Rae Roy's Blog, page 14

2023 - Weeks 33 and 34

Since Week 32 was a vacation week where I just spent time with family and did very low key things like thrifting, I'm skipping that one.

Week 33 started with a vacation day to recover from the vacation.

Since then, I've been working hard on my decluttering efforts. I should be writing, but I'm finally making progress in this other area that has been such a pain point for me. 

I began reorganizing my living room. First, I moved my rowing machine into my bedroom next to where I keep all my sporty items. Once that was out of the living room, I could better see the rest of the room, what needed to be moved around, and I could move it around, so I did.

I moved my sewing desk near my balcony door, which was swapped with the cabinet that was there before. That cabinet is closer to my TV area, which makes great sense since my movies and liquor are in and on it.

I moved my IKEA PS unit that holds my music related items like small instruments, sheet music, and cables. I was using it as a separation between my office and my living room, but I've been needing better access to my electronic piano for learning and creating. I finally bought the second tier for my keyboard stand and I'm hoping my little midi controller (AKAI MPK Mini) can live there. I've been spending a lot of time investigating musical genres as I'm trying to figure out where I want to prioritize my time.

There's still a lot to do to clean it up fully, but having the furniture in the same general area of The Tiny Condo, is going to be a wonderful change that will help me accomplish my artistic goals.

I recently got a larger USB hub and I'm hoping that lets me add another camera for streaming purposes and then I can do other things like sewing, painting, and eventually music on stream. I always intended to be a variety streamer rather than a game streamer. I'm sad about how long it has taken to get to this point, but I'm really looking forward to what comes next.

This little pre-fall cleanup is giving me the flexible space I've been wanting and I couldn't be happier about it.

I've also been planning out my fall schedule. I might have an activity most days as I'm truly hoping to get into a two days per week tai chi class near my house and I'll have curling two days per week along with streaming. The dojo doesn't seem to pick up their phone, so I'm just going to show up before the class next week. A bonus is that it's in an area of town that is close to where I enjoy shopping more, so I might be able to better plan some things out like meals.

Softball was rained out on the 18th, but I had a lovely time socializing with my ball team at a BBQ. We don't get a lot of time to chat at the games and the bar can be quite packed and loud after, so it was really great. One of the things that I loved the most was talking about our experiences in sport and with this team. There were many echos of it being so good for one's confidence and that our team is a wonderfully caring group that is always trying to improve. I couldn't have been placed on a better team regardless of where we are in the standings.

We had two games this weekend. The sad fact was that we hadn't gotten to really play since July 14th with all the weather events and holiday weekends, so I had little hope we would get to since rain was in the forecast again. We lost the first by 1 point. We lost the second by a little more, but it began with us already down by 7 points.

The following day, I had a movie outing planned with a friend, a book discussion for Nights at the Round Table that was previously postponed, and Hadestown. My friend had to postpone the movie, so I was able to attend Drag and Balls. I'm glad I did. I was able to catch up with an old derby friend and see several friends from other teams, as well as, some curling friends.

The book discussion went as well as it could given that we both found the book to be beautifully written yet largely forgettable. I'll post the link when it's available.

Check out my review on Hadestown here.

The Capital Pride Parade capped off the weekend and I both loved that and needed rest! As for the parade itself, I had a wonderful time with friends from various groups and the overwhelming support for the community was heartwarming. Though it wasn't entirely free of hateful people like far right activists or religious extremists who felt the need to try and ruin a day of love, those people were thankfully rare and in small numbers.

Hadestown

It's unorthodox, but I'm starting this review with some of the technical aspects that are often overlooked. 

The set design was phenomenal. They pretty much travel with a stage they place on top of the venue's stage. There is a rotating piece that adds to the action on stage. Two of the massive winged seated sections move as well, which adds to the atmosphere.

I enjoyed seeing the band on stage as part of the show rather than stuck in an orchestra pit where no one can see how much they contribute.

Hades was well cast. His deep voice was perfectly chosen to effectively capture the essence of this powerful god.

Eurydice was hot. She was my favourite singer and I loved the duet with Orpheus. She was also an accomplished dancer.

