Alexa Shepard's Blog, page 3

Fathers Day Pie

My Dad will be 88 years old this year.  I have had my dad in my life guiding me, nurturing me, correcting me and standing beside me for more than 50 years.  As Fathers Day approaches I realize that a lot of my close friends and relatives wont be able to celebrate Fathers Day with their dad.  Not because they don't live in the same state, but because their dad has gone to be with our heavenly Father.  The older we get the more we realize what we perhaps took for granted in our younger years.

Every year for Father's Day I bake my dad a peach pie.  Anyone who knows my dad knows that pie is his VERY favorite meal.  It took me years to perfect my pie baking skills, and I am sorry to say that my dad was the unfortunate taster of my journey to perfection.

For many years my dad was out of town for Fathers Day, getting out of the valley of the "so hot sun melt your eyebrows off" state.  But even when he wasn't here,  without fail I would bake him a peach pie, snap a photo and send it to him.  I would then give the pie to "a Dad" in honor of my father.  This year I will get to give my dad the REAL pie!  

This Fathers Day I will celebrate God giving me one more year with my Dad.  One more year of laughs, smiles and hugs.  One more year of his guidance, wisdom and tenderness.  One more year of seeing the joy on his face when he looks at his grandchildren.  One more year of watching him delight in his great grandchildren.  I soak it all up and cherish every moment, because I know that many people don't have that chance anymore.

It really doesn't matter if your dad is 50 or 100.  None of us know how long we have on this earth to enjoy the people we love.  Life happens in an instant.  Life is interrupted in an instant.  We should love fiercely the people we cherish in our lives, because God could call them home at any given moment.  We always think we have more time.  

So wrap your arms around your Dad.  Tell him you love him.  Laugh with him.  Enjoy every moment with him.  And maybe make him a pie, because this year my pie isnt up for offer.  My pie going to MY Dad.

Follow The Leader

I found a great technique for getting my two independent, strong willed grandchildren to do what I want them to be doing.  It's one of many in my great big Mary Poppins bag of tricks.  On  every adventure to the park, I pull it out and enlist it's charm.  The littlest one likes to walk through the desert to get to the park.  This is the long way.  It usually means that by the time we corral them to the grassy field of the park, the slides and swings a mere dot on the other end of the park, my grand daughter will ask me to carry her because as she says, "that was a lot of ups and downs the hill and my feet are tired."  Big brother on the other hand, wants to walk the shortcut down the street.  He knows this battle for the journey is coming as he maneuvers his position to be the first one out the door.  He also knows that once his sister runs from the door and around the house to the desert, we will all have to follow.  Safety reasons and all.  

So I pull out the "follow the leader" card.  I start to sing "Following the leader",  and big brother who is out the door first assumes the position of leader.  The little one follows in behind and viola we are on the short path.  It works because she loves to do what big brother is doing, and she is two and so very easily distracted........

This trick also works for the walk home.  The one minute walk can easy take 25 minutes as they dilly dally around pointing at every flower, bug, tree and piece of dog poop.  Before I realized the genius of my little trick it was hard to keep their feet moving forward.  Squirrel..?

So the other day I was on some of my own rabbit trails of the mind.  It seemed I was taking the long way, and being distracted at every turn.  I was tired and I definitely wanted someone to carry me.  For some reason that song, "follow the leader" popped into my head.  I realized that I wasn't following what God tells me is true, but instead following negative fears that took a detour into self doubt.  

In the bible the word follow comes from the Hebrew word radaph — which means “to pursue, to set off after someone in order to catch him.”  I always thought of following as a passive move and definitely a submissive one.  

When Jesus said, "come and follow me, and I will make you fishers of men,"  (Mathew 4:19) that was an invitation.  He is inviting us to take the better path, one that leads to more joy, more purpose, and more hope.  He is also asking us to pursue him.  Not slowly but to chase him.  Sometimes it is so easy to follow Jesus.  When he leads me to more fulfillment in my life, better relationships and better circumstances there is a spring in my step and I gladly follow.  However, when God leads me down a difficult path exposing my weaknesses, I dilly dally behind distracting myself with anything I can.  It's uncomfortable to follow a leader that appears to be taking you through the brier patch.  But in  1 Peter 2:21, it says, "To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps."  I get it now.  Sometimes God will walk us through the tough terrain of life for his own good.  Sometimes I tend to be so short sighted that I cant see what God sees.  Even in this I am called to chase God.

