Alexa Shepard's Blog, page 8

I Love You More

In our house we like to play this little game.  It goes like this......  One of says "I love you", and then the other responds, "I love you more."  Now we are all just a tad competitive (and I have no idea where they get this from BTW) so we can't just leave it at that.  So my child then says  "NOT possible, I love you higher than mountains!" So, I respond, "Well, I love you to the moon!"  My child says:  "I love you to Jupiter and back!"  So, I say......  "I loved you first!"  And then there is silence.  Gotcha!  The words may change but we play this game often.  You would think that by now they would know that eventually I am going to play my trump card and WAMMY I WIN!!!  But instead we are always trying to prove our love for each other is greater.

A couple months ago I was playing this little game with my three year old grandson.  He said, "I love you grandma."  And so I replied, "I love you more."  He giggled and the game was on.  He loved me more than his matchbox cars, McDonalds Happy Meals, and his rocking horse, Black Beauty.  But then he said, "I love you more than candy!"  And WAMMY!  There was silence.  My grandson LOVES candy!!  I was speechless.  That's a lot of love.  It touched me so deeply.  I felt immeasurably loved and valued.  Silly I know....

So the other day my grandson and I were sitting on his couch and we started to play our little game.  We went back and forth proving and outdoing each others love for each other. That is until I said, "I love you more than candy!"  His smile turned serious and he said, " I'm done playing this game grandma."  I guess the competitive gene got passed down one more generation......

Some people have a huge capacity to love.  With five children my love was never divided among them, but multiplied.  The human heart grows and expands the more you love.  Moms know what unconditional love is.  A mothers love for her child is not earned or measured by the child's compliance or actions. It is not performance based.  If our children make bad choices, or get into trouble, we may be sad or disappointed, but it does not change our love for them.  This feeling, this knowing that I have about my love for my children, is the closest thing I can compare to how God loves us.  

Our worth to God, his unconditional love and acceptance of us, does not come from proving or earning it.  Every soul was created by God and in the image of God's love.  God's love is unfailing, eternal, everlasting, and unconditional. All of us crave this sense that we matter, that we have value, that we can be loved just as we are.  We want someone to truly see us and say, "You are more than."   Some of us try to earn it.  Some try to pretend to be perfect.  Some try to avoid the pain by self medicating with the habit of their choice.  God has already declared that our soul has great worth!

I realize that God plays the, "I  love you more" game with me daily.  He says, "I love you so much that I gave you a healthy body so you can run and jump and play with your grandchildren."  "I painted the sunset in vibrant colors so your eyes could see beauty."  "My love for you is wider than the streams, and taller than the mountains."  And then he says "I loved you first."   WAMMY!  I am speechless.  And then I remember.......  1John 4:19  We love because he first loved us.

You Are God's Beautiful Creation

If you ever want to hear the truth, listen to a child speak.  They haven't figured out that sometimes the truth hurts.  That not everything observed should be said out loud.  They haven't learned the manipulation of flattery, or how to say something untrue just to appease someone.  Grownups can wield words as weapons, or manipulate words for their own agenda.  Grownups have a filter, but some chose to ignore it all together.  But children say things because it's simply how they see it.  Unfiltered, unedited in all it's glory.... good and bad.

Have you ever had just "one of those days?"   You know that one I'm talking about.  The one where the whole world seems to be  pushing you down.  When you can be doing 100 things with grace, mercy, kindness..... and well just plain goodness, and then someone points their finger at the one thing you missed the mark on, or that one flaw that you haven't overcome, and all the sudden doubt sets in.  You rally to try harder, spin the plates a little faster, and then end up feeling like a failure and a disappointment. Like maybe your not good enough. Well I had one of those weeks.  Defeated, deflated and broken down.

As I was buckling my grandson into his car seat, I happened to just look into his little face.  He was so beautiful it made my heart smile.  I thought, this God, is good.  This is pure, this fills me with joy.  So I couldn't help saying to my grandson, "you are God's beautiful creation."  My two year old grandson put his pudgy little hands on both sides of my cheeks in a gentle caress.  "You Grandma, are God's beautiful creation."  And just like that, those words filled all the empty spaces in my wounded heart.  Have other people told me I'm amazing?  Sure.  But when my two year old grandson said it, I believed him.  

The bible tells us in Matthew 18:3  "Assuredly I say to you, unless you change and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven."  Why would God say this?  Because children are innocent and trust with pure, uncorrupted hearts.  Childlike faith, along with childlike love, is a direct path to God's heart.  Children are not concerned with the burdens and limitations the world places on them.  As adults we let these hurdles slow us down, knock us down, or keep us down.  Jesus is telling us to have child like faith.  To trust him for our identity, our value and our significance.  Rely on him to fill the empty spaces and supply our needs, just as a child depends on his parents for food, care, and love.   