Orpheus was well cast. He had a sweet innocence about him. His voice was reminicent of Jaskier from The Witcher.

I found Hermes just OK for me. I felt like something was missing with his performance or perhaps the issue was that the transitions between singing and speaking segments were not smooth enough.

The Fates were enjoyable though I don't have a lot more to say on them.

Persephone was also just OK for me. I think the Persephone in my mind from other adaptations, including Percy Jackson, may have been at odds with this version of her.

I wasn't sure what the swinging hanging lights piece was aiming to convey.

Dancing was on point.

I think that the only problem I had was that it wasn't always clear to me whether or not we were in the Underworld or the regular one, but that could have been a me issue. My other issue was that I should never choose the first row in a balcony as the bar is just at the wrong height for me to stay comfortable throughout the evening.

Overall, I think it was worth going to see it and I'm enjoying the songs all again via Spotify. Many have a big band brassy New Orleans style to them. 

My biggest surprise was that I never expected a play about Hell to instill hope for the future.

2023 - Week 31

Monday

Work Life: My document is indeed ready for publishing.

Mood: Relieved. New admin things that have lots of steps are hard for me to learn and complete. I survived though!

Home Life: I did a bunch of work on the July playlist for the next edition of my newsletter. I also got back to my Fairy Cross-Stitch project. If you want to see how that is going or to hear the playlist, please sign up for my monthly newsletter.

Tuesday

Work Life: We had a very productive meeting on issues we had last year and great ideas on how to improve the process. Of course, now that I'm in a different role, it doesn't help me a ton, but at least things are improving.

Mood: My mood isn't the best today. I don't really want to do anything, but I don't want to let other people down.

Home Life: It helped to go out and see my goth friends even though I was wanting to stay home.

Wednesday

Work Life: It was a pretty typical Wednesday. Most things are waiting for other people.

Mood: Frustrated and sad. I'm still stuck trying to find a way to get medicated for my ADHD. Also feeling disappointed that a project didn't work out, but other things made me feel better.

Home Life: I spent the evening catching up on chores and trying to figure out a path forward. I got an email that gave me some hope. A skirt I altered didn't work out, so it's back to the drawing board on that.

Thursday

Work Life: This week has been too long already.

Mood: A mix of excited and worried. We're supposed to have yet another bad storm, but I'm also going to see a friend perform.

Home Life: After letting the weather calm down a bit, I went to see my friend Dani perform at Live on Elgin! It was a fantastic performance and I'm so glad she has got her voice back after having struggled for a bit with Covid. When she sings Invader, I feel it in my soul and it was a particularly good performance. It was so nice seeing Internet friends in person too. I couldn't stop smiling after the show.

Friday

Work Life: It was a fairly slow day at work since a lot of people took the long weekend off. I got my tender set up, so I can easily publish it when I'm back from my upcoming vacation.

Mood: Tired, but happy.

Home Life: I made progress on my castle in Minecraft. Oh boy has that had a rough start. For some reason, I decided it would be a cool thing to build a castle on a hill. The thing is that there isn't actually a hill, so I've been building it in the air and adding the hill as I go. I attempted to start my music station project, but I couldn't find my saw box to be able to cut the 2x4 in half. Instead, while looking, I found my bag of wayward socks and the bottoms to my new bathing suit. I had been looking for those about a month or two ago. Hopefully it doesn't take me that long to find my saw box. I want to get my music stuff in order, so I can practice more.

Saturday

I had a productive Saturday in Minecraft and at home. I made a lot of progress on my castle. My sawbox was in my closet, so I was able to do the cuts for my music station. I really hope the project works out. It'll make a huge difference in my home and my practice. I even found my little book project and started it. It's a little wooden book that will sit on a shelf I will be returning from vacation with in a couple of weeks. The little book has a compartment that I will be storing some items in that currently clutter my desk. I had originally thought I would put it in my bathroom, so I was going to paint it gray or white, but now that it's for stream, it's a bright lavender. After the base coat is done, I will be adding leaves, mushrooms, and butterflies to it. 

