Annika Sharma's Blog

Afterthoughts: The Woke Desi, Episode 7 - "Love and Abuse."

I checked my Facebook messages this morning--I had deactivated it for a while because I hate social media, and ended up having to reactivate for the podcast and for the Vidya Project--and went through message requests and filtered messages. Most of the time, it's creepy men from abroad or messages I can ignore.Today was different. I had four or five messages from abuse survivors who had listened to our latest episode. My heart has been both uplifted and heavy all day.Every time I wonder if the podcast makes a difference, reminders like this shed light that these problems truly do happen...and they happen way more than we think. The anonymous survivor who spoke on Episode 7 was JUST like me--smart, educated, kind, in love--and that a situation turned on her despite all of her instincts that it was going well. Seeing as I'm not that different from a lot of smart, driven, kind women out there, it means this survivor is just like all of us.It also is staggering to me how much progress we have left to make as South Asian communities when it comes to treating our women better and raising our men to meet standards. How is it so acceptable that men can do what they want to women, with no regard for consequences (namely, because there aren't any)? How come parents support abusive men so much more than the abused women?I read a tweet recently from 2018 that resonated. Something I heard a lot growing up: Girls, boys mature more slowly than you. Make allowances for them. Something I never heard: Boys, girls mature more rapidly than you. Look to them as examples of intelligence and leadership.At the end of the day, there's a culture of blame, shame, and creating accommodation made for girls, whereas boys are told that they have to measure up and stick to their guns. Imagine how different it would be if boys were raised to look at their South Asian partners as equally capable and worthy of compromise. It would make for a lot more successful power couples...and a lot more respect.And the shame--families insisting that "Log Kya Kahenge" is an acceptable mentality when it comes to an abusive situation. As if isolating someone is an acceptable practice. It needs to change. Yesterday. The trauma that comes with being isolated has effects that will last long after an abusive partner finds the courage to leave.Men face abuse too. I've seen it with my own eyes, witnessed it amongst family friends who had to say it quietly because they doubted whether people would wonder if they lied that their spouse could beat up someone bigger than them. The abuse of men isn't okay either.I wish it was as easy as saying teach your kids respect for your spouse and set an example.I wish there was a clear cut answer. But the first step is acknowledging that there is a problem...that no one talks about this because the pervasive South Asian culture is to sweep problems under the rug and project a perfect image outwardly. This insanity of looking perfect, appearing competitive, and hiding problems is an enormous aspect of why people feel they are the only ones out there who struggle.That, in turn, feeds a vicious cycle--when people want to seek help, it's still "Log kya kahenge," and once they've left and gotten divorced, that's what they'll hear forever. They're marked as the divorcee, and then anyone who does associate, is by association, marred. At every step of the way, these victims are re-victimized, made out as liars, and forced to endure the psychological damage over and over again as they try to convince a community hellbent on disbelief that their safety and sanity was violated.Victims should not have to be doubted that they were victimized.And there are so many people who do experience this, that it should be encouraged for them to raise their voices and say that the world needs to change. It should be shouted from rooftops that these victims have suffered and that they will prevail because their stories are believed. And it's up to us, as allies and as people who have the potential to aid our loved ones in escaping these situations and drawing boundaries, to prove that we as South Asians can do better.

Afterthoughts: The Woke Desi, Episode 6 - "The Inconceivable Truth."

