Rae Roy's Blog, page 16

Pretty Little Liars - A Brief Review

Image by Shotkitimages from Pixabay.

I started watching Pretty Little Liars when it first aired, but two seasons in, I was busy dealing with a divorce and trying to live through the Ontera divestment, which was part of the past Ontario liberal scandals at the time. I realized I hadn't gotten to watch it all the way through. 

If you haven't seen it, usual coming of age hijinks take dark turns and they often have no choice but to continue covering up one lie with another. This continually escalates until something bad happens.
Age gaps are a recurring topic. Aria's dad, Aria and Ezra, Aria's mom, and Hanna's mom. If I recall correctly, gaps were a bigger deal in those days, though I suppose some people still care about that now. 
There is a lot of trauma and the girls never really get time to heal from all that they go through, yet they manage to dig deep and continue doing what they have to because of the support they get from each other.
Fashion is a prominent element. The girls are nearly always well-dressed with their hair, makeup, and nails on point. Some of the liars just like to wear the best outfits and others want to set trends and create ripples in the industry. I'm so jealous of their wardrobes! 
The messaging about several sensitive topics like homosexuality, was handled very well. While Emily wasn't initially accepted by her parents, they eventually came around. Her friends always had her back.
Friendship was an integral part of the show. The girls loved each other deeply even when they were mad at each other for the dumb mistakes they often made. I think it was easier for them to forgive each other because they were dealing with something only they could understand, so it was critical to stay together. 
I'm conflicted about the final season. Part of me feels like it should have ended before the time jump, but I kind of like the final twists in the story. 
Overall, I loved everything Emily, but I felt many of her partners were awful and that she deserved better. Aria had moments of intelligence, but made the worst decisions and could be quite dumb for someone who reads so much. I enjoyed a lot of her aesthetic and her love for books. Hanna had the best character arc and was more intelligent than she was often given credit for. I related least to Spencer and I suppose that is because I come from a blue collar family that isn't nearly as messed up. The characters could be quite surprising. I truly enjoyed the surprises along the way that challenged my own thinking.

Transitions

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay 

I'm in one of those periods of transition in life right now. It's messy and hectic, but I feel more alive than ever. 

I'm assuming a new role at work while finishing up some things for the current one. This is an official thing starting in April, but the person I'm replacing is on vacation beginning this Friday and going to the end of the month, so I'm really starting it already. Today, we did the meeting to discuss what she couldn't get finished in time. I've had some really tiring work days this week with all of this.

Curling is ending on April 2nd. I'm sad about this. I never expected to fall in love with a sport that looks boring on the outside! It's helped me get out more in the winter and get back to being active. Softball registration is almost here, so I am aiming to continue being active for the warm months though it'll be more difficult between seasonal allergies and my body not always being the best at temperature control. I'm a fan of crossing bridges as I come to them though. I just received a workout bench that I'm excited to get using. I hate working out on the ground. It comes with resistance bands and I'll be able to do most exercises. And it folds up, which is important in Tiny Condo Land.

This weekend, I'm looking forward to a planned outing to see John Carpenter's The Thing at The Mayfair with my scriptwriter friends. I'm also looking forward to a film workshop, curling, and dinner with my martial arts friends for one of their birthdays.

I did some ultra-light work on Sparker the past two mornings and I'm really happy to be getting back to it. It was partly figuring out what I had last done as I have so many versions of it in my head these days. I've also been working on a screenplay. It's a horror comedy and the trouble with writing it is that I keep laughing.

I'll be taking a decluttering break for some time while a friend visits in a week and a half. She's coming to write a professional exam in nursing then we'll have fun on the town.

And I'm doing some mortgage magic. I'm waiting to hear more about it hopefully tomorrow.

