Alexa Shepard's Blog, page 6

Why Adult Children May Stray From God part 2

Here are some of the reasons I think young adult children can stray from God.

The legalism they see in church and church goers.Proclaimed Christians acting judgmental and critical.Christians who mess up, make bad choices, and condemn others who do the same.The world we live in has so much suffering, and "bad things" happen to good people.Caught up in the wrong crowd.Make so many bad choices that they become lost and hopeless.

All of us, Christians or not, are sinful by nature.  We mess up, screw up and fail miserably.  People are people.  Christians don't have magical powers or divine protection from doing the wrong thing.  We still have choices, and we can still pick the wrong ones.  What we do have is the holy spirit to alert us to when we have sinned.  We also have the grace of God to forgive us when we repent of our sin.  God then calls us to action to make amends for our sins effect on others.  When we don't do this, we are not a reflection of Jesus, and we cause others to stumble in their relationship with God.

When people talk negatively about Christians and church, I always ask them,  "Are you looking at the people, or are you looking at God?"  Churches are run by people, not by God. These are human, flawed people.  Some of them are so caught up in the "rules" that they forget the message.  Jesus did not hang our with the Pharisees, he sought out the prostitutes, the broken down, the hopeless.  He did this because he wanted to give them a relationship with God.  The gift is in the relationship.

It takes money to run a church.  There are light bills to be paid, outreach, counseling, addiction, parenting classes, youth programs, Sunday school supplies, hospital visitations and bereavement help, and people who work at the church.  When churches send the collection plate around or talks about giving, people get turned off.  The church is simply trying to provide people with all the amenities they can offer, and it takes money to do that.

There is a world of suffering out there.  Children are starving, sick and dying.  Men are murdering and beating people.  Wonderful people are suffering with Alzheimers and dying from horrible cancers and diseases.  This is fact.  There are many books written on how God can allow suffering in our lives, but the short answer is God's ways are beyond our own comprehension.  For whatever reason, God chose to make man how he is, with free will.  God suffered when he sent his son to die a terrible death just to save our own neck.

There is possibly nothing more frustrating than people who claim to follow Jesus, and act nothing like it.  It is frustrating because it is a misrepresentation of Jesus.  Jesus was all about the truth, but he was equally all about grace.  He opened his arms and embraced the lost ones.  When Christians gossip, are critical and hypocritical, when they are mean spirited and unforgiving, when they have no grace or mercy, when they condemn others for their mistake and shortcomings, they are not reflecting Jesus.  Jesus was all about the "misfit toys" on the island of misfit toys in Santa Claus.  The best answer I can give to this problem, is to remember that ALL of us are sinners, Christian or not.  

We have all heard the phrase, "you are who you hang out with."  When we hang around lost people too long, we become lost too.  When we are steeped in ungodly actions we become immune to the "shock" factor in them.  Pretty soon what used to be a red flag becomes second nature to us.  We become immune to morality and right thinking.

When we are making bad choices and are aware of them, we tend to hide.  We flee from anything that will uncover our disguise and reveal the truth.  That means God.  If we stay in this state too long, we will become lost.

If your child is lost, or has turned from God, there is hope.  There is always hope.  God is there, right beside your child.  He loves them too much to leave them there.  Scripture tells us in Proverbs 22:6  "Train up your child in the way in which he should go, and when they are older they will not depart from it."  They may stray.  They may question, but deep in their heart is the seed of God.  And remember it only needs to be the size of a mustard seed.  Pray for them.  Give them to God.  He will find them.

 

 

When Your Child Turns Away From God part 1

A young youth pastor asked me, "what do you do when you have raised your children with the knowledge of God, and one of your children does not embrace it?"

Here are my thoughts on what we can do when our child turns from God.  My thoughts come from the parable of the prodigal son.  Luke 15: 11-32

11 Jesus continued: “There was a man who had two sons. 12 The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate.’ So he divided his property between them.

13 “Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living.14 After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. 15 So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. 16 He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.

17 “When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! 18 I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinnedagainst heaven and against you. 19 I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.’ 20 So he got up and went to his father.

“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

21 “The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’

22 “But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. 23 Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. 24 For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.

25 “Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. 26 So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. 27 ‘Your brother has come,’ he replied, ‘and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.’

28 “The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. 29 But he answered his father, ‘Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. 30 But when this son of yours who has squandered your propertywith prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!’

