Lynn C. Tolson's Blog: Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story by Lynn C. Tolson, blog, page 22

Tolson 4 TEARS Cheers "Wounded Warrior" Poem

If I Died





If I died tonight,

Would you hold my hand

Would you stay beside me

And walk me from this land



Put your arms around me

And never let me go

Share with me your strengh

For I have none of my own



The pain is too much to bear

I can't seem to carry on

My heart now lies shattered

The dreams are now all gone



The feelings were always buried

Deep inside my soul

Slowly they destroyed me

Because I wouldn't let them show



Now I lay here resting

My time on Earth is done

Nothing left to fight for

No where left to run



Put your hand in mine

As I take my final breath

My soul has at last found peace

There awaiting me in Death







You can find more prose, poetry, and information by @JanMetalman (Twitter) and The Wounded Warrior blog

Beyond the Tears 5 Star Review by Midwest Book Review

E. Dian Moore interviewed author Lynn C. Tolson and reviewed Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story for Midwest Book Review. The interview appears here. Following is the review:





Be prepared to be captivated...and up all night





During my research on domestic violence to feature in Sisters in the Lord Magazine for October, which happens to be Domestic Violence Awareness Month, I ran across Lynn Tolson's, Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story.





By the second paragraph of Beyond the Tears, I was transported into the mind of a young woman bent on suicide and traveled with her through her suicide attempt, discovery, revival in a cold hospital room and transfer to a psyche ward. This was just in the first chapter.





The remainder of my night was shot as I stayed awake, reading each page as quickly as possible so that I might know this woman was okay. That she recovered. That she escaped her abuser and survived.





Intense doesn't begin to describe Beyond the Tears. This writer's true story reads like a best-selling thriller - but it's not fiction. It's Tolson's nightmare that begins the story and her victorious survival that ends it.





Peopled with characters we all know in our own lives, Tolson brings her own cast alive with crisp dialogue and action - oftentimes breathtaking with brutal honesty. Tolson's abuse cycle started as a child and continued through her marriage. The pages turn on their own as this compelling true story shows the cycle of abuse, the mindset of the victim, the actions of the abuser, the betrayal of relatives and friends and finally, the first steps toward healing.





As I suspected when reading Tolson's story, her true calling was to be a writer, which she revealed in a subsequent interview. She is now working on her second survival story - this time she has survived breast cancer.





Beyond the Tears is critical reading for victims of abuse. Through Tolson's story, many will recognize themselves, their families, their spouses, their friends, and from there, recognize that they, too, can heal-even when death seems like the best solution.





Tolson says it best in this quote from her website, "In the meantime, know that my purpose as Lynn C. Tolson is in my initials: LCT, Learning, Creating, Teaching, to provide empowerment of our minds, bodies, and spirits. May this generation break the silence that surrounds sexual assault and incest so that future generations may live in peace."

Tolson 4 TEARS Print Interview on Midwest Book Review

E. Dian Moore, reviewer for Midwest Book Review, reviewed Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story and interviewed author Lynn C. Tolson. The review appears here.

MWBR: When you took the first step toward recovery, can you recall your feelings that day?Tolson: I took my first step toward recovery when I asked for help. In my book, Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story, I write about driving about aimlessly after a suicide attempt. I was overwhelmed with pain. It was not the physical pain of a fractured limb, but the psychic pain of a shattered soul. As I had done before, I prayed aloud: "God, tell me what to do and show me where to go. God, show me a sign!" I can describe what happened next as divine intervention. I saw a sign at a house converted to an office: "Family Counseling Center." Even as I cried, I knocked at the door and was greeted by woman named Karen. She was a counselor there, and my therapeutic relationship with her began on that day. After our first session, I moved from feeling despair to a sense of hope.MWBR: What one piece of advice would you like to give to women who are being abused?Tolson: The advice I give is: make a safety plan. A woman being abused needs to stash cash and clothes in case she needs to flee suddenly. Also, she needs to know where she can run to safety. There are many shelters for women and children. A woman who is being abused should know where these shelters are before a crisis.MWBR: Many women feel hopeless, that there is no way out, no money, no resources, no support system. What is your advice to them?Tolson: I understand the feelings of hopelessness. Most women have no resources or support systems because the abusers are adept at isolating their victims. There is always a way out via the use of community services. Many victim advocates are available to assist every step of the way. It sounds obvious, but my advice is to peruse the community pages of the phone book to determine how a victim can be helped. There were a number of times when I looked at the yellow pages under "counseling" or "psychologists" only to then tell myself, "It's not so bad. I don't need to call." That is denial! It took an act of divine guidance to get me to face the need for help. Also, a victim can search the internet for services in her area, but she should clear the browser so an abuser does not track that she has been looking for help. Abusers are also skilled at sabotage. Even with help, it took me two years to gather my emotional and financial resources to leave the man who was abusing me. But that was in the 1970s, when there were few, if any, victim services. Now, almost every community has resources, and many take clients for no fee or on a sliding scale basis.