Jesus often referred to himself as a shepherd.  A shepherd leads his sheep to keep them from danger.  In John 10:27 it says, "my sheep hear my voice, I know them, and they follow me."  When Jesus says, "he knows them"  he means that he knows them by name, individually and intimately.  We are not anonymous or lost in the flock.  It's  like waiting for the long line of graduates to walk by, and then you see your own beautiful child.  You recognize them, you know their features, you see the reflection of your love in their eyes, your heart beats faster, and you claim them.  Jesus knows you just like that.  He pursues you, searches the crowd for your face and claims you.

I will continue to sing "following the leader" to my grandchildren.  But now it will serve as a constant reminder that I will be following Jesus. No scratch that, I will be pursuing Jesus. It won't always be easy, but I will remember that when I follow him "surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever. " Psalm 23:6.  How awesome is it to know that goodness and mercy will be pursuing and chasing me not merely lagging behind?  Who is up for a game of follow the leader?

 

Compass

Well, I made it. My last child, #5, is graduating from high school.  This is her last week.  My last week of being a mom with a child in primary school.  So many things go through my mind as this chapter in my life comes to a close.  Having five kids you don't really realize the last momentous milestones.  Probably because someone else is coming up behind to keep you in the game.  Knowing my daughter would be the last baby I would carry inside me, I savored every moment of it.  I felt the completion of a journey through every step of her growing up, knowing it was the last first steps, first words, first day of school and first performance.  A long list of firsts that would be the last.  Sitting at her final performance the other night made me realize that I was sitting in this theater for the last time. Nine continuous years spent with this high school theater group.   My dad, sitting beside me, leaned over and said, "Well, what are we going to do with our Saturday nights now?"  I understood in that very moment that a chapter, a big chapter, of my life was ending.  It's the bitter sweet that really catches in my throat.  I am so excited for the next chapter, but at the same time grieving the end of a beautiful adventure.  

As I listen to the graduating seniors talk about changing the world and making a big difference with their lives, I smile.  I remember the exuberant feeling of graduating high school knowing I could be anything, do anything, conquer anything.  And I too, wanted to make a big difference.  What I want to say to these young kids is, you will.  But it may not be in the same way that you think now.  I want to tell them that changing the world starts in your little corner of it.  Every action or inaction, every good choice or bad decision will impact someone.  

Turns out changing the world for me meant being the best mom I could be and impacting those five lives.  Doesn't sound too heroic, but if those five children effect just five other lives each, and those five touch five more lives, and so on and so on, then I have made a difference.

I want to tell them that changing the world sometimes means just planting a seed.  A smile, a kind word to a stranger, or an act of kindness.  Sometimes what seems so insignificant to you, may be everything to someone else, and most of the time you will never know it made any difference at all.  Be okay with that.  Sometimes changing the world will mean sacrifice.  Sometimes it will mean passing the baton without getting any of the credit.

I want to tell them its not about being famous or rich or who has the most toys.  Success is when you are being true to how God created you, when you are using your God given talents.  If you love to sing, sing!  It doesn't matter if it's on a Broadway stage or your singing to your three year old daughter.  You are a blessing.  You are changing the world, one soul at a time.  If you are a math wiz and you end up teaching middle school algebra instead of programming a space shuttle, you are still a success.  You are changing many many lives.  Do what you love.  Be true to yourself.  Be true to who God has called you to be, and you will be a success.  As my daughter says, "don't let anybody steal your sparkle."  