Sunday

Sunday began with some Procreate until my pen decided it could not function without more charge. I was a tad annoyed about this as it was too early to work on noisier projects and I really wanted to finish up my next newsletter. I eventually made a decent amount of progress on my drawing for it. I did get to my other project, but it wasn't working out, so I felt that a break was in order. I watched The Witcher Season 3 with Dino friends and did some cross-stitching.

2023 - Week 30

Monday

Work Life: I was thankful that I didn't need to be physically in the office given that the LRT is broken. It's truly awful at this point. On Thursday, a woman who had been struck by one of the replacement buses, succumbed to her injuries. These things shouldn't be happening regardless of the LRT, but it feels like there is yet another tragedy connected to it. She was only 26-years-old.

Mood: I was anxious about not having practiced enough before the jam, but I realized it's OK to be a beginner. I think I had been placing extra stress on myself to be further along in music than I am because I used to play in music classes and  in brass band. But I'm learning new things and I'm trying to create as well. I was putting myself under pressure like that because perfectionism isn't uncommon with ADHD. It's a way I have masked how much of a dumpster fire I think I can be at times. But I'm not a dumpster fires and I shouldn't feel shame for struggling sometimes. The world isn't made for me in more ways than one and I'm doing the best I can with that. I realized that perfectionism is the kryptonite to learning.

Home Life: The late afternoon had me at the dentist for fillings. The timing was not ideal with the jam session being so soon after, but I guess that is life. The jam session was so much fun! Since it was the pride edition, a local queer musician, OK Naledi, joined us. She liked my melodica and I'm going to be freaking out about this for weeks! I saw her play at New Year's and it was so good.

Tuesday

Work Life: I got some things done and then my new laptop was in, so I drove downtown to pick it up. I had a stellar time catching up with a colleague. The drive home was horrendous and I will plan better in the future to avoid that shitshow.

Mood: So tired of being stuck.

Home Life: I reached out to my psychologist to talk about options regarding medications. I didn't know that they can't even refer me to a psychiatrist to get medicated! What a ridiculous system we have up here. I can understand that they can't prescribe, but wow. After a lot of searching, I found a virtual clinic and I'm hopeful that I can get some help while waiting for a referral.

Wednesday

Work Life: I worked all day, yet feel like I got little done. I did clear some items from my inbox at least. Part of my day was taking up installing missing software on my new laptop and fixing settings.

Mood: I'm a little bit overwhelmed, but I'm also feeling inventive due to the need to fix something frustrating.

Home Life: Aside from catching up on chores, I've designed a hopefully better set up for my keyboards, keytars, synths, and midi controllers. I went to Home Depot for some materials like one 2x4, a palm sander, and shelving pieces. I first checked online and nothing existed like I want. It'll also hold my powered speaker on the bottom shelf, which is the heaviest piece of equipment. And it'll be somewhat modular to go with changing needs. It's going to let me sell one of my keyboard stands and reclaim some space. It has wheels too, so I can move it as needed for streaming and such. 

Thursday

Work Life: I believe I have finished my first tendering document. I suppose I'll know early next week after the second review.

Mood: I'm feeling good about finishing the document. It was weighing on me. New administrative things are hard for me for awhile until I understand the process and boundaries.

Home Life: An exciting thing is that a multi-use path is going in behind my condo building. It's paved and I'll be able to rollerblade far more than I have been. Currently, the other paths in the area pretty much necessitate walking to them to be able to rollerblade because the sidewalks, parking lots, and roads are in such terrible shape that injury is likely. I tried to scope out where it goes. In one direction, it will go to Blair Road, which will make it an easy connection to the LRT if that ever functions properly. I couldn't find the other end as it goes behind Jasmine Park and continues. Perhaps it goes to another path in the area.

Friday

Work Life: Nothing worth mentioning happened. It was a typical Friday.

Mood: Utterly hopeless. A doctor told me psychologists can't diagnose ADHD, but that's how I was diagnosed. According to the Canadian Mental Health Association they can, but if general practitioners won't recognize it, what was the point of anything? 

Home Life: Softball ended early due to lightning. We played just enough of a game for it to be declared a full one. We won. Then I freshened up at home and headed to a burlesque game show in Orleans. It was a good night and I highly recommend seeing Koston Kreme perform if you have the chance.

