Evil Editor's Blog, page 324

SuessStory 7

When I was a little kid, just about three
I liked to have Daddy read stories to me
Pertaining to doggies or bunnies or mice
With everything happy and cozy and nice

Now twenty years later as I lie in bed
I look back again at the books Daddy read
I see them on levels I didn't before
And see that those stories might be something more

As I was perusing those books of my past
I found some that left me agape and aghast
They had hidden meanings on every last page
Subliminal statements that filled me with rage

W...

SuessStory 6

Queries Green And Raw

I like queries green and raw,
with a side of slaw.
I don't like them with any sauce,
that makes me very cross.
I won't eat them brown and broiled
Or if they're old and soiled.
I won't even touch the plate
I'll heave it at the gate.
Queries cooked - it isn't right
No matter if they're tight.
If queries are fresh and scrunch
Then they're good for brunch.
When queries are fried,
It's like they've died.
I won't eat them up at all,
I'll throw them at the wall.
Queries are my delight,
So...

SuessStory 5

Look! I see a bubbling brook.
By that brook there is a nook.
In that nook there sits a crook
Fierce-eyed, sharp-beaked as a rook.
In his hands there lies a book.
He hisses with a burning look:

"In this book there is no hook,
Only gobbledy and gook!
My advice you never took.
Give up writing. Learn to cook.

I am not the sort of schmuck
Who would buy this tasteless muck.
Lady, you are out of luck!"

There! I think that lightning struck.

Did you see how that writer shook?
Did you see the leap she took
Out of that...

SuessStory 4

Cindy-lou Teebble and Ginny-Lou Teebble were all-in-all, in-and-out blue one day.
Now Teebbles as cute as Cindy and Ginny were just too cute to be blue, bluesy blue cause Weasel-Joe Publishing just turned them away.

Oh Mumsie, Oh Daddy, Oh persnickety sister Sue
Oh boo hoo, boo hoo, what can we do?
What you need is advice from a bespectacled fairy
Edit he will your great crimson novel and revamp that pale chartreuse query.
Think happy pink thoughts. Think bright pink sparklies and definitely, defin...

SuessStory 3

I'm Evil Eeee,
I cannot spell,
this Doctor SUES,
I know too well.
He sent his book
for all to see
I dissed his manuscript,
yup, t'was me.
His nom de plume
was Dr. Seuss
but now he's mad,
I'm in the juice,
for Dr. Seuss's name
I missed
and now he SUES
so I am pissed.

I hopped on Pop,
I called the Cat
I didn't stop
gave Cat a Hat,
I counted fish
from Red to Blue
but Dr. Seuss
still wants to sue.

Oh woe is me,
I need an ark !
Come rescue me,
my dear Miss Snark!
We'll sail away.
t'will be a cinch,
and leave the editing
to Seus...

SuessStory 2

Mystery, Mr. E., Sir?
-------------------------

Look, sir. Look, sir. Mr. E., sir.
A book, a book, a mystery sir.
Please do a deed and read with speed, sir.
Please do accede high-speed my need, sir.

No more bore with snore in store.
Explore the score lest I ignore.

You seem a snug bug in a rug, sir.
Why don't you plug, not ugh and shrug, sir?

First debunk you hunk of junk.
Slam-dunk what's bunk before you flunk.

Rip the drip, clip and skip.
That's the tip I slip, you dip.

Please, sir. I don't acquit this w...

SuessStory 1

It was raining outside. There was nothing to do.
So I reached in the slushpile and picked up a few.
I looked at the first one and saw the first word to be
"Oxymandicious"--which seemed quite absurd to me.
Into the toilet it went with a flush--
The very best place for the very worst slush.
I looked at another one, hoping for greatness;
The first word was "pachydermacronumateless."
I picked up three more, but they all began nuttily:
"Pickapoo," "Throgmistle," "Cragstormichuttiny."
I wondered if writers h...

Saturday Film Series

Face-Lift 776

Guess the Plot

Third Rainbow

1. Abstract painter Jefferson Polak's creation Third Rainbow sells for a cool million, but when it's revealed that his medium was excrement produced on a diet of Skittles, he drinks himself into oblivion before he ever reaches his pot of gold.

2. Madeline hasn't had much luck with the kittens her single father has been buying her. Rainbow I got run over; Rainbow II died of sudden respiratory failure. Will Madeline find out about her father's crush on pretty ...

Cartoon 652

Caption: Anon.

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