Brené Brown's Blog, page 35
September 27, 2011
ordinary courage e-course
Join us for the last OC class of 2011, as we discover how feelings of shame get in the way and how we can learn to transform shame into an opportunity to practice authenticity and to cultivate connection.
Learn about the power of owning our story and the path that unfolds when we decide to cultivate shame-resilience instead of allowing shame to send us into hiding, numbing, perfectionism, or lashing out.
Experiment with opening up to self-compassion as we share in hands-on weekly activities designed to help us make that long journey from "What will people think" to "I am enough."
Class details:
• 6-week access to a password-protected classroom
• Six recorded audio conversations with Brené and Jen Lemen, outlining the keys to shame resilience
• Weekly lessons, activities and reflections designed to help you uncover your own ordinary courage
• A working knowledge of what triggers shame and how to respond with courage, compassion, and connection
• An invitation to embrace your own ordinary courage and vulnerability as a vital part of Wholehearted Living
To learn more about the course, the cost, and the materials, visit the Hopeful World website.
If you have any questions, leave them in the comments and I'll be happy to answer them! There's also an FAQ here!
See you in class!
September 26, 2011
busted
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I get so frustrated when I want to record a television show and the DVR is full. Not too long ago Steve recorded an entire marathon of The Discovery Channel's Man VS. Wild. I couldn't believe it.
I marched into the kitchen, put my hands on my hips, and said, "Why do you watch that survival show? We live in urban Houston. It's not like you need to know how to live off of bugs if you're dropped into the jungle."
Steve thought about it for a minute then smiled. "I watch that show for the same reason you watch cooking shows. Pure entertainment."
We laughed. Hard.
September 21, 2011
freak flag
We've all got one. And they're not small like the kind you wave in the air during a parade. Freak flags are beach-towel big.
When it comes to our freak flags, we only have two choices: Fly it or fold it up and try to hide it . . . on our person.
Freak flags can't be stuffed into drawers, shoved under sofa cushions, or kept in the trunk of our car. They go where we go.
We can try to fold it up and stick it under our jacket or up our pant leg, but it's not very comfortable. They're big and itchy and hot. I'm pretty sure that's why there are so many angry people – their flags are riding up.
No matter how good we are at folding, flattening, and concealing who we are our flags, everyone knows that we're hiding one somewhere. I mean, c'mon, it's the size of beach towel! The bottom line is that it's hard not to notice us when we're working so hard to conceal our vulnerabilitiy flag.
The truth? No one is "normal" and we're all someone's "other."
In a world where we're constantly comparing and judging and shaming, I find so much peace in knowing that the one thing that we share in common is our flag. Our freak flag.
What do you think? Fly or fold?
Flag courtesy of Artist/Designer/Illustrator Nick Nelson
September 15, 2011
the wo/man in the arena
[image error]Ellen + friends
I have a post-it note above my desk with this reminder on it:
"At the end of the day and at the end of my life, I want to know that I contributed more than I criticized."
It's a touchstone for me when I'm feeling vulnerable about sharing my work in a world where it's easy to attack and ridicule. It's also helpful when I find myself using perfection, sarcasm, and criticism to protect myself or to discharge my own discomfort.
I also turn to this quote from Theodore Roosevelt's speech Citizenship In A Republic, delivered at the Sorbonne (1910):
The Man in the Arena
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.
The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood;
who strives valiantly;
who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming;
but who does actually strive to do the deeds;
who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause;
who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat."
I'm constantly reminding myself that I can't wait until I'm perfect or bulletproof to walk into the arena because that's never going to happen. We just have show up and let ourselves be seen - that's my definition of "daring greatly."
September 13, 2011
inspiration interview with andrea scher (and a mondo beyondo giveaway)
I started the Inspiration Interview Series because I wanted to know more about the people who share their work with the world and inspire me to practice courage, be creative, and dream big. Andrea Scher is one of those people. She makes me smile, she makes me brave, and she makes me THINK! Meet Andrea!
