Tracy Engelbrecht's Blog, page 5

Which child is better off?

A few months ago, I was getting off the train after work. Walking next to me were a young couple (maximum age maybe 19/20?) with a newborn baby. Tiny, brand new newborn. Mom was wearing pyjama pants and slippers, carrying baby in a bundle of blankets. Dad was carrying a nappy bag (brand new! with bunnies!) and holding on to mom’s arm like she was made of glass. As they went down the steps, he walked slightly ahead of her clearing the way so she didn’t trip with the precious bundle. I caught a glimpse of her train ticket (single, one-way). Mowbray to Fish Hoek. I was sure she’d just given birth at Mowbray Maternity (probably that same day) and they were now on their way home.

As I watched them get on the taxi, I thought – dudes, you’ve got a heck of a road ahead of you. But from I’ve just seen (in the space of 3 minutes) – you and baby will be okay. The care, the connection between the three of them and the notion that this was just a MOMENTOUS occasion – well, you could feel it. They will be okay.

5 minutes later, I see a toddler (2/3) running alone in the parking area. Across the thoroughfare where the cars screech past. Shouting and crying. Couldn’t see anyone with him. Then I heard her.

From the opposite side of the adjacent petrol station, mother was standing at the open door of her fancy Mercedes, on her phone, then screaming at him that she’s going to leave without him if he didn’t hurry up.

Now – I get that sometimes tough love or firmness or whatever is called for. But that does not mean letting a 3 year old run around alone in front of cars because you are too lazy to walk 20 metres to pick him up and PUT him in the car if necessary. Doesn’t mean screaming at your child like a dog in public. If something had happened to that boy, if he’d been knocked down (as he so easily could have been) – that mother would have been the first to cry Tragedy.

The contrast between the two families was stark.

One family, young, vulnerable and definitely NOT rich – scared as all hell, probably. But yet still managing to emit a tangible air of LOVE out into the world, and into their baby’s life.

The other family, well-off, probably has done everything “right” that society recommends. Toddler boy probably has medical aid and the beginnings of an education plan. He’s not going to be short on anything material in his life. But does he really have what he needs? People who pay attention, people who WANT to be around him, people who will inconvenience themselves to make sure he’s safe, happy and feels loved?

I don’t think he has that. What does this lack mean for him as he grows older?  He could turn out exactly like his mother (most of us do!), or he could retreat into himself and become something he never should have been.

 

So which child is better off?

 

The “on-purpose” reasons for teen pregnancy

This post requires even more mental energy than yesterday’s one.

A few things you have to know first.

The life that many of us lead – safe, comfortable with people who love us, a roof over our heads and food in the fridge – is NOT the life that many young girls have in South Africa. Their circumstances are completely unlike yours. For many, it’s a case of day-to-day survival. A vague idea of “the future” is a luxury that she cannot afford.

It’s about TODAY, making things work in the ways that are available to her. So any logic that YOU might want to apply to a planned teen pregnancy – does not work for her. In the long run, yes, your logic works better. But there IS NO LONG RUN for a girl who doesn’t have school shoes, sanitary pads, breakfast, parents who care, or a way to see a possibility of a better life.

It takes a certain type of person to live through that and emerge unscathed. Most of us reading this have never been tested in this way. Most of us are probably NOT that certain type of person. She has to live the life she’s been given.

So! On to the reasons why girls get pregnant on purpose.

1. Emotional reasons: she wants somebody to love. She needs to feel unconditional love (who doesn’t?) and a baby will provide that. Yes, having a child as a teenager comes with countless complications. But she’s right. A child WILL love her in the way that she needs – but it’s not the child’s job, and if she can’t provide for that child, emotionally / practically, then the cycle starts all over again. Her family should have provided that love. If they had, there would not have been a gap that needed to be filled.

How do we fix it: by fixing families. By building stronger, happier families who truly know what unconditional love is about, and parents who understand their responsibilities towards their children: not just financial or disciplinary – but emotional. Young Mom Support is trying to do that, by reaching those young moms- building their confidence and capacity to love and nurture their children, showing them what a parent’s REAL job is – we’re effectively reaching two generations at once.

2. Financial reasons: among the biggest myths about teen pregnancy is that the girls are all after the child support grant. This might be true in some cases. In my experience, most of the teen moms i know are NOT receiving the grant, for many reasons (R300 a month not worth the amount of red tape / travel expenses it takes to get it). Of course, there will be some who DID get pregnant for exactly that reason. You still have to divide that group up into 2: the ones who want R300 a month to party, while granny raises baby, and the ones who are so desperate for any money at all – to survive – that R300 a month to cover the entire family’s expenses seems like a viable option.