Probably the most important thing I want to say to these fresh faced, change the world, young adventurers, is this....  I know a secret.  It is something that will always keep you striving to be the best you that you can be.  It's something that you can wrap your heart around and find comfort in when storms and doubt enter your life.  It's something that removes fear and replaces it with hope and joy.  It's a promise.  It is something God said.  " I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11  

Wherever your path takes you on your new journey, whatever circumstances you find yourself in,  keep your compass pointing toward God, and you will be a success.  You will be a success because you will be exactly who God has created and called you to be. You can't help but change the world.

Mom

Driving in the car the other day my four year old grandson asked me, "Does everyone have a dad"?  I wasn't really sure what the real question was and I tried to answer it as simply as I could.  It got me thinking though.  I'm not sure what prompted him to ask me that, but I thought it was interesting that he didn't ask me if everybody has a mom.  Maybe I thought about that because today is Mothers Day.  I cant imagine my life without my Mom.  

Sometimes I know how lucky I am to have my mom.  Times when she was my soft place to land.  The fact that even if I fell short, my mom still loved me.  The endless meals she prepared, the countless recitals and sports games she sat through, and the patience she had to teach me how to be a young lady.  The tough love she had to set boundaries, and the courage she had when I would say, "you are so mean!"  As I watched my mom love and nurture my own children and now her great grandchildren, I feel so blessed.

I know that not everyone is so lucky.  Some people didn't have a mom that was all those things.  I wish they did.  But I happen to know that most of them have gone on to be that kind of mom to their children, and later their grandchildren.  Their mom was still exactly who God picked to be there mom.  Not so they would have lack, but so they would become who God wanted them to be.

I guess my point is that even my grandson can't imagine a world without a mom.  We may not get the crown, or a great applause, but that's not why we do it.  We do it because it is what we are called to do.  It was exactly how God created us and we have this great opportunity to nurture and grow another human being.  Some of us hear the call.  Some of us want to be a mom that the world cant imagine without us.  My heart is with you.  To all the moms out there I want to say, Thank you.  You make a difference even if you think you got everything wrong.  You didn't.  

Happy Mothers Day!

 

Held

I have known a few warriors in my lifetime.  People of great strength, courage, endurance and perseverance.  They have been prayer warriors, parent warriors, care-taking warriors, just to name a few.  

The other day at the park I realized that my 2 year old granddaughter, Violet, is a warrior as well.  Decked out in her frilly, lacy princess dress, we made our trek through the desert to the park.  She scaled every hill, and ran down every slope, dodging the rocks, boulders and snake holes.  By the time we made it to the grassy field of the park, she ran up to my side and pulled on my shirt.  "carry me" she said, in a soft voice.  She was just getting over being sick and she had lost her steam.  I picked her up and she laid her head on my shoulder and wrapped her tiny arms and legs around me.  She wanted the comfort of being held.

Her vision of the swings revitalized her energy and she scampered off chanting, "push me Grandma, push me".  These were the little kids swings.  Nice little safe seats to sit in.  But big brother called from across the way, saying to join her on the BIG kids swings.  She wanted to be just like him.  She is very brave and so she ran off to join big brother.  I pushed her going higher and higher at her pleas.  I glanced away for just a split second and her butt slid off the seat and she was lying sprawled out on the ground.  She cried.... hard, heart breaking tears.  "Hold me Grandma".  And so I did.  I picked her up and comforted her.  "Let's try the slide instead", I suggested, and placed her on the ground.  She wiped her tears, took one look at the swing and said, "No, I'm doing the swings again."  She was a warrior.  She had been beat.  Her fear had come true, but she was climbing back on to face that fear again.

I have a dear childhood friend, who spends her days beside her son who had a brain tumor removed.  She fights for him every day, encouraging him to relearn all the things he once knew.  She prays over him and with him.  She is strong.  When faced with the heartbreak and fear, she rallies.  Her life was interrupted with tragedy.  When she should be going to her son's baseball games, she is teaching him the word "ball".  She is a warrior.

Another sweet friend has not held her son in her arms for 20 years.  She lives five thousand miles away.  He is serving a life sentence in prison, a victim of wrongful conviction.  She longs to have the simple things with him.  A walk down a beach, a drive along the countryside, a simple dinner at the kitchen table.  She is getting older, and the court system moves at a snails pace.  On her knees she prays for his freedom, she prays she will see him, she prays God's grace and protection.  She is a warrior.  