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Andrea Scher is a photographer, writer and life coach living in Berkeley, California. Through her e-courses Superhero Photo & Mondo Beyondo and award-winning blog Superhero Journal, Andrea inspires others to live authentic, colorful and extraordinary lives. You can often find her sitting on the kitchen floor with her four-year-old, asking him to leap so she can take a superhero portrait.
I met Andrea several years ago at our LoveBomb retreat and we've been friends ever since. Andrea has taught me so much about the power of intuition and the importance of being present. There's amazing clarity in the way she communicates vulnerability and joy in her stories and in her photography - it's the best kind of truth-telling. Here's a link to some of my favorite stories from her blog, Superhero Journal.
[image error]by Andrea Scher
This summer Andrea launched Superhero Photo. The Superhero Photo course is all about creating a new way into joy, gratitude, and appreciation. Andrea guides students through six weeks of lessons, photo prompts, and activities that helps us become better photographers and teaches us to see our lives through a different lens.
Andrea writes, "In this course we will find ourselves in that sweet spot where creativity, play, and aliveness intersect. I believe that when we are living in this rich space where we are truly awake, we have more access to joy."
To celebrate Andrea, we're giving away one seat in the Superhero Photo course that starts next week! Just leave your name in the comments section and we'll pick a winner on Thursday! Ellen and I will see you in class! We're both taking it!
There's so much wisdom, joy, and humor in Andrea's answers! Enjoy the interview!
[image error]By Andrea Scher
Questions from The Gifts of Imperfection
On Vulnerability, Authenticity and Courage
Creativity, innovation, and truth-telling can be very vulnerable in our culture which is why we often feel deeply inspired when we see it. We'd love to know more about how you find the courage to share your authentic self and your work with the world.
1. Vulnerability is _____________________.
I think vulnerability is telling the truth. It's being brave enough to reveal our true self, without doing all those things we do to try to look good, to conceal our imperfections, to make ourselves seem like we have it all together. I have noticed when I read other writers/bloggers who are vulnerable in their storytelling, I find myself incredibly drawn to them, endeared to them and transformed by their stories.
It is one of the most powerful ways to connect.
That said, being vulnerable isn't a reality show style confessional. Airing our dirty laundry publicly, complaining, feels like oversharing and makes the reader feel uncomfortable… whereas sharing what's real connects us in our humanity. This is an important distinction and one I am always listening for when I share my own stories. Is this story universal and meaningful? Am I telling this story to manipulate the reader? To make them like me? Be clever? I don't always hit the mark but it's good to know where I am coming from.
When it's real it feels cathartic. I feel like my work is done for the day! It also feels a bit scary. My best posts are the ones when I wonder if I should push publish. It's a risk, but definitely one worth taking.
2. What role does vulnerability play in your work?
Vulnerability is a big piece of my work. I teach a class called Mondo Beyondo and we have actually identified vulnerability as one of the primary ingredients in making our dreams come true. It takes courage to take a leap of any kind (to make that call, to buy the ticket, to say yes) and vulnerability is that tender place we find ourselves in a few beats later. It is where uncertainty and the most hopeful parts of heart collide—it is often where magic happens.
3. What does authenticity mean to you and how do you practice it in your work?
Authenticity. This word gets thrown around a lot these days and I have to admit, some people can wield it like a sword.
I think authenticity is being real and being genuine and is also a process of truing up. It's finding yourself in alignment with your hearts' desires, to your values… it's listening to your voice. It requires courage.
In my own work, authenticity is the practice of listening to my heart, to my intuition and my voice. For as long as I've been an entrepreneur, I have been following what delights me most and focusing on that. I have discovered that following this path has always pointed me toward rightness and flow…
There is something called "right action" in Buddhism and it is the most efficient path because you are not doing anything extra, only what will take you exactly where you are supposed to go.
By Andrea Scher
4. Is perfectionism an issue for you? If so, what's one of your strategies for managing it?
I was a competitive gymnast as a kid, got perfect attendance certificates for every year in school, was terrified of getting anything worse than an A minus, and had an eating disorder in high school. Oh, and I think I was the homecoming queen.
