the
emotions of pain, sadness, and grief after such life events, but it is also your choice to quickly heal from them.
The only way healing can occur is if we extract the lessons from those past events and use them to make our future life events better. These "negative" events help us grow much faster than the
sweet events. They have more solid and concrete life lessons, and they were put in our lives to enhance another aspect of our futures.
We are not meant to dwell on them and have those events build a fortress around us and trap us from walking freely in to our awesome future lives.
They are purely lessons, and they are there to strengthen, empower, and build stamina for the future.
Examples
A failed business teaches you how to plan better and be more strategic for future businesses. Same applies for any failed projects.
A divorce teaches you how to be wiser in choosing a life partner in the future, and the role you have to play in making the union work. Same goes for failed friendships.
Health problems teach us how to take better care of our physical and spiritual lives. Reminder: spiritual ill health may lead to physical ill health, which may led to spiritual ill health,
and the cycle continues.
A car accident that occurs from excessive speed teaches you how to drive within the speed limit in the future (hopefully, if you survived it!).
A death of a loved one teaches us to love our loved ones dearly every day.
Do you notice a trend here?
All these negative events are there to empower you to do much better in your future.
What does No. 1 “sweet emotions” do to us? They make us feel very good, but there is not much to learn from them.
We learn the most from our adverse life events.
After my divorce, I was empowered to grow spiritually and to manage my practice a lot better. It is still thriving today. I quickly also learned that I was enough for myself.
After my dad passed, I took the spiritual connection with him and transformed it into the making of my first book and my overall writing career.
These were two painful events. They were beyond my control. I allowed myself to feel the pain and grief, but only for a limited time. I then extracted the lessons from those two life events and
used them for my life growth.
My comfort zone did not lie in the pain of those events.
My comfort zone was only in the lessons those events taught me.
I did not feel comfortable at all with my divorce and with my dad's passing.
I only felt comfortable when I was faced with the reality of the notion that I was enough, and I still had the power God had placed in me to go higher in my life.
And with my dad's passing, I felt comfortable as I connected with him in spirit, and this brought me peace.
These events had occurred. I could not change them. None of us has the power to change the past. But we have immense power over the future—only if we have learned lessons from the past and can
apply those to the future.
So if your comfort zone lies in your past, you are not growing. Your life has become static.
All you are thriving on is the No. 1 option advantage of your past—the sweet memories.
This is not enough.
You learn a lot more, grow a lot faster, if you refuse to dwell in the pains and failures of the past, and you start to extract those growth tools and soar with them. Do not use the sweet
memories as an excuse to lie in the comfort zone of your past negative events.
We must be flourishing in our past sweet memories and flourishing in the lessons being extracted from our past negative events.
Our pasts must be win-win for us.
Make two tables in your journals today:
Keep adding to this list daily.
You are truly thriving and living a full life if you can freely write these down and skip happily into your future with them.
June 12, 2017
Unproductive Worry versus Productive Worry
Worry, if done constantly, and in excess, is poison to our souls. Worry does not solve any problems. Worry magnifies them and makes our problems and life choices insurmountable.
If you are constantly running the same idea, life choice, or life situation over and over in your mind and have consulted fifty friends and family members about it, and still cannot make a
choice, that is unproductive poisonous worry. Or if you seemingly make a decision but are still not at peace with it for a prolonged period, and the situation keeps pacing back and forth in your
mind, even after making the choice, that is also unproductive worry, and it will keep your spirit in bondage and lock down. A spirit in bondage leads to chronically curved lifelines. Our
spiritual and physical lifelines cannot move smoothly forward if we are always worrying.
Life will pass you by if you cannot make decisions and be at peace with them.
Why can't some of us be at peace with our decisions?
Why can't we trust ourselves to know we will be just fine with the decision, or that the project will be successful?
Do we even know what we mean by a decision, project, or life choice being successful?
Are our expectations of our choices flipped so we are worrying about what doesn't even matter?
Are we so focused on money and riches and provision we are scared to trust ourselves?
Unproductive worry is common in those of us who have not taken the time to love, trust, and honor ourselves. If your love-, trust-, and honor-yourself needs are placed in the hands of someone
else, you will worry for the rest of your life.
I know that sounds pretty harsh, but it is so true.
Let's look at it this way. It is a huge responsibility being responsible for someone else's happiness, peace, and significance. But some of us are so quick to dump our peace and fulfillment
processes in someone else's hands.