On Clothing

Some people wonder why LGBTQ+ folks change the way they dress after coming out. Part of it is because we still don't feel fully like ourselves. It's like we can't truly express who we are in the wrong clothing. It's that old saying, "The clothing makes the man."
I'm personally rejecting most feminine clothing these days for many reasons.
1. Who I am.
I lean towards the masculine side of life. I was always a bit sporty prior to high school and after university. In high school, I was a tomboy goth. When I first started working office jobs, I loved wearing blazers or vests and dress pants. Now, I'm somewhere around a futch. What's that mean aesthetically? Think blazers, turtlenecks, Henley shirts, skate shoes, t-shirts, jeans, cargos, hoodies, and dress shoes. But I don't mind adding in some girlish elements here and there like earrings, a pixie haircut, and dark nail polish. This all lets me play with gender in my outfits.
2. Durability and sustainability.
It's more common to find clothing that lasts in the men's section. It's like they realize that men don't want to constantly shop. Neither do I. It's as if they want to force women to constantly be replacing their things or to constantly be shopping. Aside from the annoyance and inconvenience of that, it isn't good for the planet and I care about reducing my carbon footprint where it makes sense to.
3. Pockets.
Men's clothing items, especially pants, have pockets. Not just pockets, but ones that hold more than a fucking lip gloss. 
4. Comfort and functionality.
I have never enjoyed womens shoes. I rarely want to wear dresses, skirts, or leggings. Pretty much a summer wedding when it's too hot to have a lot of layers on is when I might choose a dress. There is almost nothing I can't do in pants. I'm far more ready for running in skate or dress shoes.
5. Sizing insanity.
It's not uncommon for men's clothing to be sized as the literal number of inches your waist or neck is. With women's clothing, good fucking luck. Many products are sized to avoid hurting a woman's feelings, so a 10 in one brand is not a 10 in another. You have to try everything on to figure out if it fits you and hangs nicely on your particularly body. There's a lot less of that in clothing that doesn't need to hug every curve you have.
6. Confidence.
I've always felt more myself and more confident in comfortable clothing that fits my needs. Suits definitely boost the confidence.
7. Features.
Way more men's items come in wrinkle free fabric. I'm a busy person and having less to do in order to look good is an excellent feature of menswear. Have you see how cool men's designer jeans are?
8. Less.
I've never been that into makeup. Now, I can be as minimal as possible in this area and just throw on some goth guyliner when I feel like it. Usually I do a bit more than that, but it no longer feels like I need to in order to be accepted as a professional in society.
9. Black.
As a goth, I love how easy it is to find black clothing items. The colours change more frequently in women's clothing. Often I ended up having to choose from some ugly options.
10. Less decision making is needed.
I can spend less time figuring out what I'm going to wear since more of my wardrobe will match. I can just choose the vibe I want or base it on specific needs of the day. Maybe it's a chill hoodie and jeans day or maybe the day calls for something dapper.
11. Weight fluctuations
It's easier to find clothing that won't become unwearable with the slightest increase or decrease in weight. 

International Women's Day 2023

Image by Bianca Van Dijk from Pixabay.

I had my first day back at work on Tuesday. It was nice seeing my national lead. I was surprised that many of the lunch places in my building were still operating. One that was lost, I still don't want food from after three years away from it, so that was a happy change. 
At our International Women's Day virtual event yesterday, an upgrade to the Golden Rule was proposed by a speaker.
The Platinum Rule
Treat others the way they want to be treated. Don't assume they want to be treated like you. Ask them what works for them.

I like this, but I also think we need to be careful because some people are overly demanding to an unreasonable level. They tend to demand to see the manager...
Learning
Another topic came up and that was how certain courses like science and math might be taught in ways that males understand more easily than females. I think all the methods should be available for every student to get what they need in order to learn. And I think that's important for a gender diverse approach to learning that is inclusive of non-binary and transgender individuals. Not assuming that someone will learn in a particular way based on their genitals just makes sense to me. And it might be helpful for neurodiverse people as well.
Health
Another speaker brought up the reality that we're still fighting for the medical community to take the needs of women seriously. It's more common that women will have conditions like arthritis and autoimmune disorders, yet less money and time is put into research and treating them. I experience this firsthand. I read something earlier that conditions that have a trigger might be able to go into remission. This is something that needs to be explored. How many people could have better lives and contribute to society as fully as possible if their conditions could be turned off? 
By the end of Tuesday, I only had 9 emails left in my inbox. It's been awhile since I found the bottom of it! Right now, the more I clear, the better. More on the reason for that when I'm allowed to talk about it 🙂
Happy International Women's Day!

