Brené Brown's Blog, page 38
April 4, 2011
it's not me. swear. (thoughts on cell phones + civility)
[image error]If you follow my blog or know me "in person" - you know that civility is a big issue for me. I wrote this piece on cell phones in 2009, and launched the Free-Range Social Media Campaign earlier this year.
From flipping people off because they're driving too slow to talking on our cell phones while we're checking out at the grocery store, I believe we are losing our way.
We live in an increasingly nervous world and so much of the political, environmental, economic, and social uncertainty that fuels our anxiety feels out of our control.
I understand how this anxiety leads to rage, impatience, and the "who cares if I'm on the phone, she's just a waitress" attitude. These are all easy ways to discharge stress and fear.
But here's the thing - our behaviors are choices and they are completely within our control. Unlike some of the other stressors that we have to navigate on a daily basis, we can ease some of the pressure that we all feel by treating each other with more respect.
Last month, during SXSW, I attended a brunch hosted by Mighty Events and Intel. The topic was "Civility." According to a recent "mobile etiquette" survey commissioned by Intel:
U.S. adults see an average of five mobile "offenses," including the use of mobile devices while driving or talking loudly on a mobile phone in public every day.
Among the respondents who reported seeing offenses, 56% saw car drivers using mobile devices, 48% saw people using one in a restroom and 32% saw them used in movie theaters
Top pet peeves include talking while driving and talking in a loud voice in public places
74% of survey participants believe that poor mobile manners have created a new type of rage (like road rage but directed at technology users)
65% say they become angry or outraged when they see these offenses . . . YET
20% say they continue to misuse technology because "everyone else is doing it."
I had the please of meeting Genevieve Bell at the brunch. She is an Intel fellow who heads up research into human interactions and experience at Intel Labs. She explained, "New digital technologies are becoming a mainstay in consumers' lives, but we haven't yet worked out for ourselves, our families, communities and societies what all the right kinds of behaviors and expectations will be."
Here's what I propose we do to affect a small dose of change: Leave a comment telling us one thing that you are currently doing that you'd be willing to change for one week. For example, talking while you're walking down the street or ordering fast food, or answering the phone when you're at a restaurant.
Also tell us one thing that really, really bugs you. My one thing is here. I'm going to give up talking while I'm grocery shopping. Last week I had to hang up on my friend because I moved through the line faster than I anticipated and the butcher was talking to me (I follow the "no phone while talking to customer service folks" rule). My friend was right in the middle of an important story and I felt the squeeze.
Thanks to Intel for the survey and Genevieve for this interesting research!
March 29, 2011
a beautiful video + two interviews
Liz Song of HopeLab debuted this amazing video at the 2011 TEDActive gathering. She curated three years worth of photographs, timed it with a beautiful song called Mile Marker by Amy Seeley, and paired it with an articulation of her life journey. Here's what emerged!
So Wholehearted (and exactly the reminder I need). Here's Liz Song's blog.
Interviews
I recently had the pleasure of being interviewed by two fascinating people, Michael Bungay Stanier (author of Do More Great Work) and Koren Motekaitis. Here are the links to the inteviews - hope you enjoy the conversations as much I did!
How She Really Does It with Koren Motekaitis
March 24, 2011
quote of the week
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Today, I'm choosing to believe this is true.
March 22, 2011
better by mistake - a book giveaway!
When New York Times columnist Alina Tugend realized that she had made a mistake in her column, her first instinct was to disown or cover it up and then rationalize that a correction wasn't really needed. The "cover up" moment quickly passed and she worked with her editor to submit a correction.
Lucky for us, when she began thinking about her next column she decided to write about her experience and why she so hated having to do that public correction. The column became one of the most emailed essays at The Times.
Prompted by the extraordinary outpouring of responses to her article on mistakes, Tugend has written a book that draws on the latest research, and numerous interviews with leading experts, psychologists, sociologists and more to reveal how mistake-avoidance can affect us from the earliest stages in our lives and shape us into adults who steer clear of risks and challenges.
She writes, "Most Americans absorb a culture of mistake-evasion virtually from birth, but the cost is high. By avoiding errors we stifle creativity, innovation, and the ability to grow and learn in all walks of life."
In Better by Mistake, Tugend turns our cultural wisdom on its head to show us the downside of striving for perfection and the rewards of acknowledging and accepting mistakes and embracing our imperfections. I love the way she cracks open the myths that we so readily believe. For example,
Myth: Perfectionists make better workers.
Fact: Many perfectionists fear challenging tasks, take fewer risks, and are less creative than nonperfectionists. One research study found that perfectionists performed more poorly than their counterparts in a writing task. It may be that perfectionists so dread receiving feedback that they don't develop the same writing skills as nonperfectionists.
I've learned so much from this book. It's confirmed my own research about perfectionism, shame, and vulnerability, and it's helped me make new connections in my personal and work life.
I'd love to share this book with you, so leave your name in the comments section and I'll send the winner a copy of Better by Mistake and The Gifts of Imperfection. The winner will be announced on Wednesday (as an update to this post).