The only time this should happen is with our children. We adults are responsible for leading them on the right path. But once they become adults, they are responsible for themselves. We can still
be present for them, of course, as appropriate and with boundaries, but their lives are in their hands.
If you, only you, yourself, just you are responsible for your own inner peace and permanent happiness, you will have no choice but to trust yourself, drop worry, and move ahead with peace and
confidence that you have made the right choices for you. You will then stick to your decision and pour everything you need into it to make it work. But one thing is for sure—you only want peace
for yourself, so you will be fine, regardless of the outcome.
However, if you are constantly looking to someone else for your peace and life purpose fulfillment, you will constantly be in a state of worry.
Why?
Let's back up a few paragraphs. Remember the harsh statement?
You don't trust yourself enough to love, trust, accept, and honor yourself. Imagine if you can't even do it for yourself and you've placed the responsibility in another human being's hands, how
will you not worry? Your life is in his or her hands—that's a scary thing to do. Super scary for the recipient! And should be really really scary for the giver and the dumper too!
This dumping act occurs in all relationships—parent/child, friend/friend, mentor/person, husband/wife, boyfriend/girlfriend, partner/partner. The last three are the most common ones where this
dumping and placing of responsibility most often happens.
We women are quick to do this. A few men do it too. Women, we were taught to believe our spouses are the all in all and will provide "all" for us. A pretty hefty responsibility for a human being.
A pretty hefty surrender of our own gifts and internal power to someone else.
Does it feel good, awesome, to be cared for by a man, to be loved by a man? Yes, it does feel good. Every man should love and cherish his wife or life/love partner, as appropriate in all
relationships. But…that should not be the passport and the gateway to us surrendering our gifts, God-given power, or life purpose into his hands. If he wants you to do that, it's a bad idea. If
you are the one who wants to do it, it's a bad idea.
So, if your life is filled with unproductive worry, it is because you have not learned self-love, self-trust, self-acceptance, and self-honoring.
When that’s not the case, you are constantly worried because your life goals and life direction are completely dependent on another human being.
That would certainly make me worried.
But you can change this. You can free yourself from the bondage.
Healthy relationships do exist with two people who individually trust and love themselves and give each other the space to flourish according to their own God-given gifts and power. Neither stops
the other, but instead they are at peace with each other's goals.
Receiver/dumper relationships never work.
Lack of self-worth and self-fulfillment births unproductive worry.
Productive worry is when you are in control of your own dreams and goals and are working diligently to make them come alive.
This type of worry is short lived, as you are able to walk up the steps, achieve your goals, and be what God placed you in this universe for—to use your goals to inspire and elevate others. You
are not pacing or walking around in a circle. You are walking up steps to the higher place.
Two people who join together in productive worry change the world. Their light shines, they live in freedom and at peace, and are good with each other.
This is because they know the importance of self-love, self-trust, and self-honoring before they committed to a relationship.
Now I’ll switch the title to:
My hope and prayer for you is to have more productive worry in your life and to work on phasing out the unproductive type.
It is possible!
Trust and love yourself.
June 9, 2017
Are You a Clueless Parent?
Are you a voice for your children? For all children? Children in your community, in this country? Your country of origin or country of birth? Are you a voice for all children of the world?
Our children need a voice. There are way too many hurting kids. From age zero to 18, our kids are being forgotten. They are hungry for our voices. Our voices of protection. Our voices of
wisdom.
Have you looked your kids in the eye lately? For long enough to know what they are feeling? Have you hugged them long enough so that, even without saying a word, they know you are their voice?
Are you connecting with them on a deep enough level to feel what they are feeling? Or does everyone in your home just have a deep relationship with their electronic devices and not with each
other?
Do you know your kids' friends?
Do you know your kids’ friends' parents?
Do you understand their family values? Are their values in keeping with yours? Are they fine with their middle and high schooler drinking? And you are not?
Do they smoke cigarettes, weed, or do other drugs in the presence of their children, and you are not fine with it?
Do they look at porn in the presence of their kids, or if not that, are their kids aware of a parent’s porn addiction? Or perhaps there is an older child or other relative in the household who is
looking at porn?
Do you know if cursing is the primary language in your child's friend's home and if it's only once in a while that a normal word pops into the mix?
Do their kids mock the name of God, and you are not OK with that?
Do you know who else might be visiting the home where your kids are at a sleepover? You may think you know the parents or the siblings. You, however, may not know Uncle or Aunty who is shooting
up drugs or who happens to be a pedophile and is stopping by.
