David Gustafson's Blog: Bonjour Amigos!, page 7
August 26, 2018
Neil Simon
Playwright Neil Simon died today at age 91. He made his Broadway debut in 1961 with Come Blow Your Horn. No one would be stepping out on a limb by mentioning that the author of Barefoot in the Park, The Odd Couple, Plaza Suite, Promises, Promises, Last of the Red Hot Lovers, The Sunshine Boys etc, etc etc has bequeathed the world a treasure of culture and comedy that will long outlive the unfortunate memories of Presidents LBJ, Nixon, Ford, Reagan, Bush, Clinton, Bush, Obama and Trump. Oh, BTW, the world's media wankers are honking their horns with a bunch of front page spittle about another very forgettable politician who died yesterday at age 81. You will find Simon's obit on the back pages.
August 16, 2018
Double Mourning
Aretha Franklin, the talented Queen of Soul has passed away while Madonna turned 60 today and is still churning out her music video shtick. We are so sad on both accounts.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KtBby...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KtBby...
August 15, 2018
The Puff of Pink Piddle Hat Trick
The only saving grace possessed by His Hindness, The Donald, is that he drives the PC media wankers absolutely bat-shit crazy while simultaneously distracting the FBI police state goony birds from servicing their true masters outside of the bureau.
It is pure magic. There is nothing quite so entertaining as to witness the yellow puss of political correctness popping out of the ears of the wankers at the NYT, WaPo and CNN every hour, on the hour.
The only improvement would be if Quacky magically snapped his fingers and he, the PC media wankers and the entire FBI police state simultaneously disappeared into a puff of pink piddle. That would be the hat trick for the ages!
We could all survive with Mike Pence until things sorted themselves out, could we not?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y7lmA...
It is pure magic. There is nothing quite so entertaining as to witness the yellow puss of political correctness popping out of the ears of the wankers at the NYT, WaPo and CNN every hour, on the hour.
The only improvement would be if Quacky magically snapped his fingers and he, the PC media wankers and the entire FBI police state simultaneously disappeared into a puff of pink piddle. That would be the hat trick for the ages!
We could all survive with Mike Pence until things sorted themselves out, could we not?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y7lmA...
August 14, 2018
#2 Advice@ScriptoriumLudi
This is the second installment in our new advice column featuring the wisdom of his nibs, the even-handed calligrapher, Brother Ludi.
Today, Sister Bettina from The Chapel of the Divine Patchwork Quilt is caught in the tangled web of misogyny and racism that is rap and hip hop and America.
************************************************
Dear Brother Ludi,
My heart is weary with a two-part question that has been bothering me for some time.
1. Can a feminist listen to the ghetto-smack jabberwocky of rap and hip hop without becoming a tacit, if not a flaming, misogynist?
2. If, on the other hand, she chooses not to take her solemn vows as a ghetto-smack misogynist, is she just another racist ho?
Blessing and kisses,
Sister Bettina
Chapel of the Divine Patchwork Quilt
***************************************************
Dear Sister Bettina,
The answers to your questions actually belong to two very different realms. We are used to those sorts of questions, are we not?
Modern Politically Correct Astrologers have long been considering this conundrum for public consumption. Their Holy Augurs have been divining the rancid entrails of thousands of dead, organic vegetables for the sacred answer to these two mysteries that plague your heart.
We all know how evil a misogynist is, but the problem confronting the holy Augurs inhabiting the PC Aurora Borealis boiled down to this intellectual collision: how bad can an evil misogynist really be if he is an evil black man who has been oppressed in America for over two hundred years, (even if he is only twenty-five-years-old)?
Therefore, on the advice of the Holy Augurs, The College of Politically Correct Astrologers granted full dispensation to rap and hip hop misogynists as long as they are black.
The Astrologer's Holy PC Bull entitles rap and hip hop misogynists to compete for Grammy and AMA awards as well as to appear daily in all of the PC media outlets for public praise and worship.
That is the answer to your question from the nation's Politically Correct Astrologers.
On more common ground, the answers to your questions, Sister Bettina, are simply, no and no.
XXXxx*O*xxXXX
(like my angel?)
BL
Today, Sister Bettina from The Chapel of the Divine Patchwork Quilt is caught in the tangled web of misogyny and racism that is rap and hip hop and America.
************************************************
Dear Brother Ludi,
My heart is weary with a two-part question that has been bothering me for some time.