March 4, 2011
"the gifts of imperfection" national pbs schedule
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My hour-long show, "The Gifts of Imperfection" will start airing tomorrow, March 5th. Below is a list of cities and dates. Please check your local public television station for exact air times (several cities are airing it first thing tomorrow morning).
Most of the PBS stations have websites that list the dates and times for their pledge programming. We are still adding cities to the list, so if you don't see your local PBS station, I would check their programming schedule or call the station.
If you enjoyed The Gifts of Imperfection or I Thought It Was Just Me or the TEDx talks I think you'll love the show. I cover my research on perfectionism, shame resilience for women and men, authenticity, and wholeheartedness.
This is my first real TV experience and it was pretty scary. I did for two reasons: I'm passionate about my work and I'm passionate about public television. It's the first time it's airing nationally so many stations are "testing it." Some of the times might require setting your DVR! I'll be live in the studio for the 3/7 airing in Houston, and the 3/22 airing in Seattle!
I've learned that wholehearted living is a collection of choices. For our family, one of those choices is PBS. We were proud members before this program and we will continue to support public television. I'm so grateful to be able to turn on Sesame Street or Dinosaur Train and know that Charlie is having fun and learning. Steve and I love NOVA, Masterpiece Theater, and the news programs. Of course, our favorite is Austin City Limits!
I hope you enjoy the show and I invite you to call in and pledge your support for public television! The pledge packages include some items that are exclusive to PBS, including a DVD on shame resilience and downloads for the books.
If you check with your local station and they're airing the program but they're not on the list, let me know! The station list isn't in any particular order!
WNET New York, NY 3/6
WTTW Chicago, IL 3/5 and 3/11
WYIN Merrillville, IN 3/5
WNJT Trenton, NJ 3/5
WHYY Philadelphia, PA 3/5 and 3/6
WGBH Boston, MA 3/5 and 3/6
WPBA Atlanta, GA 3/6
GPBS Atlanta, GA 3/6
KUHT Houston, TX 3/7 - 3/17
WTVS Detroit, MI 3/5 and 3/8
WUSF Tampa, FL 3/5, 3/6 and 3/14
KAET Phoenix, AZ 3/5, 3/10, 3/16, 3/22, 3/26, 3/29
KCTS Seattle, WA 3/5, 3/10, 3/22, 3/26, 3/29 (I'll be live in the studio on 3/22)
KBTC and KCKA Tacoma, WA 3/8 and 3/10
KTCA/KTCI Twin Cities TV 3/5, 3/9, 3/15
WMVT/WMVS Rocky Mountain PBS, Denver, CO 3/10
WMFE Orlando, FL 3/6 and 3/11
KOCE Los Angeles, CA 3/8
KVIE Sacramento, CA 3/7 and 3/8
WTIU Bloomington, IN 3/13
MPT Maryland Public Television Baltimore, MD 3/6
KPBS San Diego, CA 3/5
UNC-TV North Carolina 3/5
KCPT Kansas City, KS 3/12 and 3/13
MPTV Milwaukee, WI 3/12
WGVU/WGVC Grand Rapids, MI 3/12 and 3/12
WITF Harrisburg, PA 3/19 and 3/20
WKNO Cardova, TN 3/6
KENW Portales, NM 3/13
OETA Oklahoma Network 3/5
WJCT Jacksonville, FL 3/5 and 3/6
WSBE Providence, RI 3/5
KETS Little Rock, AR 3/13 and 3/15
WPTD Dayton, OH 3/6 and 3/16
WGCU Fort Meyers, FL 3/12
WCMU Mt. Pleasant, MI 3/11 and 3/18
KPTS Wichita, KS 3/5, 3/12, 3/14, 3/20
WPT Wisconsin Public Televsion 3/5, 3/12, 3/13, 3/19, 3/20
KUAT/KUAS Tuscon, AZ 3/6, 3/7, 3/13
KOZK Springfield, MO 3/16
KHET Honolulu, HI 3/12
SCETV South Carolina Public Television 3/5
WCNY Syracuse, NY 3/6
WILL Ubrana, IL 3/11
KRWG Las Cruces, NM 3/6
KCOS El Paso, TX 3/10
WPSU University Park, PA 3/5
WNIN Evansville, IN 3/5
WGBY Springfield, MA 3/6
WKAR East Lansing, MI 3/6
WTVP Peoria, IL 3/8, 3/9
KTWU Topeka, KS 3/5
WDSE Duluth, MN 3/6
WQLN Erie, PA 3/5
KUSM Bozeman, MT 3/12
KEET Eureka, CA 3/7
KCWC Riverton, WY 3/6
February 28, 2011
c25k. any takers?
My friend Farrah told me that her husband is using the C25K app to train for a race in March. C25K stands for Couch-to-5K. It's a 9-week program designed for people who are just taking up running.
You start by alternating between walking and running until you build strength. For example, the first week you run for 60 seconds then walk for 90 seconds and repeat that for 20 minutes.