I let the world tell me I was missing the mark.  Instead of turning my eyes to God, I crumbled.  I didn't see like a child sees.  That God is bigger than my limitations and my faults.  That I am his beautiful creation, imperfect as I am.  

I want to tell you today, that you my friend, are God's beautiful creation.  No matter what is going on in your life, have faith that God made you on purpose and with a plan!

 

Were Those Really Simpler Times?

Moms throughout the generations have been plagued with issues that threaten and endanger their children.  I hear all the time that today's children face more danger than any other generation from the past.  People say, "Those were simpler times."

Although it's true, our children are facing issues that past generations could never have fathomed like internet predators, cyber bullying, and what seems rampant pedophiles and drug addiction, I'm not sure how much more we aware of the dangers by the media parading them around, or if truly "the world has gone to hell in a hand-basket."  But past generations were not immune to the "dangers" their children faced.

On my summer vacation to the Black Hills with my family, we went to an old cemetery in Deadwood, South Dakota.  Although most people were there to see the famous graves of Wild Bill Hickok and Calamity Jane, it was the children's plot that touched my heart.  From 1878 to 1880 Deadwood was struck by epidemics of scarlet fever and diphtheria.  More than 350 infants and children were buried in this children's section alone.  During these times the infant mortality rate was more than double that of adults.  

Although today we face new problems and threats, we have overcome some very substantial ones from the past.  Medical advances, immunizations and medication have eradicated most deadly childhood illnesses and infections.  Yes, we are facing new dangers for our children in today's generation, but I have no doubt that we as a society will overcome these as well.  We only need to look at the past and how far we have come.  We also need to recognize and see how blessed we are that we don't have to live with the heartbreaking fear of childhood diseases taking our children from us like the moms of the 1800's did.

I paused before the graves of those 350 plus children and silently mourned for those mothers that lost their children too soon.  I gave thanks in gratitude to God, that I would never have to feel this heartbreak.  I was filled with hope for our future children, that one day they too will overcome the dangers we face now, and that the past will be a silent reminder that life is very precious.

5 Things Your Child Should Learn Before They Get Their Drivers License

I have learned a few things about what your child needs to know before getting their drivers license.  Each time one of my children would get their license, I thought I had prepared them for the responsibility of driving and maintaining a car.  This month my 5th child will be getting her drivers license, and now I have a chance to finally get the formula right.

When I turned 16 and started nagging my parents to drive me to the DMV to get my license, my dad took me out to the driveway and made me rotate the tires on the 76' Cadillac.  I thought at the time that he was just trying to dis-wade me from my mission, but I have NEVER been one to back down from a challenge!  Now I understand that he never wanted me to be stuck somewhere with a flat tire and unable to take care of myself.  And by the way, I am an expert tire changer!

There is something you should know about me though.  I carry the gene for broken head gasket.  This is not a recessive gene by the way.  I and four of my children have either cracked, broken or warped the head gasket on our cars.

I am not proud of this, but if I don't laugh at myself, I would cry.  These were a few very expensive and inconvenient mistakes.  So here are my top 5 things to teach your kids before they get their license.  

Where the oil goes.  How to check the oil.  Older cars need frequent checks by the way, and that big grease spot under your car is probably your oil!Check the coolant/antifreeze regularly.  Especially important in the HEAT!  Make sure they know where it goes.  My son once put coolant in the oil compartment.  OooopsThe battery.  How to jump start a car.  How to clean the battery connections.  In Phoenix, the batter life is 2 years, it's sooooooo hot!  If your car won't start, a good place to start is checking the battery.Tires.  How to change a tire, and how to check and keep the correct tire pressure in your tires.  the correct tire pressure will add life to your tires and prevent a blowout.How to use a sharpie to cover up the check engine light.  I'M KIDDING!

My perspective might be slanted a little.  I live somewhere that it hardly rains, and NEVER snows.  It doesn't get to freezing temperatures, but it does get to 121 degrees.  You may need to add things to your list to maintain it in the cold or snow.  This mama doesn't know anything bout that!

The Performance Trap

 A lot of us moms can fall into the "performance trap."  Are we doing enough to be a good mom?  Are we making healthy meals and including all the food groups?  Are we packing them a nutritious lunch with a smiley face note from mom?  Are we paying enough attention to their schoolwork and listening enough to make them feel important?  Are we volunteering enough at school, at church?  Are we helping those in need?  Are we keeping the house clean enough that an unexpected visitor doesn't send us into a bout of shame?  Are we juggling all the extra-curricular activities with ease, or are we always flying out the door at the last minute?  Are we giving enough, doing enough, and being enough?