Super Massive Condo Reorg - Part 1

The past year has been tough. I was depressed and anxious after losing my mom. As a consequence, my declutter efforts got derailed. I kept trying, but there was little to no progress and I couldn't figure out what to do. 
Bedroom
It seemed no matter how I set up my bedroom, it just didn't flow. And I would have to move things like sports items into my hall or entrance to access them. Neither of those spaces actually have room, so it was nightmarish. 
Just before the holidays, I figured out a new plan. This originally included changing to another bed frame that I already had and moving my bed and dresser near the window instead of the door. The canopy frame took up space I wanted for art and I couldn't stretch out fully without my feet touching the footboard, which annoyed me.
Here is the disastrous starting point: 




Yes, that was all in one 11' by 20ish' room. 
The day after I got back from holidays, I got started. I had been wanting to add feet to my IKEA Kallax unit I use as a bedside table. This took longer because my drill wasn't charged. I was planning to do this later, but my evening plans had fallen through, so I could do more of the reorg.

I was originally planning to use the base for my DIY loveseat for a reading nook, but I realized I didn't really have space for that. I came up with a new plan for reading, which was moving a chair from the living room. That space was also overly cluttered and unusable anyway.
I also wanted to move my craft table out of my living room because it was adding to the clutter and I wanted more space for things like my rowing machine.
It soon became clear to me that because of the size of the two rooms, my bedroom and living room needed a bigger plan.

12 Things That Help Manage My Anxiety

I've been struggling with anxiety for a while now. It got so bad that every reflection startled me. And I wondered why we need floor tiles that are so shiny the store fronts can be seen in them! 

Some things that have helped include:

1. Turning off message notifications on Facebook. I use a number of alarms and notifications throughout the day as part of my time management strategy and I was having too many distracting ones drown out the more critical ones. When they're all the same level of importance, they become overwhelming and meaningless. I learned that I could turn off notification dots only if I had notifications left on. I was really happy to learn this for messenger as I check multiple times a day anyway and I really don't need to check my business page that often. The links between Instagram and Facebook don't update correctly, so it was constantly putting up notification dots and there was nothing to action. I've learned there is such a thing as being too available anyway.

2. Choosing less stressful options like shopping at smaller stores rather than shiny malls filled with hundreds of people. This was an especially good tactic for holiday shopping, but I think I want to do it more often than that. Sure, some are further from my home, but less people everywhere is nice. Unless the weather is bad or it's rush hour, I don't mind driving the extra distance at all.