Or perhaps loaded unlocked guns can be found on the dinner table?
My daughters and I
When was the last time you had a discussion with your children about their online social lives? That cyberspace world they all live in now? What they are actually doing and saying and posting on
those rectangular electronic devices they constantly stare at—even at 3:00 a.m. when you think they are asleep?
Perhaps your child is already doing drugs, and you have no clue? Having unprotected sex, and you have no clue? Do you remain in denial and imagine and believe your child is still that bundle of
innocence you've known since toddler age? Are you just simply clueless about your kids’ well-being?
Our children are our hope for a bright future.
June 7, 2017
Wealth Is Overrated
Who is the happiest person you've ever met? Can you remember who it was? What was the person like? How did you figure out that they were truly and authentically happy? Was the person
wealthy?
I've met a few people who have seemed authentically happy. Two sisters who co-owned a gift shop in Turks and Caicos Islands. My daughters and I met them during our travel there last year. They
just seemed happy, seemed to have really good hearts, and were cheerful. They connected well with everyone who stepped into their store. I just felt a really good vibe coming from them. They
seemed content. At peace with life. We had a short conversation with them. The five of us took pictures together. That day has stuck in my memory. It brings a smile to my face.
Do you have any such memories of authentically happy people you have met?
What type of qualities did they have?
How did they make you feel about yourself?
Were they wealthy?
In what setting did you meet them?
How long have you known them?
Was it just a brief meeting?
I am curious to read your answers, but I doubt many of us will name wealthy people as the happiest we have met or the happiest people in the world. I understand we may not have personally met the
super wealthy to be able to comment on their happiness states, but we must have some wealthy friends or acquaintances. Mansions, an abundance of luxury cars, expensive jewelry, the best of the
best clothes etc.
Absolutely nothing wrong with these things! But do they really bring us happiness? Do they bring us joy? Peace? No, they do not. They absolutely don't. So why are we so hyperfocused on acquiring
more and more and more? Trying to keep up with the Joneses next door? Flashing things in people's eyes so people can equate our things with our greatness?
Wise men understand wealth and things do not equate with greatness, significance, happiness, or peace. They understand matters of the heart (the fruit of the spirit, Gal. 5:22) are what equate
with happiness, peace, and significance.
The word wise is very important here because if you have not gained wisdom in life, you will keep pursuing wealth in order to be happy. Some do this all through their lives till they
depart from this earth. They failed at living meaningful lives—they were too busy chasing after wealth that they missed the entire process of living and thriving. They were on the rat race of
life.
If your favorite motto or statement to yourself, and to others, is, “Let's make millions,” you are completely missing the mark.
It’s no surprise to me that it’s the very people who are incessant million chasers who are the very ones who never make the millions. Or they make it the wrong way and have no clue how to handle
it responsibly.
Millions of $$$, things, wealth are overrated. Matters of the heart are, however, underrated.
It's time for a shift. That project, dream, or gift you have—if your focus and goal are to make money from it, you will never be successful at it. However, if it is a
deep-seated passion, and you truly want to implement it and birth it for real change in the world, and your real goal is to change and elevate lives with it, only then will you be successful at
it. Only then will you elevate yourself also with it.
Matters of the heart and soul first; wealth and riches then may follow as perks.
Have you noticed that the happiest wealthiest people are the ones who give a lot of their money and things away? They have open, generous minds and hands. As they acquire more, they give more.
They get happier because they are positively touching lives. They then work harder at their goals, they make and acquire more, give more…and the beautiful cycle continues. They did not start off
hyperfocused on acquiring wealth. They worked hard at their passions and then started to give away the fruit of their labor. Then their work seemed effortless, because giving to others made them
happier. They were not acquiring more stuff just for themselves.
How could it be that this very thing we all want to acquire is most meaningful when it’s given away? Because the most meaningful aspect of living is helping others.
The rat race of acquiring more and more wealth and materialism brings few any good.
Instead, let us join the "ladybug race." The race to peace, race to spiritual devotion, calmness of soul, the race to change others lives in any way we can.
I spontaneously just made that up "the lady bug race." Just as I write reality, I can totally also make things up :-)
But it makes perfect sense. If you've read my book, you'll understand the meaning of ladybugs. They are a symbol and messenger of peace.
So wealth is overrated. It really is. Let's take the focus off being rich, living in big mansions, driving flashy cars, and showing off our stuff to others. Again, there is nothing wrong with
living a good life, but please don’t chase after it your whole life and have no time to smell the roses, travel to peaceful and beautiful destinations locally or around the world, and meet people
from other cultures.