We start to compare ourselves to other moms, and up our performance.  We feel guilty and are afraid if we don't perform perfectly our friends will look down on us, and worse yet, our children will not value us as a mom.  Mom's struggle with these things.  Other people can be cruel and judge us on our shortcomings and weaknesses.  With five kids, even the best mom can drop the ball a few times....... And I have.  The human mind and body are only capable of so many things.

When I start to feel like a failure, I turn my eyes to Jesus.  There is my comfort, my refuge.  God loves us unconditionally.  His love is not contingent on how many hats we are wearing and how perfect our performance is.  His love, and our performance, are not related issues.  He will not love us more if we are doing more, nor will he love us less if we are not doing as much.  he simply loves us.

When i feel as if I have been boo'd off stage, I regroup.  I focus on Jesus and his unfailing love.  I ask him to direct my mind and show me what is important.  Living in this freedom of being enough for God, allows me to give that unconditional love to my children.  It gives me the courage to say no when I need to, and yes to the things I excel at.

We are going to be busy, we are moms after-all.  Just don't let the performance outshine the message.

10 Things I Wish I Had Known In High School

That it is God's opinion of me that matters.  My value does not come from others.  God thinks I am amazing, beautiful and enough.That my brother would not be on this earth for long.  I would have let him know how much I looked up to him and admired him, instead of withholding because of pride.How good it would feel to friend the friendless, include the excluded.That being kind gets you further than being pretty.That God is bigger than any situation that I may face.Making a difference in the world is just as grand if you make one small difference in the corner of your little world.That pleasing people all the time is impossible, but pleasing God is not.You cannot change anyone but yourself, no matter how much you try or how much you love them.That God has a plan for my life.That my parents are human.  Real people with real hurts and desires.

The 3 Seasons of Life

My cousins wife told me that there are 3 seasons of life.  

The first season of your life is about learning how to live.  This is why it is so important as parents that we teach, model and instruct our children at this early age.  They are a sponge taking in all that is around them.  They learn kindness, gentleness, gratitude, mercy and forgiveness.  They can also learn selfishness, anger, resentment and criticism.  They will learn these things whether you purposely teach them or not.  They will learn them from the world, their friendships, observing their family, and how they are treated.  Something they may not learn without instruction, is life skills.  How to cook, how to drive, how to problem solve, just to name a few.  The second season of life is about living what you learned.  This is where you are on your own and all the things you have learned prior come into play.  The things you believed as a child will craft your decisions and tell you how to navigate the world.  You may be ill equipped to face the challenges of the world, or you may have a strong foundation.  But you will drawn from the pool  of what you know.The third and final season of your life is about giving away what you know.  At this stage of life we start to give away our possessions.  Things we have accumulated and used lose their usefulness to us and we want to pass them on to someone who needs them.  We become Grandparents and start to share our stories of life, lessons learned and how thankful we are.  We give away our time.  We spend more time with people we love, or more time volunteering and serving.  We know what it was like to be a young single mom struggling, and we come alongside these moms and offer encouragement.  

These seasons of life struck a chord with me.  It's so obvious and yet something we never really think about.  What season are you in right now?  Can you identify with these?  Will knowing this change your perspective?

 

 

Teach Your Children Self Defense

My 23 year old daughter lives 1300 miles away.  One of her jobs is in a restaurant/bar.  Upon closing the restaurant at 2:30 am, she was attacked by a man waiting in the shadows of the parking lot.  My daughter was able to fight off her attacker and get away relatively unharmed.  She was rattled and scared understandably, but what she did in that split second of time, made all the difference.  I was never so thankful that I put her in karate when she was younger. Karate taught her self defense.  It taught her how to get out of an arm hold, to break free from a neck hold, and how to attack someone who is trying to do  you harm so that you can get away.  It is repetition over and over so that when it happens to you, you don't think....  you simply react.  My beautiful daughter was upset for hurting someone, Bless her heart.

Don't forget to teach your children, especially your girls, how to be safe. Here are some points to keep in mind.

Always walk around your car to make sure no one is hiding in your car.Always lock your car.When walking to your car don't talk on your cell phone or text, it distracts  you and predators look for this.  Be aware of your surroundings at all times.Park under a street lampHold your keys between your knuckles when walking to your car, sharp parts pointing out.Go for the vulnerable parts of the body, the top of the foot, the eyes, and the groin.Lock your car once you are safe inside before doing anything else.