If you haven't listened to the latest episode of The Woke Desi, you can check it out here. As always, likes, subscriptions, comments and shares determine when and how we're listened to--any help is so appreciated!By now, if you haven't figured it out already, we're beginning to settle into a groove over at The Woke Desi...we've figured out production, a little more about how to structure an episode, and how we jive as a group of three outspoken women.It's a learning curve.But we wanted to begin with chilled out topics so we could bring our authentic selves as we learned more. We knew around episode 5, we'd be comfortable enough to start delving into the heavier subjects...the ones that will put us on different sides of the issue, let us argue and allow our experiences to speak for themselves.This episode was one hell of a way to dive in.Shreeda Tailor had emailed about doing an infertility episode and shared a summary of her story: that she'd had a combination of miscarriages, termination, and child loss."Yes." I thought. "Women's health, women's rights, and an issue everyone faces." I'm a sucker for women's health. Moms. Babies. You name it. The girls agreed on needing to cover this.A few hours later, Rashmi Kudesia, a doctor who actually knows Shreeda and lives in Houston too, emailed separately about the same thing!"A doctor emailed," I wrote back to Shreeda."Was it Rashmi?" she asked.Together, we decided to broach miscarriage, infertility, child loss, and some reproductive health in one episode that really ran the races on the depth of loss and different facets of it.There's a lot of misconceptions around reproductive health that I'm glad Rashmi cleared up--like the sheer mystery of infertility. 40% of men contribute to struggling couples' conception troubles, and the other half (roughly) is due to a woman--but WHAT the issue is, can be a total "we have no clue."I knew the chances of conception decline as women age--most people know that--but I sure as hell didn't know that it's a 5% chance each month around the age of 40. What struck me about Shreeda's story wasn't just the grief--yes, that's overwhelming and painful to hear about. But the smaller details she included that added such gravitas to the experience of losing a child..."Do I flush it?" That's a baby, it suddenly dawned on me. A baby that was wanted, and even in my own healthcare mind, couldn't simply be seen as a fetus when its mother wanted a child so badly.Sahaara's funeral was cruel. It's mindblowing to me how much some states (looking at you, now, Texas) dictate what a mother and father have to go through when they've already endured so much. A funeral? A casket made from a shipping box and satin because coffins don't come made that small?$500 additional to push a cremation button?Having to birth, then name, and bury a child that wouldn't have made it even with the most sophisticated medical intervention?It was not only heartbreaking, it was infuriating.And her husband...by including his narrative, his words about Shreeda's pain haunting him and her cries replaying in his ears, it drove home that these losses, while centered around the woman who births the child, include a partner that is often forgotten in his own pain. Many of these dads are aware they want kids. They have so much love to give. And it's really hard for them to see the loss of the child, but also witness their partner's pain as it happens.The other thing about sadness...that both Rashmi and Shreeda touched on--is that the world continues on and you're stuck in your grief while it happens. Nothing changes about your routine, like your coffee place or your job, but everything inside you has changed and there is nowhere to make sense of it.And the South Asian community...seriously, guys. Why do we have such a culture of blame for women and men who can't have children? When I asked Rashmi that same question, her answers about how we're a results-oriented culture put things into perspective...because the fact is, generations above us can't fathom that a marriage won't result in a child. What about people who don't want kids? What about the ones who can't have them and want them? What about the million other possibilities? Something needs to change. It's not okay that people have to cry in their cars, avoid telling people about their pregnancies because they're so afraid they'll lose it, and not have an outlet for grief.Shreeda mentioned there were literally NO support groups in Houston for child loss. None! How is that even possible? In a population of over a billion, statistically speaking, millions and millions have had miscarriages alone. That's unacceptable. We need to provide a place for women AND men to be able to feel sad that these dreams went away with their child, or that they may have to face the reality that their dreams will remain unfulfilled.If this episode did anything, I hope it shed light on the issues couples go through as they try to conceive as South Asians, and what happens when they can't. It's not just a woman's issue. It's a couple's issue. It's a human issue. And this shaming and lack of support needs to stop. We need to be better.

Afterthoughts: The Woke Desi, Episode 5 - "It's Not You. It's Me."