Saturday

Mood: Contented. 

Event: I met up with friends at the last roller derby bouts of the season. It was nice getting back to seeing derby this year. I liked being able to help my friends understand the game. I helped some with the cleanup before going home. I may volunteer next year if I have the time available. 

Sunday

Mood: Excited. I was finally going to go see The Barbie Movie with my scriptie friends. 

Event: The Barbie Movie was excellent. I didn't even love Barbie that much as a child. I was more into Nancy Drew. But it was layered, fun, and validating.

2023 - Week 29

Monday

Work: It was a productive day and I even had time to start working on process improvement efforts that have been on the back burner for many months.

Mood: I couldn't get the blog post out. Why? Because I'm so sick of trying to figure out what tags to use. Why can't I be normal and just know things like that? Why is it so damned elusive? Why do I sit here wondering how much I should've written about a topic before it deserves a tag? Why isn't it all handled via a content search instead of this extra step of beaucracy?! I'm also hating blog post titles. Do I REALLY need them every week?

Home: I spent the evening reading Girls Like Girls by Hayley Kiyoko. I had to force myself to put it down because I was hungry in more ways than one.

Tuesday

Work: In the early morning, I joined people from my portfolio at a breakfast event. It was great meeting people in person that I communicate with via email all the time. After the breakfast, which was at Nepean Sportsplex, I returned to my home in Beacon Hill to discover I had left my laptop charge cable at work on Monday. Thankfully, I was able to get a work friend to grab it and bring it down to me as I temporarily stopped outside the Queen Street side of our building, so I could get back to working as the battery was almost out.

Mood: Stop telling other people to have kids or not to have kids. Their family plans are none of your business. Also, stop telling people who you don't know that they are "so young." Some of us have lived more years in a shorter time than you can possibly imagine.

Home: Today was a lot. I had evening plans to see my goth friends, but I felt too sad, too tired, and too overwhelmed to go out again. I had way too much to do around the house that was weighing me down. I needed to get some practice in with the melodica though my hopes of actually being able to play any of the songs were hovering around 10%. I also needed to work on my outfit for the upcoming wedding I would be attending on the weekend. Before I got to anything, I finished Hayley Kiyoko's book. Yeah. It was a 2-day read for me, which is something I haven't been able to do since I was a child. I think I've been reading the wrong books for me. I forgot what it was like to thoroughly enjoy a book like that.

Wednesday

Work: I thought I was close to being done a document, but there were quite a few items that needed to be clarified.

Mood: Not really a rant today, but more like an admission that I've been struggling this week. Losing another person this month has made me think about all the people I've lost over the last two decades. I don't think I had the proper time to grieve all of them. Sometimes living alone truly sucks when you could really use a hug.

Home: I started fixing the tags on my blog posts as I felt things like "goals" were too vague to be useful and it would be better to have the actual things like music and writing as the tags. I ordered Chinese and then played some Neverwinter with friends. It was the exact thing I needed to soothe the raw emotions.

Thursday

Work: So many things have taken baby steps forward and I'd really like to just get them completed.

Mood: Still feeling really emotional today. 

Home: I've started planning a cross-stitch piece to memorialize all the people I have lost over the decades that had an impact on me.

Friday

Work: I couldn't wait for work to end.

Mood: Sad and worried I'll be terribly unfun to be around this weekend and I hope I can just enjoy myself at my friend's wedding tomorrow.

Home: I acquired a bunch of free patterns from DMC like the small dolphin one. My mom loved dolphins. I wasn't looking forward to softball between my mood and the fact that we might be playing in the rain, but then the forecast changed from the day before and it was less likely to continue raining. But that was a lie and we got soaked! First, I caught the ball and got someone out. I was shocked that I actually caught the ball. Then it started really pouring when I was up at bat. Soon after, we had to postpone the rest of the game to another day. This meant we went to the bar sooner and I also learned that I need to pack more dry items in my car for softball days. I had changed my shirt, but my bra was soaked, so that wasn't so helpful. But softball has been so helpful during this moody period I've been in.