1. Can a feminist listen to the ghetto-smack jabberwocky of rap and hip hop without becoming a tacit, if not a flaming, misogynist?
2. If, on the other hand, she chooses not to take her solemn vows as a ghetto-smack misogynist, is she just another racist ho?
Blessing and kisses,
Sister Bettina
Chapel of the Divine Patchwork Quilt
***************************************************
Dear Sister Bettina,
The answers to your questions actually belong to two very different realms. We are used to those sorts of questions, are we not?
Modern Politically Correct Astrologers have long been considering this conundrum for public consumption. Their Holy Augurs have been divining the rancid entrails of thousands of dead, organic vegetables for the sacred answer to these two mysteries that plague your heart.
We all know how evil a misogynist is, but the problem confronting the holy Augurs inhabiting the PC Aurora Borealis boiled down to this intellectual collision: how bad can an evil misogynist really be if he is an evil black man who has been oppressed in America for over two hundred years, (even if he is only twenty-five-years-old)?
Therefore, on the advice of the Holy Augurs, The College of Politically Correct Astrologers granted full dispensation to rap and hip hop misogynists as long as they are black.
The Astrologer's Holy PC Bull entitles rap and hip hop misogynists to compete for Grammy and AMA awards as well as to appear daily in all of the PC media outlets for public praise and worship.
That is the answer to your question from the nation's Politically Correct Astrologers.
On more common ground, the answers to your questions, Sister Bettina, are simply, no and no.
XXXxx*O*xxXXX
(like my angel?)
BL
August 13, 2018
Advice@ScriptoriumLudi/BonjourAmigos! #1
Bonjour Amigos! subscribers, we are proud to announce that today is the world premiere of our worldly advice column, Advice@ScriptoriumLudi featuring none other than that even-handed calligrapher, Brother Ludi.
******************************************************
Dear Brother Ludi,
Fake news, fake Presidents, fake money, fake music, fake butter, fake beer, fake men and fake women! What ever happened to Grace Kelly and Gary Cooper?
Thanx bunches
Seriously?
******************************************************
Dear Seriously?,
Seriously, how old are you? But remember this, brother, you are not forsaken!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A4a_1...
Bunches back attcha!
BL
******************************************************
Dear Brother Ludi,
Fake news, fake Presidents, fake money, fake music, fake butter, fake beer, fake men and fake women! What ever happened to Grace Kelly and Gary Cooper?
Thanx bunches
Seriously?
******************************************************
Dear Seriously?,
Seriously, how old are you? But remember this, brother, you are not forsaken!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A4a_1...
Bunches back attcha!
BL
August 6, 2018
Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg and Arjen Lubach...Arjen who?
GR is my only social media. I have never signed onto Facebook, although at first, I thought it was a brilliant idea for keeping extended families and a few close friends connected to everyday events.
Facebook has since evolved into quite a different monster of success, maybe even, a very sinister monster.
Arjen Lubach is a Dutch satirist. His "Sunday With Lubach" is the sort of uncompromising satire one has never, ever, seen on the American boob tube. Here is a captioned 17 minute show with Arjen's take on Facebook and its "weirdo" founder, Mark Zuckerberg.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ysa-S...
After you compare this brilliant piece to the sorry-ass American boob tube shtickt that bombards the airwaves 24/7, quietly remind yourself that this is television without any blaring advertisements targeting the troglodyte half-wits who drink rice-water beer and feed their kids the dog barf burgers from Mickey D's.
Maybe Inspector Robert Mueller and the FBI police state goony birds should begin looking into Facebook rather than chasing after the notorious Russian Bigfoot Meddler trying to influence social media half-wits?
Since I have never signed-on to Facebook, I will be joining Arjen's protest in spirit.
Facebook has since evolved into quite a different monster of success, maybe even, a very sinister monster.
Arjen Lubach is a Dutch satirist. His "Sunday With Lubach" is the sort of uncompromising satire one has never, ever, seen on the American boob tube. Here is a captioned 17 minute show with Arjen's take on Facebook and its "weirdo" founder, Mark Zuckerberg.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ysa-S...
After you compare this brilliant piece to the sorry-ass American boob tube shtickt that bombards the airwaves 24/7, quietly remind yourself that this is television without any blaring advertisements targeting the troglodyte half-wits who drink rice-water beer and feed their kids the dog barf burgers from Mickey D's.
Maybe Inspector Robert Mueller and the FBI police state goony birds should begin looking into Facebook rather than chasing after the notorious Russian Bigfoot Meddler trying to influence social media half-wits?
