Iyabo Ojikutu's Blog, page 2
January 20, 2020
A Letter to My Little Black Daughters: Mentorship and Lighting Others’ Lights
Hello, my little black daughters,
How did the 2019 holiday season go for you? Mine was superb. I took some time off social media and really soaked in the presence and company of my growing family! Growing family? No, I’m not
pregnant. You can breathe again. Inhale, Exhale. OK. Good. Lol!
I got engaged in the fall of 2019, so it was a pleasure spending my first Christmas with my fiancé, his two sons, and my two daughters.
And I can’t leave out my granddog, Luna—my oldest daughter’s dog, who was the star of the show over Christmas. Oh my, I wish I had half that puppy’s energy. His nickname should be Rocket,
considering how he runs so fast with excitement when he sees me that he leaps in the air and charges straight at me, just like a rocket. We lost count of how many times the six of us said,
“Lunaaaaa, sit!”
So Christmas was very exciting, laid back, relaxing, and a first for all of us. New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day were equally laid back and restful. We ushered in the new year at home after a
few tapas at a nearby Buckhead restaurant.
My family also grew because I added two more black daughters to my family. The holidays can be really stressful for some, especially with extended family around. Difficult topics are brought up
by some family members. Hurt may resurface, and people simply get bogged down by all the activity and sensory overstimulation.
Two young ladies I’ve known for some time reached out to me a few days before Christmas, just needing someone to talk to, to help them sort through some confusing and sad times.
Their situations were similar. They were feeling inadequate and unfulfilled in their career paths, and there were relatives around for the holidays who were reminding them of everything they had
failed to achieve career-wise. They both were doubting the paths they were on and reached out to me for clarity. One of them said she had cried for a week almost nonstop. Both were married and
had kids under five years old.
I did the best I could. Took time off from focusing on myself and my new family of six and carved out time to chat with them over the phone. I listened, empathized, felt each emotion they were
experiencing, and offered the best clarity and insight I could. They both said they felt a lot better and were ready to navigate life on a lighter and more positive note. This was a 2019
Christmas highlight for me and made it even more special. I felt the pain these two young women felt, and I also equally felt their relief after our conversations. I’ve kept in touch with them,
and they are happier and more energized to begin this new year.
Trust me, as I turn 50 this year, every scenario I’ve discussed with young women, I’ve also personally experienced at one time or the other, so it just shows how similar and intertwined all our
lives are. Green, yellow, white, black, African, Asian, European, immigrant, nonimmigrant, short, tall, rich, poor…we all have human issues we have to deal with from time to time.
The light within us glows for a season, then it may get dim for a season, and unfortunately, at times our light goes out completely. The last situation is one we all want to avoid. We must
recognize when the light within us is about to completely burn out, and we must reach out for help from trusted people. This is why I was glad those two ladies reached out to me over Christmas.
My little black daughters, please do not allow that glowing light within you to burn out. Do not allow it to get extinguished. As soon as you start to feel down, helpless, hopeless, sad,
depressed, confused, please reach out for help. If you’re still living at home with your parents, please talk to them. Your parents love you, but you have to speak up. If your parents are not
available or accessible, identify a trusted relative or mentor you can reach out to. Having a mentor for your good and not-so-good times is crucial as young women.
While you are going through seasons when your light is glowing bright and you are at your best, that’s a good time to identify a mentor you can connect with easily. Ask them if you can reach out
when things are not as good or when you need guidance and uplifting.
My little black daughters, don’t wait till you are down and your light is burned out before you identify a mentor. Do it today, and ask to have a chat with them now, or even meet in person for
tea or coffee, and ensure you both connect on many levels.
Secure a mentor for yourself when life is good, so you can reach out to them when life is not so good to you. Don’t wait till things fall apart inside you before you secure a mentor.
Who is a mentor?
A mentor is a person experienced in a particular field or business who shares the benefits of that experience with a younger person just coming up, called a mentee. The role of a mentor is
usually to help mentees set up an action plan to achieve specific career goals, though a mentor can provide guidance in other areas of a mentee’s life as well. (As defined on masterclass.com.)
My little black daughters, have you identified a mentor who can help you set up an action plan to achieve your specific career goals and who can provide guidance in other areas of your life?
If your answer is yes, well done!
If your answer is no, what are you waiting for?
Make today the day you identify and secure a mentor!
How Do You Find a Mentor?
Look for someone you’d like to be like. Read about them on their social media profiles. Request to follow or friend them. Ask for a meeting in person or by Skype or even just a phone call to kick
the mentorship relationship off. Be mindful of their time. Don’t push too hard to meet. This is why you should secure a mentor when you are doing well, so you can already have a connection with
them for not-so-good times. Relatives and family friends can also be good mentors.
Choose wisely. Choose someone you look up to, who shares your values, and with whom you have a good rapport with and can be vulnerable with.
Things You Shouldn’t Do in the Process of Securing a Mentor
Don’t ask someone you are physically, romantically, or emotionally attracted to, to mentor you.
Be cautious and tactful if asking someone of the opposite sex to mentor you. This could get dicey if attraction develops.
It’s probably not wise to ask your boss to mentor you. You need someone outside of your workplace, someone who is neutral.
If you feel your mentor is holding you back or is negative and dismissive of everything you share, it’s OK to tell them “thanks, but no thanks” in a polite way.
My little black daughters, we are all on this earth to light others’ lights. To add value to others’ lives and be of influence to them.
Look for people who will light your light, and then you must pass it on and light others’ lights too.
As I posted recently on my social media, I love the Christmas service at my home church, Buckhead church. As we walk in for service, we are all handed small white candles. Then during the
service, with the lights dim, a few church staff come out to light a few of those candles. Then each of us starts lighting candles all around us, and within just a few minutes, the entire church
is lit with candlelight. It’s such a moving and powerful visual of lighting others’ lights.
In 2020, and this decade, and beyond, join me in advocating for lighting others’ lights as we, one person at a time, make the world a better place for all of us.
Please add the hashtag #lightotherslight whenever you post a topic related to this mission.
May we all be permanently happy as we light others’ lights!
December 16, 2019
Traveling experiences to inspire you-Barcelona, Spain
When you find yourself thinking of visiting a city the third time, you know it made a lasting impact on you.
Barcelona, Spain, our Thanksgiving holiday destination November 2019. The last time we visited was 7 years ago, and my daughters loved it, so we decided to return.
What I love most about this city is, it’s an ‘all in one city”. If you’re looking for history, architecture, city life, beautiful urban beaches, modern to rustic hotels, good food (lots of
fresh seafood), and great shopping, and to top the list for me—it’s a walking city, then you must consider Barcelona on your next trip.
