Evil Editor's Blog, page 375

Mysterious Package 3

But EE couldn't wait. He had to know what was in the package. He tore off the wrapping as Mrs. V dove behind his desk. Inside was a time bomb. EE calmly threw a chair through the window, then tossed the bomb after it, into the crowded street thirty stories below. It exploded on impact. EE looked down and saw thousands of bloody corpses strewn about.

"This is about your Christmas bonus--or lack thereof--isn't it?" he said.

"Actually," Mrs V replied, "I had no idea what was in the box. I was re-g...

Mysterious Package 2

EE took the package, promised he would open it on Christmas, and thanked Mrs. V. He didn't want to seem ungrateful with this much mistletoe around--she was in a prime position to poison his coffee with it.

As she released the package, she said, "Well, it won't matter, really. If you don't open it, it'll open itself by the end of the year." A flirty smile twitched on her lips and she was gone, taking her new pencil sharpener with her (EE had picked it up on the way to work, wrapped it in the ca...

Mysterious Package 1

Twas the night before Christmas and what do I see,
My girlfriend is handing a package to me,
It's not what you're thinking,
It wasn't red, green or sparkly bright silver,
Twas brownish and lumpy and smelled kind of (that word doesn't rhyme),
Her eyes, how they twinkled, Her boobs how they squiggled,
Each flouncing and jouncing releasing tiny new temblors.
Her poofy lips, all lusciously red, spoke softly and gently and filled up my head,
She said don't open it, at least not today,
Then she ran out to t...

Saturday Film Series

Christmas!

The 2nd Biennial Christmas Guess the Plot Quiz

Christmas comes once a year, but it comes more often than that in fake plots. One of the plots below, however, turned out to be the actual plot of a minion's novel. Which one?

1. They were ratty, they were torn, they were holey ghosts. But now, thanks to a little help from the Spirit of Christmas Past, they're getting it all together. Demons better watch out - its the all new . . . Unholy Ghosts.

2. A guy who pees on her boots. A porn-obsessed cryba...

Face-Lift 712

Guess the Plot

I Am the Tempted

1. As she celebrates her 42nd dry day, Abby Foster finds that bottle she hid in a boot long ago -- and it's half full! Next, she realizes it would be much easier to drop out of law school and join the army so she goes to surprise her old squeeze Josh, and ask what Afghanistan's really like, but then she discovers an urgent need to kill that vile thing, Samantha, who's skulking round his apartment.

2. Fat guy. Enter: milkshake.

3. Kaitlin's relationship with Jessey ...

Writing Exercise

Write something inspired by the cartoon below.

I know most of you are busy this time of year, but remember, there's no minimum word rule, just a maximum (300).

Deadline: Sunday, 10 AM eastern.

Cartoon 543

Caption: anon.

Your caption on the next cartoon! Link in sidebar.

New Beginning 715

Teresa was already sitting at a table near the bar, a bottle of wine and two glasses in front of her. Carrie cursed and dashed forward. "I'm so sorry I'm late."

"As long as you have a good excuse."

"I was on my way here and I saw these sandals, well..." Carrie pulled open her shopping bag and pulled out a pair of 4-inch heels, ivory leather with a peep toe and lace-up front. "Come on, tell me honestly, have you ever seen such gorgeous shoes? I just had to have them."

Teresa rolled her eyes. "The...

Serial Killers!

The Second Triennial Serial Killer Guess the Plot Quiz

You wouldn't want to meet one in real life, but serial killers turn up in fake plots every so often. Real plots too: Five of the following plots turned out to be the actual plots of minions' novels. Which ones?

1. Combining the studies of Vlad Dracul, Jack the Ripper, Billy the Kid, Ted Bundy and Seung Hui Cho, The Academy analyzed the most violent of killers throughout the centuries and created the newest breed of serial killers. But can t...