Since I have never signed-on to Facebook, I will be joining Arjen's protest in spirit.
August 4, 2018
The Tweet Meister Tries Some B-ball!
One day, history will thank President Daffy Quack Quack for bringing the American presidency down to the level of basketball where it can finally be understood by the average American half-wit hermetically sealed to the boob tube.
Hopefully, that basketball nerd, Barry Dogg Obama, blessed be His name, will step out from his transgender restroom to enter the fray between the Quacky tweet machine and Mister LeBron James who will earn 35.6 million dollars next year for bouncing a basketball with the Los Angeles Lakers.
Quack Quack, LeBron James and Barry Dogg. Now that might be a three-dimensional chess game where Saint Barry Dogg could claim victory simply by drawing another red line in the sand. Barry Dogg's latest red line would also be far enough out of range so that nasty dude, Bashar al-Assad, could not pee all over it sending a couple million Syrian refugees scurrying into unwelcoming lands. Thank you, Saint Barry Dogg, blessed be Your name. Thank you for changing the boring face of Europe by your cowardice.
Barry Dogg's presence would also ignite the hysterical PC Holy Rollers across the sacred aurora borealis of academia into providing a sufficient background roar of fan approval for his ever-smiling endeavors. However, it might just distract some of the more valuable PC astrologers frantically assisting Inspector Robert Mueller of the FBI police state with his unrelenting search for the notorious Russian Bigfoot Meddler.
All of this latest tweet excitement might also inspire Pilloried Hillary and Steven Spielberg with the development of their newly announced television series being sponsored by Billy Willy Dilly's vibrating cigars that play "Hail to the Chief" when unwrapped for a little sex play in the Oval Office.
Such is American culture these days. Such is the level of the American Presidency. Thank you, President Daffy Quack Quack for bringing it all into a proper perspective.
Hopefully, that basketball nerd, Barry Dogg Obama, blessed be His name, will step out from his transgender restroom to enter the fray between the Quacky tweet machine and Mister LeBron James who will earn 35.6 million dollars next year for bouncing a basketball with the Los Angeles Lakers.
Quack Quack, LeBron James and Barry Dogg. Now that might be a three-dimensional chess game where Saint Barry Dogg could claim victory simply by drawing another red line in the sand. Barry Dogg's latest red line would also be far enough out of range so that nasty dude, Bashar al-Assad, could not pee all over it sending a couple million Syrian refugees scurrying into unwelcoming lands. Thank you, Saint Barry Dogg, blessed be Your name. Thank you for changing the boring face of Europe by your cowardice.
Barry Dogg's presence would also ignite the hysterical PC Holy Rollers across the sacred aurora borealis of academia into providing a sufficient background roar of fan approval for his ever-smiling endeavors. However, it might just distract some of the more valuable PC astrologers frantically assisting Inspector Robert Mueller of the FBI police state with his unrelenting search for the notorious Russian Bigfoot Meddler.
All of this latest tweet excitement might also inspire Pilloried Hillary and Steven Spielberg with the development of their newly announced television series being sponsored by Billy Willy Dilly's vibrating cigars that play "Hail to the Chief" when unwrapped for a little sex play in the Oval Office.
Such is American culture these days. Such is the level of the American Presidency. Thank you, President Daffy Quack Quack for bringing it all into a proper perspective.
August 2, 2018
Which Is Funnier???
Which is a funnier parody of America?
1. President Daffy Quack Quack quacking and tweeting nonsense about state policy?
2. CNN, the hysterical crucible of everything PC, boiling over 24/7 to indoctrinate the obedient snowflakes and pajama boys impatiently waiting in line with asbestos gloves for the latest orders from headquarters?
3. Inspector Robert Mueller and the FBI police state with their unrelenting search for that Russian Bigfoot Meddler secretly influencing the public opinion of social media half-wits from somewhere in the woods of the Pacific Northwest?
4. Meghan Markle?
1. President Daffy Quack Quack quacking and tweeting nonsense about state policy?
2. CNN, the hysterical crucible of everything PC, boiling over 24/7 to indoctrinate the obedient snowflakes and pajama boys impatiently waiting in line with asbestos gloves for the latest orders from headquarters?
3. Inspector Robert Mueller and the FBI police state with their unrelenting search for that Russian Bigfoot Meddler secretly influencing the public opinion of social media half-wits from somewhere in the woods of the Pacific Northwest?