A real warrior never really feels like a warrior.  There are times when they feel weak.  Moments when they feel the fear rise up in them.  Days where they simply want to be held.  In these moments of brokenness they wonder why they are weak.  They wonder why their faith is not stronger.  But this is exactly how God created us.  That we would get to the bottom of our own strength and long to be in arms of our Father.  God makes us needy that we might find him generous.  He allows us to feel too weak to handle the situations we are faced with, so that we might find joy in his attributes, and those provisions are most clearly seen through the lens of necessity.

When life knocks us down, we find comfort in the hand that reaches down to help us up.  There is comfort in the hug that comes after a hard day.  Comfort in an embrace when we are filled with grief.  Comfort in having someone to hold our hand when the doctor gives us the bad news.  My granddaughter, a child of two years old, knows this. She is not shy about asking to be held.  She needs this, and she embraces her neediness.   She knows Grandma's arms are open for her.  Arms to comfort her, soothe her and strengthen her.  And when she is older, and Grandma cant fix it,  I hope she too runs to the arms of her heavenly Father.  Our God holds all things together, the stars in the sky, the clouds and all the things of the earth.  If He can hold these things, He can hold you.  Colossians 1:17 "He is before all things, and in him all things hold together." 

 

Hope

My son Quinn started off on an adventure.  He was going to Costa Rica for a semester of school.  He was excited, and yet (although he never voiced it) I am sure he was a little nervous.  He was leaving the country to be immersed in a new language, staying with unfamiliar people, in an unfamiliar land.  But he was a champion, keeping a tight reign on any anxiety and overcoming any obstacles that came his way, like finding the money to go, releasing his apartment, and packing all his belongings to bring back home.

We drove him to Las Vegas to catch his flight, as it was much cheaper to fly from there.  We dropped him at the airport at o' dark hundred, said our goodbyes and headed our car homeward bound for Phoenix.  Mama bird was excited for him.  He had left the nest, but he was securely on his way, tucked into the airport.  And that's when the call came.  They wouldn't let him board his flight.  They said his stay was over the legal 90 day in country stay without a visa.  He had no visa.  We were already over the Hoover Damn by the time the problems started.  Quinn showed him the bus tickets he had purchased to prove onward travel plans to leave the country for the mandated 72 hours.  They still would not let him board.  After many phone calls, the only way Quinn was getting on a plane to Costa Rica was to purchase a new ticket for the next flight.  The next flight was in 12 hours.  The next flight would have to have a return date within the 90 day time period, three weeks before his semester ended.  The next flight would cost $1000, and the next flight would arrive 15 minutes before his first class started.  Mama bird wanted to peck someones eyes out!  

I told him to buy the ticket, get on the plane and we would work all the rest out in time.  Have hope, have faith I told him, but it would be another 100 miles before I stopped brooding and fuming.  Here is what changed me.  Psalm 43:5  Why are you downcast, O my soul?  I knew in my heart that there were good reasons to be downcast.  But only two.  And mine was neither of these two.  I have God.  Therefore, I have hope.  If I was not a believer in God, I would have reason to be downcast.  If I continued to live in sin and not repent to God, I would be downcast.  But everything else that causes me to feel hopeless, I can take to God.  God is on the thrown.  God is in control, and nothing happens without God allowing it.

And so I took my petition to God.  I trusted him.  I hoped in him.  In the past whatever my need, however difficult my circumstances may seem, I laid my hope upon God.  And this was no different.  

Quinn bought his ticket.  He made it to Costa Rica.  He started his class.  We wrote an email to the airlines explaining the situation and asking them to reimburse us the money and allow him to change his return flight for free, that would allow him to complete his semester.  A week later I got a response that included an apology, reimbursement, and free flight change. I emailed them back telling them how much it meant to me that they cared about my circumstance.  I received yet another email from them saying that no one ever takes the time to tell them thank  you.  Yes, the company had integrity, but ultimately God gets the glory.  Even if the outcome had not been perfect, even if the outcome had not come so fast, I would still lay my hope in God.  

