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Keep Your Love On: Connection Communication And Boundaries Keep Your Love On: Connection Communication And Boundaries by Danny Silk
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Keep Your Love On Quotes Showing 1-30 of 34
“Yes, it’s vulnerable and scary to keep your love on toward someone who has become a perceived threat—you cannot guarantee what he or she is going to do. But you can guarantee your own choice. And you can always choose connection.”
Danny Silk, Keep Your Love On
“make an agreement to exercise mutual control over each other. The unspoken pact between them is, “It’s my job to make you happy, and your job to make me happy. And the best way to get you to work on my life is to act miserable. The more miserable I am, the more you will have to try to make me feel better.” Powerless people use various tactics, such as getting upset, withdrawing, nagging, ridiculing, pouting, crying, or getting angry, to pressure, manipulate, and punish one another into keeping this pact. However, this ongoing power play does nothing to make them happy and mitigate their anxiety in the long term. In fact, their anxiety only escalates by continually affirming that they are not actually powerful. Any sense of love and safety they feel by gaining or surrendering control is tenuous and fleeting. A relational bond built on mutual control simply cannot produce anything remotely like safety, love, or trust. It can only produce more fear, pain, distrust, punishment, and misery. And when taken to an extreme, it produces things like domestic violence.”
Danny Silk, Keep Your Love On: Connection Communication And Boundaries
“In a respectful relationship, each person understands, “I am responsible to know what is going on inside me and communicate it to you. I do not expect you to know it, nor will I allow you to assume that you know it. And I will not make assumptions about what is going on inside you.”
Danny Silk, Keep Your Love On: Connection Communication And Boundaries
“Powerful people do not try to control other people. They know it doesn’t work, and that it’s not their job. Their job is to control themselves.”
Danny Silk, Keep Your Love On
“I choose you.” This is the foundation of true, lasting relationships. It is the foundation for God’s relationship with you. As Jesus declared to His disciples, “You did not choose Me, but I chose you...” 1 Jesus chose you in the most difficult of circumstances. He chose you while you were in sin, while you were His enemy. His side of the relationship with you does not depend upon your choice, but entirely upon His choice. The question is whether or not you will learn to build your relationships with Him and others upon the foundation of your choice.”
Danny Silk, Keep Your Love On
“If you want to cast out all the fear in your relationships, then you need to leave no room for doubt in people’s minds and hearts that you truly love them.”
Danny Silk, Keep Your Love On
“If you were blessed to have parents who taught you to be responsible for your choices, then you should go home and thank them.”
Danny Silk, Keep Your Love On
“In order for us to practice self-control, we must have a goal. We must have something we are saying “yes” to, which necessarily comes with things that we must say “no” to. We use self-control to maneuver ourselves toward this “yes.” This goal must be entirely our own. The minute another person is choosing and managing our goals for us, we have left self-control behind.”
Danny Silk, Keep Your Love On: Connection Communication And Boundaries
“The more others encounter us honoring the boundaries we have set for our lives, the more they will know that they can trust us with their lives.”
Danny Silk, Keep Your Love On
“I choose you.” This is the foundation of true, lasting relationships. It is the foundation for God’s relationship with you. As Jesus declared to His disciples, “You did not choose Me, but I chose you&”1 Jesus chose you in the most difficult of circumstances. He chose you while you were in sin, while you were His enemy. His side of the relationship with you does not depend upon your choice, but entirely upon His choice. The question is whether or not you will learn to build your relationships with Him and others upon the foundation of your choice.”
Danny Silk, Keep Your Love On: Connection Communication And Boundaries
“In order to begin training yourself to respond in love, the first thing you need to accept is this truth: You cannot control other people. The only person you can control—on a good day—is yourself.”
Danny Silk, Keep Your Love On
“Powerful people are not affected or infected by their environment. They refuse to be victims of others.”
Danny Silk, Keep Your Love On: Connection Communication And Boundaries
“Typically, people allow differences and mistakes to lower their respect and value for other people. But you know the pillar of honor is strong in a relationship when you can look at the other person and say, “You are really different from me. It makes me sad when I see you making that choice. But I love you. I value you, I believe in you, and I am here for you in this relationship.”