Yep. I think I have some issues with perfectionism!
But I have been working on it. As a kid, I equated being perfect with being loved… and I think I still confuse the two. I often find myself doing what Brene calls "the hustle for worthiness." That dance we do so that people don't see how incredibly flawed and human we are. Sometimes I have my self-worth wrapped up in what I do and how good I look doing it, but mostly I am learning to let go. Parenthood has taught me a lot about that. It's messy and humbling and I am learning to show my mess.
To manage my perfectionism I give myself tons of permission to do things that are good enough. I do things quickly (having two small children will teach you how to do most tasks at lightning speed) and if it's good enough, it gets my stamp of approval.
I have a few mantras that help:
Quick and dirty wins the race.
Perfection is the enemy of done.
Good enough is really effin good.
5. What inspires you?
Beauty, great design, interesting juxtapositions of color, finding faces in unlikely places, storytelling (Storycorps, This American Life, The Moth) and radical kindness.
6. What's something that gets in the way of your creativity and how do you move through it?
When I am feeling stuck, nine times out of ten I just need to get out of my chair, away from my computer and move my body for a while. Even a short walk around the block helps loosen me up and keep my mind flexible.
7. Describe a snapshot of a joyful moment in your life. This was my Instagram photo of my 10 month old yesterday: Had a blowout, lost his pants, then got hold of a Sharpie. It's not your traditional joyful moment, but the laugh I had with some other parents when I explained how these events unfolded was worth its weight in gold.
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8. Do you have a mantra or manifesto for living and loving with your whole heart?
Turn on the f*cking faucet! To me that means, tell the truth, stop trying to make everything perfect, stop trimming and editing for what you think other people want to hear. Just let it out, let it be messy, let it be real.
This applies to creativity as well as love. Turn on the freaking faucet. Go all in. Edit less and say more. Let go of all the stuff that gets in the way and let it pour out.
Andrea and Ben
From James Lipton, host of Inside the Actor's Studio
1. What is your favorite word? pisellino (it means wee wee in Italian)
2. What is your least favorite word? Nasal
3. What sound or noise do you love? The sound of a dog eating crunchy food
4. What sound or noise do you hate? The sound of the radio on in the car while the baby's crying. Or maybe it's just the baby crying.
5. What is your favorite curse word? F*ck.
[image error]Andrea shooting by Micki
1. A song/band/type of music you'd risk wreck & injury to turn off when it comes on the radio? Anything from the 50's totally depresses me.
2. Best show on TV? Toss up. Glee or Project Runway.
3. Favorite movie? Bring it On
4. Best concert? That Ben Harper show when I got to go backstage. Swoon…
5. If you could put anything on a t-shirt, what would it be? I heart Tim Gunn.
6. Nightmare job? Truck driver. I hate driving and staying up late.
7. A talent you wish you had? I wish I could sing like Deb Talan.
8. Dream vacation? A Nia (dance) retreat somewhere tropical that involved crystal blue water, swimming with dolphins and amazing food.
9. On my nightstand you will find:
My Grandfather's Blessings by Rachel Naomi Remen, The Abstinence Teacher by Tom Perrotta, Matchbox cars, and ear plugs.
10. What's something about you that would surprise us? In the right company I can be as crude as a longshoreman.
From Smith Magazine's Not Quite What I Was Planning: Six Word Memoirs from Writers Famous and Obscure, what is your six-word memoir?
The trick was using my voice.
Self-portrait by Andrea Scher
I hope you enjoyed meeting Andrea as much as I enjoyed introducing her to our community! Don't forget to leave your name in the comments section to win a seat in Superhero Photo! We could all use a creative adventure!
September 11, 2011
stand by me
"If the sky that we look upon
Should tumble and fall
And the mountains should crumble to the sea
I won't cry, I won't cry, no I won't shed a tear
Just as long as you stand, stand by me"
For me, 9/11 was a day when the sky actually crumbled and fell. Not only was it a day of unimaginable terror and tragedy, it marked the beginning of a profound shift in our culture.
