Lynn C. Tolson's Blog: Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story by Lynn C. Tolson, blog, page 24

Tolson 4 TEARS at Finding Our Voices

[image error] I took a workshop facilitated by Joyce Aubrey, founder of Finding Our Voices: Healing Art Activities for Survivors of Sexual Assault. This was a "process painting" class "designed for the novice or experienced artist who wishes to focus on the creative process rather than concentrating on producing a product or specific image. Participants play with colors and brush strokes in a manner similar to stream-of-consciousness writing. Some find the process a meditative experience, some find it relieves stress or releases trauma. Focusing on the process rather than the outcome eliminates the inner critic or personal judgement that often blocks the creative process." 





I was familiar with the cathartic process of journal writing, which was the foundation for Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story. Yet I found it discomforting to paint without a plan or reference material; who knew what would be unearthed from the opaque rock of my unconscious? What evolved on plain paper was a full-bodied self-portrait guided from within and reflected outward in brush strokes in vivid color. I interpret my painting as putting the chaos, confusion, and craziness in the background, while I see L-O-V-E as translucent and up close (symbolized by the eyes and hearts). A good example of the use of process painting for therapeutic purposes is Pictures of A Childhood by Alice Miller.

Tolson 4 TEARS at USAFA 4 SAAM

In April 2011, during Sexual Assault Awareness Month, the US Air Force Academy hosted an awareness event featuring community advocacy agencies. Author Lynn C. Tolson (Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story) conducted a book signing and discussion. She says, "It was interesting to talk to survivors about the common features of abuse, and the differences between how cultures deal with rape."Lynn was joined by Joyce Aubrey; together they are co-founders of Finding Our Voices: Healing Art Activities for Survivor's of Sexual Assault. They were able to bring attention to the free art workshops available for survivors. For the poetry book mentioned in the video, email fovartshow@gmail.com








The Advocacy Resource Team sponsoring this event says: "Our individual and collective efforts can stop the epidemic of violence in our communities. Each one of us has a role to play as a bystander in our society to promote behaviors, choices, words, and attitudes that can communicate tolerance for sexual assault, dating violence, stalking and domestic violence." The team included CCASA and TESSA.

Tolson 4 TEARS Reviews "Whispers From Within"

Earlier in 2011 I came across a UK poet and advocate John Harrison, and was impressed by his unique, personal, and dramatic method to break the silence.  I've had the good fortune to read his anthology of poems about surviving abuse, the after effects, and the mental health system. I've had the good fortune of reading his anthology "Whispers From Within." Here is my review of his poignant poetry:





John Harrison published his private poems to raise awareness of child abuse and its consequences. He does this eloquently in the words of this collection.Mr. Harrison endured the horrors of child abuse, its multiple and complex ramifications, as well as the neglect and ignorance of the systems that should serve to protect. Abuse is not only the actions, but also the attitudes in our society. He shares this in a style that is not contrived.The introduction tells the back story with raw expression. It is rooted in the reality of an abuse survivor who had the foundation for a safe and strong life ripped out from under him. The writing is uncensored and sensitive. The reader will say, "That's exactly what I was thinking/feeling but could not put into words." Mr. Harrison writes these thoughts and emotions with an edge that is too clever to ignore.Mr. Harrison writes to make sense of the craziness that is nonsense, such as the ways humans inflict pain on each other. He also offers the reader moments of grace and mercy, all of which help to acquire knowledge in the school of life.Emotions are universal; readers can relate to the poems that express his search for meaning, the hunger for understanding, and the need for justice. The poems are poignant and powerful, with profound phrases that are enlightening.Read this collection of poems from a survivor's perspective, and the words will surely resonate with you. Thank you Mr. Harrison for telling it like it is.

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Tolson 4 TEARS Tells Why She Wrote Beyond the Tears

The most frequently asked question of me, as an author, is WHY I wrote Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story. Why write such a personal and revealing story?