How do we fix it: oh, that’s an easy one! Just eradicate poverty! Quick, on our lunch break. Seriously though, this will take generations, huge changes in the way our world works, and people who are willing to do it. So – not in a hurry, basically.

3. Relationship reasons: goes along with the two reasons above: if there’s a baby, the boyfriend might stick around to love me, OR boyfriend might be forced into supporting me financially. Both reasons suck, both reasons don’t work.

How do we fix it: fix the two things above. THEN – make sure girls know what a healthy relationship looks like. Make sure our boys are offering that sort of healthy relationship. Make sure both boys and girls are aware that relationships ought to be built on love, trust, sharing. And that no relationship based on deception or power will ever work. If they’ve never seen that in practice, how will they know?

4. I just want a different life: this one is hard. Some girls have it tough, for all the reasons mentioned above. Having a child will always change your life, and often (if you do it right), it can be for the better. Parenthood often changes the way we view ourselves, the way others view us, and seems to move us out of the “rut” we find ourselves in. Even girls who don’t have the above issues in their lives can struggle with figuring out where they fit. What is their life for? What are they doing here? It’s a normal question that all normal teenagers ask themselves – it’s a path to growing up. Sometimes the answer is easily found, sometimes it’s not.

How do we fix it: this one is so often neglected. Not many people even consider it. But it’s a valid situation that many people find themselves in. Parents, teachers – everyone who has contact with teenagers, need to realise that this isn’t just a “teen-angst” drama queen thing that can be ignored. Feeling lost and needing change happens to most of us at some point. It’s real. Recognise it when you see it, and try to help her find her way.

5. Partner wants a baby: this one happens most often when the power dynamics are skewed in a relationship. Often there’s a big age gap – he’s much older than her. He supports her financially, he wants a child – for whatever reason (sometimes as a way of tying her to him permanently). She doesn’t feel like she can say no. Maybe she has nowhere else to go.

How do we fix it: the screwed up relationships between men and women need to fixed. NOTHING will ever get sorted until this is done. All of us can do it, by examining our own beliefs about the place of men and women. Culture is not an excuse. Cultures are made out of people. People can change their minds. So can cultures.

Please, spare me with the LET’S EMPOWER WOMEN malarkey. It doesn’t work in isolation. We’ve been trying to empower women for 100 years – and while there has been progress, let’s not pretend we’re anywhere near done. Until men (and the women who buy into the crap) change their minds about how things should work – every single one of those GIRL CHILD projects is pretty much useless.

Depressed now? You should be.

Anyway – these are only my thoughts on why girls get pregnant on purpose. As I’ve said, everybody has a different reason or bunch of reasons. Most of the reasons I’ve mentioned above relate to SURVIVING IN THE WORLD AS IT IS TODAY

Does that sound, really, like it can be solved by telling girls to “keep their legs closed”?

 

 

So why do girls get pregnant?

Sigh… have finally managed to get myself into gear to post this. Everybody wants a quick fix solution to the problem of teen pregnancy.

Newsflash – there ISN’T ONE.

They believe everybody is the same and it’s all down to not enough discipline, not enough education, not enough green vegetables. Or something. It’s a combination of all those things and 100 more, and everybody has their own story.

Parents, teachers, healthcare providers, society (that’s you and me, buddy) – all have a part to play.

First I’ll tackle the “accidental” reasons. Will leave the “on purpose” post for another day.

The most obvious reason (ha!) is that teens fall pregnant because they’re having sex. Parents are terrified of admitting that teens are sexual beings. That sexual expression and wanting to have sex is normal, natural and part of growing up. You can’t get anywhere NEAR preventing unintended pregnancy, sexually-transmitted disease or HIV infection until you admit that sex happens, even to the nicest of people.

If you’re stuck thinking that sex is wrong, evil, unnatural or is only had by problem children – do not pass go. Do not collect $200.  Watch those teen pregnancy stats rise while you clutch your pearls. Go on, we’ll wait, over here in the real world.

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Some of the reasons you’ll see below seem simple: everybody knows that contraception is free. Surely that means everybody can use birth control? In practice, no.