31 “‘My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. 32 But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’”

New International Version (NIV)

When I read this, my first thoughts turn to the father.  I can imagine him searching the hillside several times a day hoping to glimpse his son walking toward home.  The hopeful anticipation and then the heartbreaking defeat that this man must feel, touches the very heart of me.  I also notice that that this father does not give up on his child.  He keeps faith and anticipates his return, even though he has no proof, guarantee, or external signs to indicate that.  

Although this story doesn't say as much, the father lets his son go his own way.  He doesn't threaten him to stay, or hunt him down and drag him back home.  This is not unlike our heavenly Father who allows the sinner to go his own way.  He greatly loves us and patiently waits for us, so he can show his great mercy.

It is the forgiving father, whose character remains constant throughout the story, that overshadows the sinfulness of the son.  In the end it is the memory of the fathers goodness that brings the prodigal son to repentance.  

So what does this all mean to us?  How can we apply this to our own situation?  

As a parent there is nothing our child could do that would make us stop loving them.  This is a God given attribute.  Nothing can separate us from the love of our Heavenly Father.  As a mom, and a christian, my faith remains strong.  I am not only hopeful but wait expectantly for God's hand to move in my life and the life of my children.  We strengthen our faith by praying for God's will, protection and intervention.Do not give up on your child.  We can see many examples in the bible that reflect Jesus's loving attitude toward the lost. Sometimes we need to get out of the way and let God do his work.  Enabling and strong arming our children into submission is not God's way.  We need to set a Godly example.  Forgiveness, gentleness, kindness, and love.  Even when it is not deserved or earned.  We are a lamp into the world.  We need to shine our light so bright that our children can find their way home in the dark.  We are the ambassador for Christ, and we need to make sure our child sees his reflection in our face.  

In my next blog I will discuss some of the reasons why I feel young adult children stray from their relationship with God....

10 Things You Should Say To Your Child

I'm sorry. 

Let your child know that they are more important than your pride.  That you see their innate value to God.

I was wrong

Society tells us it is a weakness to admit when we are wrong, but it takes way more strength to admit when we have made a mistake.  Modeling this character trait will enable your child to be humble and not prideful.

You are beautiful

Let your child know that they are God's beautiful creation.  There is no one created uniquely like them on purpose, inside and out.

I love you

And the greatest of these is love.   Every day tell them how you feel. 

Jesus loves you

Your child is never alone.  No matter how they feel, God will accept them where they are, unconditionally.

You are so important to me

We all need to feel needed.  Tell  your children that they matter, that  your life is so amazing with them in it.

You are more than.....

Children face a lot of pressures of not being enough.  Not pretty enough, not smart enough, not cool enough.  Tell them they are enough!   God created them MORE than enough, because they are everything he hoped they'd be.

I believe in you

Kids need to know that they have what it takes.  And they do, so say it every chance you get.

God has an amazing plan for your life

Kids need to know that they have purpose.  Especially teenagers.  They were created on purpose for a reason.  They need to be reminded of that.

You've got this.

We are stronger than we know we are, and our capacity is bigger than we ever dreamed.  Instill in your children that they can handle all things through Christ who strengthens them.

High -Low

When your a mom living in a house with 5 little souls, life can get hectic.  It's hard enough to keep up with the laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping, get em to practice, rehersals, check the homework, and the "I need to keep them alive, I better feed them, responsability.  There's not much time left to connect with them on a heart level.  Life was a flurry of activity and I was a mama running on all 6 cylinders. 

I remember rocking my babies to sleep at night and how I made all the time in the world for that.  I would hold them long after they fell asleep and breathe in their sweet scent from the top of their little head, and watch their heartbeating through their delicate little skin.  I felt connected.  I felt serinity.  I felt immense love.

As my children got older bedtimes became the last thing to checkoff on my multi page to do list.  there were baths, storytimes, tucking in and prayers to be said.  I sprinted thru it like a seasoned professional.  But I was longing for that deep connection and I felt like I was missing out..... on something.

So one night I decided to institute a new ritual.  the High-Low ritual.  After tucking them into bed, I would crawl up next to them and ask them what was the worst thing that happened to them today?  (their low)  They only got one answer.  After all, I HAD 5 kids to get to sleep!  This gave me a great glimpse into their heart and their world.  Somehow talking about their low, took it's power away.  Then I would ask them what was the best thing that happened today.  (their high)  As the kids got used to our new ritual, it became easier for them to recall specific  moments in their day that caused them great sadness or great joy.