It is a city on the coast of northeastern Spain, and the capital of the community of Catalonia; with a population of 1.6 million. This makes it the sixth most populous urban area in the European
Union after Paris, London, Madrid, the Ruhr area in Germany and Milan.
The languages spoken are Spanish and Catalan, of which the latter is spoken more predominantly. If you’ve been following me on social media for a while, you probably have gathered that I love to
walk outdoors. I research places to walk when planning most vacations. The pictures below show you my favorite place in Barcelona. It’s called La Barceloneta—the beautiful area that
stretches for miles and miles starting from the world famous W hotel.
In picture below, you can see the sunrise sparkling, right on top of the sail-shaped W hotel in the distance. All along this walking path, you’ll see the gorgeous beach, rows of palm trees,
seafood and paella restaurants, street performers, shops, hotels and more!
Hotel
There’s an endless variety of hotels to fit every budget in Barcelona. On this visit, we stayed at the Serras Hotel. A modem, chic yet rustic hotel in the city center with views from the rooftop overlooking Marina Port Vell. Second picture below was taken on the rooftop of the Serras Hotel. The service at the hotel was impeccable, rooms were
clean, beds comfy, well air conditioned and the breakfast was delightful!
Food
And what’s a good holiday without yummy food. Barcelona is synonymous with paella. Everywhere you turn, there’s a restaurant serving paella-seafood, chicken, mixed types and even
noodle/vermicelli paella.
Seafood of every variety can be found in many restaurants too. You can turn to the trusted Trip Advisor for recommendations that will suit your needs! We tried a handful of paella in different
restaurants and there were only slight differences in taste and value for money.
Tapas are also a common cuisine choice in Barcelona. You can find options for these on Trip Advisor too. And.....why do I have a picture of Chinese cuisine on a Barcelona travel
blog? Well, because, my younger, 15 year old daughter, for some reason, has to have Peking duck at every holiday destination! So, there you go....yummy Peking duck at restaurant Shanghai Stories .
Iguazu is a hidden gem, just off the Main Street of La Barcelonata. We found it the first time we
visited the city, and went the second time we visited....and found it again this time!
They sell yummy sandwiches and paninis, for those casual buy and go kind of days. We did start to crave pizza after we were ‘paellaed and tapad’ out!! You can get sick of paella and tapas after a
while.
And this pizza was soooo good. If you are craving a really good pizza, this is a must try!
It was my daughter’s 22nd birthday and they were kind enough to make her a heart shaped pizza!️
Sightseeing
Now, you’ve eaten, you’ve walked the beautiful La Barcelonata.....how about time for some sightseeing?
Let’s start with viewing and visiting the magnificent Gaudí houses all around the city.
Antonio Gaudí was a famous Catalan architect and
designer whose buildings have become a marvel to watch in Barcelona.
These are a few of his buildings on here. You can google where to find them, and be sure to tour inside a few of them.
A must see is the enchanting and beautiful cathedral, La Sagrada Família (means ‘Holy Family’) another of architect Gaudi’s works.
I don’t know which one is more beautiful-the exterior or interior. They are both stunning! Don’t miss it!
Another magnificent sight-the Barcelona cathedral located in the Gothic quarter- just breathtaking!
Take time to visit the famous, stunning, and colorful produce market La boqueria Barcelona at the end of the popular street of Las
Ramblas.
Along Las Ramblas, you’ll find many outdoor stalls and kiosks selling a wide variety of merchandise, street performers, cafes and restaurants. It’s often very crowded, so watch for pick pockets.
At the end of the street, you’ll walk into the shopping area which starts from Plaça de Catalunya into the posh shopping street of Passeig De Gràcia.
Another must see—Park Güell. Spend a few hours at this beautiful house viewing more of Gaudi’s architectural creations, or just taking in panoramic views of the city from the park perched on a
hill.
Other attractions are Parc de Montjüic, where you can ride cable cars across town, view the Montjüic castle, and walk the pretty and lush gardens. Other attractions are the Picasso museum.
So, there’s highlights of what your trip to Barcelona could look like.
Hope you were inspired.
Remember to plan travels into your 2020 itinerary!
Travel more! Read more! Laugh more!
Wishing you permanent happiness this Xmas and in the new year and new decade of 2020!!
Dr. Iyabo
November 18, 2019
Patience and Success
Oprah did not become Oprah overnight. Barack Obama did not become President Obama in one week. Their journeys to success took time. Yours will take time too. Be patient!
If you’re middle-aged like I am, you’ve probably come to the brutal realization that good things do take time to come to fruition. Sometimes, a really long time! And you’ve also fully realized
that time is very precious. You wake up one day, you’re 25; and the next day, you’re 50.
So those two realizations teach us two lessons:
1. Stop putting off your dreams. Start today.
2. Enjoy every moment, every day, every single aspect of your journey in life.
One thing I know is, you’ll never feel 100 percent ready to start anything, whether it’s opening a new business, changing jobs, writing a book, starting a blog or a podcast, leaving a bad
relationship, or getting married. You will never feel 100 percent equipped or qualified to start or to take that first step.
My advice to you is, if that plan/dream/goal/life change is stuck in your mind, if you find yourself thinking about it day and night, if it’s waking you up and keeping you up, then you need to
just go for it. It’s not going to depart from your mind, so you might as well start the process of launching it—whatever it is.
Start to research the idea, read about it, find one to three experts—paid or unpaid—in the field you need help with, to help you through the process, and just get it going.
May I repeat? One to three experts in the beginning! Not five, not ten. Not family members. Not your spouse. Not your work colleagues. Not your barber or the grocery store check-out lady.
Why not my spouse? Why not my mom or my dad? Some of you are probably questioning what I just said! Okay, Okay…yes, I meant it. Not your spouse, not family members, unless they happen to be
experts in that field. Why? Because our spouses and family often make decisions for us based on anecdotal evidence and not on concrete evidence. Guidance from our loved ones tends to be emotional
and fear based, and this is the last thing we need when we’re trying to launch or take a big step forward.
Of course you should discuss ideas with your spouse as a family. But be ready to stick to your decision and gently let your spouse know, this is your dream and you want to get it started, and you
have a plan in place, and you would appreciate their support. A spouse who truly loves you will support your dreams and goals and will even make them their own…and they will savor the
journey with you as well.
Unfortunately, I have heard too many stories from people, mostly women, who feel they have abandoned their life goals and dreams because their spouse said it was a bad idea and refused to offer
support. Even though their spouse was not an expert in the field, they took that advice, dumped their dream, and have carried resentment and regret around for years.
