Stern Plastic Owl Quotes

“She used to be a tremendously affectionate and cooperative cat, perfectly happy for you to pick her up and carry her around on your shoulder like a parrot. Time was, you could even pop her on your head like a living fur hat and she’d stay there, content to grow fat on your loving brainwaves. Now, in her advanced years, she’s developed a certain coolness. Though there are, of course, limits to one’s cool when one looks like a not-particularly-sophisticated glove puppet.”
― Robert Wringham, Stern Plastic Owl

“There was something funny I saw while travelling about which I remember thinking “oh, that’s worth telling the readers about,” only now I can’t remember what it was. It may have involved a waiter. Or possibly a ceramic tile. I’d have to go into a sensory deprivation tank to catch the tail of that memory and I’m not sure I have the time to do that before my dinner’s ready.”
― Robert Wringham, Stern Plastic Owl

“To my own ear, I sound like Charles de Gaulle himself but when I put my new-found phrases into practice, the post office clerk from whom I’ve asked to buy a stamp will look at me like I’ve asked him to administer a rectal thermometer.”
― Robert Wringham, Stern Plastic Owl

“The electric saw worked like a charm and, a few non-Bananagrammatical but highly Rabbinical words and a miniature parasol later, I was a newly-married man.”
― Robert Wringham, Stern Plastic Owl

“Why would anyone use the word “eatery?” As in, “oh, it’s over there between the readery and the drinkery but thankfully not downwind of the shittoria.”
― Robert Wringham, Stern Plastic Owl

“It’s libertine this and libertine that, but so far as I can tell, he only has about six notches in his bedpost and it never once crossed his mind that he could lower himself onto it.”
― Robert Wringham, Stern Plastic Owl

“Sir, you couldn’t count the number of cylinders I’m firing on.”
― Robert Wringham, Stern Plastic Owl

“Mine is the hand-me-down duffle coat of Wit.”
― Robert Wringham, Stern Plastic Owl