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“Someday, Locke Lamora,” he said, “someday, you’re going to fuck up so magnificently, so ambitiously, so overwhelmingly that the sky will light up and the moons will spin and the gods themselves will shit comets with glee. And I just hope I’m still around to see it.”
“Oh please,” said Locke. “It’ll never happen.”
Scott Lynch, The Lies of Locke Lamora
“There’s no freedom quite like the freedom of being constantly underestimated.”
Scott Lynch, The Lies of Locke Lamora
“If you want to write a negative review, don't tickle me gently with your aesthetic displeasure about my work. Unleash the goddamn Kraken."

[on Twitter, July 17, 2012]”
Scott Lynch
“... It's perfect! Locke would appreciate it."

"Bug," Calo said, "Locke is our brother and our love for him knows no bounds. But the four most fatal words in the Therin language are 'Locke would appreciate it.'"

"Rivalled only by 'Locke taught me a new trick,'" added Galo.

"The only person who gets away with Locke Lamora games ..."

"... is Locke ..."

"... because we think the gods are saving him up for a really big death. Something with knives and hot irons ..."

"... and fifty thousand cheering spectators.”
Scott Lynch, The Lies of Locke Lamora
“I cut off his fingers to get him to talk, and when he'd confessed everything I wanted to hear, I had his fucking tongue cut out, and the stump cauterized."

Everyone in the room stared at him.

"I called him an asshole, too," said Locke. "He didn't like that.”
Scott Lynch, The Lies of Locke Lamora
“I only steal because my dear old family needs the money to live!"
Locke Lamora made this proclamation with his wine glass held high; he and the other Gentleman Bastards were seated at the old witchwood table. . . . The others began to jeer.
"Liar!" they chorused
"I only steal because this wicked world won't let me work an honest trade!" Calo cried, hoisting his own glass.
"LIAR!"
"I only steal," said Jean, "because I've temporarily fallen in with bad company."
"LIAR!"
At last the ritual came to Bug; the boy raised his glass a bit shakily and yelled, "I only steal because it's heaps of fucking fun!"
"BASTARD!”
Scott Lynch, The Lies of Locke Lamora
“There are only three people in life you can never fool--pawnbrokers, whores, and your mother. Since your mother's dead, I've taken her place. Hence, I'm bullshit-proof.”
Scott Lynch, The Lies of Locke Lamora
“A boy may be as disagreeable as he pleases, but when a girl refuses to crap sunshine on command, the world mutters darkly about her moods.”
Scott Lynch, The Republic of Thieves
“When you don't know everything that you could know, it's a fine time to shut your fucking noisemaker and be polite.”
Scott Lynch, The Lies of Locke Lamora
“Difficult" and "impossible" are cousins often mistaken for one another, with very little in common.”
Scott Lynch, Red Seas Under Red Skies
“Nice bird, asshole!”
Scott Lynch, The Lies of Locke Lamora
“I don't have to beat you. I don't have to beat you, motherfucker. I just have to keep you here... until Jean shows up.”
Scott Lynch, The Lies of Locke Lamora
“I can't wait to have words with the Gray King when this shit is all finished," Locke whispered. "There's a few things I want to ask him. Philosophical questions. Like, 'How does it feel to be dangled out a window by a rope tied around your balls, motherfucker?”
Scott Lynch, The Lies of Locke Lamora
“I've got kids that enjoy stealing. I've got kids that don't think about stealing one way or the other, and I've got kids that just tolerate stealing because they know they've got nothing else to do. But nobody--and I mean nobody--has ever been hungry for it like this boy. If he had a bloody gash across his throat and a physiker was trying to sew it up, Lamora would steal the needle and thread and die laughing. He...steals too much.”
Scott Lynch, The Lies of Locke Lamora
“That's a sweet piece," said Jean, briefly forgetting to be aggravated. "You didn't snatch that off a street."

"No," said Locke, before taking another deep draught of the warm water in the decanter. "I got it from the neck of the governor's mistress."

"You can't be serious."

"In the governor's manor."

"Of all the -"

"In the governor's bed."

"Damned lunatic!"

"With the governor sleeping next to her."

The night quiet was broken by the high, distant trill of a whistle, the traditional swarming noise of city watches everywhere. Several other whistles joined in a few moments later.

"It is possible," said Locke with a sheepish grin, "that I have been slightly too bold.”
Scott Lynch, Red Seas Under Red Skies
“You can't help being young, but it's past time that you stopped being stupid.”
Scott Lynch, The Lies of Locke Lamora
“What's the n-never-fail universal apology?"

"'I was badly misinformed, I deeply regret the error, go fuck yourself with this bag of money.”
Scott Lynch, The Republic of Thieves
“Stand aside, and try not to catch fire if I shed sparks of genius.”
Scott Lynch, The Republic of Thieves
“We’re a different sort of thief here, Lamora. Deception and misdirection are our tools. We don’t believe in hard work when a false face and a good line of bullshit can do so much more.”
Scott Lynch, The Lies of Locke Lamora
“Mew," the kitten retorted, locking gazes with him. It had the expression common to all kittens, that of a tyrant in the becoming. 'I was comfortable, and you dared to move,' those jade eyes said. 'For that you must die.' When it became apparent to the cat that its two or three pounds of mass were insufficient to break Locke's neck with one mighty snap, it put its paws on his shoulders and began sharing its drool-covered nose with his lips. He recoiled.”
Scott Lynch, Red Seas Under Red Skies
“To us — richer and cleverer than everyone else!”
Scott Lynch, The Lies of Locke Lamora
“Know something? I'd lay even odds that between the people following us and the people hunting us, we've become this city's principle means of employment. Tal Verrar's entire economy is now based on fucking with us.”
Scott Lynch, Red Seas Under Red Skies
“If reassurances could dull pain, nobody would ever go to the trouble of pressing grapes.”
Scott Lynch, The Lies of Locke Lamora
“Any man can fart in a closed room and say that he commands the wind”
Scott Lynch, Red Seas Under Red Skies
“Quit being so hard on yourself. We are what we are; we love what we love. We don't need to justify it to anyone... not even to ourselves.”
Scott Lynch, The Republic of Thieves
“When you can't cheat the game, you'd best find a means to cheat the players.”
Scott Lynch, Red Seas Under Red Skies
“Throwing blondes at Locke Lamora was not unlike throwing lettuce at sharks.”
Scott Lynch, The Lies of Locke Lamora
“Locke sighed.
'So this is winning,' he said.
'It is,' replied Jean.
'It can go fuck itself,' said Locke.”
Scott Lynch, The Lies of Locke Lamora
“Just one question, you arrogant fucking cocksucker" said Locke. "I'll grant the Lamora part is easy to spot; the truth is, I didn't know about the apt translation when I took the name. I borrowed it from this old sausage dealer who was kind to me once, back in Catchfire before the plague. I just liked the way it sounded.
"But what the fuck" he said slowly, "ever gave you the idea that Locke was the first name I was actually born with?”
Scott Lynch, The Lies of Locke Lamora
“You simply collapsed, sir. In layman's terms, your body revoked its permission for you to continue heaping abuse upon it.”
Scott Lynch, The Lies of Locke Lamora

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Scott Lynch
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The Lies of Locke Lamora (Gentleman Bastard, #1) The Lies of Locke Lamora
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