Evil Editor's Blog, page 328

The Evil Editor Auction

After seeing how successful the Brenda Novak Auction is, I've decided to have my own auction. I'm starting small, but if this takes off, I'll have more items next year.


EE in Oil.

Self-portrait. As good as the crap you see in places like the Louvre. By the time your kids inherit it, it'll be worth twenty million.

Current Bid: $220,000
Minimum Bid: $230,000
Reserve not met.



An Evaluation of your First Paragraph

by Agent Shirley Paulsen. Does not guarantee representation or consideration of...

Cartoon 644

Caption: Evil Editor

Your caption on the next cartoon! Link in sidebar.

Stacy has set up a Paypal donation button on her blog, so...

Stacy has set up a Paypal donation button on her blog, so that those who wish to may help out the family of minion Bevie James, who died last week.

It's here.

On another sad note, some of you may not know that minion Phoenix lost her father Saturday.

Face-Lift 770

Guess the Plot

The Crane's Beak

1. Tired of all the picky eaters, Aunt Vessa tells her family the first one to guess the secret ingredient in her stew will inherit her fortune.

2. Celia loves and cares for all the delicate wetland creatures, and she'll do whatever it takes to protect them--including committing assault, arson, and eventually a triple homicide.

3. The old Japanese mystic down the street tells Anna that she can save her mother's life if she folds one thousand paper cranes, but Anna'...

Cartoon 643

Caption: Anon.

Your caption on the next cartoon! Link in sidebar.
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Writing Exercise Results . . .

are in the posts below. The task was to write a scene in which no word was repeated. Starring Evil Editor, of course.

No Repeated Words Challenge 8

No easy assignment, forsooth; dialogue utterly noniterative, yet simulating quotidian speech; also, (not by thine ordinance but following yours truly's proper principles), utterly sans profanities (stipulation nowise facilitating verisimilitude in imitating Evil Editor's inimitable rants), likewise eschewing all abominable linguistic miscarriages spawned of texting, Twitter, et caetera...

Sleepest thou, writer-smiter, demagogue, Grishamsbane, fiery-eyed tyrant? Sleep no more! Morpheus' soothin...

No Repeated Words Challenge 7

Plump, pompous, dissatisfied, Evil sat upon his rump daydreaming about receiving one special manuscript that would pull him from the depths of slush purgatory when he heard knocking.

"Enter."

Haggard, half-crazed, some chick lumbered in. Girl looked like she'd overdosed on double espressos... black-n-blue bags under green eyes, arthritic fingers, almost anorexic, insomnia-ridden, and yanked out all but a few hairs. Mismatched clothes. Total nut job.

"Asshole."

"Beg pardon?" Mr. Editor pondered he...

No Repeated Words Challenge 6

"Yes! Begin your pitch."

"Home Run, wall-kissing goodbye hit describes it best, not merely heavy petting third base but totally out of Yankee Stadium, duh Brooklyn Armpit. There is this demon who desperately flees Hell and torture. Asmodeus redeemed, leaning toward good deeds, kind works. So Beastie-Boy digs beyond Hades by tunneling into Saint PuddlyWhumps' Church while da joint offers plenary indulgences. Comically, our creep misses freedom via several furlongs, surfaces in Miss Muffy's whor...

No Repeated Words Challenge 5

"Yeah, uh huh, I hear ya." Evil Editor nodded. Tinny words squeaked through that black plastic receiver. "Lawyers in love, judge learns a moral lesson. That's awesome. Really great angle."

Rapid squeaking came over fiberoptic wire.

EE grimaced. "Kidding! I'm sure it's wonderful. Just lay off male bonding and they'll eat it up. Who needs innovation? Romance has served you well for dozens of bestsellers already, fans love a cliche."

Holding the phone away from his ear: "Not funny, right. Sorry. Co...