Saturday

Home: My plan was pretty much to spend the day getting ready for my friend's wedding. This included getting a card, cash, concealer, snacks, and lunch. It also included washing the white parts on my Vans as I planned to switch to them during the dancing section. In the old days, I used to just end up dancing practically barefoot and had really sore feet the next day. 

The Wedding: J & K's wedding was one of the few ceremonies that truly moved me. They're one of the most loving couples I know. I met some really nice people at my table. Hopefully I see some of them again. One couple was from New Brunswick, so the likelihood is low on running into them again, but I think the rest are in Ottawa too. A friend was in the wedding party and told an early story of her own lesbian experience that was a mix of funny and endearing. I was still feeling quite burned out from life in general, so I didn't stay for the whole thing and went home for some self-care because really loud techno wasn't something I could handle past 10 PM on this particular night. 

Sunday

Home: I was feeling a bit rough on Sunday morning despite not having drank that much at the wedding. But I started the day with dishes and went on from there. I also spent some time at Dino Club and practiced melodica for tomorrow's jam session.

Mood: Still sad, but it's starting to lift. Thankfully. I'm usually an upbeat, happy type. I suspect that there are some people who are newer in my life and haven't seen much of my happy and fun side. I know I'll get back to me soon.

Writing: I did some editing on Sparker. I have been feeling like it's time to get it done now that my work is a little more regular and I'm not weighed down by major efforts like the budget or year end. I also feel like I'm ready. Like it needs to exist outside my technology and head. I've been going through tags on my blog. Especially the ones that are listed as goals and I think that reading some of my old posts has been helpful to me in seeing some of the techniques I have used in the past with my writing and in how I was unknowingly coping with my ADHD. It's as if I left crumbs for myself to follow to get back on track.

2023 - Week of My Birthday

Monday

Work: It was an in-office work day and I could hardly focus on anything, so it was a good thing that I had cleared a lot of my inbox on Friday. I did get notes to help me later with my first tender document at least.

Home: I dropped by a shop to replace my 510 CBD set up, which I had lost in the park on the weekend or somewhere else. I really have no idea where it got to. Since I'm allergic to Plaquenil a.k.a. Hydroxychloroquine, my options are limited in managing Sjogren's. I got a cute rainbow one that I like better now that I'm used to it. Being a goth comes with having so many black items that it can be hard to locate them at times.

Tuesday

Work: I could focus quite a lot better, but most items are waiting on someone else. I started making changes to the tender document, but had to fight with the template some. I eventually figured out that I had to force the numbering to make it do what was needed.

Home: In the evening, I visited friends. This was partly to get my passport documents signed, but also to see how they were doing. One of their kiddos thought it was pretty cool that I could turn his snake puzzle toy into a whatever-this-thing-is called:

It was so good seeing them. It had been a while. We used to get together a lot more.

I saw three lightning bolts at once near Billings Bridge while I drove home!

Wednesday

Work: I was able to focus on the tendering document I'm preparing. It wasn't a busy day, which was nice given that I haven't had much time to breathe in recent months.

Home: For my birthday this year, I decided to do a full wheel tarot spread. I also wrote myself a letter to be read when I'm 50. I played with my melodica. I'm trying to figure it out for an upcoming Queer Jam. I was going to bring my ukulele to it, but I don't really enjoy playing stringed instruments and I just want to focus on keyboards and synths. I picked up some groceries and pho. Dinner was pho while watching the original 1954 Godzilla on Crave. I'm glad I finally saw the original. I plan to watch all of them in the coming weeks.

Thursday

Work: I had more things to do at work, though not a lot more. It was hard to focus with the threat of tornados about, but I'm nearing completion of my first tender document.

Home: I made use of the visual timer I got myself on Prime day. I had been wanting one, but hadn't got around to it. Anyway, this let me squeeze some editing in before streaming without getting so caught up that I would forget to stream. I'm still working through Rise of the Tomb Raider and loving it.

Friday

Work: Had a really good chat with a colleague. So many people I work with are awesome humans and are so helpful as mentors. I feel truly fortunate to work where I do even when the work itself isn't all that exciting.