Clinics can be difficult to access: logistically (how will I get there without anybody knowing), financially (I need taxi money to get there), emotionally (I know I’ll be treated badly when I get there, or I won’t be treated confidentially).

Then there is the issue of partners not being willing to use condoms (don’t you trust me? I can’t get you pregnant / don’t have HIV, if you loved me you wouldn’t ask me to use a condom). The ugly truth of the state of women’s rights (in practice) – even today. Too many girls (and women) feel they have not autonomy over their own lives, bodies, choices. It’s easy to scoff at that – it’s 2013 after all. Why don’t they just say NO?

But they’re RIGHT. Sometimes they DON’T have the ability to stand up to the men in their lives. All the self-esteem and empowerment lectures in the world will do NOTHING, if she still has to go back home to the same guy, the same family, the same community – where NOBODY has been lecturing the men.  Sometimes this means that she can’t say no, realistically, to sex.  Sometimes it means she cannot demand condom use. This is not something a 16 year old girl can change by herself. We all have a part to play in this.

She has the right to want a romantic relationship – it’s no good telling her she should concentrate on her schoolbooks and ignore the boys. EVERYBODY wants to be loved. There is NOTHING wrong with wanting this. It’s how that love is expressed, how that relationship works, which is the issue.

Some simply don’t KNOW anything about sex or contraception – the people who should have explained (parents, teachers) – HAVE NOT DONE SO. A once-off conversation is not enough. Every single one of those colourful blocks on the picture below needs to be discussed in detail. Over and over again. Questions need to be anticipated and answered truthfully, without judgment. Information needs to offered continually, even without being asked. ESPECIALLY when she hasn’t asked.

Not using contraception properly: again, parents, teachers, health care providers: are you being explicit about how it works? Are you ALL being realistic about what she will be able to make work successfully, in practice?

Contraception fails sometimes. It happens. Has anyone told her what causes failures?

Temporary lapses in judgment also happen. People make mistakes sometimes, which have lasting consequences. Cover all the bases above and those lapses will be less likely to happen, but you can never eradicate them completely. Because humans are human.

“It won’t happen to me”  - I’m invincible. A momentary lapse is one thing. An ongoing attitude of not caring about consequences is another issue altogether and is a sign of some serious problems in thinking. Parents, teachers – anyone with access to teenagers who think this way need to be talking constantly about how NOBODY is bulletproof.

These are just some of the reasons. For every teen pregnancy statistic, there’s a human being with one or more of these reasons all tangled up in a messy web of what’s called LIFE. Nothing is simple, nothing is black or white.

So, by all means – talk education.  Talk self-esteem. But never forget who you’re talking TO. Human beings with their own circumstances, personalities, brains, lives and feelings.

Some of my thoughts below, handily colour-coded. Click on pic to view larger image

Masi meeting: October 2013

Chaos! Chaos I tell you! For some reason yesterday we seemed to be overrun with children. We had a number of new mommies join us yesterday, so there were many extra children. For the first time we ran out of food and the children could only have a muffin each instead of their usual plate of goodies.

After our visit to Masi High a few weeks ago, many new young moms joined us, which was great! We spoke about Positive Parenting – a fancy name for common sense and kindness in parenting. From next week, Phateka & Phakama will be running weekly sessions at the Youth Centre, specifically for the younger school girl moms. By joining YMS at the Youth Centre, they’ll also have access to the other services the centre offers, like teen-friendly contraception and HIV-testing services, among many other things.

So it’s a great step forward for us, and lovely to have effective partners like the DTHF who are doing great work.

Yesterday though, yesterday was crazy. I’m still aching!

How can I get my child’s father to take responsibility?

*Disclaimer*: When I use the word “father”, it could just as easily be “mother”, if the situations were reversed.

I hear this question all the time. As a single mom, I asked it myself a million times in the early days.

It takes two people to make a baby. Both have responsibilities. Financial, emotional, practical ones. It’s not a case of 50/50. Both parents should be giving 100%.

Very often, it doesn’t work like that. In the case of teen moms, sometimes the dad does not want to (or is not able to) support the child financially. This causes complications and extra financial responsibility for the mother. There ARE ways around this, such as claiming maintenance via the courts. As many of you know, this is often a long, frustrating and often futile process. But you have to try.

The more complicated issue is when a dad (whether he’s paying or not), is not interested in being involved in the child’s life. Not interested in doing his part, taking responsibility or even having a responsibility-free, fun-dad relationship with his child.

Moms ask me all the time – How can I get him interested?

