Helene Lerner's Blog, page 138

Pumpkin Carving Gets Creative

Nothing screams autumn like an expertly carved jack-o-lantern. We recently caught up with Hugh McMahon, a pumpkin carver based in New York City, whose creations have been adding a special, seasonal flair to celebrity parties since 1976. We've featured Hugh's pumpkins on WomenWorking in the past and they're always fantastic. Take a look at a few of his masterpieces:  

President Barack Obama (left) and Mitt Romney (right)

Lynda Resnick, entrepreneur and co-owner
of POM Wonderful, Fiji Water and other brands

Heidi Klein, model

For more information, contact Hugh at 718 625 6171.

 

Boot Bible for this Fall Fashion Season

Yes, it’s October! Farewell to summer nights, swim parties and barbeques; hello to changing leaves, hot apple cider and fantastic styles for the season. Getting yourself in gear for the weather doesn’t have to be a daunting task. This season promises to give life to your dull wardrobe with many options from head to toe, literally.  Boots are a staple in basic need in cold weather wear but it doesn’t only have to be functional. Fashion is boots this season is wide and deep so I decided to create a guide to help you find what boots are in trend, how best to wear them and which may work best for you and what you have in your closet . Think of it as sort of a Boot Bible. Remember always try to buy boots that can be appropriate for both work and play. 

OVER THE KNEE BOOTS: It’s been seen for years and worn by famous actresses as far back as Julia Roberts on Pretty Woman but recently brought back to popularity. This style boot is not for everyone; mainly for the fashionably fearless with great, toned legs. They work well with a short mini skirt, large oversized sweater that wears more like a tunic or leggings.

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THE KNEE BOOT: This most commonly worn height boot works best with styles that slightly graze the knee.  It’s functional and fashionable, and comes in a variety of heel styles from kittens to stilettos and every height in between. It’s the perfect height boot to pair with knee-length dresses and coats.

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MID-LENGTH BOOT: This is just as it states. It hits somewhere between the knee and the ankle. This boot is a classic that will last you this season and many more.  It’s best paired with feminine skirts and dresses. This may work best for petite women, who can appear shorter when wearing  knee-length boots.

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ANKLE BOOT: This ultra-versatile shoe boot is wildly popular in all price points. It’s a staple for your wardrobe like the little black dress. You can wear this shoe with just about anything! 

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THE BOOTIE:  Very similar to the ankle boot however it just hits below the ankle. This too can be paired with almost any look. The difference between the bootie and ankle boot is very slight. Try both on and choose the one that looks best on your leg; some higher booties like the ankle boot can cut off the appearance of a long leg. This boot pairs well with everything from jeans to skirts with tights.

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THE WEDGE: Personally, this is one of my favorite types of footwear! It’s a hybrid of a heel and a flat but you get the benefit of height without the agony of wearing a high heel all day….best of both worlds in my book. Another plus is it makes your foot appear smaller.  Style it with skinny jeans or a flirty mini.

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-Pamela Watson, celebrity stylist who currently works as the trend expert for Builders of Style, where she prepares A-list clients for red carpet events, music videos, concerts and award shows.

You Can Heal Your Life

“You can heal your life.” That was the message of best-selling author and speaker Louise Hay and the title of her first book—which was really just a pamphlet at the time. When I first came across her book, I was a psychotherapist in private practice and was always reading, listening to audios and going to professional trainings so I could better help my clients—and improve my own life.

But what did Louise Hay know? She wasn’t a therapist and was never “trained professionally” in psychology or counseling. So, how much could she know about the human condition or how to deal with pain in life? Turns out, she knew a lot. Let’s take a look at just the title of her book and see what that simple message really means:

You can Heal your life: Yes, I know some people seem to have lived a charmed life and “have it all together.” We put on a good front and project our best selves, but the truth is we’ve all crashed and burned in some way. We all have our challenges, however different they might be. Recognizing our need to heal is the beginning of the growth and transformation process—denial only delays our progress.

You can heal Your life: Your life is in your own hands. If we want a life of passion, fulfillment and “success,” we have to own that it is up to us. We may want others to change but, ultimately, we can only change ourselves. My life is my responsibility to do with as I will. There will always be people who love us and who are willing to help us get what we want, but they can’t get it for us. Each one of us has our own work to do in our transformation process and only we can do it.

You Can heal your life: It’s easy to be swayed by all the negativity around us and to be hypnotized by our circumstances. Growing up, we learn to think more in terms of limitations, problems and weaknesses than possibilities, solutions and strengths. Yet, somewhere within us is that enticing voice that invites us to think in terms of “Yes, I Can!” I can dream, I can believe and I can act on what I dream and believe. It's in our power to make change happen. Don’t ever let someone tell you what you “can’t” do—focus on what you can do and get started. Doors will open, resources will appear and soon, your “can” will become your reality.