When we first discussed putting this breakups episode together--and I can't remember whose idea it was but I know it wasn't mine--I was a little nervous...Outside of funny dating disaster stories like the infamous Tickle Monster, my love life tends to be on lock. No social media posts about him. No public declarations that we're together. I even select my poetry to avoid matching how I feel that day so that people can't assume my posts are reflective of life...how was I supposed to open up about things I keep to myself?Episode 5 dealt with cheating, breakups, social media, and how you can get over a breakup. Is it possible to be friends with an ex? Should we? What about if there are no feelings leftover?It turned out to be one of my favorite episodes.Namely, because none of us agreed on a thing. We talked a lot about healing...how breakups can be interruptors of life on a seismic level, and how it can be tough to rebuild after a devastating blow like that. It occurred to me after Nehal's cheating story and upon reflection with my own experiences that when you love someone, you truly do give them the power to break you. And the way they do that, whether it's cheating or an unexpected breakup or whatever else...it leaves an impression that a person can carry for the rest of their lives. Think about Nehal's story. She was a teenager. It's been nearly ten years later and the impact of her actions is one that she still takes into relationships with her. And on the concept of healing...I wrote the post below (with a few tweaks) about 9 months ago and I hope it helps any of you going through it.You know exactly what I'm talking about when I say everyone has had a heartbreak legend will be written about. Tell me you didn't think of that one guy/girl who shattered you. The opportunity that passed you by. The road not taken.The one you thought of even more when you tried to drink it away (and possibly drunk texted. No judgment.)The one you tearfully told your friends, your parents, your cousins, your hair stylist, the neighbor, the mailman and the sweet retail girl at Express--who was just trying to help you choose a pair of revenge jeans--about.The one you wrote pages of anger about (and possibly to) so s/he could know exactly what s/he did wrong and could take responsibility (Rachel Green...I feel you, girl!).Jokes aside, it's a garbage place to be. I mean...dating is hard enough nowadays. Call me a dinosaur if you want, but dating apps have a lot to do with it. It's easy in a world of instant gratification to swipe left or right and decide in a millisecond whether someone is worth pursuing. And more than that, the consistent quest for something better is at our fingertips. The options happen to be available, unlike when our parents were younger. Jobs, volunteering, significant others--hell, even Seamless--all at our fingertips when we want it.But here you are...you found your penguin or lobster or whatever else animal is out there that mates exclusively. You have won the romantic lottery. Suddenly, your social media posts aren't of you looking wistfully at the horizon but looking at them...maybe with a sweet little caption or quote about life was never the same after you met them. Every love song has a person associated with it. You are no longer the dateless guest at a wedding because YOU HAVE BECOME THE PERSON WITH A PERSON.And then it's over.Talk about a buzzkill. So, in my wise wisdom and from insight gained watching friends go through their own heartache...here are some things that won't necessarily heal your heartbreak but will hopefully support you through it.1) It really isn't you. It really is them.Being cruel after a breakup is a choice. The way you break up with someone--face to face or over the phone, clearly and communicatively--versus an email or text or whatever passive means exists out there now...it's all cowardly and if you've experienced it, I'm really sorry. If you've done it, I hope you do better next time. The bravery and dignity with which you handle someone else's heart is a mark of your character. Hold yourself to that standard--and just as importantly, hold others to it too.You, beautiful one, do not need to give someone a second chance who has already proven it is in their build to treat you as a lesser human being. You are officially off the hook for blaming yourself. Go and set yourself free. It's them, not you.2) The world keeps spinning.How many days have you spent wanting the world to stop while you deal with your many, many feelings? "I JUST NEED A DAY OFF TO GET IT TOGETHER!" you want to scream, but let's be honest...a day off isn't going to fix this and the world keeps turning despite your many pleas that it stop.But with that comes a little optimism if you let yourself see it...there's a little beauty in the idea that the sun keeps rising and the planet continues on with their lives. Everyone has been in your shoes...and somehow, things kept moving on. Which means that this horrible phase of pain is also transient. As the universal spin continues, so too shall you and your life.3) Wallow. Then make the decision to get up.You know how Bambi took tried to take his first steps and fell a couple times? You'll get up when you're ready. But determination is a significant part of survival. You'll have your rough days but the beginning comes with the decision to get up, and move forward. You don't have to throw yourself into anything you aren't ready for...but scheduling some laughter time with your friends, trying something new and throwing yourself into life? At the very least, you have some experiences worth remembering. They may even be wonderful distractions. But try...try to put yourself back into a normal routine of some sort.4) Gain something. For the long haul. For you.Almost all of my guy friends have told me that they've made career moves during a break up. Many of my girl friends agree. By not being impulsive, but throwing themselves into a work project, home project, drastic change, or investment, they have gained something for themselves. They have found a long-term satisfaction in the loss, and it'll make them proud. A little piece of light in a dark place--and sometimes, when you think back on the heartache, you remember the accomplishment as a beacon, rather than the breakup.5) I'm going to have a serious moment here. Be gentle with yourself.I tell friends that all the time on their quests for perfection--people will always fall short. Me, you, your family, our friends. There is always forward progress. Backwards steps also exist. Sometimes, it's okay to sleep off a weekend because it's easier than facing reality. It's okay to have a night with a bottle of wine, thinking about the job opportunity you passed up.It's okay to fall. It's okay to wallow. It's okay to feel sad, sorry and sentimental. Just don't make it a permanent home. You deserve better than living in misery.Are these methods fail-proof? Nope. If I had the art of getting over a letdown mastered, I'd be a millionaire who probably didn't need a blog or a podcast to begin with. But everyone needs a first step...a place to start. Maybe you've found yours.

Wait, it's been two months?