As a vulnerability researcher, I heard a new level of fear and uncertainty in the voices of the research participants - scarcity that permeated every aspect of our lives from war and work, to family, parenting, and self-worth.
9/11 thrust us into a collective "never enough" and it feels like we're still trying to find our way out. It would be easier if the answer was more money, more accomplishments, more power, more perfection, more security, more "better than" - but I don't think that's working on an individual or cultural level.
Healing scarcity and fear at a cultural level requires exactly what it takes for an individual or family: Connection. It's the willingness to both offer help and ask for help. It's about finding the courage to say, "Can you stand by me?" and "Can I stand with you?" Healing requires the courage to be vulnerable. This is the irony. This is the struggle.
The song Stand by Me reminds me of the power of music and how we can heal our deepest wounds with our simplest gifts:
The courage to tell our story;
The compassion to listen and honor both strength and struggle; and
The connection that happens when we let ourselves be seen.
I'm a huge fan of Playing for Change and their version of Stand by Me is exactly what I need today.
September 7, 2011
buy a book. save a life.
As a social worker and an activist, I wouldn't say, "Buy a book. Save a life." unless I believed we could literally save lives. As an extremely busy person, I wouldn't agree to contribute to a book unless I believed in the power of the message.
I'm part of END MALARIA because I believe in it.
Every 45 seconds a child dies from malaria and it's very easy to fix - it's a matter of will. Are we willing to do it? Our goal is to end malaria in Africa by 2015. I think it's possible.
Here's the bottom line:
I'm one of 62 contributors who were asked to write a short piece about the topic of Great Work – how to do more of the stuff that matters and less of all the other stuff that fills up your day.
The book is End Malaria: Bold Innovation, Limitless Generosity, and the Opportunity to Save a Life.
The book costs $25 and $20 is going directly the cause - that's 100% of the Kindle price, and 80% of the hard copy. The remaining $5 covers production costs. None of the contributors or the publishing house are taking any money from sales. Amazon makes NO profit.
$20 sends a mosquito net to a family in need and supports life-saving work in the fight against malaria.
The book is only available through amazon.com.
End Malaria is edited by the awesome Michael Bungay Stanier and published by Seth Godin's publishing house, The Domino Project.
I'm proud to be part of this and I wanted to invite you to be a part of making malaria history! Buy a book or 20. I think it makes the perfect holiday gift - your family member/friend/co-worker gets a powerful book about doing great work, and a family in need receives a life-saving mosquito net. It's a wholehearted WIN!
September 1, 2011
tgif (and thank you)!
It's been a while since I've posted for TGIF, but I think it's time! I'm feeling a little overwhelmed as we try to find our back-to-school-back-to-work groove. We're all still so tired in the mornings and I'm under a deadline for my new book (The Gifts of Imperfect Parenting). If there's one thing I've learned from the research, it's the power of gratitude! When I'm feeling low on joy, it's often because I'm not practicing enough gratitude.
For my TGIF, I want to share something really exciting with you. The Gifts of Imperfection is the #1 creativity book and the #1 spirituality book on Amazon.com right now. When I saw it, I couldn't believe it!
I know it won't last forever, but I'm trying to be very mindful about softening into joy and gratitude even when it's simply a moment - even when there are no guarantees about the very next minute. Even when it just means something to me (and the people around me who have to put up with CRAZY while I'm writing).
So, here's my TGIF for today:
I'm trusting that joy comes in moments that should be celebrated rather than dismissed because they are fleeting.
I'm grateful for your support and your contributions to this community.
I'm inspired by the power of perseverance. I could wallpaper my house in rejection letters from agents and publishers. Most of them started like this: Dear Dr. Renee Brown, While shame is an important subject, we're not sure that a book on shame, vulnerability, and worthiness will interest readers. There was one publisher who said they'd consider the book if I'd change it to "People's most embarrassing moments." Blech.
It's been a long, messy, awesome, scary, wonderful 12 years of research and writing. I wouldn't change a thing. Well, I might offer myself some relief on one or two of those really dark days when I felt like a nutty shame resilience evangelist!
