Evil Editor's Blog, page 382

EE, Marriage Counselor 6

"You're kidding me, right?"

"What do ya mean?"

"What I mean is, you're kidding me, right?" I pointed behind me to the sign on the door. "YOU...counseling women about marriage?"

"Nowhere does it state I counsel only women."

"Yeah, but who do ya think's gonna be flocking to you in droves now that you've shown yourself? Do you think it's the guys? Do ya?"

"What I think is, marriage requires a party of two per contract, thus two people will be attending my marriage counseling sessions. Two people who ...

EE, Marriage Counselor 5

Our marriage was dysfunctional. Our neighbour had recommended a marriage counselor; surprising, since he had delusional feelings for my wife. Yet, here I was, at Mr. E. Editor's door.

I knocked, he yelled, we went in.

We moved big stacks of papers to sit on the sofa. He sat at his desk, going through papers, grunting, shaking his head, tossing them into a pile; are OCD's allowed to be marriage counselors?

I cleared my throat to empower myself.

"What?" he demanded.

My wife watched the guy.

I cleare...

EE, Marriage Counselor 4

Brian knocked once on the door, then opened it and peered inside. The man with the whiskers looked up and said, "Oh, it's you. Come in."

Brian came in. "Is Samantha here yet?"

"I wrote her out."

"What?" said Brian. "But the trial separation -"

"It wasn't working. She was too bland. I wrote in Xenia instead."

"Who - ?"

The man with the whiskers pointed. In the corner of the room stood a stunning brunette in a black sequined evening gown that clung to the voluptuous curves of her body. She gazed...

EE, Marriage Counselor 3

"Papacito says you demand too much in a husband," EE the marriage counselor said.

"After my graduation, Poppie announced that he was cursed with a spinster and wanted a Petruchio. I want a man like my Poppie. Julio was a muscle-bound, hairy body with a Vienna sausage. He grabbed my butt and I slapped him. Then he snuck into the shower and swore that he was the only man for me, that Eros placed him on earth to worship me. I kicked him so hard the doctors told me that his nuts reached escape vel...

EE, Marriage Counselor 2

Evil Editor glanced through the stiff handwriting of the sheet in front of him. "I've been reading through your description of your marriage and I have to admit, it needs work."

Georgette and Samuel sat stiffly on the edge of the chestnut brown couch, staring at the floor. Neither of them spoke.

Evil Editor leaned back in his leather swivel chair and placed his feet upon his desk. For a moment, the only sound was the soft tapping of his blunt-cut fingernails against the cream leather of the arm...

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Saturday Film Series

Face-Lift 703

Guess the Plot

The Faerie Knight

1. He may be tiny, but Sir Swinkie is the best jouster in Bramblewood, assuming his opponent also rides a mouse. So when Queen Mab is 1] attacked by an evil cat, and then 2] kidnapped by an evil child, Swinkie leads the raiding faerie troupe into the house of the evil giants.

2. The king wants a human bride so that he can become invincible and conquer the mortal world, so he sends the Faerie Knight to get him one, specifically Christa. But it turns out Christa ha...

Cartoon 530

Caption: Anon.

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Success Story

Jeanne Tomlin reports that the following version of her query (discussed in Face-Lift 664) garnered a number of requests for full ms and that yesterday she signed with an agent:


Eighteen-year-old James Douglas can only watch, helpless, as the Scottish freedom fighter, William Wallace, is hanged, drawn, and quartered. Even under the heel of a brutal English conqueror, James' blood-drenched homeland may still have one hope for freedom, the rightful king of the Scots, Robert Bruce. James swears...