3. Tweaking my calendar. My colour scheme wasn't thoroughly thought out last year. Some of it was good. I have a colour for health related items. But the items that were for chores, fun, and other goals were not set up well. I've fixed this. I've also made it more stable, so that I should be better able to remember what I'm doing from day to day. When I get through this big decluttering push and can get back to a routine anyway.
4. Having packages delivered to the post office rather than my door. I didn't realize how much it was stressing me out, but packages often end up left at the wrong door and people in my building would rather send something back or keep it instead of bringing it to the person who actually ordered it. This takes a couple of days longer to get things and I have to leave home, but I usually need some other items like food and I actually get my packages. Now and then, an item can't be sent to the post office, but most can and I've noticed I'm less stressed out because I don't feel like I have to be home to have a better chance at getting my items.
5. Buying a set of Loops ear plugs. Sometimes noise gets to be too much and these let me hear while turning down the world a bit. They actually also help me focus better on conversations or what I need to be engaged in like when I'm at curling. Just having them with me makes me feel more relaxed.
6. Pitching old unfinished projects has been a good thing as well. I've found old knitting efforts for things I don't want to own. I took them off the needles and donated them. Someone else can salvage that bit of acrylic yarn if they want to. I want to switch to more natural yarns these days anyway. I've also changed a number of plans around my house. Like I was trying to keep part of my DIY loveseat, but I really don't have the space for it and I had a chair I could be using for reading instead that didn't involve a bunch of work. I am going to disassemble the loveseat parts though as the wood is useful for me to use for other things. But for now, it's tucked away under my daybed, so I can focus on more critical things.
7. Making changes that reduce regular annoyances. I had this set of cutlery I bought online that was weighted poorly. Because of this, most of the pieces would constantly fall off my plates and onto my floor or my foot. I got some much lighter cutlery from IKEA and donated the too heavy cutlery. I liked them so much that I got another set.
8. Purging items that weren't right for the me I am now. I had these beautiful crystal wine glasses that I selected when I was married. They not only didn't fit in my dishwasher, but left me connected to a time and a version of me that is long gone. I figured someone else would love and cherish them in a way I couldn't. I asked and received stemless wine glasses for Christmas. I don't drink a lot of wine, but I do like to indulge now and then. Now I can without any ill feelings connected to the past.
9. Having a therapist. Yeah, this one isn't a cheap option, but it has been helpful to vent about certain things with a professional. I've learned to worry a touch less and that I'm probably trying to do too much. So that's part of why January was about just the decluttering and though other things were in my schedule, I didn't get upset at myself for focusing on this large task and getting much less done on other goals. This decluttering effort will reach a regular maintenance level and not impact my other goals forever.
10. Reframing things. Yes, it's my busy time of the year at work. No, I don't have to run around like I'm being chased by Jason Vorhees or Michael Myers. I've been doing this year end thing for awhile now and I know I've got this.
11. Making time for things I love. Even though my focus is on decluttering, I need breaks. I have been doing a little bit of editing during these, some gaming, some music stuff, some knitting, some drawing, and some reading. Is it as much as I want to be doing? Not yet, but I don't have to go from 0-100! Actually, I should stop trying to do all the things all the time anyway 😂
12. Taking more me time. I love seeing my loved ones, but between work, sports, and everything else, I need downtime. I wasn't giving myself enough of that. I was just trying to be everywhere all the time and it was too much.

Boundaries and Lived Experience - A Rant

This is a rant about people. The kind of people who think it's OK to put forth their worldview or their experience as THE ONE TRUE WAY OF LIVING.

These are the people who continue to push against boundaries and can't see that they could be wrong.

I'll often see these situations on social media.

A page for something specific like neurodiversity, homosexuality, chronic illness, or anything really will attract someone who decides they alone hold the secrets of the universe and you should feel special that they want to impart their wisdom onto you.

I'm not going to delve into the gender and race of these knights in tinfoil helmets who live in a fantasy realm of their own making. You can probably easily guess. It's not always that particular segment of society, but it is more often that segment.

One of the pages on neurodiversity had this happen recently. They posted about being tired and someone decided that they just need to exercise more.

Exercise is great and helpful for a lot of things. It *can* help fatigue, but that depends on the cause of the fatigue.

For someone who is struggling with overstimulation, more stimulation is often the last thing they need. It could lead to them being unable to sleep at night from getting too excited and then the lack of sleep could make everything even worse. For someone who is having difficulty focusing, a workout session beforehand can help increase their concentration. For someone who is stressed out, sure exercise can help, but they also need to deal with the cause of their stress or they won't get lasting relief. If the fatigue is due to insomnia, well, that needs more than exercise to help. If it's caused by anxiety, exercise can help, but therapy will help in tandem for more lasting relief. Depression can be helped by exercise, but that's more often mild to moderate depression and severe needs a lot more than exercise. Telling someone who can barely manage to get enough energy together to eat that exercise is going to cure them is truly idiotic. 

Pretty much every condition on the planet from a common cold or allergy to cancer comes with fatigue, so running around telling people they just need to exercise is lacking in empathy, compassion, knowledge, logic, etc.

For someone with a chronic illness, it's very easy to cross over this microscopic line that separates helpful from harmful. 

