Good Inside Quotes

“What manifests as lying is truly a byproduct of evolution: our children’s survival is dependent on their attachment with us, and their attachment with us is dependent on their feeling secure and wanted.”
― Becky Kennedy, Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be

“Philip Bromberg may have said it best: “Health is the ability to stand in the spaces between realities without losing any of them—the capacity to feel like one self while being many.”* We”
― Becky Kennedy, Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be

“Remember: our feelings are forces; the feelings we don’t permit ourselves to have are more likely to catapult out of our bodies as behavior.”
― Becky Kennedy, Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be

“but humanizing the urge and then shifting where we allow a child to discharge it allows the child to gain regulation and, over time, make better decisions.”
― Becky Kennedy, Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be

“won’t let you” is for moments when your child can no longer make good decisions—when he is being unsafe or behaving in a way that begs for sturdy leadership.”
― Becky Kennedy, Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be

“Since kids interpret changes as threats until caregivers show them otherwise, emotionally explosive outbursts are a child’s way of saying, “I’m scared of the feelings in my body. I don’t understand what’s happening to me. I’m being attacked by these awful sensations and yet I cannot get away from them because they are inside me. Help me, help me, help me!”
― Becky Kennedy, Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be

“They don’t understand the feelings of anxiety and discomfort in their body the way adults do, so when they are having a hard time, it can feel scary rather than just uncomfortable.”
― Becky Kennedy, Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be

“boundary violations (contacting someone else’s body and aggressive behavior)”
― Becky Kennedy, Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be

“The key to managing meltdowns is to remember three things: we are not in charge of our children’s feelings, our kids don’t need to say “Sure, no problem!” when we make decisions, and communicating that we are okay with our children’s feelings will teach them to be okay with having big feelings, which is critical to developing emotion regulation.”
― Becky Kennedy, Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be

“But we cannot encourage subservience and compliance in our kids when they’re young and expect confidence and assertiveness when they’re older.”
― Becky Kennedy, Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be

“sign of one thing and one thing only: that a child cannot manage the emotional demands of a situation.”
― Becky Kennedy, Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be

“The more we help a child, in general, feel seen, independent, trustworthy, and in control, the more willing they will be to listen to our requests.”
― Becky Kennedy, Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be

“That doesn’t mean we should avoid making requests—we’ll always have to ask our kids to do things they don’t want to do. But it’s about the process and the way we deliver our requests.”
― Becky Kennedy, Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be

“The more connected we feel to someone, the more we want to comply with their requests.”
― Becky Kennedy, Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be

“they aren’t responsible for causing your feelings or fixing your reactions.”
― Becky Kennedy, Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be

“There’s one question I hear from parents more than any other: “Is it too late?” My answer is always no. Because it’s always true. Parents often persist: “But my child is already three and I’ve heard that the first three years are the most important,” or “But my son is eight and I feel like he’s already so old,” or “My daughter is sixteen; I feel like I’ve lost my chance.” I sometimes even hear, “I’m a grandparent now and I wish I had done all of this differently with my own kids . . . I guess it’s too late, huh?” Let me say this again. NO. It is not too late to repair and reconnect with your kids and change the trajectory of their development. And it’s also not too late for you. It’s not too late for you to consider what parts of yourself are in need of repair and reconnection; as adults, we can work on rewiring ourselves and changing the trajectory of our own development. It is not too late. It’s never ever ever too late.”
― Becky Kennedy, Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be

“we are pre-regulating a feeling, and when the challenging moment comes, our child is more equipped to handle it.”
― Becky Kennedy, Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be

“when we really connect with a child, see their experience, allow for their feelings, and make an effort to understand what’s going on for them, we build our capital.”
― Becky Kennedy, Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be

“time to change this pattern—but we can only do that when we accept that we cannot avoid someone else’s inconvenience or distress; it’s not our job to make sure someone else is happy, and it’s not someone else’s job to cheerlead us as we assert ourselves. We need cooperation from others, but not approval.”
― Becky Kennedy, Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be

“First, you want something for yourself. Next, you suggest or ask for it. Then, a partner or friend seems inconvenienced. Finally, you take back your request and don’t get your need met.”
― Becky Kennedy, Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be

“I am allowed to have things for myself even if they inconvenience others.”
― Becky Kennedy, Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be

“why your feelings make sense.”
― Becky Kennedy, Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be

“Anxiety/anger/sadness] is not my enemy. My [anxiety/anger/sadness] is allowed to be here. I can tolerate my discomfort.”
― Becky Kennedy, Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be

“The more energy we use to push emotions like anxiety or anger or sadness away, the more powerfully those emotions spring back up.”
― Becky Kennedy, Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be

“Regulation first, happiness second.”
― Becky Kennedy, Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be

“acknowledgment, validation, and permission to feel.”
― Becky Kennedy, Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be

“kids in difficult behavioral cycles need more proactive attention, more one-on-one time, more assurance that they are seen and valued and have an identity outside of their acting out.”
― Becky Kennedy, Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be

“When we are busy exerting extrinsic control over our children’s external behavior, we sacrifice teaching these critical internal skills.”
― Becky Kennedy, Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be

“And once he feels in control again, he’ll end up changing his behavior on his own. Because the behavior is really just a symptom—once the core problem is addressed, the symptom will, eventually, go away.”
― Becky Kennedy, Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be

“We take them out of struggle and place them into triumph, out of an uncomfortable feeling and into a more pleasant one.”
― Becky Kennedy, Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be