Home: Noon came quickly and I worked on this blog some. I was looking forward to softball despite how warm it was going to be. And it was pretty warm at the start until we found some shade to hide in. I played catcher, which I enjoy a lot. People told me I did a good hit. The thing about softball is that you don't get to see when you do a good hit because you're busy running to first base. You have to trust other people. I don't trust easily, but I have a wonderful team and so many of the people in my ball league are really kind. That helps.

Saturday

I went out with friends for my birthday for dinner and Paint Nite. There was the right level of drunken fun had. Someone had sat children near us, which may not have been the best call as we had some very adult conversations in hopefully the vaguest of ways to avoid corrupting them. Despite my pleas for no gifts, I was given the coolest curling mug:

Sunday

In the morning, I watched the recording of the celebration of life for the friend lost earlier in the month. Tears were shed as I listened to others speak about how truly wonderful of a human he was. And he was. It hurts so much that he had so little time here while awful people get to continue being awful.

I dipped in and out of Dino Club on Twitch as I just wasn't feeling up to the level of chaos. I visited another friend's stream for a bit and then I just took a break altogether. I returned in time to discover that the night's dinner was pizza, which I had everything on hand for. It was a bit warm and I was a bit headachy, but I did some chores, some planning, and some gaming.

2023 - Week of July 3 to July 9

Monday was a stat holiday since Canada Day happened on the weekend. I mainly spent it catching up around the house while watching Deadloch and cross-stitching. If you haven't seen it, it's set in Tasmania, features a lesbian detective with an obnoxious partner who provides much of the comedic elements. They attempt to solve homicides together. There are so many hilarious lines like, "Serial killers love routines." To which Sven responds, "Like babies." I also filled out the form for yoga at work and fit in some keytar practice.

Tuesday was sending the budget out and catching up around the house and at work before visiting with my goth friends. I was invited to the virtual yoga sessions at work and looked forward to that as I made space for it in my home. I also worked on my passport application. It should have been a renewal, but I was just outside of the expiry window for that. My old one was in my married name and I think it'll be nice for that to have a fresh start anyway. I was thankful to be with friends when I learned a friend passed away. He was a kind, generous, and funny dude. Ottawa is the poorer without him.

Wednesday was hard partly due to how I was feeling. Also, there were some connection issues at work and other issues preventing me from doing a lot. I'm waiting on other people for a lot of things right now. I suppose that was good for a breather given how sad I was feeling. The end of the day had me learn how to insert and remove contact lenses. My eyes were quite sore and tired after, but I was largely successful. My hopes of seeing better for sports and having options to occasionally leave my glasses at home for events may actually work out.

Thursday began with dedicating a space for yoga, which I would be having at noon. Cleaning early in the morning had me a bit nauseas. This was partly due to how hot it had become overnight. A few days back it was on the cool side, so I had turned down my air conditioner. It was definitely time to turn it back up! Nothing helped me get back to my normal though and I felt ill for much of the day. Thankfully, this doesn't happen too often, but when it does, it's like I have a fever yet my temperature is fine according to the thermometer. I'll be having cold chills too, yet I don't have a cold or anything. What helped me feel better? A hot bath. On a very high humidex day. I know it makes no sense, but at least I was feeling better. My eyes were sore the whole day from the contacts, so it looks like I'll be needing a different plan.

I was a little nervous having softball in the heat on Friday given how Thursday had gone, but I was feeling a lot better. I spent time hydrating in the hours before the game. During the game, I had a moment, but luckily my captains had brought a cooler and I could grab a piece of ice to fix myself. Also on Friday, I officially launched my newsletter. I almost forgot to. I did all this work on it and almost forgot to ensure it was actually announced instead of softly announced.

Saturday was a BBQ with my goth friends in Vincent Massey Park. We eventually got the food situation in order and it was a good time. At least until we tried to leave. Tap was not working and a lot of people were not figuring out they needed to insert their cards to pay and be able to exit. Eventually, a parks employee came and we got waved through the gates, but that was after 30-60 minutes of being stalled in the parking lot. After dropping friends off, I played some Minecraft.