And someone who isn't chronically ill or neurodiverse has no business adding their 5 cents to the discussion. Their body and mind aren't in a constant state of hyperarousal that is akin to being on fire all the time or one that is ready to re-ignite at any moment.

What's troubling is that this happens in so many other areas of life as well. I recently had a man on my instagram who kept telling me he thought I was beautiful. On the face, that seems like something I should be happy about. My initial response was that I was flattered, but also very gay. He continued. I supplied the dictionary definition of a lesbian. He continued. I blocked him. It was clear he didn't care that I was not a willing participant. There are people who sincerely believe that lesbians just haven't found the right penis. It's exhausting.

And I have met some women like this as well who continue to pursue after they're told I'm not into them. 

If someone says, "You're not my type," it means you should move on and quit trying to pursue a more-than-friends relationship with them.

Do they need a decoder ring to clue in?

In both cases, that was me saying in the kindest way possible, "Back the fuck off. I'm not interested."

There are many ways they could say this. Stop. No. I only want friendship. I'm not dating right now. I don't feel that way about you. 

I honestly don't get why you'd want someone who doesn't want you. It's really unhealthy and you might want to talk to a professional about it. I get that the enemies to lovers trope is out there, but that's fiction and while it could be OK with a willing partner to explore in a consensual roleplay, it's not OK anywhere else.

A friend recently witnessed white people telling non-Chinese Asian people what their new year's animal is. When the Asian people told them it's the rabbit, the white people argued with them. Not only is this culturally insensitive, it's incorrect. It's not actually called the Chinese New Year. It's the Lunar New Year. Many other cultures around the globe celebrate the Lunar New Year. Even many other religions like pagans do.

I've also had someone tell me that I don't need to build strength to be a better athlete. Wrong. I have since learned that I have hypermobility. That means that my tendons are weaker than they should be. The best thing for that? Building muscle to help support my weak tendons. I have to do it carefully because I could hurt myself if I do what works for a lot of other people. I wouldn't dream of telling someone else with hypermobility to do this. Their case of it might be vastly different and they may seriously injure themselves with the most gentle of exercises.

We're in the time of the year where I struggle with nosebleeds. The heat combined with Sjogren's and a need to have caffeine to function all culminate in bloody noses for me. Also drier eyes, but I'm not getting into that. A friend mentioned that when noses get that dry it can reduce the ability to smell things. For me, that would be a blessing because my sense of smell is hyperactive. I admit that I do need to get better at remembering to use my nasal moisturizing product. But it's hard because I have alarms set to remind me to put drops in my eyes and to use my nasal spray for allergies. I am also quite busy trying to off balance the bit of caffeine I have with the water I need to ensure I don't get dehydrated because that can happen more easily with me. I also have to watch that my hands and feet don't crack and bleed too. And it comes with chronic fatigue and pain that I also need to manage.

People often know their own bodies in ways others can't, but this is even more prevalent with those who are neurodiverse or chronically ill. Someone shouldn't have to scream loudly or cause a scene to get their boundaries to be respected. They shouldn't have to continuously deflect the uninformed opinions of people who can't fathom what their day-to-day reality in this world is like. They shouldn't have to repeatedly say no.

Disclaimer: I'm not yet diagnosed as neurodiverse, but I am having the possibility investigated as I do experience many of the aspects. I do not claim to speak on behalf of the neurodiverse population, nor will I if it turns out that my suspicions are correct. Each person who has a condition of any sort experiences different symptoms and has a different lived reality of managing their case of it.

DIY Monitor Stand

On the 18th, I was up early and ready to go shopping at 7:00 AM for the items I needed to get several things done, but my nose decided that bleeding was going to be a thing. To be fair, I had woken up with a bloody nose, but I thought it had stopped until I was almost done clearing my car off and my nose seemed to start back up. Despite no tissues in my car, I luckily made it through the scraping of the windshield, but I'm sure any neighbours who were up likely thought it was odd that I warmed it up and cleaned it off only to turn it off and go back inside. The offending nostril was all blocked up after and I didn't know if I could trust it while shopping, but I had things to do, so I grabbed tissues and headed back out!

