Evil Editor's Blog, page 323

Q & A 179

So I've looked everywhere on your site, but I can't find the guidelines for submitting my novel to Evil Editor Publications. Can I afford you?

Whaddaya think this is, a vanity press? Outside of Evil Editor's fee for editing your manuscript, and the production costs, you pay nothing. Guidelines for submitting are simple: Don't include a cover letter unless you can write one that won't make me gag. Send the book in the body of an email. I'll read until I realize it sucks.

Face-Lift 778

Guess the Plot

Bound and Fallen

1. Anatoly Green's meteoric rise to the top of his sport and his plummet into drugs, sex, and gambling are recounted in this shocking exposé on professional three legged racing.

2. When dominatrix Katherine goes too far with one of her subjects, she is ostracized by the BDSM community. Can she redeem herself by holding the best spanking-for-orphans charity event that downtown Seattle has ever seen?

3. A Fallen god has tasked Ki with training De, but Ki is b...

Cartoon 655

Caption: Anon.

Your caption on the next cartoon! Link in sidebar.

New Beginning 755

No one in the Seven Villages had ever seen the dragon. They knew it by the quickening of the wind and the sudden purity of the light before its coming, and by the gifts it gave them—fire, death, rain, fertile soil, dragon-children. Their small lives rose and fell through its great one like sparks in a wildfire or tears in the sea.

When the wind warned of its coming most folk ran for the shelter of spring or cave. There were always a few who waited in the open, drinking in the rich colors of ea...

New Beginning 754

No one in the Seven Villages had ever seen the dragon. They knew it by the quickening of the wind and the sudden purity of the light before its coming, and by the gifts it gave them—fire, death, rain, fertile soil, dragon-children. Their small lives rose and fell through its great one like sparks in a wildfire or tears in the sea.

When the wind warned of its coming most folk ran for the shelter of spring or cave. There were always a few who waited in the open, drinking in the rich colors of ea...

Cartoon 654

Caption: Whirlochre

Your caption on the next cartoon! Link in sidebar.
[image error]

Face-Lift 777

Guess the Plot

Alamandine's Song

1. Alamandine has a beautiful soft voice. Unfortunately, the opera house only accepts singers who can be heard by those in back of the upper balconies. Can a creepy mask-wearing stalker teach her to scream loud enough to be heard?

2. When promising three-year-old filly Alamandine's Song disappears from her stall at Santa Anita, detective Zack Martinez knows two things: the filly didn't shoot the guard and drive herself away, and he'd better pick up some almond mi...

Cartoon 653

Caption: Anon.

Your caption on the next cartoon! Link in sidebar.
[image error]

Writing Exercise Results . . .

are in the posts below. The task was to write, in the style of Dr. Suess, a story involving Evil Editor.[image error]

SuessStory 8

In Publishing Town,
Far down in its bowels,
Lived a muttonchopped man
With quivery jowls.

Every day, minions--
A hundred or more--
Surged to his office
And squeezed through the door.

They ogled and boggled
In mute adoration
Amazed at his pince-nez,
His fob, his vocation.

They said, "One day we'll
"Work in Publishing too!"
But they only had queries.
Not one had a clue.

One morning, a minion,
With query in hand,
Dared lay it before
The muttonchopped man.

The muttonchopped man
With quivery jowl
Looked down through hi...