The second week you increase to 90 seconds running and 2 minutes walking, and so on, until at week 9 you are able to run for 30 minutes straight, roughly 5K.
The schedule is 3 times a week for 30-40 minutes per workout.
Here's the cool part: The app enables you to listen to your own music while it gives you audio cues when to switch from walking to running. You can also program it to tell you that you're at the halfway point so you you can turn around (or call a cab).
I'm starting tomorrow with the goal of running my 5K on 4/30.
Anyone want to join me? If you've done (or are doing) C25K, I'd love to hear about your experience!
February 22, 2011
quote of the week - margaret young
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February 18, 2011
generosity day giveaway #2 - LadyBird Land
One of my favorite artists is Allison Strine. I fell in love with her folk art birds and wonderful wit over at her LadyBird Land Etsy store. I wear her necklaces and giggle every time I walk by this magnet on my fridge:
Last year Allison created this print and necklace to celebrate the Wholehearted Movement!
Allison has a new book launching on February 21st through StoryPeople. It's a wonderful collection of her art and words. I'm celebrating Allison's new project and Generosity week with a LadyBirdLand Book giveaway!
Leave your name in the comments section and I'll pick two winners on Sunday night. I always post the winners' names at the bottom of the original post, so check back on Monday!
I'll leave you with this great image because it captures just how I'm feeling today!
February 14, 2011
generosity is my new valentine
I've been inspired by Sasha Dichter to reboot Valentine's Day to Generosity Day!
In this post, Sasha writes,
"Valentine's Day is going to be rebooted as Generosity Day: one day of sharing love with everyone, of being generous to everyone, to see how it feels and to practice saying "Yes." Let's make the day about love, action and human connection.
Give to people on the street. Tip outrageously. Help a stranger. Write a note telling someone how much you appreciate them. Smile. Donate (more) to a cause that means a lot to you. Take clothes to GoodWill. Share your toys (grownups and kids). Be patient with yourself and with others. Replace the toilet paper in the bathroom. All generous acts count!
As you act generously, and as you witness acts of generosity, please keep folks updated on Twitter using the #generosityday hashtag or post it on the Generosity Day Facebook page.
I love this idea so here's what I'm going to do: I'm going to turn Valentine's Day into Generosity Week with two blog giveaways - one today and one on Thursday. I'm also going send a check to my favorite nonprofit, I'm going to say "yes" when given the opportunity, and I'm going to focus on practicing compassion with myself and the people around me.
I hope you'll join me!
Today, I'm giving away three "book/DVD packages." Three folks will get a copy of The Gifts of Imperfection, I Thought It Was Just Me, and The Hustle for Worthiness DVD.
Just leave a comment telling us about a generous person whom you are grateful for today.
I'm grateful for my husband, Steve. Not only has he been my Valentine for 24 years, he's incredibly generous with his love, time, and wisdom. I'm so thankful!
Happy Generosity Week!
February 9, 2011
faith, doubt and inspiration
As I look around at the political and social struggle around us, I'm reminded of my own struggle to find/reclaim faith in my life. As a lover of all things certain, I wanted faith to work like an epidural; to numb the pain of vulnerability. As it turned out, my faith ended up being more like a midwife - a nurturing partner who leans into the discomfort with me and whispers "push" and "breathe."
Faith didn't make my life less vulnerable, it simply offered to travel with me through the uncertainty.
As I continue to study vulnerability and examine the intersection of vulnerability and faith, it's becoming increasingly clear to me that faith without vulnerability is extremism - it's using faith as a tool of certainty. Faith becomes bankrupt on its own terms.
I love this quote from theologian Richard Rohr:
"My scientist friends have come up with things like 'principles of uncertainty' and dark holes. They're willing to live inside imagined hypotheses and theories. But many religious folks insist on answers that are always true. We love closure, resolution and clarity, while thinking that we are people of 'faith'! How strange that the very word 'faith' has come to mean its exact opposite."
In The Gifts of Imperfection, I write about the men and women whose words inspired me on this journey. I'd like to share some of those today.
Anne Lamott's quote, "The opposite of faith in not doubt; but certainty" from Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith.
Pema Chödrön's book, Comfortable with Uncertainty: 108 Teachings on Cultivating Fearlessness and Compassion.
When the Heart Waits by Sue Monk Kidd
Paulo Coelho's book, The Alchemist (which I'm re-reading with Ellen right now)
Richard Rohr's interview "Utterly Humbled by Mystery" from NPR's This I Believe.
Martin Buber's book, I and Thou.
I'm still on my spiritual adventure and some days are easier than others. I'm learning that laughter, creativity, music, and nature are all essential to my faith life. I'm learning that faith isn't separate from my belief in justice and inclusivity - it fuels it. I'm learning to experience God as something within me, not someone up in the clouds who resembles George Burns or one of those daunting pictures from the walls of my elementary school.
My faith is most alive when I'm willing to be vulnerable and open to connection - with myself, my family, my friends, and even with strangers. As Martin Buber wrote: "When two people relate to each other authentically and humanly, God is the electricity that surges between them."