Don’t let this be you. Don’t allow anyone to kill your dreams. Do not dump your dreams because of anyone. Keep going with it. Give it your all.
Do your research, pray about it, get one to three experts who have been successful in that field and have evidence to show you, stop procrastinating, and start the process today. Then, once
you take the leap, be very patient while you’re working hard. Anything worth having in life, anything of potentially high value in your life, will take time. There’s no point rushing to get
things done. There is no overnight success. Those super-successful people you see on the internet every day did not get there overnight. It took sweat, resilience, hard work, and lots of
persistence.
Everything will happen in its own time. All that is required of us is hard work, dedication, faith, and patience.
And of course, clarity of what you want. You need to be clear and precise about what you’re trying to achieve. After you’ve done the needed research, write down your goals clearly in your
journal. If someone wakes you up from a slumber and asks you why you’re pursuing that dream, you should be able to run down a list of your intended objectives of the plan you’re working on.
And I do hope your objective is not only to make money. I do hope there’s an objective in there somewhere of making your life and others’ lives more meaningful, more fulfilling, calmer, and more
peaceful. Any goal or dream that only has the objective of making money will eventually not contribute anything to your core growth or your real purpose in life. I have several examples in
my own life about how good things do take a long time.
First of all, medical school is not for the fainthearted. It took six years of lots and lots of hard work. (It takes eight years here in the US.) Then there’s three years of residency. And I had
to do residency in two countries—in the UK and then the US.
I wrote two book manuscripts at the end of 2015 through early 2016. I sent the first manuscript to literary agents in 2016 and ultimately decided to self-published it in May 2017. Permanent
Happiness has garnered excellent reviews from readers and book reviewers. The second is yet to be published. And this is end of 2019. Remember I wrote it in 2016!
I had the desire to have women’s conferences in 2017 after I released my book and started getting tons of messages from young women. I realized young women were so hungry for answers to questions
about life. I had the first one in September 2019. Two years after! It didn’t happen overnight.
I really wanted to open my own practice after residency in 2001. It didn’t happen till October 2004. It required time. It took lots of reading and research about how to open a medical practice,
tons of planning, meetings with experts, build out of the space, relentless marketing, etc. It was worth every effort though. It’s still open after 15 years, is profitable, has served the
disadvantaged kids in Atlanta, has provided employment for people, and is now a highly valued enterprise!
If I had listened to some family and friends and even some doctors who told me it was a bad idea to open my own practice, I wouldn’t be able to share this story with you today. Most people told
me I should just get an employed position and not venture into practice ownership. They all said most practices collapse and shut down within two to five years, and I would regret it. Well, here
I am today.
I shut those voices out, looked for doctors who had successful practices, and found one in particular who was heaven sent. He supported and mentored me through the process. I also hired a medical
management company and delegated some of the initial logistics with opening the practice to them.
So good things take time!
Rome wasn’t built in a day.
Patience is a virtue.
Good things come to those who wait.
There are so many sayings about patience, and they are all true!
Patience applies to other aspects of our lives—not just our professional lives but even our personal lives.
Stop rushing that relationship. Stop chasing him. Stop calling and texting him every minute. Allow him to prove his love to you. Sit in your femininity and your value. Be patient.
Stop rushing that weight loss. Stop starving yourself. Be intentional about your food choices. Make sustained dietary changes. Exercise daily. Be patient.
As we countdown to the end of 2019 and look to 2020, a new year and a new decade, let patience be at the forefront of everything you embark upon. However, you must let procrastination out the
window first and allow it to fly away permanently. Then allow clarity, faith, and resilience to fly into your life through the window, and patience to come in right after them. Then shut the
window and take the first step to start enjoying the journey to your success. And give thanks every day during the journey.
See you on the blog next month with traveling experiences to keep you inspired!
Dr. Iyabo
October 28, 2019
The Journey: Real Life Moments that Led Me to Executing My First Women’s Conference
It was a day in April this year, the beginning of spring, that I made up my mind about having my first women’s conference.
I’d been toying with the idea on and off since I published my book Permanent Happiness in May 2017. Since my book’s release, I’ve been receiving messages from young women all over the world. Some
medical students, nursing students, those aspiring to serve in other areas of healthcare, and other young women with diverse backgrounds from different corners of the world. The power of social
media!
The questions and stories they were sharing with me were real. They were curious to know how I juggled and combined all that I do—being a physician, a practice owner, author, blogger, speaker,
and most importantly, also a mom.
Some had general questions about my life journey; some honed in on tapping into my knowledge of a specific dream they also had. Several have asked if I’ll be their mentor. Some just message to
say “Hi, Dr. Iyabo. I really like your posts. They inspire me every day.” Some who live in Atlanta ask to meet over lunch to just chat with me, and I have accepted invitations and enjoyed my time
with them.
These young women are hungry for direction in their lives. They long for mature women they can look up to, relate with, emulate, who can feel their every emotion before they even articulate it.
Their ages have been mostly 18–35ish. Women in this age bracket yearn to do things right and are hungry for direction from mature professional women. Most already have a vision of their future
selves, but some don’t. Some are confused and don’t know which future career path to take; some are overwhelmed with their personal and professional lives; some have a creative vision and don’t
know where or how to start. And on and on...
The beautiful part of this journey for me is that everything they are asking me, I have already experienced, and I feel well positioned to guide, direct, and encourage them.
The most recent young woman I met with for lunch, just a few days before my conference, was an absolute delight. A young physician, married with a toddler, and with a dream of opening her own
practice. As we sat down for lunch and I saw the yearning and longing in her eyes, and the bright twinkle in them, I could feel every single emotion she was about to pour out to me. I told her I
could already predict her every question, and she chuckled and just relaxed!
I already knew everything about her life path before she even started pouring out her heart. I could feel her struggles, her achievements, her pain, her joy. I sat there two feet away from her at
the table, and I immediately connected with her on all levels.
Why do I connect so easily with young women?
Some people I’ve met since my writing journey began have told me I’m an empath, that I’m highly intuitive and that I “channel”—the channeling is how I’m able to write nonfiction very quickly. I
do get floods of information at specific times of the day—mostly early morning on awakening, while taking walks in nature, and in the shower.
I must say I don’t fully understand what being an empath and channeler mean, but I connect easily with young women, and I think the reason is because I’ve lived their lives.
Totally! I’ve been there—been single, married, divorced, in the dating field, had kids, studied my way through medical school, opened a successful business–medical practice from scratch, now a
writer and speaker, and I’m a daughter, a sister, a friend, an aunty, and a mentor. So I’ve lived every stage they are now experiencing.
As these women messaged me every few days for the past couple of years, I realized what my calling was. I needed to continue to be an influence in their lives. I was loving every minute of my
interactions with them, virtually and in person. I had to keep doing this.