Let's allow the focus to be using our gifts to make the world a better and more peaceful place for ourselves and for others. That's why we are here in this universe.
We must also teach our kids these truths. They really need to know this.
June 5, 2017
Sugar for the SOUL versus Sugar for the BODY
We all have our food weaknesses. Those cravings that cause our stomachs to shout out to us. Feed me! They often creep up on us late at night. Or just anytime, really. That voice that
directs us straight to the pantry, the refrigerator. Sometimes it even directs us to order some sugary takeout. Other times we actually get into our cars and drive somewhere to satisfy our sugar
cravings.
Sweets
Desserts
Sugary beverages
Soda
Bread
Pasta
White rice
White potatoes
We are aware all the above foods turn into sugar in our bodies. And alcohol is also partially digested into sugar.
We certainly need some carbs in our diets. They give us energy to carry out our daily activities. However, we are a carb-loving society...a carb-loving world. We are addicted to carbs. We consume
way too much carbohydrates—all the foods listed above, and more.
There is an epidemic of obesity in all age groups. Even our little children can no longer be described as "little."
Our physical health is directly related to our spiritual health and wellness. Too much sugar creates havoc in our physiologic states. It leads to
obesity,
diabetes,
high blood pressure,
metabolic syndrome,
premature aging, and
ultimately other complications that result from these conditions.
This then starts to affect us psychologically—our self-esteem takes a deep-down dive, and our spiritual essences start to falter. Then that dreaded, unending vicious cycle begins, and there seems
to be no way out. Physical ill health = Spiritual ill health = physical ill health = spiritual ill health… One leads to the next and keeps going on and on. The cycle becomes dizzying, and we
can't seem to find balance anymore.
I consume too much sugar and…I gain a lot of weight; I get ill; my body, joints, breathing, etc., can't function well; I can't perform my day-to-day activities; I get sad; I feel dejected; I feel
down; my self-esteem and confidence take a hit. The more I feel sad, the more I consume more sugar, because it makes me feel good temporarily, but then, that feel-good state only lasts an hour,
and then I feel more sad, and the cycle repeats itself.
How do we control this sugar craving? How do we reset and reshape our minds so we know when to stop consuming too much sugar? Can we find a simple solution? A simple motivator to help us limit
our sugar intake?
My answer is, my soul. (I am interested in hearing your answers and perspective on this question, so please be sure to comment below). I believe your soul is in direct communication with your
spirit—which is your deepest core. It is our spirits that connect us with our heavenly Father. Our souls give our spirits negative or positive feedback, and then the positive states of our
spirits helps us connect with God directly. Our souls consist of all those varied emotions: anger, sadness, denial, joy, peace, regret, lack of forgiveness, past failures, contentment, goodness,
and so on.
What am I getting at here? If we agree our primary intention is to nourish our souls when we are consuming carbs, we will be more mindful of how much we consume.
This has helped me personally curtail my cravings for sugar. I consume just enough sugar to nourish my soul. I am mindful when I'm eating. I know my soul only needs a small amount, and it is good
to go. I now know fully well that if I consume too much carbs, my intention is now to fill my body with sugar, which I do not need. My soul no longer benefits from this. I've gone over the
threshold, and my soul will hurt in many ways from the overconsumption of the carbs.
“Sugar for the soul versus sugar for the body—my soul is way more important than my body. My soul is closest to my spirit. My spirit is super important. My body is just the vessel that carries
these two around. It is important to me that my soul is filled with positive emotions so I can have a good life-spirit connection. I only need a small amount of carbs to nourish my soul. Once I
exceed that amount, I've gone over the threshold, and now the sugars will stay in my body and cause physical discomfort or illness, which will immediately also cause spiritual illness in me. This
may affect my connection with God, and that is not something I want to compromise on.”
If you write this in your journal, reflect on it, repeat it in your mind several times, it will stick. It works. Trust yourself to make it work. Nourish your soul instead of pouring sugar into
your body.
A little sugar nourishes our souls.Too much sugar sickens our bodies.
In the meantime, I will get back to my sliver slice of red velvet cake and my cup of hot lemon green tea with no sugar. I will savor each bite and allow it to nourish my soul.
Till we meet again in a few days to learn something else from each other…
June 2, 2017
Path-Finding Questions We Must Ask Ourselves
I am writing this post to challenge us all. To get us thinking. To get us pondering our life situations so we can have more clarity. To make us ask ourselves questions that only we can
answer.
