Bijesh Nagesh's Blog, page 71

Cuddling...

Without saying a word, how do you tell your lover you don't feel like cuddling right now? Just scroll through Instagram and when she asks you what you're doing, you simply say, "Just observing the humans, babe." She'll leave you alone after that. You'll never see her again, that's for sure, but at least you can go back to observing the humans in peace.

Truth Seeker...

The Truth is always somewhere. If you can't find it on the surface, look under it instead. If you still can't find it, remember that 'under surface' can mean under the earth or under the water. Learn to dig or swim where needed. Otherwise your attempts to shovel an ocean or to dive into the soil will only get you inducted into the Looney Tunes hall of fame.

Heels...

Whoever designed heels for women must have seen a short woman trying her best to reach something on a high shelf. Rather enjoying the view, said visionary must have sat down to design shoes that replicated the arch of her feet, legs, and body as she almost grabbed hold of the object of her focus. Until she ended up uttering a series of swear words and, turning to the only other person in the room, yelled, "Whatchyoo starin' at, you fool, come help me already!", and then whispered more expletives under her breath for being born short.

Hypocrisy...

Hypocrisy is such a bizarre thing. When a father smokes but commands his son not to do so. When an unhappy wife forces her daughter to marry, saying she'll be happy afterwards. When a boy says, "Love you, baby" only because he's afraid to feel lonely. When a girl says, "Only you, darling" but has no intention of nurturing the relationship. When a baby cries and keeps his parents up all night but threatens to cry again if they make the slightest noise. When a dog only looks at you as its master if you have treats in hand ready to throw at it. When a cat only arches along your leg and purrs because it wants to be pampered. When the Earth is habitable and makes life possible only to feed off death as lifeforms perish and return to the soil. Hypocrisy is such a bizarre thing, because it's so intolerably natural.

An Evergreen Tragedy

There once was a man with desire,
For women of all shades of colour,
When caught by his spouse,
He said to her real nice, and in their own house,
"Hon, I don't make the rules, I just play the game."
He died the same day, along with any fame,
Among his friends whom were all married,
And each of whom now tarried,
When they looked at their own wives,
Saw knives in their bejewelled eyes,
And decided twas safer to shower with kisses,
The woman they each married, and called missus.

Buried...

When a Climate Change protestor suddenly, for no rhyme or reason, and armed with little to no statistics or sense, started to blame Archaeologists for digging up the past and therefore releasing carbon locked in the soil, the Archaeologists teamed up did the one thing they never trained for, they buried the protestor.

"Shock-oh-laat-uh" ...

The first time they made chocolate and served it to the Queen, her eyes went wide with child-like delight. She gasped and said, "What is this? It tastes magnificent. Better than s*x."
The French chocolatier-chef gave Her Majesty a brief intro on the dessert's South American origins and said it was 'Chocolate', even pronounced it with a French flourish,
"Shock-oh-laat-uh."
The queen, dizzy and dazed from the taste, raised her seventh spoonful of dripping melting chocolate to her lips, moaned from the pleasure of it and said, "It even sounds better than s*x."
The king hid behind his newspaper and refused to make eye contact with his royal consort throughout the train ride from Paris to Berlin.

The Samurai...

A disgraced samurai left his home and land and went in search of absolution. When people asked him what he was doing so far from his home and duties, he told them a dark story filled with dire experiences. "I have led an ignoble life. All I seek now is a noble death." He told so many people the story that he could mumble it in his sleep. Then one day, many years later, when he lay dying in a foreign land, with only the trees attending his funeral, a magical creature flew over to him in the form of a beautiful woman aglow with grace. "Tell me, samurai, what brought you so far from home and duty?" The samurai repeated his story if only one last time. "I have led an ignoble life. All I seek now is a noble death." The fairy of the woods whispered in his mortal ear, "Whatever the end you seek, samurai, know that death will find you when the time is right. when death alone feels you are ready to enter his realm. Seek anything you want in life, but don't waste time pursuing the 'great passing'. As sure as the sharpness of your katana, death has the sole privilege of finding life, not the other way around. you don't command a god to serve, samurai. That's your job." The fairy placed a hand on the samurai's forehead and guided his soul as it parted from his physical form.

Fever Pill...

They should make a self-administering vaccine or over-the-counter pill that induces or causes fever. One day's fever (intense but controlled) can burn so much body fat. I'm surprised we haven't started exploiting this biological loophole.

Money...

When it comes to politics, money always wins the majority vote.