No matter how busy my day had been and what I had missed, the high- low ritual became a way for me to understand and feel connected to my child's innermost workings of their heart.  It also gave me a chance to help them overcome their obstacles or fears, or simply reassure them that, not only does your mama care about you and your day, but God cares deeply for your hurts and your joys.

A few years back, I kept a journal for a year recording my highs and lows for the day.  It became a great tool for me to use in my prayer life.  It became natural to praise God for my highs, and ask for guidance and wisdom for my lows.  Somehow in my busy life, this little act game me clarity and simplicity.  It put things in order.  It put things in perspective.  

I just started this little practice again.  When things get jumbled up in my mind I tend to focus on all the lows. When I first started again, I found myself at night with pen in hand, trying to recall a high.  Writing the highs and lows down in my prayer journal has forced me to acknowledge all the good blessings that God is offering me each new day.  I find myself throughout the day thinking, "Oh this is gonna be my high today"  only to say it about something else later, because now, this is what I am focusing on.  

Perhaps my children will one day remember the little game we played, and it will bring them clarity in an otherwise hectic life.  Recounting the events of our day can connect us to our innermost self, our heart.  It also keeps thankfulness and gratitude flowing through us as we see God's hand in our everyday life.  

Shields Up! A Power Ranger Lesson

With all the hype and publicity of the new Power Rangers movie, its really got me reminiscing about all those years back when my kids were "power ranger die-hards."  My one son was probably their biggest fan, hands down!  I kid you not, for 5 years of his life, every picture that I have of him, his arms are up in the power ranger faux karate stance.  Precious!!!!  My day was not complete until he would run into the room, strike his pose, and yell, "shields up!"  This was always followed by him announcing the animal he was morphing into.

As I am remembering this, the thing that catches my attention is "shields up."  Throughout my life when things get too difficult to endure, I put my "shields up."  It's an emotional response to trauma, to  protect a broken heart, or prevent a heart from breaking.  I believe God gave us this coping mechanism for just that reason.  He values our heart above all else.  So much so that he said in Proverbs 4:23 "Above all else guard your heart, for it determines the course of your life" God understands the heart to be the center of the whole person, not just the source of emotions and will, but also of wisdom and perspective.  Basically the heart is who you are as a person.  When we pick unwisely who to give the keys to our heart, we jeopardize the safety of our very selves.  

But God never meant for "shields up" to be a long term solution.  And yet a lot of us are walking around, for years, with those shields in place.  We have been hurt, betrayed, abandoned or abused and the thought of letting that kind of pain in again is almost unbearable.

Picture a warrior in battle, sword drawn and shield up.  The shield protects his very existence, because a blow to his vital organs would mean certain death.  Some of us feel that way.  If we let someone into our heart and they misuse or rejects us, surely we would die.

But God has another solution for us.  he tells us in John 4:18 "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear."

And there it is, vulnerability.  That's what we are really talking about.  When you love and expose your heart, you are vulnerable to loss, abandonment and rejection.  But God says, "in "real" love there is no fear."  And then he really drives the point home by adding, "but perfect love casts out fear."  John 4:18  Wow!  When my eyes fell upon that verse and I really understood what it was saying, I'm certain I heard a hallelujah chorus singing.

There is a time to put my shields up.  When I go into battle.  But there is a danger in keeping my shields up permanently.  I may be protecting my heart from damage, but I am also keeping out love.  If I do not allow love to penetrate my heart, I can never have healing in the broken places, and I can never give love fully. 

The shield I carry around with me, as heavy as it is, had become my companion.  I wasn't sure I could set it down even if it was the best thing for me.  But then I heard God prompting me, and that still small voice spoke tender, loving words.  "I knew that people and the circumstances of life would break your fragile heart.  That you would feel deep hurt from a fallen world, and if left untreated by my healing love, you would carry those wounds throughout your life."  "But you have to lay down your shield and trust me.  The one who loves you perfectly."  

And then I understood.  God had instructed me to guard my heart, but he had never intended for me to guard my heart from Him.  God was simply urging me to chose wisely who to trust something so incredibly valuable to Him.