Pick out your favorite journal, write these questions down, and answer them honestly and purely. The answers may be one sentence, or they may fill an entire page, or you may get lost in writing
and write an entire book.
The key is, you must do it on your own. Find some quiet time, make a cup of tea or grab a glass of water with lemon, and be fully connected with yourself as you pour your heart out.
After you've written your honest answers, you can then share with close trusted friends, or come back to share with me, or share with the world. But do not ask for others' opinions while you are
answering the questions. This is key.
The answers must flow authentically through you.
Here we go:
• Are you too busy to get busy living out your dreams?
• What do you define as living out your dreams?
• Do you know what your gifts are?
• Are you fully aware that your gifts translate into your dreams?
• What/Who has prevented you from living out your dreams?
• Can you identify what is wrong with the question above?
• Are you seeking out experts in the area of your dreams, or are you running your dreams and goals by your family, spouse, and friends?
• Do you feel challenged every day in your career, or are you stuck in the routines, comfort, and complacency of your career path?
• Are you a constant worrier?
• Are you a procrastinator?
The beginning of achieving our dreams is being true and honest with ourselves.
If you are detached from your own being and lie to yourself, how will you be honest and authentic with others?
Some of us have lived a life full of lies to ourselves. We know we are wasting away time by pretending we don't know what it takes to achieve our dreams.
We blame everything and everyone around us, except ourselves, for blocking us from our goals.
We get busy serving others and consistently forget to serve ourselves.
Our dreams are our goals in life. We must visualize them in great detail, ponder them carefully, plan for their realization, celebrate their successes, and never quit on them.
To quit on your dream is to quit on life itself.
Cease to dream, and you will cease to thrive.
Are you dreaming for everyone else—your kids, your spouse, your life partner, family, friends?
You must dream for yourself first and celebrate yourself first. Only then will your life freely flow into your loved ones’ lives.
May 31, 2017
Using Your SIMPLE Mind to Tackle COMPLEX Life Situations
I now fully realize that life situations and decisions are not complex.
We humans choose to make them complex by ignoring our simple minds and our innate simple life-solving skills.
is being totally present for yourself first. Your mind must become
alone during the first step.
You must empty your mind of other people's opinions, words, past failures, negative feelings, and just “be.”
These people I'm referring to include everybody—your loved ones, work colleagues, acquaintances, mentors, president of your country…
Wipe out all their opinions and words during this step.
Simplify your mind. Be present. Only for yourself.
• What does Iyabo want?
• What does Iyabo aspire for?
• What does Iyabo need within her own self to get this done?
• Is Iyabo up to this challenge? Will she stay the course?
• Will Iyabo touch, inspire, elevate herself during the solving of this “complex” life decision/situation?
• Will Iyabo then go on to inspire, elevate, and motivate others during this process?
• Will Iyabo promise herself she won't lose the connection with herself during this process?
Iyabo will then proceed to write all these answers and promises down in her journal and reflect on them daily.
You need solitude while processing this connection with yourself. You must make time for this solitude.
You will surely connect with your deepest core—your spirit. As you do this, then that connection will head straight up to the Perfect Problem Solver—our heavenly Father. He wants your undivided
attention during this time. It is just you and Him.
Please do not pull in the words and opinions of your spouse, parents, family, or friends just yet.
He needs your pure mind during this initial step of your problem-solving / life-decision process.
It's that simple at this point in the process.
We pretend the life decision or situation is complex, but that's not the case.
We have ignored the vital, simple part of our mind. God blessed us with simple and clear minds so that we can also view situations and life decisions simply, handle them with clarity, and be at
peace with our final decisions and chosen directions.
Once we connect deep within ourselves, connect with God, make the decision whatever the situation may be, and write it down, then we must move forward with it.
The next step is also simple.
Now, we must start to research the plan to tackle this situation. Read books on that subject matter, research online. Educate yourself first about that particular situation or life decision.
Write key points in your journal.
It is still simple, correct? Yes, it is.
There is no complexity in this step. Focus on your simple, clear mind. Don't get frazzled. Don't bring in thoughts, opinions, mumblings from others just yet.
The last and third step is also simple.
Search for, find, fish out up to three experts in the field/life situation/decision you're trying to tackle. Only three maximum to begin with.
Anything more than three goes from expert advice and wisdom to noise, clutter, and confusion in your mind.