Then in April this year, I was invited to be a speaker at an event for women called the Body, Soul, Spirit, and one woman in the audience asked, “How do you not feel guilty leaving your kids with
a caretaker when you go out to work?” I answered her question.
As I was leaving at the end of the conference, another young lady ran after me to stop me at the parking lot, and was in tears. Within five minutes, she poured out her heart. Her struggles with
her marriage, taking care of three kids, being stuck at home without a job because her husband thought it was a bad idea for her to go back to work. Her whole story was centered on fear and
guilt.
This was the turning point for me. These two women turned on a Yes switch in me. It was time.
That question I answered at that conference and the lady I spoke with in the parking lot spurred me to finally make the decision to host my own women’s conferences. It was time. Young women need
encouragement. They need direction, and they need to have their pressing questions answered.
In April 2019 I started executing the plan to host my first women’s conference. I named it Women without Guilt. I knew it would be a series because this is a vast
topic that affects women of all races, color, and socioeconomic backgrounds in every corner of the world.
As women, we face guilt, fear, shame, insecurity, and doubt in every aspect of our lives, and these emotional blocks often prevent us from reaching our highest potential and fulfilling our divine
purpose.
I picked the date: September 28. And all is history.
My first conference was a success. Lives were touched. Lives were transformed. The feedback messages are still coming in!
Did you miss it?
Well, you won’t have to wait another year for my next one. Women without Guilt Part 2 is coming soon here in Atlanta.
So as you read this blog post about my journey to my own first conference, what emotions is this blog post welling up in you?
Have you been putting off executing your own plan for your dreams?
Have you been ignoring the whispers you’ve been receiving in your mind?
Have you placed your dreams on hold until the “perfect time” comes?
Are you a mature woman who has a calling to mentor, inspire, and encourage younger women?
What are you waiting for?
The perfect time does not exist!
Mentors, those souls out there who are waiting for you are getting deeper and deeper in their yearning for answers. They need you. Not in five years…they need you now.
My hope is that this blog post will encourage many of you to start executing those dreams you have.
I know the dreams already exist in you. The execution is the issue, right?
Stop ignoring the whispers you’ve been hearing. They won’t stop until you start executing the plan for your dreams to be birthed.
May we all be permanently happy by executing the plan for our dreams and changing lives with the execution.
Dr. Iyabo
June 13, 2019
My Dad—My Superhero!
Who says no one remembers what happened to them as little kids? Who says you can’t remember anything before 10 years old once you become an adult?
I was 5 years old. It was an afternoon in my primary school—Corona School, Victoria Island. I was in nursery class. The school seemed to be in chaos. The usual silence in the school turned into
loud voices and footsteps everywhere. I looked out the window, and students were being rushed off by their parents into their cars and being driven away. I heard the word “riot” over and over
from teachers who’d convened in my classroom, and also from the mumblings I could hear through the windows.
The teachers told us the school was being closed early due to a riot and that our parents were on their way to pick us up.
A thought immediately flashed through my mind: Daddy is definitely going to pick us up today. Not the driver, but Daddy.
Like most middle-to-upper-class families in Nigeria, we had a driver (sometimes even two) who drove us to and from school and to other places, like birthday parties, shopping, etc. Basically,
most parents delegated this chore of driving their kids here, there, and everywhere to drivers who were paid to do this and who often lived on the grounds of the family home.
Our drivers lived in the “boys’ quarters” behind the house, a cottage-like home at the back of property, separated from the family house.
The driver had dropped my older sister and me at school that morning, but I knew for sure my dad would show up instead this afternoon. That was my dad. My dad, whom I’d known from birth. My
kindhearted, steadfast father, who showed us unconditional love no matter what we did or what was going on. I was confident he would soon be at the school to pick us up.
As my thoughts waded through my head, my dad, with a smile on his face, walked into the classroom, took my hand, grabbed my bag, and shepherded me to my older sister’s classroom, where he
gathered her to us, and we ran to the car, hand in hand. He barely uttered a word. He was super focused on getting us swiftly into the car.
My heart felt at ease. I could breathe comfortably. I felt safe. All worry left my body. I was being driven home by my dad, surrounded by his safety. And I must say, in the best car of the
family. He picked us up in the yellow Mercedes Benz! Wow, what luxury! My sister and I didn’t get to ride in this car often. This was Mummy and Daddy’s special car. We had to ride in the “danfo”
family car (the Volkswagen—half minivan, with the “bed” area in the back) or in the Santana, a much-older VW.
But today, on this national riot day, where it was unsafe to even be outside, my dad wanted to ensure our utmost comfort and safety. He brought out the luxury car! I noticed, and that meant a lot
to me.(I later learned these riots were part of a major political unrest, and college students and other factions had started rioting to protest their discord with the government.)
My dad drove us through areas littered with tree branches, palm tree leaves, and other debris scattered by the rioters. I’d never seen him so focused on his driving, speeding at times, taking
back routes just to get us home safely. We did get home safe and sound, and relieved!!
Who says you don’t remember anything before 10 years old? Not true. I remember that day vividly till today! I was 5. I am now 49.
Love from dads matter. Love from moms and dads matter. But there is something about a dad’s love that digs deep, that goes straight to your essence. This is the kind of love I experienced from my
dad over and over. He was involved in our education, read every school report thoroughly, attended all school events, meetings, plays, and sports events. He was an engaged, loving dad. Both my
parents loved us unconditionally.
My dad was my rock, my superhero, my confidant. With his gentle demeanor, gentle voice, and humble stance, he directed me in many life matters. As I blossomed into a woman, he grounded me and
spoke words of wisdom to me that helped me navigate life on many levels. He walked me down the aisle, he offered strength and wisdom during my medical school training, during my decision to start
my own practice, during and after my divorce. He was my solid rock.
He passed away in October 2015 at 86 years old.
Even after his passing, he was still inspiring me. I became a writer after his passing. I was so deeply overcome and inspired by his death that I heeded to the urge in my heart, picked up my
laptop in December 2015, and started to write—and I haven’t stopped since. I’m writing my third book. One is published. The second is soon to be published. And I’ve written over a 100 blog posts
in two years.
My dad. My superhero.
Was your dad your superhero?
Is your dad your superhero?
Do you wish your dad was your superhero?
Was there another dad figure in your life who was your superhero?
How have these experiences shaped you?
Are you a dad reading this blog?
If so, are you fully present in your children’s lives? Fully present?
Do you shower them with a healthy balance of unconditional love, guidance, and discipline?
Or have you been absent in their lives?