When God allows circumstances in my life that throw me for a curve, perhaps he is teaching me to put my hope in him.  When my situation seems impossible, I can put my hope in him.  God is simply asking me to exercise my faith in the power of Him.  I have found this to be true many hundreds of times, and yet I continually have to remind myself, "Put your hope in God" Pslams 43:5

No matter the outcome I have the promise of God "that all things work together for good, to those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose". Romans 8:28  When we are on the right path, following God's purpose for our lives, things will all come together.  Quinn is doing what he was called to do.  He will face obstacles, but God will open doors and create smooth passage.  My hope is in God.

 

Evidence

It is hard to hide the fact that the grand-kids have been to my house for a visit.  The days that follow their visit, I see their presence everywhere.  When my daughter comes home and sits on the couch, she pulls out a princess teapot and says, "So the babies were here today I see."  Their little fingerprints are on the sliding door and windows.  I find their plastic pretend food stashed in the darnedest places, and a week later I am still picking up tiny rocks that were their treasures.  These things are all evidence that two small bodies were at our house.  Evidence that I am a grandma.  Evidence that my house just may be, for these two little ones, "the happiest place on earth".  

I feel this way too when I stand in the most beautiful place on earth.  There are no tickets to buy, lines to stand in, or a gift shop to wander through.  But it takes my breath away when I stand in the Redwood Forest.  I see evidence of the majesty of God.

There are a thousand different shades of green.  My artist pallet could never capture the intensity and hue of the color.  Everywhere I turn I see a different species of plant and creature.  The sun filters through the thick canopy of trees in golden rays here and there.  It is awe inspiring.  I want to reach my hand out and capture the ray as if it's magical beam could heal my very soul.  Everywhere I look, I see the fingerprints of God.  Evidence that God is the Master artist.  

Redwood trees grow to be over 300 feet tall, and they are 8 feet to 20 feet in diameter!.  Their root system is only 6"-12" deep, but they are able to withstand heavy winds and powerful foods because they extend their roots to more than 50 feet from their trunk and they live in groves where they can intertwine their roots.  The seed of a redwood tree is only about the size of a tomato seed.  As I hold the  tiniest cone in my hand, I marvel that a tree so massive comes from a one inch cone. This is Evidence that God is the Master creator.  

The Eco system in the Redwood Forest surpassing anything I could imagine.  A spider web catches my eye glistening with dew still clinging to it.  A spiderweb that if I found in my house would cause a case of the guilts and a spring cleaning spree.  But here it is beautiful.  It is pristine.  It is perfect in symmetry and I find myself wondering how the spider can create such perfect lines and spaces.  The earth is boggy and ferns of every shape and size blanket the entire floor of the forest.  Evidence that God created all things to work together for His Glory. 

There is such peace in the air.  If I close my eyes, I can hear the most beautiful sound.  Nothing. No cars, no buzzing of machines, not a single voice.  But it's the stillness that takes my breath away.  I have never known such utter peace.  It washes through my body and fills all my senses.  It opens my heart and embraces my soul.  I have been kissed by God.  Be still and know, that  I am God. Psalm 46:10  I finally understand what God meant by that.  I felt it, in that moment, as I stood paralyzed in wonder.  Evidence that God has a great love for me, and desires the best for me.

It is hard for me to imagine that the existence of God often eludes people.  The Webster dictionary defines "evidence" as: the available body of facts or information indicating whether a belief or proposition is true or valid.  Evidence can be a funny thing.  I have never "seen" the wind, but I see evidence of it blowing through the treetops.  I have never "seen" love, but I see evidence of it in a mother's embrace.  I have never "seen" God, but I see evidence of him everywhere.

I am not a philosopher.  Heck, I can't even do math......or spell.  But I have seen the hand of God.  I have felt the warmth of His breath upon the back of my  neck......  I have stood in the Redwood Forest.  