-Alan Allard, Leadership Coach/Life Coach
www.alanallard.com

You Are Enough

It's always good to  have a reminder that we are enough and that we do enough! Enjoy our quote video.

Create Brand "You" to Claim Your Accomplishments

Do you work hard, solve problems, spot opportunities and drive results at work? If so, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you are what every company is looking for. The bad news? If you don’t speak up and claim your ideas, input and contributions, someone else will be happy to grab the credit.
 
Over the years, many of my female clients have told me that they aren’t as bold as they would like to be or as quick to “market” themselves. And make no mistake about it, you are in the marketing business and are building your personal brand—what we used to call reputation.
 
The question is, “How powerful is your brand?” Who knows about your achievements, contributions and value? Only those you communicate with, plainly and courageously. Recognition, rewards and promotions aren’t remembered as often as instances when you’ve asserted yourself.
 
You might think it’s your manager’s or colleague’s job to recognize you and to give you due credit—and in a perfect world you would have a point. But in reality, if you don’t promote yourself, you are just giving your power away. Can you afford to do that?
 
Women, in general, tend to be more collaborative and “we” oriented while men tend to be more competitive and “I” oriented. If you fit that generalization, you don’t have to go to the dark side, claiming all the credit and forgetting about everyone else. But if you fail to take credit for your contributions--in the name of being a part of the team--the team will gladly take what's yours.
 
To be remembered by the right people means you have to be seen and heard. You have to value yourself enough to speak up and own the credit you are due. After all, that's why we call it Brand "You."

-Alan Allared, Career Coach

One Woman Takes a Powerful Stand

We recently spoke with Sandra Kim, founder of Everyday Feminism, an online magazine and community dedicated to combating gender stereotypes. Sandra also has professional experience in the non-profit sector, where she worked to support victims of violence and abuse.

What in your own life encouraged you to launch Everyday Feminism?

I found myself talking with a lot of people who haven’t directly experienced abuse or discrimination and have no idea that it occurs so frequently. So there was clearly a need for a place to discuss these issues. And an online platform provides a safe space where people can find support and open up, when they might not feel comfortable doing so with friends or family members.

When you launched Everyday Feminism, your background was in the non-profit sector – you didn’t have experience with online media. What advice would you give to those who hope to start a business or make a career change?

I’m a big proponent of doing the unconventional. I’m from Washington, D.C. and I moved to the mountains of West Virginia – not the most obvious choice.

Be sure to listen to the needs of the people you’re serving – try not to get caught up in your own preconceptions about what they need.  Get advice from people who have done it before, but know that you’ll need to adapt their input to fit your own process and goals.

You believe that personal growth and societal growth are interlinked. What do you feel is the connection?

People aren’t often taught how to stand up to negative messages they receive from others and the media – so they internalize those messages and criticize themselves. It’s difficult to engage in the effort to overturn those power dynamics if you don’t believe that you deserve to be treated with respect. But when you work on your own growth and get to the point where you want change for yourself, then you’re more likely to support others going through the same thing and even get involved in larger initiatives.

How do we teach our girls and boys that they don’t need to buy into gender stereotypes?

Our goal isn’t to deposit our view of the world onto someone else. When it comes to children, our goal should be to help them develop critical thinking. To teach them to consciously ask themselves whether they believe the messages they’re being bombarded with – in most cases, of course, they won’t.

-Sarah Cooke

Lady Day on Broadway

Last night I saw Lady Day. For any Billie Holiday fans, you will appreciate the music and the amazing performance of Dee Dee Bridgewater. Your eyes are riveted on the actor/singer for the whole two hours.

In the midst of the wonderful music, the play takes a look at Billie’s tormented life, however, these interludes are awkwardly integrated. And at times, I felt I was at a concert, rather than a theatrical performance.

All in all, it was an enjoyable few hours listening to a very talented performer sing some old favorites.

How to Succeed by Negotiating With Yourself

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While negotiating effectively with others is often key to reaching our goals, the most important negotiations we have — the ones that determine the quality of our lives and the impact of our actions — are the ones we have with ourselves. 

This entails balancing the needs and wishes of the different parts of your personality and psyche. A new book that was released last week, Winning from Within: A Breakthrough Method for Leading, Living and Lasting Change,  by Erica Ariel Fox, outlines four distinct parts of ourselves that we must work with.  She calls them the “Big Four.”  They are our:

Dreamer -- The visionary, creative part of us. This helps us set direction.

Thinker -- Analyzes evidence, pros and cons and enables us to reflect.

Lover -- That part of us that feels, experiences empathy and compassion and makes relationships successful.

Warrior -- Our practical side that provides us with courage to accomplish our ambitious goals and protects us by setting boundaries and handling conflict. 