Danny Silk, Keep Your Love On
“You can start practicing the skills of assertive communication by paying attention to your thoughts, feelings, and needs and respecting their value. Then start doing the same for other people.”
Danny Silk, Keep Your Love On
“This is because fear and love are enemies. They come from two opposing kingdoms. Fear comes from the devil, who would like nothing more than to keep you permanently disconnected and isolated. Love comes from God, who is always working to heal and restore your connection with Him and other people and bring you into healthy, life-giving relationships.”
Danny Silk, Keep Your Love On
“powerless to powerful, from control to self-control, from the goal of distance to the goal of connection, and from fear to love”
Danny Silk, Keep Your Love On: Connection Communication And Boundaries
“The First Goal of Conversation: Understanding, not Agreement”
Danny Silk, Keep Your Love On
“You have to embark on your own quest to discover why you are on this planet, what makes you get out of bed in the morning, and what you uniquely contribute to the world.”
Danny Silk, Keep Your Love On
“The experience of intimacy—of being completely known and accepted, and completely knowing and accepting in return—is the most satisfying experience we can have as humans.”
Danny Silk, Keep Your Love On
“However, if all our relationships are based solely on our natural impulse to return liking for liking, then we’re going to have problems. Liking is a conditional state—it changes.”
Danny Silk, Keep Your Love On: Connection Communication And Boundaries
“Some people mistakenly think Jesus is like them—a whacked-out, co-dependent person at the mercy of everybody’s needs.”
Danny Silk, Keep Your Love On
“It’s hard to go out and love sinners like Jesus did when you’re still afraid of your own sin.”
Danny Silk, Keep Your Love On
“Because they cannot take responsibility for their decisions, powerless people are relegated to reacting to whatever is going on around them on a daily basis. But as a powerful person, I do not simply react to whatever is happening today. I am able to take responsibility for my decisions and the consequences of those decisions—even for my mistakes and failures. I can respond to today and create my tomorrows.”
Danny Silk, Keep Your Love On
“They will continue to recreate their victimized reality as long as they refuse to repent from it and pursue being powerful.”
Danny Silk, Keep Your Love On
“Popular opinion or the pressure of others does not sway the language of powerful people. They know exactly what they want and how to communicate their desires. A powerful person says, “I will. I do. I am.” Powerful people can say both “Yes” and “No,” and mean it. Others can try to manipulate, charm, and threaten, but their answer will stand.”
Danny Silk, Keep Your Love On
“True honor is the practice of two powerful people putting one another before themselves, empowering one another, working together to meet one another’s needs, and adjusting as necessary in order to move together toward the shared goals of the relationship. Honor is also the practice of calling”
Danny Silk, Keep Your Love On
“Unconditional acceptance says, “You are not me and I am not you. You get to be you and I get to be me in this relationship.”
Danny Silk, Keep Your Love On: Connection Communication And Boundaries
“Conditional love and acceptance means that we are willing to pull away from our connection under certain circumstances. The minute we happen to scare the other person or they scare us; we will be tempted to withhold our love and disconnect. And because disconnection only produces more fear and anxiety, we will widen our distance at an alarming rate. This threat effectively prevents two people from feeling free to be themselves because they instinctively know the connection won’t be strong enough to handle it. In contrast, when we commit to unconditional love and acceptance, we protect each other’s freedom. Everything that we offer to the relationship comes freely from our hearts, not under coercion. Yes, committing to pursue and protect my connection with you means that I will be thinking about how my decisions will affect you while making”
Danny Silk, Keep Your Love On: Connection Communication And Boundaries
“The question at stake is how you will react to the pain you experience in relationships. If you fall back on the classic fear-driven reactions, you will necessarily start treating people like rattlesnakes. You will either run away or try to control people so they won’t hurt you. The problem is that neither of these options will help you pursue and protect the goal of connection in a relationship.”
Danny Silk, Keep Your Love On: Connection Communication And Boundaries
“But if we look to things that were not designed to meet these needs and elevate them above everything else—making them idols—then the result is always bondage and destruction. It’s only when we place God at the center that we can access the comfort, peace, safety, joy, and pleasure that truly meets our deepest needs. Only faith in the One who made us can make us truly free.”
Danny Silk, Keep Your Love On: Connection Communication And Boundaries

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