Affairs of State at The Classic Theatre Festival
On Sunday, I was able to catch up with a derby friend who I hadn't talked to much since the pandemic. At least, I hadn't seen them in person. I had won tickets in June for a matinee performance of Affairs of State at the Classic Theatre Festival and took that friend. The play was a sweet little romantic comedy and it was quite fun. The story is one that I think has likely influenced many that have come after it. It was undoubtedly risqué in the late 1940s. We spent some more time together before they dropped me close to The Flats (Lebreton Flats) for Tegan and Sara where I ran into other friends. It was an excellent performance despite technical issues. I loved getting to see them live, especially for Closer. I'd really like to see them in concert rather than at a festival. It would be longer and more intimate. I had watched High School on Prime in the days before the concert. It's based on their early beginnings. I was feeling quite tired, so I didn't stay for anything else.

My Newsletter!

 

The first issue of my newsletter is live!

Check out my newsletter, Rae's Record for the latest news on my goals, my ADHD journey, a monthly playlist, and special content.

Much more to come as I update my website and really get cracking on my goals like never before ;)

2023 - Week of June 26 to July 2

Image by Tumisu from Pixabay

Announcement! My newsletter drops this week. Subscribe here!

***

Monday was an in-office day. Last week's inability to handle how large my inbox had bloomed in an afternoon was no longer an issue. I got my over 60 messages down to 15. Most of them required some sort of action from me, so I was really pleased with that. I felt a bit queasy heading home as there were a number of people who didn't smell good on transit that afternoon. It reminded me of that summer I worked in fast food.

Tuesday had me less focused, but I got a project moved to the next stage, I posted last week's blog post, and I finished the bulk of my newsletter. Part of me wondered whether or not I should be adding that to my to-do list despite how much was already on my plate, but I also thought it was a good way to mark this life change. As part of that, I was able to get registered to hopefully find a new doctor. I wanted to go with a nurse practitioner, but they aren't covered by OHIP unless they work out of a hospital. They might be the future of health care, but the system hasn't caught onto that yet. Tuesday also had me in pain with a shoulder issue that I tried to tape myself using KT tape. Even the poor taping job was better than nothing, but I had to get a brace. My next game wasn't until July 7th, so I hoped it would be resolved by then.

Wednesday's work was primarily the budget. It's that awful time of the year. I got quite a bit done, but I'm terrible at knowing exactly where I am until I can see the end, so my update was more of an, "I think I'm at this percentage". After work, I got measured for contact lenses and we ordered some trial pairs. At least, I think they are on order. The optomotrist was going to check to be sure that the brand and model he was thinking of would be good for drier eyes. I'm both excited and anxious about this. I am looking forward to playing sports while not having glasses sliding down my face. I won't wear my new glasses to softball. I'm hoping it will improve my performance some as I should see the ball a bit better. I also spent some time reading about my new reality. Some of the content out there is very unhelpful in regards to Inattentive ADHD. Much of it seems like it was written by someone who doesn't actually understand ADHD from the perspective of someone who has it. I do have one book that gives me hope: ADHD Toolkit for Women by Sarah Davis and Linda Hall. I will be speaking to my ADHD diagnosis and that journey regularly in my newsletter.

Thursday was more budget. It's due on Tuesday. I'm almost done and so glad I started my piece in May because I knew roughly when they ask for it every year. I won a T-shirt at Dino Club! That was the highlight of my day. My new office chair came. Yes, I had bought a new one earlier in the year. It was terrible. The arms were held on flimsily and it was ergonomically bad for me. So I put it at my sewing table for now and my new one is a much better fit. If I can find the time to grind the bolt holes on the arms so they slide in further, it will be perfect for supporting my arms. The world makes everything so big and doesn't make it adjust down enough for anyone under 5 foot tall. It's truly annoying. Given that I knew I had the budget going on, I wasn't sure I would be streaming, but I really wanted to. I did for a shorter time than I might have otherwise. It was been a hell of a week. I felt really close to overwhelm with everything that was going on.

Friday was a gauntlet of the final budget items, updating a tendering report, and catching up on all of the things I couldn't manage to do while doing the budget. The evening brought the start of a long weekend that I sorely needed. I needed it to catch up around the house, but also to disconnect from the computer, so I could parse through everything that has been June.