4. Meghan Markle?
July 27, 2018
More #metoo Hush Money Threatens President Daffy Quack Quack
Mr. Mueller and the FBI police state better hurry-up and come back with some hard, photographic evidence in their long and tedious search for the Russian Bigfoot Meddler because the #metoo babes are fast closing in on our turd squeak President #3.
As Bonjour Amigos subscribers already know, #2 turd squeak is Barry Dogg Obama while the #1 turd squeak of recent memory is the war criminal, Whacky Bush Doodles.
If these new #metoo babes succeed, this will make the very excitable PC pajama boys put down their video games and wiggle their fat toes in their pink slippers.
However, the PC holy rollers should be warned in advance that if they, along with the FBI police state, succeed in their valiant quest to dethrone Daffy Quack Quack, Pilloried Hillary will not be "re-elected" and move into the White House.
Sorry, PC holy rollers, Mr. Pence will succeed to the big outhouse throne on Pennsylvania Avenue that has hosted so many turd squeak maggots before him.
As a brief refresher course, here is a 15 minute sneak preview of America's last big boy President addressing the American people as both adults and his equal before the long reign of turd squeaks assumed the throne and took over The White House for over half-a-century:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7gahL...
As Bonjour Amigos subscribers already know, #2 turd squeak is Barry Dogg Obama while the #1 turd squeak of recent memory is the war criminal, Whacky Bush Doodles.
If these new #metoo babes succeed, this will make the very excitable PC pajama boys put down their video games and wiggle their fat toes in their pink slippers.
However, the PC holy rollers should be warned in advance that if they, along with the FBI police state, succeed in their valiant quest to dethrone Daffy Quack Quack, Pilloried Hillary will not be "re-elected" and move into the White House.
Sorry, PC holy rollers, Mr. Pence will succeed to the big outhouse throne on Pennsylvania Avenue that has hosted so many turd squeak maggots before him.
As a brief refresher course, here is a 15 minute sneak preview of America's last big boy President addressing the American people as both adults and his equal before the long reign of turd squeaks assumed the throne and took over The White House for over half-a-century:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7gahL...
July 24, 2018
Coroner's Report: Self-inflicted Lobotomy
Old classmates were so disheartened to learn that our jovial high school friend had passed away from a self-inflicted lobotomy that they inquired if I would personally investigate this unexpected tragedy a little further since the coroner's office is next door to a biker bar I used to frequent back in my bad-boy days.
Stepping outside the morgue room, the balding, rather congenial pathologist removed his rubber gloves and wiped his brow.
"Jimmy was an old friend," I explained, catching an unfortunate glimpse of a shrouded body reposing stiffly on a table.
"I see," he nodded. "It was the television that did it. Television is the leading cause of self-inflicted lobotomies in America."
"Was it the regular programming or the advertisements?"
"Usually it is a combination of the unrelenting dopiness of both."
"You will get no argument from me on that count, Doc."
"Was he a sports fan?"
"Jimmy was a sports maniac. Anything from football to golf to ping pong to water skiing."
"Then it was the advertisements. Regular television programming is aimed at your everyday morons who have given up on their precious inheritance of time. Sports advertising targets the certified, nose-picking imbeciles who should have been institutionalized years ago."
"Once upon a time, Jimmy read books and took his dog for walks in the woods. Then the dog died."
"No wonder he gave up on life so young," concluded the pathologist, sadly shaking his head for about the millionth time.
Stepping outside the morgue room, the balding, rather congenial pathologist removed his rubber gloves and wiped his brow.
"Jimmy was an old friend," I explained, catching an unfortunate glimpse of a shrouded body reposing stiffly on a table.
"I see," he nodded. "It was the television that did it. Television is the leading cause of self-inflicted lobotomies in America."
"Was it the regular programming or the advertisements?"
"Usually it is a combination of the unrelenting dopiness of both."
"You will get no argument from me on that count, Doc."
"Was he a sports fan?"
"Jimmy was a sports maniac. Anything from football to golf to ping pong to water skiing."
"Then it was the advertisements. Regular television programming is aimed at your everyday morons who have given up on their precious inheritance of time. Sports advertising targets the certified, nose-picking imbeciles who should have been institutionalized years ago."
"Once upon a time, Jimmy read books and took his dog for walks in the woods. Then the dog died."
"No wonder he gave up on life so young," concluded the pathologist, sadly shaking his head for about the millionth time.