Unfortunately, this nosebleed thing happens quite often with Sjögren's Syndrome. Especially in winter with the dry heat from the electric baseboard heaters that are in my condo building. I miss gas heat. It didn't dry me out as much. A cheap way to help increase moisture in my home may be to air dry my laundry, which would also save some money. I sleep with a humidifier, but it doesn't seem to be enough.

I find sticking some petroleum jelly up my nose helps and it has often been better than the products that are supposed to be specifically designed for dry nose care.

Anyway, that was just a little of my weekend challenges. I was sure there would be more as I built a new monitor stand that I hoped would better handle my setup. I have a large monitor in the middle of my desk with a laptop on either side and a shared KVM switch (Keyboard, Video, Mouse), which lets me share the large monitor between my work laptop and my home laptop. While, I'd love three large gaming screens instead, this is what I have and it likely won't change for quite some time.

The wood was cut for the project, but I did not have the legs, paint, sandpaper, or other connective pieces and screws. I built one because the market doesn't have what I needed, which is a centre part with side wings for the laptops. I also wanted the whole thing to take up less space than most of the available products and be high enough off of the desk surface to let me have things underneath the stand like my soundbar, my small synthesizer, and my iPad. The whole thing is about making my small space more usable. And it had a benefit of being customizable to my own style.

I had some other things to shop for as well like a reading pillow to prop myself up in bed with and yummy things to eat. I didn't find a reading pillow that I liked. Most were ugly colours like mustard that wouldn't go with my decor at all. I soon learned that Bed Bath and Beyond is pulling out of Canada, so I hoped that I would find one there in the near future for a decent price.

I would be delayed again by a fire alarm in my building before I could go out and shop. By then, it was getting ever closer to noon and I decided to wait a little longer to avoid the midday traffic and busyness at the stores. I also had a film related workshop to attend starting at noon that I had forgotten about, so it would be the evening before I could get out and get the things I needed.

I thoroughly enjoyed painting the legs. It had been a while since I had last done a wood based craft project.

Here is the result:

Update - Week of February 13-19

Normally, I repost my post on Superb Owl on Superbowl Sunday. I was busy curling and then it was Dino Sunday. Friends of Danielle Allard gather together virtually on Sundays after her usual stream and we play games or watch movies on Discord. It's something I look forward to every week as it's a time to fit in some relaxation and her community is lovely.
Lately, I've been quite busy. I've made some key progress in my declutter. The more I get done with that, the more my mind can focus on my creative projects. I've figured out what I need to do in order to fix Sparker and truly get it ready to query potential publishers. I have a lot of work ahead on Sparker, but now I know what I was too stressed out to think about before. The declutter will hopefully be complete in time for a friend's visit in March.
Last week I went to a speed dating event hosted by Ding Dong Dating and I had a really good time. Later this week, I'm meeting up with one of the women for a longer date. I'm looking forward to it, but I've learned not to get my hopes too high. I did speed dating a good way to meet a number of single women I don't already know, but I found it a bit difficult to present all that I am to someone in a couple of minutes and learn enough about them to really judge a fit. I know there are studies that say you can get enough information in 7-30 seconds about someone, but I also know that people can be having an off day or are just less skilled at certain situations as well. And there are loads of articles about how to overcome a bad first impression for a reason.
I am hoping to make even more progress on my declutter this week. And I've started a course on Procreate. I got a new pen for my iPad that is much closer to the Apple Pencil and was well rated. The one I first tried had an extra bit on the end that it needs for tilt recognition, which gets in the way for drawing. You can see that bit if you look closely, though it blends into the pants I was wearing. My new one is blue and I love that. 