First I lived it. Then I was numb to it. Then I suppressed it. Then I remembered it. Then I regurgitated it in counseling. Then I examined and felt it. Then I wrote about it.We are accustomed to keeping our secrets, hiding our flaws, and stuffing our feelings. After all, what will people think of us? The truth is, it took me twenty years to write my story. When I was in my twenties, my therapist told me I had a story to tell that would help others to find hope. However, it was not until my forties, when another therapist offered the same suggestion, that I took it seriously. I wrote what has become Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story, which chronicles my personal counseling sessions. I was motivated to publish because that the problems I discussed in therapy are universal. My desire to encourage others to seek healing became greater than my need to remain private.Why I Wrote TEARS

Why did you decide to write a book? Was it difficult writing about such a personal story?The book [Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story] began by putting pen to paper in journal writing sessions. Themes emerged regarding the ramifications of sexual abuse, like drug addiction and suicide attempts. Eventually, a story of transformation to wholeness evolved. Journal writing was a cathartic experience. However, writing the book was difficult because I had to find the courage to face my fears: What would others think? What would my family think? But my conviction to tell the truth became greater than the difficulty of writing a personal story. I realized that I was writing about personal yet universal issues. My desire to share a message of healing from trauma became too strong to ignore; the book became my mission despite the difficulty. Sexual assault, addiction, and suicide are unsolved social problems that carry stigmas. The stigmas cast a code of silence that do not solve problems. The result from not speaking about the crime of sexual assault is too often tragic. Thus, there is a need for real stories of recovery. By bringing my dark secrets to light, it is my hope that others who have had similar events will know that they are not alone.See video for more responses. Lynn

Tolson 4 TEARS Says "BE REAL"

[image error] What can you do if someone reveals to you that he/she has been abused? You can

BE REAL





B Believe her and believe in her*E Educate yourself; share your knowledgeR Reassure her that is was not her faultE Empower with information and resourcesA Ask what you can do and do your bestL Listen without judgment to what is said

*It is estimated that 1 in 3 women and 1 in 5 men will be abused in his/her lifetime. The female pronoun is intended to represent both gender.

Tolson 4 TEARS Reviews "Predators: Who They Are, How They Operate"

Review of Predators: Pedophiles, Rapists, & Other Sex Offenders: Who They Are, How They Operate, and How We Can Protect Ourselves and Our Children by Anna C. Salter, Ph.dDr. Salter received a Masters degree in Child Study and a Ph.D in Psychology and Public Practice, and she has been building her expertise in child abuse since the 1970s. She makes her position clear in the: "Victims were the result, not the cause, of the problem." What, if anything, can be done about offenders? To determine an answer, Dr. Salter interviewed offenders and developed educational films from those sessions. Denial is the refusal to acknowledge the existence or severity of unpleasant external realities or internal thoughts and feelings. Society denies the cruelties of predators in our communities, while also denying the effects of sex abuse on victims. The remedy for denial is information, and the knowledge of what it takes to keep our children safe. Dr. Salter's book offers the awareness needed to prevent the perpetuation of sex offenses in our neighborhoods. The reader is not asked to understand predators but to identify them.A premise of the book is in the phrases "No opportunity. No abuse." Dr. Salters states that it is the parent's responsibility to "avoid situations where sexual abuse is possible." She urges parents to supervise their children during community activities. This presumes that a child has caring parents who take the time to determine what sexual abuse is and when abuse is possible. It's possible that a child does not have such a parent. Therefore, it is up to the community to be wise about the manipulations of a predator.Predators is divided into eleven chapters, with a full Index, Bibliography, and Notes that offer specific information to lay people and academics alike. Delving into the predators' consciousness and lack of conscience via Dr. Salters interviews is no easy task. However, she urges us to know what they look for so that we can protect ourselves and our children.