Saturday was Canada Day and I had made no plans beyond stocking up on some cider and Bud Light Lime (a.k.a. the only beer I like). What I really needed was some time off from the world. It's been a lot lately. I spent the bulk of the day relaxing. Especially after someone had decided that 4:30 AM was THE time for shooting off fireworks.

Sunday was "Dino Club," which involved music, The Witcher, and pasta. A typical Sunday for me is watching my friend's music stream on Twitch. Her fans are called The Dinos. We hang out from about noon on and take a break to prep supper. Lately, we've been planning what we'll have for supper while we either play games or watch something together. I find it so helpful. It forces me to go out to the store for the ingredients and to get a few other meals planned out at the same time. Dino Club has also been hugely positive for my mental health. It has been one of those wonderful things to come from the pandemic.

2023 - Week of June 19-25

Another Monday is done. I felt pretty scatter-brained today though I did get some things done like my blog post. The weekend caught up to me and I was quite tired though. I saw the perfect thing for my streaming area and I'm thankful my brother could get it for me. It will really help me clean the area up without having to build something though I'll want to sand and paint it. I spent some of the day working on a new project that I will launch soon: Rae's Record. What is that? See the end of this post for details.*

Tuesday was an in-office day and the day I received my ADHD diagnosis*. As I suspected, I have the primarily Inattentive type of ADHD. That's the one involving daydreaming rather than running around or fidgetting. I also have some learning issues that make things difficult for me. I'm still parsing all of it and there is a lot to learn. After that therapy appointment was done, I hung out with my goth friends for dinner and chatting.

Wednesday was work followed by picking up my new glasses and then Fringe Festival. It had been a while since I had last seen a play and it was nice to get out with my screenwriting alumni friends. The play covered some really tough content: incels. And it was presented in the format of a livestream on stage. As a streamer and a non-binary female (yes, you can be both), there were many times I felt the play was brilliant and hard. It brought up some things from my own dating past that were not pleasant experiences. After this, we went to Level One for a drink. We had planned to also play boardgames, but it didn't end up happening.

Thursday was work, Dani's stream, then my own stream. For a bit, I had been feeling like I might not want to continue streaming. I don't have a lot of visitors and it does take up time during the week that I could be using for dating or for chasing my other goals. But when Thursday came, I was excited to continue streaming Rise of the Tomb Raider. Time will tell on how much longer I do it for, but I'm not ready to give it up just yet.

Friday was a very difficult day at work. I was feeling quite overwhelmed as it's taking me a lot of time to grasp some of my new tasks due to having ADHD. At least I know why, so there are steps I'm taking to handle it. I was also stressed because my trainer is out of the country until next week. I got her to break down all the steps for the task, which helped me immensely! All that combined with the recommendations from my therapist, I decided to change my in-office day to get the extra support I need on the harder items. I was super burned out and felt like I didn't get much done though. Softball couldn't come fast enough. It was a warm summer day, so sweat poured down my back during the warm up, but we had one of our best games yet. Our defense is improving and we won by a fairly large margin. I watched another team finish up their game and chatted with friends before heading to the bar after for a little bit. Then I hung out with my goth friends for a special evening.

I was pretty tired on Saturday, but I did a little bit of work to catch up on the tasks I couldn't manage on Friday. At least until the network decided it wanted the weekend to chill. My Saturday evening plans included a nap and watching a live derby bout in person at Brewer Arena. I never got to the nap, but the derby was fun. I didn't make it through the Pride Scrimmage as the arena was too hot and I hadn't eaten enough, so a headache had me needing to go home back to the air conditioning and the food. But it was so good to get out and see a derby bout again. I caught up with one friend and messaged another after I left, so we could make plans to catch up eventually. There was a unicorn in the crowd:

My Sunday plans were morning errands and then Minecraft. The one server I play on was having an all day build day where we made an amusement park resort area. My piece is a fairly large roller coaster. A friend helped on the sweet jump part where there is track purposely missing.

*More on this in my new monthly newsletter, Rae's Record.