Evil Editor's Blog, page 379

December 14, 2009

Zombies!


The 4th Annual Zombie Guess the Plot Quiz

Every year zombies make appearances in fake plots. But this year, four of the following turned out to be the actual plots of minions' novels. Which four?


1. Panic sets in at Glitzy Gloria's Hair and Nails Emporium when all of Tuesday morning's ladies turn up with pasty white complexions and a taste for brains.

2. Murdered by aliens they ruled over ruthlessly, Captain Sabine and the Emperor have come back to life! It's revenge time, but can two zombies wi...
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Published on December 14, 2009 10:29

New Beginning 712

There is something magical about being this drunk in the middle of winter. It is freezing cold by the side of the road, but I feel giddy and warm.

I have a nagging feeling that something is missing, and that maybe I've left something in the car. Where is the car anyway? Didn't they say they would come back for me soon? I walk a few feet to get my blood flowing again. I giggle hysterically when I almost trip, because my stiletto heel hooks between my toes and gets stuck in my pantyhose. I rip a...
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Published on December 14, 2009 05:40

Cartoon 535

Caption: Mother (Re)produces

Your caption on the next cartoon! Link in sidebar.
[image error]
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Published on December 14, 2009 04:19

December 13, 2009

Feedback Request


A new version of Face-Lift 707 is in the comments there, awaiting your input.[image error]
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Published on December 13, 2009 09:17

Writing Exercise Results . . .


are in the posts below. The task was to write a scene in which Evil Editor is visited by the Ghost of Christmas Future.[image error]
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Published on December 13, 2009 07:16

Christmas Ghost 9

Christmases of the Future.

"...Ghost of Christmas Future, you I fear the most," said Evil Editor. "However, I am resigned to your ordeal as I could not dissuade your predecessors. Take me as you will and be done with it."

The Ghost of Christmas Future pointed dramatically to the east.

"You don't say a lot, do you?"

The ghost pointed more dramatically. "You'll know soon enough where I am taking you to."

"--to where I'm taking you (cough)," said Evil Editor.

The ghost glared and whisked Evil Editor t...
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Published on December 13, 2009 07:15

Christmas Ghost 8

I opened the door. My mistake, but he told me the pizza had extra mushrooms. Then he backed me up against the wall.

"Editorevil Scrooge, this is your life!" he sang. The worst thing was the way the guy smiled. I could see his shiny white veneers. "I'm the Ghost of Christmas Future." He beamed.

I squinted against the dazzle. He looked a little offended, then leaned in close. "Have you ever seen Ghost of Christmas Past's teeth?"

"Get to the point, please. You've seen my slushpile..."

He touched my ...
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Published on December 13, 2009 07:14

Christmas Ghost 7

Evil wiped the snow from the gravestone.

A whole night wasted on a plot he knew inside out — and no damn popcorn! Jesus!

He pointed at his watch and turned to the cloaked figure looming over him. "Cut to the chase, pal. The funeral. The spazz kid. Repent, repent, yadda yadda. The slush pile's mounting up, yanno?"

The spectre said nothing, its bony fingers hung in the mist like the antlers of a long-dead reindeer.

Evil shook his head. "Dickens! Huh! What a loser. Blows all the dialogue on the firs...
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Published on December 13, 2009 07:12

Christmas Ghost 6

"Come on, hurry up, hurry up, even if this is time travel we don't have all night." The gray-clad ghost picked up its robe and its pace, pulling EE behind him.

"Aren't you supposed to be silent and mysterious?" asked EE.

"That's what everybody things, but nope. That was just the day Father Time bet me I couldn't go a day without speaking. Twenty pounds, ca-ching! Anyway, here we are."

They passed through a wrought iron gate and stopped in front of a rectangular tombstone. EE looked down at the n...
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Published on December 13, 2009 07:10

Christmas Ghost 5

What the-- How'd you get in here?

I am the ghost of Christmas future.

That so? You look like John Malkovich.

I get that a lot. I was expecting you to be asleep.

Nah, I do the slush in the wee hours. It's less addictive than sleeping pills. Hey, you wanna help?

I'm not--

An editor? Don't worry about it. Just read the first paragraph of each manuscript. If it sounds like it was written by a lobotomized Lithuanian lumberjack, toss it onto that mountain of paper in the corner. Otherwise put it in the p...
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Published on December 13, 2009 07:08

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