Review completed by Lynn C. Tolson

Tolson 4 TEARS 2 Attend Rally 4 SAAM

Join us for the SAAM Capitol Rally!April 5, 12-1pm, State Capitol-West Steps

The Capitol RallyThe Capitol Rally takes place on the west steps of the capitol building in Denver each year on the National Day of Action to End Sexual Violence. This event allows CCASA member agencies, partners and community members to come together to recognize Sexual Assault Awareness Month, to honor survivors in our state, and to thank legislators who have worked to improve our laws. The agenda will include survivor speakers, awards ceremony, and performance skits by a teen theater group. Food carts will be in the area so you can get lunch and join us for the rally!Please mark your calendars and join us on April 5th.  Want to help?  Contact Alexa at  outreach@ccasa.org .  Volunteers will be meeting at the CCASA office ahead of time to walk over to the capitol and set-up for the Rally.  Help is also appreciated from those who can stay to help with clean-up.  Not able to attend?  A great way to make the Capitol Rally significant in your community is to highlight the Governor's Sexual Assault Awareness Month Proclamation on this day, acknowledging the connection between the Capitol Rally, your community's event, and April 5th being the SAAM National Day of Action. Contact the media, utilizing CCASA's SAAM Media Kit. Let the media know that citizens across the state are united to eliminate sexual violence.

Rally AgendaThe Capitol Rally will feature the 2011 Governor's Proclamation, survivor speakers, awards ceremony, and artistic performances.  The awards ceremony will honor:Representative Gardner from the 21st District andSenator Morse from the 11th District in recognition of their work to sponsor HB 1138, the bill to reauthorize the Sex Offender Management Board, and advance rights for victims and accountability of offenders.
Terri Livermore, Sexual Assault Response Project Coordinator at the Colorado Division of Criminal Justice for her outstanding work in support of survivors of sexual violence through the National Sexual Violence Resource Center's 2011 Visionary Voice Award for the state of Colorado.
The Rally will also feature Performance Theater from The SAVA Center's play, "Until Someone Wakes Up."  Through the performances, Colorado high school students use comedy, drama, and satire to explore the issues surrounding sexual violence, gender role socialization, and healing. 

Street Eats @ Capitol


Street Eats for cart will beon-site to offer freshly made fare to rally participants during the lunch hour.

This event is sponsored by the Colorado Coalition Against Sexual Assault (CCASA), Rape Assistance and Awareness program (RAAP), Sexual Assault Victim Advocate Center (SAVA), Moving to End Sexual Assault (MESA), Colorado Organization for Victim Assistance (COVA), and Our Sister's Keeper. 

Find the Event on Facebook! Click HERE  


Colorado Coalition Against Sexual Assault (CCASA)1120 Lincoln St., Suite 700Denver, CO  80203303-839-9999www.ccasa.org

Tolson 4 TEARS on Signs a Child Has Been Molested

April is National Sexual Assault Awareness Month as well as Child Abuse Awareness & Prevention Month. What can you do to bring awareness and prevent abuse? Information is key.





The following may indicate that a child has been molested. However, children do not always demonstrate obvious signs, but may do or say something that hints at the molestation. These signs are not all-inclusive and may have other explanations. Contact a health care provider, therapist, or counselor. Some information is from Center for Missing & Exploited ChildrenBEHAVIOR CHANGESExcessive crying
Extreme mood swings
Fearfulness and/or bravado
Withdrawal and/or rebellion
A fear of certain places, people or activities
SLEEP DISTURBANCESNightmares
Bed-wetting
Fear of going to bed
Inability to stay asleep
Desire to sleep during the day
EATING HABITSOver or under eating
Refusing foods once enjoyed
SEXUAL ACTIVITYActing out with inappropriate sexual actions
Showing an unusual interest in sexual matters
BODY APPEARANCEBruises, rashes, cuts, limping
Multiple or poorly explained injuries
Pain, itching, bleeding, fluid or rawness in the private areas
DAILY PERFORMANCESudden change in grades
Changes in toilet-training habits
Sudden change in relationship to school/play mates
TELLINGIf a child tells, believe him/her. Children do not have a frame of reference to make it up.