You still have time to correct this. Time to make amends and pull your children close. Call your kids today. Ask for forgiveness. Start over. Release the hurt. Your children need you.
As I blossomed into a woman, he grounded me and spoke words of wisdom to me that helped me navigate life on many levels. He walked me down the aisle, he offered strength and wisdom during my
medical school training, during my decision to start my own practice, during and after my divorce. He was my solid rock.
He passed away in October 2015 at 86 years old.
Do you know a dad, or mom, or child who needs to read this article? Forward it to them.
Let us collectively make this the best Father’s Day ever. A Father’s Day of forgiveness. A Father’s Day of starting over.
Who wouldn’t want to experience the amazing love of a father like I did? Every child would. Every child yearns for it.
Dads, your children need you. Pick up the phone today. Call them. Visit them. Reconnect with them.
May we all be permanently happy by experiencing the true unconditional love of our earthly dads and our heavenly Father.
Happy Father’s Day, Dads!
Until next time,
Much love with a sprinkle of permanent happiness,
Dr. Iyabo
June 5, 2019
But They All Cheat
“But all men cheat”—a phrase I’ve heard so many times from women, in all age brackets, that I now feel compelled to write about it.
A phrase created by women for women.
Created to achieve this one goal: to justify their own personal reason for staying in a relationship with a cheating spouse/husband/boyfriend. Reasons that include, but are not limited to:
Fear of loneliness
Fear of the kids being affected in various ways
Fear of what people and society will think
Fear of being blamed for his cheating
Fear of not being able to maintain or continue a certain socioeconomic status
Fear of physical or verbal abuse by the cheating partner
Fear of not finding anyone else to be with
Fear, fear, fear…and more fear.
This moment you’re reading this blog now is the only moment you are promised. Tomorrow may never come. Is life really worth putting on hold and living in fear from day to day? Especially
from the actions of someone else?
Perhaps the topic of this blog should have been “Fear, Sadness, Insecurity, Guilt, and Regret in Women.”
I really wonder, right? That may have been a more meaningful and truer topic for this discussion. Because it’s obvious the root of that statement—“But all men cheat”—stems from those five
emotions that run rampant in many women’s souls.
Again:
Fear
Sadness
Insecurity
Guilt
Regret
A mash-up of emotions that leave us stagnant and rob us of our freedom to be totally fulfilled in life.
So, do they really all cheat?
Do ALL men really cheat on their wives, fiancées, and girlfriends?
ALL of them? What happened to the phrase “Never say never”? Is there an identical phrase for “All is not all”?
Let’s tackle some statistics:
Why do men cheat?
What percentage of men cheat?
Is cheating more prevalent in a particular ethnicity?
Is cheating more prevalent in a certain socioeconomic status?
Is there any correlation with a history of the father or grandfather cheating?
From healthresearchfunding.org
The percentage of affairs that begin at work: 60%.
Up to 60% of all spouses will take part in some form of infidelity at least once during their marriage.
56% of men who have affairs claim to be happy in their marriages.
Women and men cheat at the same rate within a marriage, although the reasons why women cheat are very different from the reasons that men cheat.
The most common reason why a woman cheats on her spouse: emotional satisfaction. This is also the top reason why men cheat too–lack of emotional satisfaction. They felt “the other person was
really there for them.” Close behind this was—“she was just too hot to resist.”
Research consistently shows that 2–3% of all children are the product of infidelity.
Infidelity is becoming more common among people under 30.
Men with money are clearly comfortable with deceit. Those earning over US $300,000 per annum, 32% are cheaters, with only 21% of men earning less than $35,000 per year being unfaithful.
Modern technology has perpetuated the art of infidelity, with the mobile phone being the preferred method of facilitating the deception, and interestingly, 33% of men remove their wedding rings
when they go out in their wives absence.
Can cheating be passed down through generations? Yes!
The likelihood of a person cheating on his or her spouse is influenced by their genes, says a study in the journal of Evolution and Human Behavior, October 2014.
The effect is stronger for men than for woman, according to the study.
Dr. Brendan Zietsch, research fellow at Queensland University’s school of psychology, who led the study, told the Telegraph: “Our research clearly shows that people’s genetic make-up
influences how likely they are to have sex with someone outside their main partnership.”
http://www.unz.com/anepigone/infidelity-rates-by-ethnicity/
https://ifstudies.org/blog/who-cheats-more-the-demographics-of-cheating-in-america
Lots of statistics here compare ethnicity/age/gender/religious service attendance.
Conclusion: Studies show the highest rates of cheating occur in black men and Iberian men (men of Spanish and Portuguese descent).
And then there’s the celebrity justification excuse, which some women like to use. “Even [fill in the gap] cheated on his wife, and they are still together. It’s no big deal. They all do it.”
Before we proceed, let me address this, as I know it will come up as a question.
Certainly, if you have both agreed on an “open relationship” and feel comfortable with being with other people, then that’s an entirely different topic. I personally do not believe in such
arrangements, but I respect others’ decisions.
However, this is not the topic of discussion today.
Cheating on a partner is simply defined as this: breaking boundaries and expectations in a union.
“If it feels like cheating, infidelity, or adultery to you, then it is. Infidelity and cheating are a betrayal of the expectations you have of your partner. If you and your spouse have talked
about this subject and you have openly expressed to him/her that you are uncomfortable with flirting, he/she should respect your feelings on the matter” (mydomaine.com).
https://www.mydomaine.com/how-do-you-define-cheating-in-a-relationship-1102863
This is a wonderful article that lays out what cheating means on a wide spectrum.
Cheating does not only mean having sexual intercourse with someone else. It could be flirtatious texts, phone sex, etc. Emotional infidelity is just as common as physical infidelity and could
even be more harmful to a relationship. This is because studies have shown men will cheat because of feelings of emotional inadequacy in a relationship, rather than cheat because of lack of sex.
And then there are those who have been diagnosed with sexual addiction. I have my thoughts about this, but this is also a topic for another day!
So, women, not all men cheat. The studies have revealed that truth.
If you have been betrayed by a partner, there are many ways to handle it.
Seek counseling as a couple and individually.
Discuss the issue openly with your partner.
Express your feelings authentically. Let him know you’ve been hurt by the betrayal.
You can choose to forgive and save your union.
Don’t lose all hope. Some marriages have turned out to be even stronger after affairs and infidelity. Yours may turn out to be one of those.
Never, ever blame yourself for his cheating.
Never retaliate by cheating back.
If you decide to stay, you must be willing and ready to fully trust again. Snooping on his phone and watching every little move he makes won’t work. If you can’t trust him again, then you
probably need to move on to a new life.