Anything more than three experts changes the state of the simple mind to a complex mind.
Now, with these three steps in full perspective, you MUST EXECUTE, keep your faith, and stay the course.
You can keep repeating those three steps all through the entire process. You most likely will need to.
Once you've decided to execute and are well on your way, you can then share your latest life decision, project, next move with a few trusted loved ones and few steadfast friends who you know are
positive thinkers and are optimists.
Some of us have completely reversed this order of solving problems and making life decisions.
Instead of doing the above, we tell our friends and families first—we pour out our fears, doubts, and confused states of mind onto them. Sometimes, our hyperexcited, euphoric state of mind is
what we are pouring out to them.
Then when we notice we are still confused and they haven't helped us, and the level of noise has increased in our minds, we then may start scrambling for those who are experts. Our judgement is
probably already clouded, and we may even choose unwisely concerning experts.
Then, in this already complex, cluttered state of mind, we start to seek out God but can't seem to hear His voice. We can't seem to make the connection with Him.
This is because we are now, in all this complexity, battling ourselves and struggling to find ourselves. We can barely even connect with our own cores, our deepest essences—our spirits.
It has become unreachable. It is buried in the complex mind.
We made it that way…because the order of our steps was completely flipped around.
It is time to take our steps in the right order. Please read this post, read again…and again…and…again.
Let it sink in.
Ordering my steps in the proper and simple sequence has helped me a great deal! My hope is for this to help you too!
May 29, 2017
Eye Contact Leads to a Clear Path in Life
On Sunday, May 7, my younger daughter, Moni (13 years old), and I had just finished our church service and decided to walk across the street to the Bed Bath & Beyond store. There were cops
directing traffic, and they helped us cross the main street. As we stepped safely to the other side of the street, we approached an upward ramp that was the exit for the underground parking
lot.
As we attempted to cross that second path, a car suddenly drove up the ramp, and the driver was completely focused on the car to her left, making sure it was OK to drive onto the main street. We
were standing on her right, ready to cross over.
My daughter immediately held my hand and said "Mummy, she's not making eye contact with us. We can't cross yet."
Wow. This was a proud mummy moment for me. As we eventually crossed over safely, I expressed to Moni how proud I was of her. And she said, "But that's what you've always told me when we're
crossing, Mummy. You always say, ‘If they don't look at you and are not making eye contact, it's not safe to cross the road.'"
I felt warm inside and transferred the warmth to her with a big hug.
But my pondering did not stop there. As is normal for me, I examined that situation back and forth in my mind all day. I woke up on Monday morning and finally poured out my lightbulb aha thoughts
about that happening on Sunday into writing in my journal.
If we do not make eye contact with someone else when crossing the road, it is not safe to cross in front of them. It is not safe to move to the next step. It is not safe to head in a forward
direction. Not only is it not safe, but it is impossible without being knocked down and hurt or knocked down and killed.
As Moni said when we crossed over safely. "Wow, Mummy, if we were not careful, if we crossed in front of her without her making eye contact, she would have hit us and knocked us down, because she
just was not looking our way."
I'm certain this is welling up different thoughts in you as you read on.
If we are not making eye contact, seeing eye to eye with others, we cannot make the connections, cannot continue on our forward paths with them. We cannot cross the road to the other side with
them. We cannot proceed in forward motion with them.
This applies to many aspects of our existence and our life growth. Our relationships-personal and work—cannot thrive without making eye contact and meaningful connections. It applies to all forms
of human divisions also.
How can we begin to reconcile based on race, religion, gender inequalities, and/or economic differences if we don't sit at a round table and look the other person in the eye and make
meaningful and purposeful connections.
This will then enable us to cross to the other side and continue on life's forward journey with freedom and with a feeling of safety with the other person.
Without these eye contacts, we may be looking at others we want to reconcile with, but they do not see us. They are focused in other directions. If we cross in front of them without prior
meaningful connections, we may get immediately knocked down. But as we look at them and they see us, and a smile appears on each of our faces, soulful intentions are shared, and this is the
beginning of acknowledgment, honoring of others, and allowing a safe path in front of us to enable them to walk freely and keep moving forward.
We must be fully present in our daily lives to get these messages as we go about our busy days.
Messages, lessons, lightbulb aha moments are everywhere around us, every single day. If we will only notice them, ponder them, write them down, learn from them, and pass them on to others, who
then continue passing them on and on and on, we would all begin to transform from within and change our world for good.