Short and nasty answer: you can’t.

Rule one: This is NOT about you.

Rule two: You cannot force a person to love another person, even a sweet  innocent child

Rule three: This is NOT about you.

Rule four, five & six: This is NOT about you.

Yes, a deadbeat dad causes extra work for the mom. She has nobody to rely on, nobody to “help”, nobody to shoulder some of the strain of parenting. It HURTS to realise that dad does not love this little person who you care about so much. It HURTS to know that some day you’re going to have to explain this to your child. It makes you ANGRY knowing that he is “getting off easy” while you do all the work.

Truth is, you can’t make it right. Only he can.  All YOU can do is behave in a way that ensures you’ll be able to look your child in the eye one day and say you did all you could.

Your 1st responsibility: do all you can to make sure he is supporting his child financially. NOT because it helps YOU – but because it is YOUR CHILD’S right. Sometimes, this isn’t going to work. Then it IS going to be all on you.

Your 2nd responsibility: never ever ever say bad things about dad to your child. No matter how frustrated or angry you get, no matter how hurt you feel on your child’s behalf. DON’T DO IT. You need to be able to look back one day, when your child asks, and KNOW 100% that you did everything right.

Your 3rd responsibility: keep encouraging dad to be involved. Tell him your child wants him and needs him around. Keep all your personal feelings about him to yourself. Do NOT fight with him about his life or choices. Do NOT say he has a responsibility to you to help. He doesn’t. He has a responsibility to his child. Keep trying, so you can tell your child that you did.

Your 4th responsibility: know when to let it go. An abusive, addicted or criminal father has no place in a child’s life, until such time as he’s not those things anymore. If there is no relationship with the child, despite your best efforts to build one, and you see that your child is happy, healthy and secure despite this (this is YOUR job, to make sure that they are) – then no father is better than a lousy father. Continuing to fight to make dad care will stress you out, will ultimately stress your child out, and as they get older, they might resent being forced to interact with a father who obviously doesn’t want to.

While the courts might be able to legally compel a parent to pay maintenance, they cannot be forced to care. Any parent who is being forced into doing it will NEVER do a good job.

So sometimes, as unfair as it is (to you and mostly your child)  -you have to let it go. Let him wander off into the sunset, knowing that your child will be okay regardless, because YOU will make sure of it.

Yes, it sounds like he’s “getting off scott-free”, and that makes some people angry. So what? So what if he’s now having an easy life while you struggle?

The Rules above, remember? It’s NOT about you. It’s only about your child. And if your child is okay, that’s all that counts. Even if it means you have to pick up all the slack and do all the work – the alternative is that you don’t. That you say “Dad won’t do his share, why should I do extra?”

That is the OPPOSITE of a good mother.

That lousy dad may one day wake up and realise what he’s lost. That’s sad. It’s sad for a child if his father doesn’t care. But it doesn’t have to define their life. You can make sure it doesn’t.

Your job: try and try and try again. Mind your own business about his personal life (unless it directly affects the child). Make a life for your child that will be awesome despite dad. Know that you’re doing it all the right way, and your child will always know that you did what was best for him.

So – how can you make a father take responsibility? You can’t. Only he can decide to do that. If he doesn’t, you go on regardless. Because that’s your job.

 

Are you ready to be a mother?

It’s a question we hear often. We ask ourselves. We ask our friends. People tell us when we “should” feel ready and when we “aren’t”.

Women who plan their pregnancies often do so because they believe they ARE ready.  They’ve ticked everything off the list.

Stable relationship? Check.

Finances in order? Check.

Work / education in order? Check.

Home and family and time in order? Check.

You will read countless articles about how to know when you’re ready. What you should have in place before you decide to become a parent. And all those things are sensible. Because having them all in order makes life easier when you’re a parent. It’s not complicated by money or relationship or family worries. You have less to stress about. So you think you’ve got it under control.

Then baby comes, and reality hits.

The thing is. NOBODY is EVER ready for the changes that parenthood brings. So much is different. Responsibilities are different. Feelings are different – about ourselves, our families, our relationships, the world. Time is different. Logistics are different. Money is different. Clothes and hair and days and nights are different.

And so often, for all the plans you’ve made, even with all your boxes ticked on the list – it’s still different for everybody. It’s still a shock or a surprise when you realise how things are not what they used to be.

Some people cope with these  changes well. They roll with it, go with the flow, do what needs to be done, sort out what needs sorting. And accept that life is not the same.