If you have tried counseling, and all the above, and your partner continues to cheat, then the ball is in your court. If you’re overwhelmed with continuing sadness, insecurity, and guilt because
of a cheating partner, then the ball is in your court.
The power to make choices for yourself lies within you and not within your partner. Remember, as this quote states, “A mistake repeated is no longer a mistake. It’s a decision” (author unknown).
If you decide to put up with a decision made by someone else to keep hurting you emotionally, mentally, and spiritually (and sometimes even physically—a percentage of men cheaters also physically
abuse their partners), then you must be ready to live the consequences.
Please note: if you are being physically or sexually abused, you must seek help. Call the National Domestic Hotline: 1-800-799-7233.
The consequences of being in a cheating/abusive relationship: feeling like you’re trapped; inability to evolve into the full expression of who you are; inability to
experience true happiness and joy; inability to fulfill your God-given purpose; physical illness; and to top it all, setting a negative example for the little girls coming behind you—telling them
it is OK to be continuously hurt by a man and eventually losing the essence of who they are.
As this quote states, “I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 96% how I react to it” (Scipio Africanus).
Life is full of choices, and the power to make those choices lies within us.
So back to “But they all cheat.”
No, they do not all cheat. That statement is borne out of fear, sadness, insecurity, regret, and guilt. As studies have shown above, the majority of men who’ve cheated have stated they were happy
in their marriages.
What does that tell us?
It means there’s a deep-rooted problem in men who cheat habitually. There’s a fear, insecurity, or inadequacy somewhere in their souls. The
cheating is just a symptom of those mashed-up emotions.
So, women, it’s not about you. It’s not because you’re not pretty enough, not thin enough. It’s not because your boobs are sagging—there’s no breast augmentation that can prevent your guy from
cheating. It’s not because you’re not wild enough in bed…
It’s not about you!
The problem is deep rooted—it’s a fear of some sort.
So if you then react to this with your own built-up fears of loneliness, insecurity, regret, guilt, then fear meets fear, and this leads to messy relationships.
Fear meets fear = disaster.
Women, may I ask that we refrain from the phrase “But they all cheat”?
It’s an untrue statement.
It facilitates cheating and justification of cheating in men.
If we continue to say that phrase as women, some men will continue to feel we’ve accepted it.
And above all, it is confusing the younger generation of women and teaching them to value themselves less and to condone the act of cheating from their partners.
Yes, I know—women cheat too. You’re right! I’m saying this to the men reading this saying, “But you women cheat too!”
That’s very true, but today’s writing is about men cheating. And absolutely, all the above applies to women too. No gender is exempt.
As we all know, cheating is a hot and complicated topic. I hope you found my perspective intriguing. I’d love to hear from you in the comments below.
Until next time,
Much love and permanent happiness to you,
Dr. Iyabo
I Am Pro-Life
I am Pro Life. Yes, I am.
My daughters know this about me.
My close friends and family know this about me.
But please, Pro Choice backers, do not judge me yet. Please continue reading.
You want to know why I’m Pro Life? It is very simple. I just believe the gift of life is precious and sacred. I believe the gift of life (babies)
are seeds necessary for the advancement of humanity. My reason is as simple as that. No religious or political or complex reasoning.
I have advised and shared with my daughters that I would prefer for them not to terminate any pregnancies. They understand my views, but I will not
impose on them. Ultimately, it is their choice.
However, the new anti abortion laws are appalling! As women ALL OVER THE WORLD, don’t we have enough to already fight for ourselves?
Inequalities in:
Access to Quality Education.
Accessibility to leadership positions, and when a Leader-being called bossy, pushy etc
Being respected-instead, being viewed as sexual objects.
Access to Healthcare
Salaries
The responsibilities of keeping the household, and kids intact.
...And on and on and
on
The last thing we need now in this day and age is being ripped of the choice to do what we want with our bodies.
Even though I am Pro Life, (and I’m proud to declare I am), I mind my own business. I do not go around imposing my views on others.
Men...and women who are in favor of these new anti abortion laws. Please join me in minding your own business. Do not let this be one more thing
women have to endure.
Please give women the choice to discuss this thoroughly with their health care provider and decide what’s best. Abortion is a complex issue. One
size does not fit all.
As you can imagine, as a practicing pediatrician for 27 years, I have had to be the doctor intervening in the issues with teenage pregnancies and
the parents of those teenagers. Very, very tough situations that tear families apart, and cause massive psychological stress.
Women need to preserve their freedom.
Women need to preserve their voice.
Women need to be heard.
May we all be permanently happy by having the right to choose what’s best for our bodies.
@driyabo
Author of ‘Permanent Happiness’
May 9, 2019
Mother's Day Letter to my Little Black Daughters
Hello, my little black daughters.
What a difference six months makes! My first letter to you was in October of last year. I planned to write you another one after the holidays. One thing led to another. Life got busy. Then as I
thought I was shifting back into writing mode in February, life happened—in a major way! My mom passed away suddenly.
I had just spoken with her over the phone about four days before that. She told me she was traveling to neighboring Ghana in West Africa for a relative’s funeral, but she never made it back home
to Lagos, Nigeria, my childhood home.
I was devastated! I had lost my dad three years ago, and I had not even recovered from his passing. I felt deep pain and sorrow. I felt vulnerable. No more parents for you, Iyabo, I said to myself. This is your new reality.
My mom was eight-six years old when she passed in February. My dad was also eighty-six when he passed in 2015. They both lived long and fulfilled lives, racking up sixteen grandkids and four
great grandkids.
I’m grateful for the values they sowed in me. Their influence in my life will forever be embedded in my soul.
I know the grieving process will never end, but I’m feeling stronger each day. I’m now able to reflect on all the positive memories of my childhood and remember what a great father and mother I
had. The benefits of good parents cannot be overemphasized. Fathers and mothers play major roles in the upbringing of their kids.
I am forty-nine years old, and now that my parents have gone to rest, I realize even more how important my role is in my daughters’ lives. In all my
daughters’ lives.
This is Mother’s Day weekend. The perfect time to reflect on all our mothers. I told you about my biological mother—the woman who birthed me, who raised me, and who I lived with from birth until
I left home at the age of twenty-two. She continued to be a valuable influence on my life even after I paved my own way.
These are my memories of my mother.
My mom was elegant, graceful, and beautiful inside and out. She stood tall, with good posture, and had this lovely smile in which her lips slanted upward on one
side.
She was feminine in all her ways and had a graceful strut and poise to her step.
She could neither read nor write English, but despite these so-called limitations, she was a successful businesswoman. Her financial success enabled her to invest in
real estate back home in Lagos.