MWBR: Tell us a bit about your life since writing your book. What are you doing now? How are you continuing to heal? Have you had any contact with your abuser?Tolson: My life became a book, and my book became my life. My passion is writing, and my mission is to confront violence against women. I do this via my Project for TEARS: Telling Everyone About Rape & Suicide. Women who have been abused are 13 times more likely to attempt suicide. I am on a crusade to speak out to break the silence, change societal attitudes, and comfort survivors.The divorce from the man who was an abuser occurred in 1979, when I was twenty-five. I married a kind and compassionate man in 1988. We have been through my recovery together. We even faced the challenge of my breast cancer in the last couple of years. I went back to college in my forties to get a degree in social work. I balance the ugliness of my past with the beauty of watercolors; art is part of my ongoing healing. I also use journal writing as a powerful tool in the recovery process.I do not have any contact with the man I was married to in the 1970s. He was eighteen years older than me, so I assume that at age 70 he is retired somewhere out there. I can only hope that he did not go on to make other women his victims.MWBR: If you could go back to the time when you first realized you were being abused, knowing what you know today as a survivor - what would you say to your younger self?Tolson: I grew up in an abusive family. My father and my brother both molested me and my mother was emotionally absent. My family was in a constant state of chaos. So I unwittingly repeated those patterns by marrying an abusive man. I would tell my younger self that I do not need my family to be the blueprint for my life. I can do better and I deserve better. I would tell my younger self that I have every right to protect and empower myself. I would also tell my younger self to be proud of being a survivor of such a dysfunctional family.MWBR: Please feel free to speak about anything you would like readers to know.Tolson: By bringing my dark secrets to light, it is my hope that others who have had similar events will know that they are not alone. Readers may explore their own emotions to open lines of communication, eliminate shame, and experience healing. I also hope that my book promotes understanding of the issues that cause individual suffering and plague our society. I'd like survivors and non-survivors to realize that recovery from abuse is not a destination; recovery is a journey that requires insight and support. There is hope!I also work as an advocate for victims/survivors through my



Project for TEARS: Telling Everyone About Rape & SuicideComfort victims by sharing
Confront violence by breaking the silence
Change society via information & action
MWBR: Thank you, Lynn, for sharing more about yourself and for writing such a powerful book. Your journey will start another on her own path to healing.

Tolson 4 TEARS on "Women Empowerment" 4 Grief

Host Lori Finnila on "Women Empowerment" asked the question, "How do you mend a broken heart?" While there are no simple steps, there may be deep causes for grief. (Listeners, it takes about 7 minutes to get into the discussion, after music and announcements). The video with Lindsey Lohan is a vivid expression of what I (Lynn C. Tolson) was trying to say in the interview.





Listen to internet radio with Women Empowerment on Blog Talk Radio

Tolson 4 TEARS on "Victims Speak Out"

Hosted by Mary Aguilar, "Victims Speak Out" offers an avenue to break the silence and let others know they are not alone.





Listen to internet radio with Mary Aguilar on Blog Talk Radio

Mary Aguilar Buttafuoco says she is a survivor of street violence. She wants to make a difference by helping them move through their own experiences with abuse and violence. Here is poignant prose from her:



When duty call's me, oh Lord,

Wherever Flames may rage,

Give me the strength to save some life

Whatever Be its age.

Help me embrace a little child

Before it is too late

Or save an older person from

The horror of that fate

Enable me to be alert,

and oh Lord, guide my every move,

for life is so precious,

please don't let us loose.

I want to fill my calling and

To give the best in me

To guard my every neighbor

And protect their property

And if according to thy will,

That I must give my life,

Then with thy protecting hand my Lord,

I pray thee, protect my children and my wife.

Amen

Tolson 4 TEARS Reviews "History of A Suicide"

History of a Suicide: my sister's unfinished life by Jill Bialosky is a compassionate yet discomforting memoir. Bialosky seeks to solve the mystery of her sister's suicide so that she can move through the endless grief. But there is no solution, other than to consider that Jill's sister, Kim, found her life unbearable. The result for the reader is a sad but satisfying examination for those who mourn a friend or family member's self-annihilation. Bialosky says that, "Suicide should never happen to anyone. I want you to know as much as I know. That is the reason I am writing this book."Within the family unit, there is death (of Jill's biological father); depression (Jill and Kim's mother) and abandonment (by Kim's biological father). Kim unwittingly recreates this destructive foundation in a relationship with an abusive boyfriend (who killed himself five years after Kim's suicide). Jill deals with unbearable losses related to having children. This is only a brief summary of a discomforting family history.The scope of Bialosky's work on this memoir is extensive. The author even consults with Dr. Edwin Shneidman, who wrote The Suicidal Mind, for a psychological autopsy on Kim. Bialosky also summarizes studies so the readers don't have to, and there's information we might not otherwise learn: "...the rate of suicide was twice as high in families of suicide victims as in comparison families." Throughout the book, Bialosky weaves research with literature, inserting poetry and prose to compliment the narrative. For example, Bialosky uses the metaphorical concepts of Melville's Moby Dick in the midst of her memoir. The style worked to help her understand the act of suicide, and that is of utmost importance. The variety of writing methods serves to reach a multitude of readers: What does not communicate well with one reader may be the catalyst for insight for another reader.As the author of a book about suicide in the family, and my own suicide attempts, I found History of a Suicide compelling and courageous. It is a labor of love to dig so deep to try to come to grips with the finality of suicide.