Shadows

On a recent walk with my 2 year old granddaughter, we found ourselves at the park.  The sun was shining brighly and we took the long winding sidewalk that circled the park.  We were not walking for long when two steps ahead of me, she kept turning around and looking at the ground.  Her pace got faster and faster.  I was struggling to keep up with her.  She was frantic, almost tripping as she turned around looking over her shoulder and righted herself.

Finally she called out to me, "Grandma!  That dark spot is following me!"  It took me a second to realize that the "dark spot" she was referring to, was her shadow.  I was laughing inside, but I was careful not to let her see it.  She was serious.  She was scared.  She was very afraid.

She ran to my side as I opened my arms to her.  I explained to her that it was only her shadow that she was seeing.  She stood with her hand in mine and I told her to wave.  The shadow waved back.  Then we jumped up and down.  The shadow did the same.  After a few more arm waving and leg kicking, she giggled.

I thought it was funny.  Cute.  I thought about that moment every time I saw my shadow the next week.  But then today it struck me differently.  What had scared her was not some creature from her nightmares, but actually just her simple shadow cast across the sidewalk.  How many times have I done that in my own life?  How many times have I seen something that scared me and shook me to my core, when in truth, the problem that I perceived had not been a threat at all, but a case of mistaken perception.  

Sometimes the gloominess of our current or past situations cast a dark shadow on how we see ourselves. We start to wonder if that negative comment someone said about us is true.   We worry that our past mistakes will bleed into our future.  We lay awake at night and fret over being misunderstood and wonder if anyone will ever really know us.  And so doubt seeps in and starts to leave a stain on our soul.   We get so focused on our hurt and what we see, that we don't see what God sees.  We forget what God's word really says about us.  That we are loved, forgiven, known and provided for.  

When I am walking with Jesus, I can run to him and he will open up his arms to me.  He will say, "My dear child, those things that you are fearful of are only stains that you have misread as threats.   I have removed them with my blood."

God was trying to tell me that sometimes in my brokenness I forget my true identity.  When I take my eyes off of God's promises, fear gets it's ugly grip on me.  And that's when I need someone to remind me of the verse, "So do not fear, for I am with you.  Do not be dismayed for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."  Isaiah 41:10  

Our fears can seem silly to others,  just like my grand daughters fear of her shadow was to me.  But they can haunt us, chase us, and steal peace from us.  My two year old grandchild made me see something beautiful in the shadows.  We all have the gift of dispelling someones fears.  We can scoop them up in our arms and comfort them.  We can shine a light on the shadows and take their power away.  And in the end we can point them right to Jesus.  The bible uses the words"fear not" 80 plus times.  Other word pairings that would be equal to fear not (do not be afraid, do not fear, be not afraid) is used 30 plus times.  I don't think I need to hear God say something 100 plus times to get the message. And my two year old grand daughter?  She doesn't even notice her shadow anymore.

Holes

My grandson loves to dig in the backyard.  In fact he can sniff out a shovel in no time flat.  He then begins his quest.  Every time after he has been to my house, I have to go around and fill all the holes.  Holes in the potted plants, holes in the garden, holes in the yard and in the gravel.  

And now he has the dog on the scene.  I guess he sees how much fun it is and has to try it himself.  There is one hole in the backyard that I keep refilling and the next time I look, it's there!  Half way to China!!  I want to know what happens to all that dirt.  You would think it would be right there next to the big gaping hole, but no.  I have gotten to the point that I  have to shovel dirt from other areas of the yard to fill it.

We humans have holes too.  They are created from hurtful things people have done and said to us in our past.  Over time and repetition this damage starts to seep in and we start to believe it.  We adopt a new belief that erodes our confidence, significance and value.  Some of us don't even know its there, but it becomes a stumbling block in our lives. If we know it is there we will do everything we can to avoid it.  The hole knocks us down, keeps us down and we just don't understand why we cant get rid of it.  

We try tirelessly to fill it.  We try to self medicate with alcohol, drugs or sex.  We look for other people to fill our holes for us.  But in the end we still have this big gaping hole that just cant be filled. We focus on what others think and say about us instead of turning to the truth that comes from God. We care so deeply about being accepted by those around us instead of resting in the acceptance and overwhelming love that God has for us.  The reason why we can not fill that hole is because  we have created a belief that has no foundation.  The foundation is WHAT and WHO God says we are.  Until we can let go of that false belief nothing else we do can fill it.  