So – ARE YOU READY – is the wrong question. There is no magical age or stage in life at which you will be ready to be a good parent, suddenly and without upheaval.

There is no such thing as ready.

The RIGHT question is this: Are you WILLING?

Are you willing to go with those changes?

Are you willing to sacrifice what needs to go, in order to give your child a good life?

Are you willing to throw yourself into it completely?

Are you willing to learn?

Are you willing to struggle and make mistakes?

Are you willing to not always feel like you have all the answers?

Are you willing to say HELP ME – I don’t know what I’m doing?

Are you willing to keep going, no matter how hard it gets, because parents don’t get to give up?

Are you willing to accept that life is now different?

Being WILLING is what makes a successful parent. It is a decision. A choice.

Not a switch that miraculously gets flicked on at a certain age or bank balance.

So if you, as a young mother, say “I wasn’t ready” – and think that’s an excuse for not doing the job… it’s not.

This applies to parents of ANY age. Having the “READY” boxes checked does not equal willingness.

You can make the choice at any time to be willing. Whether your pregnancy was planned or not, you can STILL decide if you are going to take on the job, and do it well.

You can make the choice NOT to be willing. That’s the decision you make when or before you become pregnant.

Not having all those checkboxes ticked before you become a parent will make it more complicated. But it does not mean that you can’t do it. It doesn’t mean that millions of others haven’t done it before you. It’s not an excuse for not doing the job.

If you’re NOT willing to make those changes – OWN that decision. Say – I understand what this is going to take – and I don’t want to.

That is fine. Make another choice. Choose not to get pregnant, choose abortion or adoption.

But don’t think that it was out of your control.

I am willing. I’m hardly ready. But I will do what I must, because I choose to.

This might sound scary. Like it’s a lot of pressure on you. Because we all ask “Can I do this?” and the answer is simply, as it always is – “It’s up to you”

Instead of feeling scared, feel brave. There’s no magic bullet that will make you a good parent. There is only YOU.

It’s the good news & the bad news:

The bad news: it’s all up to you

The good news: it’s all up to to you

And you CAN. If you’re willing.

 

Your rights & responsibilities

As young parents, you have both rights and responsibilities. Most of them are the same as the rights and responsibilities of any parent. Here are some them, from our teen mom support workshop series.

To me the most important one is this:

ASK FOR HELP WHEN YOU NEED IT.

This is both a right AND a responsibility. You should not have to struggle alone, but it’s UP TO YOU to keep trying to find the support you need.

You have the right

 To raise your child yourself, if it’s what’s best for them

 To continue your education

 To ask for help when you need it

 To ask questions of doctors, teachers & other caregivers

 To have some time to yourself

 To choose what is best for your child

 To be treated with respect by others

 To receive support from family, friends, school & society

 To make mistakes

 To be in a safe, healthy relationship that makes you happy

You have the responsibility

 To put your child’s needs before your own

 To find a way to support your child

 To not make your child someone else’s problem

 To treat your child with love, respect & care – keeping them safe, healthy and happy

 To ask for help when you need it

 To hear advice from others who have experience

 To be careful about who you allow into your life

 To avoid alcohol, drugs & unsafe sex, so you can always be there 100% for your child

 To do the hard work, even when you are tired or scared

“I don’t like being a mom”

Back at Driftsands yesterday. The average age of the moms there is much younger than Masi, because they were specifically targeted and invited by our partner group Driftsands Youth In Action.

Had an interesting discussion about “Positive Parenting” – which to me is just a fancy name for common sense

In other words, realising that your children learn by watching you, so being a good role model in terms of respect for others (especially respect for your child), kindness, calmness is so important. I emphasised ongoing, positive reinforcement from babyhood for the things they do right –  rather than relying solely on punishment when they do wrong.

Most of our moms were not brought up that way themselves – so it’s not an easy shift to make. But they were all so open to it and enjoyed the materials I brought along for them to take home.

Distributed some lovely goodie bags containing baby essentials, magazines, books and toiletries which were donated from the lovely people at the Baby Sense Seminar which happened a little while ago. Felt like Christmas morning!

One of the points in my presentation was about ENJOYING being a mom. You can’t be a good parent if you don’t WANT to be one.

So I asked – “How many of you DON’T like being a mom?” Several hands went up. It didn’t mean AT ALL what I thought it did.

Why don’t you like being a mom?