Review completed by Lynn C. Tolson

Tolson 4 TEARS Talks 2 Cyrus Webb

On August 22, 2011, author and advocate Lynn C. Tolson talked with host Cyrus Webb on "Conversations Live." Mr. Webb uses his high profile on the internet to promote literacy and feature authors in all genres. Webb hopes that he can continue to introduce the world to new books as well as give a different perspective to books that might not normally catch the attention of readers. He also develops the "Conversations Magazine" which is a colorful combination of the arts, entertainment, fashion, food and health. Get exclusive interviews, great tips and suggestions for the entire family!

Webb's show on Blog Talk Radio "is an interactive way for those in entertainment and the arts to come together to discuss whatever unites them in life." Lynn and Cyrus discussed her journey from abuse and adversity to hope and healing. Cyrus asked Lynn thought-provoking questions about the role of faith, the challenge of disclosure and confrontation, and the concepts of life and death.









Listen to internet radio with Cyrus Webb on Blog Talk Radio

Tolson 4 TEARS Reviews "The Source of All Things"

The Source of All Things by Tracy Ross is literally and figuratively a healing journey. Ross embraces the wilderness as the vehicle that transports her from victim to survivor. Along the way, Ross seeks to make sense of the child sexual abuse she experienced. There may be maps to navigate the natural world, but no directions for exploring the alien territory of abuse.In the aftermath of her biological father's sudden death, Ross' mother marries a man who becomes devoted to her children. At four-years-old, Tracy adores her step-father, who protects her, provides for her, and engages her in outdoor sports, hiking trails, and camping trips. By the time Tracy is eight-years-old, her step-father is also molesting her. He infiltrated a vulnerable family, and advanced on the girl like a vulture. Yet her mother is depressed and disengaged from the family unit, so many steps behind the reality of what her husband is doing that she never catches up to meet Tracy's needs.At sixteen-years-old, Tracy is strong enough to fulfill her own need for surviving abuse and betrayals. She enters a boarding school and embarks on wilderness adventures. Sometimes these travels require risking her life. Other times, Tracy finds comforts in nature that manage her self-destructive behavior. Child sexual abuse violates boundaries, and trekking through mountain valleys and desert floors offer boundless opportunities for Tracy's hope and healing.Chapter 21, titled "Shooting Stars (or Birth Stories) reveals to the reader how child sexual abuse may affect every area of a victim's life, including marriage, pregnancy, birth, and parenting. There are no clear paths to healing these wounds; Tracy uses nature like others use art or music.Tracy confronts her step-father about thirty years after the sexual assaults. She takes him back to the source, where the abuse first occurred. As he admits to abusing her, she questions if she could forgive him. She writes, "Love cuts with a serrated blade, and there are shreds of my feelings that form an unbreakable bond to my parents." This is my point of departure, where I wonder just how much compassion a survivor of child abuse has to exert for a confirmed sexual predator.This memoir is well-written and well worth reading. A victim may see that he/she is not alone in the conflicting emotions and ambivalent feelings. Ross shows great courage in telling her story to bring awareness to the absolute devastation of child sexual abuse, and the long journey of recovery.

Review completed by Lynn C. Tolson, author of Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story

Tolson 4 TEARS Guest Blog 4 Emerging From Broken

Thank you to Darlene Ouimet for inviting me to be a guest blogger at Emerging From Broken. The topic of religion started a conversation about how some are shaped by the church. My blog post illustrates how religious institutions demand blind obedience from parishioners trained from childhood to defer to the established patriarchal principles of society. Conforming to the religious standards without being able to think for oneself and form individual opinions is a set up for oppression and submission for the sake of a feeling of belongingness.

"Like many Americans of Italian descent, my family was of the Roman Catholic religion. My grandmother had statues of saints on her dresser and a picture of the Pope over her bed. My mother prayed with me, on our knees, before bed: If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take. Our family activities and meals, such as eating fish on Fridays, were based on the religious calendar." 





To read more, click on the link.





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Tolson 4 TEARS "Music to My Ears"

The Project 4 TEARS: Telling Everyone About Rape & Suicide:





As an author and advocate my mission is to 





• comfort victims by sharing my story

• confront violence by breaking the silence• challenge society via information and action





I appreciate the feedback from readers that let me know the work is not without reason and purpose.

"I have just finished reading your book and I wanted to say thank you so very much for sharing something so personal. After reading your story it almost feels as if there is a light at the end of a very dark tunnel. Knowing that I am not the only one who has those feelings, and that someone else has gone through something similar and come out the other side still here, you have given me inspiration to stick around a little bit longer."



If you need assistance, contact RAINN 1-800-656-HOPE





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