She was a respectful wife to my dad (her husband), while still maintaining her own voice and independence in our home. Mom was the disciplinarian, even more so than
my dad. Her no was a no for my siblings and me, and she stood firmly by her parenting decisions.
My mom loved dancing, and was a good dancer till the day she departed from this earth.
She taught me how to cook.
I am grateful to God for my precious mom. I miss her terribly, but I am ever so ready now to pass on the torch that she has passed to me to my own birth daughters and to all my little black daughters out in the world.
“Pass on the Torch” is the school song from Queen’s College, the secondary school I attended in Lagos.
Aside from my birth mom, I certainly have had other “moms”—women who have imparted their wisdom at different stages of my life. Some do not even know who I am, but if only they knew what they
have contributed to my life, they’d be astounded.
My grandma (my mom’s mom) was a big fixture in my life. She passed away at 102 years old about twelve years ago.
I had several biological aunties, and of course my three older sisters, who were a great influence in my life.
Many friends have been a great support and inspiration to me.
My daughters, pictured above with me, who have—just by the act of raising and parenting them—taught me resilience, selflessness, patience, and the meaning of having
unconditional love for others.
All my female teachers through my primary and secondary schools and college education, who passed on great knowledge to me.
These are the “mommy” figures who directly or indirectly contributed immensely to the growth of who I am today.
Then there are those “moms” of mine whom I feel I know well, but who don’t know me:
Oprah Winfrey
Michelle Obama
Maya Angelou
Robin Roberts
Shonda Rhimes
…to name a few. These black female role models have inspired me in so many ways, and I aspire to be a fraction of the woman they have been to myself and so many others.
I salute all my mothers this Mother’s Day.
So, my little black daughters, I have narrated to you all the amazing women who have shaped me into who I am today. All those women above are my “mothers.” Without them, there’d be no Dr. Iyabo.
I’d be nowhere without these female influences who’ve gone before me to pave the way and who are still around me today, paving the way for more women like me.
The definition of a “mother” by Wikipedia: “Mothers are women who inhabit or perform the role of bearing some relation to their children, who may or
may not be their biological offspring.”
We are all mothers or going to be mothers at some point in our lives, and in one form or another.
My little black daughters, this letter is from me to you.
You will be a mother in some form one day soon.
In the meantime, know that…
You are precious, my little black daughters.
You were created to do magnificent things.
You were not created to be mediocre.
The power to do great work in the world already exists inside you.
That power lies inside the gifts you were born with.
The world may try to make you believe you are not worthy, but always remember that you are very worthy.
Love your mother. Listen to her words of wisdom. Be patient as you learn from her. Allow her to show you the way.
Surround yourself with wise women always—your mother, your grandma, your aunties.
Seek out great role models and mentors. Those wise black women out there, they are all around you.
Allow them to lead you in the right direction.
The world may seem huge and vast, and you may sometimes feel insignificant, but remember that you are an important part of it.
Your gifts are needed in the world.
The world is waiting for your talents.
One day soon you will grow up to be mothers too. Even if you never birth children of your own, you will have many children out there in the world who will look up to
you as their role models.
Never allow anyone to dim your light.
Never let your voice be silenced.
Always stand up for what is right.
Do all this with a gentle spirit, with respect, with a deep love for humanity, and without prejudice toward others.
Above all, my little black daughters, as you speak up and stand up for what is right, you must do it with nonviolence. Peace must always be at the forefront of
everything you do.
Until next time,
Much love, with a sprinkle of permanent happiness.
Dr. Iyabo
February 6, 2019
Importance of Early Literacy
Early childhood lays the
foundation for literacy skills
I was so honored when Reach out and Read, Georgia asked me to write a blog post for Learn4Life. It was published recently, and I'm so happy to share it with you.
The Learn4Life 3rd grade reading proficiency network recognizes
the importance of building literacy skills long before students reach school. L4L has identified Reach
Out and Read Georgia as a bright spot in early childhood education, and is proud to support their work.
Reach Out and Read Georgia is an evidence-based nonprofit that partners with health care providers to prescribe books and encourage families to read together. By providing age-appropriate books
to children at well-child visits from six months to five years of age, Reach Out and Read Georgia prepares children for school and encourages a lifelong love of reading. Children served by Reach
Out and Read Georgia enter kindergarten with larger vocabularies, stronger language skills, and a three- to a six-month developmental edge.
A Reach Out and Read physician’s
perspective on reading
My name is Iyabo Ojikutu (formerly Okuwobi). I’m a board-certified pediatrician and private practice owner. I’m the author of three books. My author journey started in 2015. One is published. The
second is to be published soon, and I’m writing the third. I’ve had the privilege of speaking at the United Nations. I’m also a blogger, and I blog about all topics related to living a balanced,
wholesome life.
How did I achieve all these goals?
By reading a lot of books! Reading many many big medical books to become a doctor. The reading started from when I was about two or three years old when my dad would read to me, and then I
started sight reading and sounding out words by age three or so. And on I progressed to reading a lot of books through my primary and secondary education, then ultimately through medical school,
and I am still an avid reader today.
I continued to read a variety of genres even after becoming a doctor. The continuous reading was obviously preparing me for my own writing journey which finally came into full expression in 2015.
I haven’t stopped writing since then…..books, blogging, pieces for my social media posts; and writing speeches for speaking engagements. Reading has been responsible for all my successes, and I’m
only just getting started.
Naturally, I want the same for every little kid. If I could have my way, I’d provide books, and the same opportunities I’ve had with reading from a very young age to every kid in the world.
But, since I can’t change the world (at least, not yet-perhaps someday soon), I can change my community.
The power of prescribing books to pediatric patients
I was first introduced to the Reach Out and Read program while in residency at Bronx Lebanon hospital in 1998. I was fascinated and impressed by the concept. Prescribing free books to poorly
advantaged kids from six-months-old is a brilliant idea. I became actively involved with the program then, and became a prominent advocate, reminding my fellow residents to make sure they were
consistent with prescribing the books to families and educating them on the importance of reading aloud to nurture family relationships and healthy brain development.
Fast forward, I relocated to Atlanta after residency and opened my private practice in 2004. It happened to be located in an economically disadvantaged area in Atlanta.
What immediately came to mind? Reach Out and Read Georgia!
Yes, I could have this in my practice! I could start to promote early literacy and the importance of reading in a kid’s life from a very young age. So, for the past 15 years, myself and my staff
at my office, Milestone Pediatrics, have been providing books for all children between the ages of six-months to five-years at every well-visit checkup. Milestone Pediatrics has conducted 35,525
well-visit checkups and has distributed 24,419 children’s books since 2005.