These parts make up our inner team, with strengths and skills that enable us to navigate our life’s journey.  Her advice is to become aware of how you operate with all four.  We often favor one and allow others take a back burner in our thinking and decisions.  All four are important and increase our self-effectiveness.

There are many other interesting insights in the book worth reading.

-Andrea Zintz, Career Coach

Three Steps You Need to Take to Succeed

If you’re an athlete, no one has to convince you of the value of a good coach. You know you need the feedback, direction and inspiration that an effective coach can provide. But can you learn to be your own coach? Yes, and here are three tips to get you started:

Know what you want: One of the first things a great coach is going to ask you is, “What do you want?” It seems like a simple question but that doesn’t mean it’s an easy one. What we want often is found buried beneath our fears and our “should’s” and “have to’s.” Be courageous -- dig deeply enough to get past your fears and discover what you really want.

Coaching Assignment: Start a master list of the major areas of your life and write down everything you want in each area. Later, go back and rate how important each item is, giving them from one to five stars, with five being, “I really, really want this.”

Build your confidence: Think about a goal or a dream you would love to achieve and experience but haven’t been taking action on. What’s stopping you?  Some would tell you, “If you really wanted it, you’d find a way to get it.” Not true. What’s more likely is you’re afraid you don’t have what it takes to succeed so you procrastinate.

Coaching Assignment: Share your goal with a trusted friend and ask them if they think you have the ability to achieve your goal or dream. If they say yes, ask them to help you identify the strengths and skills they see in you that are necessary for reaching your goal -- that will build your confidence. Also ask them if there are some gaps in what you need to succeed and what strengths and skills you already have -- then determine if you can close that gap.

Take action: One of the surest ways to get past our fears is to take action despite them.  What steps can you take to get more of what you want? Start with something small that you have the confidence to tackle. For instance, if you have been dreaming of writing a book, begin with creating the title or crafting a simple outline with just the chapter titles. If you dream of being an actor, sign up for an acting class or get involved with a community theater -- just get started. Once you get moving, you’ll have the positive energy to take another step and then another.

Coaching Assignment:  Write down a stretch goal on a piece of paper or type it on your computer. Then come up with the first ten things you can do that will move you closer towards your dream. Next, pick the easiest step to implement and do it. Once that’s done, choose the next easiest step to take and so forth—you’ll be amazed at how far you can go and how much fun it will be.
 
-Alan Allard, Career Coach

One Foot In Front of the Other

We were given this wonderful story and wanted to share it with you.

“Daring” is an adjective usually reserved for a very specific kind of person: someone who throws caution to the wind, skipping responsibilities for adventure to prove their courageousness. But to be daring is not just to embrace danger behind a flamboyant façade of bravery – it is to challenge everyone’s expectations of you by creating your own path and sticking to it, especially when obstacles arise. To be truly daring is not just about taking risks; it’s about letting go of what you know in order to learn or gain something new. Every time you dare yourself to do something, you do it at the risk of losing something else.

One woman in particular embodies everything I would positively define as “daring” – my oldest friend, Hannah. Our fathers had been best friends since the age of eight, and as I was born only six months after her, we were absolutely inseparable from the start. I can remember crawling around on the floor with her and her siblings (all six of them), pretending we were animals from The Lion King. We played this game far past our toddler years, partly because we enjoyed it so much and partly because we could do things like that with Hannah. I didn’t realize it for so long, but as I grew up, it became clear – Hannah couldn’t walk.

My mother eventually explained to me that Hannah was born very prematurely and has cerebral palsy that primarily affects her legs. I remember her siblings and I always wanted to use her walker since we thought it was a play toy that only Hannah got to have; after all, Hannah is very special. She was always the smartest and sweetest one, and could keep up with me better than my friends who didn’t have walkers. In middle school, Hannah came with me to every single dance. I’m not going to lie – some people stared. But Hannah never stopped dancing, and let me tell you – she’s a fantastic dancer. She’s so good that she has participated in two stage productions a year for the past 10 years. She’s managed not just to keep up with me in my walking-oriented activities, but she has actually accomplished more than me in a lot of different areas of life.

Hannah’s incredible stamina and charismatic attitude isn’t what is especially daring about her. The thing that makes Hannah the most daring woman I know is that Hannah is 21 and she is learning how to walk. One day recently in her living room, Hannah released her hands from her walker’s handles and proceeded to take steps. It was just a few before she eventually fell, but Hannah dared herself to defy her physical condition and let go to the actual structure that has kept her upright for 20 years. She steps knowing she will fall, but that’s what makes her so daring – she’s not afraid of what could go wrong, she’s only focused on what will go right. She dares to make herself a miracle.

-Sara DeNault