It's the wee hours of the morning as I write this. The rain is pouring and the sound is so soothing against these New York City streets. My morning cup of coffee feels like a hug.I wish I could say it's surprising that I haven't written in two months but truthfully...it's not surprising at all. Not only has time been flying, but I've barely caught my breath.I saw a bunch of concerts and movies--each and every one was great. Avengers End Game and Aladdin were probably my favorites.Florida kayaking was extraordinary.There were a couple long weekends with S. One surprise night included a Hasan Minhaj live taping of Patriot Act! You can see us on the Sudan episode a few times, laughing at his ridiculousness. Such an interesting experience...and such a humbling topic. I've been researching ways to help the Sudanese people since.We took a whirlwind 6 day trip to India to celebrate my grandfather's 90th birthday. He and I have a weekly phone date so it meant a lot to me to hang out with him. Also...the heat in Hyderabad. Dear God. The. Heat. Then I had a severe allergic reaction to a dog. I gave him an amazing belly rub, and the next thing you know, I can't breathe and my face resembles a marshmallow. It wasn't even a big dog that could be considered cool--it was a wiener dog. (My writer friend Amanda says this allows me to say I'm allergic to wieners from now on. That's funny...and would be really sad). But the trip was fun, despite looking like I got punched in the eye by the Hulk.I spent an evening at Spyscape--one of the most fascinating museums I've ever been to.Nehal flew out for a fourteen-hour day, fun-filled, work-packed weekend for The Woke Desi.Then we actually launched The Woke Desi...and how amazing that's been.My friend Katie got married and her wedding was in a picturesque little peddler's village. Shops all around, built into farmhouses. It was quaint and sweet.How full of joy it's been. 2019 is halfway through and shows no sign of slowing down...and I love it. With every single atom in my body, I love this pace.The speed is also exhausting. I hit my bed at night completely tuckered out, and find myself a much deeper sleeper than I used to be. The insanity has also meant a lot of adjustments in life.I've always struggled with the right balance but I've finally nailed it...I hope. At least this week, I have! At the moment, on a professional level, I'm juggling my day job at an Ivy league Dean's Office, The Woke Desi podcast, my writing career, this blog and the social media associated with it, and serving on the board of a non-profit. On a personal note, like everyone else, trips to the gym, traveling, friends, summer festivities and family commitments take up my time. For some people, that's completely manageable and for me, I've hit my capacity in a really fulfilling and sanity-preserving way. That feels like a win because I've always either been totally overwhelmed or feeling like I haven't met my potential.It comes with some funny life hacks of course. I have to schedule my Instagram posts ahead of time (more on this in another post). I give my feedback for the podcast a week ahead of release. I've worked ahead on blog posts--I work on those on Sundays. I read before bed, and started saving money by only buying books on sale or advanced reader copies. My meals are planned and cooked in big batches. From 9-5, I don't think about writing. I've started ordering groceries via delivery service to save time.It means a lot of "no" on socializing...and a lot of phoneless time when I'm with loved ones because I want to remain present and value my time with them. It means a Google Calendar that looks like all the color selections malfunctioned, and sometimes forgetting to eat meals. There are a lot of naps on car rides, plane rides, and on my couch if I'm left there for too long unattended. There's a lot of phone dates because catching up in person is hard.And honestly? I wouldn't trade a damn thing. From August of 2017 to August of 2018, when I wasn't working because I was in school...life felt like it wasn't moving with momentum. It was just going. Now...now I feel full of power, charisma, and energy and that is an incredible thing to feel.So I hope you'll forgive me on being delayed. There's been a lot happening...and all for the better. I'll see you here more often from now on.Love,Annika

Travel Diaries: Kayaking in Florida.

Note: not a single one of these pictures is filtered.Jon Stewart once described Penn State--and by extension, my hometown of State College where Penn State is located--with, "You’re driving along with nothing, and then it’s like cow…cow…cow…20,000 hot chicks — that’s Penn State.” Minus the hot chicks, "tons of cows and farmland" is an apt description for where I come from. I've only told one person this until now but the thing I miss most about being from the middle of nowhere is seeing the stars at night...city lights pollute the sky and you lose the magnificence of nature.But this trip to Florida and our morning kayaking reminded me exactly how wonderful it is to be off the grid and to forget the bustle. To celebrate my brother's birthday, we (he, his girlfriend, her sister and I) took a three day trip to Orlando. Our original plan was Cancun but our family has a condo in Florida. It's easiest for us to get there quickly. Of course, we wanted to go to Universal Studios because riding the Hulk never gets old. And most importantly, HARRY POTTER.Then I saw a picture on Instagram of crystal clear blue water, and a girl in a clear kayak.Long story short, we ended up booking a reservation with Get Up and Go Kayaking, a company with a few different locations to choose from including a bioluminescent kayak trip. We chose the location at Rock Springs, a 45-minute drive outside Orlando and signed up for a two hour experience. It was about $60 per person and worth every penny.We'd registered for the 8 AM tour. The Rock Springs location is in the middle of nowhere (as it should be) and we lost cell phone signal quickly. The starting point for Get Up and Go Kayaking uses another company's facilities so we signed safety waivers for both companies, got a quick tutorial from our tour guide, Austin, took off our shoes and seated ourselves in our clear kayaks.The weather was beautiful, if not a little chilly for the early morning, and the fog was rising up from the water--a perpetual 68 degrees. The water was murky and dark but as we set off, it cleared very quickly and began to take on shades of blue, aqua, teal and crystal clear. Austin led us through a 1.2 mile spring, stopping at various points to let us out of the kayaks to wade in or swim as we saw fit. And the sun came out!I've never seen water so clear in nature...minnows came and rallied around our toes, turtles burrowed into the sand, and we kept an eye out for alligators because it is Florida and they're everywhere. Sri also hit me in the head with an oar twice but if you mention it to him, he laughs too hard to breathe so my chances of an apology are slim to none.Having a tour guide was great--namely because he was there for help when people got stuck (like the couple doing double the work zigzagging through the springs rather than simply going up them...) but left us alone to enjoy. A fun fact Austin gave us: When the Europeans came to Florida in the 1500s, they spoke of a fountain of youth because the natives in Florida were living until their 80's while those back in Europe only survived until their mid forties...the secret? Drinking water. Europeans exclusively drank wine because their water systems weren't sanitary--whereas native Floridians drank lots of mineral rich, clean, spring water from these aquifers and it contributed to their life expectancy.Once we reached the 1.2 mile mark, we turned around and went with the current...floating back down allowed for pictures, less work, and coasting as the palm trees, forest and water surrounded us.I'd highly recommend Get Up and Go Kayaking, but I'd also encourage a nature day on every trip you take...because while tourist locations are wonderful experiences too, the true moments of magic can always be found in what the earth already created on a lesser walked path.