Planting Seeds

It's that time again.  SPRING!  A time when things bloom, grow, and we have exactly 32 days till the scorching summer heat is upon us in the southwest.  Everywhere you look there are seed packets, vegetable starters and flowering plants.  We all get that itch to dig in the ground, clean up the backyard and drink lemonade.  My son always loved to garden and grow things from the earth.  I loved the planting and harvesting, but not so much the watering.  But since my son will be home from college in 3 weeks, I decided my grandson and I would plant a garden, and Quinn could take over the rest........

Enter my grandson.  Spunky, imaginative, and inquisitive 3 year old that he is.  He loves a shovel, garden gloves and those pretty little seed packets that magically turn into food to eat. So the other day I declared "planting day".  We got our shovels out and prepare the ground, raking away old leaves and debris.  We are just finishing up the prep, when his little sister steps in dog poop.  Ooops.  So I carry her off to the house to wash her feet.  I no sooner got her feet washed in the sink, when  my grandson enters the threshold of the backdoor announcing, "I did it Grandma!  I planted the seeds!"  I look over to see that he is holding a seed packet that contained beans.  Well, that's not so bad at least he only planted one packet.  "Okay honey, I'm coming right out to help you with the rest."  However, as soon as I get out the door I notice it. All the seed packets torn open and laying empty on the ground.  So I ask him where he put the seeds?  In nice little rows I am dreaming.  "I just threw them all in the garden, isn't that great?" And it was.  Every plant that grows will be a mystery, a wonderful surprise, handcrafted by my grandson.  I have to smile at the beautiful thought.

We water the garden with the hose and are cleaning up our mess when my grandson brings me a corn seed.  He holds out this kernel as if it is a precious treasure.  "Grandma, we just put these seeds in the dirty ground and watered it with dirty water, won't we get corn that is all dirty and yucky?"  And I realize where his rationalization is coming from, so I explain that the seed will produce a tall stalk and the corn will grow from that near the top, it wont be in the dirt.  This is the best I can do under the circumstances.  He looks at me and says, "interesting, very interesting."  Again I laugh.  

But his thought process is not all wrong.  How many times have I told my children that "you are who you hang out with."  "pick your friends wisely" and "garbage in, garbage out" If we surround our hearts and lives with things that are rotten, eventually we too will become contaminated in our thinking and actions.  I'm sure that my grandson in his three short years has already understood that to keep a body healthy we have to eat things that are good for us. As much as it pains me, a diet based on ding dongs and candy bars does not make my body strong and beautiful.  

When Jesus said in Philippians 4:8 "whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is worthy of praise think about such things,"    I believe he meant to not hang out in the dirt.  While God guards our hearts, we are commanded to keep our focus on things that please God.  That may mean making a decision to not hang out with people who use coarse language, if we find ourselves starting to do the same.  It means not subjecting our heart and thoughts to movies that objectify woman or encourage revenge, judgement and glorify deception.  It means choosing wisely where to invest our time and ultimately our passion.

I never want to put myself in a position to be desensitized to things that displease God.  I want to be on alert, and part of that is to stay away from the poison that can infect my heart.  Our hearts are like a garden in that respect.  What we sow will bear fruit when properly tended to.  But if we do not plant good seeds, or if we neglect good seeds, surely weeds will sprout and take over.  

It really doesn't matter if the "good seeds" of your life are all in neat little rows. Some of us have lives that are messy and cluttered and we are simply doing the best that we can.   What does matter is that you are placing them there and have things growing that will bear fruit.  

Playing Old Records

When I was a kid, my parents had a record player.  They played records when company came over and occasionally my mom played records while doing her household chores.  My sister had records of Shawn Cassidy and the Partridge Family.  (this does not reflect in any way my age, simply hers.)  Whenever I was alone in the house I would turn the record player on, grab a candlestick, and stand on the couch and belt out the lyrics to the song.  I was a real diva!!!  My favorites were the 45's and "Scandinavian Hotshot" was the BEST!

My parents got rid of that record player, and like all things accumulated, it came to my house.  I'm starting to believe they do that so they can come and visit all their stuff.  Hmm. My teenagers loved that old record player.  I scoured the vintage flea markets and Goodwill to collect Elvis albums, and all the rock bands of the 80's.  My son bought his own record player and took it to college with him.  Records seem to be making a comeback.