Children and parents are
enthusiastic partners
My staff all love this program, and our patients and their families absolutely love receiving these books. A book is a powerful tool, and the guidance (milestones, behavior modeling,
encouragement, etc.) we provide to parents in the exam room is equally essential in the delivery.
We have received so much feedback from families about how their kids love reading aloud; and how their speech has developed fast, how it has helped them learn English more quickly, and how it has
increased their child’s overall vocabulary.
Many of these kids still ask for books even after age five. They’ve loved receiving these books from us and enjoy reading so much; they don’t want to stop.
In my practice, we serve a very diverse population ethnically and culturally. Many are refugees from different parts of the world. English is not the primary language for many of them. However,
even the parents who do not read or speak English can read to their kids by telling the story in their own words just by observing the pictures.
Even though I cannot accurately or tangibly measure the impact my practice and Reach Out and Read Georgia has had on all these kids and their families over the years; I know for sure that what
reading has contributed in my life is what will be manifested in many of these kids’ lives as well.
Thank you, Reach Out and Read Georgia; for giving me such an excellent opportunity to sow into the future of so many children. I am truly humbled and privileged to be a part of this life-changing
program.
Connect with Reach Out and Read Georgia on Facebook.
Connect with Dr. Iyabo Ojikutu’s (Okuwobi) through
her pediatric practice, and find her book ‘Permanent Happiness’ on Amazon. Her Blog (The Peace Place Blog) is on her website. There, you can find all her social media links, where you can follow her and stay connected with her work.
December 30, 2018
Emulating the Athlete
Goals in 2019 and Beyond
I’m not a huge sports fan. I don’t consider myself particularly athletic. I do enjoy staying in shape and working
out about four times a week doing a combination of Barre, FlyFit, heated Vinyasa yoga, and spin classes.
I watched a lot of football (soccer) as a kid growing up in Nigeria. Football was always on TV. I still get
excited every time the World Cup comes around. I remember just last June watching the World Cup while gathered around a beach bar with other spectators in Antigua, all trying to get the best
viewing spot around the TV hanging behind the bartender. It was an exciting time. There I was, rooting for the Nigerian team, along with my English friend and other Antiguans who were supporting
Nigeria. All with the turquoise-blue ocean and powdery sand just a step away!
Sports is that one thing that can organically bring people together.
I also love cheering for my daughters during their sporting games. My older daughter played volleyball in middle
and high school, and my younger daughter now plays basketball and runs track.
Going back to my childhood, I also watched quite a bit of wrestling—American
wrestling on TV in Nigeria. My dad was a big wrestling fan. I found it fascinating to watch him while he was watching the wrestling. He would make every arm and leg movement the wrestlers made,
copy their facial expressions, sound out the oohs and aahs, and almost fall to the ground from his seat, as he was completely engrossed with his viewing. He watched the TV, and I observed him
from a seat nearby in the living room. Come to think of it, I’m not sure if he ever noticed I was in the same room with him while he watched his favorite
sport. He seemed too fixated on the wrestling.
As I prepare myself and my goals for 2019, I suddenly got an aha moment.
Last week as I watched a Champion League football game on TV with an English friend, I was particularly
fascinated by player Mohamed Salah, of the Liverpool, England, team. His tenacity, focus, precision, and physical strength as he moved effortlessly but efficiently dribbling around other athletes
as he guided that soccer ball to its intended destination and scored goal after goal was magical to me. He is the true epitome of an athlete.
As I watched, I pondered what it really takes to be an athlete, a successful athlete who has made a mark in their
particular sport.
The ponderer, wonderer, and dreamer in Iyabo started to think deeply… What drives these really fit men and women athletes to keep going, never give up, and score victory after victory?
What qualities are embedded in these warrior-athletes that
stay fired up game after game and lead them to the finish line?
Then, I thought, yes, that’s it—aha—it is these same qualities that I need in 2019.
I need to start thinking more like an athlete, like a warrior. Iyabo,
there’s a key message here, I told myself. Emulating the athlete will help you, help others achieve their goals in the new year and beyond.
The qualities of an athlete are the exact qualities needed in the business world, in one’s career life, and in
fact, in one’s personal life. Think like an athlete, emulate an athlete, achieve your goals, and sustain your achievements. Yes, now I get why I’m watching this game today.
These thoughts are going into a blog post just in time for
2019. Someone needs to read this!
So here we go:
As you can imagine, since the game last week, I’ve done a lot of reading online around what drives an athlete to
succeed, and the traits of an athlete.
World-class athletes have these qualities:
·
Self-confidence
·
Drive
·
Determination
·
Discipline
·
Competitiveness
·
Focus
·
Aggressiveness
·
Commitment
·
Good Time Management
·
Raw Talent
·
High Tolerance for Pain
·
Adaptability
·
Emotional Maturity
These were obtained from this link.
http://www.phrasemix.com/collections/13-qualities-of-a-great-athlete-in-english
The other articles I found online had some combination of these same qualities. I was particularly struck by a
few of them:
Emotional maturity—You can’t allow yourself to get too angry, too nervous, or too depressed. This is particularly crucial in your career life. In fact in any
kind of relationship—professional and personal. Emotional immaturity is a recipe for failure.
High Tolerance for Pain (really interesting!)—You have to be able to put up with a lot of pain from pushing your body to its limits. This is so reproducible in our
careers, in achieving our goals. The process is going to be painful. Not only do we push our bodies to its limits as we work toward our goals and dreams, but our spirits that are also often
pushed to its limits. But then the Focus and the Drive keep us going.
Raw Talent—Some athletes are just born that way. We all are born with unique gifts. Our job is to identify these gifts/talents, develop them, and use
them to change the world. Your raw talent may not be my raw talent. Key here is never to try to do exactly what someone else is doing. Your talents could be completely different. We must stay in
our lanes and be true to our own gifts.
As I read the list, I felt blessed to already have a lot of these traits within me. These traits have propelled
me to where I am today, and I need to hold them steadfast in my heart for 2019 and beyond and allow them to keep propelling me forward.
I also plan on keeping images of world-class athletes like Mohamed Salah, Serena Williams, Gabby Douglas, and
many others in my brain as I visualize what it takes to be an athlete…what it takes to achieve my goals and dreams…what it takes to be a champion…to never stop until I cross the finish
line.
Will you join me in emulating the athlete as we ring in 2019?
Which of these qualities do you already possess within you? Have you identified which ones you need to work
on/develop for yourself?
Are you ready to allow them propel you to achieve your goals?
I am! Join me as we emulate the athlete, achieve our goals, and live permanently happy!
Have a healthy, fulfilled, successful, and permanently happy 2019, everyone!
Author, Permanent Happiness, available on Amazon
www.driyabo.com