The Love Language Lesson.

A couple months ago, it had been a particularly crappy day, and my favorite fella, R, came by to check on me. Sitting on my couch with our legs side by side, he watched as I tried to tame my wildly curly hair, fresh out of the shower that was supposed to calm me but didn't, and listened as I fumbled through tears about why I was having such a hard time."What's your love language?" he asked, out of the blue."My what now?" "Your love language."I'd heard about the five love languages from that book (of course) on the charts recently, written by Gary Chapman. But I hadn't considered mine too much.Love languages are the idea that every person gives and takes love in five groups of ways (languages). By learning your spouse/significant other's, your friends' or even your child's love language, you're able to express yourself in a way they understand so there are less misunderstandings and better transformations ahead for your relationship. You can also recognize which love languages you appreciate most when you receive them...because sometimes you give and take very differently.The five love languages are physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, and acts of service. There's slightly more depth to them than meets the eye--receiving gifts, for example, doesn't convey materialism. It can mean something like receiving a compliment, a thought or something rewarding from an interaction.So...R and I looked up an extensive quiz and started asking each other questions. Sitting and listening to a back-and-forth question session is a wonderful way to learn what someone hopes out of their communications and what methods make the most impact for them. Thirty questions later, we had the answer to precisely what our love languages are.My two love languages (both giving and receiving):1) Quality time. This doesn't mean proximity--it means togetherness in any form. This is no surprise...I have a job, a book club, a blog, a podcast, and a writing career...and my friends, family or boyfriend have their own lives. Those minutes of connection are precious to me. It can be in person, on the phone or even a text conversation, but knowing it's our time is special. Knowing someone has taken a little time out of their day to have a moment with me is such a privilege.2) Words of affirmation. I'm such a communicator. Probably too much :) I have a tendency to ask too often if things are okay. But hearing a simple sentence like, "I'm thinking of you," is a calming influence for me. I love the power of words, and that a friend, family member or boyfriend can use them to tell me what's happening in their lives.(On a side note, it's funny--I dated a guy for seven years when I was younger and he wasn't exactly the verbal type. In a group, I talked and he was so quiet people wondered if he had anything to say. But because I'm talkative and expressive with words, he broke out of his comfort zone and wrote me a love note for our first Valentine's Day.It's been fourteen years since I received that letter. Seven years since we broke up. And I still have those words, written in pencil on lined notebook paper, tucked away in a box full of old journals. I've found it from time to time when digging through my closet, and I still smile every time. Words are magical.)I've been thinking about that night a lot since it happened. Why? Because R's love language involves acts of service. He's the first to help with anything I need--to offer a hug or jump in when I'm cooking. I appreciate that he does that (I also know who to call when I need my couch moved...ahem), and I know what to expect from him when I am down. Likewise, I know what he needs when he's in need and what his receiving language is.Learning "love languages" is applicable to coworkers and everyone else in life as well. I've been paying more attention to the language people use so I can make an effort to reciprocate in the way they appreciate most. It's strengthened my relationships with people and connections have become more solid because of the effort. I also make sure to thank people more often who give differently than I do--because that's their expression of caring even if it isn't my top way of receiving...and noting that can be a positive point in the give-and-take.Fostering relationships, at home and at the workplace is critical, and appreciation goes a long way. Treating people with kindness and recognizing their methods of communication is critical...While learning about these love languages came from an awful day, the application of what R taught me has had some long-term effects and for that, I am thankful.

Announcing The Woke Desi, coming soon.

