David Vienna's Blog, page 226
July 7, 2015
Things Available At Papyrus Stores
Greeting cards
Home décor itemsMy book
I assume it’s the most offensively named item in their stores, unless they sell “Go Fuck Yourself” wrapping paper.
Latest Parenting Trend: The CTFD Method
I’m not kidding, a few days ago I saw an article about how downtime is good for your kids. This morning, I saw another article in another online publication about how downtime harms kids.
Looks like people need to read this again…
I know many people want to stay current with the latest parenting trends—attachment parenting, minimalist parenting, Tiger Mother parenting, et al. Well, I’ve stumbled upon a new technique that will guarantee your child grows up to be an exemplary student and citizen. It’s called CTFD, which stands for “Calm The Fuck Down.” And that’s not a message to give your kids. It’s for you.
Using CTFD assures you that — whichever way you choose to parent — your child will be fine (as long as you don’t abuse them, of course). To see it in action, here are some sample parenting scenarios and how CTFD can be employed:
Worried your friend’s child has mastered the alphabet quicker than your child? Calm the fuck down.
Scared you’re not imparting the wisdom your child will need to survive in school and beyond? Calm the fuck down.
Concerned that you’re not the type of parent you thought you’d be? Calm the fuck down.
Upset that your child doesn’t show interest in certain areas of learning? Calm the fuck down.
Stressed that your child exhibits behavior in public you find embarrassing? Calm the fuck down.Yes, using the CTFD method, you’ll find the pressure lifted and realize your child loves you no matter what, even if they’ve yet to master the alphabet. You’ll also learn that whether or not you’re the best parent in the world, as long as you love your child, they’ll think you are and that’s what matters. Plus, CTFD makes you immune to those that prey upon the fears of new parents, like pseudoscientists and parenting authors.
To use CTFD, just follow these simple steps:
Calm the fuck down.
There is no second step.So, ignore all those other parenting trends and stick to CTFD. You’ll be glad you did and so will your kid.
July 6, 2015
eonline:
“Yeah, you suddenly feel the inexorable amount of time...
“Yeah, you suddenly feel the inexorable amount of time go by. There’s nothing that ages
you faster than having a kid, and that’s not because you wake up in the
middle of the night every five seconds because someone’s got to shit
themselves—it’s really because you’re looking at this person and time is
just flying by, like how is it possible that you’re already half a year
old? And when most people are given at best 90 of these years on
this planet, you start to look at it like that, it freaks you out a
little bit. You start to make the most of the time you have with this
person.”-Ryan Reynolds reveals what freaks him out most about parenthood
Bust Your Ass
You want to know the best parenting lesson I’ve learned? (Aside from CTFD, obvs.)
You need to bust your ass. All the time.
Tired? Stressed? Struggling to make ends meet? Welcome to parenting. Hell, welcome to life in general.
The thing is, as parents, we have a life or lives for which we must care. So, be tired, be stressed, struggle financially. But also, bust your ass. Never be satisfied with things as they are. Learn, reach, strive, excel. Show your kids that you’ll never stop fighting for them.
Yes, we’re all exhausted all the time and mustering the energy or courage to do battle with the day may seem impossible, but we should keep looking for ways to make our lives better—even if that happens incrementally—because that makes our kids’ lives better.
So, find time to rest, and then…
Bust. Your. Ass.
July 4, 2015
Happy Independence Day!
Happy Independence Day!
For Independence Day, we’re watching a film about a band...
For Independence Day, we’re watching a film about a band of revolutionaries who fought for freedom against an empire of guys with British accents.
Me and Wyatt spent Independence Day afternoon exploring the...
Me and Wyatt spent Independence Day afternoon exploring the dinosaur caves at the beach.
Me and Wyatt are having an Independence Day beach adventure.
Me and Wyatt are having an Independence Day beach adventure.
July 3, 2015
We took the boys to their first baseball game (go SLO Blues!),...
We took the boys to their first baseball game (go SLO Blues!), they participated in a game in which they had to find their shoes among a ton of other kids’ shoes thrown on the field, AND the game ended with fireworks. Now, Boone wants to learn how to throw a curveball and Wyatt wants to blow shit up.