But some old records need to be thrown out.  I'm talking about emotional ones, the ones where your mind keeps playing your history.  Emotional records are things that people have done to us, or said to us, that caused pain.  Then when someone says anything that resembles and comes close to sounding the same, we get out that old record and sing along.  

The danger and result of playing old records (your emotional history) is that you keep getting more of what you don't want.....emotional damage.  Here is the thing about old records.  They keep you stuck.  They keep you assuming the worst, instead of asking questions.  Old records cause pain.  Past traumas can leave an imprint on our heart, and fill our mind with fear.  Our instinct is to protect ourselves from hurt, so we tend to keep those old records around to remind us of our past history thus protecting us from more damage.

So how do we stop playing the "good ole oldies" of our emotional history?  Sometimes it's as simple as asking more questions.  Was this what you meant?   Repeating back what you heard sometimes is all it takes to remove doubts.  We can also look at the messengers heart to discern their true motive.  And finally we need to take this issue to God.  When we cry out to God, "Search me o God and know my heart, try me and know my anxious thoughts." Psalm 139:23, God will reveal old wounds that we need to address.  Sometimes a little house cleaning in our heart is necessary.  

We have the ability to experience more of what God intended for us if we allow him to help us remove the clutter and the debris from our hearts.  It is never his intention  to keep us in bondage over past hurts.  So keep the old vinyls, the albums and the 45's, but throw out the old records of your emotional history.  Nobody wants to listen to those!

Confession From A Mom Of Teenagers

Having really small children never really stressed me out.  A room full of two year olds was comfort for me.  I remember one day pulling our mini van into the parking space at church, and I looked over and saw a family walking from their car to the sidewalk.  I remember thinking, "look at ALL those kids!"  In my head I counted, Mom, Dad, one, two, three, four.  Wait...  What?  Only four? Why does that family look so BIG?  As I started unloading my children from their car-seats I was again counting in my head.  One, two, three, four, five.  Oh my gosh, my family seemed so small to me.  Those kids on that other family looked like so many!  I'm not very good at math, and now I know I am not so great at perspective either.

Small children I got.  Small children, plus me, equals patience, patience, patience.  The physical demands were more, but I loved it.  The damage to my body to grow, shrink, grow, shrink, grow shrink (well you get the idea) and sustain 5 other lives,well, bring it on!  No sleep?  It's my pleasure.  Potty training, endless accidents, temper tantrums, pink eye, ear infections, It's nothing but a thing.  I was made for this!  But here's the really funny part.  Those babies, they grow into TEENAGERS!  And this mama wasn't wired for that!  Having young children was in my comfort zone.  Because of that it appeared seamless.  I didn't feel like the "perfect" mom, but other's admiration in me, for handling a large family so effortlessly, certainly made me feel like I was worthy.  Worthy of my family, of my friends and of God.

What I wouldn't realize until my children became teenagers, was that grace was waiting for my imperfect self, in all it's glory.

When my kids were still small, I was asked to lead the youth group at church.  I thought well, how bad could it be?   I wanted to serve and if that's where they needed me, okay.  I lasted one night!  I'm not kidding you.  the next day I remember begging to be put in the two year old room.  I couldn't take the drama.  I couldn't take the immaturity.  (funny because we all know how mature 2 year olds are.)  Confiding in a friend over coffee, I told her, "You just can't imagine how horrible teenagers are!"  She looked at me and smiled, "You know someday you will have 5 of them!"

And teenagers they became.  I can't tell you the number of times as each of my kids navigated through their teenage years, that I called my friend in tears and said matter of factly through sobs and wails, "I can't do this." "I'm failing."  Nothing about teenagers was easy for me.  The bag of tricks that had worked so well for me, failed me.  A hug and a band-aid couldn't fix a broken heart.  Tickling them couldn't change a frown into giggles, and man was I so tired trying to stay awake till they came home at curfew time.  I was a fish out of water, but every ounce of me was drowning.

But here is where grace steps in, finding it's way through all the cracks in my shattered perfectionism.  When I plop on the couch at my parents house and declare, "I CANT survive this last teenager!" my parents laugh and say, "Your doing just fine,"  a little grace seeps in.  When a friend puts her arms around me and says, "I know just how you feel," a little more grace seeps in.  When my oldest daughter says, "Mom, you did a great job with me.  Everything will work out," a little more grace falls upon me.