About five months ago, my best friend Mamata (who you all know as the TEDxTalk speaker!) mentioned I should start a podcast. At the time, I rolled my eyes because, my goodness, how many more stories could I tell?It seems otherwise to many but my closest friends know I struggle with social media. The concept of staying relevant by posting even mundane things every day is onerous. Putting myself out there is something I do as a writer...but it's not who I am naturally. Putting in the efforts to record, produce and come up with new stories each week on a podcast...I'd do just fine listening to well-produced true crime episodes created by other people, thanks.But the tiny spark of the idea stuck. Imagine being able to speak to thousands of people, share experiences and let them know they aren't alone. There could be a greater force for good. There could be hope.I just didn't want to do it alone. I wanted something powerful, a force to be reckoned with, which represented a much wider range of opinion than what I had to offer by my frazzled self.On a cold January day, I posted in a brown girls group on Facebook about potentially starting a podcast--Sex and the City meets Girlboss meets The View. It was a little impetuous, but the group gets lots of posts so I hardly expected a response.65 people answered me.I was gobsmacked. I didn't think anyone would even answer--but now I had to filter through 65 fabulous women with their own achievements. I put out a form to interview through...and 45 applications came in.We ended up with 6 women. In 2 cities...and a million possibilities appeared.We're all South Asian. We have different age groups, and relationship statuses. We're all over the place with traditions, cultures, backgrounds and origins. And somehow, we've come up with a podcast!The Woke Desi.I know, you can laugh if you want--sometimes we do too. But our purpose, our drive, is to make sure no South Asian woman (or man) feels alone again, by discussing the things that are only whispered about in our cultures--the weird way dating operates, how marriage expectations can transcend families and feel daunting to a couple, how periods are shunned and shamed...and of course, a South Asian podcast wouldn't be complete with some fluffy, fun debates about things like the Priyanka Chopra/Nick Jonas wedding.You can follow us @thewokedesi on Instagram and Twitter. We're so excited to bring these episodes forward, and we've been working hard on a weekly basis to make sure we're up to par...that we do this endeavor justice. That we're fearless. And that we raise our voices in a way that makes other people feel heard too.

Travel Diaries: The City of Brotherly Love, Ben Folds and a Flugelhorn.

I love when rock and classical come together. My playlist is filled with the Piano Guys, 2Cellos, the Vitamin String Quartet, and bands that use classical instruments like Yellowcard, The Script, Wakey! Wakey! and more. I played the violin for 10 years and one of my biggest regrets is not learning how to play the piano when I was younger.Once again...I love classical music.This past weekend, I took a lightning quick trip to Philadelphia to see my friends Trusha and Kamna. Trusha and her husband Thomas invited me to see Ben Folds with the Philadelphia Orchestra on Friday night and I said yes--but I'll admit I had no idea what I was in for. I haven't listened to Ben Folds-he's had a long and storied career in the alternative music sphere, but he wasn't on rotation for me. Because he was playing with the Philadelphia Orchestra, however, I was definitely in. Any city that has its own orchestra has cherry picked a legion of talent from the masses, and I knew that at the very least, I'd be enthralled and entertained by the instruments.I may not have known Ben Folds before I entered the Kimmel Center, but I will remember the experience for a long time to come. His piano melodies fit flawlessly with a symphony behind it, and could be played acoustically or with a rock band, and it would flow equally as well.His concert style is casual--he injects a ton of stories about his time touring, and the hilarious anecdotes behind his songs. For example...he told us about how he was in Europe touring, and had taken too much cold medicine prescribed by a doctor, trying to get rid of a sore throat so he could perform. So he is high as a kite on stage, forgets the lyrics/song he's supposed to play and decides to make something up. Unfortunately for him, the only thing on the American news that day (contrary to European news) is the notable story about a former astronaut who wore a diaper to drive cross country and murder her cheating boyfriend...The result was the following lyrics:Here in Cologne I know I said it wrong I walked you to the train And back across alone To my hotel room And ordered me some food And now I'm wondering why the floor has suddenly become a moving target Four, three, two, one, I'm letting you go I will let go If you will let go (Four, three, two) Says here an astronaut Put on a pair of diapers Drove eighteen hours To kill her boyfriend And in my hotel room, I'm wondering If you read that story too? And if we both might Be having the same imaginary conversationI looked up the lyrics to find out exactly what they were and the fans who commented spoke about how deep the song is and how it captures long distance relationships perfectly--and it made me smile. Writers often have to pull random deep stuff out of nothing, but Ben Folds clearly did it better--not only did he write a song on the spot in Cologne while doped up on prescriptions, he played it classically on a piano (something I can't do sober), and then created a song that fans consider deep.The most memorable portion of the concert though wasn't the song about the astronaut...it was his final song of the night (prior to two encores). The story behind it is that he was recording a live album in Chicago when a fan shouted "Rock this bitch!" "I don't know that one," responded Ben. "But I'll try."That improvisation also turned out so well it ended up on the album...and now if someone shouts it at a show, he considers it a code of honor that he has to play some variation of it with those lyrics in it.What he did in Philadelphia was far more than a funny story. He stared at his piano for a couple of seconds, and literally wrote a symphony orchestra piece on the spot. He devised segments, measures, chords, and harmonies for the first and second violins and violas, came up with a bass beat to undercut it all, had the cellos play something else, figured out a tune for the woodwinds and brasses, and then added an entire percussion section with specifics on what notes to play.He did it in under ten minutes. "Does anyone have a flugelhorn back there?" He interrupted. A musician produced one in the back of the stage."You know what to do." said Ben.And we got a mid-improvisation Flugelhorn solo.Then he sang the entire improvised song with the profound (I'm kidding) lyrics: "Rock this bitch, Philadelphia."I've never seen anything like it. It takes some serious musical genius to manipulate notes and harmonies on the spot for an entire orchestra, and improvise a song. When I was little, I watched a movie on Beethoven--Beethoven actually went deaf mid-career so some of his most well-recognized movements were created through expertise and feeling vibration, but not through actually hearing the music. Even when I was younger, I remember thinking you'd have to be able to "see" music in front of you to do it accurately when you can't hear, and I was reminded of that when I watched Ben Folds put it all together.The night was an experience to say the least and I was so amazed by the talent that I had to write about it and let you all know...maybe look up a video or two of Folds' improvisations and check him out.

