Tim Heaton > Quotes

“I'm not unlucky at love, just incredibly lucky with celibacy.”
― tim heaton

“In the South, history clings to you like a wet blanket. Outside your door the past awaits in Indian mounds, plantation ruins, heaving sidewalks and homestead graveyards; each slowly reclaimed by the kudzu of time.”
― Tim Heaton, Don't Be Ugly: The G-Rated companion book to “Momma n ‘Em Said."

“I am often asked “Why do Southerners still care about the Civil War?”… Because it is unique in the American experience. Defeat was total, surrender unconditional and the land still occupied.”
― Tim Heaton

“Magic of Southern expressions? Similes and metaphorical allusions. They are the yellow highlighter of conversation.”
― Tim Heaton

“If there is such a things as "race", there is only the Human one.”
― Tim Heaton

“The American South is an authentic American Culture. Maybe the last. The north is just a Casserole Culture – a tasteless vat of leftovers, frozen peas and stale crumbs.”
― Tim Heaton, The Southerners Guide To Surviving New York City: How not to get yourself killed.

“Explaining the myriad delights of a football Saturday in the South to anyone who has not enjoyed them may be impossible – like trying to describe the ocean to a blind man.”
― Tim Heaton, Don't Be Ugly: The G-Rated companion book to “Momma n ‘Em Said."

“To life lived fully: to laughter, to have loved and lost, to be remembered for the good fight.”
― Tim Heaton, Tetragrammaton: Cracking the Voynich Manuscript

“Utopia is that idyllic place just before the mass graves are dug.”
― Tim Heaton, INKARRI

“Those in the know ain't telling me or you.”
― Tim Heaton

“Bureaucracies are a strange beast whose only goal is obesity.”
― Tim Heaton, The Southerners Guide To Surviving New York City: How not to get yourself killed.

“I am often asked “Why do Southerners still care about the Civil War?”… “Because defeat was unconditional and the land still occupied.”
― Tim Heaton

“It’s not difficult telling enemies from friends.
• Your enemies say, “You don’t need to work hard.” Your friends say, “Always do your best.”
• Your enemies say, “Just quit.” Your friends say, “Never give up.”
• Your enemies say, “No one will ever know.” Your friends say, “Always do the right thing.”
• Your enemies say, “Let’s get high.” Your friends say, “Rest in Peace.”
― Tim Heaton, Bless Your Heart, You Freakin' Idiot: Southern Sayings Translated

“If misery loves company, then no one in your company will every be lonely.”
― Tim Heaton, Bless Your Heart, You Freakin' Idiot: Southern Sayings Translated

“He avoided unpleasant topics until they had time to mellow with age; like bourbon, about a dozen years were needed to mellow the unpalatable.”
― Tim Heaton, Tetragrammaton: Cracking the Voynich Manuscript

“The further your job is from the money, the closer you are to the bullshit.”
― Tim Heaton

“Even-money that my liver lasts through my wife's metamorphosis to my mother-in-law.”
― Tim Heaton

“AI Governance in banking is characterized by its complexity, distinct from traditional data governance due to several key factors:”
― Tim Heaton, The Banker's Guide to Al Governance and Ethics: Where Governance of Artificial Intelligence Is Needed, How to Implement It, and Determining its Efficacy

“Yoga pants often answer questions I didn't ask.”
― Tim Heaton

“If reputations were face tats, the world would be a better place.”
― Tim Heaton, Tetragrammaton: Cracking the Voynich Manuscript

“I have zero tolerance for people with zero tolerance.”
― Tim Heaton

“To living in the South: If you've never had a Porterhouse, everything tastes like baloney.”
― Tim Heaton