Also planned for this week is a book discussion for a friend's podcast. I'll be providing the link once it has been uploaded to the interwebs. We are reading The Night Circus and it's not my favourite book by any means. More on that to come in the discussion. Suffice it to say that I have 4 hours left on the audiobook and I'm not excited.
Back to curling. How did we do for our first match of round 3? It was a hard fought tie with one of the fun teams, so everyone had to buy their own drinks. One of their members was in the training session with me at the beginning of the season. Their team briefly moved up a division and they are happy to be back in this one. 
My muscles are feeling it after the match. We're trying to get more ends in and that means extra sweeping and running. This bodes well for my fitness efforts despite how sore and tired I was after. I've noticed that it's starting to get a bit harder to grasp my love handles, so my body composition is beginning to change despite the scale sometimes giving the opposite impression. This is why it's important to look at more than the numbers.
Speaking of numbers, I was glad the rating system at speed dating was yes or no. I'd do more movie reviews if I wasn't expected to give them a number that is practically meaningless because of its subjectivity. A rant for another day.
I plan to get heavily into my writing once my house is ready for my friend's visit. I've been reducing some of my social outings for both of these things to be possible. I'll soon have room in my living room to fit in more exercise as well. Work has been a lot since around November, so I'm looking forward to the upcoming long weekend.

10 Clues That I Was Always Gay

Sometimes, when one looks back, they can see things about themselves in a new light. Hints that I was gay were there, but each one alone could be seen as completely within the realm of heterosexuality. When I see them all together, I can see that it's more likely that I was always gay and hadn't figured it out.
1. I was a tomboy. Yes, there are tomboys in all sexualities, but it's a little extra common for lesbian and bisexual or pansexual women to lean toward the boyish things. I thought boys always dressed cooler and looked comfortable. I hated playing house. Why would I want to spend my fun time cleaning when we could have an adventure?
2. Sports are something I've often enjoyed playing even if I was pretty trash at them when I was in elementary school. I suppose it's not common knowledge, but I often met up with friends as a preteen to play catch, baseball, frisbee, etc. I enjoyed martial arts. I played roller derby until I was injured. Now I do curling in the winter and I'm hoping to get into softball in the summer. I'm told enjoying baseball or softball is really common with lesbians. I suppose A League of Their Own may be related to that fairly widespread idea.
3. I loved Nancy Drew. No, not just the stories, but her. I hated her boyfriend. I wanted to be the one on going on mystery adventures with her. He wasn't good enough for her. I hated how he often wasn't there for her and was usually telling her not to do the thing she loved most. Fuck you, Ned Nickerson! I think Nancy was my first crush and I had no idea at the time. 
4. My interests have never been stereotypically female. I preferred tech crew in theatre. I like fantasy, horror, and sci-fi stories more often than romance, though I love when those have a romantic subplot. I worked in IT for several years then project management. I'm also rather handy around the house.
5. I always had more male friends. They were just easier to relate to and be around. There were some girls in highschool that I thought were so pretty and I hardly talked to them because I couldn't think of what to say. Especially one redhead. I didn't think her boyfriend was good enough for her either, so I was glad when they broke up.
6. I've always preferred having short hair. Even when it was long, I wished I could just cut it all off like a boy. When Britney shaved her head, I fucking cheered! I think it would have been awesome if more women had followed in her footsteps.
7. All the stuff women do to be pretty? I have always hated it. All the money and time spent on makeup, uncomfortable clothing, and  shoe fixations, I've never liked any of it. Except for a bit of goth makeup, I am so relieved to never have to do any of it again and I'm so excited to purge so much stuff! Also, pants with actual, deep pockets, are wonderful.
8. I never felt attraction to men like I do women. I thought they were interesting, like I might learn something from them, and they were cool to talk to. Guys were persistent though and I just ended up in relationships with them. But sexually? I felt like I was probably on the asexual spectrum until I had my gay awakening.
9. I didn't enjoy kissing most men. Facial hair is like sandpaper and I couldn't understand the women who enjoyed that. High school boys were fine when I was there because they didn't have facial hair, so kissing felt soft like kissing women does.
10. I almost never enjoyed sex with men. I asked female friends if they're all just bad at it. Many replied that a lot of them are, so that didn't help me, but I'd even become repulsed after being with them once. That definitely should've been a sign.