Here is where the verse in Hebrews 4:16 makes all the sense to this flailing mom.  "Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need."  There is nothing left to do but fall on my knees.  I have come to the end of my ability, and that is where God can get the glory.  His grace washes over me and I learn compassion.  His arms hold me, and in failure, I learn tenderness.  He picks me up and sets me on my right path and I learn dependence and trust.  In my failures God is strong.  When I am at my weakest, God is strongest.  God can take my mess and turn it into a message.  The message is "Love each other, as I have loved you." John 15:12

Wow,  The grace that God so freely and abundantly pours over me, I am called to pour over others.  Others who struggle like me.  Others who feel like failures.  Others who fall well below our own measure stick.  

I realize being worthy has nothing to do with what I can do in my own strength, and everything to do with Jesus.  And to really prove His point, He tells us in 2 Corinthians 12:19 "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."  The funny thing about grace is when I accept God's grace in my own life, I can give myself grace.  When I have grace for myself, I can then give grace to to others.

Doing what comes natural and easy for me does not make me grow.  It does not conform me to the image of Christ.  Doing something perfect does not strengthen my dependence on God.  It gives me all the praise.  Doing it out of my own strength, praises the alter of me.  God in his infinite wisdom allows me to struggle just enough to turn to him.  Perhaps He also knows, that my humble heart, will turn to other moms and offer them the beautiful gift of grace.  Babies, toddlers, teenagers, this lasts for only a season, but the road ahead has many more speed bumps to navigate through.   So serve yourself up a big plate of grace and settle in for the ride.

 

 

When God Leads You Into The Fire

I have always had a bit of the stage performance bug in me.  In the 5th grade, my church put on a musical "It's Cool In The Furnace."  It was a musical about Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, three men who got thrown into the fiery furnace because they would not bow down to King Nebuchadneezar's false idols.  

As a child I marveled at the bravery these three men had to say "No", and follow that, even if they were thrown into the fiery furnace.  They said, "Our God will surely save us," (and then here is the amazing part), "BUT even if he does not, we will not serve your Gods".  Daniel 3.  From my adult perspective, I see something else that happens later in the story.  The men emerge from the fire unharmed, their bindings gone.  King Nebuchadneezer has a change of heart.  He falls to his knees and declares, "Surely your God is the one and only true God.  We will worship only Him from now on."  The courage, the faith and the trust, despite the odds, that these three men had, opened someone else's eyes to God.

It makes me think about the times I have been in the fire in my own life.  Times when I was in a hard spot, when I was dealing with the consequences of my bad decisions, or dealing with unresolved pain.  Like Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, I was bound and shackled, unable to move and save myself.  I was bound by my own limitations and shackled by rejection, hurt and betrayal.  

Like a blacksmith heats his metal in the furnace to refine away impurities, make it strong, and mold it into what he wants it to be, so too does God with us.  God in his grace and wisdom leads us into the fire.  

Let's just get real here for a moment.  I don't like the fire.  I go kicking and screaming into it.  The fire is painful emotionally.  It burns away that veil that I have put up to conceal the things that I don't want to see in myself.  It leaves me raw and exposed.  Sometimes I can feel when I am approaching the fire, like when I hold on to resentment, or when I find myself struggling with emotions and issues I thought I had long since conquered.  Other times I don't see the fire coming at all, like when I ignore old wounds for too long, make bad choices, feel lost, defeated and all alone.  But Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, show me something else.  God did not rescue them FROM the fire, instead he rescued them IN the fire. 

Why?  Because the fire does three things.  The first is that it refines us.  It burns away untruth, those lies we believe about ourselves that God says are not true.  It replaces it with the truth about who we are, loved and accepted by an amazing God.

Second, the fire makes us stronger.  It tempers our heart by decreasing our self reliance and increasing our self awareness.  It softens our heart so that we can hear the word of God.  He may do this through other people or events in our lives, or he may speak to us in his still soft voice in our spirit.  Through this process we get clarity and a new perspective of what God wants and desires from us, and for us. 

The third thing the fire does, is it allows us to have our character molded into who God called us to be so that we can move forward with the richness and blessings He had planned for our lives. 