The City of Brotherly Love, Ben Folds and a Flugelhorn.

I love when rock and classical come together. My playlist is filled with the Piano Guys, 2Cellos, the Vitamin String Quartet, and bands that use classical instruments like Yellowcard, The Script, Wakey! Wakey! and more. I played the violin for 10 years and one of my biggest regrets is not learning how to play the piano when I was younger.Once again...I love classical music.This past weekend, I took a lightning quick trip to Philadelphia to see my friends Trusha and Kamna. Trusha and her husband Thomas invited me to see Ben Folds with the Philadelphia Orchestra on Friday night and I said yes--but I'll admit I had no idea what I was in for. I haven't listened to Ben Folds-he's had a long and storied career in the alternative music sphere, but he wasn't on rotation for me. Because he was playing with the Philadelphia Orchestra, however, I was definitely in. Any city that has its own orchestra has cherry picked a legion of talent from the masses, and I knew that at the very least, I'd be enthralled and entertained by the instruments.I may not have known Ben Folds before I entered the Kimmel Center, but I will remember the experience for a long time to come. His piano melodies fit flawlessly with a symphony behind it, and could be played acoustically or with a rock band, and it would flow equally as well.His concert style is casual--he injects a ton of stories about his time touring, and the hilarious anecdotes behind his songs. For example...he told us about how he was in Europe touring, and had taken too much cold medicine prescribed by a doctor, trying to get rid of a sore throat so he could perform. So he is high as a kite on stage, forgets the lyrics/song he's supposed to play and decides to make something up. Unfortunately for him, the only thing on the American news that day (contrary to European news) is the notable story about a former astronaut who wore a diaper to drive cross country and murder her cheating boyfriend...The result was the following lyrics:Here in Cologne I know I said it wrong I walked you to the train And back across alone To my hotel room And ordered me some food And now I'm wondering why the floor has suddenly become a moving target Four, three, two, one, I'm letting you go I will let go If you will let go (Four, three, two) Says here an astronaut Put on a pair of diapers Drove eighteen hours To kill her boyfriend And in my hotel room, I'm wondering If you read that story too? And if we both might Be having the same imaginary conversationI looked up the lyrics to find out exactly what they were and the fans who commented spoke about how deep the song is and how it captures long distance relationships perfectly--and it made me smile. Writers often have to pull random deep stuff out of nothing, but Ben Folds clearly did it better--not only did he write a song on the spot in Cologne while doped up on prescriptions, he played it classically on a piano (something I can't do sober), and then created a song that fans consider deep.The most memorable portion of the concert though wasn't the song about the astronaut...it was his final song of the night (prior to two encores). The story behind it is that he was recording a live album in Chicago when a fan shouted "Rock this bitch!" "I don't know that one," responded Ben. "But I'll try."That improvisation also turned out so well it ended up on the album...and now if someone shouts it at a show, he considers it a code of honor that he has to play some variation of it with those lyrics in it.What he did in Philadelphia was far more than a funny story. He stared at his piano for a couple of seconds, and literally wrote a symphony orchestra piece on the spot. He devised segments, measures, chords, and harmonies for the first and second violins and violas, came up with a bass beat to undercut it all, had the cellos play something else, figured out a tune for the woodwinds and brasses, and then added an entire percussion section with specifics on what notes to play.He did it in under ten minutes. "Does anyone have a flugelhorn back there?" He interrupted. A musician produced one in the back of the stage."You know what to do." said Ben.And we got a mid-improvisation Flugelhorn solo.Then he sang the entire improvised song with the profound (I'm kidding) lyrics: "Rock this bitch, Philadelphia."I've never seen anything like it. It takes some serious musical genius to manipulate notes and harmonies on the spot for an entire orchestra, and improvise a song. When I was little, I watched a movie on Beethoven--Beethoven actually went deaf mid-career so some of his most well-recognized movements were created through expertise and feeling vibration, but not through actually hearing the music. Even when I was younger, I remember thinking you'd have to be able to "see" music in front of you to do it accurately when you can't hear, and I was reminded of that when I watched Ben Folds put it all together.The night was an experience to say the least and I was so amazed by the talent that I had to write about it and let you all know...maybe look up a video or two of Folds' improvisations and check him out.