Here are some things I taught my children when they were small.

If lost in a store, go to a store employee.  Someone behind the check-stand.Policemen are our friend.  A lot of people make negative comments about the police when they get pulled over, or see them on the side of the road.  Teach your children that they are the good guys, they protect and serve.Teach your children how to make a collect call from a pay phone.  I know they are few and far between, but they do still exist and it may save their life.Teach them to yell out for help if they are being taken or in danger.  Specific words like "help, " OR "your not my mommy/daddy," are best.Institute a safety word for the family.  Anyone who is trying to pick up your child from school or practice must use this word to verify that they have your permission to do so even if they are someone that your child knows.Get them involved in a martial arts class.  They learn self defense and discipline.  They will learn respect of others and self control.  It will teach them to avoid conflict, but to protect themselves when necessary, and the wisdom to know the difference.Teach them to dial 911 on the phone in an emergency.

By doing these things we are giving our children the tools they need to be safe in the world.  We hope that they will never be in that situation, but as I shared about my daughter, we have no guarantee.  

 

Beggar In The Parking Lot

A few months ago my 22 year old daughter and I went to the hobby store.  As we pulled up a tattered man approached our car.  He asked for money.  We were in a hurry, as this store closed in 15 minutes and I needed my supplies urgently that night.  I simply shook my head no at the man. It only took us five minutes to gather my supplies, but in that five minutes the old man in the parking lot was weighing heavy on my mind. I couldn't shake this uneasy, nagging feeling prodding at my spirit. The thing that kept going through my  mind was the verse, Matthew 25:35

 'For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in,  I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink?38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

 When we left the store I was looking around for that man.  My daughter asked what I was doing.  I told her I needed to find the man we had just seen asking for money.  She let out a little huff....."You can't be serious about giving him money? It's probably a scam".  I proceeded to tell her the story she was too little to remember.  The time my father had given money to a young girl at a truck stop.  I was surprised that my father would so willingly give her money, and my mom said as much out loud.  My dad's response was that it was not our responsibility to distinguish those truly in need, but our responsibility to help those who present a  need. That is what God requires of us.

My daughter searched the parking lot renewed in her quest to find the tattered man.  As we got in the car she said, "drive over there.  Turn around, go back.  He couldn't have gotten that far.  Where is he?"  She was a person on a mission.  

Silently we left the parking lot and headed home.  Both of us thinking the same thing.  Was that Jesus?  Did we seriously just say no to him? 

Celebrating Father's Day (when your father isn't perfect)

I am among the lucky few, who has a dad that is AMAZING!  My dad has been my biggest cheerleader, my number one spectator, and wisest teacher in my life.  I know my heavenly Father adores me, because my earthly father does.  Father to me is  warm rhubarb pie with vanilla ice cream on top, or a warm fuzzy blanket on a cold night.  Comfort, joy, love.  But to too many people I know, "father" conjures up hurt, rejection or abandonment.

So when Father's Day roles around it can be hard to celebrate something that leaves an ache in your heart.  I want to encourage you to think about these things this Father's Day.

  OFFER GRACE.  No one is perfect, even Dads.  "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."  Romans 3:23  God is the only father that can love perfectly.  You can demonstrate Godly love to your own dad by offering grace.  Grace does not excuse his bad choices and all the times he missed the mark.  But Jesus calls us to forgive.  Forgiveness is for you. Forgiveness removes bitterness and makes our hearts right with God.  After-all, we ask God to forgive our sins, what if he said, "no"?    PRAY FOR HIM.  Your father may not even know Jesus, but God can move mountains.  Pray that he would come to know the love God has for him.  Pray that God would heal his brokenness and give him purpose.HONOR YOUR FATHER.  "Honor your father and mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord has given you."  Exodus 20:12  This is the first commandment with a promise.  Just as we are to honor the One who created us, we are to honor the ones God chose to carry out God's plan for our creation.  Your unique being came directly from him, and you have some of his attributes.  Focus on his strengths.  Honoring your dad also means you acknowledge those gifts and the fact that he too is a child of God and loved dearly by the creator.  It may seem hard to honor your father when the things he says or does hurt you, but that is what God requires of you.  He felt so strongly about it, that he made it one of the ten commandments.

No matter how great or how poor your relationship is with your Dad, you have a reason to celebrate this Fathers Day.  Why?  Because you have a heavenly Father who loves you unconditionally.  He thinks you are amazing, beautiful, and worthy.  HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!