Sometimes God will lead you into the fire.  This has been the case with me.  I never really wanted to go, but now I trust him to go with me to the scary places. Like Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, when the pagans looked into the furnace they saw not 3 men, but four men unbound, walking amidst the flames, and instantly declared that the 4th man was the son of God.  God will never ask me or you, to go alone. God is in there with us to wipe our tears, forgive us, and assure us that everything will be okay. He does not want us to be hurt by leading us here, he simply wants to bring us to a better place, refined and beautiful and blessed.

When I look back I can see that the places of calm and easy spaces in my life, have never strengthened me.  People who are challenged with situations and struggles either come out bitter or blessed.  I have learned to embrace those times when God leads me into the fire.  Not because it is not painful, but because when I walk out my bindings will be gone, and I well be free to love and be loved completely.  

God has a purpose in the fire.  Romans 8:28 "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to His purpose."  When we find ourselves thrown into the blazing furnace, we need to remember that the God we serve is able to deliver us from it.  We serve a loving, tender God, who loves us to much to leave us where we are at.   When we are called to "come out" of the fire, we will be a new creation, refined and blessed.  

Hide and Seek

One of my favorite games as I was growing up, was playing "kick the can" on my aunt and uncle's farm.  It was a version of hide and seek.  After it got dark, my cousins and I would take an old tin can and set it in between the house and the barn, in the wide open space.  One person would close their eyes and count, and everyone else would scatter to our hiding spots.  As the seeker discovered people, they would have to be tagged to be out.  The can came into play if someone managed to "kick" it, then everyone tugged would go free and the person would have to start counting all over again.  

Like my own kids used to do,  my grand-kids love to play hide and seek.  In fact I almost always suggested the idea, and I insisted that I be the seeker.  Why you ask?  Because the hiders have to be quiet! And still, staying in one place, until I find them!  And I'm a really bad seeker.  (wink, wink)  Here is a tip.  When your hiding from the children, don't have your cell phone in your pocket.  It's like a clanging beacon to those little gremlins when it goes off!

Although "hide and seek" was a fun game when we were little, and a great quiet time when we are adults, some of us are still playing "hide and seek" in our own lives.  We are hiding our true selves.  Afraid if anyone really saw us, they would reject us, find us lacking, and be disappointed.  So we pretend to fine, when our heart is aching.  We pretend to be strong when we feel at our weakest, and we pretend to be what makes everyone else more comfortable.  But here is the thing about hiding.  Remember when you were a kid playing and you were hiding, waiting to be found?  What if, no one ever came to find you?  What if, just short of finding you, they all quit playing?  It would make you feel very unimportant, irrelevant, and not worth the effort.  

No matter how much we all like hiding, all of us like to be found.  We wait with excitement, our hearts pounding so loud we are sure it will give us away.  We hold our breath as the footsteps get closer as to not make a sound.   You see we don't want the finding of us to be easy.  We want to be searched for, pursued, sought after and discovered.  Because anything with great value is worth the effort.

When we are hiding our true selves, we want someone to say, "I see the real you, it's amazing, you can come out now."  The one person we can't hide from is God.  He sees us.  Always.  And He loves us. Always. Why wouldn't He?  After all, we are one of his masterpieces, created on purpose and designed for a purpose.  God says we are very important, very relevant and of GREAT worth!  

Do you ever notice when  you played "hide and seek", no one ever wanted to be the seeker?  We would all immediately yell, "not it!" But when it was our turn to seek, we didn't want to fail.  There was a lot of pressure.  While you were finding (seeking) one person, someone else might slip by.  Some of us were "hard wired" to be seekers.  Seekers in life are always looking for an answer to  the why, or how, or the truth.  They are continually on the hunt to grow and expand their understanding of their own heart and the heart of others.  Seekers will turn over every stone to "find" that one gem of understanding.  Just like in hide and seek, it's not about the hunt to find all the hiding spots, its about the victory.

Over the years I have perfected the art of hiding.  I thought I was protecting my heart from a catastrophic blow.  I couldn't take one more rejection, one more criticism, one more "you are not enough"  or one more "you are too much."  I had this continual battle going on in my heart.  "Don't show the real you, you will get hurt," or "Please someone find me, see me."  

And then God spoke to me those four little words........  "Olly, olly, oxen free."  Which means:  It is safe to emerge from hiding.........................................