Our false belief can look something like this...
"I am unlovable", but God says, "I love you."  (John 3:16)
"I can't do anything right", but God says, "You can do all things". (Philippians 4:13)
"I can't forgive myself", but God says, "I forgive you". (Romans 8:1)
"I am not pretty enough", but God says, "I created you in my image". (Genesis 1:27

When I'm trying to fill someone else's hole, it becomes exhausting.  I just want to hide the darn shovel.  No matter how much love you pour on someone, how desperately you try or tiptoe around their hole, you can never get it filled. So many relationships fail because they expect the other person to fill their hole.  It's an effort in futility because only that person, with God's help, can fill it.

When I am quick to accept  someone else's opinion of me as truth, I am stopping in my tracks and  instead  turning my heart to God and trusting and caring more about what GOD says of me.  

I am teaching my grandson to fill his own holes. The ones in the backyard now,  but maybe one day in his future, he too will see that holes are a part of life.  And he will remember that Grandma said, "Sweetie, you gotta fill those holes." And I am learning from God that I have some of my own holes to fill.  

The Things We Remember

Many times in life, we set out on a journey to make a lasting memory.  Never is it more true than at Christmas time.  We start traditions, we search for the perfect gift, we take many photos.  But I have found through the years, that the most memorable things come from unexpected, simple, childlike moments.  Ironically, usually they go unnoticed in the memory banks of those around me as having touched me so deeply.

Throughout my childhood every summer there were road trips back to Minnesota.  My family would pack up the camper and head across the Midwest, visiting relatives along the way.  One stop we always made was my aunt and uncles house in Omaha, Nebraska.  One summer on our stay there, my cousin let me play with his stuffed monkey.  I was smitten.  I fell in love with him and was inseparable from him.  When it came time to leave, I said my long tearful goodbye.  As we loaded into the camper to continue our journey, my cousin came out of the house carrying that monkey.  With outstretched arms he said, "You can have him."  The joy I felt was immeasurable.  I loved that little monkey, and I named him Chimp.  I know, I know my less than creative names for my animals started young.  (I have a dog named Puppy and a turtle named Turtleman).

That was 40 plus years ago.  And through the years I'm not really sure what ever happened to Chimp.  But from time to time I still think about him and how much he meant to me.  Chimp was an important part of my childhood memories and at times I am moved to share stories about my adventures with him. 

Last month a brown cardboard box arrived.  Expectantly I opened it, and tucked inside was "Chimp".  Tears stung my eyes as I pulled him from the box and held him close.  I was given a gift from my past.  The first time I was given Chimp there must have been something in my eyes that my cousin recognized as love.  The second time Chimp entered my life there must have been something in my heart, in my telling of his stories, that someone very dear to me saw, and searched through eBay to find him.

I couldn't wait for the grand-kids to meet him.  But I was a little worried.  Upon closer inspection of Chimp I realized he was a little bit....... creepy.  As a child I thought he was adorable!  I need not have feared though because upon first sight my granddaughter picked him up and dragged him to the other room.  She promptly took him to the couch, laid him on her lap and gave him the biggest kiss!

I say all this because when I told my parents about my new reunion with Chimp, they only vaguely remembered him.  Same with my sister.  How could this be?  He was my first love!  I'm sure my cousin did not set out to give him to me to make a lifelong, lasting, special memory.  He may not even remember doing it.  But that's the thing.  We never know when something we do or something we say will make a lasting impression in someone else's life.  Sometimes it's the strangest, simplest little things, the everyday things, that touch our heart in unexpected ways.

This Christmas I will honor the traditions that my family has so graciously set out before me.  I will search for the perfect gift, and I will capture the timeless photos.  But I will also remember that it will probably be the thing I don't see, the thing I didn't plan, the thing that has no pomp and circumstance, the simple things, the thing I wont remember, that will take a front row seat in my child's memory bank.