I would love to know what you're trusting, grateful for, and inspired by today! Happy TGIF and thank you from the bottom of my whole heart!
August 29, 2011
an inspiration interview + giveaway with kal barteski
I started the Inspiration Interview Series because I wanted to know more about the people who share their work with the world and inspire me to practice courage, be creative, and dream big. Kal Barteski is one of those people - she rocks my world and her art rocks my walls! Meet Kal!
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Kal's art speaks to me in a very soulful way. There's so much love and goodness in what she does. This year I ordered several of Kal's Special Edition YOU ARE AWESOME posters as special teacher gifts. These were Charlie's teachers for the past three years and I wanted to do something to express our gratitude. I can't tell you how much they loved them! It always feels good to get something with your name on it.
I also bought these for my children (and my two nieces, but don't tell my sisters).
They make me weepy when I see them!
Here's another one of Kal's pieces. I think it's so beautiful!
[image error]Kal recently started an online movement to inspire positive change in the way art, photography, design, words, music, film and ideas are shared on the internet. It's made a significant difference in the way I think about linking and accrediting work. Read more about the Link with Love campaign here!
I'm so excited for y'all to get to know Kal! I hope you enjoy the interview as much I did!
To celebrate Kal and her incredible work, two readers will each win one of the 8X10 Personalized YOU ARE AWESOME posters! All you need to do is leave your name in the comments section. If you're reading this via email, please leave your comment on the blog!
Questions based on The Gifts of Imperfection!
On Vulnerability, Authenticity and Courage
Creativity, innovation, and truth-telling can feel very vulnerable in our culture which is why we often feel deeply inspired when we see it . We'd love to know more about how you find the courage to share your authentic self and your work with the world.
1. Fill in the blank for us: Vulnerability is ______________.
Vulnerability is transformative. I'm not sure that's even a word. But that's what I think about vulnerability. It changes you. It builds you or defeats you. It strips you. It rewards you. See? It's transformative. It's a little bit terrifying and a little bit magical.
2. What role does vulnerability play in your work?
Vulnerability is huge for me. I feel vulnerability is present in my work in two ways. First, it's a vulnerable place to display a painting. Every time I release a new piece of work - I feel vulnerable. It's not always easy to put yourself out there to be open for criticism.
Second, I have a relationship with paint and from within that relationship I feel a sense of comfort and safety sharing my emotions on canvas. I am an emotional artist and I paint what I am feeling. Pain, sorrow, joy, happiness, anger, defeat, hope - for some reason when those feelings are woven within 'art' - there is a freedom in being so vulnerable. Vulnerability connects us. It affects us. It's a little bit terrifying and a little bit magical.
3. What does authenticity mean to you and how do you practice it in your work?
Authenticity means everything to me. I see my work as a reflection of who I am. I find it incredibly hard to get behind an idea or painting or cause that I'm not personally attached to. Art is a way for me to communicate feelings. It's an honour for me to be able to make art. I believe that authenticity can be felt and it is one of the elements that makes art necessary and powerful.
4. Is perfectionism an issue for you? If so, what's one of your strategies for managing it?
Perfection is something I try to work on by simply being utterly imperfect at everything I do. I'm kidding. A little. Perfection is just a matter of perspective. When I set out to paint - I feel like that moment is a junction of an idea, skill and timing.
I do my best and maybe it isn't EXACTLY what I was after - but, it's a clear and true representation of that moment and how the idea, the skill, and the timing come together. On a different day - perhaps the execution would be different.
I don't pay too much attention to 'perfection' because life is always evolving and it is always a cocktail of idea, skill and timing. Sometimes those three elements come together to form magic - it's just right. And sometimes they don't - and it's perfect.
I try to manage my insecurities with something I call my Bulletproof Positive Attitude. It basically means to me that I am here for my own journey. I do not compare myself to others. I do kill myself with expectations. I don't talk myself out of chances. I do not listen too closely to the criticisms OR THE accolades - because BOTH are dangerous. I silence the doubts and fears that get in the way of the task at hand - making art.