“All the changing nappies, discipline, cooking, hard work…”

 

So would you like to give your child away to someone else? Stop being a mom? Have your old life back?

“No! Not at all!”

Hmmm… a conundrum then?

Not actually. Getting to the bottom of it, it turns out that it’s the ADMIN of parenthood that she doesn’t like, not the actual parenting bit.

We discussed that ALL jobs have admin we have to do that we don’t like. Let’s face it, nobody LOVES changing poo nappies or washing them by hand or surviving sleepless nights. But that is not actually the job of PARENTING.

Parenting is about growing good people. By loving and teaching and living and being together.

By making sure that everything you do reflects the person you want your child to be.

Changing nappies is just a small part of that. Like a surgeon who saves lives every day. That’s his REAL job. But he also has to fill in reports, do paperwork, manage his staff… ADMIN. Boring, necessary admin.

We don’t like to do it – but if we remember that our real job is so much bigger than that, then facing that next stinky nappy becomes easier.

Was VERY cool to see that mom in particular start thinking about herself differently.

On the topic of how we think of ourselves…

They spoke out so strongly about they way they are treated and spoken to in their community, for being teen moms.

Yoh, so you were FIFTEEN when you had him!

Oh, so you’re one of THOSE girls then?

You’re a mother now, you can’t wear that / say that / do that

The judgment they face made me angry. It hurt me to see the way their confidence has been knocked down, the way OTHER PEOPLE make them feel worthless and ashamed.

I may have sworn a bit. I told them to look around at their children (seriously, check out the gallery below to see the most delicious kidlets ever) – look at them! Healthy, happy, well-mannered and lovely.

That is an achievement. Growing good people is something to be proud of. They are making an important contribution to the world by sending out decent humans.

In their parenting and in their own lives, they have so much to be proud of. Facing untold crap from other people, getting their own lives back on track, surviving on zero money (NO CHILD SUPPORT GRANTS HERE, PEOPLE) – and carrying on. Surviving, persevering and succeeding. All while everyone around them is telling them they can’t and they never will.

I told them to be proud. To stand up to those people and hold their heads up high. If they KNOW they are good mothers, nobody has the right or the ability to bring them down.

Nobody had EVER told them that before.

That sucks, man.

But that’s why I’m there. I think it’s starting to work.

 

Masi meeting: September 2013

As much as I’m supposed to be there for our moms, encouraging and supporting them, so often they end up doing the same for me. I don’t know what to say to our moms, my friends, who keep me going when feel down, who understand what Young Mom Support is trying to achieve, and who stand up for us.

Just – thank you.

Also, to see how some of our moms and children have blossomed and grown so confident has been lovely.

I did the same child abuse presentation which I’d done at Driftsands – the moms were deeply affected by the stats and pictures I presented, and it lead to some important discussions about child safety and our responsibilities as parents.

We put together a short video – moms talking about what Young Mom Support means to them and why they’ve joined. It’s mostly in Xhosa – I will get around to adding subtitles, but didn’t want to wait to put it up!

This week has made me realise again that although Young Mom Support doesn’t do what people might expect us to do, or want us to do, the way we work is incredibly important to me and we’re on the right track. We ARE different to other “pregnancy / parenting” organisations, and I’m proud of that.

 

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Driftsands: Youth in Action

Today’s been a day and a half. Will post more about that next week when I have details.

But for now, here are some awesome pics taken at Driftsand’s Women’s month celebration on 31 August.

It was a day organised by Asa, Zuko, Lebo and their Driftsands Youth in Action NPO. They’re an amazing bunch of young people doing so much for their small community – youth day, after school activities, and the women’s day event celebrating the older ladies who founded the Driftsands community in the early 90′s. I did a bit of a talk, which was cool.

So much love and respect in the room, so moving to hear the stories of their struggle to get a bridge built so that their children would no longer be killed crossing the N2.

The hard work, time, money and effort that the DFA team puts into their small community puts us ALL to shame. Really. Don’t ever ask “what can I possibly do?” or think it’s too overwhelming. It is and always be the little people of the community who make the biggest difference. That means US. You and me. Not politicians or business people or other such farts. Just us.

Thank you guys. You inspire me to do more. The future of our country is in good hands, people. These dudes are quietly getting on with the job of making things better.

Pics courtesy of Thulani Mahlangu. He and his friend Lukhanyo Mpumela visited to take pictures and write a report on the event – 2 MORE young men who I’m proud to know. Surrounded by them!