Tolson 4 TEARS on Sexual Assault Awareness Month

April is National Sexual Assault Awareness Month





According to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center, the goal of SAAM is to raise public awareness about sexual violence and to educate communities and individuals on how to prevent sexual violence. Each day, people witness a continuum of behaviors that range from being respectful and safe, to sexually abusive and violent.

These definitions help to determine sexual assault, but definitions do vary from state to sate.





WHAT IS SEXUAL ASSAULT? Sexual assault is a legal term as well as a phrase that pertains to unwanted sexual contact. State laws vary* but the most common phrase used to define sexual assault is "an act of sexual penetration or intrusion without a person's consent." Sexual assault occurs when sexual contact is not consensual.WHAT IS PENETRATION? Sexual penetration or intrusion can be vaginal, oral, or anal by any body part or object.WHO IS A PERPETRATOR? Sexual assault, including rape and attempted rape, can be completed by anyone, including an acquaintance, boyfriend or girlfriend, spouse, sibling, stranger, or gang.WHAT IS RAPE? Rape is not a legal term in some states. Rape is a term commonly used to describe acts of unwanted penetration. An attempted rape may be considered a sexual assault.WHAT IS CHILD SEXUAL ASSAULT? Sexual assault of a child involves subjecting a person under 15 years old to any sexual contact if the perpetrator is 4 or more years older than the victim; or having sexual contact with someone under 17 if the perpetrator is at least 10 years older.*WHO IS A MINOR? Sexual contact with anyone under the age of 18 by a person in a position of power or trust is considered sexual assault on a child. These laws apply to minors even if they think they consented to the sexual contact. Fondling or touching without consent are unlawful sexual contacts. This is a crime whether or not the victim is clothed.WHAT IS CONSENT? Consent means that there is cooperation in act and/or attitude and there is an exercise of free will, with knowledge of the nature of the act. A child cannot consent, nor can an impaired person. Having a current or previous relationship with the perpetrator does not automatically constitute consent. Giving in to an act out of fear is submission, not consent.State laws vary. Contact your state's Coalition Against Sexual Assault

Tolson 4 TEARS Reviews "Crash Into Me"

Liz Seccuro spent years building her world anew after it had been destroyed by rape when she was seventeen. The strong foundation of her carefully structured life was weakened when the rapist, William Beebe, dared to contact her twenty-two years after the assault. Ms. Seccuro wrote Crash Into Me as a concise narrative that documents the complex true story of surviving after rape, and seeking the justice victims deserve.Ms. Seccuro conveys how she feels as she engages the rapist in email correspondence. The exchanges prompt her to take on the seemingly insurmountable task of pressing charges against the man who had assaulted her when they were at the University of Virginia in 1984.The reader sees the wide net of protection that is cast upon institutions that value the status-quo. It is disturbing to hear how society defends the perpetrator while blaming the victim. It is maddening to read that: "in a rape case, it is never, ever the alleged rapist on trial, whether in the courtroom or in the media. The victim is on trial. Always." (p. 114) No wonder victims do not dare report!Ms. Seccuro candidly reveals the details of her experience, and the story yields even more brutality and betrayal. She balances her emotional content with the inclusion of court documents (which left me shaking my head in disbelief at the absurdity of the questions posed by the defendant's attorney to the witness, the victim herself). She deepens the readers empathy with every impossible decision she must make. How hard do rape victims have to work to empower themselves as individuals and in society?Seccuro's singular book speaks volumes about the priggish institutional systems and the precision in which they cooperate to cover-up crime. How can a medical facility turn away a rape victim? (This was the case for seventeen year old Liz). Crash Into Me is a fast-paced, riveting read, written with clarity and courage. Bravo to Liz Seccuro!