5. What inspires you?
Words. Ideas. Moments. The intricate workings of my brain are incredibly complicated and simple at the same time. Inspiration is every where. Emotions are the filter we see the world through.
6. What's something that gets in the way of your creativity and how do you move through it?
Timing. Schedules get in my way. Creativity comes on a breeze. It's unpredictable. I feel an incredible sense of anxiety when the moment strikes and I can't do anything about it. I have three young toddlers right now and often it's just not possible for me to get to a creative urge in time. I feel a small sense of urgency and loss when that happens. I have made painting time a priority and have found a sense of peace that makes me a better mother, wife and friend.
7. Describe a snapshot of a joyful moment in your life.
Oh, I love my life. I have three little girls under four, a really great husband and a couple of french bulldogs so the most joyful moments occur when we are in the moment loving each other's company. Those moments are divine. But I also find exhilerating amounts of joy when I am deep in a painting and the ideas, skills + timing are turning to magic.
Now, for some fun!
From James Lipton, host of Inside the Actor's Studio
1. What is your favorite word? hippopotamus
2. What is your least favorite word? schizophrenic
3. What sound or noise do you love? waves
4. What sound or noise do you hate? barking dogs
5. What is your favorite curse word? I say EFF but I mean F*CK
From JL's Uncle Jessie Meme
1. Best show on television? I have no idea! We don't have TV!
2. Best concert? anything acoustic or with cellos
3. If you could have anything put on a t-shirt what would it be? SEQUINS!
4. Nightmare job (s)? Accountant, lawyer, doctor, nurse, accountant, hair dresser, office person... anything with paperwork, shipping, organization, accounting, strict hours...
5. A talent you wish you had? being fashionable
6. Dream vacation? Anywhere in the South Pacific
7. What's on your nightstand? A baby pacifier, Tina Fey's Bossypants, and Marian Bantjes' I Wonder.
8. What's something about you that would surprise us? I am madly in love with an accountant, I have a soft spot for Ice Cube and his crazy gansta rap, I am overwhelmbed in crowds and libraries.
From Smith Magazine's Not Quite What I Was Planning: Six Word Memoirs from Writers Famous and Obscure, what is your six-word memoir:
Paint so your heart is soft.
Huge thanks to Kal for inspiring us! Don't forget to leave a comment if you'd like to win your own YOU ARE AWESOME print.
Here's how you can connect with Kal: Twitter | Pinterest | Website | Classes | Book
August 26, 2011
hunting not-too-violent spies, whodunits, and conspiracy theorists
I know. It's the worst blog post title ever. The best thing you can say about it is it's accurate.
This summer, during a conversation with my buddy Scott Stratten, I mentioned that I was really anxious about my trip to Sydney. I'm not a comfortable flyer and that's a whole lotta water.
Scott suggested loading my iPad with movies and TV series that I don't have time to watch. It was a total anxiety-saver.
I'm trying to put together lists of movies or TV series that I want to download and watch while I travel.
I love, love, love political thrillers, Law and Order type-TV shows, and mystery movies. I like twists and turns and great acting.
But here's the catch: I have a very low tolerance for violence and zero tolerance for children being hurt or women being relentlessly targeted. I'm also not crazy about slapstick.
I'm looking for movies that fit in this genre:
I saw The Usual Suspects, and it was really well done, but way too violent for me.
I also love fun films like National Treasure.
I love Law and Order and NCIS, but I would never watch SVU or CSI.
I just bought the PBS Masterpiece series Prime Suspect with Helen Mirren, but I'm a little worried about the violence.
Also, I found this list of the 13 Best Political Thrillers, but I don't know anything about most of the films.
And what about these from Masterpiece Mystery? Any that you love or hate?
If you have a favorite WHODUNIT that has great twists, smart writing, not-too-grahic-or-gratuitous violence, and good-guy endings, I'd love to know!
Have a great weekend! I can't wait to read your suggestions!