Travel Diaries: Scottsdale, Arizona

My cousin (and one of my best friends!), S, is getting married next week...and in honor of that, I decided to recap the weekend we spent at her bachelorette in Scottsdale, Arizona. We had a choice between Napa, Sedona, and a couple other places but Scottsdale took the vote on an email thread of over twenty people.Set on the outskirts of Phoenix, I wasn't completely sure what to expect...Phoenix has just never been on my list of places to visit for some reason, but now I wonder why that was.I thought flying out would take much longer than it did--namely because it was during the government shutdown and I had heard JFK and LaGuardia were experiencing significant delays. But the flight out was perfect, and we landed at 11 PM without any issue.And the landscape? Even from the sky I could tell how flat it was. This Pennsylvania/New York girl isn't used to that. My Uber driver told me that in the summers, the temperatures can reach 135F...not only an unhealthy prospect, but an awful one. Once I reached the resort and met up with my cousins, I got ready quickly so we could go out. We went to the Scottsdale W...the crowd there was interesting--an eclectic mix of hipsters, preps and former fraternity brothers, but the band there was AMAZING. I don't know who the girl was who sings on Friday nights but she is talented and it's worth it to go just to hear her unique voice sing top 40 songs. We left after only about 20 minutes there because the East Coasters couldn't handle the jet lag, but it was nice to check out the atmosphere.The next day, as the sun came up, the beauty of Arizona hit us. Sand colored buildings everywhere, cacti growing in the middle of nothing, and greenery poking out from desert...it was breathtaking. The architecture of the homes in Scottsdale is much like California but with a Native American twist, and I loved watching houses pass by on our drive to the Saguaro Lake Ranch in Glendale.I've never been horseback riding before...and my horse was pregnant! Expecting a baby in a couple months, my horse, Heather, did a fabulous job of hauling my butt around the trails. All fifteen of us on the bachelorette getaway got amazing horses to take us up the trails of the mountains of Saguaro Lake, winding through the cliffs, and overlooking the lake itself. We took a 90 minute tour (80$ with a 20% tip for large parties). and it was truly one of the most relaxing mornings of my life. I was so happy when I got off that horse and could have spent all day wandering the area. We even forded a (shallow) river.Afterward, we ate at O.H.S.O. Brewery and Distillery...and guys, the food is AMAZING at this place. I got a Green Chile Burrito, and a Summertime mocktail...and fries I didn't even touch because the burrito was so damn good. Check it out if you're ever in the area.We headed back to the Scottsdale Plaza resort after that--people needed naps and some had work to do...but we got ready a few hours later, played a ton of bridal games for S (for the record, I found out my cousin is a level 2800 Candy Crush player {addict} and I don't even know what to make of that...) and went to Sumo Maya, a Japanese-Mexican fusion restaurant that had created a menu just for us. They were even amenable to vegetarian diets (quite a few of us Indian girls), and created a vegetarian alternative to every course. The five-course meal was so filling, I thought I'd roll out. The service was impeccable, and I'd highly recommend eating there. It was a $70 meal for 5 courses, and it was worth every penny.We thought we'd go out afterward to Old Town...and we ended up going back to the hotel and playing drinking games in our pajamas because everyone is apparently old and the East Coasters couldn't handle staying up until 4 AM our time.The next day was brunch and we shopped around Old Town, an area full of shops with Native American gifts, wild west themes, and beautiful artwork. The artisanship on jewelry and art is amazing, and checking that out is worth a few hours. All in all, it was a beautiful weekend celebrating S, whose wedding I will likely recap on the blog in March. I'm excited to see what the future holds and now, I hope I get to go back to Phoenix and check out more of what it has to offer, as well as the Grand Canyon (only a 2 hour drive away).